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Should I tell her I love her? Female help needed.
I had this girl for 2 months. Till the day I hold her in my arms, I was not happy, I just thought I was. Something was always missing from my life till I got her. We spent a lot of time together, she was my girl for 2 months, sleeping everynight in my house and one of the most beautifull relatioships I ever had. Before her, I used to treat my girls disrepectfully (not bad,just did not care really that much)but she changed me as a person. She made me a person that no one else knows and I wish everyone knew the person she made me. The problem is, she left for a month for her exams and she let the hole situation go bad. Communication was lost, once we did not talk for almost a week and everytime I knew that it was all over, she gave me signs that everything is going to be allright. Right before she left, I made it very easy for her to set me free. I told her If you are not willing to try for this relationship, please tell me now, dont be shy etc, I will be sad but I want you to be honest. She kept reassuring that everything is going to be allright.
Anyways, this week she came back, she came over my place. I had this hole situation going on for her, a project called heart attack. I had like 600 heart shaped balloons all over the place, heart shaped candles all over the place, gave her flowers... She told me when she is here, she wants to be with me, but when she is in her study place she does not miss me.
It is a 5 hour distance wich I dont mind at all. A couple of days ago, I drove there without telling her, called her and she told me, oh I am back home where are you? ""Ummmmm, ...yeah...home..." I told her. She does not know I went there.
I told her again, tell me you dont want to be with me. She just wouldn't. She insisted, the situation is way more complicated than this, the distance, the fact that I was dating her best friend in the past (I hate that fucking bitch, she treated me like shit when we were together and made it so hard for me). I said, If you keep telling stuff like that I am going to be insinting on this relatioship, just tell me you dont want to be with me and it will all stop, I ll let you go. After a long long long try, she said it. I dont want to be with you. Problem is, I dont know If I should believe her, I asked her to be reminding me all the time to make it easier for me. I know she did not miss me while she was away. She really motivates me and wants me to be a better man. I go running one hour every single day for one month for working out just because I want to look the best for her. At the same time I am working and studying. I am also starting pilot lessons so I can be flying to her, where she studies. People say like, dont worry, you ll find a better girl eventually. Better girl??? No way. She is so kind and sweet, and we look alike so much in our characters, she is so serious, hard working smart, cute, blonde with blue eyes. I fucking love 100% of her. When I am with her I got all I ll ever need. I dont need not expensive car, no need to watch new movies, no need to go out clubbing, no need to play videogames. She will only be here only for 3 days more. We are not together now. I pretty much hate my life for about a month now...I do so many stuff just to be kept bussy. The reason why I run my ass off every day is because If dont pass out from being tired as hell, I will be thinking of her and never ever sleep.
I really dont wanna loose her. If I have her, I am God. I know she hasn t found another boy and I dont worry about that. She told me she does not care about having a relatioship right now, especially a long distance. By the way, when I went there, I drive there 7 hours (2 hours problem with cops for speeding) stayed there for 30 minutes and drove back 7 hours (normal speed).I can do it late night in 3 hours but that is out of our subject here.
So, what should I do? Could it be that I moved to fast and freaked her out? All the stuff I was telling her, she met my parents, not cause we are getting married or something, but cause I am cool with my parents. Did I choke her with my giving? Giving words, soul and objects (I bought her stuff). Could it be she was only looking for a fuck while I found the puzzle piece that completes me? Should I give her space, let her sleep on it? This is really hard for me, cause like Aerosmith said, I really did not want to close my eyes I did not want to close my eyes cause I did not want to miss a thing,every moment with her is a moment a cherish, and guess what? Now there is a hole in my soul. I will never ever get enough of that girl in my life. Tell me it is all over and make it easier for me.
It is sad, that sometimes no matter how hard you work, how hard you try, how hard you pray it just aint enough.
Thank you all in advanced, I know I gave too many details etc. but by know you should be able to understand that I am fucked up in my head.
How do I make her mine?
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Updated***
Thanks for the additional information. I wish you the best.
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That was too long and I admit to not reading every word, but you are clearly obsessed and not in love. Love is about giving and not receiving. You miss what you thought she added to your life. What is missing from your life, no one can really give you long term. You need to spend some time thinking about what is missing and how you can develop your character and experiences to give yourself a sense of wholeness. When you are incomplete, you attract others who are incomplete. When you put some work and effort into your personal development, the result will be that you will be open to love from and able to give to a whole individual. The very short relationship you are obsessing on did not complete either one of you, it gave you both a temporary distraction from yourselves. You know that part of the reason she left was because you were too intense and demanding. Move on, and if you can't, you need to do yourself a favor and see a therapist, because you will need more personal and expert help than I or anyone else here can offer. Good luck with your journey to self!
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In my opinion, you're taking things way too fast. Everything you've done for her is very sweet, but you're probably just pushing her away.
When it comes to guys, girls want what they can't have. Don't act desperate. Give her space and maybe she'll come to her senses that she needs you in her life. Stop going to her, wait for her to reach you. If she doesn't go out of her way to get to you, then it was never meant to be.
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