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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I (25, female) was recently promoted to manager at my small business company. One of my employees (56, female) that I am responsible for has become an issue. Examples of what she has done include:
- mismanaging client accounts (all small amounts, but it's important)
- badmouthing me behind my back to to other employees and then denying it when confronted (at the same time being super-nice to my face)
- insisting that I have the problem with her
- refusing to complete all the duties as outlined in the job description
- taking longer on client outings, which hold up other clients for hours
- taking a valid criticism (she is always late for work) and turning it into a personal attack (I expect perfection out of her, and she is going through a rough time)
- breaching our client oath of confidentiality.
Clearly, I am a new manager. She is also several years older than I am. I have begun a paper trail of these incidents, but is there anything I can do or say to her that will force her to stop gaslighting on me, and take responsibility for herself and her job?
Thanks in advance!
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Some people have a problem working for people younger than themselves, especially if they have been with the company longer and feel they passed over for the position you have. To prove this they push the envelope as far as possible in the hope that upper management will rethink their choice of you to fill the position you have.
There is only one way to handle a situation such as you have with this employee. A written warning of where her productivity and work ethic is below acceptable standards. You also need to outline, with dates for compliance when you expect marked improvement by. As far as arriving on time for work it is acceptable to demand immediate improvement.
Once you have the written letter of warning typed and ready to present to her; call her into your office and close the door. If you do not have an office; find someplace where the two of you can meet in private. Once you two are alone immediately establish that you are her supervisor and you are not satisfied with her attitude or work product of late. Do not allow her to take control of the conversation. If she starts to talk tell her you are talking and that she is to sit there and listen, you will give her ample time to respond when you are finished.
It is at this point, if she is the type of person I think she is, she will get up and start to leave. Your response is: “If you walkout that door pick up your things and go home your employment her is terminated”. At this point one of two things will happen. She will either call your bluff and continue to walk away or she will sit down. If she walks away you must go through with your threat to terminate her employment or lose the respect of everyone else in the office. If she sits back down, go through the written letter of warning line by line. Make sure she understands what is expected of her and when you expect to see improvement. Give her a copy of the warning letter and have her sign your copy. Make sure she knows that your copy will go into her employee file and will affect her annual review.
I know what I am suggesting amounts to swatting a fly with a sledge hammer. There are times though when there is a need to establish authority that the sledge hammer approach is quickest way to establish that authority. You can try a softer approach with this lady; my feeling is that if you do so she will see you as weak and continue to walk all over you.
Good luck.
nd then i cum and she swallows and shit could she get pregnant from tht
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
To answer your question; No you cannot get pregnant from oral sex. The only way to get a girl pregnant is to ejaculate in her vagina during unprotected sex and she is not using birth control.
Your question tells me that your sexual education is somewhat limited. For a 15 year old boy your parents should have by this time had a sex talk with you. Just how extensive they where I can’t tell. Your school should have also offered several sex education classes as you progressed into high school. There are some areas of the country where the schools do not offer sex education and there are some parents that choose to have their children take an alternate Biology class; choosing instead to teach them at home when they feel the time is right. It is possible you fall into one of these areas.
There are a number of very good books on the subject of “Teenage Boys and Sex”. I would suggest you go to the Library and find one or more books that will answer the questions you have. You can do this by researching the subject at home using one of the online search engines. Write down the Title and Author, then go to the Library and use their computer to locate the books. If you fear embarrassment during checkout go when one of the older staff members are working the checkout desk. I can assure you they will not say anything to you or in any way embarrass you when checking out your books. If anything they will be happy to see that you are doing the responsible thing and learning about something that is very important in every person’s life, rather than rely on what we use to call street learning.
I would also recommend that you attempt to talk with your parents, mom or dad, if you feel comfortable enough. There is no reason to be embarrassed about sex; everyone has a sex life, including parents. If you are truly uncomfortable talking to your parents is their another adult, Aunt, Uncle, Older Sister, Brother or Grandparent you can talk too. IF so I would recommend you find one to talk with so you can both learn from the books and have someone to ask questions of after reading the books.
Hi advicenators,
I'm hoping that someone will read this and know something about what I'm suffering from. I went to the doctor, but didn't get a diagnoses but if anyone on here has had this please please please recommend or suggest something! Any info is great!
Last night, I was sitting and my right lower back started aching. For 5 hours straight I was in excrutaiting pain. I went to the ER but they said it would take about 4 hours before a doctor would see me, so I left. After I came home (about 5 hours into the pain) it finally eased SLIGHTLY and I threw up, after that I was fine.
I've had the same pain before, but it was in my lower left abdomen. It's not ovaries, or cysts and I'm clean, not sexually active or anything. For this pain I recieved an ultrasound but nothing was found wrong. The pain usually lasts 5-6 hours and it's the second time it's happened.
Any ideas?! Please&thank you
I'm not a doctor and none of on this site should be offering medical advice as most likely we would be wrong.
I would suggest that even though you are feeling better know that you see a doctor. After you explain what has happened; ask if it is possible that you are passing kidney stones. There are some test and blood work they can run to see if you may be at risk for this.
When I say the word "natural" I mean things that I can buy or do, but not prescription medication. I'm starting a new year at school and I'm already feeling depressed and anxious. I hate this feeling but I can't really talk to my parents about it. They keep saying it's a phase. I really need to feel better because I want to do better in school this year (and life in general). Are there any natural antidepressants that I can take?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Depression is something most of us look at as a mental illness. As such we tend to reject the thought that someone in are family is mentally ill. Most depression and anxiety disorders stem from a chemical imbalance with in the brain. The medication prescribed is intended to correct this imbalance. The imbalance can be too much or too little of one or more hormones that control mood and anxiety.
I am not a doctor but I am someone who does suffer from depression so I will attempt to explain further my understanding in layman’s terms. Because these hormones control brain function most family practitioners will not prescribe for general depression or anxiety. Instead they will either send you to a therapist for talk therapy or to a psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment. Being sent to a psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment is where the mental illness stigmatism comes in.
A person who suffers from depression is not truly mentally ill. They are more like a diabetic who needs to take insulin each day to correct what the body is no longer capable of producing. There is no stigmatism here because a medical doctor prescribes and treats. The medication for depression is doing the same thing the insulin does for the diabetic; correcting a chemical imbalance. The only difference is the type of doctor prescribing.
Over the counter medications may or may not work. If they don’t work you will feel worse. My suggestion is you talk to your family doctor. You should have a pre-school physical anyway. Tell the doctor how you feel. The doctor may prescribe for you or send you to another doctor. I’m sure your parents will follow the advice and directions of your doctor.
You said you cannot talk to your parents as they feel this is only a phase. Is there and Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent you can speak with who you can speak to that will talk to your parents with you or for you. If so speak to them.
Most important here is you seek medical help. One of the biggest problems with the high cost of medical care in this country is we all tend to try and self treat before seeking medical care. This causes more care than if we sought medical help when we first became ill.
which one should i get?
i want to get auto sooooo bad because its so easy.
but my older brother is a big car freak and wants me to get a stick shift. and he said if i dont get it than he wont talk to me again....
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Manual transmissions are more macho and are probably why your brother wants you to by a car with a manual transmission; that is if you intend to let him drive it. The manual transmissions are easier to repair therefore less expensive to repair. They also take longer to learn to drive and I would not recommend taking your driving test on one unless you are truly proficient at shifting.
Being as old as I am I learned to drive on a manual transmission and still enjoy driving cars with that type of transmission. I prefer the manual transmission when driving in the snow as I fell I have better control of the car. What I do not like is when I am driving in the city with all the traffic; the constant working of the clutch and shifting can get a bit tiring.
There are pro’s and con’s to both types of transmissions. It comes down to this; if you own the car what are you going to enjoy driving. When you answer that question go buy your car. If you buy what your brother doesn’t like and he stops talking to you; well you never know that could be a good thing. LoL
Would it be wierd for a fourteen year old girl to date a sixteen year old boy. Its only a grade apart, (so like freshman/sophomore)but its still like a two year diference, what do you guys think?
There is nothing wrong with a two year age difference. By maturity factor, with girls maturing faster than boys, you are just aboiut right. Just watch where he puts his hands and do not allow him to force you to do anything you are not ready for.
Even though I said girls mature faster than boys, at 14 year of age it is my belief that no one is truely ready for sexual intercourse. The longer you wait the better the experience will be. So as I said do not let a first love convince you that you are ready for something you may not be fully ready for.
Ok so i'm 18 years old. And im there's something that's been bugging me for the last 4 years. I don't know and i'm confused. See, i was dating this boy and he wanted to have sex. I was a virgin so i was kinda nervous and kept talling him no. This persisted for about a month where i kept saying no and no. But eventually he convinced me that no harm would be done if i was naked. i was stupid and thought that if i gave in and just got undressed maybe he'd drop it and stop asking me for sex. Anyways, we started making out and u got uncomfortable because i felt his hand gtouching my thigh. Then his fingers went inside me. I didn't say anything because it felt good. Well then he got on top of me and said. "Let me put it in you" i got nervous and told him no no no. But he kept pushing. I started to get scared so i scratched his chest but he proceed to pin my thighs open and he just pushed himself inside me, all the while i was crying and asking him to stop. I mean i know i didn't want to have sex. But, i feel like it was my fault too. Maybe i shouldn't have been such a slut and taken my clothes off. I don't know. But now it's gotten to the point where i can't think. I feel used and dirty. And now, 4 years later, i still can't get intimate with any guy because i'm so scared to think that he won't stop when i say "no." so. i don't know. was i raped? Or was it all my own fault?
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Yes you were raped. You did nothing wrong, no means no and when you said no and he pinned your thighs open and forced himself into you, is when it came rape. Rape is a felony for which he may still be held accountable for should you want to bring charges. Every crime has a statue of limitations by which time charges must be filed. This differs from state to state though five years is a general minimum for many crimes. The fact that you were fourteen at the time if the boy was older than you by a certain amount of years, again this varies from state to state; he could also be guilty of statutory rape as well.
Bringing charges against this young man could bring a certain amount of closure for you and help you regain a sense of normalcy in you intimate relationships. Before you make any decisions I would suggest you contact an organization called RAINN. RAINN is a National Sexual Assault Organization that can be contacted online at http://www.rainn.org/. They also operate a telephone hot line 24/7 1-800-656-HOPE. The RAINN counselors will help you find local therapists to work with you and help you move forward. You can also talk to your therapist about making a police complaint.
im a 16/f and i recently lost my virginity to an 18/m. we arent going out but he claims that were friends with benefits. he doesnt like me in that way and he doesnt want a relationship. we arent even friends, im kind of just his booty call. im also hooking up with a 16/m, but he likes me. i dont like him that much. each guy doesnt know that im hooking up with both of them, and the 18/m told me he really wouldnt care if i liked someone else but he said he would probobly care if i was doing stuff with other guys. why do you think he would care if he doesnt even like me? he said that he just would. but i want to know why. it doesnt make sense..
and does this make me a slut..be honest.
You would be better asking one of the younger advicers this question
My son took a nap he laid on my lay on a chair for a while. when he woke up he was fine besides still a little tired so he laid with me for a while. I then let him go lay on my bed to watch cartoons. He came out crying and I asked whats wrong he keep syaing hes knee hurt so I took him back to the rom and let him lay down and rubbed it. a little bit later he came out again and keep falling down? could it be just a muscle ache? I gave him tylenol and rubbed lotion on his legs.
If he hasn't fallen recently it could be growing pains. If it still bothers him in the morning check with your doctor
how do i talk to my mum about sex
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Judging from the other questions you have sent in I would say you are probably in your very early teens. I also believe that your mother probably still sees you as a little girl and has not yet sat down with you to have “The Talk” as it was called in my day. So be prepared for your mother to be both shocked and possibly very much against having a discussion about sex with you.
This is not the type of subject you can go to mom and say that your friends’ mom has discussed sex with her and you think it is time you know about sex too. Every parent has different views on parenting as well as what and when they want their children to know about sex. If your parents are very straight laced about almost everything in their lives be prepared to be put off by your mom on this conversation.
There are two other directions your conversation can take with your mother. The first is she is open to the conversation and you sit down and she tells you everything she knows about sex. The second is she says she will try and answer any questions you may have so be prepared and have your questions written down.
Also be prepared for one question from your mom. Why do you want to know about sex? This is a valid question; and again just because your friend had a conversation with her mother about sex may not be a satisfactory answer for your mother.
I would be remise if I closed without adding the following. Should you be as young as I believe you are; it is one thing to be knowledgeable about sex and another thing to be having sexual relations at your age. Knowledge is good as it will help you from getting in to situations you cannot control. Boys who pressure you to have sex with them are looking for two things; their need to satisfy their raging hormones, and for bragging rights in the boys locker room. They aren’t interested in what they may leave behind even if what they leave behind may stay with you for a lifetime.
Okay. 21/f, he's 24/m, we've been together for, like, 4 years.
What's changed recently is that I'm in the throes of a massive pain problem. No doctor has found a correct diagnosis, and the painkillers I've been taking for it have recently stopped keeping the pain at bay.
A little background on me: I'm an extremely independent person, unused to leaning on anyone, let alone having anyone to lean on. This guy used to be like, the epitome of a bad boyfriend, and now all of a sudden, he's kinda perfect. I know I haven't adjusted to the change in him yet.
Problem: Every time I see him, having opened up to him more at this point, I feel the desire to just hug him and cry because I hurt so much. It happened ONCE that I actually did that, and I don't remember any of it. I kinda broke down, and I think it scared me a lot. I'm aware of this, and I'm aware that it won't happen every time I see him, but it's making me reluctant to hang out with him. Every time we're supposed to see each other, I cancel, and I hate myself for it. What's worse is that I'll cancel with him and go hang out with someone else. I know I can't isolate myself, so I try to surround myself with people. But I can keep up my front around people I'm not close with. I can't around him.
Logically, I know I should just suck it up and talk to him about this, but I don't feel like I can, and if I do, I don't know what'll happen to us. I feel like if I'm that open with him, he'll just run away. 'Cause really...would you want a depressed girl around after you just came out of depression yourself?
I've been his rock for, like, a year. I don't know how to switch roles like that.
Any advice? All suggestions are welcome here.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I am not writing to address your boyfriend problem but rather your pain problem. I too suffer from chronic pain for which the local practice doctors were unable to find the cause, other then it stemmed from an auto accident. None of the pain killers they gave me worked and like you I slid into a depressive cycle. This is called the cycle of pain. Pain causes depression and depression causes pain.
I didn’t give up when my local doctors could no longer help me. I called a University Hospital Medical Center. One that has a Medical School, I spoke with an outpatient coordinator who after listening to my symptoms’ and asking a few questions made an appointment with one of their doctors. It turned out the doctor she sent me to was not only the department head but also a Professor of Medicine at the School of Medicine. He was able to find the problem. Unfortunately the problem cannot be fixed, but with the proper diagnosis I was sent to a pain management center where the doctors there have been able to prescribe medications to keep my pain under control and various treatments that bring me almost pain free for periods of time.
My advice is to not give up. If you have not already done so contact the closest University Medical Center Outpatient Coordinator. Let them find a doctor, in Hospital, for you to see. Doctors who train other doctors are usually always on the cutting edge of medicine. Sometimes when we suffer from insurmountable medical problems these are the doctors we need to see. You also need to see a doctor for treatment of your depression. Depression will not go away by itself.
hi im 25/f and from England i have never asked anyone for help before and i think its about time i did.(sorry if its too long)
i have been in a relationship now for 6 years but for the last 5 months i have been through hell, it all started when i had a massive argument with my folks. myself and my other half were living with them as we had no where else to go, he moved out as he does not get on with my folks at all we have even been declined by them to get married! due to the argument my folks kicked me out of their house so i had to find somewhere to live and quick, luckily my partners boss had a shared house that i could move into with my 2 dogs and 2 cats. so i moved in there the very same day, it was going fine but due to myself not working i was able to get housing benefits so i did from the house, the landlord changed his mind and demanded i commit fraud by getting the benefits from his house in a totally different area but live in the house still. i declined to do this as i have to much to loose if i got caught so he evicted me, i have taken him to a solicitors but due to myself getting evicted i have had to sleep on the streets and rely on people i have just met to allow me and my animals to sleep in their houses (i know a lot of people but i don't have anyone that you can call a friend!) due to no one being able to help me anymore in the area i went to my partners but as he lives in a bedsit i could not keep the animals and stay there i have had to give all my animals up which breaks my heart as each one of those represents a miscarriage i have had! i am now living with my partner in secret so i have to stay in his room when he is not here. due to everything that has gone on i have gone down in the spiral of depression i cant sleep at night, i have lost weight and gone down 3 dress sizes in just under 2 months, i cant eat, i don't want to socialize, i am drinking more, i keep the curtains shut sit in a corner and stare into space all day and i am seriously thinking of suicide. my partner is really worried about me as i keep on going in to a depressive coma state but i cant come clean about everything to him as it will break his heart. i have been a self harming depressant before and got addicted to anti depressants, i don't no if i should go back on to them but my partner does not want me to he says i can fight through it with him. but anytime i see a train i think if it will be easier to jump in front of it or overdose or just go for a walk and never return?! what should i do if i don't do anything soon i think im going to do something stupid and end up in a mental hospital or worse a coffin. so should i go to the doctors, commit suicide, confess everything to my other half , or just see if it passes? can anyone help me please
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
England has National Health so the first thing you should do is go to a Doctor in fact you should go to the nearest Hospital Emergency Room for treatment for depression. Take the letter you have written us with you and show it to the doctors at the hospital.
I am not qualified to diagnose the type of depression you are suffering from; what I can tell you is that you will not climb out of your depressive state without medical help. This help may include medications and talk therapy. You talk about jumping in front of a train and ending it all. I am not sure if this is considered actively suicidal or just suicidal ideation whichever you need to address this with a qualified clinician.
The other things you have written about are clouded by your depression. Once you are in treatment the issues you have written about will take on a new perspective and can be worked on between you and your therapist. How do I know this? I too suffer from depression as a result of disabling injuries received in an auto accident. It took a long time working with my therapist to come to grips with my new lifestyle and dealing with the daily pain and medications. The result is I won and what I thought was so over bearing that I could not live with it as well as all those who were working against me I now see in a different perspective because I have my depression under control.
So please go to the Hospital and see a doctor today and start on the road to recovery
okay i am horrible at math but here is the problem:
( it is a table you have to fill in)
Okay so your on a 4 day road trip from Cali. to colorodo. Here is the info you know:
Day One California:
. Gasoline price per gallon 3.049
. Federal excise tax per gallon 0.184
. State excise tax per gallon 0.180
. State sales tax rate 0.0725
I NEED to figure out the ACTUAL FUEL COST PER GALLON how do i do that????
please help in any way you can
Here is the answer on an excel spreadsheet. It is really a simple matter of subtraction.
Gasoline price per gallon 3.049 $3.0490
. Federal excise tax per gallon 0.184 -$0.1840
. State excise tax per gallon 0.180 -$0.1800
. State sales tax rate 0.0725 -$0.0725
Price per gallon $2.6125
You can work =out each subtraction individually to arrive at the answer. First subtract the Fed tax from the price. The subtract the State excise tax from the remainder from the first subtraction. Then subtract the sales taxform the remainder of the second subtraction.
Remember you are going out 4 places to the right of the decimal point so all of your figures have to have 4 places to the right even if the arent there to begin with, just ad a zero to make up the missing digit.
As a junior, I am facing a lot of stress. Along with a 5-6 AP classes, I'm in debate and a ton of volunteer organizations and honor societies. The extracurriculars are not that time-consuming other than debate, but I've been somewhat gloomy these days. I've heard a lot of horror stories about how Junior year is the most important year of high school and how one particular AP class is very hard to Ace. Competition also bothers me too, considering I have a decent GPA (5.5/6.0...equivalent to a 3.8 or a 3.9/4.0 GPA), but I always seem to feel incompetent. I've seen so many other people in my class that juggle with more AP's and more extracurriculars (with officer positions in them) and still manage to make all A's and in the top of their class (they also seem to be very happy, with awesome friend circles). When I look at them I always tell myself "that I can do the same, just try harder", but I think I'm reaching a breaking point. I feel like a loser for not keeping up with this competition and working twice as hard compared to other people, but still so behind. I want Junior year to be survivable, but I also want to be happy for once in high school. My outlook for this year is hopeful, but I am extremely scared due to all the College Entrance Tests, Ap's, and SAT's I'll have to take. Help? I'm really scattered and out of sorts right now
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
The U S Army has a slogan; “Be all you can be” of course it goes on to say in the Army. Let’s just look at the beginning of the phrase, what is it actually saying.
Be all YOU can be; the emphasis is on the word you, you as an individual. What do YOU want? What are YOUR goals? These are the areas you should be focusing on. It matters not what anyone else is doing for you are only seeing the surface. Do you know for sure that they are happy with their lives? Are they doing what they are doing to please someone else? As a volunteer firefighter all too often I see the results of these over achievers and the pain it eventually causes their families should they fail to achieve what they have set out for themselves.
It is my belief that a person should set goals for themselves. These goals should be just slightly out of reach so that they present a challenge. Then you make a plan to obtain your goals. Your plan is a road map and along the way there may be some detours or even side trips. This is perfectly acceptable as long as the end result does not change. If you can do this and not try to keep up with what others are doing I believe you will have a much more enjoyable High School experience and be accepted in to the Colleges of your choice.
High school and your teenage years are supposed to be both a serious and fun time of life. The serious part of course is your education. The fun part is the social experience, which is also a learning experience, which comes with being a teenager and is part of the High School experience. In your plan you need to balance both your educational side and your social side of life. Something like the debate team can be both social and educational depending on how you divide your time.
In short, do not worry what someone else is doing, do what is best for you. Besides being a firefighter I have also been an employer. When I hire someone what I look for is someone that has the educational qualifications I am looking for and the social skills I need to do the job I am offering. Now is the time to get both of those requirements and in College you will refine them.
16/f
i am lifeguarding this summer and this guy jake who is 18 and my manager keeps teasing me. i always thought he kind of liked me because my first day of working he would do almost ANYTHING to get my attention. he started teasing me about little things (ewww gross what is that you are eating?) but now it's gotten a lot worse (i heard you gave tim a blow job!) he also orders me to do stuff and clean things and says i'm "whipped" aka his bitch. He also asks me if i'm a virgin (which i told him i am) and if i think he's hot and asks things like, "would you rather have sex with matt or me?" now other guys who i work with start teasing me, nothing as intense as that but still bad like, "i heard you had sex with josh!" or other things. this girl i work with says for me to not listen to him or other guys and that they just want to get reactions out of me. i'm not fat and i'm definitely not ugly so i don't see why they are doing this! jake doesn't act like this with any other girls (even girls he likes) so WHY is he doing this to me?
also on rare occasions he actually talks to me and tells me personal stuff (haha like how many kids he wants...what he is doing the next day...how it bothers him when he hangs out with some girls they don't put forth an effort to look good and don't wear makeup because they see him as a friend and only that) and is nice to me but what is up with the random mood swings??
another thing that has happened is i asked to take off of work and he demanded why and then i told him i was going on a date with this guy and he kept asking who and i finally told him. the date wasn't for a few days but he kept asking "how was your date?" everytime i walked in.
p.s. he left for college today and i was like "bye, jake have fun in college!" and gave him a hug and he didn't hug back he just left his arms open and was like "AHHHH!" (like in disgust) and then as i was walking up to the stand he said, "BYE KELLY!"
he came in later that day and saw me sitting on this guy's lap who was really into me and he was yelled at me "you whore!" (the whole time i was mouthing "help" because i really was not interested in the guy at all and wanted to get away from him) i explained this to him later and another guard was listening and said, "she's your girl why don't you do something about it?" this same guard earlier today told me "i bet in college he is going to find someone just like you to yell at and mess with!" i am sooo confused with what he thinks about me, and why he and other guys mess with me! advice please?
Before I answer your question I am going to suggest that when you finish reading my reply you sit down with your parents to discuss what steps if any to take to remedy what has happened to you this summer. I am suggesting this for two reasons. First I believe you are probably much younger than the 18 year old manager you worked for this summer. Second, and you may not believe this, you were sexually harassed by him. Not only were you sexually harassed by him but it happened in the work place. Both the harassment and the fact that it happened in the work place are protected by law and regulation. Your parents need to know about this so the proper steps can be taken to rectify and assure it never happens again to you or anyone else. I cannot stress strongly enough that you must tell your parents what has happened this summer.
Sexual harassment is protected under most State Law. The things he said to you and the questions he asked may qualify as sexual harassment under your states laws. By doing so in the work place he created a hostile work environment. Both the sexual harassment and the hostile work environment are protected under EEOC which has both State and Federal Agencies.
As you said the other lifeguard told you; your manager will probably find some other young women at school to harass as he has done to you all summer. He is probably correct in his thinking. This would be typical of the predator mentality. He has probably gotten away with this with other young female lifeguards before you and he will continue to get away with it until someone stops him. What he relies on is your embarrassment, immaturity and whether people will find you believable. As he gets older and finds himself in the position of power over vulnerable women he will demand more from them then just embarrassing them.
Why does he do this? I do not know; but you are in a position to stop him before he has an opportunity to hurt anyone else. That is why it is important for you to speak to your parents. Show them the letter you wrote to me and my reply. They may wish to consult with local law enforcement or even a lawyer. Whatever their decision hold your head up high and look the people in the eye when answering any questions as you are a victim and have done nothing wrong.
I would also suggest you ask your parents to find a therapist for you to speak with who is trained in matters of sexual harassment who can help you put this in a proper place.
I lack decent communication skills, I'm very shy, I don't like making eye contact or smiling at people, and I have difficulty making new friends and creating relationships. Such tasks as dating are very difficult for me and I'm only 21 years old. It feels like I'm never able to talk about things other people are interested in. I tried examining myself with a DSM book and I think I might have "Asperger's" but I don't know for sure since I haven't seen a doctor about these problems. Where can I get help?
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I don’t think you have Asperger’s Syndrome; this is something your teachers would have noticed in your very early grade school years. You are most likely very introverted and shy. People with Asperger’s are developmentally delayed, almost devoid of the social skills necessary to make friends.
Now this is just a knee jerk reaction based on your writing and can be as far off as your self-diagnosis and just as dangerous. Neither of us is a medical professionals trained to make the judgments required to make a diagnosis. What you need to do is see a doctor trained in metal illnesses. Depending on the type of health insurance you have you may have to start with a visit to your family practitioner for a referral to a psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment.
Off the subject for the moment is the problem of self-diagnosis. Self-diagnosis is very dangerous; even more dangerous is self medication. When you feel something is not right you need to go to a doctor or hospital. If you are uninsured and feel you have a life changing or life threatening illness the hospitals are obligated to treat you. For less serious illnesses there are free clinics available in most cities. Lastly you may qualify for Medicaid or Social Security Assistance. This of course depends on your employment, marital and living situation. There is help out there for those who need it, sometimes it takes a little courage and commitment to find the help needed but it is better than the alternatives.
okey s i go to a shrink or what you call it..and i have this problem with my mood.i am uaualy depressed,but i could feel atop of the World sometimes like i can do ANYTHING and i would be like kinda hyperactive and feeling oh god so good and well like there is nothing better in the world than that feeling,(its very rare maybe 2-4 times a year)anyway it just lasts from 1-5 days i think..can be 1 can even be for some hours..and then i can get SHIT depressed again.anyway now i go on cipralex and i have this feeling again often and i got it when i started them aswell..and i dont feel like myself..i dont think about consequenses of my actions. but my shrink talked about bipolar and said the a top of the world need to last for minimum a week..is this true?is there another bipolar that dosent last that long? also i have anxiety(sorry not from a english writing contry so it might be hard to understand my writing)
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
Not knowing what Country you are from is making answering your question a little harder as I am not aware of the Heath Care available to you. But first and foremost understand that those of us on this website are not medical professionals and not capable of making medical diagnosis. Neither should you try to self-diagnose as that could be dangerous.
The medication you are taking, cipralex, is a serotonin inhibitor used as an anti depression medication. Serotonin affects our mood swings and while it is not listed as a side effect, many anti depression medication can cause suicidal ideations. If you have not told you psychiatrist about this you need to do so. Your psychiatrist may want to change you medication. A change in medication may be all that is needed to have a positive effect on the things that you have told us about.
The fact that you are writing to us tells me you may not be happy with your present doctor. If this is correct and it is possible to do so you could seek out a new psychiatrist to treat you. Before doing so ask yourself one question: “Have I been totally open with my present doctor”. If you do not tell your doctor everything that is troubling you the doctor cannot properly treat you. If you feel you are by-polar and cannot remember everything, keep a diary and bring it with you to your doctor’s appointment. You do not say if you are also seeing a psychologist for talk therapy, if you are not ask your doctor if this would be beneficial, and to recommend one.
I hope I have been of some help to you.
My friend told me that she is gay and I do not want to be friends with her anymore. It's not that I don't like her as a person but I cannot grasp the fact that she has become a lesbian. Just months ago she was dating men and now she is claiming homosexuality. I don't like it and the entire thing makes me uncomfortable. I'm trying to avoid her now more than ever since she has confessed her sexuality to me and I feel that I need to just tell her to her face why I no longer have interest in our friendship. How should I tell her? What should I say? I don't want to come off as cruel by saying, "You're a homosexual and that makes me too uncomfortable to continue a friendship with you," but at the same time I think it sounds most appropriate because it is the truth.
I know it isn't fair of me to not tell her why I have been avoiding contact with her. I know I should tell her but I'm not sure how I should go about this. I was thinking a neutral setting would be most appropriate but I don't want to embarrass her if she gets upset in some form.
Does anyone have experience with this or any ideas of how I should handle this matter? Thank you.
As you have not supplied your age answering your question is somewhat harder. For the purpose of your question I will assume you are in your early to mid teens.
If I understand your question correctly; your friend has announced to you that she is a lesbian. You are upset by this revelation and uncomfortable by it as well. You are also confused by her announcement as just a short time ago she was dating me.
Consider this if you will: Teenager are forever exploring their sexuality, your friend may have experienced a lesbian relationship and enjoyed it. There are a number of reasons for this; first and the biggest, you cannot get pregnant from a gay relationship so it takes the stress out of it. Second, you can just about have sex right under your parents’ noses without them wondering what is going on in your bedroom; after all you are just two girls having fun. Last, the changing hormone in teenager, both boys and girls, makes for a great deal of sexual tension that has to find an outlet. Most teenagers resort to masturbation to satisfy these tensions. Others, again both boys and girls, experiment with gay relationships. This could be the situation with your friend. Whatever her reason for becoming or trying the lesbian lifestyle she has shown a great deal of trust and friendship in coming out to you.
As long as she understands you have no interest in a sexual relationship with her I see no reason why you should end your friendship with her. You may have to make certain adjustment to your relationship such as double dating. Other than that she is the same person she was before she came out to you. My suggestion is that you meet with her and explain to her that you were shocked by her announcement and have had some trouble coming to terms with it. Tell her that you still like her as a person and a friend but you are not interested in any type of sexual relationship with her. That you ask that she please not make any type of advance towards you in that manner or it will end your friendship. You can also add that for now you are not interested in meeting her significant other, possibly in the future as you grow more comfortable with her lifestyle.
Gay and lesbians are people just like you and me. Other than the flaming ones it is hard to pick them out of a crowd. Both my wife and I work and have worked with people who are gay and lesbians and met their significant others. It takes some getting use too, but if you can look past the stigmatism they are just people trying to get by in life.
I really did not mean to lecture but it is so hard to make friends and so easy to make enemies I thought you might be interested in another point of view. Whatever you decide please be kind and gentle for as I said it took a great deal of courage for your friend to come out to you.
I was going to buy some groceries yesterday and carrots were on the list. I went to the produce section to choose my carrots and found a sign that said some of them (slightly more expensive, by the way) were organic. I've been seeing "organic" on more products lately and was curious what exactly that meant. I just know somebody here on Advicenators knows :)
What is shown below comes directly from the Organic Trade Association web site. The web address follows: www.ota.com/organic/faq.html.
What is organic?
Organic refers to the way agricultural products—food and fiber—are grown and processed. Organic food production is based on a system of farming that maintains and replenishes soil fertility without the use of toxic and persistent pesticides and fertilizers. Organic foods are minimally processed without artificial ingredients, preservatives, or irradiation to maintain the integrity of the food.
Organically grown food is generally accept to be healthier for you as it is free of pesticides, in soil grown food, and antibiotics in animal grown food. For more information on the subject go to the web site I have supplied.
16f New Jersey
Im turning 17 in like 2 months! For the drivers test, specifically parallel parking, when you drive up towards the cone, should the end of the car be lined up with the cone? Or should side view mirror line up with the cone?..heres what I mean:
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I have been parallel parking for so long I have to stop and think how it is done.
1. Pull up next to the car in front so that the rear bumper of that car is parallel to the back of the front seat. This will leave about 1/3 to ½ of your car parallel to the parking space.
2. Turn the wheel, in the proper direction, and start backing into the space until the front of your car is at about a 45 degree angle to the car in front.
3. Now turn the wheel in the opposite direction and continue backing into the parking space.
If done properly you should end up properly aligned with car behind you and perfectly placed in the parking space. This takes practice, but once you have it down you will be able to park your car in the tightest of parking spaces’.