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guys teasing me
16/f
i am lifeguarding this summer and this guy jake who is 18 and my manager keeps teasing me. i always thought he kind of liked me because my first day of working he would do almost ANYTHING to get my attention. he started teasing me about little things (ewww gross what is that you are eating?) but now it's gotten a lot worse (i heard you gave tim a blow job!) he also orders me to do stuff and clean things and says i'm "whipped" aka his bitch. He also asks me if i'm a virgin (which i told him i am) and if i think he's hot and asks things like, "would you rather have sex with matt or me?" now other guys who i work with start teasing me, nothing as intense as that but still bad like, "i heard you had sex with josh!" or other things. this girl i work with says for me to not listen to him or other guys and that they just want to get reactions out of me. i'm not fat and i'm definitely not ugly so i don't see why they are doing this! jake doesn't act like this with any other girls (even girls he likes) so WHY is he doing this to me?
also on rare occasions he actually talks to me and tells me personal stuff (haha like how many kids he wants...what he is doing the next day...how it bothers him when he hangs out with some girls they don't put forth an effort to look good and don't wear makeup because they see him as a friend and only that) and is nice to me but what is up with the random mood swings??
another thing that has happened is i asked to take off of work and he demanded why and then i told him i was going on a date with this guy and he kept asking who and i finally told him. the date wasn't for a few days but he kept asking "how was your date?" everytime i walked in.
p.s. he left for college today and i was like "bye, jake have fun in college!" and gave him a hug and he didn't hug back he just left his arms open and was like "AHHHH!" (like in disgust) and then as i was walking up to the stand he said, "BYE KELLY!"
he came in later that day and saw me sitting on this guy's lap who was really into me and he was yelled at me "you whore!" (the whole time i was mouthing "help" because i really was not interested in the guy at all and wanted to get away from him) i explained this to him later and another guard was listening and said, "she's your girl why don't you do something about it?" this same guard earlier today told me "i bet in college he is going to find someone just like you to yell at and mess with!" i am sooo confused with what he thinks about me, and why he and other guys mess with me! advice please?
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hey, well i think they just want to see how much you can take, and handle before you snap. maybe he sees something in you..or maybe their just jerks who need "entertainment" to get them through the day. try your best to ignore them, and hide your reactions...that way they look like idiots talking to someone who isnt even paying attention...hope i helped
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This is a prime example of sexual harassment. It is not always meant to hurt other people, and some people don't even realize they're harassing. It should most defiantly be dealt with though. If you are working for this jerk then I would report to HIS supervisor. This kind of behavior is unacceptable. Don't let ANYONE mess with you or get you down. You need to stand firm in your values, don't let a jerk win you over because of "Talkin dirty." That isn't a good kind of guy. Trust me.
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He left for college, who cares why he teased you?
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He probably thinks of you as a little sister type of relationship. The teasing but then protectiveness. I've dealt with so many guys like this, you have to just take it lightly because he probably doesn't mean to upset you.
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The guy sounds like a jerk, Not only was he getting personal with asking stupid questions but it sounds like he somewhat harrassed you as well. He maybe 18 but from the things you said he said he is also immature. Some guys like to pick on people to get a "rise" out of them. If the guy liked you I would think he would be flattered to recieve a hug from the girl he liked and wouldn't ask personal questions exspecially ones that have to do with sex and blowjobs as that is your personal buisness. There doesn't have to be a reason for someone to pick on you all you need to do is give a reaction or be an "easy target" to them.
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Before I answer your question I am going to suggest that when you finish reading my reply you sit down with your parents to discuss what steps if any to take to remedy what has happened to you this summer. I am suggesting this for two reasons. First I believe you are probably much younger than the 18 year old manager you worked for this summer. Second, and you may not believe this, you were sexually harassed by him. Not only were you sexually harassed by him but it happened in the work place. Both the harassment and the fact that it happened in the work place are protected by law and regulation. Your parents need to know about this so the proper steps can be taken to rectify and assure it never happens again to you or anyone else. I cannot stress strongly enough that you must tell your parents what has happened this summer.
Sexual harassment is protected under most State Law. The things he said to you and the questions he asked may qualify as sexual harassment under your states laws. By doing so in the work place he created a hostile work environment. Both the sexual harassment and the hostile work environment are protected under EEOC which has both State and Federal Agencies.
As you said the other lifeguard told you; your manager will probably find some other young women at school to harass as he has done to you all summer. He is probably correct in his thinking. This would be typical of the predator mentality. He has probably gotten away with this with other young female lifeguards before you and he will continue to get away with it until someone stops him. What he relies on is your embarrassment, immaturity and whether people will find you believable. As he gets older and finds himself in the position of power over vulnerable women he will demand more from them then just embarrassing them.
Why does he do this? I do not know; but you are in a position to stop him before he has an opportunity to hurt anyone else. That is why it is important for you to speak to your parents. Show them the letter you wrote to me and my reply. They may wish to consult with local law enforcement or even a lawyer. Whatever their decision hold your head up high and look the people in the eye when answering any questions as you are a victim and have done nothing wrong.
I would also suggest you ask your parents to find a therapist for you to speak with who is trained in matters of sexual harassment who can help you put this in a proper place.
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From what I can tell, the guy likes you but he's a fucking idiot. He's got too high of an ego, and some serious jealousy issues. Basically, he thinks he already has you, and will react as such when in a situation such as when he saw you on that guy's lap. On the other hand, he can sometimes tell he's being aggressive, and will back off and try to be more passive. This is what seems like a mood swing. Being aggressive is his nature. He'll see that it is not working, and will switch gears...but, he's switch back because that's just who he is. Does that make sense? It kinda did in my head.
In other words, he's immature and does not know how to express his feelings towards you. Even in a better situation where he would not be leaving for college, I would advise against dating him. His jealousy and possible dominance issues would be too big an issue. If he comes back and seems to have grown up, then maybe.
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This dude is sporadic.
I think he picks on you as a defense mechanism, because he's trying to be macho and not really show that he likes you, but give you attention at the same time.
Ask him if you REALLY want to know.
--Jack
(17/m)
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