about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

i have cellulite on my thighs although i am thin!! i don't believe in creams.. do you think there is anything else can help? food or other things??

There are a lot of treatments for cellulite, including the creams, but from what I understand, most do not cure the problem. I think your best bet is simply following a healthy diet with plenty of fruits and veggies, drinking lots of water to help flush your body, and doing toning exercises to help smooth the area. Eliminating caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and other drugs might help as well. I have heard varying reports on the effectiveness of massage. The theory of massage is that it helps to break loose the cellulite so your body can eliminate it.

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So I don't usually get bad cramps, but yesterday and today I feel like someone it stabbing me in the uterus. Mydol doesn't work. Anything I can do? I already know the whole exersizing helps, I did last night and it didnt help. THANK YOU!

Personally, Midol never worked well for me. I always used Extra-Strength Tylenol. You might try it. Another thing that might help is a heating pad. If you don't have one, you can get the Playtex Heat Therapy pads at most stores. They're the peel and stick pads that warm when exposed to the air and usually stay warm for quite a while. Just stick one on your lower belly. As a last option, try a warm bath. Sometimes soaking in the tub will relax you enough the cramps will ease.

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hey okay i got kind of a problem here well i was supposed to see a guy that i like who is 14/m who will be turning 15 soon and iam f/16 and i wrote him a letter and stuff put it in envpole and now i can't give it to him because i can't see him on monday because i have soccer. Iam really pissed i've always wanted him to have that letter and i talked to my mom about it and she siad if i don't get a chance seeing him agian i should send the letter through e-mail and i don't know thats right or not because iam like getting all pissed and don't know what to do!!

Thanks Lo

I don't see a problem with sending him the letter through email if you're not able to give it to him in person. When my husband and I were dating, we kept in contact through email and IM until we were able to be together. While face-to-face is definitely better, sometimes you have to improvise. Good luck.

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I don't want to offend anyone with my questions but theres just so much that doesnt make sense about god and religion. i really do want to believe but i dont understand somethings and it makes me think god cant exist becaus of these things that dont add up.
firstly evolution. humans evolved from apes, there's been loads of scienctific evidence and documentries about it and you learn about it in science. But the bible says adam and eve were the first man and woman, so according to religion evolution cant have existed, well not in humans anyway.
If god is so great and loves us all, why does he make people suffer? i mean even highly religion people. the pope sufferd loads before he died and he's about as religios as people get, so why would god make him suffer?
Also, if god is so great and loves us all, why does he send people to hell? i know some deserve it but surely he wouldnt want anyone to be sent to hell for eternity?
This last point is not something i thought of, it's something that was talked about on the radio but it makes you think. There are lots of religions, but if any, only 1 must be true and the rest of them are lies. people must have made some religions up because some say theres only 1 god, some religions have many gods and all different types of beliefs, so they cant all be true. i hope someone can help me, because its so confusing and i honestly do want to believe.
sorry, if i offended anyone, i really dont want to. its just so confusing.
thank you x

You asked some good questions here. The following is only my view and I'm sure there are others that will disagree.


Evolution-According to the Bible, man was created after animals. Who's to say that God didn't make ape and man similar? It would account for the DNA similarities. It might not necessarily mean that the ape changed and became man, but rather that they came from the same source, God.


Suffering-The logic here is sometimes hard to follow. I believe that God does everything for a reason. Think back to a hard time in your life. Did it change your views or make you stronger in some way? In my experience, when I go through hard times, it changes me and often makes me a stronger person because I've went through them. Also, seeing others around me suffer has taught me compassion and encouraged me to seek out ways to help people. Perhaps this is the reason behind suffering.


Hell-I was taught that anyone who believes will be saved and go to Heaven; those who don't believe will perish and be sent to Hell. I look at it this way. Would you want someone in your home that was against you? I believe that God offers all of us a chance for Heaven. If we don't accept, it's our choice, but there are consequences.


Different religions-This is something I've wondered about myself. In the Bible, I've noticed that God is called by several different names. Who's to say that the other religions are calling Him a different name but talking about the same person? In religions with several Gods, I think it might come from a split. If you add all the gods of that religion together, you'll usually find that it's the same as the one God that others believe in. As far as the different beliefs, I think it can come from interpretation. If I said something to a group of people and then asked them what I said, I would most likely get a different answer depending on who I asked. This is true of religious texts as well. Think about the various versions of the Bible that are out there. They're supposed to be translated from the same original text, but some lines are different. I think it comes from how the writers interpreted.

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im 13 and i have a body of a 16 year old, i weigh 120 and im 5'3 or 5'4 i know thats not really fat but you have to understand when i was 9 i always dreamed of going to jr high and high school being popular and skinny with alot of frinds, when i moved to a different part of new hartford i was only 10 and in 5th grade and i threw up not onpupose everyday b/c i was nervous, i lost a lot of weight and felt great and then i broke my arm i couldnt play outside and it rained during the summer so i had to stay inside it sucked and as you know when there is nothing to do you eat and i ate i got really fat and everyone knew it then i excersided and i lost a lil bit of weight and then i did cross country and i lost alot of weight i felt a lil good but not enough scence its been over i have been doing things excersise to help and i have fat not much but enough to make me go crazy!! my lil sister she has no fat there its like love handles only i have a lil i would love to loose weight to get to 100 or even better 90 and i looked at starving myslef or throwing up like i did when i was 10 and i did onece but then i couldnt sleep at night and i was uncomfortable so i stopped that now im back to wear i started im doing track soon so that willl help but i want to loose it now i know its bad but how would you feel waking up and looking at ur sisrer who is 12 and skinner than u were ever were you know you can look like that and trust me i asked her how she stays that way and she doesnt remember how she did it so now im screewed i know crunches work ive been doing that i want to get rid of it tell me how to stay on something that will work quick like throwing up i have a hard time doing it but i feel like i have no other choice i bawled about this onece and my mom said that if i ever had a problem like that she would send me somewhere and i dont anyone to know about it just so you know i have 8 people in my house so i have to keep it quiet and i have a big family and i dont want my b/f to know either so how do i keep it quiet and knowone knowing and how do i loose it fast?? i have been crying over for this for months and years pleez help me!

120 is actually a healthy weight for your height. I'm 5'4 and my doctor has told me that 115-135 is a healthy weight range for me.


Instead of trying to lose weight, I would suggest toning exercises. You may appear bigger than you are simply because the muscles aren't toned. By doing exercises to tone flabby areas, you'll improve your appearance without endangering your health. Crunches, especially the variations of them, will help tone your stomach. Leg lifts and squats will help tone your butt and thighs. Arm presses and pushups will help tone your arms.

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Hey I need advice asap! 18 female. I am currently about 2-4 days late on my period. Also i usually start my period before my best friend and she is already started. So here is the deal. My boyfriend and i fooled around, with him inside me...but he didn't cum inside me and he was inside me for about 2 mins at themost. What are my chances of being pregnant . i am so worried and paranoid.
Please help

There is a slight chance you might be pregnant. When men are aroused, they usually leak a small amount of pre-ejaculate which does contain enough sperm to get you pregnant. Since he was inside you, the sperm could have gotten inside you that way. I would suggest buying a home pregnancy test. If you test negative, but are still having pregnancy symptoms, wait another week before doing a second test. If you're still having symptoms after the second test, you need to visit your gynecologist, health department or planned parenthood office and request a blood test. The blood test is much more sensitive and accurate. It will be able to tell you for sure.

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so ive taken preg tests from my school twice.. nd they both came out that im NOT pregnant and they are sposed to be really good pregnancy tests.. but im sitll 8 weeks late for my period..

WHAT SHOULD I DO? what do you think?

Sometimes simply stressing over your period will make it late. Have you have any diet or exercise changes recently? These will also effect your period. Try to relax and give your period a little more time to start. If it still doesn't start and you're normally regular, I would suggest seeing a doctor and requesting a blood test. The blood test is much more sensitive and accurate than other pregnancy tests. It should be able to tell you for sure whether you're pregnant or not. If you're not comfortable seeing your family doctor, you can try your local health department or planned parenthood office for testing.

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are your wisdom teeth suposed to hurt when they come in? If they do does it eventually stop once they completely come in? See mine are coming in. i Have 2 already and the other two on my right side is just killing me. i see them coming through and there in the same spot as the other ones on the other side. but they just hurt. i dunno why. And to top it off im so affraid of the dentist i just dont tell anyone they hurt. I CANT go there. biggest fear of mine.

any ideas? 5's for good advice

Ouch. Since I've had a lot of trouble with my wisdom teeth, I understand your pain. I'm also terrified of the dentist, but finally had to give in due to the pain. I'm scheduled to have mine pulled later this month. I wish I'd got over my fear sooner instead of living with the pain for several years. Mine started bothering me at 17 and I'm now 23. Believe me, it's better to go ahead and get it over instead of living with the pain.


Like the others have said, they generally knock you out for the procedure. However, they can do it without knocking you out in some cases. For instance, I'm currently pregnant so they can't knock me out. From what I was told by my dentist, there will be some numbness after the procedure and you should receive something for pain. You should be back to normal within a couple days. My mother had hers done a while back and was back at work the next day.


Definitely tell your parents. When they make you an appointment, explain to the dentist beforehand that you're nervous about the procedure. I don't know if all dentists do it, but mine offers a mild sedative for nervous patients.


Until then, you still have to deal with the pain. Ask your parents about an OTC pain reliever such as Tylenol and see if you can get some Orajel. I find the taste awful, but it does numb the area for a bit so it doesn't hurt. I've also found that putting a cool compress on my jaw helps to relieve the pain.

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Sorry if this was the wrong category to choose...

Recently my boyfriend's aunt died from cancer. They knew she was sick for a while but they thought she was doing pretty good until a couple days ago. He was very close to his aunt and he is devastated. Every night i talk on the phone to him and he is just so depressed and he misses her so much. I have never lost someone really except all my grandparents but i was too young to really understand. When he talks to me i have no idea what to say. I know i can't make him feel better and its still going to hurt but i have no idea what to say. any advice appreciated

There's not much you can say right now. Sometimes just being there is the only thing that you can do. Just let him know that you're there for him if he wants to talk or needs a shoulder. If he's religious, you can remind him that she's gone to a better place and is now watching over him. If he wants to talk, encourage him to remember the good memories.

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ok i know i have wrote to ya'll before about me being worried about my period but now im really worried. i have only gotten my period once because i am 13 and it first started in the last week of October. i bled for 2 & 1/2 days. now it is the 2nd week of march and i havent seen it sinse october. is something wrong with me. my friends say that i shouldnt worry about it because it will be eregular but it had been almost 5 MONTHS! no im not pregnant because i havent had sex but the day that i did get it i was masturbating but i know i didnt pop my cherry because i bled for 2 and 1/2 days. do you think i cut myself or something? anyway please help if your can and dont give stupid answers!
i rate high for good answers!

Sometimes it takes women's bodies a while to adjust to periods. Most women will naturally regulate, but there are few that continue to have irregular periods. I'm one of the ones that always have irregular periods and I'm nearly 24. Since it bothers you, I would suggest visiting your family physician or gynecologist for a checkup. They will be able to determine if everything is progressing normally. If you are one of the women that always have irregular periods, it can be treated fairly easy.

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Hey, I have a weird question, kinda...Lol.
So I signed up for a couple of account things on this credit card, and I'm thinking about cancelling the credit card account.
If I cancel this card, will the memberships I have be cancelled as well?
They're supposed to bill that card for the memberships, but if I cancelled the card, they wouldn't be able to bill it, would they? Or would they just send bills to my address and I'd have to pay with another card?
Proper spelling and grammar is appreciated. Thanks!

You would probably have to call the accounts and set up a different payment arrangement first. Otherwise, if you cancel the card first, you'll most likely have an interruption in service with the accounts until you get a payment arrangement straightened out. There's also the issue that if the accounts are turned in on your credit, they'll show up as a late pay if your card declines and they have to wait for a payment.

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lately i have been so stressed and worried about one of my classes. i used to force myself to study all day for 5 days in advance of a test (including saturday and sunday) so that i would get a "good grade". its gotten to the point where i see a therapist and take medication. my mom is concerned, so she is only letting me study 2 hours a day so that i wont be overstressed, and she said that if i dont do well on tests that itll be her fault. my question is, is it better to cry and panic all the time and get a good grade or to enjoy life and not study as much and get a lower grade?

I think your mom has the right idea. If you study too much, you run the risk of overloading your brain and forgetting what you've studied. Studying for smaller periods of time will help you remember the facts without stressing yourself. If you get a less than perfect grade on the test, it's okay. There will be other tests. If your grade gets too low, you can always try speaking to your teacher about extra credit. Some teachers will allow you to do things for extra credit if they see you're making an effort.

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i want to start modeling
but i have no idea once so ever how to get a job or even noticed
know any agents or people who need 13 year olds?

I think your first step would be to get some photographs done. They don't necessarily have to be professional, just make sure they show you in your best light. Take a variety of photos, both face and full body shots. Try some different outfits so they can get an idea of what you look like in different clothing.


Then, you need to look for a modeling agency. Make sure they're a member of the Better Business Bureau(BBB). This helps ensure that it's a legitimate business. You can check to see if they're a member and also if there have been any complaints by visiting the link below.
http://www.bbb.org


When you've found a few that seem like they'd be good for you, don't be afraid to ask questions. Ask about the fees they charge and their experience. Make sure to have any contracts reviewed by your parents and a lawyer before signing anything. If I'm not mistaken, your parents will have to be involved anyway because you're under 18.


I'm giving you a link to a modeling scout service. I haven't had personal experience with them, but from browsing the site, it seems like a good place to start. They're a member of the BBB. I checked and they're a member with good standing and have had no complaints in the last 3 years.
http://www.modelscouts.com/index.html


Good luck.

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I'm a junior in high school, and to tell you the truth, I want to get through college as quickly and easily as possible, mainly because 1 I have a job and 2 I want to really start my life. In order to do this, what kind of classes should I take? What kind of college should I go to? Any other tips?

*I am not made of money so don't recommend top universities or anything please

While you're in high school, try to take as many upper level courses as you can handle. If your school offers AP classes, take them as well. If you score high enough on the AP exam, colleges will usually accept it as credit for a class. I was able to get credit for freshman english and US history from AP classes in high school.


If you don't already, try to get involved in some community activities or volunteer work. These look great on a college application. Also some community service organizations offer scholarships to members so it might mean more money for college.


Also, see if your school offers dual credit if you take classes at the community college while in high school. I took college level biology at the community college while I was in high school. I got college and high school credit for it. It might be something to look into. If you're worried about cost, some community colleges waive class fees for high school students. My local college did and all I had to pay for was my textbooks for the class and the gas driving to and from class.


As far as colleges after high school, it depends on what you wish to major in. Community colleges can offer many programs. They also tend to be a lot cheaper as far as tuition. Most community colleges do not offer dorms so you can also save on housing fees if you live at home. The only problem with community colleges is that they're sometimes limited on the classes they offer.


To help save on college costs, I recommend staying in the state you live in. Out-of-state tuition is generally much higher. Also, talk to your school guidance counselor about scholarships you might apply for and contests for college funds. I'm giving you a couple links to scholarship listings as well so you can start looking.
http://www.scholarships.com
http://www.fastweb.com
http://www.college-scholarships.com
http://www.finaid.org/scholarships


When you get ready to apply to college, make sure to fill out the FAFSA (Federal Application For Student Aid). Your guidance counselor can give you this or you can do it online at the link below. This will help colleges determine what financial aid you're eligible for. Make sure to have current year taxes handy when you go to fill it out as they will request information from them.
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov


Good luck.

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Hey. Does anybody know where I can go on the web to find information on someone? Any kind of inormation about people. (Not famous people or people though).
Oh, also, is there anyway I can find out someone's address by their phone number?
Thank you for your time.

Type "reverse phone directory" into any search engine and you'll find plenty of sites that will allow you to find out an address from a phone number. Note: This doesn't work with cell phones or unlisted numbers. Also, some addresses are incomplete. For instance, my number will pull up only the town, not the street address.


To find out more information, try putting "people search" into a search engine. It should pull up pages that will help. Just remember, a lot of times this will only pull up phone numbers, address, and sometimes email addresses.


If your state allows internet access to public records, you can also pull up some information that way. Just put "your state public records search" into a search engine.


You might also try visiting http://reunion.com or a site of a similar nature. They sometimes have profiles with more detailed information.


If you're willing to spend some time wading through paysites, you might find some more information by putting "free background check" into a search engine. A lot of the results will be paysites, but if you keep going through, you will find some that are free. Of course if you're willing to pay for it, the paysites can give you information as well.


As a last resort, try running the person's name through a search engine. This rarely pulls up anything, but you might get lucky.

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ok.. so my boyfriend looks at porn. ive never had a problem with porn with any other guy ive been with, but lately its been getting to me. I just cant bare the thought of my boyfriend fantasizing about other women. even worse; their bodies are perfect && mine are far from it and i just dont want him comparing me to them. So my question is:
-Is it ok for me to feel this way?
-Is looking at porn considered cheating to some people?
-Should i say something to my boyfriend
-If so what?
(hes very stubborn)

Porn tends to be a big issue for a lot of people. Personally, I've never had a problem with it. The way I look at is that they can look, but not touch. As long as the porn doesn't start affecting my relationship, it's okay with me.


It's completely normal for you to feel the way you do. A lot of women do feel self-conscious and wonder if their partners are comparing them to porns. When it starts bothering you, try to remember that the chances of your boyfriend actually meeting these porn stars are next to none. Also, remember that he chose you for a reason so obviously he's attracted to you as well.


Some people do consider looking at porn cheating. Personally, I don't. After all, they're not really interacting with the porn stars or touching. It's something you have to decide for yourself.


Since it bothers you, I think you should say something about it. Try to do it in a calm and tactful manner. Avoid "You always..." and "You never..." statements. I've found that avoiding these kind of statements and saying "This makes me feel..." works better. I wouldn't suggest demanding that he doesn't watch porn at all. Most likely he'll refuse. I would try to work out a compromise somehow that makes you both happy.

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Hi, I'm Erika, and this is the first question I'm asking on Advicenators. For my HS, we're doing an AD Sweep downtown. My teacher says we need to dress nice, sophisticated, and casual... and I'm not a very businessy type of person, so is there anything I could wear that would be, you know, "sophisticated"??? Also, we can't wear pants.

I did something similar when I was in highschool. I wore a black skirt that hit just above the knee and a simple blouse. The first time I wore heels, but I quickly learned they get uncomfortable after a while and switched to dressy flats. Makeup should be subtle. Now isn't the time to try a new look. Jewelry should also be subtle. A pair of earrings, a simple necklace and maybe a ring or two should be more than enough. For your hair, you want something that keeps it out of your face. Otherwise, you'll spend the entire time brushing your hair back. I did a French braid. Not only does it keep your hair out of the way, it also looks elegant.

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i am writing a thesis paper in History, and I am writing about the Hollywood Blacklist (dealing with McCarthyism). I have done ALOT of reasearch about my topic, & i know a great deal about it, but I am having trouble coming up with an actual thesis. i guess i want something to do with mccarthyism influencing entertainment/
theatre /plays (like arthur miller's the crucible, for instance), but i really don't know how i would write this paper (would each paragraph be a different play that was indluenced? if you have any knowledeg of this, i greatly appreciate it thanks!
i know that this is not a homework help site & none of you can actually do my homework for me, so i would just like to note that i am not asking you to do my homework...i'm just asking for a bit of help.

It would depend on how each play was influenced and whether your thesis is an overview of the effect (for example it crippled the industry) or a breakdown of the various effects (for example it led to blacklisting, censorship, etc).


If several plays were influenced in the same way (perhaps censored), it would be best to keep them together so your thoughts are organized. If they were affected in different ways, you can use paragraphs to separate them. For example, paragraph 2 talks about x effect as shown by Play A. Paragraph 3 talks about y effect as shown by Play B.

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My dad pasted away Thursday and his funeral was on Saturday (yesterday). I was out of town when he died and my mom told me that if I wasn't able to get back on Saturday before the funeral that she would post-pone it. I was able to find a plan back Friday night so I called her and told her that she didn't need to post-pone anything.


Well, my plan was delayed until Saturday morning. When I called her then, my Aunt picked up (my dad's sister not my mom's) and told me that it was too late to push anything back because everything was ready. I asked to speak with my mom and she wouldn't let me. I couldn't reach anyone else so I was forced to miss it! If that isn't the most fucked up thing ever I don't know what is. My mom didn't even know about it until I didn't show up.


All my family from my dad’s side are assholes and the only thing they ever wanted from my dad was his money. We're pretty well off and they've never visited him at the hospital while he was sick. They came maybe once or twice in 7 months. And I HATE that people like that that didn't even deserve to be at the funeral or even know a great man like my dad got to be there and I didn't!


Everyone came over last night to "be there for us" and my dad's family stood away from everyone else and sat in a circle by themselves joking and stuff. They didn't even try to comfort my mom who couldn't get off the couch all night because she couldn’t stop shaking and crying. Her siblings were the only ones around her.


I couldn't go downstairs where everyone was because of them. I didn't want to see any of them. I know that upset my mom and my brother and sister even more but I just couldn't.


I'd give anything to have my dad back. His family can take all of our money, cars, house, whatever they want if we could have him for a few more years. I was taking to my brother about that and my aunt heard (the one that told me it was too late to post-pone the funeral) and she told me that I needed to stop being selfish and that I should be happy that I at least have those things. So I told her to shut up and leave my house. My mom heard that and told me to go back up stairs.


I don't know what to do. I wish it were them that were gone not my dad. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I'm outraged at your aunt for being so insensitive. Losing a loved one is difficult enough without dealing with the attitude you got from your dad's family. Since you weren't able to attend the funeral, why not ask your mom about doing something in memory of your dad? Perhaps plant a tree or take a day to do something that he enjoyed. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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Hi All,

I am thinking about taking classes to become a dog trainer. I have a lot of hands on experience already, but I have the feeling that a certification will be important. Eventually I'd like to start my own business. There is obviously a shortage of qualified trainers and many people own dogs. So I see a need for this.

So what do you think, would you rather attend classes given by a certified instructor or a self taught person?

I can buy many books on the subject and it will be cheaper than the tuition for a coorespondence course.

How about personal consultations in the home? If you could afford it wouldn't that be better than a class with 20 people and their dogs?



In my experience, most certification classes are taught by certified instructors. While a self-taught person can teach you the same thing, they may not be able to give you your certification. If certification is your goal, then it'd probably be best to go for a class taught by a certified instructor.


I can see the advantages of both personal consultations and large classes. A personal consultation means one-on-one attention. A class offers less individualized attention, but there's more chance to questions and discussion because of the higher number of people. What is more important to you-individual attention or more chance for discussion and the possibility of learning a different view?


I would suggest finding someone who has their certification and asking them how they did it. They may be able to give you more detail pros and cons. Just remember that what worked for them may not necessarily work for you. Listen to what everyone says and then decide the option that's best for you. Good luck.

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