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death in the family
Sorry if this was the wrong category to choose...
Recently my boyfriend's aunt died from cancer. They knew she was sick for a while but they thought she was doing pretty good until a couple days ago. He was very close to his aunt and he is devastated. Every night i talk on the phone to him and he is just so depressed and he misses her so much. I have never lost someone really except all my grandparents but i was too young to really understand. When he talks to me i have no idea what to say. I know i can't make him feel better and its still going to hurt but i have no idea what to say. any advice appreciated
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
My friend's father pasted away from cancer a few days into the new year, last year. He was really close to him, and we were all in shock of when it happened. I made him scared when I was comfronting him when he told me his dad was going in for serious surgery and was saying how they don't know if he'll make it through. All I could say to him was "No matter what he'll always be there for you. You made him proud in the past and you will do in the future. He loves you no matter what happens." and etc. Just explain to him that..which has to be true. Explain that if he ever feels like he needs to talk to her, that he can. She'll always be there for him, just not like how she used to be. She can give him answers that she couldn't when she was alive. But she'll always be there watching over him 24/7 now keeping him safe, just like my friends father is watching over my friend right now. Also, remind him that she is in a better place now. She no longer has to suffer the pain any longer. It may hurt to say, but he should be happy for her. He probably is, just remind him. She will always be there and she'll always love him.
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There's not much you can say right now. Sometimes just being there is the only thing that you can do. Just let him know that you're there for him if he wants to talk or needs a shoulder. If he's religious, you can remind him that she's gone to a better place and is now watching over him. If he wants to talk, encourage him to remember the good memories.
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I have been a bereavement councilor in the past. What I find that works best in these situations is simply be there to listen. Let him talk all he wants about how he feels and don't be in judgment about it. Hug him, hold him if you can see he needs it. Simply be loving and kind to him. If he gets snippet don't let it bother you. Let it roll off. This is part of grieving. You don't really have to say anything about his aunt; it's your being there for him that counts. You can keep reminding him how much you care about him and how special he is to you. This weekend see if you can't engage him in some activity like going to the movies or getting together with friends. Activity takes a grieving persons mind off of the death temporarily. I know this is a difficult time for you. Just be your loving and caring self and it will all work out. When they say, "it takes time" just realize it is true. I wish you the best of luck in this and my heartfelt sympathy for this difficult time. If I could wave that magic wand I would do just that.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
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Here is a web site that you can read and get some information from. It explains how to help someone with their grief, and kind of tells you what they are going through.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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