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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

OK well, for my class trip this year, we are going to Washington DC. At the hotel, their will be a pool and everything, and I really wanna look hot in a bathing suit for the guys. The problem is, i am only a 34A and my mom is really strict on swim suits. How could I look super hot?

Try to focus on finding a suit that makes your butt look really good. You're small up top and you're probably small in general so what guys are going to be looking at is your butt and your stomach. If your mom is okay with a 2 piece, that would be great and remember, you don't really have boobs, so it doesn't matter how flashy the top is. Consider this too: looking sexy isn't just about what you wear. It's about your body language and your attitude too. If your mom won't let you get a nice suit, you can still pull off sexy in a 1 piece. If you think you're sexy and you act sexy you will be. Have a great time!

i know that showing cleavage is what guys like, but like what kind of cleavage? Like, I am kinda skinny, so the bones in my neck area are kind of visible, more visible as you get closer to my breasts. Is there any way to show cleavage to my advantage?

Honestly, any kind of cleavage is to your advantage. Boobs are boobs and guys like them. Don't put so much thought into this. Guys sure don't! :)

well, i had my first makeout yesterday under a bridge. this isnt something i would normally do because usually i am prude. i kinda feel slutish even though it was only like a 20 second makeout, is that normal? should i feel like that? and are you supposed to swallow during it because the first time me and my boyfriend did it, i swallowed and it made a really weird sound and i dont know if i wasnt supposed to but i dont it just felt weird. and then his friend told me that he said i was good for my first time. is there and do's and don'ts about making out? im just really scared i did something wrong

thanks in advance!

I think it's normal. I must have been really fun too. Just don't start doing it a whole lot. :)

As for the swallowing part, I haven't had that problem before. When I make out with someone, we don't have our lips locked for that long. If you move around a lot, swallowing won't be so awkward because your lips aren't touching all the time. If you feel the need to swallow just pull away for a second, swallow, and go back in doing something different. That shouldn't be awkward. I think the only don'ts for making out are trying to talk and stuff like that. Everyone's technique is different and everybody likes different things. Nobody will judge you as much as you're judging yourself. Think about it. It doesn't even make sense. How would you know if you're a good kisser? It's not like you can kiss yourself! If you're not doing a good job, trust the guy to tell you what you're doing wrong. For now, just relax. Things like this happen. :)

is it wrong to kiss a friend if they know it means nothing and that its just for fun? like hooking up at a party. i know alot of people do it but is it considered slutty or just a teenager-like thing to do?

Nothing against the columnist that answered before me, but she's European. If you're from the US, I think that things like this aren't quite so acceptable. It's slutty and teenager-ish to me for sure. I have felt this way my whole life. I think that the only people that would completely disagree with me are people that are, well, slutty teenagers. Don't get me wrong, it's not a horrible thing to do and there's nothing wrong about it, but you could be creating a bad image for yourself if you participate in stuff like what you mentioned. Remember, the only part of you that people can see is how you carry yourself on the outside. Whether you're a slut or not, if you hook up at parties with girls and guys, it is going to be interpreted one way. If people think you're a slut, they'll treat you like one. Plus, hooking up at parties could lead to more and more high risk activities like unprotected sex and drugs. You really don't wanna get involved with that. Kissing should be something special that you share with that special someone. If you don't have a special someone, you wait until you get one. You will save yourself a whole lot of grief if you do and people will respect you a whole lot more. People may tell you "you're only young once", but you could mess up your future as an adult completely if you make the wrong choices as a teen. Planning for a good future is a much better idea than enjoying a good present way too much. You'll only be a teen for 7 years. You'll be an adult for at least 50. There's no reason why you can't let loose and have a little fun, but be smart about it. You know what you should be doing and what you shouldn't. Most importantly, don't tell yourself that you'll stop when you're older. You won't. Being permiscuous when you're young will make you more apt to be permiscuous when you're older. You'll be more likely to cheat and you'll have a lot of trouble with relationships.

Hi i'm 15/f. I know this sounds weird, but I never feel girly. I just wear like loose fitting t-shirts and jeans everyday, with my hair in a pony tail. I never wear anything different. I mean, I like girly shirts and cute outfits, but for some reason the way they fit I just can't stand how tight they are. Im not fat or anything they are just so uncomforable. Same with my hair, I just wear it in a ponytail everyday because wearing my hair down just annoys the LIFE out of me. I mean, I know I should just be myself, but do you know why these things bother me so much? What can I do to get used to them?

I used to wear only comfortable clothes. I couldn't stand anything that didn't feel like it wasn't even there. The way I got over it was to just start wearing things that weren't quite as comfortable. It's insanely annoying for a while, but you do get used to it. So basically, you'll just have to sacrifice being comfortable for a few weeks and after that you're golden. There's not much else you can do and really, it's not that painful. Good luck! :)

Yesterday I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I didn't bleed and it didn't really hurt (but then, I WAS drunk.) I ride horses a lot, I use tampons, and I DO masturbate. He asked me seriously if I was a virgin before that and I told him yes, but I don't think he believed me...Is there any way I can convince him?

Ask him why he thinks you weren't. You can explain to him why his reasons aren't valid. Does he know you masturbate? If not, telling him may help. If he doesn't wanna play nice, you can be a little mean about it. Was he a virgin? Is he comparing you to someone else? If so, chew him out. Maybe it was just better with you because he likes you more. Maybe it was better because he is better now. Maybe it was better because you like him more than that other girl did. Plus, you're a different woman than any past girlfriends and if he doesn't like your body as much as he liked theirs, he'll never have to see it again. If he was a virgin what is he basing all this on? Nothing! If he can't get over this and he's going to hold it over your head, he's not mature enough for you at this point in your life. Seriously consider breaking it off with him. You need to know that you have his trust. A relationship without trust is never going to work out. I really hope that things get straightened out between you two. Don't give up on things too soon, but be ready to just in case. Good luck. :)

19/F

I'm in a really small university class (only 31 of us in my year of my program).

Lately I've had a really bad rough patch; I was helping one friend out of an abusive relationship, and another friend out of an accidental pregnancy, so that was stressing me out. Added on to this was the fact that I suffer from depression, I'm having serious financial issues, and I've been fighting a lot with my boyfriend (who I live with).

I've had one prof who has really been amazing. When I missed a lot of class, he e-mailed and even called, to make sure I was allright. He's copied out notes that I've missed for me, and he isn't holding my absence against me. He's been really concerned about me, and it's meant a lot to me.

I really want to do something nice for him, but I don't know what. He's in his fifties (I think) and he's a math professor.

The only problem is that I can't really spend much, so storebought gifts are pretty much out of the question.

Any ideas for what to do to thank a professor who goes far beyond his regular duties as an instructor?

A well thought out, well written letter would mean the world to him. He'd keep it forever.

My mom is a teacher and she doesn't like when people give her gifts. A lot of the time she doesn't like the gifts themselves, doesn't know what to do with them, or feels like she doesn't deserve them if they're really extravagent. So, if you're thinking about getting him a gift, be careful.

As for the food, you don't know what he likes, you don't know about any allergies he may have, and talking from experience here, it can be really uncomfortable to get homemade food as a present when you're a teacher. My mom brought food home all the time from her students. We felt like we had to try it, since they had put so much time into making it, even if we didn't want it. A lot of the time it wasn't very good. My family are all a bit germaphobic too. Even if the student that made it was a nice, well off, clean kid, it was still uncomfortable. Everybody has different tastes and feeling like you have to eat someone else's food because it was a present isn't good. A lot of the time things just got thrown away. So, if you want to include some sort of snack, buy it from a store. That should take care of everything.

My advice to you is just to write the letter and maybe include some chocolate with it. Words of gratitude that he can hold onto forever will be the best present he ever got. Good luck! :)

I'm a 19 year old girl.

I'm going to see The Phantom of the Opera on Saturday, and I'm really excited!

Thing is, I have no idea what to wear. I've been to the theatre before, but never to a more formal show like this... to give you an idea, I've seen Mamma Mia, Da Kink In My Hair, and Beauty and the Beast.

I have two different outfits that I could use;

1: Dress pants, nice tank top, 3/4 length heavy cotton jacket (kind of dressy)

OR

2: Black halter chiffon dress, knee length, with black shoulder scarf

If it helps at all, my boyfriend's wearing a black suit with a white shirt.

Thanks for your help!

Either would definitely be okay. There are people that just put on nice clothes and there are other people that go all out and dress up like crazy. Your boyfriend, since he's wearing a suit, is dressing up like crazy. Since you'll be with him, wear the dress so it doesn't look like he put a lot of effort into it and you didn't. Theater goers can be kind of prissy and they'll care about stuff like that. It's not like anybody will say anything, but you may get a few weird looks. Plus, yeah, you'll look really great together. :)

Okay, my friend is getting married, so a few of us decided that we would but her a vibrator as a gag gift. We've been looking around the place and the cheapest one we can find is one for 49.00, but we don't wanna spend that much. Does anyone know where we can get a cheap vibrator?

Try finding an adult store in your area. They usually have really cheap ones. I helped purchase one for a joke once and if I remember correctly, it was only about $20. You may not be able to find anything cheap online. Good luck!

This may help (it's a news article)
http://sexuality.about.com/od/sextoys/a/buy_vibrators.htm

16/F/TN

I messed around with a girl's myspace. Meaning, I moved her top friends around and posted a picture of her ex on her "who I'd like to meet" section. I didn't change her password or anything. When she changed it back to how she had it, I'd change it to how I had it. I did this for less than a week. I never posted anything degrading. She put on her about me "F*** you, [insert my name], I don't care that you change around my top 8. Grow up.

So, she decided to press charges WITH THE POLICE against me (she went to the school police officer). I haven't been notified of her doing this yet, I've just heard. Anyways, is could there be a legitamite charge pressed against me? And if so, what would be the process of this happening? I have a clean record.

I KNOW none of you are lawyers, I'm just asking if anyone knows.

Haha yeah that's a load of crap. They can't touch you. I hate it when people act all high and mighty like that. Ah well. I'm glad everything worked out though. :)

Well, wouldn't she have had to give you her password? If she gave you the password, it's her own fault and she's gonna look really stupid to the police. There is absolutely nothing she can charge you with if that was the case. The police(???), goodness, way to totally overreact huh? Anyway, if you actually hacked into her account or changed something while she wasn't looking, you did do something wrong, but like it was said earlier, the police aren't going to give a crap. They're going to make sure you weren't sexually harassing her or anything and may make you apologize to her, but that'll be about it. They may not even look into it at all. What do they care about myspace or any other teenybopper fad? The only think I think she could really do would be to get your myspace account deleted by filing a complaint with the website, but she's probably not even thinking about that. You'll be just fine. Good luck though. :)

I know this is a kind of personal question, but I've always kind of wondered what girls think when a guy gets a hard-on dancing with them. So basically, I only want girls to answer this question. Do you like it? Does it freak you out? Is it more of a compliment or is it offensive? Basically, just tell me what you think about when you feel a guy get hard when he's grinding with you, etc. thanks.

I love it. It makes me feel really sexy and I'm not that great of a dancer, so it gives me a lot of confidence that I'm actually dancing well! It's definitely a compliment. Younger girls, age 13-15 have a smaller chance of liking it because they might not understand it or it may make them feel uncomfortable because it's entirely new to them, but, it all depends on the person. I liked it even without any of the understanding or experience. Only a small part of the female population will think it's gross. And that's just ignorant. All I knew was that he was turned on and that was a great feeling for me. I didn't even know the guy. So, it's really only loosely based on age. You may find a 12 year old that loves it, but then turn around and there's a 25 year old that hates it. Remember too, even if someone does freak out, that doesn't mean they didn't like it. They may be freaking out because they did like it. Girls are silly. They overthink things. If they feel you get a boner they might think "oh my gosh do I have to date him now!!! Does he want me just for my body?? Does he wanna have sex?? What am I supposed to do??" etc. etc. etc. etc. Ridiculous huh? Anyway, if it happens to you and the girl runs away or otherwise reacts badly to it, don't take it personally and don't get embarassed. I'm sure she was just as turned on as you and she is definitely ignoring that part of it. I mean, if she's dancing with you, she obviously likes you at least a little. :)

Hi, I rubbbed my bare vagina on my boyfriends penis while we were makin out orally. He was wearin his pants but he said he's havin pre-come... Do you think i'll get pregnant?

Definitely not. Sperm aren't going to travel through his pants, into your vagina, and all the way up. It's hard enough for them to make it when they start all the way up your vagina already. The chances of you getting pregnant, unless by some huge freak of nature, are about 0% if his penis didn't even come out of his pants. It's just about the same chance that you would get pregnant from a toilet seat. Not gonna happen. Good luck!

PS Next time, if you're not sure, don't do something if you think it could be dangerous. Doing it anyway despite the risks you think that there might be is going to get you pregnant in the future. Next time, you might do something that could get you pregnant and have no idea until afterwards. Maybe not this time, but please don't think that it's not gonna happen to you. It will. Sex is something you need to be very, very careful about.

I HATE my parents and I want to move out SO badly like if I don't I swear to god I'm going to murder my mom thats how bad she is.I have no family in my area that I can stay with but my friend(boyfriend) said I can move in with him for a while to let things cool down...is it legal for me to do that ? (Kitchener Ontario Canada)

[Ps.I'm 13/female]

Staying with your boyfriend probably isn't the best of ideas. If you're having problems with your parents won't that just inflame the situation? Yes, it's always nice to hang around your boyfriend all the time, but think about the long term effects that something like that could have on your relationship with your parents. That's the issue at hand here. Staying with a female friend would be a much better choice. I moved out on my parents a few years ago and it wasn't quite as bad as it could have been because I stayed with a female friend instead of my boyfriend. If I had stayed with my boyfriend, they would have done everything in their power to get me away from him. The idea wasn't to move in with my boyfriend, it was to get away from my parents. Do it to get away from your parents, don't throw in extras or your parents won't let it happen. Since you are a minor, if your parents really want you living back with them, they can come and get you, probably with the police. I'm not very familiar with Canadian law, but I would imagine that is how it would work. Most of the time though, and probably what will happen is, just as long as your parents know where you are and know you're safe they'll just let you stay there for awhile. If things are as bad as you're implying they probably want a break from you too. Another thing I'd like to point out is that whoever you stay with is going to have a lot of pressure put on them. Not the friend you stay with, their parents. They are the ones that are going to have to take all the heat from your parents. Make sure that they are 100% okay with you staying there and know how bad the situation is and what they might have to deal with. One last thing. Don't swear to God that you're going to kill your mother if you're not. That's not something you should really say. I'm not a religious nut, but there's a big difference from saying something out loud the wrong way and not meaning it than actually putting it in writing. If your mom didn't care about you, she wouldn't pay any attention to you at all. Making you feel like crap isn't the best way of showing love, but hey, she really does care no matter how much it seems like she doesn't. Anyway, please reconsider staying with your boyfriend. You're making even more grief for yourself if you do. Good luck! :)

Hi, ive had my retainer off braces off for about 3 years and have been wearing a retainer since. like 2 years ago my orthodontist told me i could wear my retainer at night only and have been doing so. one time during the 3 years of wearing my retainer i forgot my retainer at home for a week when i went on vacation, nothing happened when i put it back on. now, i forgot it again when going on vacation for a week, but for some reason im seeing a slight gap ~.5mm wide forming in between my two front teeth...how much are my teeth going to move, should i be concerned, if i put my retainer back on when i get back will it be ok?

Your teeth won't move so much that your retainer won't be able to fix them when you get it back, but it might hurt quite a bit when you first put it in. It may not even go on all the way at first. So, you'll be okay and any damage will be correctable, but if you're not good with pain, try to get your retainer sent to you or something. Good luck! :)

I'm planning on having sex for the first time very soon.I am very hairy "down there" so should I shave ? I have shaved it before but it was really irratated and pinchy and itchy. What should I do ? Also I don't wanna be hairy like that.HELP !!!

Don't shave. You're right, it will probably be really irritated, red, and itchy. If you're concerned with how much hair you have, just trim the bulk of it off. That should do the trick. Good luck! :)

PS Make sure you use protection! You may want to bring some just in case if you're not 100% sure your partner will provide it.

So I've picked names out and I've liked them forever, and I've wanted to name my kids these names.
But my family doesn't like them.

so here we go-
(boys)
Tobias
Pilot
Asha or Sasha
Lucas
&
Gavin

Aw, Tobias is such a cute name! Asha and Sasha are kind of girly, but definitely acceptable. Lucas and Gavin are great. The only one that your future son might not be too pleased with would be Pilot. He'd prolly be the root of a few too many jokes. Try not to name your kids after occupations. Pilot can also mean "a preliminary or experimental trial or test", you know, like a TV show pilot? You don't really want your son to be seen as an experiment or test haha. Anyway, if you're really set on that name, well there are much worse things you could name him and it's definitely a creative, original, cool name. :)

Keep in mind that the father of these children might have a name he'd like to use too!

My hair is natrualy curly.
My hair isn't the curly you might think though.

Okay, This pic is 2 years old. Haha.
http://s75.photobucket.com/albums/i318/photosbyjackie/Jackie/?action=view¤t=Picture006.jpg

But, thats what my curly hair is like.
I HATE IT.
I want curly hair like this.
http://photobucket.com/mediadetail/?media=http%3A%2F%2Fi57.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg216%2FPoppinMyHumps%2FHPIM1924.jpg&searchTerm=curly%20hair&pageOffset=5

*I know my hair isn't that long though"

How can i do this?
This is me when I straighten my hair
http://a989.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/29/l_8f37f5ba628f444d636c51fcbac6b66c.jpg

Thanks so much.

I'm sure there's products out there that might help and you can spend hours every morning making it look a certain way, but lucky for you my hair is just like yours and I think I have an easier answer for you. Ready for the trick? Let it grow! I used to keep my hair short like yours is in the picture and I hated how puffy and tangled it looked all the time. I never tried growing it out because I figured that it would just make it worse. Boy was I wrong. Think of it this way...more hair means more weight. If the hair closer to your head is weighed down, it won't be as curly and you'll have nice curls on the bottom where it's lighter. I love my hair so much now. It's really long and really beautiful. I don't have to do anything to it and it looks amazing all day. Good luck! :)

Great color by the way!

Well, I'm a klutz. I whacked myself in the head pretty hard with a piece of exercise equipment. I've got a nice bump and a big bruise on my head now. Nothing a little makeup can't fix.

My problem is, how will I know if I have a concussion or not? I walk into things and fall over for no reason already, and I have almost daily chronic migranes (I've been diagnosed by a doctor AND the balance issues are related to the headaches).

So, how will I (or a doctor, for that matter) know if I've suffered a concussion?

thanks in advance.

Go see a doctor as soon as possible. Don't go to sleep until you do. It can be dangerous if you do have a concussion. Even if you don't have an actual concussion, you at least suffered some pretty bad head trauma and need to be seen by a doctor right away. The biggest sign of a concussion is that you will be slightly cross-eyed. Even if you don't notice that symptom though, go see a doctor! It's especially important if you have headache and balance problems already. Good luck!!!

okay well today at school i was crying because in 4th period a boy made a comment about my mom and was talking shit about her an he knows shes dead!well when the teacher was talking to us in front of the class i dont no why but i just started to cry and this one boy mike who i went out with like two years ago for only a week well since then i have only datted one guy for a while,while he has dated about two or three girls.Well i still have feelings for him.Well right now he is currently taken by a girl and im not well when i was crying in 4th period and the bell rang i just didnt get up and everyone left and mike said come on sarah its okay so i also have 5th period with him well when i was sitting in my desk i just had tears like running down my face and he was like lip talking to me(where they talk with there lips and not with there voice)and he said plz stop cryng and i said why and he said because i hate seeing you like that.well then he asked me if i like him(but he always asks girls that)i said yes and i said only a little bit he said you no you like me a lot and i said yea i do like you alot.~but hes never really nice to me when he has a girlfriend hes always mean but he was nice to me today!

so what do you think........
i need your opinion

Well he genuinely cares about you that's for sure. He may like you too, but honestly, that means nothing. Lots of people like other people, but that doesn't mean anything will happen between them. Plus, what you described could just be the doings of a nice guy and nothing more. You were crying. It's not like you were sitting there happy as can be and he came up to you. Since he cares about you, at least as a friend, he was brave enough to approach you and make sure that you were okay. He didn't want you to just sit there and feel bad with nobody trying to comfort you. Don't look too deeply into this. It doesn't really mean anything other than that he's really sweet. He has a girlfriend and since he seems like such a nice guy, he probably isn't going to want to end things with her. Don't get your hopes up about him. You two tried it once and it didn't work. The chances of it happening again, not to mention working again, are small. I think you have a good friend in him though. He's probably just mean to you when he's around his girlfriend because she's the jealous type and she wouldn't be able to handle it if he was his normal sweet self to you. See if you can get a friendship out of him. He'd be an amazing friend. :)

The guy that was making all those unnecessary comments should not go unpunished. He was way out of line. I think that you should talk to someone at your school like the principal or guidance counselor and see if someone would talk to him about what he did. He wouldn't necessarily be in trouble, but he'd at least get a little sensitivity training and hopefully never do what he did to you again. My guess is that he was just trying to be funny or cool and didn't mean to hurt you as badly as he did. Even so he's definitely not worth your time. Try not to let him bother you.

Good luck.

i hate my job with a passion. Like i seriously get depressed thinking about going to work. I get yelled at all the time, i work ith none of my friends, everyone i work with is so annoyingly bossy and takes there job TOOOO seriously. I like the job because its the only one that will revolve around my schedule plus i make about 35 bucks a night on tips and 6 bucks an hour ontop of that so im making about 60 bucks a night for 5 hours work. What would you do? would you quit? Would you try harder? PLUS i always get yelled at cuz everyone thinks i suck..

There's no harm in doing a little job searching to see if you can find something else that fits your schedule and get you a comparable amount of money. All you can do in your current position is either quit if it gets to be too much, or just stay there and do nothing at all. People are stupid and they're not gonna change. You don't have to get angry or upset at them, just brush everything off. If they yell at you, hey, you know you're doing a great job and guess what? You're still getting paid so it's not like their words can affect you unless you let them hurt you emotionally. If you really sucked as bad as they seem to think, you would have been fired by now. I really think you should look for a new job. You're in such an awful situation. You don't have to quit this one to look. Just be careful though. If people at your current job find out you're searching for a new one they may be even less pleasant to you. Good luck!

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