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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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I’m an 19 year old female dating a 21 year old male. For the sake of the site, we can refer to him as T. T and i have been together for 8 months. He treats me perfectly but become extremely uncomfortable in situations that have to do with his phone. He hides his phone at night from me and refuses to show me. I know this is bad but i’ve found his phone and looked through it while he was sleeping and didn’t find much. He constantly is reassuring me how much he loves me but he always gets so uncomfortable, secretive, protective etc if i ever bring up his phone. The only thing i found on his phone was brief snapchat’s of him asking for photos from a female who lives out of the city. When i somewhat hinted towards it he denied it. when i checked his phone he had deleted her off snapchat. He also has a really good friend (we’ll call her C) who he’s been best friends with for years. They message everyday and always try to make plans to hang out. I found out recently that they’ve had a sexual past. I know this is all over the place but i don’t know exactly what to ask. am i worried for no reason? and how should i bring up the things in his phone without telling him i went through it? is it bad to go through s/o phone?

I can't say whether he is truly hiding something or just a very private person who doesn't say much.

What I can say is if a female doubts that a guy is 100% only into her, it is more often than not one of the following: She doesn't trust him no matter how great a guy he is or He is not behaving consistantly in a way that has proven to her that he only has eyes for her. Note I did not write that he says this all the time, its the behavior you are looking for.
All I can add is that if you are looking for a guy who at 21, is ready to decide to focus on you only for the rest of his life, instead of keeping looking for the right partner, he may not be ready yet. Lots of guys aren't until their mid to late twenties at the earliest. How much do you know about 'C' from stories he's told you. Everyone has a past and for some of us, those are sexual pasts. That doesnt mean we go back to those people, if we are always looking for someone a step or more better than the last. I have an ex and so does my husband. I even had one of his ex girlfriends become a Facebook friend. I never have to ask or question anything, he is quick to tell me stories, how they met, how long they dated, how old he and she were at the time, etc... I know it all.

So it may be that you require a man who doesn't act secretive, who is too quiet or doesn't share things with you, hides things from you. Yes, those sound like actions of someone hiding something. But even if that wasn't true at all, the fact remains, is that if he is always like this and will be for the rest of his life, you will never be able to get to a spot where you trust him 100%. and so I am suggesting that there is a good chance that you might be with the wrong guy. Yes, even if he is not guilty of anything, the way he is and conducts himself around you is not what you are looking for and what you need. If so, he is defintiely not Mr. Right for you. I went through this after my divorce, learning how to find Mr. Right, not wait for a guy to ask me out but me doing the choosing and picking.

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So me and this guy have been messaging for a while now. We’ve gone out a few times, but it’s been as a double date every time. I’m not complaining though, I really enjoy it. He seems to be crazy about me, but kind of...I don’t know...inexperienced? I really like hanging out with him. He’s fun to be around and a really good guy. I just don’t get attached to people because I trained myself not to a long time ago when I went through betrayal. I guess I just want to be able to feel something. I don’t catch feelings so I don’t want to end things over that. I guess I wish he was more flirty? I find it fun if it’s done between two people who like each other. I feel like I’m the one to do stuff like this and I wish he would too because it makes me feel like I’m the one taking charge. He seems to like me way more than I like him and I don’t know...I feel kinda bad. Is there a way I can drop hints or something? Maybe have it brought up with the girl we double date with? I don’t know how to go about it, but I’d feel weird to straight up tell him...

Okay, if I understand you correctly, you've texted, gone out a few times, and in all that time, you've found you don't have any romantic feelings or sexual attraction to him. Yet for some odd reason you want him to flirt, even if you have no such feelings?
Hon, that just doesn't make sense. To ask or have someone else ask him to flirt, even if its not natural to him, just him hearing this would convey the message that you want him to do so because you are very into him, romantically. Why would you want to get his hopes up. For that matter, why are you still seeing him? I do understand that in some cases, the opposite sex can be just friends if both truly do not have romantic feelings for each other. The friendship is what keeps them in each others lives. The only difference then in a romantic relationship is that besides the friendship, there is the added benefit of both having romantic feelings and attraction to the other. You need to decide first if that is the case with him or not. No hinting but coming out and saying what you do feel, no romantic feelings but you love him just as a friend.
A guy who is just a friend, wouldn't be flirting with you anyways.
Just remember that one of the traits you are looking for in a romantic partner is him being flirty. Look for other traits more than just that one thing as you search for your long term partner or life long mate. I don't know the circumstances of your previous betrayal but if you don't learn from it you will bring that baggage to any future relationships and maybe look for things as proof that the next guy is better but you could be looking at things for proof that are not true solid proof you could bet your life on. If looking for flirting as a sign a man will be devoted only to you, you have a lot to learn, same as me when I married at 20 and had no clue at all about relationships. So if theres anything else you are not sure about concerning relationships, even knowing how to find Mr. Right, I can help, you have but to ask. However it must be in a new question, directed to me from my column which you can find by the Search for Columnists at the left. When you see Dragonflymagic, thats me.

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So, my boyfriend and I entered a local bar
The bartender threw her arms around my boyfriend and thanked her for staying with her til closing time
due to an unruly customer
My boyfriend claimed he didn’t remember this
After we were seated at the bar, she approached us and started telling her story again
I ignored her, my boyfriend tugged on my sleeve to get attention. I told the bartender that I didn’t come there to talk with her She apologized and walked away.
My boyfriend continues to tell me he didn’t remember
This whole incident makes me insecure
Any advice on how to get a better perspective on this?
Thank you

The issue is not about him remembering but the actual facts. Instead of asking if he remembers that happening, Does he even go to that bar as his usual haunt? Find out from the bartender what day that was. If she doesn't know. Drop it. There is nothing to check. If she mentions a day, later you could ask if he went to the bar on that date. If he didn't, or doesn't remember what he was doing that day, drop it, as you don't have any thing on it.
She could very well have confused him for someone who looks similar. Heck, I did that once, grabbing the arm of a man at a store whom I saw in profile, who attended my church, to say Hi to him and when he turned, I was stunned how similar he looked but there were a few slight differences. I felt humiliated and said sorry. A bar is typically darker in lighting so this is very possible.

How well do you know the female bartender and how she acts around people? If she is normally a very friendly, touchy feely person who hugs others easily or even just the pat on the arm/shoulder, that would describe me, and I am not making any sexual advances on anyone, and no one has assumed I was.
Your boyfriend may not be cheating on you if this is what you think but males can tend to panic even if not guilty, simply to how their gf is reacting emotionally and just blurt out something in panic like the 'I don't remember'.

I would think if he doesn't stay til closing time habitually, then he should be able to remember staying til closing time. If he did stay late, and he was enjoying the conversation, he may not have realized there was an unruly customer around that she was afraid of and she may have mistakenly believed he stayed to make her feel more secure.

There are too many things that can not be proven.
So now I wonder why you feel so insecure. Usually, it depends on what your guy is like if you do not have total trust in him. If the relationship is weeks old, you havn't had time to build trust or even see inconsiste Incies. I am remarried a 2nd time and this time I knew what I was looking for,
a man I believe and trust, not because of what he says, but because over time I see by his behavior that he is consistently proving that he is what he says he is.
He does not act secretively, and shares more details with me. Here is how it would look when I trust him and he is forthcoming with information. So lets say he went to a bar with a buddy who left earlier than him. A drunk customer started harassing the barkeep and my hubby, being who he is, always considerate to females, would realize she felt uncomfortable. I know already he would say something to her about if she wanted to ssk the customer to leave right now, that he would make sure the person did, oe call the cops if the man swung at him. If she didn't want to ask the person to leave, he would have stayed simply so she would be comfortable. When he got home, he'd tell me the whole story of what occurred, saying likely that he was just waiting for the unruly person to step out of place with him so he could call the police. He is like this, helpful to females, but I come first. Since I wasn't there, I'd probably ask him what they talked about all that time and he'd mention a few topics. This is all normal to me and I would have no reason to suspect he was hitting on her or her on him. In fact, he is a cashier and the store is near old folks apts so he has lots of women older than him flirting and hitting on him so he politely turns them down and tells them he is married and happy. We live out of a van by choice and are always together except for when he works and I am there when he gets off work, with our home on wheels. Not only is there no time for him to hang out with someone that I wouldn't know about, he always runs things past me because it affects both our schedules. One legally blind women spoke to him at his last job about how worried she was about apt inspection for section 8 housing and how she couldn't really clean and needed someone to help her and she'd pay. Asked if he knew of someone. He told me about it, no secrets, she needed help, he went to look at her place which was a disaster. So he went to clean. After that, she asked him to uber her to groceries and such and paid. She could hardly wait to meet me. There were no secrets and lots of info was always available to me.

You can't accuse him of anything just over this once incident. Look for inconsistenicies in the future...other situations in which he has nothing to share, no stories to tell when you ask. Men can be short on stories and very cryptive and so is he at times but if I let him know I need more explanation, he is happy to give it. He also knows I will not react like a jealous female or start trying to look for him to slip up. Your boyfrienddd may never have been the one she thinks he is, or he may be afriad to tell you the whole story and truth for fear you might not believe him. So its safer to blurt out he doesnt remember. If you watch yourself closely, and truly mean it when you tell him you are not concerned or jealous, just curious to hear details of the event, then he may feel lots more comfortable if over time, you prove you do not react emotionally to something innocent.

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Hi, I am Iranian Muslim and I'm 20 year's old.
One of my cousins live in London and he is a British-Iranian person & he is a Muslim too.
He is 21 years old. He is studying Medicine in Oxford Uni.
Every year, they will come to Iran once to visit their family. Both of us have religious families.
My cousin is really cute & I'm really interested to look at his penis and testicle.
I want to make him naked and want to ask him to show me his penis & let me touch his testicle.
Also, I want to ask him to touch my penis and have sex with me.
But in Islam and Iran, it's really forbidden. In Islam, we can't see the penis of male and body of females and in Iran, it is a crime and judges will execution who did it(who put his penis into another person's ass).
In other hand, if our families know this or my cousin says to them I'll be in a really bad situation.
Some days later they'll come to Iran from the UK and my cousin will stay with my family for some days.

How can I make him naked?
How should I ask him my requests?
How can I satisfy him?
Please get me some tips and show me some ways!!

I do know that in many places in the world, being gay means execution. So the best you can do since you are of age to engage in sex, it is best if you leave your country and go somewhere where it is okay to be gay which means same sex couples.

I know there is much misconception or beliefs on this but if we just look to animals, there have been males going after males for centuries, as long as there has been documentation and records. Sheep farmers for example, when noting that a Ram is not once, but always going after another Ram to mate, that will not increase his flock, so he will choose to sell that Ram for meat because it is of no use for breeding. Thankfully, it is different for humans in that we aren't killed for meat. Yes, in some places humans are killed, but there are places in the world where it is understood that this is not a choice but how one is born and you can't change that, only pretend you are not like that. It is one of those things of nature, that there will always be some like this. Just because they are not the majority, does not make them wrong or sinful. I would suggest you also leave your Muslim beliefs. Even if lets say you lived in the U.S. the Muslim community here would harass you and who knows to what extent they might go if they found out.

Just because you feel sexually attracted to a person doesn't guarantee they will be attracted back, no matter if family, male, female, a different age from you, this is a fact of life.

In case he is not gay and horrified at what you tell him, it is best not to say anything as telling anyone, even him could mean your death. So you can't talk to him or worry on how to request this, or even go to the stage of wondering how to please another male. You either change where you live and leave your faith, or never have sex in your life with a male and never marry a woman
or tell one or two people and risk death. The choice is yours.

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Awhile back, I bought a package of white boys briefs on a whim. I dunno, I guess I was just curious to see how wearing them would feel. I found them to be really comfortable. I actually prefer them to panties and now they are all I want to wear.

My parents don't approve. They keep asking if I'm struggling with my sexuality or something. Grrr....it's ridiculous how uptight they're being over this. I mean, it's just underwear for Pete's sake!

I also bought them with my own money. I started working at my first ever job shortly after I turned sixteen four months ago. I bought the first package of briefs while out splurging after getting my first paycheck. They've always said I'm allowed to spend my own money however I like, so it feels kinda hypocritical for them to be acting this way.

What do you think? Is a girl wearing boys underwear really that big of a deal?

No, its not a big deal. Although I have not heard of a female admitting to prefering males underwear, only of males liking females underwear because of the texture, the silky feeling against the skin.

If you were my daughter and wearing briefs, I would naturally ask about your gender id or sexual orientation, in my case, not to condemn it but to let you know it is okay to admit it. This would be the behavior of a Transgender person, but not on just one thing, you'd have been attracted to boys toys and clothing from preschool age already and insist that you are a boy regardless of what your body shows. If this is the only thing you are drawn to, for comfort reasons, then you are not transgender. I will mention that there are boy cut cotton panties for females, so if you haven't tried them yet, theres always that to check out.

Your parents may not have studied enough of this kind of thing, meaning LGBTQ stuff to really know that they have nothing to worry about. So if it gets to be too big a deal for them, just save and show them my answer. Of course, thats just my opinion in an answer. They can always go listen to TED talks on transgender or look for you tube videos, or other info on the web if they don't want to just believe me.

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I'm 17/f. My crush is a 12 year old boy who lives on my street. I know I shouldn't have feelings for someone so much younger than me and I don't know where they're coming from. I know he has a crush on me too. He flirts with me sometime. Recently, I've begun flirting back. I'm scared that I might do something I'll regret. I'm scared that I might be a pedophile or something. This isn't the first time I've had a crush on a guy who was way younger than me. I think I need help, but I'm scared to tell anyone for obvious reasons. What the f*ck should I do??

A crush is just in the mind, there are no actions behind it. Your feelings are your own.
I would guess that perhaps the younger boys haven't starting acting in ways you do not like from those males your age. But that is just a guess.

What I can say is normal for your age and younger, is that females tend to notice traits they like in a guy and that male can be any where from younger than them to grandpa age and beyond. This doesn't mean you plan to have a relationship with them or even sex. Females need to form an idea of what they like in a male and that takes place over time. When I was in youth group, there was an elderly man who was an usher. He had aged well and was still a fox. I must say I hoped whomever I chose one day would age well. But I also liked how personable and friendly he was. I knew then I would want to marry a guy who was just as friendly and helpful to all people.


You said a crush, nothing about sexual attraction to. Here's Merriam Websters dictionary meaning of pedophilia:


sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object specifically : a psychiatric disorder in which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a prepubescent child

So as Long as you are not having thoughts of committing sexual acts with a child, you are okay.

At his age, he is going into puberty and will be noticing females. He will also be crushing and so it is normal that he flirts.

One last thing, in both adult males and females, they can be interested in someone younger than them or way older than them. My husband is one such person. He remembers from puberty on, being attracted to older females, always, without exception. He did not have to chase females, the older ones came to him, hitting on him. But remember, I said Adults. To act upon having sex, it would have to be both being adults. So if a person will have the tendency to be interested in someone older or younger as adults, it would likely show up already at puberty. It may also just be the one person there is attraction to, but if a person is wired that way, they don't want children but at some point when the younger one is an adult at 18 or being older, it doesn't matter how much older the female is. The five years may matter now. But a couple I knew when I got married, were 5 years apart and he was mid twenties and her turning thirty when they married.

I know this may not be the case but I felt it wsa important to mention just in case.

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I’m 30 years old and with a guy almost for a year and a half, whose really a good guy with all the qualities that every girl ever wants, he treats me right, thoughtful, caring and wants my best, but i have my doubts not because of him, because of my ex that I’ve dated almost 5 months but still didn’t have the closure, because we parted in a terms that i didn’t understand a thing why we broke up, what were the reasons i still have alot of questions in my mind that keep eating me alive... it’s been 4 years we broke up and didn’t see each other since then, so recently i have this thought that i should talk to him to have the closure and move on with my life, but another thought is coming to me that i should just keep it in the past but im not getting that right.. so what should i do?? Should i talk to him even he’s engaged now,, he tried to contact me last month but because my boyfriend was near me i had to not return his call ..

Perhaps you are thinking there is something he and you both did wrong that caused the breakup. If there was something he did wrong to you, you'd be aware of it. So your question really is, what did I do wrong?
Obviously I don't know the circumstances of what occured to cause the break up. If he simply said, hey it's not working, or I want out, there is a good chance he saw something wrong, but not something you did, something he had and you have that did not match. I am talking about chemistry. There can be enough chemistry on both sides to get together but if its not enough to give a relationship the utmost possibility of lasting forever, then eventually it will break up. Pheromones are something we produce, and so do all mammals. IT is how animals find a mate, by following the scent. We as humans have a receptor that takes in this odor but can't smell it or know it is happening other than one person is desireable and the other gives you a creepy feeling is the pheromones or chemistry is lacking. This is more often than not, one of the major reassons a relationship doesn't even start or last. Lets say a 1 is no matching pheromones and a 2 is some matching pheromones and 3 is a perfectly alike pheromones. Those feeling a 1 will feel like a romantic kiss was just received from a parent, sister or brother, just yucky, because there is no match. 2. There is some chemistry here, enough for couples to get together but not enough to stay together. and 3. is feeling desire, want, the scent of, personal body odor is not going to gag you and is actually kind of nice. (I've told my hubby his sweat smells very close to lemon-pepper seasoning) and I love that scent. Sometimes, both people feel the chemistry, and sometimes only one does and the other doesn't. It could be you felt chemistry with him but he did not feel any with you. Obviously he does with his fiancee or he wouldn't be marrying her.
This is all you have to know to have closure, It is most likely not that he or you were bad people, just not the right people for each other. So just know that there is no wondering left to do, stop thinking about it because the two of you did not have matching chemistry. If you both had felt it, then he would be marrying you, not have looked for someone else. I did not have chemistry with my first husband, just a very little that wore off quickly as the years went by. I stayed too long but eventually left him and am happier now because I have someone with whom we both feel perfect chemistry. So do not talk to him and mess things up maybe for his fiancee who might be a jealous type. I met a lot of great guys like what you mention, when I went on the internet to find my second husband but we lacked chemistry. Most did not realize there was such a thing but a couple did. One guy met me at the waiting area of a restaurant and as we were seated, we both looked across at each other and said the same thing, "ITs not going to work, is it?" We both felt a lack of chemistry once in person and we didn't have to kiss to make sure. If one person is doing the looking for someone and the other waiting to be asked out, then it can happen that the one waiting to be asked out, since not proactive in doing any choosing on their own, are just happy that someone is interested in them and find that whatever chemistry or even lack of it, its good enough for them. The other who did the asking, most likely is seriously not just wanting someone to date for fun but a life long commitment so they want to get it right and won't settle for less. That doesn't mean you are choosing to settle for less, you may just not know that there is something better as far as chemistry goes. If what you had was good, then hopefully the one you're with now, is not the same but even better chemistry wise. If you are not sure if you are settling for less with any guy, then you need help knowing yourself first, your needs, wants, and how to then find Mr. Right. He will be someone who really isn't just a nice great guy but is almost like tailor made for you. If you need help ever with that so you can be sure you are not repeating not knowing enough to determine if a guy is really someone you could be with the rest of your life and he with you, then ask me to send you instructions on how to find Mr. Right but go first to my column and write to me from there, and look for me, Dragonflymagic at the left under Search Advice Columnists

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My friend has been depressed ever since she was dumped,how do I cheer her up?

Most of what I will list are things she has to be willing to do herself to get over her depression. But you can help, especially with 'hug therapy'.

All about Depression and what to do about it

Depression isn't something to fear or shy away from acknowledging and taking care of. It is nothing more than the indicator on your cars dashboard saying oil levels are low. So what exactly are people low on when they begin to feel depressed and anxious? Here's an article that explains it all without my having to type it out for you.

http://www.integrativepsychiatry.net/neurotransmitter.html

Yes, there is something you can do that will instantly jump start your body into creating more NT's and feel good hormones. I came across a article in a blog once on the internet that explains it well. When one of my daughters got depressed after a 2nd boyfriend broke up with her, it was real bad this time and she was unable to bounce back. I told her what to do but hey, it's just mom, what does Mom know, right? So through her job, she went for her one free visit to a psychologist who told her everything she could do herself since she would be unable to come in for sessions, and the list he gave her is exactly what I once came across and told her about.

It's going to sound crazy, really silly and not believable but you're not going to get results if you don't trust me enough to give it a real good effort, cus what have you got to lose, as silly as it makes you feel.

1. Find reasons to laugh. Laughter is good medicine for a reason. It helps raise these low levels. So watch your favorite comedies, get on the net and find comedy acts to watch. Talking about the hard belly ache laughter here.

2. Listen to uplifting music. I can't say what is uplifting to you but it's going to be something you've always felt when hearing a certain melody, its not the lyrics that count, its the sound. What you're looking for is listening to the songs that make your heart feel light as a balloon as if it were about to float out of your chest. A melody that does it for me is "Clocks" by Coldplay. I have a small collection of songs I play and sing along to whenever I begin to feel a stressed feeling coming on, which warns me my levels are too low.

3. This brings me to the next point--singing. Singing helps to raise those NTs and hormones. So don't just listen to music, sing along.

4. Movement...action is important. Think of how many people you've heard of who lack energy, want to stay in bed all day and do nothing when severely depressed. Doing nothing will only keep a person stuck so doing the opposite, movement will help. It is suggested that a person walk, jog, do exercise or a more fun version of movement, dancing. So just move to the music. There's that music again. Its all tied together as you can see. I have tried skipping, like a little kid would do. Hadn't done it since I was a kid. Imagine a woman in her 50's skipping down the street. I felt silly but as I continued, I began to laugh hilariously at myself and I felt the stress just melt off instantly.

5. Give hugs and get hugs. Have you heard of hugging therapy? Bet you haven't. But in recent years it is becoming more popular. A true prolonged bear hug with another person is much needed to help keep the levels up. One hug per day won't do. It is suggested that around 8 per day will help. So...give a hug and you automatically recieve one. No quick hugs. Hug and go way past the point it feels weird or uncomfortable because thats the point at which I have felt that same feeling as I get with song therapy.

* The first five are things that will have the quickest effects. Here are more

6. Meditate. This means you're taking time to let your mind relax, not focus on your problems or tasks to be done. This takes some practice to do well and learn how to stop your subconscious mind from just constantly wandering off to dwell on things that rob you of your peace.

7. Learn to forgive. Did you know that when you hold a grudge or hold on to your anger, you are
putting a huge energetic tax on your system? Think of it like picking up a heavy weight and having to carry it around with you all the time. As long as we focus on what was done to us from a negative viewpoint instead of finding the ability to forgive, we keep reliving the experiences as a victim rather than remembering them as an overcomer.

8. Being Grateful/Thankful. Gratitude is one of the highest states you can achieve. No matter what’s going on in your life, you can find something for which to be grateful. Even when something terrible has happened to you, chose to find the blessing or positive point in the situation. Such as: "I am grateful to the people who were challenging to me today because it gave me the
opportunity to grow." And it could be something simple as "I am grateful to have the warmest, coziest bathrobe in the world."

The last three tend to have something to do with our thoughts and our brain. If these 3 are not addressed in your life, then all the relief you find with the first 5 steps will be dropped down to lower levels again. So learning to work on the last three as becoming a part of who you are will help greatly.


You should now understand what it means when the NTs and hormones are at critically low levels for you to be able to function normally. If not, think of it like a car low on oil to lubricate the parts. You can make the engine freeze up and ruin it. The low levels in a cars oil could be due to an oil leak and a check up for the car would reveal that.
Its just the same for a human. To make a comparison, the oil leak would be like a medical issue contributing to the problem. Just as a cars oil will get used up in the daily functioning on the road, and need to be replaced regularly, so it is with us, we actually need daily if not every other day techniques used to raise our levels again as they get used up. Unfortunately this is not taught to humans at all at any point in their life. Depression is just the humans 'indicator light' saying that 'their oil' is low.

This will cure the situational depression. However, if she is feeling back to herself now but can't stop thinking about the person, it is important to learn how to stop thinking about whatever got you depressed in first place. If she has trouble with that after no longer feeling depressed, let me know as I have instructions on what to do to stop focusing thoughts too much on a thing or a person and again, it is quite easy to do but must be done consistently as al the stuff above.

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Invited to a Sip and Paint birthday party. Must pay $40.00 and bring your own wine/liquor. Is a gift expected or the right thing to do?

I have never heard of such a thing. It is something new everyone is doing or just something the friend with a birthday came up with. And as for painting, is it painting as in art, a canvas, or is it to be a group of people painting a room, the indoors or the outside of a house? You would have to ask the invitter to explain what the $40 is for. If the money is to cover the cost of materials, or paint and brushes etc. then I would think that the birthday gift is everyone volunteering their time plus money for paint. That is a unique twist on a birthday party. I have only heard of people moving who needed help with the move and asked friends, promising a pizza party afterwards with beer and pop that they cover the cost of and get the free help from friends. I believe if they are making it mandatory that you pay them $40. and its just painting art for fun, then they may be saying they don't want gifts other than the money. It may be the birthday person wants to pool together all the money to buy themselves one large expensive item. But again, the only way to know is to ask them. If it was me, I would be asking exacting what this party deal is and why the money, etc.

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Im bored and I want a bruise

Bruising yourself on purpose is not something that will make your boredom go away. I don't know if this is a new thing among young people but the fascination of looking at a bruise is only going to take up at the very most a minute or two and then you are back to feeling bored.

So it might be good to understand first what boredom is before you can choose things you know sound like they will help.
Boredom is a state your mind is in when it lacks anything that is stimulating, or can catch it's attention for long amounts of time. Also, too much of the same old same old, means that your mind also feels lack of anything of interest to stimulate it and make boredom go away because it becomes routine, something you know what to expect next, too predictable, etc.

I have had times when I am bored even with computer games I play. This is my mind asking me to give it something else to focus on for a while.

One thing you can do is try to find a new hobby. If what you try doesnt keep your interest, try something else and keep trying until you find a hobby that holds your interest. Many hobbies have clubs you can join, in person or online and learn more from others.
Another way to deal with boredom is to do volunteer work. This would be work but for no pay.
You don't have to have any special skills. I have seen youth who have volunteered at churches that serve community meals. This usually happens only once a week. IT is something I do in fact, every Tuesday. I can assure you, there is no boredom there. Other voluntary work could be visiting senior centers and just talking with lonely people, or help someone who is running a craft project for the seniors or just asking what you can do to help. I once saw on FB, a teen who volunteered to mow the lawns of elderly neighbors. You do as many as you wish, on different days or do several all on one day, and this is using their own mower. As for elderly neighbors, there is always something one can help them with that is now hard for them to do. Some of these ideas can be to earn money or just ask them to donate what they can. The elderly do not have lots of money. If you are good at computers and navigating them or tablets, the older generations are afraid to use and have no one to turn to for asking questions or to learn some basics from. This could be advertised and done for free or ask for donations again.

Another idea is to set one time short goals for yourself, like you will check out two books from library and read both of them, if you own a bike, decide to cycle around a lake if possible. I did that one summer and it was an all day thing, or your goal could be just about anything. I remember as a teen, along with a friend deciding one summer to set a goal of using badminton rackets and birdie without a net, just planning to hit the birdie back and forth 100 times before we would quit. The goal wasn't to win and the other person lose but both working together to make it happen.

Nature walks are fun if with a guide. There are events like this listed at your local library or coffee shops with the date and time to meet, usually no cost and you learn to identify by name the plants you find in parks and small forested areas in city. I especially found one on learning what wild plants are edible in your area, to be interesting. In my area, I learned pine needles contain vitamin C and can make a nice cup of tea. Also bushes used in public landscaping, but which grow best under pines, people still don't know have edible berries. As a teen, I remember picking blackberries, a whole coffee can full and knocking on doors to see who would buy them and had no trouble earning money that way, and it kept me busy and definitely not bored. Yeah, thats more about not being bored than making lots of money but a little money could be the benefit. If there is a dog park or beach in your area, you might look for a neighbor or two who have dogs they would like you to take out for walks. When I worked as a caregiver, I found that the apartment buildings where the older people lived was one where many residents had dogs but were not mobile enough or sprite enough to take their dog out for a walk. If none of what I have said to get you thinking about what you might want to do to keep busy with something new or different to you, then keep thinking. Otherwise, you will sit around like a bump on a log and be bored.

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My mom in-law has a longtime friend who has a late 20’s daughter. They visit and spoil my children and were otherwise annoying but harmless until the daughter started staying weekends at our home. She would call me to ask advice, complain about her mother (who she lives with and pays all the bills even though the girl works). I tried to be nice and play along until she said some things that disgusted me. I’d had enough. We have been trying to do some home improvements, and spend time as a family when we can so I told her that the overnights had to stop. I was firm, gave legitimate reasons, and wasn’t offensive. An it’s us, not you thing. Then some of my family came to stay with me for a couple days and this girl found out, blew a gasket, and tried to cause a rift between her mom and my in-law. I am irate that she did this and want to let her know (nicely) that what she did was unacceptable. She never sees her faults and only hears what she wants. She and her mom are coming to visit in August for the problem girls birthday and I don’t want to cause an issue between the moms, but also don’t see myself being nice to her. We all live together and they come to see my kids, honestly I don’t even want my kids around her. I don’t mind the mom, but she fights her daughters battles while complaining about her all the time, too. I worry that if I say something, she will cause more issues. But I want to set boundaries and tell her what she did was wrong. There is a ton more to this story/girl. She is problematic to say the least. She always plays the victim, acts entitled, expects too much, and has the personality of kale. What should I do? Cause I really want to lay into her but know that’s not going to help matters. I’m torn.

If I understand correctly, using names will help me get this clear. SO Mom in law is Betty, her friend is Tricia and the daughter Jody is a leech, leeching off her mom and anyone she can get away doing so with, meaning you guys. Betty and Tricia have been long time friends. By that phrase, I assume this is more than a couple years to even five years, but almost a lifetime. Betty should have been able to see that something wasn't quite right in the household of Tricia. She could make assumptions and guess, but the evidence is there in Jody. Something was off. My take is that Jody either has some kind of mental illness which if so, doesn't reflect on the Mom but Mom, Tricia had to have something off about her too, to not see her daughter's behavior as not normal and then seeking help from a mental health specialist. What other possibility do I come up with? Bad parenting. i will explain. I think if I spell this out, you and your spouse will begin to see that this is way more than just a problem that popped up recently with the events that you mentioned. So I am spelling it out so you can see that you did nothing wrong, the problem obviously started long before.

On bad parenting, when raising a child, you give the child responsibilities that it can handle depending on the age and most parents do not expect enough capability regarding their kids. I started as soon sa mine were in high chairs and toddling about. Example: if not wanting to finish a cracker, instead of dropping it to the floor, I taught them to come hand it to me to dispose of, instead of scattering the home with toys dropped all over, I made them pick up toys and drop them in their toy box. Usually kids like to be helpful and the occasions when they weren't, I explained this is something we do even when we don't feel like it, so I put my hand over theirs and forced them to appear as if they were holding the toy, although I was and walk them with the toy to the toy box. By time the child is in their teens they should be given some of the easier adult responsibilities in preparation for becoming an adult, not doing everything for them, buying them anything they want. This teaches them the world revolves around them and what they want. Mom or Dad don't oppose them so it's culture shock when they find other people don't jump to their whim and pleasure and do as they wish.
Bear with me, almost done with this train of thought. When one daughter was about 15, 16 she wanted an expensive brand of shoe for the new school year. So I took her shopping. We had a tight budget and only had so much money set aside to get her a pair of shoes. I said if they had a sale and we could get them for what we had in budet, she could have them. These were tennis shoes. Nope, the cost was more than I can swing alone. So I gave her options. One was that I would put my amount towards the purchase but if she wanted them that bad, she had to pay the rest out of money she had earned. Or I could buy her the non name brand at a much better price and see if there was something on the clearance shelf she might like. She found a pair of cute short boots she liked. She told me she didn't want to spend her hard earned money just to have the name brand. All of a sudden it wasn't important anymore and my budget could handle both the tennies and boots. Of course she agreed to that. Since there wasn't a handout to get what she originally thought she wanted, she rethought things, like an adult would. This is the kind of stuff I am talking about. Of course, I understand there will always be a child who fights against a good parent, no matter what they do. My first daughter became like that at 17, 18 and one would think she had bad parents. The parents mistake in this case, is trying to pick up the pieces and go along with what the child demands, basically allowing a wayward child to control the parents. All my kids are adults. I will spend time with them and help at times but watch to make sure they are not abusing my help or what, so when the one daughter who doesn't cook invites me to dinner, expecting me to b ring food she can eat and prepare it, I tell her, this time, I wlll bring food since you're broke but you must be willing to prepare dinner and be willing to learn if I show you how. Other times I insisted she cook and if I show and she is apologizing too busy to shop or to cook but wants me to do so, I will do it if hungry but tell her that if she can't provide a cooked dinner when she invited me to dinner, then don't be surprised if I turn you down next time. And I have turned her down plenty of times. My kids are adults and I am pretty proud of them but there are still things they do where I do not allow them to get their way on some things they do. They are older than the one you mention, I call Jody. So one of those scenerios fit her. And in all those situations, there is something the Mom could be doing differently. No, we don't know everything, so when a problem comes along, turn for help to fellow parents, parenting books and learn. I had to do that and boy did it help. So in my eyes, Tricia has no excuse. Somewhere along the lines, she dropped the ball, gave up or thought it was normal or even easier to give in than the long hard way of taking time to teach her daughter a better way to be. This brings us to your spouse. I have no idea if you are male or female, therefore IO say spouse. Obviously, your spouse is well familiar with Tricia and Jody. Tricia is his/her moms friends are automatically his/er friend. A friend treats you special, as close as you can get to a family member who treats you well and loves you, they just don't share the same blood. So I would like to rephrase the label 'friend' with family acquaintance. Since Tricia and Jody are only aquaintances, not a friend, they do not need to be treated as your bosom buddies.

Throughout the whole thing you wrote, you always said I, nor We. So I have no idea if your spouse is on the same page. Is he/she willing to put up with this? Do they have a problem with being taken advantage of someone looking for freebies and not giving back in many ways? Is the spouse concerned about your kids being around Jody? Does your spouse know that if their Mom is friends with a person/Tricia with such family issues of her own, that Tricia may be a good friend but Betty realizes Tricia may be too much controlled by Jody. Would it be a surprise if Jody said bad things about your family who has not chosen friendship with Tricia and Jody. Would Tricia even listen. If she does have issues with parenting and tends to do anything to let daughter have her way, yes, Tricia just might listen and break off friendship with Betty, hoping that following through on her ultimatum with you will cause you to bow down to her wishes in the future? She is hoping to steer your family into giving up and going along just like her mom Tricia. Doing her will, is only going to enable her to remain a spoiled adult child forever. If Tricia wishes to do so, that's her business and she can be miserable for it. I know you are concerned about causing an issue with the Moms. I understand you value true friendship and likely see that between Betty and Tricia. However, friends are not inherited, much as Betty, Tricia or Jody may think. It is possible lets say, for one of my sisters friends to become a friend to me, some one who interacts with me on a friend level, and we do things together as friends do, whether the original person (my sister) is present or not. In friend ahip, there is no requirement that the person who initially introduced you must be present. But it sounds like the only time you see this Jody is when she tags along with her Mom Tricia, and your mother in law is present. The daughter Jody may have stayed past a party to stay overnight, or just shown up on your doorstep by herself, or called and asked. I'll bet the two of you never saw that coming and so had no idea how to react or what to say. This is why I am going to tell you, that the most important thing is that both you and your spouse discuss this whole thing and decide now what you are going to do. Heck if I had to walk on eggshells for the rest of my life to avoid a relative being hurt because someone they know is attempting emotional blackmail with me, the first thing I would do is tell my relative what their so called friend or their friends family or friends is trying to attempt with me and let my family know that I will not be blackmailed or controlled by anyone so I will call the shots and tell my relative they can do whatever they wish, which could amount to choosing between me or friend to believe. I wouldn't hold that against them. Actually, this happened to me twice in my family. I watch what I say as I do not wish to be misunderstood or cause a person to feel bad or get mad at me for assumptions. However, sometimes It can't be avoided. My own Mother stopped talking to me for a long time, I forget but it was anywhere from 6 mos to a year. All because I did act as excited as my sister to news she gave me. Then on a separate occurrence, my Dad took personal agrievence to something I said. Then made up a totally false story, I was in my late thirties with three children and married, and he told lies to several people including some friends from his church, one in particular I had become friends with. She believed him for he normally didn't tell falsehoods. My younger sister believed him. And I don't blame them as this was out of character for him. Both he and my sister stopped visiting and talking to me for a whole year. I would have apologized if I had truly done something wrong but I was not about to lie and admit to something I didn't do just to have my family talking to me again. After some time, each of those 3 family members started talking to me again and never mentioned anything about what caused them to stop interacting with me in the first placed and I wisely did not bring it up, because I did not require hearing any apologys. Sometimes, family will make big mistakes and believe the worst of you when it is not true.
In a way, you both are in this situation and it can hurt your spouse more than you as its their Mom, Betty. Do not allow this 20 yr old to hold threats over your head. Thats verbal bullying and threats. In todays time, that is not tolerated starting in schools. It should not be tolerated anywhere else. You never said if Betty believed Jody or Tricia or if it did cause any problem. Worst case, Betty might not choose to side with her child and believe them and give you the silent treatment as I was given when I was not in the wrong. I am one to admit my faults and do not hide them from others but what I have told you is true. I have no reason to make myself look good to you. You can decide to believe me or not.
So about August, I wonder if your house is where the birth day party is supposed to be held. Or if sometime near the birthday or on it, they just want to drop by and visit. Did you actually agree to hold a party for Jody at your place? She isn't even your friend. She isn't even your Mother in laws friend, just her friends daughter. By friend, I do not mean a person stops acting friendly and civil towards a family member of a friend, but treating a person friendly, doesn't make them your friend. Currently, my husband and I have two different people, one female, one man, who tend to follow us around like lost puppy dogs. We had a third but that person screwed us over and we threatened to call the pollce on him if he ever came to our doorstep again, he's an ex con. And still acts like one. Nice people, like me or you, tend to be like lights in the darkness and will attract all sorts of dysfunctional people who are like the moths drawn to the flame. These people force their so called friendship on us but in most cases, it has always been what they can do for us, not what they can ever once do for us. The latest, was getting a call in the wee hours of the morning, like around 2, the woman has an issue on her computer and knowing my hubby is computer savvy, wanted to ask him to talk her through fixing hers....at2 AM? She did ask, did I wake you. MY thoughts, were 'What are you an idiot? Just because we sleep normal hours and you choose to stay up all night and morning and sleep during the afternoon, does not mean we are going to be awake at the hours you keep. My husband said, he had been sleeping and was going back to sleep. Normally he is a helpful person,asking what he can do to help if someone asks for help. But this was her going overboard. SHe darn well knows we're asleep at that hour. You likewise should not feel pressured to do any favors or jump to the whim of a 20 yr old. But I state again, both you and spouse have to be on the same page, even if Betty ends up one day losing Tricia as a because you set your limits, and draw a line in the sand. It will not be your fault. A person had to own their own actions and the consequences of it. And reallize when it is truly their actions causing friction or issues, or whether it is because of 'other' people who not not owning their own actions, that there is conflict in the first place. Any psychologist will tell you that you aren't the problem. That Jody is and that in some way her mother has contributed to it. But neither is willing to see that their actions are the cause of their problems, not the people who choose to not associate with them. So talk about the party with your spouse. If the two of you are not on the same page, this issue can blow out of proportion and actually cause problems in your marriage if your spouse starts distorting thinking and believing you hate Betty because you will not allow Jody or Tricia to be in your lives anymore. I can tell you right now, that I would leave my husband if he chose doing the will of any person that forces themselves into our lives and acts as Jody does. He would have to chose between trying to keep peace with the others, or having a relationship with me. Because after a first marriage of a man who verbally abused and tried to control me, I vowed to myself to never let people have their way with me ever again. My hubby would never do as I suggested earlier. I was very picky and smart this time and chose carefully in a mate. YOu don't marry just a person but their family too. I know the short comings of all my family members and understand when hubby can only take so much of them at a time, even if they are fairly decent people because I feel the same way, and therefore, we are both on the same page and have no issues dealing with family. If you did not agree to have Jody over for her birthday, tell them you wish her the best for her birthday, but it will not be at your home. Have a talk with Betty privately and let her know what you say is only for her, not for her to share with Tricia and Jody unless she wants to see them irate, in which case it will be on her for gossiping and spreading on stuff she shouldn't. Tell her in confidence what you both have issues with, try to see where she stands if she is seeing what you are seeing. In most cases, I find people have no idea what to say or fear the consequences so they say nothing and remain miserable as someone inserts themselves into their lives whom they do not wish to be with. Just because one person like Tricia is a friend to MOm and you both respect Mom, that doesn't mean you both as totally different people from Mom, are going to automatically choose or gravitate to likeing the same kind of people for friends. I am not friends with any of my siblings friends. I know of them and greet them civilly by name if I see them, but they do not interest me as people to spend time with or even allow in my life. You do have the same choice. YOu do not have to feel beholden to accept Betty friends and her friends family as your friends. Life just does not work that way. If you wish to share more, thinking it will help, go ahead and find my column, dragonfly magic by searching advice columnists. However, I do not think that no matter how bad the stories of Jody are or even her Mom Tricia, the real issue lies what how you are going to handle this as a couple and how Betty might react. Hopefully she wont be offended on their behalf regarding your boundaries. But somethings needs to be said, first between you, then to Betty. You need not say anything to the others, asking Betty to say you have other plans. And every time they want to come by your house, she supports you and says again, they have other plans.Sometimes you will never get through to people like Tricia and Jody so its a waste of breathe explaining yourself. I have realized that and act accordingly in my life.
If they call directly to you, all you say is, we have other plans, and don't explain and if they try to keep you on the phone, you let them know, 'I have to go now" and hang up on them. I actually did that once when my boss was listening to my end of conversation. I had to hang up because I gave them two choices in a home service based company and they refused, wanting us to bend to what they wished. Finally I warned them I had to go and catch another call (not true) but it sounds good. They then called my boss to complain and she told them that what I said still stands, choice one or the other, There is nothing else we can do. NO one else we can send to do as you wish. Choose now or I will have to hang up as I have other work to do." Sometimes you have to be this way with unreasonable people, over and over until they get the message that they are no longer going to get their way with you. Same thing if one of them shows at your door step. You say, we have other plans. "well what are those plans, I wont get in the way, I really need your help." or what ever they say or ask, you stick to your rules and boundaries, both you and spouse saying the same thing, 'Sorry but we have other plans." If one of you weaken and give them a crack to take advantage of, they will only take that as meaning if they keep up the pressure long enough, you will eventually crack. I understand about people asking for advice and once you do so, and are nice to them, a normal person would thank you and then go on with their life and only get together with you if you and they mutually want to. They don't try to forcefully insert themselves into your life. But a dysfunctional person will see the nice deed you did and not take it as you being kind and caring and helpful. They see this as a weakness if you continue to let them decide when they will come to your place and expect you to welcome them with open arms, even if they were not invited.
You have problems if Betty is the one doing all the set up and saying, well my friend in lonely and needs to get out, and her place is too small and her daughter lives with her and goes where she goes, so I hope its okay that I invited them to come to your place for Jodys birthday. In that case, Betty, is just as much a problem as the other two. Instead of saying, Sure, okay MOm. Next time, say, no, it isn't okay. Just because we are your family, does not mean we need to cater to anyone who is a friend of yours. We don't mind helping with something once or twice but that list keeps growing and this is getting out of hand. Next time, you ask us first.(or in case Betty does ask you first,) Mom, she is your friend, not ours by choice. People do not inherit friends through family members, they are only acquaintances and they are not exactly our cup of tea, or choice in a friend. She and her daughter may be just fine for you but we choose to not spend any time with them by choice. We ask you to honor this. Yes, defininitely some discussing needs to be done.

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Hello, I am 24 and my boyfriend is 25 and we've been together for four years. I have only been with men in my life, I've always been attracted to men in my life. I can agree that some women are beautiful but that's usually as far as it went. Lately, I've been fantasizing about sex with a woman and what it would be like. I've been doing some reading and research on the topic and it seems like it's a pretty normal thing for women to fantasize about that but I just wanted a second opinion. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend with my whole heart and I see myself getting married to him and having his children.

I am like you, I can look at a woman and enjoy how pretty they are, much like enjoying a pretty nature vista. The difference is, there is no sexual desire or feelings associated with it. I like males only.

What you are talking about is termed 'Bi curious' by people in alternative sexual circles.

My ex and I were invited by friends to go along with them to a weekend all Saturday party to the home of their friends who had a big home, a big pool for fun in the sun. I made sure I got proof the home owners were okay with us extras coming along.

We had no idea ahead of what some of these people were like. We were all very free thinking sexually.
So while my husband was busy talking to the guys, I was poolside, working on my tan, eyes closed. When I opened them, I noticed all the women were gone and I was the only one there. I asked the host were all the women went? He told me that two of the women were bi sexual and lovers and had announced they were going to a room in the house to have at it. The thing is, many of the women there were either just curious about it being something different, or were bi curious. I was told all the women apparently went to watch the two because they were all bi curious. I was told if I wanted to join the watchers, he'd show me where. I had already witnessed women kissing plenty in real life and it did nothing to thrill me. I did not need to see more.
So don't worry about it. Its normal to feel and never want to act upon. Enjoy your boyfriend.

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me and my boyfriend have been saving up to move out for a couple months now, when his mom drops a huge bombshell on us: she’s moving into her boyfriends house, and expects us, and her other son to pay for the rent of the home they currently live in - which is falling apart, and is more costly than having an apartment that’s new & in shape, all because she wants to keep the home around for sentimental reasons, and has abandonment issues about us moving out in general. i’m pissed off at her because she won’t let us be adults and get on with our lives by moving out, i don’t know what to do, help!

It's not that she is physically doing anything to prevent you both from leaving. She is only voicing her wish without any concern for what you want. Something is not quite right in her mind. Sounds like all that matters to her is how she feels and to heck with anyone else. What she wants, keeping the house, is something she is going to have to figure out on her own without asking her kids to bail her out on this. Either that, or she can always sell the house as is as a place for those who flip houses, to put the money into to resell. She just is not thinking of other options, so her thinking is too short sighted. I can even think of another option and I don't own that house. I am sure she doesn't want to pay mortgage anymore but I think if moving in with a boyfriend, instead of helping him with his rent/mortgage, she could pay the mortgage, and find a person who has experience in fixing things, like a jack of all trades who can do electrical, plumbing, roofing, carpentry and have him/her sign a contract where instead of paying rent, they get to live and rent there in trade for work they do on the place to fix it up, not a slap together, patch up job but quality work that will pass inspection. And they spend monthly as much as what the mortgage is on the place in fixing costs and do so every month, reporting to her whats been done and allowing for her and perhaps someone she trusts who knows this stuff too, to double check all is done right, not cheaply. That may be another way to keep the house. If it's monthly up to the limit of her mortgage payment, she is paying that but getting the house fixed for free. But she may have to sign a contract to allow that person to rent a certain amount of time, 2, 3 years or more. If at the end once completely fixed and upgraded, they want to continue to stay there, she can do another contract that allows them to stay but pay the mortgage cost to cover it. You both could mention these options. But I am sure she's shoot them down as soon as she hears them. However, the bug has been put in her ear and her boyfriend may talk her into selling or something like this if its so important that it stays in her name. If it's so sentimental to her, ever wonder why practicality won over sentiments in her decision to go live with boyfriend. If it's not fit for her to live in, why would she expect you to live in it? She doesn't care about her sons having to put up with a place that needs serious work done on it PLUS pay the mortgage. Is she expecting them to put money into fixing it AND pay the mortgage. She isn't even realistic. ANd she is very stuck in her thinking. As adults, anything age 18 or over, you do not have to listen to a parents narrow vision and wants. This isn't even about honoring ones parents as the Bible says. SHe is the one out of line. Hey, I am a parent, age 60 and have adult children, I would never dream of expecting them to live where I say and do as I say as adults. That is their decision. It is their life to live, not my life to live through them.

So I would not consider this a bombshell but a selfish demand of a parent who has some growing up to do. She never transitioned from being a parent of minors, to a parent of adult children. That is actually quite common.

The sad thing is, such parents know how to push the emotional buttons on each of their kids to get them to do the parents will and it is usually the following: make them feel guilty, the "I brought you into the world, so you owe me..." crap, you are so ungrateful, I've never asked anything of you before, I am only asking one thing so why are you resisting, why did I ever give birth to you, I took care of you as a kid, now its your turn to help me, and so on and one. Parents know how to mess with their kids minds. The only kids it doesn't work on, the only kids who do not buy what the parent is saying, do not cave in to them, are the ones who have some backbone, maybe a good understanding of psychology, and will not fall for the tactics of the parent. Oh, and if there is any resistance from the adult child, a parent knows their child is an adult and make their own decisions, so last resort is crying a bucket of tears. That works better on males than others because males freak out when a female cries. If Crying doesn't sway a child to their will, a parent will say something really hateful like, I will disown you, I will take you out of my will and you'll never inherit anything, I will never speak to you ever again for the rest of my life. What they threaten kids with, may panic the child, thinking how much it will hurt to not have their own Mom on good terms with them, but the crazy thing is that they are hurting themselves more by being so stuck in a rut and demanding the world revolve around them. They could never get away with this kind of verbal crap with someone who is not family, flesh and blood and subconsciously they know it.

So why did I go into detail on what a parent is doing and how far they will go to get their way?
I just wanted to prepare you both for this so you are not surprised. She may not go this far, but there is a great possibility she will.
So I feel its important that your bf and his brother see my take on this. As for abandonment issues, that is not something you kids have caused her to have. She already had that from exper lt. Somewhere along the line, even if someone never left her, she took a situation that way. And in her mind, it will always be there, unless she willingly goes for counseling, wanting to be mentally healed of this.

You should move out on your own as planned and let the crap fall where it may. You still have your whole lives ahead of you. But think ahead to when you are very old or on your death bed, do you want to have any regrets? Of old people questioned what they might have done differently in life, they ALL had regrets looking back. Do not let, choosing to placate Mom and let her choose how you live your adult lives, be a regret you at 80.

I can't say it will help but here is a story of my own to push through the point on abandonment issues and how they make those the person is around, totally miserable and unable to have a good life. This would be my ex husband. I raised kids with him but after 30 years, I could nolonger stay, as I believe the stress would have killed me, I was having stress related illnesses.

When he was a kid, his Mom ended up in the hospital. He overheard the Dr. talking to his Dad saying they are doing their best and that she might pull through but they might also lose her.

In his child's mind, even though she survived, he began to have distorted thoughts, which is not caught and allowed free rein, can become much worse and become mental illness. Everyone experiences distorted thoughts, seeing an overturned car along the freeway and instantly the thought hits, what would it feel like if I was alive and trapped up side down in my car? Those are negative thoughts and dwelling on such thoughts day after day can cause unnatural feelings and phobia's for example. So back to the ex, puberty came and with it, interest in girls. HOwever this feeling that a female in his life would abandon him at some point was always in his mind. (I heard this from things he told a psychologist at first appointment, and later, the Dr.s take on it, with me) When a female was loyal and cared about him, that 'prediction'
running like an endless loop tape in his mind, was not happening, he had to be right so he began to treat females in a way that was so bad that each one finally left him. He had never been the one to end a relationship and leave them. I even met some of his old girlfriends. Not one could say he left them. That would not fulfill his mental prediction. So by time he was 24 and I married him, he was so set in his ways, that he only treated me nicely for a month or two and when I didn't leave, he started in with verbal abuse. It was very bad, and yet due to my churches beliefs, I should trust God to heal my marriage. It took until almost 30 years before I actually heard God or whatever one called it, the higher self, etc... clearly tell me that he had his chance, he broke his vows and if I stayed, I would die early from the stress, or I could leave. God never gave us free will to take it away if someone misbehaved, and magically touch the person, in this case my husband, and make him automatically be a good devoted loving husband. So I was told, what I had chosen to believe all my life from that church, was false. It was my decision now to stay and die, or leave and live. I obviously chose leave and live or I wouldn't be answering you now. I hold no anger or unforgiveness against him. I had two choices after my bad experience, remain the victim for the rest of my life, acting accordingly, (as bf's mom is doing) or to be an overcomer. This means there has to be healing for the person, so they don't remain stuck acting certain ways due to their past. This s called by Psychologists: cognitive behavior. Cognitive means the thoughts of ones mind cause the actions we take and the things we say. So when there is no healing for mental stress in our past, like those who suffer PTSD, we will act accordingly. I know PTSD can be deeper psychologically, actually imagining and feeling like you are back at the moments of trauma. But I am using that for example. There is a therapy, meant to heal the mind, CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. This is likely what Mom needs.
Caving in to her will only help her remain stuck. SHe needs something big to shake her up and realize she needs help or she can choose to ignore forever. It all comes down to personal choice and trying to foist our choosen choices and desires off on others. So please don't think any of you are helping her by staying in the house. It only enables her to coast along without healing for longer. Like my ex, she may refuse treatment. He stopped after a few visits. That was when I left. He wanted to live in the past and let the past rule his current life. Why let someone else's past rule my life? That is why I left. Sadly he has not gotten better. Every girlfriend he has had long term since me, has left him.(3 have left him) He is still acting out of the belief that he will be abandoned by females and when they don't leave, treats them worse and worse until they leave him. Mom may refuse to get better. That is her choice and choices like that affect the lives of family and break up family more often than not. Either stay and be miserable and help her stay stuck or just maybe, what if, refusing to do as she wishes, just might be one of the experiences that help her wake up, want to change, and do something about getting healing for her mind. Think of it this way, what would she do if as run down as it is, the place caught fire on its own and burnt to the ground, she'd have nothing left for sentimental reasons. What would she do then? Decide to stop living because of it and want to die because the hose did? Please have all of you read this. I am sure when you all do, that none of you will have any issue with moving out and living your own life.

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This guy has been texting for 7 weeks and every week he asks when is he going to see me and or when are we going out. I put it off every week. Bc I don’t really take him serious. So this guy is someone I have seen of and on but it’s been a year sOnce any sexual contact but we have talked off and on. So recently he fixed my car so he brought me home and we talked and decided we would go out tonight. Like a date. He said 9. So he called around that time and told me he was going to get in the shower and then come pick me up. He call 55 mins later and his son got into an argument with the mom and he has to go pick them up. So he is going to drop him off at his moms . So I called 45 mins later to see if everything was ok he says his mom said to keep him and he was playing dominos with his step dad he was like in an hour it’s going to be late...... I am so confused he has texted me every week for 7 weeks and asked to see me and then he pulls this...crazy... my friend says it’s about control and that he not getting any. But he wouldn’t know that it’s always possibility.

Your friend sounds very wise. When in doubt, any true friend who really cares about you will tell you as they see it. I would tend to agree. Okay, so what if both of us are wrong?

I have learned from experience that the guys who are so persistent in chasing the girl and/or those who put on a big act, trying to sound like the sexual pro, knowing lots, turning anything said into a sexual innuendo, and so on, are the guys who are either married and to someone where they have no desire for each other and little to no sex, or they got divorced from someone like this and still have no clue how to go about finding a person who will be better for him than the last one, or they are a single person who doesn't get any at all or not often, only when they can pressure a gal into doing so with him. Such men can be control freaks but the uneducated female mistakes it for him being protective, knowledgeable instead of possessive and having no clue about how to treat any other person, not just a romantic one, fairly. The other reason is that they may never have gotten their act together, have emotional or mental issues, or are just someone who can't be counted on, are very inconsistent so you never know what to expect. On a few occasions, a persons conscious mind and subconscious mind want different things and will be at war with each other. These are the people who show an interest in pursuing something, doing something, pursuing someone but the sub conscious mind is not in agreement and will cause the person to do things that sabotage everything they go after. Not gonna do a big psch lesson here, just trust me, that is a real thing. This is not a person to trust for a relationship because a part of them wants you and the other part does not. You can't rely on such a person.
This is likely why you don't feel like you can take him seriously. Rather than focus on how to respond to him if at all, the better choice is to decide what you need and want, and when you think you see something promising in a guy, you go after him, don't wait for a guy to ask you out or show interest. I have learned that most women still don't make the first move. I met my second husband on a dating site. I didn't wait for guys to show interest in me, usually it was only sexual interest which is important in a marriage and I wanted, but I warned guys to read what I wrote rather than respond only because of what I look like, and hon, I am no model type, just the average female. I went looking and if i found a guy had filled enough helpful info on himself to give me a clue he might be great, I would write him. One of these guys I wrote to became a great boyfriend but he'd been single so long he didn't want to ever marry again. So I knew he was only a time filler and he said the same, knowing someday I would find the guy to marry. But he did make a great caring boyfriend who really listened to what I said, got me surprise gifts, did all sorts of neat things for me. But I knew I wanted a bit more than a limit to the caring, that wasn't a commitment for the rest of our lives. So I say to you, decide first what it is you want. Lets say you want kids some day, this better be something you put out there in the first few meet ups. No making commitments to date exclusively until you have some idea that he is Mr. Right. If you decide you want to read my ideas on how to find Mr. Right, from my own successful experiences, then I will share it with you. If you want to write direstly to me to ask, you need to search for my column by searching advice columnists, looking for my name Dragonfly magic, and from my column pressing the button to ask a question. I wish you the best but I don't think this guy is going to be the best boyfriend material.

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I’m in love with someone that isn’t in love with me, even though we’ve been dating for 2 years, what do I do

If this someone is not in love with you, then what the heck are they dating you for? Maybe what you thought were dates, was simply something else for this person, like just hanging out with a close friend. There are different kinds of love, so a friend can love you but I believe you meant a romantic love. It isn't so much that a person chooses to love another romantically. It is totally out of anyones hands. There is a certain kind of chemistry one can tell is there or isn't if physically in the presence of the other person. This is why on line romances are only in the mind and once meeting in person, they may or may not feel desire for you, no matter how great you both do as friends. When I met my second husband on line, we both wanted to meet in person ASAP. Since both sounded promising to the other, and I knew he sounded perfect for me, I was praying, please God let there be that romantic chemistry between us. Luckily there was. Before him, I'd met a couple guys who sounded good but one was as aware of this thing called chemistry. Although we did great on line, when we met at a restaurant, we hadn;t even left the waiting area awaiting seats when we both looked at each other and both of us said,
This is not going to work, is it?" We laughed, saying the same thing but then admitted neither of us felt drawn to each other physically. So we ended up enjoying dinner without stressing out

The only difference there should be between a relationship with a best friend and a mate in marriage is this romantic chemistry. Both should have friendship. Sadly, there are married couples who are only best friends but there is no romantic love so later, either one or both start having affairs to get the sexual needs taken care of since it doesnt exist and never would between those two. The other sad example, is two people who have hot sex but outside the bedroom,, they fight, and treat their partners like crap. They either stay together because of the sex or one of them wakes up and thinks there must be something better. Yes, it is easy for one person to feel in love with another person but they don't feel it in return. That has happened to me often. The answer i gave those men was the truth, I don't feel any chemistry with you. And they accepted it fine because they knew that if I felt no chemistry, there would never ever be any romance or sex between us. Now there is such a thing as 'friends with benefits'. If your person has dated you this long and there is sex, it could be they realized there isn't enough attraction for it to work as the kind of relationship you are hoping for but only as a friend with benefits, the benefit being that both agree to sex in their friendship because for whatever reasons, usually neither having a sex partner or a sweetheart they have sex with, this is better than nothing. I actually did this myself, after a divorce, for about 3 months until I met a guy who became my boyfriend. I met one more guy later who became a bf but during that time with him, I met the man who is now my husband and at the same time, a woman from his past wanted to get back together with him, fix things, and so we both told each other.

There is nothing you can do but let him/her go to find their own mate and you yours.(or if you are real young, then other dating partners)

I would advise working on communication and choosing someone next time who is better at communicating things to you. I know something is off in communication, because it only takes the first meet up or two to realize whether there is romantic attraction or not. So your partner failed to mention this, maybe out of fear, and fear means they did not feel comfortable enough to be able to say anything to you, which points to the fact of a lack of trust or simply being immature or very unexperienced in dating and relationships. A relationship will always be a poor one or end up in real trouble or breakups if there is a lack of good communication. I don't mean asking how each others day was, but even a private and quiet type of person realizing that they must speak up at least with you. There are two reasons as I see it for dating, one for having someone to hang out with socially, someone to check out the new restaurant with, to go to a movie or a fair if neither has a sweetheart. This is dating simply for social reasons, and they may love some aspects of a persons personality but not be totally in love with them. The other is dating with the hopes of finding someone who wants to be you committed dating partner but many are hoping to be asked to marry them. The problem is in saying nothing, no boundaries up front, no laying down of rules, your expectations. I was no better when I dated a guy at age 19 and a year later married him when I was turning 20. I did not know that he was only attracted to one or two things in me but otherwise, we had little in common, and he also hd mental issues and I was verbally abused. I learned alot from that bad first marriage. Most people are too scared to try again because they did not learn what the warning signs are, and what do's and don't are important if you want to find someone to marry. I am social, I don't need a man to feel whole. But I sure like having someone to talk to and enjoy experiencing every little thing in life together, even the mundane tasks, which are more fun simply because you are both together.

I don't know if you will have questions of how to proceed in the future, but I would be happy to share with you, the important things, that i learned the hard way. But there is nothing to do but stop seeing the person you love. It will hurt the same as any break up. If you need help to stop thinking so much of them, I can let you know what to do so write me about that if it becomes an issue. If they want to stay with you but don't love you, do not settle for less. Do not marry this person. Otherwise, one or both of you at some point in the future, out of sexual frustration will start having affairs. It also isn't fair to yourself to have so so sex and romance when you can have much more. Friendship and this chemistry with sexual compatibility are the glue that holds a romantic relationship together. When one is missing, or its felt one sided, then it will weaken the relationship. If you think you can go on like nothing is wrong, think again. I've heard from plenty where two friends started out as friends, and only one caught deeper feelings later down the line. Trying to just be friends, even if you know they will never love you romantically has ended the same for each person who wrote me. Everything thing you say or do, the friend will question whether its' out of friendship only, and knowing most likely that you are still feeling romantic love and that can make a friend so uncomfortable that they make themselves scarce as a friend, or you find that pretending all is fine and giving a pat on the shoulder when all you really want is a romantic kiss. It eats at the person who feels love til they can't stand it anymore. But don't take my word for it. Go ahead and try to remain just friends and both of you look for romantic relationships. If I can save you having to experience everything I did, learning the hard way, I will be happy.

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My father has never been around. Ever. So technically speaking, my mother would walk me down the aisle. Well I don't want her to. I want my "adoptive" mom to. And why I say adoptive in quotes is because she's not actually. She's my best friend, but I consider her my mom because that's what I see her as. It started when I was on the brink of death in 7th grade. (I was suicidal). I was completely alone with literally nothing to live for, but this girl in my English class, who I didn't even know. She saw and helped me. We've been together since and I love her more than anything because she is the very reason I'm here today, and I'd do anything for her. My actual mom emotionally neglected me and has failed to show me love, support, and acceptance since I was a child. So honestly, I don't want anything to do with her. I have an anxiety disorder and I just don't know how to tell her that "Hey you're not walking me down the aisle because you don't deserve that honor because you've never even taken the time to show me any sort of love or appreciation." Because I don't wanna be a complete dick about it y'know? Plus yelling and screaming sends me into a full blown panic attack so I don't want to be screamed at. What should I do? Should I not invite her altogether??

Your wedding is your special day. As long as the person you are marrying has no objections, and knows this is your plan, thats all that matters. If your dad was never around, i could guess that alone affected your Mom emotionally in bad ways and she was so wrapped up in her own unhappiness and life, that she couldn't be there for you. I am saying this so you can understand that even if she had actual reasons why she couldn't be there for you, the fact still remains that you never felt she was a mother to you. It is up to you whether you invite her to the wedding or not. You wouldn't want her throwing a fit at the wedding. You want only good memories.

SO here is what I have suggested to people who have had reasons why they didn't want a dad to walk them down the aisle or even for difficult, trouble making parents to attend. If you decide to invite them, you need to lay down to law. I would assign one of the male attendees you trust, to act as a bouncer, you know, the person who at clubs, will toss out rowdy people, drunks causing trouble. You add a short letter in the mailed invite that they are invited to your wedding. However, for reasons you'd rather not have to spell out, neither her or the non existent dad if he were to be found tomorrow, are not walking you down the aisle. YOu have someone else chosen. Heres where you mention the thing that could make such a person angry. You say they are welcome to attend as long as they can behave, go along with your choices, not complain, not confront you, and if yelling, rowdy or hurtful in any way, you have a person who had agreed to act as a bouncer and will remove them from the wedding if you ask them. That person can call police if anyone removed from the wedding hall, tries to come back in, instead of leaving. It may sound harsh but though her child by blood, you are an adult, if you are 18 or older, and this way, you don't have to talk to her. If she calls after recieving invite, you don't have to answer as you know it will be about the invite and what you wrote. At the wedding, if you were with the pastor up front when anyone starts acting up, all it takes is eye contact with the person who is your bouncer and a hand signal to convey to him you want that person removed. You need never have to deal with her. Or you can choose to not invite her. If she doesn't know you are getting married, this is easy to pull off. If Mom knows you are getting married, then it is harder to get away with not sending an invite, or at least mailing a letter or sending an email or text letting her know that you are having a very small wedding, and have your couple of witnesses and so there will be no big wedding to attend. Although, that story only works if she doesn't know any other attendees who may talk to her about your wonderful wedding.If you know from experience Mom is prone to yell and scream, then you already know she is going to likely do so at some point or another. I hope your mate is a strong supportive person as far as standing up to your Mom goes and will do the talking for you, telling her that her calls, verbal abuse and so on, are not cool and they don't want her to treat you that way. If not invited, there may be trantrums afterwards to deal with but as long as your mate doesn't back down from any challenge, it should be fine. I would hesitate at saying nothing in text, that she is not welcome if you so choose, because she could find out from someone else where and when the wedding is and show up. SO if you don't want her there at all, best to let her know, written notice is fine.

Don't let her give you the guilt trip and don't think of it and cause yourself anxiety by feeling guilty. You know there are businesses that have a sign stating "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone." This means for what ever reason, they can ask a person to leave. And no, they don't have to explain why. Explaining will only add fuel to the fire of the person being kicked out. I have witnessed this several times myself. In one case, the parents allowed their children to climb up on tables, and if they fell, the company would have to pay damages. So a manager asked them to leave. Another, a man was obviously extremely drunk, attempting to reenter the store I was leaving and three employees all yelled, "Oh no you don't. You are not welcome here. We told you to leave before. We are telling you again." And the man left. Usually its a food service establishment or a store but a public place. In your case, you reserve the right to refuse to invite whomever you want to for whatever reason, and like store employees, the person is not due an explanation. Only if the police are called to remove a person who won't leave, then you give the police the explanation why. You might keep a written copy of what you wrote her if she is not invited (but shows up) or if invited, that she had to behave and not act confrontational with you. The fact you warned her ahead of time helps to prove your side of the story. There is no rule that a parent or parents must be allowed to attend. So enjoy your wedding day, no matter which way you choose to go.

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I am from India. I am 19 years old and I am a girl. Should I go out with my friends for a movie tomorrow? I met them day before yesterday and my mom is scolding me to go again.

At the end of your 18th year, you reached the age of majority, which means you are considered an adult. This also means you can make your own decisions. So you do not require your Moms blessing and okaying on everything you do from now on.

However, this is later than the day you were concerned about. I just want you to know this for the future. Do you have a Dad and what does he think? When you say she scolded 'again', that word means it has happened before and this is not the first time she has told you to stay home.

So I wonder if you live in a dangerous area of the city or if the theater you want to go to is in a dangerous area. If her only reason to worry is because of possible danger because young women are accosted all the time, then you may want to consider taking safety measures. I don't know if you can carry pepper spray in India as we have in US for safety, but whatever the equivalent is in India, I would do whatever I can to be safe.
If you are an only child or the first one to become adult child in your family, many parents have a hard time letting go and allowing their kids to make their own decision. You may have to remind her of that. It is a good thing though to run any ideas of yours past Mom or any adult you trust to look out for your best interest. The way it should work is that they only offer advice when you ask for it, but that doesn't always happen and you may have to remind Mom of that also.

Lastly, I will mention that the frontal lobe of your brain is not done growing, has not reached it's full adult potential. OUr bodies mature long before our brain does. Scientists have stated that will happen around age 25. You may be close but I remember needing help with advice during that period of time, until I could make the best decisions possible. So as long as you run things by parents and listen to their concerns, and like listening to what I have to say, you take all the different points of view and information in, before you make any decision and you should be fine.

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By various problems my mother left me to take my brother (smallest brother 10 years old) and my sister (middle sister 14 years old and I'm the biggest one) because my father have a diseases so for the treatment they went India. OKAY! now what happen that,so there was no adults in our house to take care so one stranger man whom my mom trust told to look after us. OKAY THAT'S OKAY!! but now it getting overboard OKAY he's cook'in for us OKAY he sometimes brings food from outside OKAY he sometimes touches us weirdly but I know self defence I can protect but now it's getting overboard now he's threatening us if you say somebad things about I will tell mom that I'm go'in and cause ur daughters are say'in bad things and I'm go'in. why!? why he's say'in this why?! we didn't do anything so he can feel like he's stranger right?! then why! huh?

Some people are good and some are bad with nothing but evil intent. This man pretended to your Mom that he would take good care of you. This means your Mom thoght he would take care of you as if you were his own children. However it sounds as if he is a pedophile. In the states, that is a crime a person goes to jail for. A pedophile is a person who touches children or anyone under 18 in private places, sometimes making a child take all their clothes off and it can be as bad as attempting to have sex with a child. Simply touching you in ways you don't want can put him in trouble if authorities know. If he is not into boys, then your sister is at risk for being raped, and you too if you are female.

You need to think of a neighbor or relative nearby and all three of you leave when he's not there and go ask for help. Tell the people what he is doing to you. It doesn't matter what goood things he does like bring food home and cook. You can not weigh how much good or bad. He knows what he does is wrong and that is why he is trying to scare you to not tell anyone. But you MUST TELL. Just don't do it and stay in the house where he can come and abuse you even more for telling. People like this will threaten to kill you or your parents if they are reported. So leave as soon as you can, walk if you can to a neighbors. Ask them to call police, or what ever you call the law enforcement people where you live. Your parents must have a phone with them, or a phone you can call where they are in India. The authorities will have to let your parents know that the man was reported for sexual touch or sexual behavior with any of you. Mom may want to be with Dad but she may have to come home immediately or let the police know who else she can think of who can keep you in their home until they return. Do not delay. This man is dangerous because he is unpredictable. He may do nothing more than improper touching or he may rape. So get all of you out and get in touch with police from a neighbors home.

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I can't take care of my nephew by myself I forgot to mention that I have mental health issues of my own that require me by law to live with mom. Would defax take my mental health issues into consideration?

If you have mental health issues, I don't know laws for your state, but Mom needs to be focused on your needs, not putting a stranger she took in above you. If she thinks she can handle both, again, I know that the homeless in most cases are a lot of work and will take up all your times as in the couple of homeless people we know through first helping them with something, like jumping car battery and then their following us around, always wanting our attention. I personally do not think it a good idea. then She is supposed to care for 2 other family members as well. The same people who awarded custody of niece and nephew to her, are the people who would have to know of the addition of a homeless man to your home. I don't know what the agency is called in your state, but you can ask a neighbor or someone. Child Protective Servies is one name and is for any under 18. Since you are older but need care and supervision from an adult, you would not qualify with that agency, but the DSHS or Dept of Social and Health serviecs, same place one gets food stamps, housing assistance and a case worker for people like you who assess if you are the same, better or worse, which is done once a year if you are unable to work and receiving assistance through SSI, like social security but for those who are disabled in some way. Your Mom probably recieves your check and thats why she is allowing you to stay with her.

As far as I know from having been a care giver to people on SSI who were disabled physically or mentally, especially if its mental health, they need to live somewhere where there is supervision in the home, so no perosn is 'required' to live with a parent but may live in an adult care home. That however must be paid by the state if you qualify or by your parents if they have the money. So if you know who to talk to about the situation, I would go ahead and do it if I were you. This way you can learn exactly what the laws are. If there is a law that Mom can not take any extra people into her home, unless theres an exception if its a renter renting one room (which he is unable to do, being homeless) then worst case is a social worker coming to the home and informing your Mom the man must leave. They may come again unannounced to see if she has complied. But again, I don't know what the actual laws in your state are. Is there a Dad? You haven't mentioned one. I would be surprised if he was part of the household and allowing this. I don't think Mom would be in trouble, just forced to make the man leave if he can not live in your home due to a minor living there and a person (yourself) with mental health issues living there.
So do talk to someone. Don't tell MOm or she won't let you talk to anyone. If the best you can do is talk to an aunt, give all details and ask for help as it makes you feel uncomfortable. Or ask a neighbor you trust for help. If you attend church, ask the priest/pastor for help. If you are allowed to go on walks yourself, go to the nearest church even if you don't attend, tell them you have mental health issues and live with Mom and need an adult, other than Mom to help you get in touch with agencys that can help you and tell them about the homeless person in your home.

Good luck

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When I finished the 5th grade, my Mother pulled me out of school due to personal beliefs. She doesn't home school me and I don't do school online. For a while know, I've been telling her that I want to go back. But recently, I've just turned 16, and I brought the topic back up. She agreed and said that I can go back if I want. I'm very behind on a lot of things and I want to go back when school starts back up. How much will I have to learn? Do I have to go to 6th grade? Can I go to highschool? I'm very confused and my Mother just wants me to get a GED, but I don't want to.

The third option would have been private school, religious or not. But to have no schooling whatsoever in all this time was wrong. I do not know of any 'personal beliefs' clause that will allow a parent to keep a child at home and not allow them to keep up with studies. There are also truancy laws that differ by state. Your Mom doesn't sound as if she has any good enough reasons to not let you keep up with learning. You will need a basic HS education to get any job or a GED, General Education Degree.

I know that there is such a thing as truancy laws because when we bought a house in a new neighborhood when I was in grade school, my Mom didn't enroll me fast enough in the new school and got a call to sign me up to avoid criminal charges. Yes, it is considered an offense by law to not allow a child to get their basic education. If she had home schooled or allowed you to do so on line, she could have avoided this.

I understand your Mom wants you to get a GED. But a GED is the equivalent of a HS diploma. That means you would be trying to pass and get GED with only 5th grade education. You would probably be a junior in HS at your age so I am guessing you have missed 5 years of education. That is a lot of stuff you do not know that would make passing a GED pretty hard if not impossible. I understand you want to attend school but I have no idea what is best at this point. If the laws in your state are such that MOm will owe fines or have to spend time in jail for keeping you out of school, then everything is messed up for her. If there is no Known dad, you'd be in temporary foster care if Mom goes to jail. This is much bigger mess than you simply going to school. If you were to walk in to your local school and ask to start there as a junior this fall, the staff will want certain paperwork, such as what school you are transferring from, so they can have your school performance charts and will also want immunization records and such. Your last time in school was 5th grade. Mom could lie and say she homeschooled you but they would give you basic tests to pass to determine what grade level you are at and if you can't pass 6th 7th or 8th grade, it likely you won't be able to go straight into the grade your age dictates without some tutoring. Besides, they would either think Mom did a horrible job of homeschooling if you haven't progressed much past 5th grade, and may guess that you haven't been schooled. So going to school will upset Moms world and at the least, the school district would pass this on to whomever, probably Department of Social and Health services. And they in turn would likely advice whomever would take this to court level. To avoid this all, you stay home, never go to school, never have education, never have a job, and are not prepared for adult life when you turn 18. Your Mom is not going to live as long as you do. You can choose to remain dependant on her and uneducated to avoid her getting fined or getting jail time but Mom screwed you over, sorry hon. It doesnt matter if you choose GED instead, eyebrows will rise if you are at 5th or 6th grade level and unable to pass GED which is HS level education. If you do have a dad but Mom had custody, it is possible that you may be better off with Dad. It all depends on what the actual laws for your state are when a child skips school and parents don't know, or a parent knowingly withholds their child from any kind of education. No matter if the kid was at fault, and skipping school, a parent is still liable so your Mom can't sue that excuse either. Basically, she's in deep Sh*%.

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