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I need a closure
I’m 30 years old and with a guy almost for a year and a half, whose really a good guy with all the qualities that every girl ever wants, he treats me right, thoughtful, caring and wants my best, but i have my doubts not because of him, because of my ex that I’ve dated almost 5 months but still didn’t have the closure, because we parted in a terms that i didn’t understand a thing why we broke up, what were the reasons i still have alot of questions in my mind that keep eating me alive... it’s been 4 years we broke up and didn’t see each other since then, so recently i have this thought that i should talk to him to have the closure and move on with my life, but another thought is coming to me that i should just keep it in the past but im not getting that right.. so what should i do?? Should i talk to him even he’s engaged now,, he tried to contact me last month but because my boyfriend was near me i had to not return his call ..
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Perhaps you are thinking there is something he and you both did wrong that caused the breakup. If there was something he did wrong to you, you'd be aware of it. So your question really is, what did I do wrong?
Obviously I don't know the circumstances of what occured to cause the break up. If he simply said, hey it's not working, or I want out, there is a good chance he saw something wrong, but not something you did, something he had and you have that did not match. I am talking about chemistry. There can be enough chemistry on both sides to get together but if its not enough to give a relationship the utmost possibility of lasting forever, then eventually it will break up. Pheromones are something we produce, and so do all mammals. IT is how animals find a mate, by following the scent. We as humans have a receptor that takes in this odor but can't smell it or know it is happening other than one person is desireable and the other gives you a creepy feeling is the pheromones or chemistry is lacking. This is more often than not, one of the major reassons a relationship doesn't even start or last. Lets say a 1 is no matching pheromones and a 2 is some matching pheromones and 3 is a perfectly alike pheromones. Those feeling a 1 will feel like a romantic kiss was just received from a parent, sister or brother, just yucky, because there is no match. 2. There is some chemistry here, enough for couples to get together but not enough to stay together. and 3. is feeling desire, want, the scent of, personal body odor is not going to gag you and is actually kind of nice. (I've told my hubby his sweat smells very close to lemon-pepper seasoning) and I love that scent. Sometimes, both people feel the chemistry, and sometimes only one does and the other doesn't. It could be you felt chemistry with him but he did not feel any with you. Obviously he does with his fiancee or he wouldn't be marrying her.
This is all you have to know to have closure, It is most likely not that he or you were bad people, just not the right people for each other. So just know that there is no wondering left to do, stop thinking about it because the two of you did not have matching chemistry. If you both had felt it, then he would be marrying you, not have looked for someone else. I did not have chemistry with my first husband, just a very little that wore off quickly as the years went by. I stayed too long but eventually left him and am happier now because I have someone with whom we both feel perfect chemistry. So do not talk to him and mess things up maybe for his fiancee who might be a jealous type. I met a lot of great guys like what you mention, when I went on the internet to find my second husband but we lacked chemistry. Most did not realize there was such a thing but a couple did. One guy met me at the waiting area of a restaurant and as we were seated, we both looked across at each other and said the same thing, "ITs not going to work, is it?" We both felt a lack of chemistry once in person and we didn't have to kiss to make sure. If one person is doing the looking for someone and the other waiting to be asked out, then it can happen that the one waiting to be asked out, since not proactive in doing any choosing on their own, are just happy that someone is interested in them and find that whatever chemistry or even lack of it, its good enough for them. The other who did the asking, most likely is seriously not just wanting someone to date for fun but a life long commitment so they want to get it right and won't settle for less. That doesn't mean you are choosing to settle for less, you may just not know that there is something better as far as chemistry goes. If what you had was good, then hopefully the one you're with now, is not the same but even better chemistry wise. If you are not sure if you are settling for less with any guy, then you need help knowing yourself first, your needs, wants, and how to then find Mr. Right. He will be someone who really isn't just a nice great guy but is almost like tailor made for you. If you need help ever with that so you can be sure you are not repeating not knowing enough to determine if a guy is really someone you could be with the rest of your life and he with you, then ask me to send you instructions on how to find Mr. Right but go first to my column and write to me from there, and look for me, Dragonflymagic at the left under Search Advice Columnists
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Hi to answer your question it been 4 years and you ex is engage to be married I think that you should move own don't cause any problems in your own relationship the fact that he called and you didn't answer because you man was there you should have it could have been the closure that you need it this is still eating at you then call him let him know that you are happy that he is getting married even if you don't mean it. don't ruin your own relationship for nothing if you ex can move on so can you. If it really bothering you then call him so you can get the closure you need and want.
Good Luck
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