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He can’t flirt
So me and this guy have been messaging for a while now. We’ve gone out a few times, but it’s been as a double date every time. I’m not complaining though, I really enjoy it. He seems to be crazy about me, but kind of...I don’t know...inexperienced? I really like hanging out with him. He’s fun to be around and a really good guy. I just don’t get attached to people because I trained myself not to a long time ago when I went through betrayal. I guess I just want to be able to feel something. I don’t catch feelings so I don’t want to end things over that. I guess I wish he was more flirty? I find it fun if it’s done between two people who like each other. I feel like I’m the one to do stuff like this and I wish he would too because it makes me feel like I’m the one taking charge. He seems to like me way more than I like him and I don’t know...I feel kinda bad. Is there a way I can drop hints or something? Maybe have it brought up with the girl we double date with? I don’t know how to go about it, but I’d feel weird to straight up tell him...
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Okay, if I understand you correctly, you've texted, gone out a few times, and in all that time, you've found you don't have any romantic feelings or sexual attraction to him. Yet for some odd reason you want him to flirt, even if you have no such feelings?
Hon, that just doesn't make sense. To ask or have someone else ask him to flirt, even if its not natural to him, just him hearing this would convey the message that you want him to do so because you are very into him, romantically. Why would you want to get his hopes up. For that matter, why are you still seeing him? I do understand that in some cases, the opposite sex can be just friends if both truly do not have romantic feelings for each other. The friendship is what keeps them in each others lives. The only difference then in a romantic relationship is that besides the friendship, there is the added benefit of both having romantic feelings and attraction to the other. You need to decide first if that is the case with him or not. No hinting but coming out and saying what you do feel, no romantic feelings but you love him just as a friend.
A guy who is just a friend, wouldn't be flirting with you anyways.
Just remember that one of the traits you are looking for in a romantic partner is him being flirty. Look for other traits more than just that one thing as you search for your long term partner or life long mate. I don't know the circumstances of your previous betrayal but if you don't learn from it you will bring that baggage to any future relationships and maybe look for things as proof that the next guy is better but you could be looking at things for proof that are not true solid proof you could bet your life on. If looking for flirting as a sign a man will be devoted only to you, you have a lot to learn, same as me when I married at 20 and had no clue at all about relationships. So if theres anything else you are not sure about concerning relationships, even knowing how to find Mr. Right, I can help, you have but to ask. However it must be in a new question, directed to me from my column which you can find by the Search for Columnists at the left. When you see Dragonflymagic, thats me.
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You won't be able to change him into a flirty person. You're more advanced than he is in your social life. He doesn't sound as experienced As You Are. You probably going to get bored and move on and that might be for the best for the both of you. You seem to like a challenge and you're not being challenged right now and you can't teach that to somebody. Good luck
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