Abstaining from something means to go without it. Abstaining from sex was never a part of the God plan for humanity, or else he would not have given us the parts. By the way, evolution cannot explain why the human female is the only female in the animal kingdom that has the ability to orgasm from both intercourse and clitoral stimulation. Pretty cool, eh! Sex is meant for enjoyment and procreation (making babies) according to the Bible God wants faithfulness and purity to accompany sex in a commited and stable relationship of marriage in which each partner loves and respects the other as equal partners and will not use or cheat on each other. The metaphor for Christ and His followers parallels marriage between man and woman. Both are to be one in unity and function together in love. Abstaining from sex at a young age will give your mind and emotions time to catch up with your physical body, and you will more likely make better sexual decisions as you mature and become a woman. Also, you have a better chance at avoiding stds and pregnancy if you abstain from all sexual activity, including oral sex, which transmits disease. Sex is something that is usually enjoyed by females at an older age then males. Guys can ejaculate easily and do not suffer in losing virginity...except maybe humiliation. Girls are often pressured into sex before they are ready and have many regrettable experiences. Looking backwards, many males and females have sexual regrets, but waiting for a loving and commited partner is not something you will regret if you think you are able to abstain. If abstinance is not for you, then get yourself to the doctor and plan to have protection before you get sexually active. God forgives, but sexually transmitted diseases do not.

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The following is from the website crosswalk.com:

"In biblical terms, sexual immorality is all extramarital (including premarital) sex. God has set his standard: sexual involvement outside of marriage is wrong. The precept is clear:
"Abstain from…sexual immorality..." (Acts 15:29, NIV). "Flee from sexual immorality..." (1 Cor. 6:18, NIV). "We should not commit sexual immorality..." (1 Cor. 10:8, NIV). "It is God's will that you... should avoid sexual immorality..." (1 Thess. 4:3, NIV).
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The best way to help your partner help you is to know your own body and practice giving yourself orgasms however you can. Then, you will be able to guide him by sensing what feeling is leading you in the right direction. When you do orgasm, there will be no question in your mind. It is a powerful release and involuntary after a certain point of climax. The orgasm itself may be large, small, singular or multiple and felt in various parts of your body besides the genitals being first of course. You will discover these with experience, but the most important factor for a woman being able to successfully and consistently orgasm, is the ability to trust and relax with her partner and be uninhibited completely. If you are self-conscious it will be difficult. Teach yourself first, then train your man.

Practice talking to guys that you are not interested in. This is the best way to overcome your anxiety and build your skills and knowledge of the opposite sex. Start with a topic that you know that they are interested in...people love to talk about their own hobbies and selves. Be a good listener and make good eye-contact. Ask open ended questions, not questions that can be answered with a yes, no, or single word. Better to end a conversation and leave with a confident smile, than stick around with an awkward silence. Guys are active and make a lot of noises that are not verbally understandable...grunting and whatnot, so don't think you have to win him over with intellectual verbal acrobatics. Just have fun and be positive. Guys love attention and crave praise! Tell him in sincerity when you think he is doing well or is right about something. You go girl!

It is normal for a young and, or inexperienced man. He was overly excited and there is pretty much no wrong way unless you draw blood! Be careful though, oral sex can transmit many dangerous and painful diseases and should only be done with a condom for full protection. Don't go around giving sexual favors to friends like it is a handshake my dear, it is risky business and might earn you a bad reputation as well. If you find it necessary to engage in pleasuring a partner, use your hand or protect your mouth with a condom on his penis...and yes, he will still feel it!

This is not normal, so you should see a doctor if it does not go away very soon. If you have any unusual discharge and, or, blood, you could have an infection that can only be cleared up with a trip to the doctor, so go! He needs to have clean hands and you need to make sure he is not spreading germs by touching your bottom area before your vagina, yuck! Many yeast infections come from germs from the bottom area and improper wiping (you need to go front to back everytime, not just after bowel movements and some grown women don't even know this.) Don't suffer any longer, get an appointment at your Dr. or the nearest free clinic.

You are correct in defining his habits as an addiction. Most addict users of porn are trying to escape from or numb out their feelings, and have probably learned to do this with porn and masterbation from an early age to self comfort in a stressful home environment. He will need to admit the truth of his addiction and want to do something about it himself in order to break free from the cycle and have healthy relationships. You can read books about living with people who are addicts and how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. His addiction is something that you need to separate yourself from for a while and get your own help. Many many women have suffered or are still suffering in what you are now going through and are too embarrassed to talk about the pain and feelings of rejection. Addicts are never satisfied, and you need to try to accept the fact that his problem existed before you and it is not about you. You need to find support for yourself and some safe places to talk either online, through counseling or friends. Start reading about the problem, but know you can't fix anyone. If you are not married, and have no kids together, I would really consider leaving him if he remains uninterested in your feelings. Most men with this problem have also learned to be very selfish, deceptive, and secretive from a very young age and have trouble connecting emotionally with anyone. This is not about sexual arousal and normal visual stimulation, but about a deeper problem of missed child-development and self-esteem. The porn or sex addict seeks safety in being in control and distrusts others and refuses to be vulnerable emotionally or otherwise. Porn is the ultimate control and unreality where he can take without giving and it is completely emotionless. Men under the addiction have described their hours of viewing as hypnotic and robotic in nature, and they usually confess that it becomes less pleasurable and more numbing in experience. This explains why they need to go to more hard core sites to get aroused and will eventually lose the ability to be stimulated by natural sexuality. Most porn addicts have had extremetly critical mothers, and will seek out partners that are compassionate and vulnerable themselves. Like any other addiction, the addict will turn to his choice escape repeatedly and remain unsatisfied with fantasy, yet incapable of being able to fully enjoy reality. Some books and websites may be helpful (some are religious, christian-based):http://exits.mediaplus.com/sexaddict/http://www.porn-free.org/info_sexaddict.htm
http://www.blazinggrace.org/WhatIwish.htm
http://www.firesofdarkness.com/thedogreturns.htm
Book...Every Man's Battle, available at this website: http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=63682&netp_id=205693&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW

Take a deep breath. There, now first of all it sounds like you both are just getting over the shock of the pregnancy. It is totally normal to be nervous, scared and confused about the unknown. However, this is your decision alone. Once he has implanted the sperm and impregnated you, the decision is yours alone on whether or not you want to carry to term and give birth to the baby. He will then have legal and moral obligations to his child. It sounds like you have already made up your mind and are just wondering if he is going to man up to the decision along with you and become a responsible partner and father. This is not something I can guess on better than you. At 30 yrs. old, most men start wanting to leave behind the clubbing, and boozing and start growing up, but does that sound like your guy? Having a child is a huge deal, but not the end of life...just the end of life as you know it. A child will limit mostly your time more than his due to biological needs of the baby and you being the mommy will most likely give up more than he has to. You are at a great age to be a mother, and you have proved that you and your guy have a long term relationship and plan on continuing one even if you did not get pregnant. I would not leave him, and he will get used to the idea of you having his baby more and more as you blossom before his eyes and he is a part of the transition. Babies are actually not as needy materially as the commercial media would have us believe, and the basics for caring for a child do not need to cost a great deal. A safe and loving home that can provide food, warmth, security and stability will be the ideal setting for any child. Do you have the ability to create a home for this child with or without the father? Everyone wants the perfect situation, but few ever have it and the baby is born smiling up at you regardless. Many responsible parents still go out and have a great time now and then and party with friends. Babysitters and friends and family help facilitate having a life and you and he can trade off nights to stay home with the baby while the other goes out with friends once in a while. My point is that if you are prepared to give to and love the child above all else, and can provide a stable environment, then the rest will take care of itself. You and he can still have fun and as parents you may find that you have more fun with the baby then you did playing overgrown teenagers at the clubs. You did not force this on him, you both created the situation and the pregnancy together, so stop feeling guilty! Thank God for "mistakes" or "unplanned pregnancies", because millions of us, including myself have come into this world because of them!

Confront him...in real life face to face, of course and tell him that you are sorry that he is upset and that you were trying to make it easier for both of you by breaking it off in a non-confrontational way, but now you see by his reaction that you should have told him to his face that you wanted to break-up. If he acts like a jerk, you can tell him that in the future you hope that for his sake all his girlfriends dump him to his face! I would tell anyone that asks why you did it on myspace, that it was just something you thought would save him the humiliation of being dumped to his face, and that by his reaction you can see now that he would have wanted the drama no matter what. His reaction is his choice my dear, and not your problem.

You set a precident by allowing people who had not paid you back, to continue to borrow money. Once they got away from using you this way, they knew that they could continue doing so. I would write down every account of what you gave them or bought them and how much they owe. Have them sign and date the receipt of the written I O U s. You keep these and tell them that they will have a specified amount of time to pay you back without charging interest. In the meantime, you will take something of theirs as collateral! This is the only hope you have of getting a dime back. I have personally done this and it worked. Make sure you get something good, because chances are you will be left with it and they will not pay you back at all. I loaned a friend 100. which never got re-paid, but ended up with their bicycle! Good luck and let this be a lesson to you not to mix friends and borrowing. Either give a friend a true gift and don't expect payment in the future, or don't give at all. Loans seldom come back and can ruin friendship. If you never want to see a particular person again, you just ask for loaned money back, and they will do everything to avoid you...sometimes it is worth the money!

Ha! Been there, done that! My advice is to stay out of the way and say nothing. Give them absolutely nothing to have on you. You have already been branded the bad one and they are probably threatened and annoyed that you are on to them. Just because you are family, does not mean you are alike. In the meantime, you are living under their house, their rules etc...so at least respect that and keep your mouth shut. No, they will not change and allow you to express yourself. They are to small-minded and selfish. Keep yourself busy doing positive things for yourself and express yourself and your frustrations in ways that are safe and healing for you. This sucks, but I promise it is temporary, and you will eventually have your own life. Nothing in life is fair, and parents are just two people who happened to give you DNA. Try to keep peaceful for your own sake and make the most of what you do have. There are many situations that are way worse, so take heart and get through it! You will survive, I did!!!

I doubt you are pregnant, but I am not a doctor. If you do not bleed normally this month and it stays extra light, then consider another test. Better to buy a few cheap tests, than to stress about it. Visit your doctor or nearby free clinic to get tested and for information on stds and birth control.

Welcome to reality. Girls seem to think that they themselves can check out guys, and say this or that one is cute, but that guys are evil for the same thing. We get insanely jealous and drive ourselves nuts for no real good reason. His thinking other girls are hot, does not make you less hot. Just like you thinking a certain guy is hot does not go away when you like him. Guys are simple creatures and do not see the point of trying to be any different than what feels good at the moment. Women have been given the burden of being the "good" ones and have been told to carry the morality of the entire planet as sacred virgins who cannot enjoy sex or think "dirty" thoughts etc...so, we naturally have a chip on our shoulder. It is not fair or even realistic that women accept such a false definition of femininity. Because it is impossible to fit such a holy mold, we decide that to make it just, and take on the role of virtue, we need to demand the same loyalty. This is where the charade unravels. Men will be jerks, but very few will successfully be smart jerks. Most will confess that they are pigs and happy to check out any barely breathing bosom. You could put a bag on a girls face and he would not notice anyway, so don't take it personally. Guys like sex, boobs, butts, legs, whatever. This is not all bad, because I am assuming that you are part of the group of females that would qualify in his mind as hot. What will set you apart and make you special is you. What will make him decide to be loyal is him. Faithfulness is about the one being faithful. It is not something that depends on how cute the other girls are. Supermodels get cheated on all the time by their boyfriends with less attractive girls! He is going to look, so don't waste your worry over it. Accept it and change the way you have been judging yourself for the same behavior. You are allowed to look, and enjoy the company of other guys. It is normal and healthy.

We all have such limited perspectives on each other. He may have been in a prior relationship that was problematic because of jealousy or his partner being clingy. Maybe he is trying to test you out a bit and rule out any potential repeats of the bad scenerio of his past. It is not fun for our ego to admit that others can be attracted to more than just us at once, but it is a fact of life. He may have met you and another interesting fellow about the same time, and wants to explore his options. There is no harm in that, and he respected you enough to be honest at least. You have only gone on two dates, so do not overanalyze this. What may be rude to you, may seem honest and respectable behavior to him. Hold off on judging this or taking it personally. Consider getting to know him as you would get to know someone from a different culture. It takes time to find out how someone else defines the world and their place in it. Getting to see things from other's perspectives is not always fun, but it is always educational.

It depends on who you ask. Every situation is a little different and mature adults are expected to be able to handle these things with finesse. Okay enough bullcrap! Just like a woman KNOWS when another woman is trying to worm her way in, a guy can tell when a guy is, too! Be smart though, if you start making demands, your girl might start rebelling and thinking you are going to be too controlling and that she is making a mistake by marrying you. That is exactly what this other dude wants, and he will be all to happy to be there to console her. She may truly have zero feelings for him besides friendship, but the idea that you don't trust her will push her away. So, keep your guard up with him, but be the opposite with her. The more you act all macho and like her father, the less attracted she will be to you. This other guy is fulfilling something you have not been doing, which is probably on an emotional level. Start really listening to her and supporting her emotionally, and she will start moving away from him and toward you again. He is not who she wants, you are. You need to start reassuring her that you are capable and willing to be everything to her and that she will not be losing anything by marrying you.

This is not that unusual. A lot of really immature guys can act this way and it is confusing for the girl. Do not be taken in by this attention after school. The guys are most likely trying to impress each other by being jerks and too cool for you at school, and by being mean, they are trying to wear down your self-esteem. After school, they figure they can manipulate you further by using you now that they have put you down and hurt your self-esteem. Get it? Some abusive people treat other people and animals in this way as a method of manipulation. Gangs use violence as an extreme form of this to break someone down and gain loyalty, horse-trainers will break a horse by physically abusing the animal and this is what these boys are doing in a sense. You need to stand up for yourself at school and after school. Do not let yourself be disrespected or used by any of these lame jerks! In the future you will find guys that really like you for you and would never want to hurt you or use you. These fools need to be ignored and if they continue to harass you, you need to speak up to your teachers, parents and authorities.

Sticky situation for sure, but it is probably more about how hard you would take a possible rejection than anything. Be prepared to handle that and be okay with it first. The Holidays will be hard if this does not go well. You don't want to risk it unless you are a strong enough gal to still be friends if he rejects you. If you really are, then by all means tell him you will miss him and have feelings for him. He should be at least flattered. Just take it slow, and reveal yourself a bit at a time to get a feel for how he is taking it all in. Even if he just wants to be friends, he may change his mind later on in life if you don't go crazy on him and remain a good friend. Sometimes it takes a guy a while to realize a good thing is right in front of them.

Pretty rude thing to presume, or even ask I think. Tell him that he is a pig and can make his own pork chop if ya know what I mean.

Whether or not you consider yourself to be pretty, ugly or somewhere inbetween is only part of your issue. While beauty is subjective, we all know that cultures have their standards and we are all somewhat categorized and judged. What is pretty one year is ugly the next, or what is handsome in one country is detestable in another. Throughout the decades beauty standards change considerably for males and females. The issue you really need to deal with is self-acceptance. We all go through periods of self-criticism, but you need to open your eyes a bit bigger than your own reflection. You will then see that perspectives are diverse beyond your own feeling at the moment. Some people happen to meet the current definition of outer beauty, but if this is all they have to offer, their beauty is like a perfect eggshell containing a rotten yolk. No one wants to be around them for a length of time. Plain looking people can become increasingly desirable if they have magnetic personalities, charismatic characters and wit and humor. Not looking at someone in the eye is rude and may be taken as an insult. You need to have respect for yourself and the person you are talking to. It is not all about how you or I look. The world does not need more beauty queens. If you can change something, than do it, but if you cannot, then concentrate on more worthwile things that need changing in this life. Look in the mirror right now and really look into your own eyes. This is the person you are, deep inside your soul. This person is valuable and has something great to offer this world, so don't get in this person's way!

Be patient. Think only about yourself and your daughter right now. You cannot change anyone but yourself, and you need to concentrate on setting appropriate limits. He has been having his cake and eating it too. It is somewhat normal to have an occasional fantasy, but what is devastating is when someone loses the grasp of reality or is willing to trade a great reality for a fantasy. This other girl is just a fantasy. They do not pay bills together or have a real relationship with all the strings attached. He could be doing this because he is overwhelmed with responsibility and does not have the maturity and skills to cope in a healthy way. He most likely needs counseling alone as well as marriage counseling, and I would suggest that to him. Love is a choice, and he is choosing to be selfish and take care of only his selfish need right now. She is not more desireable than you, she is just less real, and that is all he is willing to have right now, a very unreal and selfish kind of love, which is not love at all. He does not love her, he is using her and she will find that out eventually. Keep me posted if you need anything else. I am here to support you.

I love the mirror idea! Also, you could ask him his advice on who he thinks would make a good boyfriend for you. Tell him what you like in a guy, and of course you will be describing all of his characteristics!

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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