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Unplanned pregnancy and my boyfriend is freaked out
My boyfriend (30yrs) and I (28yrs) met in Australia and I moved to Ireland to be with him, we have only been together (officially) for a year. I found out we were pregnant the other day and whilst I am scared and nervous about it I want to have the baby as I feel we are strong enough to get make it happen and abortion is not an option in my mind. My boyfriend said he will support me what ever I decide but I know he is freaked out by it. I have tried talking to him and I understand his fears. He is worried about finances and that our 1/2 renovated house is not child suitable but I think his biggest worry is that is life of going to clubs and festivals during the summer will be over for ever and he will be chained to the couch for ever. I have tried to tell him life will change but its not the end of his life and things will be different. I asked him if the option was there of an abortion would he want that and he said yes he would. This really hurts me as I dont believe in abortion and I am ready for a baby in some way I am actually excited and would have liked it to have been a planned pregnancy and a mutually wanted baby. Later he came back and said he doesn't want me to have an abortion but he is not sure about me having it. What am I meant to do have half a baby and half of an abortion?? What do I do? Do i give him time to get used to the idea? I dont want him to feel forced into this and him become resentful? Do I just go home to Australia and leave him to his party life? (which really aint that party hard anyway). We are a strong strong very happy and in love couple but I dont want to force this on him but then it was the two of us that got pregnant, why am I meant to feel like I am forcing this on him?? oh its all so confusing? can he go to any decent websites for advice on this stuff? I have checked ou a few sights about girlfirends getting pregnant but they are all for younger guys?
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Take a deep breath. There, now first of all it sounds like you both are just getting over the shock of the pregnancy. It is totally normal to be nervous, scared and confused about the unknown. However, this is your decision alone. Once he has implanted the sperm and impregnated you, the decision is yours alone on whether or not you want to carry to term and give birth to the baby. He will then have legal and moral obligations to his child. It sounds like you have already made up your mind and are just wondering if he is going to man up to the decision along with you and become a responsible partner and father. This is not something I can guess on better than you. At 30 yrs. old, most men start wanting to leave behind the clubbing, and boozing and start growing up, but does that sound like your guy? Having a child is a huge deal, but not the end of life...just the end of life as you know it. A child will limit mostly your time more than his due to biological needs of the baby and you being the mommy will most likely give up more than he has to. You are at a great age to be a mother, and you have proved that you and your guy have a long term relationship and plan on continuing one even if you did not get pregnant. I would not leave him, and he will get used to the idea of you having his baby more and more as you blossom before his eyes and he is a part of the transition. Babies are actually not as needy materially as the commercial media would have us believe, and the basics for caring for a child do not need to cost a great deal. A safe and loving home that can provide food, warmth, security and stability will be the ideal setting for any child. Do you have the ability to create a home for this child with or without the father? Everyone wants the perfect situation, but few ever have it and the baby is born smiling up at you regardless. Many responsible parents still go out and have a great time now and then and party with friends. Babysitters and friends and family help facilitate having a life and you and he can trade off nights to stay home with the baby while the other goes out with friends once in a while. My point is that if you are prepared to give to and love the child above all else, and can provide a stable environment, then the rest will take care of itself. You and he can still have fun and as parents you may find that you have more fun with the baby then you did playing overgrown teenagers at the clubs. You did not force this on him, you both created the situation and the pregnancy together, so stop feeling guilty! Thank God for "mistakes" or "unplanned pregnancies", because millions of us, including myself have come into this world because of them!
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Having lived in Ireland myself and marrying an Irish man, here is my take. While much of the culture is perceived to be drinking and carousing the reality is that at the heart of it most Irish men want women who are strong, and capable. Give him some time to digest this but don't let him off the hook either. Tell him that while yes it's unplanned it is a reality that he needs to deal with, it is not a question of you forcing this on him unless you forced him to have sex. He needs to step up he is scared as I am sure you are as well but this is reality. Men are as a rule a little slower then us at digesting information.
While having a child changes things beyond comprehension, in Ireland esp. it does not mean the end of all you know, I remember the first time I was in my local and saw a woman breast feeding while having a few bevvies at the same time. This is the norm there point out to him that this is the next step, try and stick it out and don't go back to Australia until you give a life as a family a solid 200% shot.
If you need to talk/advice on anything pregnancy etc... from one who has been there with an Irishman let me know!
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If you really feel you two can't handle it, put the baby up for adoption. You don't have to take car of it and you don't have to kill it eiether. Just another option. O and im jw private message me back on this, did you two use protection at all?
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He's 30 years old. He's got to grow up sometime. Does he plan on partying until he's 50? I'm not sure of the culture, but I would imagine that most of the partiers are under the age of 30. He can still go out every once in awhile, he's not going to have to be "chained to the couch" with the baby 24/7. That's an unrealistic view of the situation. As with anyone, if he's responsible enough to be having sex he needs to be responsible enough to deal with any of its consequences. He is. He just doesn't want to. That's not a bad thing. It was unplanned and unexpected. I think that since your relationship is very strong that things will work out. Right now, he's just acting out of shock. Give it time. If, after you have the baby, he is still acting this way, reconsider your decision, but for now, stay with him. It's best for everyone, even him. Good luck. :)
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hey, i wouldnt leave him with this party life. if you feel that you guys are strong and are ready for the baby, give him the time to get used to the idea. since you guys werent playing this, it was probably very shocking to him. tell him that you dont believe in abortion and that is basically just not an option for you. there is always having the baby, then putting it up for adoption. that way a family can have it and love it, instead of killing the baby. have a long serious talk with him about the whole situation.
-missadvicebitch1
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