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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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All this week (It's Thursday now), I've had nonstop vaginal discharge. I recently turned 13. In the beginning, it was a regular brown but now it's dark brown and kind of red... It won't stop and I'm just really scared and don't know what to do. I've been putting toilet paper THERE and it's really red and brown the next time I check. What should I do? My mom knows about it and she said it might be that I'm getting my first period, but... Should it be this bad?

Also, when will it stop?

Yup, its safe to bet that you're about to get your first period. Your body is used to doing this yet. and even in the future, periods delayed due to stress and illness will result in the same things.
You can have easily two weeks of spotting the sticky dark brown stuff, like the color of dried old blood. The fact that theres some fresh bright red mixed in means this is your period, or will become your period. As a teen my periods were anything but normal. The length of time one lasted, or the time in between periods or the type of flow I had, varied all over the place. For me, as a teen a period sometime was nothing but a 3 to 5 to 7 days of light spotting, the next month a normal flow and then back again. As a year or two go by it will become more regular, predictable and have its own normal pattern, whatever is normal for you.
The discharge of clear liquid is your bodys natural cleansing system kicking into gear trying to clean the vagina out in between periods and since you haven't quite started, perhaps its all happening at once. Start wearing panty liners, change them as often as needed and always have a pad with you where ever you go in case a steady flow starts. An extra pair of panties carried in your purse may be a good idea. I did that. Sometimes the panty was already soiled before I realized I had started and half the time I was at school, work, out running errands, not at home.
Don't worry. Its normal. I want to post a few videos by a gal just 10 yrs older than you who has been putting out videos on the topic of sexuality and relationships since high school. One will be on all the period products available today and others on how to keep clean down there. No soap or douches as you will see...

CLEANING VAGINA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6oKSz-IBSs&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLTXiNEUzXWKTOhoUZWMcXY2vVQs7NwCxq

PERIOD HATE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1x5xvHmhqo

PERIOD PRODUCTS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_616334&feature=iv&src_vid=e1x5xvHmhqo&v=Ualuem6zFT0

Hello to everyone who reads this. It's going to be long. Sorry about that.

I'm a girl who just turned 18 this July of 2013 and I have been having to deal with the issues I've had with my step-dad for five years now. Well, I guess not counting the two years I went to live with my biological father...so I guess three years. Almost four counting this year.

Moving on...I just can't bring myself to get along with him. We don't argue on a daily basis or anything, but when we do have a disagreement, it's heated and he always ends up being the one to break off the conversation and walk away. I never cuss at him or swing at him or anything like that, but he will occasionally cuss at me or cuss out my family members. (I don't consider him my family) I use non-vulgar language and try keeping my voice calm and collected, but sometimes when I'm really emotional or passionate about a certain subject, I will raise my voice or end up crying. I rarely cry in front of him though (or anyone for that matter) because to me...It's a sign of weakness, and I don't want him to feel like he's won anything. I like to walk away feeling like the person didn't get to me, but if I have to, I will cry somewhere in private, usually in my room. Once in a blue moon I don't make it to the safety of privacy.

Our heated conversations that have occurred over these past couple of years are usually over me, my mother, and my sister living there. He complains that my mother doesn't make enough money at the job she works at right now. She's currently enrolled in school to get her aesthetics certification, but for now she's only working as a self-practiced massage therapist. He complains about how me, my little sister, and my mother don't do enough work around the house in order to earn our keep. He's called my little sister a, "lazy cow" "stupid cow" and a "bitch," yet when I try to tell him, during one of our conversations, that he has characteristics of an emotional narcissist, not even a full blown narcissist, but CHARACTERISTICS of a narcissist,and he chewed me out for it.

The base of the story is that my step-dad and my mother met when my mother left me and my sister in her brother's care while she took a week off work to visit one of my aunts who rented a room in his home. He found her attractive and they talked over the phone for three months after she came back. He told her he was going to kick out my aunt and allow us to move in with him, so we did. Before we moved in, me, my mom and my little sister were all living off my mother's twelve dollar an hour work wage, so we were far from wealthy. My mom was driving around in her eight year old, beat up Kia Sophia car, and me and my younger sister were wearing clothes that were bought for us two years ago. My step-dad made and still makes fifty dollars an hour working for Boeing, so there was a big money barrier there. In his eyes, he took us in out of the kindness of his heart and for love. In my eyes, he took us in because we'd be easy to control because of our situation. He had the money, we didn't, so we had to please him or we'd be out.

The day we moved in, I was 13 and my sister was 11 years old. The minute we'd brought all of our bags in from the car and me and my sister took a seat in the living room, my step-dad grabbed my mother into his arms and gave her a sloppy french kiss, then looked at me and my sister as if to say, "I'm top dog here." Ever since then...I...hated...his...guts. A month after we'd moved in, he and my mother decided to get married. He bought her a new car (in his name), enrolled her into massage school like she wanted, bought us all new clothing, and took us out to eat, and had lots, and lots of loud sex with my mother for that first year. Sure, I made nice with him for most of the time up until the day he made my little sister pack her bags and leave to live with my biological dad who's crazy and definitely a full blown narcissist. They'd got into a fight over my step-dad trying to control everyone in the house as well as the fact that my sister thought he only emotionally cared for our mother and not us. He'd told my mother that he wasn't going to put up with her kind of attitude in his house, so it was either him, or my little sister. To this day, he swears that it was my sisters choice to leave. Of course I went with her. I'm that little girl's mother figure in this world. I always have been. She even does call me mom sometimes, but only when our real mother isn't in the room. Otherwise she'll call me Bunny. It's my family nickname.

We'd had to come back after a couple of years because my biological father proved to be incompetent and unfit in the areas of caring for minors mentally and physically. My step-dad wasn't all that happy about it, but he played nice for a while because my mother had picked up her lovely habit of alcoholism when we'd left and had accused him of sending her babies away while we were gone. It was a selfish kind of being nice because without us...she really is a mess, she complains more often, is drunk all the time, and isn't really around and open for intimacy as much. Him being nice and more communicable with us made her happier, and I do believe that he likes to see her happy, but he never wanted kids. He never had kids before us. But, he learned the hard way that a mother comes along with her kids. It's a package deal.

Since we'd first came back he'd been on eggshells, but this past year and a half, he's been threatening to throw us all out of his house if we don't shape up our daily schedules. He's mainly pissed off about my mother's drinking habit, but from my observation, he hates when she drinks alone. He's a drinker and loves drinking. He get's drunk on his own, but when my mother does it and it's not o.k. He likes a woman who's a social drinker only. He's yelled at her when he finds out she's been drinking alone and says nasty things to her making her feel the need to hide out inside rooms and closets in the house.

But, the other problem is also the tidiness of the house. My mother's currently going to work and school, when she gets home, she's tired and naps before doing homework and then watching t.v. until she falls asleep drinking her tall cup of juice and vodka. She doesn't really have time to clean and prepare and etc. My sister goes to school during the day and has homework when she comes home then likes to relax for a little while before doing anything, but she does help around the house. Her jobs are to alternate between doing the dishes, vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning the bathroom as well as her room. I just graduated from high-school not but a few months ago, and I'm already up early in the morning to clean up after my sisters morning messes before she goes to school. My other chores are taking out the trash, trimming the yard bushes outside when needed, taking out and sorting the recycle, washing the two dogs once every two weeks, as well as alternating between the chores my little sister has as well.

In the midst of all this I am currently filling out resumes and going to interviews for future jobs and getting calls from and visiting future colleges I'd like to attend. Among all this, my step-dad still has things to complain about such as, "the chores aren't being done often enough," "your spending too much time doing nothing rather than getting stuff done," I don't know what the hell he wants from us! He figures that because he works nine hours a day and makes the most money, he gets to come home and do practically nothing, but sit upstairs and watch t.v! I respect the fact that he takes care of most everything financially, but it doesn't give him the right to treat us like we're less competent of a person than he is. This is what me and him have been arguing about lately as well as the fact that he's just emotionally detached from me and my sister...but I really don't care about that part anymore.

I don't have a drivers license, only a permit, because to my step-dad it costs too much money for right now. If he had it his way, I'd never get it. Anything that has to deal with me being able to get out into the world on my own, my step-dad will fight it, but act like he's not fighting it. It's very hard to explain what I mean by that, it's one of those things you have to see or experience to get. But that's how he is with lots of thing we need anyway. I have to walk or ride my bike almost everywhere I want to go and need to go. I have no way of making money at this point because I don't have a job yet, but when I get one...I want to be out of here as soon as possible. Which brings me to the fact that my step-dad has given us all three months before he decides whether we're worthy of staying with him anymore. He's giving us three months because in three months is when my mother graduates from her aesthetics course in school. Me and my sister are still keeping up on our chores trying to keep him pleased, but I can't take his attitude about my family. I don't really talk to him unless he speaks to me first, but otherwise, I stay away from him and his weirdness.

The worst part about the entire thing is that he only told me about the fact that we'd have to be preparing to leave during one of our disputes. He told me that I couldn't tell my mother because he didn't want her freaking out before finishing school. I broke the promise that I never made in the first place and told her as well as my little sister. My mom's in denial and has been going about day to day like nothings going to happen. My little sister is out advertising herself for a job so that hopefully if we needed to we could hold ourselves up together because the truth is...if we do get booted out, my mother doesn't get enough clients going through her door to make enough money to support the three of us. She'd barely have enough to support herself. My sister would be put into foster-care if we couldn't find a relative other than our biological dad for her to live with, and because I'm 18, I'd just be out on the streets unless I could get a decent job or find someone that would take me in as well. Our options for other family members are slim, so the thought of having to leave, especially this soon is scary. I definitely don't want to be separated from my sister, I'd want to be able to take care of her myself.

I'd told my mother in the beginning, around a week after she'd married the flippin' jerk that their relationship would not work out for the better. I saw something like this would come about, but I'd never imagined that it would be in such a drastic way. I don't know what I'm expecting by posting this...I just don't understand why the guy acts the way he does. He acts as if he's the most perfect person in the world and everyone else is the one with the problems and imperfections. If things don't go the way he planned, he gets angry and threatens, and scolds. I question myself all the time about why he took in our family who didn't start out with much. So, that he could bring us up only to bring us further down than we were before? Some sort of twisted joke he holds inside himself? It feels as if he wanted us here to have someone to praise him and provide maid service. Since we've all been arguing a lot about the way he handles things, he doesn't want us around anymore...it's super frustrating.

At this point, I could care less about him. I just want to make sure that my real family is safe and stable if we have to leave. My mother says she loves my step-dad and is doing everything in her power to please him and make him want her. My little sister does what she has to do because I've told her to keep on the down-low with her feelings and keep up on keeping our step-dad semi-happy until we know we can get out of here fine. I am just trying to find the quickest route out of here for me and my sister, but our situation is very confining especially since he has taken care of most everything financially for so long. To no longer have that support will be a big change really fast and not a good one in our case.

Sorry, again for this being so long and confusing. Any suggestions on how I can help soften the blow that has been thrown upon my family would be nice if you can muster some useful advice. Thanks for reading my long essay if you did. I will appreciate your answers.

You don't have to apologize, all of your detail was needed. First paragraph, I wondered if you were just an argumentative teen, but in the details that unfolded, I can see that you are the stable, mature and mentally healthy one in the bunch as far as adults are concerned. I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I would have to agree that most of your judgements are probably right on. Whether the mental illness is exactly Narcissism or not, any mental illness is going to be devastating on the people around someone like that.
This hits home for me. I was married 30 yrs to a man who had mental illness which slowly got worse over the years. We became friends with a neighbor couple who were always over at our house...almost as if they lived there. My husband just loved them...maybe cus he could relate, the husband was narcissistic and the wife was someone like your mom. I was the only strong sane one. The last straw for me was when the neighbor guy started ordering me around and I wasn't even his wife! My marriage had been suffering. I stayed sane through all the years due to my faith in God. I had a close conversational relationship with Spirit, so where I lacked any kind upbuilding words from husband, I got it from God. But even tho I could keep mentaly sane, the stress of such a life took its toll on my body. God told me to leave because at that point if I didn't I'd be dead in 4 years from the stress due to heart attack or cancer. I left. Even as an adult, my pitiful salary wasn't going to support me and I wanted to get reasonably far enough away so he couldnt come after me. Went to live a year out of state.
I can relate to your mom too. I believe she is drinking because part of her is very unhappy with her situation and with him but she also doenst feel strong enough to leave.
The fact that your bio. dad was the same and she left him shows that she has some lesson to learn in life that can best be learned by having a narcissistic or mentally ill man in her life. For me, it was learning to love myself enough to not subject myself any further to such treatment. No human deserves to be treated that way. The reason such people come into our lives is to give us an opportunity for us to grow in strength and character and actually learn something that betters us as a person. I am willing to bet thats what your mom was meant to learn and up to presnet day, she isn't figuring it out or her mindset is that she somehow doesn't deserve any better. What gets me though is that she seemed to be learning it when she left your dad. However, we all get tested later so that we can know we really learned the lesson. I got tested. When dating after the ex, there was a guy who ended up being narcissistic. He and I had been sharing an apt. and he got mad because I wouldn't allow him to control me so he left me stranded with an apt I couldn't afford. So either I fail the test and beg him to come back and allow myself to go under his control just to have a roof over my head, or face being homeless. I found one male friend who would let me stay for free until I could save up enough for 1nst and last to get into my own cheaper place. The good thing is, I didn't cave in as your mom did, and because I passed the test, two month later, I met the man who became my husband. He is loving and supportive, no mental illness. etc....

Why I tell you this is that some day, your mom may wake up and leave him. But no one can tell her that. That has to come from inside her. So, in short, I'm saying that at this point in time you can't rely on her for any help, but then I think you already know that.
Your sister can not be kicked out because she is under legal age and the laws of this country will make sure your mom is forced to keep her.
However, no matter what the law says, there are people in the state of minds where they will break the law, so your sister could easily still get kicked out and abandoned or left with other unscrupelous adults.
And what about yourself?
What ever happened to your aunt? Is she employed and does she have a place to live? Do you have any other living relatives, even if they don't live close. If you two girls had to move several states away to be taken care of, then so be it. You may have to be the one to do all the foot work and check up with people.
You said your sis already sees you as a mom figure, and I know that in the past, there have been siblings of legal age who were able to legally become the guardian of the siblings. You may not be able to do it alone but it may be manageable if you were living with a relative other than dad, mom or step dad, and basically be renting a bedroom from them to share with your sis. You could also call CPS in your area ahead of time and ask what recourses you have if the two of you are kicked out in a couple months. Bring them up to date on the details. Include how bio dad wasn't seen to be fit to have custody and how step dad isn't any better but mom is with him and allows him to call all the shots which pretty much excludes mom in the consideration of who is looking after the childrens welfare.
Only problem is as long as food clothing and shelter has been provided, verbal abuse and threats and fighting isn't enough necessarily for them to take your sister out of there.
You might try talking to her school counselors and asking what agencys they can think of that might be able to help the both of you. Since you are an adult, I wonder if you'd qualify for help through womens shelters. It wouldn't hurt to give them a call and if they can't help, ask them what agency you might be able to turn to. You are going to need some help and support to be able to get on your feet and get a job, your drivers license, etc... I'd try other relatives first tho.
I really feel for you dear. Keep in touch throughout the future and let me know how its going for you.

Me and my neighbor started talking again like 3 weeks ago but we only talked like 3 times and then i went to his youth group and he totally ignored me. Should i message him on Facebook or should i just keep ignoring him like he is ignoring me? I was told to just send him "." and say it was on accident. Should i do that? o.O Also i like him and ive known him for about 8 years and we used to be best friends!

What a perfect opportunity to learn more about how guys think, what their actions or words actually mean to them, not how you guess at them or interpret them. A female is not going to know how to understand a guy automatically and the only place to really learn, is from a guy.
So tell him there's some things that in your mind you don't understand and since you've known each other a long time and been friendly, you want to ask him cus it might help you understand men better. What you are interpreting as him ignoring you may not be whats going on. There will be in his mind a different but logical reason for his actions that may or may not have anything to do with you.
Don't do any silly stuff on facebook.
Just ask him in person...he's a neighbor so it must be easy to go see him for a face to face chat.
Guys will eventually learn over time from girls what things they say or do that make a girl think they're made at you, tired of you, needing their space...etc... in the meanwhile the only way to know is ask.
Good luck.

Hii .... 14/F. I got this song on my computer and it was about a girl who's dad has died.* so here's my story... When I was 3 years old my mom and dad got divorsed because my dad is a alcoholic and he was allways like abousing us and most of the time we slept lockked up in the bathroom*..* so my mom met my stephdad and we bacame very lose bacause I never had a dad when I was 10 he died of cancer...* it was so bad I had to get help.* it worked but someyimes I just really miss my stephdad..* and I don't want to cry bacause my mom don't really understand why I'm crying..* I really miss him..* what should I do? And there's no one I can talk to..*

Not many teens will openly share about deep things like this so there may be others grieving a loss like you too. Since you said there was no one you could talk to, the idea came to me that the solution is to find teens in the same situation as you, to talk to cus of anyone, they will understand the best. I have lost both parents but it didn't happen when i was a teen so even I am not the best to understand what its like for you. Sometimes when we are hurting, if nothing else has helped yet, the best thing we can do is take the focus off ourselves and think of others. There must be other teens who need someone to talk to.
Sooo start an online support group for teens grieving the loss of someone. It may be easier for them to talk to someone on line than to someone in person. If you reach out to someone else who is hurting, you will be blessed in return.
Know that all loved one that go before you, you will see again one day on the other side, in Heaven.

What is your favorite memory of a grandparent or elderly friend?

This is one of many questions directed at us, not asking for advice so I assume this is the same person. If you are bored and have nothing else to do, start thinking of others and what you can do for them. Does a sibling need help with something. Offer to help a parent with something, or if your're older, get involved in some volunteer work in the community.

What is your very first memory you can remember?

We're here to give advice, not answer questions about ourselves.
Are you writing a paper for school and needing to gather information from random people for use in making a point?
If so, be more specific as to why you are asking and perhaps some of us would be glad to give our answers

Ok I'm been thinking that I'm going to die with a terrible disease and fear I'm going to be sick or lost a part of my body I'm crying everyday please help...my body hurts and my hair falls freaks me out because I think I have a terrible disease I always thought you could only die at an old age or for a serious illness It's possible to die without a disease and. Die old? I mean my great grandma lived 100 years could walk was healthy her story is weird she died while she fell in the floor I mean it was fast o blood she just died...please help me I even have had suicidal thoughts I want it to stop please im crying...

If your hair comes out in chunks, its due to the stress that you're putting yourself under with all this worry. The hair falling out syndrome is call Alopecia and though many possible causes can be listed, with the way you'r feeling, I think I could safely state it is very likely because of the stress.
Stress will cause other things to go wrong with your body. Without the stress, you won't have these symptoms or illnesses at all. Stress will cause stomach ulcers, heart conditions, skin rashes to come and go on your skin, grinding of teeth in your sleep, insomnia, thats a list of various different conditions and the list goes on.
So it would seem natural to realize its best not to stress out over worrying about what ifs.
Do you know where any of our emotions and feelings come from? It comes from our subconscious mind. Its all feelings, good ones of joy and peace but sadness, anxieties and fear and anger. Your awake mind, may want this all to stop, but unless your subconscious mind is dealt with, you're not going to see any relief.
As to why your subconscious mind is doing this, its' anybodys guess. I do have a belief in past lives and have read peoples stories of un natural fears or an ache in a leg that doctors could find no reason for. The ache in the leg person saw a hypnotist who dealt with taking a person back in time to the point at which it may have been caused . Under hypnosis, instead of going back in this lifetime, she went back to a previous lifetime where as a child she played with the door handle of a horse drawn carriage, fell out and the back wheels went over her leg causing a painful break that never healed right. Her subconscious mind somehow never let the memory of this incident go so she felt it in this life.
Others have found related incidences of fears in this life with no reason for them to be fears started in a past life. A person with unnatural fear of snakes, or of being in water or on it, had past lives where they died from a snakebite or drowned and the memory somehow was not let go for this life. Since it sounds like you may still be young, you'll have to convince parents to take you to a hypnotist. Hypnotists are commonly seen to stop a bad habit or get rid of phobias, unnatural fears.
No matter what is causing it, as I said the subconscious must be told that you are healthy and there is no reason to worry and told to see yourself as healthy and able to live to 100 like great grandma. Since it includes suicidal thoughts, they may want to have you see a counselor. There's isn't anything you can do without professional help because this isn't an occasional fear where you can just work on stopping and catching poor stinking thoughts and replace them with the opposite good ones. This sounds a lot more serious. A counselor may help but in most cases from people I know and have talked to, counselings was a hit and miss thing, it doesnt necessarily go for the subconscious mind,they try to get you to work on your problems only with your conscious mind. So if you can talk em into getting you in to see a hypnotist, thats a better place to start. just one or two sessions may fix the problem. If not, you can always still go for traditional counseling.
Feel free to show my answer to your parents.

ok so i became friends with this guy a few weeks ago before school started. I sort of admitted to myself Thursday/Friday that i liked him. I think he was flirting with me today, I'm not sure.

So i was on my way to 3rd period (music) when i felt someone shove my backpack not in a rude way but like a "I want your attention!" sort of way. i turned around and saw him, he smiled/waved and took a different route to the same class. and he poked me a few times.

But today at lunch i was walking with him to lunch and we sat down with out friends. I left for a little bit with a girl friend to talk and came back and he was gone. I asked his friend where he went and he said he thought my crush went to go find us. I was sitting down and felt a pair of hands around my waist and squeeze gently. Causing me to squeak. I turned around and he was laughing/smiling at me. He was standing next to the group but next to me more particularlly.

So does he like me? Or flirting? I don't know, Advice would be appreciated!

There are certain signals that a person, male or female will give off if they are attracted to someone and the next level of interest which is talking to and reaching out to touch...flirting is included in this level. This is the stage at which a person is letting the other person know they like them...at least enough to get to know them better and the only way to do that is to hang out a lot together and start dating...not the go out to dinner and movies only but spending more quality time together.

Flirting is one of the signs that someone likes you and is done by what a person says to you, facial expressions such as winking, and touching such as in poking at your backpack or putting his hands on your waist.
Body language is a big one, they made great efforts to get close to you. When any person is approached by someone, we either let them into that magical circle around us that no one can see but we can feel their presence, or if they get too close and we don't like them, we take a couple steps back. If a person comes to stand at arms length away, it is a position where its easy for either of you to reach out and touch the other, considered a vulnerable position unless you trust and really like the other. I will attach links to an article on body language and one on how girls can flirt by breaking the touch barrier. He's done it with you, so if you like him, its your turn to reciprocate.
What can you say to him? Something like; " I like it when you hang around me, I was thinking it might be nice to get to know each other better as friends." And if you're comfortable enough add this last piece. "And we can see where it naturally goes from there." None of it puts any pressure on him or sounds like you have expectations but lets him know you like his attention so that will encourage him to move ahead with you.

http://www.kissmegoodnight.com/relationship-advice/read_romantic_body_language.shtml

http://www.wikihow.com/Touch-a-Guy

I have never had a job in my life, apart from working for my grandparents on the weekend, doing yard work and helping fix houses and stuff. My mom has been paying for my college and an apartment for me for the past two years. She pays for my car insurance, cell phone, pretty much everything except my power bill, food (most of the time), gas for my car, and my internet.

In another two quarters I will be out of school. By this time, I want to be 100% self-sufficient. I want to have a job in graphic design (or something along those lines). I possibly want to move away from here. I know that I'll miss my family and that they'll miss me, but I believe that getting a fresh start will be good for me. I don't have very many friends here anyways.

Any advice for me? What are some steps I should take?

Any field is hard to get into today in this economy and job market. NOt trying to dash your dreams.
But to believe in 2 quarters that you may successfully get employed the instant you graduate is more dream than reality. Then once employed you will need to start saving up money for what deposit, first and last months rent is to just get into an apartment of your own. Look right now at what the average rent is out there, not just basing it on what yours was, then make a list of expenses that your mom and you covered between you. Lets say the list of things to cover comes up to 1,500 per month and includes a tight grocery budget but does not account for any extras like savings for emergencys, a dead car battery, shoes fall apart, etc..not to mention non edible household needs, cleaners, tp personal care products. Furnishing your first place can be done low cost if you utilize 2nd hand stores for things like a working lamp, dining table, dishes.
Anything like upholstered furniture, you may want to look at Craigs list for. My daughter found almost brand new 3 piece living set when some rich people decided to redecorate. ANd best part it was free. She got all her baby furniture later, same way, for free.

So as you see, there's things you can do to make it work to be on your own. But it all needs a job.
So what will give you the edge. My husband has a daughter in school studying CG and she's good but what she has been doing throughout the years of her schooling is first to volunteer for free to help companies design the next computer game graphics. Now she's also got a pt job besides schooling where she gets paid 10. an hour...not much, but she is at least gaining experience that can go on resumes once she finishes end of this year. While mom is still supporting you and income is not critical, I would suggest you might find a place (in graphic design field)to offer to work for free or low pay in exchange for the experience. When you get the job, treat it as if you were earning $30.00 per hour....put your all into it, do your very best, listen to what they tell you and learn. You may need to be able to give examples of your work. My ex had a graphic arts degree when we married. That was over 30 yrs ago. He couldn't get into the field so he ended up working in a companies mail room before he decided to go back to school for a degree in a totally different degree. If you come up against the obstacle of not finding any work in your field, then take any job that will pay enough to cover your bills. You may to advertise you are looking for a roommate to share costs. Not a single one of my daughters, all hard workers, has been able to make it entirely on their own, they''ve always needed a roommate to share rent cost so theres enough free money to put gas in the car and food in their stomachs. And even so, there are times they have no gas money...one is counting up all her change from tips and paying a few dollars worth of gas in change just to make it one more day to work, the next day she'll need more gas. The real world is not easy.All I've said so far won't prepare you for reality.But you'll get a slap of reality once you're out there on your own. It's not easy for those of us with many years of experience in jobs behind us, and the maturity of years to know how to manage a tight budget. It gets to be a drag real quickly when you find you can't afford to even go out to a movie once in a while or buy yourself a bottle of wine or go out to eat cus that money is needed to pay part of your cell bill or put gas in the car. And if you do those tiny splurges and they add up so you can't afford to pay the cell bill, your phone gets shut off. I have one daughter who pays her bills just fine when employed but in recent years has found herself unemployed several times, jugglings two pt jobs, losing one and the bills didn't get paid. She'd write me on facebook asking me to call her cus she could not make calls since she couldnt pay her bill but found out she could still recieve calls. The cell companies still make money from those who call you I guess. You have a great goal for yourself, don't lose sight of it. But to expect it will fall into place the moment you're out of school is just a fairytale dream.

hey,
i babysit these four kids and they never listen to me. what should i do? fromhelpless

Even if kids listen to their own parents, they will always try to get away with things try to be bad with a babysitter to see what you'll allow them to get away with. I got that often with a new client. The first time would be awful the second time better.
Even two year olds can figure this out so what you tell the kids is:
I don't know what your mom and dad let you get away with but they gave me these rules for you. they said you have to .......
Besides, their rules, I have some rules of my own for you. I expect you to do something I ask you to do the first time I ask, You will treat me nicely, that means no hitting or talking mean to me, and you will keep the house as clean as it looked when your parents left.
If you don't follow my rules, I will never come back. And that means you guys are gonna miss out cus I am one of the funnest babysitters there are.

(that usually gets their attention) Then I can tell them what I am willing to do with them. My thing was origami. The kids loved watching me make creations and their favorite was the paper cube or paper balloon. I might bring a bottle of bubble with extra wands and tell them I had to hold the bottle so it didnt spill but they could dip in the bottle I held and blow bubbles, another simple thing is teaching them to snap their fingers or whistle if they cant yet, you'll come up with simple ideas. Once they know what they stand to lose out on they will begin to behave with you. Maybe...just maybe at a later point they will test you again but thats it. Once a 4 yr old girl ran back into the house quickly from the deck and locked the door on me and wouldnt reopen it. I stayed calm. If worst case she never reopened it, I would still be there and tell the parent s and she would be the one to get in trouble. It must have taken 10 minutes. I think she wanted to see me freak out which I didnt. I told her I liked her very much and I liked doing fun things with her. And maybe she thought this was a fun thing to do too and lock me out. Yes, its funny. But what if mom and dad walked in the door right now and saw what you were doing. They would never leave the house again and get a fun babysitter to come over. You would lose the chance to ever see me again. She thought about that a couple seconds and opened it up and I told her I would never tell her parents she did that because she realized she did something wrong and we didnt need to upset her parents. That wasnt why i didnt tell, nor that i was embarrassed, I wanted her to know i truly cared about her. Older kids are a bit harder but I found they liked word search puzzles or even if the family had jigsaw puzzles around. Find out what the kids like and work with that. If kids still don't behave at your 2nd visit. ..tell the parents exactly what they did, what you said to them and how they responded. If the parents have any real helpful tips give them one more try. But if you can tell the parents have no idea how to control their kids and do something like talk to them in a singsong voice saying Shawna, why weren't you a good girl for your babysitter like mommy asked...then your problem is the parents and theres nothing you can do for their out of control kids. Your own there to babysit not do a major character adjustment of each kid. and you may have to let the job go.

im on my period and i dont know how to put a tampon in and im reallyt scared!... can you help me??
p.s. does that mean i lose my virginity??

Oh boy...well first off, virgin and virginity are incorrect words because there is no way to verify if someone has had sex yet or not. Those words were created by men in a time when heirs to a property were an important matter and a man wanted to know if a child was really his or not. YOu see, they didnt have paternity tests. Someone came up with the silly notion that if a women bled a few drops of blood on her wedding night that she was a virgin. If she did not bleed, the man could divorce her, she was publicly shunned or worse, put to death. It is an old antiquated unrealistic notion.

Another unreal notion was that the woman had a hymen that a man popped when entering her the first time. If anything totally covered the vaginal opening, then how would the period flow get out, huh? The hymen is a tighter elastic piece of skin that will stretch out over time. It can slowly be stretched from use of tampons, your fingers or dildos and vibraters when masturbating. You need to become comfortable with your body your sexual organs, and begin to explore your sexuality on your own first. When you are old enough or ready to add sex with a male, it just another extension of exploring your sexuality.
Answer this question: Are two lesbians or two gay men who have sex regularly still virgins because they havent had a penis in a vagina yet? See? There is no point at which someone can say a person is still a virgin or not. Even oral sex only is still experiencing sex.
watch the following you tube video by laci green. Her you tube channal is all about sexuality and relationships,,geared for young people. Please save her page and watch all the others too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdYtYveJI1Y

i got my period just like 2 weeks ago and now when i get it i have large blood clots in my undies..what do i do about this? they look like freeking turds...plz help me!!
*lost*

The period 2 weeks ago...was it your very first one or are you just stating that 2 weeks after a period another one started and with heavier showing?

When I started I was very irregular. That can happen, periods weren't always heavy, some consisted of just spotting alot.

The spotting is not enough to get rid of the unneeded layer in your uterus that awaited a fertilized egg. Its a thick lining that sometimes comes out in thicker chunks that you might consider to be blood clots, but its piece of the actual lining
Most of it is discarded in just a bright red flow. If its delayed at first, it can be a more sticky pasty brown substance the color of old dried blood.

Any doctor will tell you that if you are experiencing any pain other than period cramps or the flow is extremely heavy every cycle, then they'll want to see you to put you on the hormonal bc pill to control that better or discover whats causing the pain.

If a period was delayed a long time and you finally get it, that period will usually always be heavier and longer lasting or more chunky than others. But theres no way to tell, it varied all the time with me. And that is normal.

Now I know this is disgusting and personal so embarrassing as well. . . but your mom is a female too...likely still gets her period and I'll bet if you could bring yourself to call her into the bathroom and show her a sample, she can verify if that is normal. And if it is not, you can bet she'll make sure to take you for an appointment. In the long run, its better to bite the bullet suffer the short bit of embarassment but end up with peace of mind. SO you dont worry and overthink this and lose sleep over it.

So I met a guy and we've been talking a lot recently and he seems almost perfect to me with so many qualities that I haven't seen in other guys. the thing is, he just got out of a relationship and of course, now's not the time to push anything for him. And I'm not 100% sure I want to be in a relationship now either. But what scares me is that, he's asked me, jokingly to help him find himself a new girl and I've told him, let me know who and I'll make the arrangements (in a playful way). Of course I don't ever want him to tell me he likes someone. But I suspect that maybe he might. Or maybe I'm overthinking. He's 23 and I'm 21. (nothing wrong with age, there) But the girl I think he might like, she's 19 and really pretty and is a lot like me, in terms of personality, etc (to him) I believe she's more attractive than me, so that's where I lose my confidence. He asked me one day, what I thought of her and I could just say that she's okay and is nice. He went on to tell me a story about her dad not liking him but now he does...idk? But I never got to fully ask him if he does like her but I'm afraid to because if the answer is yes, I'll be devastated. I'm sure this guy will be a guy my whole family will love. That's what makes him even more better than the rest. He's also very talented and educated. Beyond me. But that's what I adore. I know he's very busy in his life right now where his talents are concerned but I feel like, if he really wanted to be with someone, he can.
I guess I'm saying, I want him to not like anyone else, only me but I don't want us to be together right now. Is that normal? How do I get myself to stop overthinking? Sorry if my message is all over the place but I'm frustrated, as you can probably tell.

Devastated? thats an awfully strong word. I believe that could only be the case is if you were in love with him. And then you say you are not 100% sure you want to be in a relationship.
You're going to have to find out one way or the other if a guy is the most perfect match for you to end up in a committed relationship with for long term or for life.
The best way to find out is to spend more time with a person. You make sure to tell them from the start that you are hanging out and doing the dating thing only to find out how well you get along with a guy, if there is some spark and chemistry beyond the initial attraction of the first couple weeks or months. If you end up having deeper feelings, you make sure to tell him. If he doesnt feel the same way, it's time to split. Yes, the road to finding the right one is perilous with lots of heart aches and heart breaks but if you prefer to protect yourself from experiencing that, then you also will never meet the guy for you. So stop overthinking. Thoughts are always blown out of proportion.
As far as looks go, guys have different tastes in girls such as girls do with guys. If blondes are your thing, are you gonna find a freckled redhead just as sexy? Some guys find all women beautiful in their own way even if you as a female may think them plain or ugly. Some want the natural girl next door look. Some are drawn to curvy, others like tiny petite like me. And yet others want someone they wont feel they could crush easily and want the big bone heavy set woman. There's someone for everyone girl. As soon as you believe you will be able to attract just the guys who like your type of look, it will begin to happen. Although its a good sign if family will like a guy, you haven't really dated him. So as nice as he is, hang out enough to give it a chance...find out if theres a real strong romantic spark or not. Then after a couple months, re evaluate, is that spark still there? If not, he may not be right for you as nice as he is and as much as your family likes him. Remember, you're the one who has to live with him 24.7 long term if you stay together.

Some questions for you to ponder:
How do you know he was joking? Are you sure? Can you 100 % guarantee that he was not saying that to see what reaction he might get from you? He could be playfully hinting. Other than asking what you thought of the 19 yr old, Has he actually told you he wants to date the other girl next? If not, you may be coming to a lot of wrong conclusions. You can tell him you've always been interested in getting to know him better to see if there might be something between you, so you want to know if he is interested in the same level with you or would he rather look elsewhere.
If he says no to you. then all you guessing and agonizing over what ifs is over. But that means you are free to start looking elsewhere!!

I've had sleep paralysis since I was young. There were shadows in my room but they never did anything, I believe 4 or 3 to be exact.

I'm 19 now and the sleep paralysis (I want to call it that because I don't want to psych myself out) had gotten worse. there was one where i was trying to nap and I can't move and I'm laying in somewhat of a feudal position. So I'm laying there trying to get out and notice a girl in a long green dress just pass me, her hair is red and curly but I only saw her pass quite quickly. I was able to get out of the paralysis soon after.

The recent second this has happened has gotten more, scary, I wake up unable to move and I'm lying on my side when all of a sudden I feel as if something is sitting on top of me holding me down. I try to move but it's very difficult because another...thing...is holding me as if it's spoofing me from the back. I was able to actually push whatever was on top of me off and it falls of my bedonto the floor. At this point I managed to move my body away from the second thing and crop down to catch the first and notice it has claws and runs away quickly. I then proceed to say the Our Father and pray to God but this second thing grabs me and starts screeching in my ear and once I know it, a black figured face puts it's hands on my face, and pulls its face to mine and dissapears. At that point I was able to wake up.

The most recent one just happened right now as I type this, So I wake up and realize I'm in a paralysis again, this time I feel something a suffocating me, so I close my eyes and start praying to God, and I hear a woman's voice screeching "NOOO!" And then I hear a mans voice, his mouth close to my ear laughing and then screeching. My body starts to shake and I start saying, "God please help me." Then I wake up. Just like that. I even have a scratch on my arm. I do not believe these are hallucinations & a LOT of people go through this. This has happened to me when I'm just laying down in my room awake. I've even heard growling when I was praying. Can someone please tell me I'm over my head...if I'm not, how do I make them or it stop?

I see a demon ion my house before too, but no one believes me. I pray to god & I cry but they don't go away. I can hear evil voices

Hauntings can be of areas or of people.
Sometimes it sounds like you are in your details saying that you dreamed that you had woken but later say that you finally woke up which would indicate this was all in your dreams only and then it could be a possibility that your subconscious mind is generating this.

Go back and read what you wrote us, you say in each case that you woke up from sleep expereinced what you did and then you woke up. Either you were awake the first time or you weren't.
Are you really in bed sleeping when all this happens? or are you seeing and experiencing this while awake. Whats going on is going to determine what needs to happen to resolve this. Is your subconscious mind is strong enough to realistically create this all when you are asleep, you may want to find someone who is an expert at working with the subconscious. Hypnotherapists do that. The fastest way to find out if there are any dark, evil, demonic spirits or activity going on in your house or just attached to you, is to find a psychic or someone who advertises they work on healing hauntings, dealing with the paranormal, ghost hunters...that sort of thing. Someone who relies on more than equipment such as seen on TV shows, but a person with actual gifting to see angels, spirit guides, those who have passed on, ghosts, and demonic spirits, will be able to actually see them with their physical eyes and hear them with their real ears and have knowledge of how to deal with them.
If a real true psychic who specializes in helping get rid of hauntings comes over and cant detect anything...(they will if its attached to you) then it means its a mental issue.

I will say that in my church days, I met so many people in church who told me they saw demons. Since I left church and have broaden my spiritual beliefs, I find that in all the different beliefs, and all the people I have met, not a single one has ever seen demons or been plagued by what you are going through.
My own conclusion is that somehow, through the teachings and preachings of Hell and devil and demonic oppression, that Christians unknowingly begin to attract to them that which is foremost on their minds or their secret greatest fears. Its like having a neon sign blinking over their heads that attracts any dark energies to them. Only in Christianity do they believe in Hell. None of the other religions talk about hell and only this one life. They believe there is no Hell and that there is reincarnation, as many lives as needed to get it right. And these people are not having the problems that all my Christian aquaintences are having...I wonder if there is something to it. The story i am more apt to believe is that Lucifer-the devil as Christianity calls him, is actually in lock down, unable to control any of the other fallen angels or attack people. Hell is not real. If once you have matured enough as a soul to gain entrance to heaven and you are offered the ability to enter, many turn it down and believe they still are not worthy of it and God explains they will cease to exist if they don't enter heaven and thats what happens, they become as if they never were. But only by their own choice. That is the teaching I now believe. I realize that some souls for that reason haven't approached heaven and remained on the earth to haunt because they think hell exists or they don't feel worthy and would choose to not enter heaven and cease existing so these are the ghosts we find haunting areas like particular homes and such. When its the home, eventually at least one other person should have experienced something by now 15 years or more in the house. Since thats not the case, it's more to do with just you. Likely a spirit/soul who is not of the light yet has attached itself to you, perhaps several have.
So look through the yellow pages, or search on line for your state. You may not find someone in your city but elsewhere. Let them know whats going on, how long, what happens and that your family does not believe. Ask them to come check and see if they can pick up on some paranormal activiity connected to you. It best to call in the experts since no one else will believe nor know how to get rid of it. If the experts dont find any such thing, then its time to see a Dr who specializes in dealing with the subconscious mind. Why? Becuase the subc. mind is where all our emotions and feelings originate from. So feelings of sadness, joy, fear and terror, all come from same place.
chi

So I haven't had my period yet (I'm 13) and I'm supposed to start in 3 years... I'm guessing this has something to do with my period? Last night, I saw brown in my underwear (Like brown discharge), but I just went to the bathroom and my urine was brown...

I researched and found that it could be from dehydration or drug abuse. I don't do drugs, so do you think it's dehydration? I haven't been drinking a lot of water lately but I am now.

Was the urine in the toilet brown in color or was the toilet paper brown when you wiped? Theres a difference.
The pee hole is very close to your vagina so what comes out of there can mix easily with your pee.

If however, you continue to notice its definitely brown urine, not brown discharge from the vagina, it might be good to go see the doctor and give a urine sample so they can discover whats up with you

You may get your period earlier than you think. I don't understand why you believe 16 is the magic age when menstruation starts.Some girls have reported starting at age ten. A few will start later like 16 17 but the majority of girls today are getting their periods at 13 and 14 so you are right on time.

This brown discharge may signal that you are about to start your period. The brown discharge can last a couple days or go one for a week or two. Its more sticky than runny. Its old blood. Ever get a blood stain on something, think of even a bandaid you pulled off a scrape once healed up. What little blood was seen on the bandaid wasn't bright red of a fresh flow of blood, it was the brown of old dried up blood.

Brown discharge usually is nothing to worry about. It is part of the monthly cycle for women. It won't happen every month, just sometimes when the flow is delayed by illness or stress and it wants to start but cant yet so little dribbles come out slowly

Many times throughout my life, I got the brown discharge before my period especially when period was late. There was never any pain, a normal period and I went on to give birth to 3 kids. There's nothing wrong to worry about regarding your female genitals. You might want to have panty liners and a pad with you at all times cus you never know when it'll start.

Completely ignore me? Okay so i have this neighbor who is 15 and im 16 and we used to be best friends! We were inseparable. But we kissed and things just didnt work out anymore. Well we have tried being friends again and it worked out for a small amount of time but thats it. So just about 3 weeks ago he messaged me on facebook and we were talking and we ended up going out and riding bikes together like we used to do! That only happened about 3 times. We wrestled on my trampoline and this boy likes making things seem sexual because of course hes a teenage boy. But i was invited to his youth group by my friend and when i got there and he saw me he really didnt look that happy. Well he said hey and thats the only thing he said to me the whole time! I was there for about 2 hours and he was even in my small group where we prayed and gave testimony's and stuff. He pretty much acted like he has never known me before. Honestly it breaks my heart knowing how much of an awesome friendship we had and if i could go back i would have never kissed him. But back to what i was saying. He could have help make me feel welcome since it was my first time there! But nope! And i was talking to this man and he went right by me and said bye to the guy i was talking to and didnt even bother to say anything to me! I thought we were friends and out of that ignoring each other crap!! (keep in mind im very shy until i get to know you well) I just dont understand at all.. So after that night we wrestled he hasnt talked to me since. Idk what the deal is but it really has upset me. Also i have liked him for about 4 years so yeahh. He said he has liked me (2 years ago) but idk if i believe it or not. So if anyone has any idea of what is wrong with this guy, some advice would be greatly appreciated!

~thanks, Candice.

No no honey, you have it all wrong. Don't feel bad you ever kissed, that not what made things change. If he said he liked you and was attracted two years ago...then it is true. I will try in a short space here to get you up to date with the whole aspect of attraction, relationships with the opposite sex and dating.
It starts as liking what you see and observe of a person so you stare at them alot. This is an attraction to but does not mean you like them yet, because really, you don't know anything about them yet. Then you start the conversation stage of attraction and developing relationships. During this time you will feel things, either a kinship, a friendship, like having lots in common, and/or just a romantic attraction. Kising is one way to see if what you feel in the beginning is still going to feel the same in a couple of months.
There is something called NRE new relationship energy...its that excitement you feel when a guy first starts paying attention to you.
Think of when you were little and excited to see if you got what you wanted for Christmas. And when you did, you were so excited for day, weeks maybe even a month or two, but after that...the new toy didn't seem as exciting anymore. You got bored and never played with it again.

I relationships this happens too, but only if the two (even though nice people) were not the perfect match for friendship or more. The reason you aren't best friends with all the girls in school is because there is something about your personalities where one or both of you don't want to hang out with each other. We tend to forgot that when it comes to the opposite sex. Its no different except for the sexual part which should come later when of legal age. But still there needs to be enough in commom.
Don't worry, even grownups have this problem still at all ages knowing the difference. At any point in spending time with someone, if it doesnt feel right anymore, it probably isn't, to force it isn't good. One person might resent the other, not be open and truthful with them or stop talking to them because they don't know what to do AND they feel guilty...although there should be nothing to feel guilty about. This is a natural part of attracton, relationships and dating. SOmetimes you like someone and it works out, sometimes you dont like them right in the begining or you discover this later on. No body is at fault or lacking in any way, just not right for each other.
I don't know how else to make this easy to see except to use color and tell a silly story.
Lets say the perfect relationship is the color purple. red represents the girl, yellow the boy. he is a wonderful yellow, but when he gets together with her, they end up with orange not purple...there is nothing she or he can do to change themselve to make a perfect purple. So they break up. ALong comes Blue. He gets together with Red, and the couple are perfect for each other and make the color purple. Yeah, corny but I want you to see, that something about the relationship between you is bothering him and he probably doesnt even know yet really what so how can he explain it to you and probably is decent enough to not want to hurt your feelings so he withdraws from you thinking that will be easier. I met an adult man who actually did the same withdrawal thing. And when I had a talk with him asking why he was distant, he said he did it because he thought telling me would hurt me, but he didn't realize that NOT telling me and ignoring me was also hurting me. If you are ready to hear the truth, no matter what it is, tell him you want to know and then patch up your friendship and continue as just friends, not girlfriend-boyfriend if thats the case.
My guess is he's trying hard to not hurt you, and not realizing that ignoring you isn't helping...just tell him that dear.

my cat used to love me soooooooo much and now she is like all biting me and scratching me, i gave her some space and i havent bothered her in a long time. her name is angel. please help me i love her sooo much! response ASAP!! its an emergency!

Animals can suffer from many of the same things as people do. She could be stressed due to some changes in her environment, it could be hormonal as suggested. And also if its something more serious like pain from a bladder infection or other health issue, animals will react to their pain by becoming mean and vicious to humans even their owners. So your best bet is to search for a low cost vetrinarian and have her taken in for a check up cus if its something more serious, she'll need to go on medication for a while.
Animals don't change their behavior so greatly and so quickly without the cause being something that is affecting them either mentally or physically.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 nearly 4 years, and I have felt something had been abit odd with him lately. I checked his Facebook and found messages of him talking to friends saying that he thinks he's bored, his going crazy, he loves me but feels trapped but doesn't want to be single again and is thinking of cheating on me. I'm so heart broken about it, I don't know what to do , maybe I thought making our sex life more exciting and try having sex in different places. I hope it works and we have done exciting things before with sex I don't just lay there :-( I also found pills that help with erection problems, so he's obviously tried to do something about it but I don't want it to get to a point where he cheats on me and ruins our relationship! Because we barely ever have fights and laugh together and etc but i need some good advice and something that will help him want to be more sexually excited about me. Also taking into account he has had anxiety and seems like depression about his life and he feels like is going nowhere. He basically has a daily routine of going to work and working too hard for shit money over several years and he comes home exhausted and drinks then does it all over again. It's been hard for him to make changes but he doesn't know what he wants to do. I kind of feel that that could be what's causing him to want to Cheat.

First, a guy doesn't start to feel like cheating on his girl cus of a shitty job, long hours, poor pay. If it's all he can find to survive in this bad economy and he feels he doesn't have any other choice...then he or if it was the other way around, she would need something that is great to relieving the stress of that. One thing about sex that makes it very healthy to have great sex on a regular basis, is because it is a great stress reducer, it is also good for keeping the sex organs toned. Stress at work or any where else like school, is going to cause a person to seek that which relieves stress successfully. Seeking alcohol, even if he doesnt get really drunk, is not going to help in the long run, maybe initially it helps him forget, but he'll continue to need more and more of it to get the same effect.
From what you write, I am guessing that this is a case of two best friends of opposite sex getting into a relationship. Although it is important to be best friends with your mate, it is just as important to have chemistry, that spark sexually. In the first few months of a relationship, NRE (new relationship energy) can mimic having chemistry but wears off quickly.
Maybe it took longer to wear off for you. No...you can't blame anything outside of the relationship between you two for him feeling boredom, going crazy, feeling trapped and wanting an affair.
Look at it this way. Lets say your very best friend in the world is a female. Maybe you have one. Now imagine that these two females get into a relationship and expect the sexual part to be part of the relationship and its' exciting and new to explore something so different at first, but in the long run, neither of you are gay or bi sexual so the sexual part fails even though youwant to p two are still such good friends. She faces stress somewhere else in life and comes to you, seeking the love and stress relief but it doesnt work for her.
Thats basically what you have. If the two of you are really young, he shouldn't be having erection problems except for if he's always had low male hormones which can be tested for and meds given to take on a daily basis that solve it. Or if he were taking another prescription that makes him lose erection ability, again something to see Dr about and so he has pills, but you don't know why he has them. You can't think you are to blame.
But there are some males, perfectly healthy who at any age have difficulty getting hard if the female they are with doesnt spark that kind of sexual arousal in them.
So you want to know how I can tell you to get him more sexually excited about you. There is no magic wand for that or hoops to jump through dear, either the chemistry is there or it isn't. You are better off staying best friends but moving on to other relationships. You need to have this talk with him. Because the fact of not being totally honest with each other, no matter how painful is going to in the long run hurt your friendship. It won't hurt a dating relationship because in that area, you were never right for each other. I am making these assumptions based on what you have written, so if there is information missing you feel we need to know thats fine to write in again. But either way, this situations need to be brought out into the open and discussed, no matter where you two stand with each other.

I've been married for 6 years to this great guy, but I know he's not the one I'm supposed to be with. I've been trying to decide for years whether or not I should stay or go. I have another guy I just started seeing that wants me and my children to move in with him. But he also knows I'm not ready for that move right now. He's great with me and my kids, he works and has time for us too.
My husband is always on his computer or sleeping, yes I understand he works 3rd shift but still he needs to spend time with us, but he's never going to change. What do I do? I am so confused and heartbroken over trying to figure this out.

You've already answered your own question.
You stated you know he's never gonna change. Thats not just him you know, most human fear change, it is scary...so in most cases, what you see, is what you get for life. CHanges if there are any will only be small ones that really make little difference in the big picture. Your kids are still young, they will adjust.
The husband is not the one. Your heart has already committed to remedying your situation. Two people can be very nice people but wrong for each other chemistry wise and once the initial attraction wears off, one or both partners lose interest. Doesnt mean either person is a bad person, just not right for each other. Staying longer with hubby doesn't fix your situation...so ask yourself...why am I not ready to move out? Is it financial? Sounds like you've got that angle covered. Is it just the confusing thoughts?
You feel guilty perhaps thinking that you haven't done everything possible to make this marriage work, to save it, or maybe guilty cus you don't feel like putting any more effort into it.
Let me state clearly coming out of a bad marriage myself, that even if one person is putting in all the effort to try to help better a marriage or save a marriage, then it will fail or is already dead. In my case, my marriage was dead 2 years after getting into it. I hung around with 3 children by him for 30 yrs. Thats' like carrying a dead mummified body around with you every day for 30 yrs. The marriage was dead. I stayed for all the wrong reasons. The right reason, was that I wasn't really loved as a wife, a lover, a partner...more like you like a friend...thats it.
I hope you dont wait that long. Whether the other guy you met is right for you, who's to know...but it sure sounds like hubby has no interest. Why he has no desire to make things better with you is likely cus his subconscious mind already knows it cant be any better.

The only other thing I can think of is that your conscious mind and your subconscious mind are not on the same page. All our emotions and feelings come from our subconscious mind. Its natural that it feels bad that it didn't work out for you. You've had time to come to love him as a person, as another human being, but not as the man who is your husband and lover that you have a spark with, chemistry with. You have to let your self know deep down that this is a critical difference in a marriage. A marriage is more than the legal piece of paper...that understood...currently, you don't have a marriage...you have a room mate who happens to be the father of your children who doenst have time for any of you, nor wants to. Thats what you have. The sooner your subconscious mind is able to come to grips with reality, it will be easier for you to make a decision. Either you and hubby attend marriage counseling and see how that goes. But if neither of you find your heart is in it, then its time to part ways as friends and move on.

Ok so here it is; I am a Pakistani doc, I did my Med School and graduated in 2007, I did my housejob in 2008. I had been a good student of my class throughout Med School; though I wasent in the honors but I was still amongst the top 10 or 15 students and I never failed any subject, any semester, any exam.
Now after MBBS, in order to do residency, We have an exam called FCPS 1 (Fellow College of Physicians and Surgeons) which once you clear then only you can join any residency program otherwise you just end up working as a Medical Officer in different setups. Now I somehow haven't been able to clear the exam , I'll be giving it for the third time now. Because of all of this stress I had switched on to the Pharmaceutical sector with a career in Marketing and worked there for two years but it just wasent my thing. Though I got to travel a lot (both local and international), got a car from company and many other financial perks but I just wasent happy. I Quit work when I was expecting a couple of months to prepare again for the exam and gave it again in June which I didn't clear (this was the 2nd time). I am again preparing for it for 2014 Feb hoping I might nail it this time but you see somehow I am unable to retain stuff?. I try sooo hard, study at night but .... I feel like I have lost it ..... this makes me sooo sad........ and all my life all I wanted to do was to become a doctor and somehow that dream seems like shattering :( ... also because my 4 month old daughter doesn't give me any time at all to study and this makes me even more depressed and I don't have much of a help at home, my husband has a very busy career as a lawyer and though he tries its not much help and we don't have much of reliable daycare facilities here...I sometimes plan to give MRCP exams and though my husband and rest of the family is also very supportive but you see MRCP costs a lot..... what should I do?. Should I give this third attempt at this local residency exam?, should I save up money to give MRCP or should I just forget all this medical dream and go back to the pharma world (which I really don't want to )..... please help......

I have never gone to college, never been part of anything to do with the medical or pharmaceutical fields. But if you want my views as a mom who raised 3 daughters, then read on.

Financially my husband said I had to work because we needed the income. Our first daughter went to daycare. I left for work in morning before husband. One morning, my daughter who's crib faced the parking lot, heard my car start and whipped open the curtains to look out the window and she cried as she saw me leaving. I can't tell you how much that was a stab of pain to a mothers heart. I cried the whole way to work. Eventually, we lost the daycare provider and could not find another no matter how hard we tried. I now got to be home with her. But I had missing the first time she crawled, and the first time she walked because I was at work. The daycare provider got to witness it instead. That hurt me too. The commitment the job you are seeking will need, will take away from time you have to give your daughter. While it is hard on a child to have a dad who isn't around much, it's harder when it is mom because mothers are nurturing and loving and teach their children things. A daycare provide will never feel a mothers love for your child. She may love children, but that will be missing for your child. Somehow we survived without the extra income. I had two more daughters, all which I got to be home with. I began to realize that many moms who stayed home with their kids found ways to bring in extra income. Some did the obvious and became daycare providers.

Since you want to be in the medical field, likely it boils down to a desire to be of help to people, you have a strong desire to nurture and heal people. I do too. Along lifes path, due to some experiences myself and with family in hospital, I lost faith in the medical community and turned to seeking natural health and other non traditonal forms of healing.
If you have a block, it could be because the background you have in learning was needed, but perhaps there is a future for you in natural healing. This taking a totally different schooling than you have had. I have studied Reiki and other energy healing. Have focused on reading up on Ayurvedic medicine, have experienced massage therapy, acupuncture, sound therapy such as singing bowls or gongs. I know many people who have their degrees in whatever specific natural medicine needs a degree. One gal had a bedroom in her home with a separate outside door entrance and thats where she saw patients for massage. I had a neighbor who did hair care and had her own in home salon.
When you consider taking a path to natural medicine where you won't need all the equipment and operating rooms and IV's and things a hospital offers, you can still being working in the field of health, working to try to help people achieve better health so they dont end up in the hospital.
With a supportive Husband and family. I am sure a relative wouldnt mind being in your home with child while you are in separate room with patients. And you schedule your own hours and can offer help to people at prices more affordable to them. It's just my idea. But it may not fit your personality and who you are.
I wish you the best though.

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