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My boyfriend is bored of me but he loves me
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 nearly 4 years, and I have felt something had been abit odd with him lately. I checked his Facebook and found messages of him talking to friends saying that he thinks he's bored, his going crazy, he loves me but feels trapped but doesn't want to be single again and is thinking of cheating on me. I'm so heart broken about it, I don't know what to do , maybe I thought making our sex life more exciting and try having sex in different places. I hope it works and we have done exciting things before with sex I don't just lay there :-( I also found pills that help with erection problems, so he's obviously tried to do something about it but I don't want it to get to a point where he cheats on me and ruins our relationship! Because we barely ever have fights and laugh together and etc but i need some good advice and something that will help him want to be more sexually excited about me. Also taking into account he has had anxiety and seems like depression about his life and he feels like is going nowhere. He basically has a daily routine of going to work and working too hard for shit money over several years and he comes home exhausted and drinks then does it all over again. It's been hard for him to make changes but he doesn't know what he wants to do. I kind of feel that that could be what's causing him to want to Cheat.
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First, a guy doesn't start to feel like cheating on his girl cus of a shitty job, long hours, poor pay. If it's all he can find to survive in this bad economy and he feels he doesn't have any other choice...then he or if it was the other way around, she would need something that is great to relieving the stress of that. One thing about sex that makes it very healthy to have great sex on a regular basis, is because it is a great stress reducer, it is also good for keeping the sex organs toned. Stress at work or any where else like school, is going to cause a person to seek that which relieves stress successfully. Seeking alcohol, even if he doesnt get really drunk, is not going to help in the long run, maybe initially it helps him forget, but he'll continue to need more and more of it to get the same effect.
From what you write, I am guessing that this is a case of two best friends of opposite sex getting into a relationship. Although it is important to be best friends with your mate, it is just as important to have chemistry, that spark sexually. In the first few months of a relationship, NRE (new relationship energy) can mimic having chemistry but wears off quickly.
Maybe it took longer to wear off for you. No...you can't blame anything outside of the relationship between you two for him feeling boredom, going crazy, feeling trapped and wanting an affair.
Look at it this way. Lets say your very best friend in the world is a female. Maybe you have one. Now imagine that these two females get into a relationship and expect the sexual part to be part of the relationship and its' exciting and new to explore something so different at first, but in the long run, neither of you are gay or bi sexual so the sexual part fails even though youwant to p two are still such good friends. She faces stress somewhere else in life and comes to you, seeking the love and stress relief but it doesnt work for her.
Thats basically what you have. If the two of you are really young, he shouldn't be having erection problems except for if he's always had low male hormones which can be tested for and meds given to take on a daily basis that solve it. Or if he were taking another prescription that makes him lose erection ability, again something to see Dr about and so he has pills, but you don't know why he has them. You can't think you are to blame.
But there are some males, perfectly healthy who at any age have difficulty getting hard if the female they are with doesnt spark that kind of sexual arousal in them.
So you want to know how I can tell you to get him more sexually excited about you. There is no magic wand for that or hoops to jump through dear, either the chemistry is there or it isn't. You are better off staying best friends but moving on to other relationships. You need to have this talk with him. Because the fact of not being totally honest with each other, no matter how painful is going to in the long run hurt your friendship. It won't hurt a dating relationship because in that area, you were never right for each other. I am making these assumptions based on what you have written, so if there is information missing you feel we need to know thats fine to write in again. But either way, this situations need to be brought out into the open and discussed, no matter where you two stand with each other.
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This is a hard situation to be in. I don't think this is about your sex life. I think this is about him. He has a routine in his life that he doesn't seem happy about, you guys probably don't have a lot of time for each other anyways. He thinks cheating with brighten up his days.
He doesn't know what he wants to do because it's hard for him to make changes. But he chose the wrong thing to change, as in finding someone else.
Honestly, his heart isn't in your relationship anymore. You can't be the one to change it, he has to. Every relationship has problems but if you guys aren't fighting or anything like that, maybe the relationship has just ran it's course. You don't want to be with someone who is considering cheating on you. It's really stupid. He doesn't want to be single but he's thinking about cheating. You don't want that in the first place. You want someone you can trust to never even consider that idea.
He wants to be in this relationship, but his heart just isn't in it. You can't change that.
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He is not into you or your relationship anymore.
Keeping him interested isn't all about enhancing your sex life. Sounds to me by what you have written he has been bored for some time now. His boredom could also simply be that he has lost interest in you or fell out of love.
Sometimes relationships grow apart, If he truly is bored then there may not be much you can do to save the relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who is a potential cheater? How do you know he isn't or hasn't already cheated?
It is this simple, He isn't happy abd the relationship has already ended
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