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i like this guy but ugh
So I met a guy and we've been talking a lot recently and he seems almost perfect to me with so many qualities that I haven't seen in other guys. the thing is, he just got out of a relationship and of course, now's not the time to push anything for him. And I'm not 100% sure I want to be in a relationship now either. But what scares me is that, he's asked me, jokingly to help him find himself a new girl and I've told him, let me know who and I'll make the arrangements (in a playful way). Of course I don't ever want him to tell me he likes someone. But I suspect that maybe he might. Or maybe I'm overthinking. He's 23 and I'm 21. (nothing wrong with age, there) But the girl I think he might like, she's 19 and really pretty and is a lot like me, in terms of personality, etc (to him) I believe she's more attractive than me, so that's where I lose my confidence. He asked me one day, what I thought of her and I could just say that she's okay and is nice. He went on to tell me a story about her dad not liking him but now he does...idk? But I never got to fully ask him if he does like her but I'm afraid to because if the answer is yes, I'll be devastated. I'm sure this guy will be a guy my whole family will love. That's what makes him even more better than the rest. He's also very talented and educated. Beyond me. But that's what I adore. I know he's very busy in his life right now where his talents are concerned but I feel like, if he really wanted to be with someone, he can.
I guess I'm saying, I want him to not like anyone else, only me but I don't want us to be together right now. Is that normal? How do I get myself to stop overthinking? Sorry if my message is all over the place but I'm frustrated, as you can probably tell.
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This is extremely complicated because you don't want to be in a relationship with him right now and he possibly likes this other girl.
It's normal to want someone to like you and only you when you like them, so you're not crazy or obsessive or anything.
I think you should either tell him how you feel or find out if he likes this other girl. If he does, then it's probably best to move on.
He may be a great guy but he's not the only one out there. If he can't see you as more than a friend, you can't change that.
At this point you're just confused because you don't know how he feels about you and how he feels about someone else.
What makes this hard is that you don't want to be in a relationship, you just want him to like you and no one else. Since he also got out of a relationship, maybe he's not going to pursue her.
Anyways, I think you should talk to him and see how he feels.
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I think you should be that great best friend who he confides in for now. It sounds like he's interested in the other girl but if anything ever becomes of it as his best friend who he tells his feelings to it will be you he runs back to everytime. I can see the other girl being a rebound if anything at all when when you are both ready to settle down I bet it will work out perfectly between the two of you. As you said you're not really ready for a relationship so just be a good CLOSE friend. Get the inside scoop on everything. Just be there for him. You can totally work this in your favor. When a guy is ready to settle he wants that good girl who was there for him through everything and never judged him. Not the girl he argued with and had issues with family and friends with. As for her looks. They last for only so long.
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Devastated? thats an awfully strong word. I believe that could only be the case is if you were in love with him. And then you say you are not 100% sure you want to be in a relationship.
You're going to have to find out one way or the other if a guy is the most perfect match for you to end up in a committed relationship with for long term or for life.
The best way to find out is to spend more time with a person. You make sure to tell them from the start that you are hanging out and doing the dating thing only to find out how well you get along with a guy, if there is some spark and chemistry beyond the initial attraction of the first couple weeks or months. If you end up having deeper feelings, you make sure to tell him. If he doesnt feel the same way, it's time to split. Yes, the road to finding the right one is perilous with lots of heart aches and heart breaks but if you prefer to protect yourself from experiencing that, then you also will never meet the guy for you. So stop overthinking. Thoughts are always blown out of proportion.
As far as looks go, guys have different tastes in girls such as girls do with guys. If blondes are your thing, are you gonna find a freckled redhead just as sexy? Some guys find all women beautiful in their own way even if you as a female may think them plain or ugly. Some want the natural girl next door look. Some are drawn to curvy, others like tiny petite like me. And yet others want someone they wont feel they could crush easily and want the big bone heavy set woman. There's someone for everyone girl. As soon as you believe you will be able to attract just the guys who like your type of look, it will begin to happen. Although its a good sign if family will like a guy, you haven't really dated him. So as nice as he is, hang out enough to give it a chance...find out if theres a real strong romantic spark or not. Then after a couple months, re evaluate, is that spark still there? If not, he may not be right for you as nice as he is and as much as your family likes him. Remember, you're the one who has to live with him 24.7 long term if you stay together.
Some questions for you to ponder:
How do you know he was joking? Are you sure? Can you 100 % guarantee that he was not saying that to see what reaction he might get from you? He could be playfully hinting. Other than asking what you thought of the 19 yr old, Has he actually told you he wants to date the other girl next? If not, you may be coming to a lot of wrong conclusions. You can tell him you've always been interested in getting to know him better to see if there might be something between you, so you want to know if he is interested in the same level with you or would he rather look elsewhere.
If he says no to you. then all you guessing and agonizing over what ifs is over. But that means you are free to start looking elsewhere!!
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