Well, I completely disapprove of lying, especially to someone you're about to have sex with, but if you're determined not to tell him the truth, then no, he probably won't be able to tell if you're a virgin or not. He won't know what to expect from a virgin, so he won't know if anything's different than it should be.
As to your second question, after sex, everything changes. It could be better, it could be worse, it depends. For me and my guy, it strengthened our relationship. For a lot of people, though, it can weaken the relationship. To us, sex is the ultimate expression of love, but to others, it's just lust. I think what it does to the relationship depends on how you see sex.
Girls (at least I think they do) tend to get more attached to guys after sex, because it's really a very emotional thing for us. That's why everyone says "wait until it's the right guy" and all that.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Oh, I feel your pain. I had a cough/laryngitis right before a performance and I wanted to kill something.
Halls strawberry (or cherry) vapor action cough drops help with the soreness. My friend told me about these, and they're seriously life savers.
Natural flavor Ricola help with the voice not cooperating. My old choir teacher's trick. ^_^
Guzzle water. Every singer's trick.
Hot tea with honey. My friend's trick.
You can actually put lemon juice (NO SWEETENER) in your water (or hot water/lemon juice) to help cut through some of the acid and/or phlegm you undoubtedly have. Voice teacher's idea.
No dairy before the tryouts (it coats your throat and will hinder your singing, even if you're not sick).
Warm your voice up slowly, starting with a relaxed hum. Don't sing too much before the auditions. Try your HARDEST not to talk on the phone. That's one of the worst things you can do with laryngitis or anything affecting your voice. My old choir teacher told me that. Not sure why, but it's true.
I hope this helps, and I hope you heal!
-Siren =)

Aww, sweetheart, you've just started your period. Now, while I love to explain things and give advice, I strongly suggest you tell your foster mom you think you started your period, and ask her to explain everything to you. Parents (even foster parents) are the best resources ever, and I suggest you take full advantage of them! I'm sure she'd be willing to talk to you about it. It's totally normal and happens to all girls around your age. It just means you're turning into a young woman. =)
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Aww. I got my first kiss when I was 14. I mean the fist kiss I EVER got.
What it's like really depends on who it is that you're kissing and how strongly you feel about them. If you're really in love with your boyfriend, his kisses can make you dizzy, make you forget where you are, what you're doing, and what you were about to say. (Either that, or I'm just a complete ditz...)
If you feel strongly about the guy in a sexual way, his kisses can turn you on...
if you don't really like the guy as much as he likes you, his kisses won't do much.
If it's just platonic, it's pretty much nothing. Like if you kiss someone onstage (I have/had to do that) and it's not a guy you like, it's just like...no spark.
Those are just a few examples, but it changes a lot.
As far as how you do it, you'll know in the moment. Just don't pucker. Puckering makes your lips stiff and stiff lips are no fun to kiss. =P
Lol. But really, you'll know how to kiss in the moment. Trust me.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

I think it's a personal preference, really. If you want to do it once a year, do that. If you want to do it every day, I might call it a bit obsessive, but I honestly think it's a personal preference - whatever you want to do, whatever you feel is right. Go with your instincts, feelings, etc. I hope this answered your question! If not, you can contact me again and rephrase it if you'd like.
-Siren =)

Heh. Don't worry about grossing me out, I'm not that squeemish. ^_^
Any manual stimulation to your vagina, or clit, I consider fingering, as he's using his finger(s). As far as giving head, that's usually related to (or considered, I suppose) oral sex. What you did was just stroking, really. You know, I'm really not sure why oral sex on a guy is called "giving head"...I'll have to look it up now. Lol.
Hope this answered your question!
-Siren =)

My deepest sympathies about your Mom. I won't say "I'm sorry" because I didn't cause it, and I hate it when people apologize for things they didn't cause, don't you?
Anyway. You are in a tough situation. Does your school have any sort of a guidance counselor, or a psychologist/social worker that you might be willing to talk to? I personally think you need someone to talk to about all this stuff that's going on. It's really difficult to keep tough stuff inside, even stuff so "typical" as the whole "the girl I like doesn't like me" thing. You've gotta have someone to talk to, and someone who will treat you like a person, not as a child.
BUT, try to avoid depression meds...half the ones out there nowadays make teens suicidal. I had a friend who got a little depressed, and her parents didn't know what to do, so they sent her to a psychologist, who said "Depression meds!" and got a prescription from a psychiatrist, and she was suicidal. Like, seriously. She hadn't been before. But anyway...
Never lose hope. There is ALWAYS something you can do for yourself, for other people...when you've hit rock bottom (and it sounds like you feel as though you have) the only thing to do is bounce back up. If you want to vent to me, you can IM me (SirenCytherea). I'm on nearly every night. I really hope this helps on some level.
-Siren =)

Aw, honey, you don't sound pathetic. You sound like me when I was around twelve or thirteen, I think. I had a crush on one guy for three years (sad, I know).
You should never feel like your life isn't worth living! All lives are. On top of that, I doubt you're "quite ugly." You sound like you've got a few self-confidence issues, if you'll forgive my presumptions. That could be part of why guys don't go for you - low confidence in girls makes guys not want to approach them. Scientifically proven...sort of...by yours truly. ^_^
I understand the jealousy. That was how I felt in tenth grade, and a little through eleventh. I'd denied myself guys but by eleventh grade, I developed a crush on my current boyfriend in the beginning of the year, and when I saw couples together, I wanted that. Wanting to be loved is totally natural, and expected.
I agree with the fact that there's someone out there for everyone, and there's someone out there for you! You said it yourself - you're only fourteen, you have years and years. I have about three friends who haven't had a boyfriend and they're all my age. Don't dwell on it. Just be yourself - you do sound like an interesting person, and I'm sure some guy who likes you (besides this guy you don't like, lol) will see that and like you because of it.
Be more confident, sweetie. You've gotta love yourself before you can truly love anyone else. Someone can love you as much as they want, but trust me on this - you won't feel all the emotion towards them unless you love yourself. I had this problem for awhile, but my boyfriend taught me to love myself, and I've never been happier alone, or with anyone in my entire life. Be an optimist. You'll find someone!
If you want someone to vent to, or anything you can IM me at SirenCytherea. I'm usually on every night. I hope this helps on some level!
-Siren =)

Well, you can't always get addicted to alcohol. Just use good judgement and don't drink so much you pass out. OR, don't drink at all if you're not comfortable with it. If you'd lose her because you don't drink, she's not much of a friend. Drugs can NOT keep friendships together, but it can definitely set them apart if one part refuses to associate with the one who doesn't do the drugs.
There is a lot of risk in doing any drug. Alcohol is the only drug I've ever done, and I like the feeling and the taste - but I'm not addicted by any means. I've been drunk, I've had missing memories, but I've never had a hangover, and I've never gotten myself so drunk I passed out.
Simple judgement and common sense will help with that, if you want to give it a shot. I don't encourage it by any means if you're not comfortable with it. And, if you're not, TELL your friend. You've gotta talk to her about how you feel. She should know you're uncomfortable, if you are, and that you're worried about becoming addicted.
Just talk it out and make the decision based on what you feel is best for YOU. I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Okay, if your "best friend" is trying to FORCE you to do something you don't want to do, is she really your friend? If she threatens to kill the friendship if you don't do something you don't want to do, is she a friend in the first place? Listen, I know you may be really close with her, but if she's doing something you don't like and is trying to force you to do it, too, then she's not really a friend. No friend would do that. Tell her you feel really, really uncomfortable with the idea of smoking weed (or at least with the idea of yourself doing it). Let her know that if she really wants to lose your friendship over such a silly thing as drugs, then it's going to have to happen.
The main thing is you've gotta talk it out or you've gotta lose this "friend" of yours. I really hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Why would it be wrong? The heart wants what the heart wants, and you can never control who you develop a crush on. Age is a state of mind, not being, so don't worry about how old this person is. Just concentrate on your crush and what you want to happen with it.
Of course, an age difference like ten years may be a bit much, if you're in your teens (which I assume you are). But really, it doesn't matter. I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

You know what a really good topic is that not very many peole talk about? Their childhoods. Like, talk about what you were like as little kids, funny things you did, things you remember...etc. It's really interesting, and keeps you talking for awhile. Hope this helps!
-Siren =)

If you want to kiss him, kiss him. Your mom's going to have to deal with the fact that her little girl is growing up (as hard as it is), and you have to kiss a guy at some point. If you'd feel bad about kissing him and not telling her, tell her. If she freaks out, remind her it was just a kiss, and that you really care for this guy, and he really cares for you.
Or...if you'd rather not kiss without her consent, talk to her first. Just say what you just told us - "me and my boyfriend have been dating for like 2 months, and he wants to kiss my, but I'm not sure if I should because I think you'd freak out, but I really like him." Or something to that affect. If she doesn't know him, that could be part of it. Introduce them first, if you want.
Personally, in your situation, I'd go for the kiss, and tell her after. But that's just me.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Well, this is a really tough situation you're in. Your mom doesn't seem to be handling this well at all...if I were in your shoes and I had the option of going somewhere else where someone might care about me, I would go for it. I do suggest going to live with your friend. I can understand the wanting to be loved. Everyone wants that, and deserves it. And you're right, it is hard to get away from the whole sex drugs and drinking thing. If your friend's mom would be a good mother figure, then live with her. Really, you need someone you can look up to, and I strongly encourage getting your friend's mom to talk to your mom. Your mom doesn't seem to understand that she needs to put YOU before everything and everyone else. You should be her top priority all the time, but she doesn't seem to realize that. If your friend's mom could get her to see that (and there's a strong chance of that, as she is another adult, and another mother), then by all means, get them talking. Adults are sometimes better at explaining things to adults than kids are, even if the kids are closer to the situation than the other adult.
So, to summarize my babble, I do suggest you go live with your friend for awhile, and get her mom to talk to yours.
I hope this made sense, and I hope you get this sorted out...if you want more help, or there's anything else I can do, don't hesitate to contact me. This is what I do.
-Siren =)

The best and simplest way to find out if it bothers him or not is to ask him...trust me, I did it. Lol. I used to be calm, cool, and collected all the time, but around my boyfriend, I felt (and still feel like) such a klutz, and a total ditz. I've seriosuly tripped over my own feet, and he caught me when I fell. Just ask him "Hey [your guy's name here], you know, sometimes I feel like a total ditz and all around you...does it ever bother you?"
My guy thinks it's cute. >.< (which is almost as nervewracking as not liking it, lol)
As to how you can stop being such a ditz, if I knew, I wouldn't have this problem. Lol. If I find a solution, I'll help you out...but for now, revel in your ditziness. It's entertaining. And, if all else fails, blame him for your ditziness. That's what I do. Lol. I hope this helps on some level!
-Siren =)

The piece of skin your friend is referring to, I believe, is the hymen (which is the technical term for a girl's cherry). It's true that a tampon CAN break the hymen, but it might not. Your hymen can be broken by horseback riding, being fingered, having sex for the first time...But you'd know if it broke. It hurts. I doubt using a tampon will break it unless it goes in very far, or goes in the wrong way. If it hurts, try angling it differently. It may be a little uncomfortable to have a tampon in, but it shouldn't really hurt. Also, make sure you start with a slim tampon (I started with Playtex slimfits, those are really easy to get in. Now I use Tampax pearl.) I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Have YOU talked to his ex? Maybe you should tell her to back off. Or be nice about it, and tell her "I understand you still have feelings for him, but I would really appreciate it if you would leave him alone."
He can feel as guilty as he wants to, but he's your boyfriend. I would maybe point out to him that it was his decision to break up with her (which I'm assuming, since she's the one that still has feelings for him) and he's with you now. But I would talk to both him and his ex and see if you can't get her to stop trying, and him to stop feeling guilty. I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Obviously you don't like it, I wouldn't like it either! Just tell him one day "we need to talk." (This warns him a little bit so he can brace himself for bad news/an unhappy girlfriend) Then just let him know how you feel. Tell him you don't like the way he treats you around his friends, and he should treat you the same way. Maybe even use the "Split personalities" statement ("It's like you're two different people. Which one am I dating?") Let him know he needs to make a choice and decide how he's going to treat you, and treat you the same no matter who he's around. He's gotta know that he can't treat you like that and expect you not to get pissed. I'd kill my guy if he did that to me.
So just talk to him and let him know what's on your mind! I hope this helps.
-Siren =)

Oh, go with the boy to the movies! Lol. You two could probably get dinner or whatever after - or before - and talk about it.
(That's what happened with my boyfriend and me - he invited me out as friends to see a movie, and he paid for everything, and we went to burger king to talk a little bit, and ended up admitting that we liked each other, and ended up dating a week later. We're still together after 14 months.)
You never know what might happen! If you wanna talk about "us," you don't even have to tell him you like him. Just mention that some of your friends say that he likes you. ("how crazy is that?") and see what he does.
(I wish I'd had someone to tell me what to do when I went out with my guy! I said the wrong thing and ended up telling him I liked him before he told me he liked me! Oops, lol)
Movies doesn't necessarily signal a date, but they sometimes turn into dates. I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Just gather your courage, one day, and go up to her. As far as how to talk to her/what to say, you already know what to say. "I don't know much about her, but she seems like an interesting person." Just say that, and instead of "her" and "she," just say "you". It's that simple. People like being told they're interesting. You could probably pull her away from her friend if you want to, just say "hey, I know you don't know me, but can I have a word with you?" or however you'd like to phrase it, if you don't want to talk to her in front of her friends. It's pretty much up to you. I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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