TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: I am a female. I was dating this guy for a couple of months. a couple of weeks ago he broke it off with me and said that he needed to concentrate on his relationship with God and find himself. I told him that I respected him taking time to go through this process and to have a good life. He commented that he wanted to be friends and I told him that I couldn't it would be weird. We are neighbors, so we run into each other all of the time. However, he calls me and comes to my door all of the time. To make it worse, we have mutual friends that invite us to dinner parties and we don't really want people to know what's going on, so we have to pretend that nothing has changed. Basically, I stayed away from him for two days and couldn't say no to his advances and now we continue the physical part of our relationship, but make it known that we are not a couple. This hurts me, but I am at the point where I am depressed and sad, but when I hear from him or see him I am okay. How do I get away from him?

Ohhh man, you are in a pretty big mess, it's definitely time to get out of it.

Now,let me just say that this whole excuse of,"Finding God and himself" is a bit lame. I believe in God and everything, but yet he's still being physical with you? It sounds like he's ready for the commitment part to be done and you shouldn't stick around for the game he's playing with you. By all means this could be one of the sweetest guys in the world, but what he's doing to you definitely isn't sweet.

You can still be broken up, and on break from each other while being neighbors. You need to say,"Look, I can't have you telling me you want to find yourself and God and then still stick around for the physical part, it's wrong.If you still want to be broken up, I want space. No more kissing, no more anything that couples do because you decided that we are no longer a couple."

And thats exactly what you need, is a break. When you run into him, wave, say hi,or smile, but thats it. If he tries to egg it on with small talk, try ending it as soon as possible and walk away.

Yes, you will be very sad, heartbroken, and you'll feel pretty down. But, do you believe in God? Because if you do, I think we both know that if this guy belongs with you, God will make sure that happens. Maybe not now, maybe later, years later. You might meet again. Or, he'll realize he made a pretty big mistake for losing someone as great as you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 17/f
There is this guy that i am involved with. We don't go out but were more then friends. I know he likes me and everything, but i'm not sure if he does want to go out and be in a relationship with me. I try to talk to him about it, but hes a typical guy and doesnt share his feelings. How can i get him to comfortably talk about his feelings to me? How do I bring it up to him and what kinds of questions should i ask. please help if you can. thankyou.

No guy really wants to come out and say,"I like you" just like any girls wouldn't just come out and say it.

The best solution honestly is to get a friend to ask him about it. You might think this is childish or weird, but it works better than sitting there waiting for something that probably won't happen very soon.

Just get with a friend, tell her what to ask him, what to say, and then just find out if he likes you or not.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: mmmmmmmmmkay, so there's this girl at my school, she's 12, I kinda talk to her sometimes but not very often... her and her boyfriend had sex the other night and I really want to tell her that shes WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to young and making a VERY bad choice... I just dont know HOW to tell her. HELP

As sad as the way young girls are behaving, it's just not likely that she will listen to you, but theres definitely no harm in pulling her aside and saying that as her friend you advise her to slow down.

Just try not to expect her to just say,"Oh ok, I won't" and then not do it anymore. But,if you ever get to know her mom, that's who I'd go to. I mean 12? Sheesh she could end up pregnant in a year.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So, I've been dating this girl for about 15-ish months now. And we both thought it was pretty serious. We've both done our share of hurt to the other, unforgiveable hurt, but somehow, we've managed to get through it.I used to cheat on her (I would always tell her immediately, though), but I've been completely loyal for the past several months.The thing is, is that she cheated on me with this girl who I KNEW would be trouble. And my girl said that after that happened, she didn't want to talk to her anymore, the girl was completely out of our lives. Well, it turns out, she lied. It pisses me off, because well, obviously, she cheated on me with her, and I REALLY don't want them talking, cause I really don't like the girl, and it also pisses me off because she lied to me about it.
And this isn't the first time she lied. She dumped me for my ex's girlfriend, who stole my ex from me. And it was like, she's steealing another girl from me, and my girlfriend KNEW I felt this way, but she decided to go try to be with her anyway. And...
This is all starting to turn into gibberish right now. The point is, I used to be the one looking at other girls. And now she's the one looking at all these other girls, and I know that I hurt her by doing that, but she shouldn't be trying to get back at me like this. I can't do anything about the past now. I've been so loyal to her over these past months.
I also gave her a diamond ring a little while ago, and I just recently took it back. And she just didn't care. And I kind of lost the question that I was going to ask, so it's lamost like, What should I do? I love her, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. She'll end up killing me if she keeps hurting me like this.

I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this hurt and pain. But, I believe that the chances of you two working things out or staying together are very low. You both got into this relationship with each other on the wrong foot by cheating.

Cheating isn't just something forgotten over a period of time, it hurts for a very long time and the pain and jealousy will not be ignored. And I'm sure you know this from your girlfriend.

I think if you haven't already, need to just say,"Look, I really messed up in the past and I regret hurting you the way I did, but honestly I've been faithful to you for the past 7 months and I want you to be able to trust me. But now all I really feel like is that you just want to get back at me or hurt me because this hurts a lot. So please don't waste my time and tell me if I'm the only one you want"

Or something along those lines. With her not caring about you taking a ring back, thats not great either and I'm just so sorry you had to go through this and buy something very special for someone who doesn't deserve it. Just remember if you do end up ending it, things only work out for the best and I hope you'll be ok.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm a 19 year old female who is getting married soon and I am meeting my new soon to be inlaws now and things aren't going so great. My problem is that we were all outside smoking and I had my fiance's and mine cigarettes and he came over and told me to give him a cigarette. I told him that I would if he would ask me, so he said give me a fuckin cigareete. I kept saying that if he said please and asked me I would so he got mad and walked away. His aunt is over protected and he's a mommas boy. She got mad at me and I feel like I did something wrong when I think I didn't do anything. I don't know how to handle this cause I know he will not stand up to her. I want us to handle our disagreements in private. Don't know what to do please help me....!!!!

There definitely needs to be a serious talk with your soon to be husband. Just the fact that he's a 'momma's boy' and doesn't talk to you respectfully is a preview of what's to come in your marriage with him.

When you see your fiance, you need to stand up for yourself and state your feelings in the matter. Something along the lines of...

"We fought over something very stupid the other day, and all I asked was a little bit of respect and that could have been done with no fighting. But, when we do fight, I don't want your family intruding on our problems. We we will be married soon and we need to take care of our own problems like married people do."

And if he completely disagrees with that statement, I think you better deeply rethink marrying him. You're 19, honestly, whats the rush here? He's probably a 'momma's boy' because hes probably around your age and thats young to be walking down the aisle! You may do whatever you wish, but make sure that what you want to do is not going to hurt you later.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: why are people always like "oh you shouldnt have sex you're too young, wait for marriage." just because one person believes you should wait til marriage doesnt mean everyone else does and has to abide by that. people shouldnt be judged on what age they want to have sex at. it is THEIR opinion. and if they regret it, at least they learned from it. everyone makes mistakes. it is their OWN lives and people shouldnt tell them how to live or what to do.
i know I HATE when people tell me what to do.
i can make my own decisions.

You really take opinions like that too seriously. When you ask for advice here, thats what you get, different opinionated people. And maybe some of those people who give advice to wait have learned that from a mistake of having sex young, so they are trying to help you, not boss you around.

Plus, nobody is trying to make you not have sex. And if people are trying to tell you what to do, then tell that to them, this really isn't a place to complain about what other people say.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I will make this as short as possible, because I know I hate rading long winded questions...

I kissed this one guy at a party, I'll call him John, while I was still seeing my boyfriend(of 11 months) whom I'll call Dean.

John and I have tried to be friends before, but it just doesn't work out. We always end up bantering but that always ends in arguements, but he's really smart and sweet at times and he challeges me. The thing is he always hits on me, people say he likes me, I say I'm a conquest.

So anyway... John came to my neighborhood, where my boyfriend and I live to see me after the party where we kissed. He ran into my boyfriend and told him we kissed before I got a chance to and my boyfriend broke up with me. He said he would have been able to forgive me if it was anybody else, but he hates John.

My parents invited John and his family over the next day for dinner, which was a Saturday. I found out and I pretended to be sick to get out of dinner so maybe I wouldn't have to see John, but my mother sent him up to my room with medicine and water. He figured out I wasn't really sick and we got into this fight because he said I was avoiding him and I yelled at him for telling my boyfriend, ex now, about the kiss, even though I practically begged him not to.

Then somehow, don't ask me how, fighting turned into a make-out session and we almost had sex. We probably would have if my mother hadn't sent up my brother to check on us. My brother walked in on us and yelled at John, he went back downstairs and an hour later his family left.

My boyfriend called me that night, said he forgave me, and we got back together. Then the next day at school John said he wanted to talk to me, he told me he loved me and that I was never a conquest to him. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend and that he was sorry for everything he'd ever done to me and said. I told him I got back together with my boyfriend and that I loved Dean. That was a lie, I don't love him. He said some really hurtful things to me. Mostly about me being scared and running away from my feelings and only staying with Dean because he is "safe"...

I am so confused, I should be happy. I'm back together with my boyfriend, but things aren't the same. I can't keep my mind off John, or the things we've done. I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet...but I almost did with John and I'm alright with that. Now my boyfriend is pushing for sex...and I just can't. And even though I didn't sleep with John, what we did it was amazing, and I don't regret it. Even though I know I should. It seems the spark is just gone from our relationship now. (Mine and my boyfriends)

What should I do? Should I just put my feelings aside and try to work out my relationship with Dean, or am I just staying with him because he's "safe" and someone I can trust? Do you think I am honestly just staying with him because If I take a chance with John then there's a chance I'll get hurt?

Wow...that wasn't short at all. Kudos to whoever reads through it and trys to help.

Signed,
Some other devoted columnist on this site

Well, as confusing as your situation seems to you, it's an obvious solution. Dean really doesn't belong in the picture anymore. The spark is gone, you think about this other guy, and if you were truly in love with Dean you would have regretted kissing John and you admit that you really don't regret it.

So, I think you have to do the hard thing and break it to Dean that the chemistry isn't there anymore. He probably will be very depressed and angry, so if he gets angry and says mean things, just take it and leave him alone because thats what he will need.

And advice in the future, try not to mess things up with John because you're pretty lucky that Dean forgave you like that because you might cheat later on and that guy you cheated on might not forgive you. Not that I'm saying you cheat all the time or anything, but I just thought it could help to give you a heads up:)

And thank you for using grammer in your question, I appreciate it! Especially in long ones.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: theres this guy who i like and he's like my second guy best friend. he's been in a few complicated relationships before and i've always helped him, given him advice with his problems, etc. i never really looked at him than more than a friend because he always had a girlfriend. so a few months ago, (he was single) i realized i liked him. i opened my mouth to say "i think i like you" and before i said anything he says "so i heard anna likes me" and he has this curious smirk on his face and i said that i didn't know if she did and then i asked if he liked her and he said he wasn't sure. now, about a month later him and "anna" are sort of involved. they've kissed once but they fight all the time and just like always he comes back to me for advice. now normally i'd tell him to forget about her because she's causing him so much stress but the thing is, "anna" is one of my best friends and i wouldn't want to be responsible for breaking her heart. but i really really really reallllyyy like this guy. he's so perfect. he has the body, brains, and an amazing personality. my mom likes him too. lol. i really think we can work, considering i know his relationship details that "anna" does not. i know what girls do that he hates, i know what he loves when girls do. (non-sexual). i know his quirks and his flaws and he knows mine. i just want to be with him so bad and it sounds horrible but i want him to think about me more than "anna". he already calls me at midnight when he can't sleep, or when he's depressed. what am i supposed to do?!

You kind of have to think about exactly what you're getting yourself into. You like your best friend's boyfriend, and thats a pretty huge problem because if you do decide to tell him you like him, you're doing more than that.

You're risking your friendship with Anna. I mean, I understand that you pretty much liked him before Anna ever did, but Anna will not understand that. She will probably get pretty upset if she found out you liked him and everything. I'm sure you're aware of this of course. But I'm just wondering, do you care what Anna will think if you decide to confess your feelings?

About him coming to you for advice, that's just honestly not right, I mean I'm sure you love being there for him, but you're caught in the middle. And if you want him to stop asking you for advice about your best friend, you just have to say,"I think you should talk to Anna, because I want to be here for you, but I really don't think Anna would like us talking about her and your relationship drama"

I think it's great that your mom likes him, it truly s, but you have to make a decision. Whose more important? Anna or your best guy friend?

In my opinion, I think if you want any slightest chance with keeping both Anna and him in your life, you need to wait until they're over. But it's really up to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I will be going into high school as a freshman come September. I am really nervous and people say "watch your backs if you want to fit in." Well I fucked that up already coming out. I want to join the cheerleading team, but I don't want a lot of people to say shit to me. Any advice?

Your feelings are the exact same as everyone else going into high school. And this whole 'watch your back if you want to fit in' is very untrue and stupid. In fact, lots of people describe high school as very memorable an whether that be because of the sports, clubs, new friends or a high school sweetheart, everyone fits in high school.

Go for cheerleading, if thats what you really want to do, don't let anything stop you. Thats the first step in fitting in, is joining apart of a team or group to make new friends. Yes, there will be tough times when people are mean or ignorant, but honestly, it's not something huge that people should warn you about because it's the opinions of your classmates and you're familiar with them! So it shouldn't be harder than before. The only big thing is finding what you want to do with your life, colleges, and then graduation. So don't let people scare you off from what you want out of your high school experience. Best of luck!

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okay so my dad is like in looove with his new wife. we just bought a boat and he told me that it was for him and his wife to spend time together. i mean all they do is spend time together. never with me and my brother.and she doesn't really stay home when it is time to like clean or work. and then again today we saw a little tiny boat and he said that, that was what we were going to get then i was like then we all couldn't go on and he was like it would only be me and my wife. i am just sick of it and it bothers me because before her i was daddys little girl. i miss that. what should i do.

sorry its soo long and weird.

I understand how you feel. Your dad definitely hasn't forgotten you and your brother, he's just not balancing the time he spends with you correctly.

As hard as it seems, the only real solution is to just come out and say,"When can we hang out again like old times, dad?" or "Hey dad, I'd love to go on the boat with you sometime" something along those lines.

I really sympathize for you about being his little girl and you always will be, but it just won't be the same sadly. You just have to let him get all of this spending time with his new wife until they finally just come out of that honeymoon phase. Trust me, things will change eventually. But you should speak up and remind your dad that you don't want to be left behind.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: my dad is really nice to me and everything and he does alot for me but when my sister or mom get him mad he takes it out on me...what should i do? how do i get him to stop? please don't say talk to him cause i already tried that and he said he wasn't taking his anger out on me. thanks.

I'm familiar with this problem actually, and the best thing to do is try your best to get away from your dad when you are aware he's angry. Go in your room, call someone, go to a friends house maybe.

Your dad loves you, and I'm sure you know this, and it's definitely not right for him to be angry at you for something else that's happened.

If there are times when you have to deal with your dad's anger, it's better to just go along and say,"I'm really sorry you're angry" and just try not to trigger his anger more by yelling back if he yells. I think eventually he'll understand that your not part of the reason he's mad, and maybe that won't happen. But do your best to just be quiet and distant when he's angry.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: first thing. me and by boyfriend are 13. (in 5 days i will be 14)

ok, ive been going out with someone for 10 months. I really love him. (hes my first boyfriend, and he's had other girlfriends) He had some kind of cancer (ok, i know im not the best girlfriend b/c idk what it was.) and his parents are divorced. his mom is married again and has 3 kids... my boyfriend sometimes acts really immature because hes used to hanging around his brother and sisters (ages 4-7). but other times he acts really mature. when i want him to act mature hes not!
We barely ever kiss. and the only time we do, he just gives me a peck on the lips!!! I'm not sure what to do. I really want to kiss more and i want him to act more romantic (not like sex or anything.)and we never hold hands! evryone last year of school was saying "You 2 should hold hands". he asked me if i cared, and i said not really, then he said if you want to, we can. but i was to nervous to say YES (because he is my first boyfriend.)! HE ACTS LIKE A LITTLE KID HALF OF THE TIME!!! when we talk on the phone, we barely talk, hes just watching tv most of the time!!! or speaking random nonsense!!
Please, what should I do? and im sorry if this is a long explanation!

I know you want to cuddle and be very close to him and kiss him a lot, and he probably wants the same thing, he might be doing the exact same thing as you by just not saying anything about it and not making a move.

But, if you really want him to lighten up and act like your boyfriend, you have to make the first move. I mean yes, this is your first boyfriend and you feel scared and very new to this, but if you just reach out and hold his hand, he's not going to reject you if he really loves you. You just have to hold his hand or just say, "I love kissing you" and then kiss him to hint around that you want a little more from him.

About the immaturity thing, he's bound to be a little playful having younger siblings, and the fact that he's a boy. So make the best of it. He's playful, play fight with him, all the more excuse for you to get closer and have more fun with him, right?

About the birthday thing, just don't expect something huge. He will likely get you something for your birthday, but you just have to appreciate the fact that he's giving you something and that you have something great going with him. I mean he's your first boyfriend, what could be better at a time like this in your life?

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i have a default layout for my myspace. a cool one not the one they give u. anyways i want mine to be skinny. how do i do it?? or where do i get it??

I have a few sites for you that has the type of layout you're looking for.

http://www.codemylayout.com/myspace-layouts/cat.php?id=16

http://www.myspaceaid.com/myspace-layouts/cat.php?id=16

http://www.layoutsduh.com/myspace-layouts/cat.php?id=1

http://www.mygirlyspace.com/myspace-layouts/cat.php?id=1

I hope these helped. I'm not sure what you meant by "How do I do it?" but if you meant something different, just leave it in my inbox or rating box:)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I dont Kno What to Do!! There is this kid i like and he has a long distance Girlfreind, they have been dating for almost a year now. i really like him, i knew him all my life and now i have feelings for him. i dont want to brake them up and make them upset, but i want him. we have had some amazing moments, and hes been telling me that he wants to break up with her cuz he thinks she cheating. she swears shes not.what can i do to pass the time of them being together? help!

Thankyou ps: Im 14/F

You really have to think about what you're saying here. You want this guy, and you want them to break up.

Just think about this: If you were with this guy, would you want a girl coming onto him and hoping the two of you will break up? Probably not.

Think about the fact that he's saying he'll get together with you if his girlfriend is cheating. That will likely be a long wait. Since the relationship with her is long distance, he probably craves the female attention because he can't kiss, touch, or hold his girlfriend, so he might be finding that comfort in you. I might be wrong, but don't be the girl he comes to after he talks to his girlfriend the same night.

His girlfriend really wants him too, just as much as you do probably, so just think about the other side of things.

To pass the time, live your life and meet new guys! I bet you can find amazing guys that will be single and want to have fun with you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okay so ive liked this guy for a year now. we dated last summer, but he broke up with me for different reasons. im still not over him, he meant a lot to me and still does. were best friends and he knows that i like him. hes bisexual and he has a girlfriend, whom hes been dating for 3 months now. she lets him have sex with other guys and she doesnt count that as cheating. the only thing is he had sex with me twice while going out with her. he acts like he likes me and he gives me mixed signals. for the past year he has liked me on and off but weve never done anything about it. generally he does want to have sex a lot with anyone that will give it to him, but im still trying to figure out if he had sex with me because he likes me, or just because he thinks its fun and just wanted it from someone. its really confusing. i cant ask my friends about it cuz theyre friends with him too. so if anyone knows please help me!

This is probably hard for you to have a guy that you still very much love and yet he's giving you mixed signals and messing with your head.

I wouldn't exactly say he's using you, but I definitely suggest you stop having sex with him or kissing him while he has a girlfriend. If he really cared and liked you, he would have tossed his girlfriend of 3 months for you. That probably upsets you a lot because it's not what you want to hear, but honestly, this guy can't make up his mind and you deserve a guy who is sure about you, don't you think?

So, I think what you should do is just maintain a friendship with him and hang out with other friends and take time away from him. The more time you spend away from him, you'll get better and you 'll get over him faster.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 15/F - Me
15/M - Dan

** - Note - The question is the last paragraph so you may not need to read the entire bulk of writing, however skimming through it will tell you what has previously happened and why I am asking the question. **

My school has a soccer academy program, the guys in the program take their own bus afterschool.

A few weeks ago myself and a friend were standing waiting for a ride when one of the soccer guys (who I know likes me) came up and said Dan liked me a lot. I said I didn't know who he was, although at that time I had seen Dan around once or twice. A few minutes later the soccer guys began yelling from their bus for me to come over and talk to Dan but I didn't.

For the next few days after the soccer guys kept talking about me as I walked past them in the hall (we have lockers in the same hall at opposite ends). However, I still didn't talk to Dan.

Ever since then I have noticed Dan's friends hit him (to make him notice) every single time when I walk by and Dan always pretends like his friends didn't do anything.

On Tuesday one of Dan's best friends told me he was 'like in love with me and always talks about me' but I have never actually talked to Dan in my life. We don't have any classes together.

I would really like to talk to Dan, or get him to talk to me. If we don't have any classes together and I previously acted like I didn't know who he was, what can I do?

Is there anyway to flirt with him from afar?

Thanks so much

Sorry it took me a few days to answer! I havn't been checking my old email that notifies me when I have a question, so I apologize.

It's really hard to just walk up and start talking to someone, but inyour situation you kind of have to do that. Maybe you could just go to him and say, "Hey, I'm (your name), I've heard a lot about you and I thought maybe I could just get to know you myself instead of listening to the rumors" or something like that. You have to have something to say to start out a conversation and it could work.

Flirting from afar would be when you flash a smile or wink as you walk by him or play shoving maybe. Saying hi could work too.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okay well my EX is trying to get with one of my CLOSEST friends and i dont know what to do,i mean i know that seh likes him and i dont want to ruin that for her, but there are 3 things:
1. he still is tryin to get back with his EX
2. he treated me like shit so i kno hell do the same with her
3. hes MY EX!!!
how do i tell her how i feel and that i disagree with them getting together???

It's best that you come forward with your feelings and tell her that if her and your Ex start dating at all, then you will be very hurt and your friendship with her may not be as good or even be there at all.

However, you have to keep remembering that it's ok for her to have a crush on your Ex, feelings cannot be controlled and so what'll matter is that she doesn't go for him or try to. But, you don't really have to tell her that she'll get treated badly, listing off reasons like those won't change her mind about it. Every girl thinks that they are different than the girl before and they have to learn that they aren't.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok i was thinking, would it be stupid to lie and say that i have a boyfriend when i get there? like i could say it to my friends, and it would eventually get to him, or is it better to just act like friends..and hope he gets the message? cause im thinking.. like what if he asks me "wtf? what's with the whole gi´ving me the cold shoulder, not flirting back thing..?" like i cant say "yeah ive been in love with you for two years, and i got so deserate that i went to an advice site and they told me to act like "just friends" because i gotta get over you.." you know?? like should i make up a reason for not being as friendly as i normally am (maybe a religious reason, or boyfriend, or ive decided to respect my parents who say i cant date..) or just say "i dont know, i guess im just not that into you anymore.." because i dont think telling him the truth would be that good, you know? what do you think??

I think the boyfriend idea is good. You don't have to say that much about him, but that will work out. But if you want to be honest, I wouldn't suggest saying it like that.

You would just say, "Well, I've liked you for a while and I'm just moving on now because you aren't available" and then thats that. But whatever helps you better as long as you start to avoid flirting as much with this guy as much as possible.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm 17 years old, and my ex boyfriend is 15. We went out for a little bit and then my boyfriend broke up with me because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and that we may get back together when he's ready for a relationship in the future. We'll a month went by and today me and him were talking about things and he told me he has been doing alot of thinking lately and maybe wants a girlfriend. First, I thought maybe he wants to get back together with me and then after he's like well.. i want to ask you something and tell you that i met another girl and she wants a relationship and i like her but i dont want to hurt you because i broke up with you cause i wasnt ready for a relationship and now i am and i dont have strong feelings for you anymore so would it bother you if i went out with her. It truely hit me like a brick and I told him "well what i dont understand is that why you would break up with me and then just get over me so quickly and now when your ready for a relationship and you dont want to be with me anymore?" after he looked sad and guilty and just stopped talking about it. my question is.. what should i try to say to him? and do you think i should try to get him back before he goes out with that girl? Thanks in advice.

You shouldn't try getting him back. Clearly he wants someone else and he's not going to go back out with you anytime soon. He seemed to be very concerned as a friend to ask you if it would bother you, but you probably shouldn't question what happened in the past with you both. It just gets you hurt and it puts him in an uncomfortable position.

What you need to do is tell him that if he's ready to date again, then go date again. Even if you don't want him to. You can't hold this guy back from dating new girls as much as you'd like to.

Listen, he may not have moved on a fast as it looks like here. He might be just dating again to date and have a girlfriend. But its time for you to move on too and you will in time. Just don't try to beg for this guy or anything. I promise, it gets you nowhere except rejection and making you feel like crap for doing so.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hey, im the girl who asked the question about the boy who gets sooo close to other girls..

okay i like that whole say "aww" instead of "i miss you too" thing.. but here's some more details, because i dont really know who acting like that would work in my case..

see maybe you got that already, but he lives kinda far away, and i only see him once in a while, next time i see him will be xmas. And the thing is, i cant play that whole "we're just friends" game because that's not the kind of relationship we have. We met a few years ago, he had a girlfriend, but we flirted like crazy.. he kept saying "if i didnt have a gf i would kiss you right now" but i didnt wanna kiss me or let him kiss me because that would be totally disresepctful towards his gf! so anyway, we talked online ALOT and he was always like "if i dont have a gf next time you come...-" you know what im saying right? so i was like "what excactly are you thinking cause alot of things are going through my mind right now!" and he'd be like "haha, im just saying..if both of us are single, make sure you give me a call!" (the reason im telling you this is so you understand we're not really friends..like there's no point in meeting him at all if my intentions are just to be friends.. we both know it.. its like, the times ive been in his town, when ive had a boyfriend, i dont call him, but the times ive been single, ive called him.. you understand? like whenever one of us cant be more than "just friends" we're nothing, we dont talk, we just postpone it until next time when we're single..

so how do i do this? how do i show him that he needs to make a move, and let go of other girls (i dont wanna tell him!) i liked the idea of saying "aww" insetad of "i miss you" and things like that.. but how can i do more things like that in my situation??

he's not really a jerk, he's actually really romantic, and treats me really well, but he doesnt take me as seriously as i take him, ve built my whole life around him, he doesnt even know anything about me..

should i really try to get over him? cause im not sure it'll work! and if so, should i just make sure not to see him this xmas?

thank you soooooooooooo much!

Hey there again!

Look, I know this guy isn't a jerk, but it honestly doesn't matter what kind of guy he is. I mean, it's just really unfair to hear that you've liked this guy for years and nothing has happened. I don't mean to make you feel hurt or anything, but you should have given up a long time ago.

I know you guys have an intense friendship that may not be where you can just turn off your normal mode with him, but in a way you have to. He always says, "If only I didn't have a girlfriend" as if he has no control. If he really wanted to be your boyfriend so much, he would have broken up with his girlfriend and went for you. He's had tons of chances to be with you and tons of time to dump a current girlfriend and make his move, but he didn't.

Did you consider the possibility that maybe he was joking? Let me tell you, I just went through this thing with this guy where he would make comments to me that were very flirty and I fell for them hard and he turned around and said it was a joke. This completely crushed my feelings because he even told me afterwards that they weren’t jokes and he flat out denied it because he had a girlfriend. So I mean maybe this guy is playing with your mind and hasn't had the brains to tell you that he doesn't mean it. I don't know if that’s true, but it could be.

You can play off the whole, "We're just friends" thing. You may not be feeling that way, but you can act like it towards him. If you do it enough, you will start going by that. As long as you don't show your emotions to him and only behind closed doors where he'll never know, he will be fooled. Don't convince yourself that you can't get over this guy. Sure, there will always be a special feeling you have when you see him, but you are capable to truly move on and get over this guy because he doesn't want to make his move. You can't really keep seeing him and flirting with him and listening to his, "If only I didn't have a girlfriend" comments only to be crushed when another year goes by of the exact same routine.

I think its best that you don't see him very often like you said. You should spend that spare time with friends or off somewhere else instead of being at home and thinking about him and getting on the internet to check his away messages and all of those other things that involve him.

I think your best bet is to try your hardest not to see him for a while. It won't make you happy, but it will make you better in the long run to feel happier without him in your life. I can't tell you what to do, but I think it could make you a lot stronger if you really saw how much fun you can have with other guys and not just him.

I really hope I've helped in some way, if you need any further help, you know I'm here:)

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
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