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Playing it safe?
I will make this as short as possible, because I know I hate rading long winded questions...
I kissed this one guy at a party, I'll call him John, while I was still seeing my boyfriend(of 11 months) whom I'll call Dean.
John and I have tried to be friends before, but it just doesn't work out. We always end up bantering but that always ends in arguements, but he's really smart and sweet at times and he challeges me. The thing is he always hits on me, people say he likes me, I say I'm a conquest.
So anyway... John came to my neighborhood, where my boyfriend and I live to see me after the party where we kissed. He ran into my boyfriend and told him we kissed before I got a chance to and my boyfriend broke up with me. He said he would have been able to forgive me if it was anybody else, but he hates John.
My parents invited John and his family over the next day for dinner, which was a Saturday. I found out and I pretended to be sick to get out of dinner so maybe I wouldn't have to see John, but my mother sent him up to my room with medicine and water. He figured out I wasn't really sick and we got into this fight because he said I was avoiding him and I yelled at him for telling my boyfriend, ex now, about the kiss, even though I practically begged him not to.
Then somehow, don't ask me how, fighting turned into a make-out session and we almost had sex. We probably would have if my mother hadn't sent up my brother to check on us. My brother walked in on us and yelled at John, he went back downstairs and an hour later his family left.
My boyfriend called me that night, said he forgave me, and we got back together. Then the next day at school John said he wanted to talk to me, he told me he loved me and that I was never a conquest to him. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend and that he was sorry for everything he'd ever done to me and said. I told him I got back together with my boyfriend and that I loved Dean. That was a lie, I don't love him. He said some really hurtful things to me. Mostly about me being scared and running away from my feelings and only staying with Dean because he is "safe"...
I am so confused, I should be happy. I'm back together with my boyfriend, but things aren't the same. I can't keep my mind off John, or the things we've done. I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet...but I almost did with John and I'm alright with that. Now my boyfriend is pushing for sex...and I just can't. And even though I didn't sleep with John, what we did it was amazing, and I don't regret it. Even though I know I should. It seems the spark is just gone from our relationship now. (Mine and my boyfriends)
What should I do? Should I just put my feelings aside and try to work out my relationship with Dean, or am I just staying with him because he's "safe" and someone I can trust? Do you think I am honestly just staying with him because If I take a chance with John then there's a chance I'll get hurt?
Wow...that wasn't short at all. Kudos to whoever reads through it and trys to help.
Signed,
Some other devoted columnist on this site
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I think you know the answers to your question. You are staying with Dean because he's safe. You're avioding John because you can get hurt.
I think you know what you need to do. You don't love Dean. You know what you want. So do it.
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Well, as confusing as your situation seems to you, it's an obvious solution. Dean really doesn't belong in the picture anymore. The spark is gone, you think about this other guy, and if you were truly in love with Dean you would have regretted kissing John and you admit that you really don't regret it.
So, I think you have to do the hard thing and break it to Dean that the chemistry isn't there anymore. He probably will be very depressed and angry, so if he gets angry and says mean things, just take it and leave him alone because thats what he will need.
And advice in the future, try not to mess things up with John because you're pretty lucky that Dean forgave you like that because you might cheat later on and that guy you cheated on might not forgive you. Not that I'm saying you cheat all the time or anything, but I just thought it could help to give you a heads up:)
And thank you for using grammer in your question, I appreciate it! Especially in long ones.
-TheTeenGirl
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I think youve already answered those questions. If you dont love your boyfriend you should tell him that. I dont think its really fair for him to be in a relationship if you dont love him. You may get hurt from the other guy. but what would a relationship be if you didnt fight. I hope everything works out.
Best of Luck,
Jenna
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Sounds like you already know the answer but trying to talk yourself out it. You and John have been playing this cat and mouse game for awhile so it seems, now everything is out in the open. Life is too short for you not to be true to yourself. What about Dean, is it fair to stay in a relationship with him when your heart is somewhere else? Ask yourself this question, "Will I be okay with everything when I look back on the situation years from now?" In life there are no guarantees. You only live once, so make every moment count.
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