|
My soon to be inlaws hate me
I'm a 19 year old female who is getting married soon and I am meeting my new soon to be inlaws now and things aren't going so great. My problem is that we were all outside smoking and I had my fiance's and mine cigarettes and he came over and told me to give him a cigarette. I told him that I would if he would ask me, so he said give me a fuckin cigareete. I kept saying that if he said please and asked me I would so he got mad and walked away. His aunt is over protected and he's a mommas boy. She got mad at me and I feel like I did something wrong when I think I didn't do anything. I don't know how to handle this cause I know he will not stand up to her. I want us to handle our disagreements in private. Don't know what to do please help me....!!!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You certainly have a right to tell him how you want to be treated. However, I am not entirely sure the way that you did it was appropriate. Was that your natural behavior requesting him to say please or was something else going on with you that would cause you to act differently. It sucks, but sometimes you have to do certain things to win over in-laws and then gradually introduce your idiosyncracies. Otherwise, they feel like you are coming in and changing things. Good luck on your wedding!
]
First of all, it is not wrong of you to expect your fiance to ask you politely for something instead of demanding it from you. In my opinion, in this case, I think you may have overreacted, unless it was said in a demeaning tone of voice. You said you wanted to keep your disputes private, right? You should have given him the cigarette, and later, in private, explained to him that you did not appreciate him barking orders at you in front of his family. Correcting him in front of his family is only going to make him defensive, and in turn make his family wonder what he's getting himself into.
]
Well, maybe they didn't like what you asked him to do about the cigareete. I, personally, feel that what you did was a little controling. He is not a child and does not need to be told to ask nicely to have a cigareete. He is an adult and can do as he pleases, and shouldn't be told what do to by his fiance, especially since what you told him to do was kind of " mother-ish " like.
And, of course his mother doesn't like you. You're taking her baby son away from her. She feels that he is growing up too fast. That he won't need her anymore since he has you. This is often common in a mother-son relationship, rather in a mother-daughter. In a mother-daughter relationship , the mother is happy and excited that their daughter is getting married. In the other case, the mother is sad and worried that her son will not need her anymore, to cook, clean, ect.
His family is like that because they're looking out for him, and trying to see what's best.
Couples always want their disagreements to happen and be discused in private but it doesn't always happen that way.
So, I would give it alittle time and I think you are overreacting about this situation.
Hope I helped ?
]
If you really love him and he really loves you, his aunt will see that and hopefully she'll respect that.
Obviously the atmosphere around his relatives is different than when around just you. Try to adjust for him but if you find it to be too difficult, don't sweat it. Families have their road bumps, and you're almost officially part of that family.
I hope they treat you more like a valued family member. And good luck!
]
There definitely needs to be a serious talk with your soon to be husband. Just the fact that he's a 'momma's boy' and doesn't talk to you respectfully is a preview of what's to come in your marriage with him.
When you see your fiance, you need to stand up for yourself and state your feelings in the matter. Something along the lines of...
"We fought over something very stupid the other day, and all I asked was a little bit of respect and that could have been done with no fighting. But, when we do fight, I don't want your family intruding on our problems. We we will be married soon and we need to take care of our own problems like married people do."
And if he completely disagrees with that statement, I think you better deeply rethink marrying him. You're 19, honestly, whats the rush here? He's probably a 'momma's boy' because hes probably around your age and thats young to be walking down the aisle! You may do whatever you wish, but make sure that what you want to do is not going to hurt you later.
-TheTeenGirl
]
More Questions: |