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i am 15 years old and i have a bf we have been together for 9 month and some days we havent been seeing each for a while but it seem like the less were together the futher were moving apart what should i do (link)
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Sometimes you need to make time to see each other. it doesn't have to be everyday because the anticipation of seeing each other gives you a stronger appreciation for your relationship. Just make the time for each other to enjoy each other's company.
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My fiancée and I have been together for five years. We are both 28. We have a beautiful one year old daughter together. Before we were pregnant, he spent his days off fishing and shooting guns with his friends and it wasn't that big of a deal. After we had our daughter he spends his two days off and sometimes takes a day off to go fishing. I'm a stay at home mom and I take care of our daughter 24/7. He may feed her and give her a bath. Lately we've been getting into arguments about the amount of time he fishes. He admitted to me that he will never stop fishing and that if I don't "get over it" that this relationship will never work. I don't care that he fishes. I care that he's never here and he doesn't care. He doesn't think it's a big deal. Is this something I just have to deal with or is there any hope in him changing? (link)
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I think the bigger thing is here is when you have a child your whole dynamic changes. He is trying to live the life he did before you had the baby. It's not about giving up fishing but about how he incorporates it into a life with you and you two's daughter. With change it's not always simple but also there is an element to change that is necessary and makes life better for people. I think here is finding the right balance because you miss him and want more of his company as well which is extremly important. I think too that is spending time with him to help the relationship grow more. Maybe there is a way that you could go fishing with him to spend time on what he likes so then he can stay with you more and fish less knowing that you two are comprising to build a better and stronger life for your family.
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I have been dating a guy for awhile now and we recently started having sex. Everything is great in that regard except for one issue. He likes me to go down on him every time we have sex. I don't mind it and actually enjoy it, but I think every time is a little much because in my opinion, it will get boring and repetitive. On top of that, he does not go down on me. I don't believe that to be much of a problem since I've never really been into it, but I'd feel better if he'd at least offer. How do I navigate this touchy situation in a still new relationship? 25/f (link)
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It's not a touchy situation. Well it is when you think about it. LOL. Actually communication is the right key. Sometimes even humor can bring a new element to a relationship as for example you can laugh about it by telling him something like: "If I'm having to play fetch with a stick then you are gonna have to make a journey to the jungle or island from below." I think anything being honest about how you feel and teling him that you want to try new things will even elevate it up even more. Don't be afraid to talk about things like that because that's a conversation guys don't mind having if there are newer and better ways to spice up your sex life. Keep things interesting and communicate on ways to enjoy it all even better because that's what helps relationships grow.
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Hi. 25/f, here. I'm confused. Like, very. I'm about to go into a graduate program for clinical psychology and I can't figure this out. I need another (few) sets of intelligent eyes on this situation to help me.
So, my boyfriend and I broke up a couple days ago. Prior to all that, we were on a break, and a friend of his made it all but stupidly obvious that he has a thing for me. I've known it for quite awhile, thanks to a couple we're-the-only-people-awake-this-ridiculously-late style conversations, including his being very supportive while I was losing my mind about my then boyfriend and his immaturity issues. I was honestly hoping it would all remain platonic and it'd be fine. I was hoping my - well, now my ex - boyfriend and I would get back together and this guy would scooch out of the picture, respecting his friend and knowing that I would never do something so disrespectful as cheating.
Buuut we broke up instead.
Now I'm confused, because on some level I think I'm attracted to this guy. He's nowhere near my "type," but he's intelligent, he's interested in me and my life, he's independent, and... I don't know. Loathe as I am to admit it, I don't think I could ever be sexually attracted to a heavier guy. I work hard on my body, running is a big part of my life, and I don't know if I could deal with someone who doesn't match me in that sense.
But really - am I just rebounding? Should I even consider this as a possibility?
My life is ridiculous... (link)
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People can tell you that you should wait or you should go for it. Doesn't really matter what they think. First of all, you have to know what you want, in a man, in a relationship and in life. What kind of value would this guy bring you? What kind of value would you bring to him? I mean if it's the weight issue, talk to him and see if he's willing to work at it. If he cares about you enough and cares about himself to want to live a longer life than he will. Too many people are afraid to speak their mind because they fear in hurting others. Honesty is a great release from stressful and self-tormenting emotions. I think if anything when you know what you want and see someone you think can give that too you it's a lot easier to lay more focus on that. You say that you are attracted to him yet the physical aspect is unbecoming. If he has interest in you then why don't you two sit down and make a list of your likes and dislikes. If two people value any type of friendship or relationship they need to realize that only the strong ones survive on honesty. Even honesty which to some may seem a little brutal is much better than living a deceitful and unbecoming reality that two people down the road could despise and hate about one another. For you a conversation about the "physical" element can be good because you can tell him your concerns in regards to living a healthier and longer life with one another. But you also it's important because you have to give him the opportunity to be honest about something that bothers him about you. Only then will you be able to move forward and see whether or not this is something worth pursuing. Stay Strong!
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So I'm 17 and go to college in England.
I get very high grades and have lots of plans for the future in terms of career and stuff. I'm friendly with alot of people.
But everyday when I walk around college, I feel self consciouss. Like no one ever comments on how nice I look/dont look.I'm very thin and have thick brown hair (when all girls have straight hair)
I know that alot of girls try alot harder than me on their appearence, probably sacrificing their grades along the way.
How can I feel attractive in myself? Is there anything I should wear/do/say? (link)
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Sometimes our insecurities can come from two different places, what people say and what people don't say. I find it that when people don't say anything you feel self conscious because you may feel no one likes you. First, you have to start liking and appreciating yourself better. The fact that you do well and school and have future plans speaks volumes about you. And you are friendly with a lot of people which is good. But if you are looking for reassurance than just look for it within yourself. Be comfortable with who you are and where you are going. There will be people that will tell you that you look good or even compliment you but that should never define you. Be confident with yourself. If you are always looking for compliments than you lose sight of more important and valuable things in your life. Your self-respect and dignity is never questioned when you are comfortable with yourself. Just enjoy your life and be happy with who you are because bigger and better things are yet to come.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about there years. I love him but I don't feel like im sexually attracted to him. We can be having sex and he can turn me on but then when I look at his face it turns me off. Like his face looks so ugly up close and the way he kisses me turns me off really bad sometimes. Idk what to do. I want to be with him. Is there any way this could change? He often accuses me of cheating and now I've started having thoughts of cheating.I have never cheated on anyone before. I just want to see if anyone has been through this and if there is hope.
(link)
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Not sure who decided to give you that advice below about just ending it because that's not how relationships really work. You say that you want to be with him yet you are not attracted to him and he turns you on in bed but his face doesn't. Seems here that there is a bigger issue here that hascaused a rift between you two and even has him being insecure and causing you to have other thoughts. Sometimes honesty is the best answer before any action is taken. If you are honest about the way you feel and what your thoughts are then you can see if it is time to move on. Just don't make that hasty decision because there are times people just react and then live in regret. Tell him how you feel about everything and what is bothering you about him. If he reacts in a way that causes you to want to break up with him then so be it. But at least talk and see first before anything. Couples will go through their trials and tribulations but it's the ones that are willing to at least be honest and say things that will define whether or not they should stay or move on with each other. You can't say you want to be with someone yet find things unappealing about them without being honest and telling them how you feel to see if there is anything worth there or just a change needing to be made. Sometimes people do things right and wrong which makes us see them as appealing or unattractive. If you decide to break up and move on, make sure you have the right reasons and knowing that you don't want to be with him. As I said you can't say you want to be with someone and use reasons why you don't. It's either you do or either you don't but talking and being honest with what you feel will give you that clarity on what to do.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now,I keep finding so many old pictures when I am on his laptop searching for OUR pictures and it makes me nauseous. They briefly lived together for about 5 months and were dating for almost 2 years. Before that he has had multiple relationships, but he tells me I'm the one.. why do i find that hard to believe he may have told the others the same. He is my first everything and I am 21 years old, he is 24 years old. How do I know hes the one for me because he was my only one? I'm envious that he and his ex even moved in together but he told me she was crazy. (link)
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People have many fears and insecurities in life. It seems that your's is the fear that you would be put in the same category as the ex. No matter what we see if we are not comfortable with ourselves then it's harder to be comfortable or secure with others. I don't think it's the pictures that bothers you rather more than what they represent. People tend to live in the past or even let the past affect them in some way. Being secure and happy with yourself, gives you a more appealing picture for him to know that he is lucky and that the past is what it is nothing more. We all have reminders of what we have been through to get to where we are. Instead of letting the pictures define your relationship just be secure and let him know that you understand that they are just a reminder of what he had to go through to find the "right" girl. And that you are secure with yourself to know that he is a lucky guy himself because he found someone truly to appreciate.
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I'm scared my parents fight a lot and I'm the oldest of three kids ( my 8 year old sister and my 4 year old brother) I'm supposed to comfort them but I don't know how to calm my sisters fears without her knowing mine I want to be there for them but I can't do that without crying myself what should I do? (link)
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It's never easy having to hear parents argue and yell at each other. It's also not easy being strong but the fact that you are being there for your sister and brother speaks volumes of strength about you. Don't let the negative aspects of what your parents are doing make you feel that you will not be a family. No matter what you and your siblings will ALWAYS be a family. What you need is to find that strength in yourself and know that no matter what happens you and your sister and brother will be fine. Never doubt yourself and never let anyone tell you differently. As you continue to find that strength it will sooth the pain and fears that your sister and brother are feeling because they will look to you and see that strength and know that no matter what it will be ok.
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I asked many questions about this girl and seeking help but something that made me think for awhile happened today. So there is this girl that i asked out once but she rejected me, but after awhile we just returned to being friends, there is another girl that i like right now and i have been flirting and we just hug because she does it to many people and we are friends. But today after school we had rehearsals because we joined a play, and my character gets to be flirty and kissy with the character of the girl that rejected me, so we had fun, but the girl i liked looked for some reason sad or concentrated or something, but she wasnt happy. could it be a coincidence or was it something else? (link)
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Sometimes communication is an important key to a relationship whether it's friendship or more. If you care for the girl in whatever fashion you should ask her. If she tells you then you will know and if she doesn't want to talk about it just tell her ok but that you will be there for her if she needs to talk or vent. Sometimes they will just come out and share what they are feeling or what is going through their mind or in their life. But at least you are being a person who shows that they care.
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This is the 2 time I've been posting on this board and to be honest things haven't gotten better they've just gotten worse. I would post the other question but I don't want an ip bann.
At this point I just feel like giving up on this dump I call a life. Schools trash, all I see when I go to school is 3 things druggies, rich kids, smart kids. I at this point just keep to myself and try not to talk much and this is really affecting me in a negative way as I can't get help from any classmates and ussually end up doing long heavy work enducing projects meant for 2 alone. And this comes back to the point that I just feel like giving up. I've missed almost 22 days of school just because of stupid fights at home and if im late 12 more times or miss school 2 more days I fail the 9th grade. Pressures stacking and I just can't do this. My school counselor messed up my schedule and now because of that I have to take classes next year with kids younger than me and I can't even take any fun/semi-interesting classes with my friends. My grades aren't bad most are A's with the exception of 2 f's i got last quarter because of a bad teacher and once again not doing projects because of the ammount of work. I tried telling my parent but to no surprise they don't listen and compare to my sisters or other kids. I just want to say to hell with this and just sleep an eternity away. Overall schools terrible, homelifes crap and I honestly don't even feel the need to do this shit anymore. Rage is bottled up inside and I feel like one day im just going to snap and hurt someone. I need help but I have no one to turn to, no one. Please help me, I can't continue this anymore... (link)
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Life hasn't failed you. It's your story that is being told here. The best stories that we hear in life are the ones when people overcome obstacles. These are just obstacles that you will overcome if you believe in yourself. But the fact of the matter is you have to be strong and take responsability when it comes to your life. Life isn't suppose to be easy, but doesn't mean you have to make it any harder. Think about something you really like to do,hobbies, sports, etc. Something that brings you joy in your life. Take the strength from that and utilize it in other parts of your life. You can't be conformed by the negative aspects of the world. We all have certain gifts and talents including yourself. That is what sets you apart from others. Once you tap into that gift it will help you and give you a better perspective on things and how you can make your life better. You can act depressed but if it's mental then transform your mind into a more positive state to where obstacles in your life can be conquered. Anger, rage and the comaparison of siblings and people to you are just things that should motivate you to know that whatever gift or talent you possess it makes you stand out from everyone else. Don't live your life like it's not worth anything, because that's not true. Your life is about celebrating and making an impact for other people who will go through the same trials and tribulations as you are going through but for you to overcome them and teach others that they can too. BE STRONG and HAVE FAITH, The best is yet to come.
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Ok so I have a small crush on him but he is constantly hugging me from behind and he lays his head on my shoulder and offers me his jacket I don't know if he's being nice or if he likes me and there's times when he will just hold me today he told me he didn't want me to leave after school when I was getting on the bus so what do I do? (link)
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The reason you might be nervous in this case is because you may fear that he wouldn't feel the same way you do about him. The signs show that he does like you but we also never want to assume and fall on our faces. I think if anything, talk to him and see. If he has a crush then great and go with it. If he doesn't then that's ok too because at least you were honest with yourself to go for it. Don't be one of those people that ever ask "what if" in their life. It's easier to find out and know either way so you know how to move forward with your life. And if he doesn't feel the same then someone else out there is the right one for you. But at least you can say that you weren't afraid to let yourself be happy and no matter what happiness will find you either here or somewhere else. Be Strong!
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So I'm a girl and don't talk to any guys.
Recently I was in a group interview and noticed how the other girls spoke to the guys with ease. I thought it was because they knew each other-but they didn't!
Its just idk i just think whenever I talk to a guy they'll just presume I like them like that. How do you talk to guys because this isn't healthy! (link)
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Sometimes listening before saying anything is a good way for you to engage conversation. Let guys around you talk and then chime in on the conversation. Doesn't mean you like someone if they bring up a topic first and then gets you in there to talk about it. Sometimes a great listener will have a better chance of keeping the conversation going rather than talking someone's head off. Remember it's a conversation, not an interview!
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Im in this relationship with this guy that i've liked for a few years now. AT first he was only my bestfriend but then it got more when i told him i liked him. We went out once for about 3weeks and then i broke it off. About 2-3months later we got back together. Anyways its been a year now, and this guy, well he's the type of person that girls will be bestfriends with. Our relationship is great, and im crazy for this guy. Its just, i dont want to be. I hate that i care, and i hate that with him i get jealous. I dont want to care for anyone this much, this young. Ive tried not talking to him, ive tried ignoring him. Iv tried to tell myself, remind myself thats its only a crush. That it will end soon, but im lying to myself. But somehow, he always has me answering the phones, he has me waiting for his phones calls, i dont want to be tied down this young. But i cant help it. He just makes me smile everyday, he just makes life better. How do i STOP caring about this guy? (link)
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The fact of the matter is that people are flawed and have insecurities. These seem to be your insecurities coming out. We all have them. Both men and women. The question you have to ask yourself is that can you see yourself waking up to this person the rest of your life? Does this person add or multiply to your life? Do they bring value or make you a better person? This is where you have to communicate with that person and tell them how you feel. Only the right person can help you with your flaws and insecurities because in turn you will help him with his own. Once you talk and see how he feels and what he says, it can help you move forward in the relationship or move on to someone who will fulfill your needs as you will theirs.
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I would like some advice on how to support my family members with the loss of both our mom and sister. My mom passed away on 4/7/2011 from cancer and my younger sister was by her bedside for six month taking care of her. Only leaving her side for about an hour a day. We had services for our mom and after a couple of weeks my sister went to Florida to get away and visit some friends on the day she was do to return (5/8/2011) she was shot and killed. Our family had yet to start the grieving process for our mom when this occurred and now we face this. As of yet there are no leads of who or why this was done and has left a lot of unanswered questions for our family. I am asking for suggestion on how to support my family in this terrible time because right now it seems like everyone is going there own ways. (link)
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Loss is very hard in any family. When we lose someone close to us many questions are asked. "Why did this happen?" "What could have I done to prevent this?" "Who to blame. Questions like that make us lose focus on the actual truths in life. Your family needs a source of strength. Someoene that can pull them out of the dark and despair they are in because of the moment. One way is being there and letting them know that you are there for them. Remembering the good times with your mom and sister help. Getting together and telling stories about fun and crazy things your family did together is a way of honoring their lives. Give your family that hope knowing that their lives were not lost for nothing. You can even create a monthly or annual reunion to get together to honor them. It's being that person that steps out of the shadows and let's everyone in your family know that how important it is to appreciate each other and take that step because down the road you will be the one being honored as they are.
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There is a guy that I have feelings for and I thought he had feeligs for me. I have been trying to date him. However, he is constantly busy and can't seem to make time for me. Should I take it as a sign that he is not interested? I've always been under the impression that a guy will make time to see you if he is really interested. Help!
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The question is that have you told him how you felt and not the "I like you" version? Having feelings for someone and depending on how strong they ar determines whether or not it's worth pursuing. Also believing in yourself and seeing if this person is worth is as you are is all about working to make it happen. Women and men may be different but when it comes to the relationship aspect all they both want is someone who makes them a better person than they already are. Someone who will challenge them. Someone who will support them in what they do and who they are. Someone who won't judge them. The question is with this person you have feelings for and may or may not have told them how you felt. If there is a past between you that affects that situation then deal with it and see. But unless you are truly honest with that person, you will never know whether to stay or move on. Be confident for you and all will work. Happiness will find you either way.
The difference between the " I like You" and "I have feelings for you" is exactly what they say. " I like you" is more of an interest in that person with no investment and no expectation. It is the beginning of something but not too deep into anything. "Having feelings" on the other hand is a huge investment and something worth fighting for. If this is the person you can see yourself with and makes you a better person when you are with them then do something about it. It all depends on the nature of the relationship and how long you've known this person and what is the exact feeling you have for them. Is it "like" or something beyond that. And if they're too busy then what has happened in the past to cause them not to make the time. Or be confident with yourself and tell them how you feel. Stop fearing rejection if it happens because you only learn from it not live by it.
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okay, ive had sex with my ex and my current boyfriend.. i use to be able to orgasim on top during sex but now i cant even do that ANYMORE. maybe its because i use to be tigether.. i dont understand why everyone else ENJOYS SEX AND I CANT. ive looked on google bllablahblagh excercise does nothing. honestly i dont even feel fit to be a women, i almost comitted suicide because of it. whats the point of being a women if you cant climax from sex? I know it sounds stupid but i wanna enjoy it like everyone else. Everytime me and my boyfriend try of course he loves it but i literally feel something for ten seconds then NOTHING. i hate myself. i hate my body. i just want to enjoy sex like everyone else cause everytime me and my boyfriend try and it doesnt feel good i contemplate suicide. (link)
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The question is here is not why you can't enjoy sex. It's more why are you not letting yourself enjoy sex. You seem to ask too many questions about yourself as feeling you are not good enough or reassuring yourself of who u are. Sometimes we lose our way and it contemplates thoughts in our heads and can distract us during different times even during sex. The question is what made or is currently making u not be yourself and fixing that aspect where everything else will fall into place. Sex is something you appreciate and enjoy because you are celebrating you and your partner. But if you have to think about it or feel distracted because you are not together with yourself then it becomes a distraction. Suicide is just a cowardly way of saying you're not worth anything and for you to think that is absurd. Appreciate yourself more like your boyfriend does and you will feel whole again!
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This boy I have been dating for a year and a half just dumped me. He has done this several times since november. He always ends up coming back. He thinks hes not good enough for me because he isnt doing well in college and is basically doing nothing right now. The problem is, I cant get him out of my head. It happened friday, he called me that night but i ended the conversation early. Then he called me twice on saturday but I ignored them because I dont know what he could possibly want to say to a girl he dumped? I guess I just dont know what to do. I know I SHOULD move on. but I kind of want to talk to him, but I will probably end up getting sucked back in. I love him a lot and Im scared if i move on until maybe hes made himself happy more than I will loose him forever or he will find another girl or something. Theres so much anxiety that I have. But everyones telling me its the best thing for me to be without him because I am driven and doing well while he doesn't really move on. Any thoughts or words of wisdom to help me would be greatly appreciated. Ive never felt this lost :/ (link)
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Not an easy thing to do because you have that "get use to" syndrome that many women have because dating someone that long, it's all you know. What baffles me is that if he is feeling so insecure about how college and life is going why would he push away the one good constant in his life. And should you feel like the person that should be at his beckoning call? Maybe you should have one LAST conversation and see but also ask yourself if this is the person you can see yourself waking up to in the morning and feeling that you made the right choice. Because not letting yourself feel or enjoy your life to feel for this person or whoever you end up with would be such a waste. If he is not secure enough with himself, how will he ever be secure enough with you. Don't question yourself but just find out so you can move on with or without him and don't let him cheat you of that by you haveing to constantly think about it. You go girl!
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23/f
I don't even know where to start. I was in an abusive relationship with a man I thought I'd marry, until he hurt me. He stopped me from running away from him by grabbing my throat from behind and tossing me in the opposite direction...so I have whiplash, and maybe a disk problem. Now I wake up every day in severe neck and back pain, and sometimes it's just really difficult to convince myself to keep going.
Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. I'm just severely unmotivated, to the point that I forget to eat, have no appetite, want to do nothing but sleep and cuddle my cat, and feel uncomfortable out of my apartment for more than a couple of hours.
I have a job, and I love my job, but the pain is making it so difficult recently...people depend on me, and I find myself not caring, which is wholly unlike me.
I'm seeing a pain management specialist and I've had procedures done, I'm on pain medication and antidepressants, and I just...I don't know.
Anyone have any words of encouragement? I just...need a kind word or two... :(
Thanks to all who respond. (link)
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The hardest thing about being in a relationship is seeing the person for who they really are. Whether we like or dislike what we see always determines what the outcome will be. The only thing here is that you saw more of yourself and questioning yourself of why you were with someone like this and now feeling that you are not wanted or even emotionally distraught about enjoying things and people in your life because of what this person took away from you. Just remember who you are and the people that add and multiply to your life and embrace it for what it brings you. Don't let what this man did define who you are. Having the courage to leave was a great step and remember that you have done something that many women arent doing right now. Be proud of yourself and remember that there is someone out there whoi will embrace and aapreciate the strong and passionate woman that you are. When you wake up in the morning and look into that mirror be proud of the person who decided to take a stand and not let herself be manipulated or controlled and is ready to live life to the fullest.
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i really want to die. this feeling never goes away. i'm not exaggerating, i've felt this way for almost a decade.
I've done everything. many types of therapy, different drugs, trying to OD, i still cut myself.
I'm sick of it.
Peoplesay they care, but it's so fickle. when they decide they don't need me, they change their minds.
My mom hates me.
My dad left because of me.
My family blames me.
I have no friends.
I just want a way to end this.
I'm sick of people telling me to not do it, because it doesn't help, it makes me feel worse.
ODing doesn't work, i can't get my hands on a firearm.
If life wants me to quit so badly, why can't it make it easier to do so? (link)
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The problem isnt whether you think people like you or not, it's if you like yourself. Many people are so consumed with the fact that they have to make people like them or even get approval just to feel justified. When all that really matters is that you live life for you and start to build on that. Don't be consumed by what others think and say. Build your life and successes for you. The right people will come along to support those successes. Remember that one time or another people feel alone and feel depressed. At the end of the day the only person that can overcome it is themselves. Don't let people dictate how or what you should be and live your own life to the fullest and make your own happiness. Everything else will fall into place.
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So I did something to make my husband not trust me (FYI, I have been married for 10 years and am having a significant b-day soon; perhaps I am in mid-life crisis mode). Actually more than one thing, two things. (1) I had two flirtations on FACEBOOK; strictly 2-dimensional, but definitely behaviour inappropriate for a married woman. Got caught, with one, fessed up to the other in an effor to be truthful. Deactivated my FACEBOOK; that was 3 1/2 months ago. (2) I sent an e-mail to an ex of mine admitting some unresolved feelings and wondering if we ever could have made it together; my husband found this e-mail {yes, by poking thru my personal stuff}. I maintain that ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, and that these were thoughts conveyed in the e-mail with no interest in acting on these thoughts. He maintains that I had an 'emotional affair', (yes from one e-mail) and says he wants to forgive me but needs to takl about it 5x a week. What should I do? (link)
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Dear Mrs. Breech,
Let me take this moment to tell you that sometimes it's harder to lie than tell the truth. What you need to be asking yourself is that do yiou still love your husband or are you still IN LOVE with your husband? People get them confused because they try to justify their actions and feelings by saying one and not meaning another. Being honest with yourself will make it easier to be honest with your husband and others. Do you see yourself with your husband or has that time with him just become what it has become? If you have children together, then you two need to make a decision on what you want because it affects them most of all. Whether it's the children you have now or any on the way then you must make that decison with each other. Do not let unresolved feelings or desires for others control the marriage. If you want to stay together BOTH not ONE of you need to be committed to the marraige. If not, then walk away with your dignities and whatever respect you have for each other left and live your lives the way you want so you or your children do not get hurt anymore. You guys need a serious talk now before it is too late.
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