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Rebound...???
Hi. 25/f, here. I'm confused. Like, very. I'm about to go into a graduate program for clinical psychology and I can't figure this out. I need another (few) sets of intelligent eyes on this situation to help me.
So, my boyfriend and I broke up a couple days ago. Prior to all that, we were on a break, and a friend of his made it all but stupidly obvious that he has a thing for me. I've known it for quite awhile, thanks to a couple we're-the-only-people-awake-this-ridiculously-late style conversations, including his being very supportive while I was losing my mind about my then boyfriend and his immaturity issues. I was honestly hoping it would all remain platonic and it'd be fine. I was hoping my - well, now my ex - boyfriend and I would get back together and this guy would scooch out of the picture, respecting his friend and knowing that I would never do something so disrespectful as cheating.
Buuut we broke up instead.
Now I'm confused, because on some level I think I'm attracted to this guy. He's nowhere near my "type," but he's intelligent, he's interested in me and my life, he's independent, and... I don't know. Loathe as I am to admit it, I don't think I could ever be sexually attracted to a heavier guy. I work hard on my body, running is a big part of my life, and I don't know if I could deal with someone who doesn't match me in that sense.
But really - am I just rebounding? Should I even consider this as a possibility?
My life is ridiculous...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
People can tell you that you should wait or you should go for it. Doesn't really matter what they think. First of all, you have to know what you want, in a man, in a relationship and in life. What kind of value would this guy bring you? What kind of value would you bring to him? I mean if it's the weight issue, talk to him and see if he's willing to work at it. If he cares about you enough and cares about himself to want to live a longer life than he will. Too many people are afraid to speak their mind because they fear in hurting others. Honesty is a great release from stressful and self-tormenting emotions. I think if anything when you know what you want and see someone you think can give that too you it's a lot easier to lay more focus on that. You say that you are attracted to him yet the physical aspect is unbecoming. If he has interest in you then why don't you two sit down and make a list of your likes and dislikes. If two people value any type of friendship or relationship they need to realize that only the strong ones survive on honesty. Even honesty which to some may seem a little brutal is much better than living a deceitful and unbecoming reality that two people down the road could despise and hate about one another. For you a conversation about the "physical" element can be good because you can tell him your concerns in regards to living a healthier and longer life with one another. But you also it's important because you have to give him the opportunity to be honest about something that bothers him about you. Only then will you be able to move forward and see whether or not this is something worth pursuing. Stay Strong!
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I don't like the notion that any guy you date immediately after breaking up with the last is a "rebound", and therefore verboten. I started seeing my now-husband the day after I broke up with my then-boyfriend. Obviously that worked out just fine!
The best way to make sure you're not rebounding is to take it slow. Get to know this guy slowly. Spend some time with him. See if once the fog of break-up clears, you're still feeling the same about this friend.
Having a "type" is a pretty harmful way to go about things. Sure, we all have physical types that we go for, but what if the person we really click with is in a different body? Do we just discount them because their packaging is wrong? I had a friend who dated only 6'+, blonde hockey players for years. She wondered why the relationships never worked out until she finally started dating outside of her type. Now she's engaged to a phenomenal guy who doesn't fit the mould.
Especially if the only thing wrong with this guy is his weight, that's no reason to discount the possibility that you two will click. Weight can change, and your attitude towards weight can change. You never know. So give it a shot! It sounds like this guy is a winner in every other regard.
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More so than not, I root for the underdog. But, as in putting myself in your shoes, it seems to me like a rebound. Usually the rule I have is if you wouldn't/couldn't brag about them(looks included) to your bestfriend, then he's probably a rebound. And if you have to ASK yourself if he's a rebound, then he probably is. I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time, but from the outside looking in, that's the way it seems.
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