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Fiancée only seems to care about himself.
My fiancée and I have been together for five years. We are both 28. We have a beautiful one year old daughter together. Before we were pregnant, he spent his days off fishing and shooting guns with his friends and it wasn't that big of a deal. After we had our daughter he spends his two days off and sometimes takes a day off to go fishing. I'm a stay at home mom and I take care of our daughter 24/7. He may feed her and give her a bath. Lately we've been getting into arguments about the amount of time he fishes. He admitted to me that he will never stop fishing and that if I don't "get over it" that this relationship will never work. I don't care that he fishes. I care that he's never here and he doesn't care. He doesn't think it's a big deal. Is this something I just have to deal with or is there any hope in him changing?
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I think the bigger thing is here is when you have a child your whole dynamic changes. He is trying to live the life he did before you had the baby. It's not about giving up fishing but about how he incorporates it into a life with you and you two's daughter. With change it's not always simple but also there is an element to change that is necessary and makes life better for people. I think here is finding the right balance because you miss him and want more of his company as well which is extremly important. I think too that is spending time with him to help the relationship grow more. Maybe there is a way that you could go fishing with him to spend time on what he likes so then he can stay with you more and fish less knowing that you two are comprising to build a better and stronger life for your family.
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I think that you should sit down with your fiancee and explain to him why you think he should limit his fishing time. Explain to him that you feel you are doing everything for your daughter and would like his help.
Maybe you could work on certain set times for fishing that you both could agree on and you could make a chart for which of you does what different days.
Instead of yelling, calmly explain your oppinion and reasons that you support it.
Good Luck!
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Well, you tell him he's right - if he feels that he absolutely must be free to enjoy his leisure sport, ever weekend, and on frequent weekdays, with no negotiation or input from his life partner, than this relationship will never work.
In fact, almost not relationship could ever work, so long as he behaves in such a selfish, arrogant way.
Because that is not okay, respectful, or fair. You didn't sign up to be a constant babysitter and single parent to your child while he fishes, or plays golf, or played boardgames with friends. It doesn't matter what his leisure activity is - he doesn't get to simply demand that all his spare time gets devoted to it. You and his daughter deserve a present and attentive husband and father. You also deserve at least some leisure time of your own.
You don't need to deal with it - unless you want too. If you can't deal with this, then you need to start being clear about that. Stop letting him be the one who says "If you can't handle this, it's over" and start standing up for yourself - If he can't be respectful, then it is over.
If this is a deal you can accept, okay. If this behavior is a deal breaker, let him know.
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