How old are you? Fighting can get out of hand...especially when people are under stress and say things that they don't really believe to be true, but say them to vent. This escalation of emotions needs to stop, so that you both can live in peace together and deal with disputes in a mutually respectful fashion. The easiest answer may also be the hardest to do. Quit arguing with your mom. Just let her have her say and walk away. Later when you are both calm, you can bring up the subject in a respectful tone and ask her when she may be more receptive to your side of things. This is going to be challenging for you, but it is the quickest way to stop the fighting. Take a few long deep breaths and hold your tongue. We all need to learn to do this more, not just you....in this case, to change your circumstance immediately, you will have to be the one to find the inner strength to do this. Hopefully your mom will learn from your behavior and follow suit eventually. Good luck and be strong.

Having people around us is what makes us feel secure as humans...very few of us can be loners and healthy for long periods of time. However, becoming too involved with others or letting them influence you in personal matters where you should be the one in charge is going to cost you. There are many kinds of friendships and relationships we have with others. Don't hold it against them too much that you let them control some of your decision making. That is your weakness, not theirs. Until you take full responsibility for your actions, you will continue to let yourself be persuaded against your own common sense and feelings, and at the mercy of what other people think and say. All humans judge. Quit worrying so much about that human trait and don't take it personally. If you were really confident about your boyfriend and being with him, it would matter less to you what others think of him. Your friends have been there for you, but that does not mean they need to agree with you or each other on everything. That is phony and insincere. Truer friendships come with maturity and understanding of these things. Consider this one more life lesson. No matter how many friends one has, the ultimate choices we make are our own, and we all must be strong enough to stand alone when we must. Otherwise, we lose ourselves. Your guy may be a "nice guy" but humans are complex and your friends may have concerns that love is too blind to see...just listen to them with an open mind and thank them for their concern. Be the mature friend who can take criticism and still live her own life joyfully. My experience is that living your life this way will weed out the phony friends and leave you to bloom among the best.

They probably don't realize how it is affecting you. Talk to them. Tell them everything you feel and think about what is going on in your life and how their actions are making you feel. You have a right to express yourself and a right to all of your feelings. Talk to others also. Friends, trusted adults, teachers, counselors...ask your parents to take you to family therapy if you are not already going. Therapy can be free for kids through many community services and schools. Even the local police dept should be able to give you some phone numbers. You are important and need to be heard. This is not an uncommon occurance and is not anyone's fault...sometimes it just happens. Things will be tough, but they will get better. You will be okay. Talk and be open with your concerns. Bless you and your family.

Continue to use the antibacterial soap in the shower, and buy a bottle of Bactine. I know that the new mode of thinking is to not touch the piercing or put anything on it, but trust me. In the old days the Bactine was squirted on the area all day long practically and it kept infections out. You have an infection. If the Bactine does not clear it out in a couple days, go see a physician. Keep the area totally clean and dry...not rubbing on clothing etc inbetween Bactine cleaning.

Poor guy. You won't believe him and all these other people have it out for him. He sounds like a really great guy and totally trust worthy. He even went out of his way to hang out with another girl just to prove his love to you. What a guy, what a saint! Okay...hopefully you got the sarcasm. Why do women hold onto a fantasy and buy into bull that they know does not make any kind of sense? Fear. You think that if there is just the tiniest possibility in the universe that this guy really is just a victim of rumors and coincidence, that you won't lose him. Women are so loyal to an ideal, that we can totally lose our grip on reality. Here is a brand new idea. You are totally capable of seeing what is right in front of your nose. You are not paranoid. You are not emotional. You sound very logical to me and are not trying to get out of this relationship by blowing something out of proportion. You know that he has been manipulating you, but some guys...including this one, will lie to you until the bitter end, even with a hand caught in the cookie jar. One year has been wasted giving him chances to prove himself, and he has over and over and over...now you need to accept that and move on without him. Don't wait for a total confession. Trust the facts and your own gut.

You sound like someone who has his own mind. Other than the sexual differences, do the two of the get along, enjoy each other and have fun together. If not, then sexual incompatability may be the least of your concerns. Mutual respect and friendship need to be in place before sex enters the picture. Somewhere along the line this young woman decided it is okay to insult you to get what she wants. Does she do this much to manipulate situations? The only way she will respect your choices and you is if you stand your ground. If you are not enough for her as you are, and she is unwilling to let it go without fighting, then the two of you should separate.

Wow, did not take long for him to blame you. Well, he is probably just feeling insecure. However, a blaming game in this arena prevents anyone from winning. Since you both sound inexperienced it will require patience and practice in a relaxed setting where you are totally in control of your own body and emotions. If this is not how you feel with this guy, maybe he is not the one for you, or you may be unready still for a serious physical relationship. You can accomplish more on your own if this is the case and later instruct or show your partner how to please you. Most women require an encouraging and supportive partner, oral stimulation or manual, and some a vibrator to discover what a true orgasm is. It is definately worth pursuing, but not stressing over. Insecurity pushes the big O away from you, while steady practice and confidence will bring you what you seek. What you need to "do" is find out for yourself what you want and not over think it. Women tend to overthink everything and not just let go and let themselves enjoy sex. Of course, this will come with maturity. I hope this takes a little of the mystery out of it, but not too much. There is a great deal of mystery and magic when it comes to human sexuality and that is part of the fun, so embrace it.

Respect is taught. You will gain respect as you modify your own behavior to warrant it from others. It does not have anything to do with our looks...there are all sorts of people in this world small and large with varying degrees of abilities and challenges. The story is the same for every person when it comes to gaining respect from others. First you must respect yourself. The world will not be fooled if you don't have inner strength. Read up on the subject in the self-help section of your library. The classic book, BOUNDARIES by Anne Katherine is a good one to start. It is a short book and easy to follow, but will change your life. Bless you on your journey.

The spirit world is real. I say this as a skeptic and person who questions most everything. Be true to yourself and take it for what it is, not what other people say about it. Be open but not unaware, careful, not not afraid. Do not add more or take away from what really happened for anyone. The universe, the unseen chooses us when and where it wishes, and we are blessed for it.

I am not clear about what exactly you are being asked to help with. It helps to be specific. Do you feel like you owe your family this? I really can't give you my best advice without more detail, but I seriously doubt you have an obligation or the expertise to improve this child's life. The parents are the ones responsible, and if the grandparents (your folks) want to pitch in and help, then that is fine. Are you very old yourself? You deserve to concentrate on raising yourself more as a young adult and making something of your life.

First of all, no I have never heard of that crass saying until now. Thanks for the enlightenment. However, did it ever occur to you that you are the bored one? Sounds like it from here anyway. It is common to project or pass on our fears and feelings onto our partners/friends/lovers, when we are afraid or not willing to own them ourselves. This means I want you to really be honest with yourself about what you want. Don't sabotage the relationship with negativity and fear. Sometimes the thing we focus on whether we want it or not, becomes our reality. The universe will send you the thing you spend your energy attracting. If you send out doubt and insecurity you will set yourself up to get it. Change your thinking and your life.

All guys are obnoxious...no matter what color. Ha-Ha! Okay..let's leave the stereotypes alone and concentrate on you. The key to attraction is within not outside of you. Be the best you and have a positive attitude and do not disqualify friendships and potential relationships at first glance. You may meet the sibling or best friend of your perfect guy first, so keep an open mind. I am not saying to date or befriend people that are vastly below your standards, but just be aware that you never know how you will find your dream guy. When you do discover love or passion, let it be based upon mutual respect and not skin color.

It means he is on your mind...maybe you miss him? I think you should follow your heart and your dream...no regrets!

Pineapple!

First and foremost, be totally honest with your wife about your struggles. This will give you accountability. If this is too difficult for you, then at least find a couselor to open up to about it and maybe with the couselor you can talk to your wife at a later time.
Second, realize that this obsession you have with Jane is only a fantasy and will not be as good in reality. Your wife, heck even Jane herself cannot compete with the fantasy of Jane. The reality of day to day with problems and boring details would suffocate that fantasy after a few months. Many people learn this only after giving into temptation and screwing up their lives and those around them. Live in reality. When you catch yourself daydreaming, stop it. It is a lie that is sweet at first, and bitter and ugly later.
Third, Puhleaze! Everyone who has been in a long term relationship has been "in your shoes." It stinks, but it is your own mess. Don't start telling me you would leave your wife because she can do better and deserves more...yeah, she probably could and does, but to use that to justify you leaving her to pursue your fantasy is a weak copout. If you are going to be dumb and chase this fantasy until it bites your ass, then do it honestly and not under a guise of being moral. There is nothing right about a wrong.
Fourth and then I am done. You, yes YOU deserve more from life then what you have been settling for. You don't have to torture yourself and let yourself be torn away from a good woman to be fulfilled. There are many ways to bring love and passion into your marriage as it is right now. You just have to let go and have a little faith and humility. Love your wife with your whole self, and hold nothing back from her. Give her everything she wants from you and ask nothing. The way to fall back in love deeper than before, is a road of selflessness. Ironically this will lead to your greatest satisfaction and you will be so thankful that you did not throw something priceless out for a cheap imitation.

Women tend to be stronger when it comes to pain endurance. Of course, it is individual and subjective. Worse than the temporary pain, could be enduring remorse over a costly and permanent mistake. Yeah, you could have a costly and much more painful procedure down the road to remove an unwanted tattoo, but why put yourself through all that misery? The pain should be the last thing you worry about...make sure you really can't live without the image you pick or just wait until that time comes.

Yeah, you have been given lots of info. on the many risks, so I will only add this. You do not need to try so hard. Don't do something or be talked into anything just to "show him that i love him"...blah blah blah. That is so typical of the girl who is insecure and the guy that takes advantage..it is really a boring old story. There is nothing about any sexual or non-sexual activity that "proves your love" or any other ridiculous notion. If he pushes you or bugs you about doing anything you really are not into, but feel obligated out of "love" then you need to do yourself a big favor and call off the wedding. Your fiance is most likely wanting to have anal sex because he is either gay or has been watching porn. Find out which it is before trying on white dresses.

Be honest but don't give it all away at once. You could respond by telling him you are interested, and want to give him a chance. Just keep in mind that slower is always better and games are for children.

You are not the first woman to be plagued by a fantasy man. Even though you actually were with this real guy, in your thoughts he is who you would like him to be...a dream man. This is a waste of time, but like any habit or addiction, hard to let go of. The key is to replace the fantasy with your reality piece by piece...like splashing cold water on your face and reminding yourself of what you have now. Face what you need to change in your life now to make yourself happy, so that you are no longer tempted to zone out and escape with the fantasy. The feelings you have in the fantasy feel real, but they are based on a lie. Don't cheat yourself out of the real time you have on this Earth to love and be loved by the man at your side. No man can be everything to a woman...ten years of marriage has taught you that. Remember that the two of you are still just human and don't try to be the perfect couple. It is almost impossible to not take each other for granted in this situation...hey, it happens. Work on yourself and bring some new good positive things into your life...be your own best friend and couselor and live out your best day today. We never know how much time we have left.

Pick a theme...Luau is great one to start summer with...it can be beautiful with some exotic flowers and a few traditional island drinks and foods to make it special, along with the usual variety of salads etc...a professional would have a theme and keep it mostly simple with just a few breathtaking additions. Mix pre-made with home-made to get the best of both and don't forget the ice!

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

Website:
E-mail:
Gender:
Location:
Occupation:
Age:
Member Since:
Answers:
Last Update:
Visitors:
Main Categories:




Favorite Columnists