HectorJr's advice column

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Q: What are ways to boost my self-esteem?

You could try a few things. Write down a list of all the good things about you and all the things you like about yourself; it can be anything you want. Try not to think so negative about yourself or things you have done. Instead of always thinking 'Oh I shouldn't have done that; I keep making mistakes', think 'Hey I'm glad I said that; Its a good thing I did do that'.

If you hear people say things to you or about you, don't let it get to you. Nobody knows you better than yourself, so don't keep anything bad about you overshadow all the good things about you. Remind yourself of all the good things about yourself.

Hope that helped and good luck. Just don't let anything anybody may say get to you, because thats letting them win.

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a month, and i have been on holiday for 2 weeks. He has been dropping hints that he might be telling me he loves me soon, but he has chickened out. But this is good, because i dont love him. If he tells me he loves me what should i say back, because i dont love him. 16/f if that helps, hes 19

If you don't love him, you should tell him right away. Don't wait for him to come around either. If you've been going out for that long, then you owe it to eachother to be honest, so definatley tell him before things get further. If you keep things going, it will only hurt the both of you more.

As for how to tell him...thats up to you. Make sure that when you do tell him, you are straightfoward about it and very clear. No point in keeping somebody thinking you love them when you don't. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: how do you approach a stranger at a party? i'm a really shy 16 year old, and i can't approach strangers. what's an easy way to? what's your experience with approaching people? don't be scared and just do it? but do what?

You can start off by asking a simple question. Try something like: Hey how long have you been here; Do you know who so-and-so is; Hey where did you get that shirt. Stuff like that. Music is always a good ice breaker, so talk about that.

As for meeting people...how would you feel if somebody approached you and was nice and cool. Would you tell them off? No of course not. So try that - don't be too afraid or too aproachful, just act like you know them. Hope that helpd and good luck.

Q: whats your favorite song??

this question is so we can all learn new and different songs just for the fun of it.

A little bit of everything...

Boom! - The Roots
Way Away - Yellowcard
Everything by Coldplay
Michael - Franz Ferdinand
Riders On The Storm - The Doors
I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
I Feel Free; N.S.U.; I'm So Glad; Crossroads - Cream

Q: what are some good tips on studying for school like tests and just stuff?

I use a few methods, since not all the tests I take are in the same format. Let me make it simple.

- If its a bunch of notes: read over them a lot. Break them down into pieces and sections and look over the first part twice. Then read over the second part once, and first part once. Then move onto the third part once, and second one again. Etc etc. Every five or so go back and re-read everything that you've read already.

If its a bunch of names, dates, small facts: write them down. Get scrap paper or index cards and just right them down and read it over.

For essays: write them down again too. The first few times, like 2 or 3, copy the essay, then gradually try to re-write it from memory.

You can always take facts and make your own quiz/test. It sounds stupid, but you'll know the questions and answers that will probably be on your test. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: =( This has been really bugging me; I really like this guy. I've only known him for 2 weeks, and talked to him a few times, but I can't stop thinking about him. He's such a great guy, and I'm happy for any girl who gets him. But I can't get him off my head.

What's wrong with me? :(

Nothing is wrong with you. You might be in love, but don't call it that just yet - because love takes a lot of time. Get to talk to the guy some more before you know if you really do like him or not. There might be some things that you might not like about him. Nothing is wrong with you and thats completley normal - happens to the best of us. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: me and my ex have been broken up for 5 months now but I cant seem to get over him.
We happen to have a class together and we sit next to eachother (seeting chart). Well we didn't talk the first week we were in that class then on Friday he started talkin to me. And ever since then we've been flirting. I know that we will not get back together, but he confuses me sometimes because he starts the flirting at times. Then we both happen to have 1st lunch and there's this girl who is all over him and that when I first experienced jelousy, I wanted to rip her face off and smash whatever is left on the ground. I don't like to feel jelousy because I want to get over him. I just dont know what to do.

Hmm first since you do sit next to him and get a chance to talk, write everything that you just wrote on a piece of paper and have him read it - or just simply tell him. For all you know he could still be liking you and wanting to get back, but feel that you don't feel the same as him. You need to be honest and let him know what you think and how you feel so that he can do the same. Don't give up on him just because of that girl. Give it some time and give him a chance to sort out his feelings and everything. Don't expect the worst for when you tell him. He might actually feel the same way, he went out with you before, so why not again. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: All right. So this summer, I've had two loves.
-Let's call her "June". I met June online on a roleplaying game. I liked her, she liked me. We weren't going to get serious, I just loved to be around her. But I recently got permanantly banned from that game. I have no way to contact her at all. What do I do?
-Let's call her "Summer". I first met Summer in science class, and I just thought "Wow, she's a hyperactive freak." Then we became friends, and everyone thought she was flirting with me. We both denied that we liked each other. But then at the start of the summer I realized that I missed her and I really did love her. So then I told her that. And she said basically that she was really sorry, but she only liked me as a friend, etc. Then later after she got back from a vacation she told me she had been thinking about me the whole time she was on vacation (I was thinking about her the whole time, too) and she said that what she had previously said, she didn't know if it was true or not, she wasn't sure if she liked me or not. But I'm madly in love with her, and I'll do anything for her! Anything! I lost an hour of sleep last night due to thinking about her!
Then one day I looked on her website. Turns out, she had had a recent boyfriend who broke up with her because he hated her frequent spaz attacks. Well, I think she's funny when she spazzes, but whatever. This really didn't mean all that much to me... until I listened to my iPod. In the song "Break My Stride" (I don't know who the original is, I'm listening to AC Rock) there's a line "You look at me and you see your past. Is that the reason why you're running so fast?" And that got me thinking. Hm! Summer thinks about me and she remembered her other boyfriend who was her friend first, but then boyfriend, and now they're off speaking terms! Maybe she just doesn't want that to happen to me also! But her previous boyfriend obviously wasn't the real thing. I know that kid, and he's not the kind of guy who involves with true love. He's the kind of guy who just goes for the reputation, the street cred. I need to show Summer that this is the real thing... that I wouldn't break up with her, no way, no how... I know what love is, and I want to make her know the real thing too. Please, I'm so distraught whenever I think about her, I can't continue with my life! And never being able to talk to June again doesn't exactly help!

I'm sorry it was so long. I just really need help. And I've asked smaller questions, and some people have said that I can just pick up any girl that I want to based on my question, but I don't like anyone else. Just Summer, June, and Summer. Thank you SOOOOOO MUCH!

Hmm this one sounds like a challege. Make a new username and account for your game and get back in, which means you might probably need a different e-mail as well. If all you have ever done with June is play the game with her, but not actually talk about each other a lot or hang out in person, then you shouldn't try to push for anything or expect much. Play and have fun, but don't go to far.

As for Summer...I'm guessing you didn't want to hear this answer, but you should pretty much tell her everything you wrote about her, the boyfriend thing, the hours of sleep lost, missing her, the song lyrics, etc. Why tell her everything? Well because first off you should always be honest to everyone; secondly, you would want her to do the same to you - tell you everything she thinks and feels. Pretty much just tell her everything you wrote. Ask her about her previous boyfriend. Ask her if she liked it, what didn't she like, what did she like about him or the relationship and everything. Tell her that you want to be the right guy for her and ask her for a chance. You shouldn't try to make her feel bad to go out with you or come up with a bunch of reasons why she should like you; you have to be yourself and let her like you on her own.

As for how to convince her...I'm not exactly sure, other than just be you. Really, if you try and do/say things you normally don't, then she'll realize sooner or later that it's not who you are, and that will end up hurting the both of you. Talk to her a bit more if you can. Get to know her and give her a chance to get to know you. Find out what she thinks about things and everything. Again, don't try to push for a relationship or anything like that if she said she doesn't like you. She might be afraid or hurt from the pervious relationship, so give her time. Start off by just being her friend and being there for her for anything. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Does anyone have some good, out of the ordinary, kind of crazy ideas for what I could do with my boyfriend? I don't want the relationship to be based around physical aspects, I want to be able to do other things with him. We do already, but we're running out of ideas. I live on Lake Michigan, have a reasonable budget, (but nothing too big or expensive please), and really like to try new, random, and less usual things to do with a date. Any ideas? Oh yeah, I'm 16/f.

Crazy Ideas? I'll see what I can do. Some of these might sound really stupid, but trust me - they are all out of the ordinary.

- Blindfolded mud wrestling
- Try to memorize and recite a short monologue from a play in public [see everyones reaction]
- Pretend wherever you go, one of you is blind [no offence to anyone] and that one has to lead the other...then switch when nobody is looking
- Go to a nearby park or something, each bringing a bag of several items, each one hiding thier own things and go on a treasure hunt
- Agree to use body paint to paint something on each others backs, which cannot be seen until done
- Record your own freestyle rap, where each one of you comes in every other line, make it sound crazy...then make it your song
- Try to make a movie using a video camera about what a regular day is like for each one of you

Hope thats what you were looking for, have fun.

Q: I know this is dumb but in doing a report on the 90's and i need some disney or nick tv shows that were in the 90's

Pete and Pete, Hey Dude, the old All That. Salute Your Shorts - so good. Ledgends of the Hidden Temple. Thats all I can think of for now - others have mentioned most.

Q: Ok, so I have this friend, we'll call him Nick. I've liked Nick for five years (yes, 5 years) and I think I'm really starting to like him beyond the high school standards...like I might actually be falling in love. But see, the problem is, he's my best friend. I mean, he's my ABSOLUTE BEST friend. We talk 24/7 and share everything with eachother. The other problem is, he has a girlfriend (we'll call her Meredith), who he likes more than anything in the world, and who also happens to be one of my best girl friends. Yeah, I know, big problem. The other other problem is, his girlfriend doesn't like him nearly as much. I mean, he puts sooooooo much effort into their relationship, and she sits around and does absolutely nothing, doesn't try at all. That's making him frustrated, and is causing him to like someone else, who also happens to be a best girl friend (we'll call her Annie). My luck stinks, but anyway...he says the only reason he likes Annie is because she's exactly like Meredith, only more serious when it comes to relationships. She's everything he wants Meredith to be. Annie has a boyfriend, who just happnes to be one of Nick's best guy friends...now that I type this out, I realize it's like a giant web of confusion, lol. So anyway, I have no earthly idea what to do. I know I can't tell Nick how I feel, it would freak him out...but then again, I don't think I can handle him g/o with yet ANOTHER best friend. Everytime he talks about Meredith or Annie, it drives a knife deeper and deeper into my heart. Eventually, I won't be able to handle it anymore, and that day is approching faster than it should be. I'm so lost. Someone please help me.

It sounds like you and Nick trust each other and are good friends. Ask him: hey have you noticed how you like my best friends but they like your best friends [or whatever the case may be]. You don't want to tell him, but wether you like it or not will have to tell him eventually. Talk to Annie and see if she really does like her boyfriend - don't try to find out in the wrong way, making you seem suspicious. Use your own observations to see if things will last long with Annie and Nick's best friend. Since Annie is a friend of yours, and Nick seems to like her, ask Nick what it is he likes about her. Then try and find out if you have that, or even something better. I wouldn't suggest the 'ol "get a boyfriend to make him jealous and like me" routine - it might make things worse. As much as it might hurt, I do suggest that you stick by Nick for whenever he may need you. I don't see why telling Nick that you like him as more than just a friend would freak him out. If you are honest about it, and don't make it seem like a big deal, like: we've been friends for so long and im beginning to think I like you as more than just a friend, but still respect you and won't push for a relationship and totally ok with whoever you go out with or like. If you say it to him that way, then you are simply letting him know without making it seem like you are asking for a relationship or saying that you don't want him going out with your best friends. You said you did not want him going out with them, but telling him you like him and that at the same time might be a little too much - take one step at a time. See how he reacts to that, don't expect the worst either because he is your best friend and would understand. Don't push for a relationship, have him be the one to come to you and tell you he likes you too. It might take some time, but with honesty, trust, and some patience you might find that your luck doesn't stink as much as you thought. So yes, you should tell Nick how you feel about everything, but take it one step at a time, because he might jump to the wrong conclusions if you tell him everything at once [I'm sure you would want him to tell you if he liked too]. As for him talking about your best friends...try to be there and listen. Don't take it personal or let any of it get to you, but be there for him because everybody needs somebody to talk to about their relationship [you'll be doing him the favor of being more of a friend for him]. I hope that helps and good luck.

Q: I'm going to be a freshman this year, but a few years back, when I was a sixth and seventh grader, I was constantly teasted by this boy who called be bighead (ok, so my head is bigger than normal). During eigth grade when he left for high school, it was the best year. He used to tease me, and when I told him to stop he'd just laugh. Ignoring him didn't work either. Now I'm worried he's going to be up to his old habits again. How should I handle this? By the way, there is no way I can go to the guidance counselor or tell an adult, I just can't, so please tell me how i can handle this myself.

I'm female/ 14, and no, he doesn't have a crush on me.

Don't let it get to you, really. You can definatley tune out verbal abuse, so don't pay attention. High school is a bigger place, a lot more people, so its not 100% chance that he will continue to do so. If so, just ignore him completley. If you show that it does get to you, he will continue to do so. If that doesn't work, tell a few of your close friends to be around when he does that so that they can put him down for it. Hope that helps, and good luck.

Q: Okay, I'm getting braces in a couple of months, and I was wondering how they would feel. Can anyone tell me what they're like, and what to expect?

Braces - Can't wait to get them on. Can't wait to get them off. Hmmmmmmm. For the most part it doesn't hurt. They simply use a small brush to put cement on your teeth [not the street kind]; then put on the braces and use this cool blue light. It might feel tight at first, or even feel that your teeth are going to fall off if you push on them with your tounge, but that all goes away in 3-5 days. They are a hassle, but if you do take good care definatley worth it. Don't eat cornpops right out of the box - that cost me two visits. You'll have to brush a lot more than usual, but you'll get used to it. Flossing won't be as easy, but you'll get to it. Hope that helps and good luck.

Q: I got less than a week before tryouts. How do I let my team-mates know that I'm not doing my sports in the fall season. I don't want to get made fun of or yelled at or anything by them. Is there anything I can do other than just not showing up. Everyone keeps asking me to go and work out with them, but I always come up with excuses. What should I do

15/m

tell them and just be honest, i'm sure they'll understand

Q: I'm soooo sorry once again. I'm still a little slow. This should be my last time bothering you. Well do I have to install itunes? After installing the cd that same with the ipod do I install the applecare while the ipod is still plugged to my computer? Thanks

www.itunes.com thats where you install it. applecare is something you register online. you'll enter some info and then they'll give you a page to print out with your ipod serial number, a date, etc. need anythin else feel free to ask

Q: Sorry to bother you again, but what thing do I use to charge the ipod? Is it that wire cable things? So I plug one end in the computer and one in the ipod and it will charge?

with the iPod mini, yes pluh one wire end into the iPod and the other into the computer, the USB end. thats the rectangle one with the little white stick glued to the bottom on it. you could use a seperate charger to pluh it into a wall outlet, but you need to buy that seperatley. hope that helps

Q: I just got a mini ipod and the applecare. I was wondering how do I start? Is the applecare a cd disk and do I just register online? do I have to charge the mini ipod first? I know I'm suppose to plug the thing in the back of my computer, but where? What do I do after? What if I have songs downloaded from limewire how do I get it into the ipod? Sorry for all the questions! Please Help!

Gotcha. The applecare you will have to register online. Trust me, do it as soon as possible - its worth it. Before you can use the iPod mini you will have to charge it for how long it says in the book [which I think might be 12 hours]. You plug the USB into the USB slot, which will probably near your ethernet port [jack that looks like phone line but its for cable internet]. Once you plug it in, you want to insert a CD that came with the iPod and run it.

First the songs you downloaded from limewire you need to find the folder they are in. Once you find the folder, right click on the songs and open the tab that says 'open with', then hit 'iTunes'. Once you have updated your iPod with the CD, plug your iPod in and it will automatically update the songs if they are in your iTunes library. Hope that helped

Q: me and my friend want to make a movie. but we have no idea what it should be about. but we're only 13 so we cant get a real camera and put the movie on TV. we dont do plays in front of people. haha. i have a video camera and im going to use that. but its my moms and i have to sneak it and then put it back before she gets home from work. but what should we make the movie about? and how do we do it? we're willing to put in a lot of time for this...thanks.

First you should brainstorm and come up with a more general idea of what you want to do. Do you want comedy, action, chick flick, etc? You should then come up with a plot. Like what kind of characters are involved and what happens. The problem and solution to it. Write a script first, and go from there. Be original, don't copy other movies either. Hope that helps, good luck.

Q: whats a really good .. fast .. free.. music downloader ? i have WinMX and so many of the songs arent able to be dowloaded .. i want a downloader where all the songs are goood to download and it has to be free! please help! a link to a site would also be awesome! i rate 5's.. thanks:)

Limewire. www.limewire.com
Hope that helps.

Q: I am a sophomore in high school. I have been playing volleyball since I was in 5th grade. I have played on my school team and a travel team for the past 3 years. I've also had asthma since I was 3 years old. Having asthma makes it very hard to do most of the stuff we have to do. This year, we have a new and very hard coach named Beth Ann. She expects us to be Olympic athletes. If we make one bad pass, she makes us do like 3 suicides. I can't handle that. The first day, I puked twice. Plus, the coach underestimates me. The back row passers can't make a decent pass, and I'm a middle hitter, and i make more decent passes. She doesn't tell us how to fix our mistakes, she just makes us run. We run more than play the game. I can't handle it anymore. I've just lost interest in the game.

This is the tricky part. My dad is big on watching me play volleyball. I don't want to quit, but I really think I should. My sister quit her sophomore year also. How can I break it to my dad nicely that I don't want to play anymore? I don't want to piss him off. Asthmatics shouldn't even be playing sports. Ya konw? I don't want to be a quitter, but I want to be able to breathe. Someone help! Sorry about the length! I'll rate every good answer a 5.

I'm in a very similar situation. First and formost, your health comes before anything - so if playing is killing you then just stop, reguardless of peoples reaction. If you really can't keep up with doing volley ball, then you don't have to. Explain to your dad that your asthma is making it very difficult for you to continue. Tell him about your coach and practices and how you don't enjoy it. Really, why continue something you don't have fun doing? Hmm to break it nicely? First tell him about the practices and coach, then about how asthma doesn't make it any better. Then ask him if with all of that you should continue playing volleyball - ask him like for his own personal opinion. No, it won't make you sound like a quitter, or that you are implying to give up. Surely he would understand and not say: oh I think you should just tough it out and stuff. Even if he says that you should, tell him that you don't think its a good idea. All you have to do is just make sure you are clear and let him know why it is you don't want to continue with volleyball - beacause its hurting you and not fun. Yes your father likes to watch you play, but not doing so won't make him like you less. Hope that helped and good luck.

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Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.

I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.