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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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25/f. I have been dating a guy for about 2 years and we have had a wonderful, beautiful relationship. Yesterday he asked me for a loan and it really really hurt me. I have never had a single friend in my whole life... up until him, the only people who were ever willing to spend time and get to know me were paid to do so. (Teachers, therapists, etc) I am quite well-off, my parents give me full financial support and folks I know have frequently asked me for money for this and that. It always makes me feel so worthless, like I'm an ATM machine or something. I really hoped that Eric would be different and it just makes me really really sad and disappointed. Should I just leave him now?
This is a hard one to answer for several reasons starting with the fact that you two have known each other for two years and this is the first time he has asked for a lone. You say other friends have asked you for money to the point you feel like an ATM machine; this is very understandable from one point though not knowing how long into the relationship they ask you for money makes it hard to decide what to tell you about this request.
Based on what you have written my best advice is this. IF the others immediately or shortly into a friendship or relationship start asking for money then you have every right to be hurt. You have been in a relationship with Eric for two years and this is the first time he has asked you for financial help I can understand your knee jerk reaction though I think you need to take a step back for he may just be different than the others.
If he hasn't told you what he needs to money for I think you should ask him; if it is or something frivolous then you should say no. If it is for something he really needs say for, tuition, car repairs, deposit on a new apartment or maybe he wants to buy you an engagement ring which of course he would not want to tell you about. Then based on what he needs the money for you can decide if you want to LOAN him the money.
Make sure Eric understands this is a loan not a grant and you expect to be repaid. Have him sign a loan agreement. It can be as simple as having him sign an IOU or go on line and down load a simple loan form. This way if he fails to pay you back you can take him to small claims court and have a court order for repayment which gives you options on reclaiming what you loan.
Make sure Eric understands why you need this information and why you want this to be a loan and not a gift or grant. He needs to know your feelings and how you have been hurt in the past.
Right know I would say without knowing the why of his need to leave him would be throwing the baby out with the bath water.
I'm a Sophomore in college and I feel like it's taking me way too long to graduate. I was told I can graduate in 3 years, but every semester it seems like it's taking longer and longer. I'm now looking at 4-5 years and I'm only in my second year and feeling burnt out. It's not because I'm failing classes or anything, it's all the extra courses I have to take that have nothing to do with my degree. Now I'm being told that I'm going to need my Masters on top of my bachelors to get anywhere (Healthcare Management).
I really want to travel to other countries teaching English, but I don't know how realistic that is.
I'm also tired of dating, none of the boys in my age range take life seriously and other than one relationship that lasted 3 years, the rest of my relationships have ended in 6 months or less. Sometimes I wish there was a mail order bride type service for American women because I think life would just be much easier if I could find an older gentleman to marry me who's financially well off. I really wouldn't mind being a housewife, I love to cook and take care of a home and have lots of hobbies I could keep myself busy with.
I also don't have any friends at college so I spend all my time alone. I joined a sorority, but everybody was already in cliques so I'm going to drop at the end of the semester and join some clubs next semester to see if that helps.
I just feel super lost though. I have summer vacation coming up in 4 weeks so I have some time to figure it out, but I don't even know where to start. I'm thinking about getting my TEFL over the summer (to teach English), but I really just want to know what I'm doing with my life...
First let tell you that you're not alone in how you feel. We get numerous letters on this subject all the time. As for making friends you have the right idea to join some clubs. The only suggestion I have is to find clubs you have an interest in and or have some knowledge to offer. IN this way you can join into conversations more easily and make friends.
As to finding someone for a relationship; you sound a lot like me son. Looking for a custom fit in an off the rack world. In the hit and miss world of dating there are slim chances you will find the guy you are looking for. The advice I gave my so was to join one of the dating sites there are such as match.com. I'm not sure which site my son used but it is through one of these types of dating sites he met my daughter in-law. To say they are a perfect match is an understatement. Where one is weak the other is strong.
With a dating site you put your profile in then you get to say or select what you are looking for in a match. The selections are endless to the point you can in effect place an order for the perfect match. Then the computer looks for someone looking for someone who is looking for what you’re looking for and notifies them and you. Contacts are made between you by email, then phone then in my sons’ case they met for coffee and six months later she moved in with him. The rest is history.
As for your major in Health Care, A friend of my niece is in Health Care management working for one of the biggest hospitals in the Metro Baltimore/Washington Corridor. She started with a smaller hospital gained her Masters with them and with their help with tuition then was hired away by the bigger hospital who is now helping her get her Doctorate.
Heath Care is an emerging field regardless of what happens with Obama Care or ACA. The challenges and directions it will go are endless. There are entry level positions for someone with a Bachelor’s Degree. Depending on what you wish to do within the healthcare arena you may need a Master Degree and even a Doctorate. Both of these can be obtain while you are working and making a good income.
My brother in-law gained his PHD in Nuclear Physics while working for the Department of Defense. I have no idea what he does now for he tells me if he tells me he has to kill me. (lol)
My daughter in law is working on her Masters Degree while working. She is in her second year of on-line classes and will finish sometime next year. When she does she will increase her salary with her present company, who are also helping with tuition, by about a third. She already takes in a high 5 figure salary with the bump she will be just shy of 6 figures.
I tell you all this because where there is a while there is a way. My brother in-law gets his PHD is one of the toughest subjects while working and raising. Two others I know get their Masters while working. You can do it too if you want it bad enough.
You do not have to stay in the brick and mortar school for two or three more years and pay a fortune in tuition. You can take your undergraduate degree and start earning a living. Many employers, especially large companies, have tuition reimbursement programs. You work, you spend two or three years in an on-line Masters program when you’re ready and your employer foots the bill. TO me that is a win/win situation.
Last: You sound a bit burnt out with school. Not unusual you have been in school for 14 years now. Consider taking a semester off and just relaxing if you can. Then return to school all refreshed and ready to hit the books again.
can I lose weight when im 500 kilos I want kill my self
500 kilos is roughly 1000 pounds. You don't have to kill yourself for if you truly do weigh this much you probably will not live much longer as you are slowly killing yourself.
To answer your question; yes you can lose weight but at your current weight it must be done under medical supervision. You need to check into a hospital and have a medically supervised weight reduction program and possibly, if your body can stand the surgery, gastric bypass surgery.
It will take several years to get down to a proper weight. Once you reach that weight you will want plastic surgery to remove the excess skin left over from the weight loss which in your case will probably weigh 50 to 100 kilos on its own.
Most important and I mean this; if you want to live you need to check into a hospital today. Your heart cannot support such a weight and the sooner you get treatment and start a supervised weight loss program the better your chances of surviving are.
I'm not a doctor, only a doctor can tell you how much harm you have done to yourself and whether that harm is reversible. Whether you live or die is in your hands. Do noting and you will die. Check in to a hospital today and your chances of survival increase each day. The choice is totally yours.
Thank you so much . I just moved out of my mom's and the reason I never learned to cook is because my mom wouldn't let me touch the stove because for some reason she was scared that I would burn the house down. I have another question when your trying to make enough I get confused on fractions. When it says use a 1/2 cup full of milk or another ingredient to make enough for 2 people instead of 1 do you just put in a cup full of milk instead of half. Thank you in advance.
When you increase a recipe you increase by the number of people you are cooking for. In most recipes you get on line or a cookbook it will tell you how many people the recipe feeds. So look before you start increasing the recipe.
The recipes I gave you will do 2 diners for 2 or 1 diner for 2 and 2 or 3 lunches.
I have found that most recipes are geared to feed from four to six people. The first time you make a recipe make the full recipe, you can freeze the leftovers. We have a zip lock freeze a meal system we purchased on amazon. We go shopping come home and repackage the meats, fish and poultry we buy into two portion packsages. Them for what ever we cook and how many we cook for we pull out the appropriate packs from the freezer.
We also shop for most all the meats, fish and poultry At Costco. The savings are extradnary but they back age in volume which means we must repackage. We shop once e ery six weeks spend $150 to $175 or a bit more. That works out to $25 to $29 a week for meals you can't buy for that price. If you don't have a Costco, then you might look for a Sam's Club or a BJ's.
I know this may sound weird but I am 28 years old and I don't know how to cook and I really want to leaden because eating out is getting exspensive and I am tired of eating sandwhiches all the time.
What are some easy recipies that I can start with?
I learned to cook by watching TV chefs on PBS and the cooking channels. If you can read and follow directions you can cook. The scariest parts of cooking are some of the terms used. Go to the book store or search the net for information on cooking terms. While the terms sound confusing they are really not once you understand their meaning.
Get a cookbook for beginners these cookbooks generally have step by step instructions along with pictures of how to prepare what you are making. One of the easiest meals I know to cook is spaghetti and meat sauce.
The spaghetti is placed in boiling salted water as per package directions. The package doesn't say how much salt so I suggest about a table spoon full. For the meat sauce you by a pound of ground beef an onion and a jar of Spaghetti Sauce.
Take have the onion and dice it, this means to chop it finely. In the gadget food store you can find a food chopper that will do this very well for you. Then in a sauce pan, looks a little like a fry pan but it has sides about 2 to 3 inches high, put a small amount of oil, vegetable or olive oil, I like olive oil and lightly brown the onions for about a minute on medium heat. You smell the onion smell within this time this is when you put the chop meat into the sauce pan to brown. To brown is exactly what it means. The meat is red you want it not to be red on the outside. Stir it around in the pan until all is a brown color or not red.
While you are browning the meat it is time to season it. I use salt, pepper and garlic powder. Seasoning is to taste so I can’t advise you hear other than to say go easy on the salt and pepper as you can add those at the table I you need more. I cook to a low salt diet so for 1 jar of sauce I would suggest 1/4 teaspoon of salt, 1/2 teaspoon of pepper and up to a full teaspoon of garlic powder depending on how much you like garlic. Stir the spices into the meat.
Once the meat is browned stir in the jar of sauce, cover turn the heat to low or simmer and let it simmer for 45 minutes. Now is the time to put your water on to boil for the pasta and follow package directions. Cook up the pasta about 15 minutes before the sauce is ready.
Even simpler is hamburgers. Same seasonings and I add a packet of dry French onion soup mix for flavor. Mix everything together and form into patties. One pound of ground beef will make four to six patties. Put them in a fry pan and cook them until well done which is 165 degrees on a meat thermometer. A meat thermometer is an essential for anyone who cooks as you do not what to under cook or over cook you meat.
Good luck and if I can cook anyone can. There are meals I make that only I make and my family requests them all the time.
Note: If a recipe doesn't come out right the first time, pour tomato sauce over it and call it Italian. That's what I did and no one complained.
Hi I'm 18 years old. I had a kiss with my boyfriend and I'm worried that I might be pregnant because i don't have my periods. can it be pregnancy I'm really worried
You cannot get pregnant from kissing it is not possible. Your mouth is connected to your stomach which is part of your digestive system.
Pregnancy takes place in your reproductive system.
Your vagina is the opening to your reproductive system and where reproduction begins when a man/boy pushes his penis into your vagina. This is called having sex. When he does this he ejaculates sperm which if everything is right the sperm find your egg and you become pregnant.
If you missed a period it is most likely because you stressed out needlessly about being pregnant. Relax you are not pregnant. If you can relax you period should return.
Who ever told you kissing could make your pregnant was either teasing you or totally misguided about reproduction.
I have been with my husband for 19 years. I'm 35. We have two kids (5&9). He is a great guy, wonderful father and tries his best to treat me well. The truth is, I have lost all the fire with him for the past 5 years. I don't think we would be together if it wasn't for our kids. We have grown apart. I do not want to be intimate with him at all. He doesn't feel the same way. We are two different people. Here us a twist: a guy who I have always called "the one who got away" has randomly appeared in my life! I'm ignoring the fact that his makes me FEEL SOMETHING again to try to address what to do with my marriage. Um losing sleep, I'm completely ridden with anxiety all the time about what divorce would mean for my kids.
The expression "The grass is Greener on the other side of the fence." The one who get away; has he made any overtures to you? Is he married? This is important information to know not only to offer you advice but for you before you do something that is irreversible.
You say you don't want to be intimate with your husband; whose fault is it? Maybe you need to park the kids with the grandparents and take a romantic vacation. Buy some sexy nightwear and undergarments. Initiate sex; satisfy some fantasies you both may have that you can't at home because of the kids.
You have 19 years with this man sex becomes routine. Find ways to change things in your sexual routine. Have a conversation with your husband about your sex life. A relationships need conversation and a sexual relationship definitely needs one even between man and wife if it is stay healthy.
Most importantly before you pull the plug on you marriage is to answer the two questions I posed. For while the grass may look greener on his side of the fence, the grass where you are may be more nourishing. The one that got away did so for a reason.
I am a virgin ,me and my boyfriend were fooling around naked and he ejaculated on my clits and vagina ,exactly 8days after my periods .l last had my period 27jan and now its 21march and experiencing stomach problems,apetite problems ,feeling sleepy ,can i be pregnant
In theory it is possible for sperm ejaculated outside the vagina to swim in and impregnate you. In actuality there is very little information on the subject o say yes or no. One thing you have in favor of being pregnant is this happened on the first day of the 14 days when you might be ovulating which is when you are most likely to get pregnant. Just where in those 14 days you ovulate you should know.
The most common reason for a missed period is not sex but stress. Being stressed over being pregnant will almost always cause a girl to miss her period. Next in line is illness, were you sick during the month and taken any type of medication; over the counter or prescription. Antibiotic medication can cause a missed period.
MY suggestion is to go buy a home test kit and take the test per package instructions. IF your worried about mom finding out put the kit in your purse into the bathroom in the morning when you shower and take the test. DO not destroy the box. After testing a getting the results put everything back in the box and into your purse. You can get rid of the test kit at school or work.
I'm 99% sure the test will be negative. If it is an you still do not get your period then there may be other reasons which require you seeing your GYN.
How robotic process automation will improve the productivity?
Robotic Automation does not always increase production. My own company has seen this when they switch much of the repetitive task portion of our manufacture and assembly process to robotics. While the robots do process more items per hour with greater accuracy then the human. This increased production is lost is lost in the change over from one item to the next as the process takes a minimum of eight hours to reprogram and rest the work counters for the robot. For the human this takes only a few minutes
Where the robot far exceeds the human is in accuracy of product produced rate of 1 to 2 percent defect rate. The humans have a defect rate closer to 5 to 6 percent.
As to your statement; "How robotic process automation will improve the productivity?" It does not necessarily to so. It does increase accuracy which in turn increase's output which in turn increases output which is an increase in productivity.
Today my boyfriend hit me, and not just once, and not consecutively...but each blow came from a burst of anger Coming out alongside aggressive words. Right to my head. Now I will say he held back (he is much bigger and if he really wanted to do damage he could have done much more). We have a long history. We dated before. He is the first real romantic partner I had who I was head over heels for. I still am. I'm totally hopelessly in love with a maniac. So the first go around we broke up because we both did not communicate our feelings well and he was also very jealous and possessive and there were problems with substance abuse. He is also or was diagnoses with Being bi polar. I take this seriously, and unfortunately I'm very patient and overly understanding. We spent three years apart...we both are still in love...circumstance reunited us and I have been so happy. I could tell he was making a real effort to change. He does small things to show me he Cares, he really listens when I talk, he has patience now...no more fits of jealousy. We typically avoid alcohol, because it is not good for either of us. Occasionally we have a couple beers...today maybe we had one too many. I didnt do anything to anger him (even if I did I know that's not an okay response).
As you can imagine I am very confused now. He also left me stranded in the dark in a place im not familiar with! In fact another man in his car pulled up and asked me if I wanted to make some money. Sick.
So we have also been going through nicotine withdrawal and that is no joke either ! Once he acted out....it got worse, I think he WAs so shocked and embarrassed that he RAN with it and it escalated from there..
I am feeling pathetic because I do not want it to end and yet I know how bad that was and how this does not sound good...and in most cases these things not only continue but get worse. But I strongly believe we can make things work in a healthy way and that this was due to alcohol and nicotine withdrawal. We have the same views and life goals, and I really love everything...but he hit me in the head and he feels like he is a threat to me. He did research and is now seing the abusive traits in his personality.
If we continue I will remember to tale alcohol more seriously and avoid drinking with him.
Feedback on getting help or moving forward?
He has also always had a temper ...one time I was at his house and he kicked in a table after fighting with his parents, but I've never seen him hit his mom..
:(
We have been traveling together for a month, car camping and backpacking.
You have a number of problems here that I want to address with you. The first two are equally important. Since he het you and hurt you I will address that first.
No one has the right to hit another person especially a man hitting a woman. This is a trait that is part of his personality and one that will be with him for life as personality disorders are not correctable.
You are in danger as next time he loses his temper he could harm you even more. This has nothing to do with the alcohol or nicotine withdrawal. You need to get away from him. I know you love him but your love will not change him.
You should report him to the police for hitting you. For what is wrong with his personality cannot be fixed. The courts can order him to anger management classes that might, I say might help him control his temper.
The other problem is his Bipolar disorder. There is no cure for bipolar disorder though it can in many cases be well managed with medication. This is where the problem lies. In some cases the medication is so strong that the person stops taking it because they feel they are in a daze. The other problem is the medication works so well they feel they are cured and go off their medication and relapse.
Someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder needs to be seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis for medication management and treatment. If your boyfriend is not on medication and not seeing a psychiatrist regularly as in every 2 to 3 months; then he is either undiagnosed or falls into of the problems I wrote about above.
If he is a diagnosed bipolar then he needs to get back on his medications. He needs to NOT DRINK as alcohol and the medication for bipolar disorder do not mix. If he wishes to stop smoking that too needs to be done under the care of his psychiatrist not on his own.
If he is a true bipolar anything he does that changes the physical make of off his body, and smoking affects this, needs to be done under medical supervision.
Most importantly though is you should not be in a car with him if he is bipolar and not on his medication. You should not be traveling with him if he cannot control his temper and hits you. It does not matter where he hits you; he has no right to hit you at all.
My advice is to get out at the next town or the town you’re in now that has a bus, rail or airport and go home. IF you have to call your parents for money do so there is no shame in asking for help in this situation. I'm sure your parents will want to see to your safety.
I'm 25 and I was molested around the age of 3-6 approximately (definitely 7 and below.) It was one time period of where my father when watching porn on the television. Saw me on the bed when it was on and he touched me inside my underwear with his hands. The second time in this one time period. I'd guess within the week, he touched me again but with the vibrator that was advertised on the porn from when he had touched me with his hand the first time. I was taken into care at age 7, a week prior to my birthday of turning 8, and I had all sorts of tests done on me. There was suspicion of sexual abuse but when they asked me, I didn't talk. I was also diagnosed as a select mute. It's all documented, and I had to take therapy to get me to talk and learn how to speak correctly. My biological father also walked around the house/apartment/motel/hotel, where-ever we lived for I don't remember quite well, butt-naked. I saw him like that a lot and the image is seared in my mind. He was disgusting. He even bought women's thongs because he liked their role better in the filth. I opened up to few over the years of what happened but I never considered pressing charges of any kind. Is there still something that can be done and do I have any evidence other than my word and reports of suspicion? I don't think I have strong enough evidence. There was no sign of penetration but there was discharge. (Sorry I know that's gross details but give mind I was 8 when I had these tests.) I don't remember him putting his fingers inside; only touching the outside. There's no evidence, right? It's too many years ago? He also lives in another state now. Charges would bring him here, right? Is there a case here?
-Also, going to court means my eyes have to see him, right? I gave him a second chance as an adult to have a part in my life. I have an idea why but it was an insane thing for me to do for what he had done. I had hoped he was a better man. I had confronted him years later about what he did to me in my childhood. He mourned and said he was sorry only when I confronted him alone. I had told someone else what had happened and he got word of it, he denied it ever happened. He said I was a liar and made it up. That makes me want to have some justice although I know he will get his justice in front of God. That is if he never repents and gets saved. He couldn't even repent to me. He said he was sorry but it was like he had taken it back when it put him in the judgement seat. He couldn't take any punishment for what he had done. Let alone that he wasn't a bigger man by not coming to me and apologizing. I had to go to him. I had to tell him that it hurt me.
There's also the crime of when I was under 7, I'd say 3-4, where he took a knife to me. My mom told me I ended up in a hospital and she faced the criminal charges of what had taken place. She didn't even do it.
Is there anything I can do now? It says in my state that there's no limitations to molestation and it's exactly 18 years of when I was taken into care. Could something still be done? It's also documented I was a select mute. He lives in another state now. I don't want to bring him here nor see him.
He's gotten worse or manifesting as what he was again. He's got all sorts of young, busty women on his facebook page. It's gross. What's worse is my born anoxic brother takes after him. He's got that filth on his facebook, too.
Is doing anything wrong in the eyes of God for God said vengeance is mine? Eternal fire seems like plenty punishment to me. I have issues in my mental health because what had happened. I feel like I should have some retribution for what I had lost.
There is an organization called RAINN which stands for Rape, Assault, Incest, National Network. They are far more qualified to work with you to get you the justice you deserve. There number is 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). Call them and you will be connected to a crisis center near you who will help you connect with the appropriate professionals and authorities.
My advice is that you follow through with the earlier advice I gave you and seek counseling with a therapist as well. Even with the documentation that can be retrieved the process to justice is long and can be painful as your dad by law has the right to confront his accuser in court. Prior to going to court the courts and prosecutors can protect and limit any contact he may have with you. By limit I mean his lawyer may want a deposition. You can request he not be there but he has a right to be there and the court can decide if he needs to be there. It is during this time that a good therapist will be of a big help to you.
I whole hardily support seeking justice. What your father did to you was wrong. HE may be doing it to others and you can put a stop to this by speaking out. Hopefully you also get help for your brother. Most importantly as I said before. By seeking justice you will get closure which will help you get a normal life and one you can enjoy fully including all forms of intimacy.
Hi 18/F .. I am in Gr12 this year and I have a lot of stress. My mom is a single parent and I have a younger sister and my grandmother lives with us. We have financial issues but I feel like my mom is taking her stress and anger out on us. I don't know what to do because she's constantly yelling at us. I can't talk to het because then she will be really angry. I can't take any more stress. Please help me?
You are in a strange position being 18 and still in school. You are too old for social services to intervene. Your father no longer is responsible by law to pay child support for you only for your younger siblings, By law in most states you are still required to finish high school if you were younger than 18 when the school year started. This means mom is still responsible to see to it that you get to school, that you have clean clothes are healthy and well fed. All this without the financial support from you dad if dad was living up to his financial responsibilities.
Mom also has the responsibility for your grandmothers health and safety, I assume her mother, for which she is not receiving any additional funds and if you grandmother is in poor health this puts a great deal of stress on mom plus raising you siblings.
That puts things in perspective for both of us. Now what can you do. For your siblings if mom is this stressed out she must also to some degree be taking it out on them. You can call Child protective services to intervene for them. They can help mom with financial issues including getting your dad to pay his child support if that is an issue or other issues he is not living up to.
Have you thought of getting a part time job to help out? If you did maybe you could take on one of the bills for mom like the electric bill. Plus you would have your own spending money and not have to ask mom for money for things you might want.
Legally you are and adult and neither parent is legally responsible for you. Most parents don't look at it that way. We look at it as being responsible for you until you can stand on your own two feet. This mean helping you until you finish college and have a good job.
If it is possible for you to help mom out by getting a part time job you will be relieving some of her stress. Asking child protective services for help will also help relieve moms stress if the problem is lack of child support. As for grandma check and see what services are available from the county or city for the aging? These services are generally at no charge and can also relieve mom of some work load which will reduce her stress.
When I was a small child I saw my biological father butt-naked around the house all the time. I have the image seared in my mind. That was from infancy to age 7. He did touch me at one period of time. He had porno on the television and he saw me in front of the tv in the little apartment/hotel/motel we were in. He saw an opportunity. He rubbed my genitals inside the underwear. There was a black vibrator about ten inches long and maybe 4-5 inches in diameter. He ordered it. A week later it arrived and he had porno on and he saw an opportunity. He touched my genitals with the vibrator. In that time period was the only time that I remember where he touched my genitals. I was probably 3-6 at the time. When I was little, I was with him when he went into the adult section at a movie rental store. I was with him when he picked himself out some women's thongs. He had secretly wanted to be a woman. Maybe because of they seemed to receive the better end of this filth. It's disgusting. He walked around not one time, but several times throughout those first seven years where he had no clothes on. He would use the toilet with the door opened. He walked around everywhere in the house with no clothes and in his sick mind. I can even remember that his thing. I don't want to speak to a therapist about this. I want to ask to someone whom can be of assistance here.
My problem now as a twenty-five-year-old is that when I'm nigh to males and females I have an intruding thought of the fact that they have genitals. This thought makes me have great anxiety. I have had this problem since I was a little girl because what happened to me. Nearly knows this happened to me but they do see the exterior which is I'm very awkward and weird around people. Now you know why. How do I get rid of this intruding thought problem? How can I sit with others and have a conversation to where I don't have the hidden problem making me stammer? I don't even care I get nervous around people. I hate that somewhere in my mind I am observing the hidden genitals. Don't get me wrong. I'm not imagining or picturing these genitals. It's only the concept of genitals; not the image. I don't want these intrusive thoughts anymore. I want to be able to be intimate with others sitting next to me.(Not intimate like sex - please you'd be missing my position here.) I mean like being personal next to someone confiding with them.
I know sometimes to be able to get rid of an intrusive thought that you have to resolve the inner issue. What is my inner issue? Why does this happen to me? How do I resolve this inner issue?
Let me first say how sorry I am that your father put you through this. No one not even a parent has a right to treat anyone as he dad you. Because of your age at the time, if you were to report it, he could very possibly still be charged with child abuse and sexual abuse of a minor.
You said you did not want to talk to a therapist about this. Unfortunately what has happened to you there is no pill to take or self-help program that will help you through this. What you need is extensive therapy with a psychologist.
Before I go any further with this understand when you speak to a psychologist whatever you say in therapy, one on one not group therapy, is totally confidential. Nothing you say can be reported to the police. Meaning the therapist cannot have your dad arrested unless you give written permission.
What the psychologist does with you is help you deal with this in a healthy manor. You will never forget what happened to you, therapy doesn't work that way. How it works is finding what triggers these memories and causes the anxieties that don't allow you to be intimate with others. You may even want to work towards having a normal sexual relationship. This is what the therapist and therapy is all about.
My sister and I have both been treated for clinical depression. Now depression runs in the family just why we suffered from it was surprising for both of us when we finally spoke to each other about it. Two different therapists helped us both come to the conclusion that we grew up in a dysfunctional home with a father that mentally abused us both in different ways. My sisters’ first marriage was ruined by her depression and the defenses she put up and almost ruined her second marriage. I fortunately married a strong woman though I came close to losing my family too.
We have not forgotten the years of abuse we had you never forget them. We have learned through therapy how to recognize the triggers that bring these memories forward and how to deal with them in a better manner. This is what therapy does for you.
My advice is if you truly want to be able to intimate with others, to live a normal life. Then the only way to do so is to find a psychologist you are comfortable with and get into therapy. You may have to try to or more therapists until you find one you are comfortable with. This is fine. You need to be comfortable with your therapist if you are going to be able to speak freely.
Where is the line between being selfish and taking care of your own needs? Because I often feel like, in trying not to be selfish, my own needs get left behind. Like, to a point that isn't okay with me. Is that a thing? I don't even know what I'm asking, I'm just confused.
Like, I'm doing a group project, and there's a girl in my group who insists on doing a lot of things her way, and when I ask if we can do some things differently, she claims she can't because she has anxiety and she has to do things in her way. She has a point, and I know I need to respect her needs. However, at our last project meeting, I nearly had a panic attack because I couldn't deal with the way she was doing things, but I didn't want to cause problems for her either. I feel like she uses the fact that she has diagnosed anxiety as a reason to need things a certain way, and because I don't have it, my needs doesn't matter.
I'm just confused. I don't really know what I'm asking with this question.
You have an excellent question here one you will come face to face with throughout life. In the situation you are presently dealing with you and the others have your own concerns to deal with for as I see it you will be graded on the results. To give into her and submit the project with only her input into the project is wrong, counterproductive and does not represent you or anyone else. You live or die, so to speak, on her abilities and not of yours. This is wrong as part of the lesson in group in school or work is seeing if and who can work together.
You give your age as 18 so I cannot tell if this is a school project or a work project. If it is a school project then you and any of the others that feel this way should go to the teacher with your concerns. For one thing you have only the girls’ statement that she has anxiety issues. While you and the others cannot find out if this is the truth the teacher can.
As you go through life you will be confront with the same type of problem of who comes first. OT starts with me or work, me or my husband, me or my children and other social problems that will confront you. There are times, and rightfully so, when in all of these situations you need to put you first. Unfortunately there is not firm rule as to how to decide when this is.
Your current situation is one of these and you know this because you are asking for help to tell you that you are right. You are right because you will be judged on this project just like she will be. If you and any others working on this project advice and consideration are not being take n into consideration then it is not a joint project and you either walk away and let her sink on her own or tell her where you advice needs to be put into the project and how it needs to be done. If she can't deal with it then she is no the project manager chose someone else
Hi,
Is it normal for a male friend to offer female friend a cigarette and we both just stood by the street and smoked as we hadn't seen each other for a while but it was very enjoyable. Been friends for a few months back and we're quite open and straight to each other. I like him and we do joke. Now, we're both occasional smokers but he didn't have to offer me a cigarette. Just wondering, normal for a guy friend to do this or do they offer to any girls? Thanks!
We have overworked the politically correct. Just what is normal. What you find normal may not be normal for me. Normal is what you are comfortable with.
He offered you a cigarette. You accepted and the two of you stood there smoking and enjoying each others company. A non-smoker may not like walking past your exhaled smoke but you are doing nothing abnormal or illegal.
I would say based on the fact that he offered, you accepted and the two of you stood there smoking that the offer by him was normal.
What is the difference between laziness and the inability to do something because of depression?
I am mildly depressed, and a lot of times, I just can't make myself do things. I often end up feeling really guilty for not doing things, and I feel like my mom thinks I'm just lazy.
Is there a difference? Am I just lazy?
Short answers to your question are; yes there is and no your not lazy.
Are you being treated for your depression. If not you should be. IF your depression is such that you have no will or drive to accomplish anything you are more than mildly depressed and need professional help.
I am not a doctor but it sounds like you may be suffering from clinical depression. In you case it may have to do with stressor of age which is a big factor in clinical depression. At 17 you are probably in your last year of high school. You may be waiting for acceptance to a college of choice and other factors teenagers have piled upon them in the last year of high school.
Whatever the reason you need not suffer with this. If your not being treated you start by calling your family doctor for a complete physical. This is done to rule out any organic reason for how you feel. Ask your doctor to screen you for depression during your physical. The doctor will ask you a number of questions by which a diagnoses can be made.
Should the doctor find you to be depressed a family practice doctor could prescribe medication. I would suggest that if this is the case you ask the doctor for a recommendation to a Board Certified Psychiatrist(BCP). The reason is Clinical Depression is caused by the lack of two chemicals secreted into the brain. A BCP has is a medical doctor undergone a fellow ship and pasted all the tests to be certified by the College of Psychiatry to practice psychiatry. This doctor is better capable to treat you and better knowledge of medications. Where as a family practice doctor may only have had a cycle through residency in psychiatry.
The BCP will most likely suggest talk therapy as well with a therapist. This is where the real work to cure the depression is done. This is where you find out what the stressors are and how to recognize them and control them.
I have been there and done this and can tell you if you put forth the effort it works and you will feel better. I did and everything improved in my life.
In the past number of months, I have had a couple...I don't know what to call them...I think they might be panic attacks or anxiety attacks or something?
I have what my therapist calls a "mild mood disorder", I'm not sure if people are familiar with the term, but basically it's like depression but less severe.
Anyways, there have been a couple times where I have been in situations that normally would make me slightly uncomfortable/upset (ex. packing to go to university, working on a group project where the group members didn't agree on things) which I reacted to in ways which scared me. It starts with feeling uncomfortable, then I want to cry. My throat tightens up, I start breathing really shallowly. I feel trapped, and I can't think rationally enough to figure out what I need to feel better. Sometimes I start feeling sick or lightheaded.
I don't what these are. I haven't told my therapist about them, I probably should, but it just hasn't come up.
Anyone know what is happening to me? What can I do to prevent/stop these?
I agree with your belief that you need to tell your therapist about these attacks. You need to tell the therapist for the therapist will not ask you about things not known to him or her. Once you make your therapist aware of these attacks then you can work on getting at the root cause that trigger them.
Depression of any type is a scary thing I know for I have suffered with a more severe form of it. One thing all depression, Clinical Depressions, have in common is they are circular in nature. Anxiety causes depression, depression causes pain and pain causes anxiety then it starts all over again. You need to break the cycle to do that you need to find the root cause. The root cause could be a sound, a smell or anything something so buried you are not consciously aware of it.
You need to trust your therapist and tell him or her everything that is going on in your life. If you are not comfortable with your therapist or do not trust your therapist that you can tell him or her your deepest secrets then find a new therapist. I went through three before I found one I felt comfortable with and it just happened to be a female.
if your job was being audited...would you leave them? I don't see being audited a good sign...that means money spent cant be accounted for and the irs finds that odd.
You are making an assumption that may not be true. The term "IRS stands for two different forms of IRS. There is the Federal IRS and the State IRS. Which IRS is auditing your company. Bothe departments routinely do audits and your employer may just be unlucky enough to be picked for a routine audit.
The state IRS does even more Audits of companies that are required to collect and submit sales taxes. A routine audit be the IRS does not always mean you employers company is in trouble. Companies are required to submit certified Audits by accounts every few years as well which sometimes trips an audit.
Most of the time an audit is simply because the IRS and the firm that has prepared the Audit or tax return disagree on some deduction the preparer has taken. Rather than speculate ask your employer especially if you like your job and the company you are working for.
I was wanting to know how often should I follow up after a job interview?
The best way to follow up on an interview is to type a business letter to the person who interviewed you. In the letter you thank them for their time and state that you feel confident you will be an asset to their team. You close with, "Looking forward to hearing from you.
The letter should be just that short. Just something to remind whoever interviewed you of who you are. You were probably not the only person they have interviewed and they will probably interview many more after you.
Phone calls are annoying and they disturb people when they least want to be disturbed. Most interviewees will call behind the interview. Stand out from the crowd and send a letter. Type the letter today and get it in the mail tonight or tomorrow at the latest.
Knowing the jobs you interviewed for I would think you already have one plus in your favor in that you are older and more mature then most people they are interviewing. Plus you are an adult able to work hours that they most need covered which are those hours school age teenagers are in school or by law cannot work.
Make sure to continue to stand out and do the mature thing and send a letter thanking them for the interview. Doing so will once again set you apart from the crowd.
The reason i waited so long to start gettin in the work force is because i receive ssi benefits and I always thought if toiling worked it would stop yourcheck but I just found outfrom social security that I can make $810 a month and it wouldn't affect your income.
Okay that is a reasonable explanation and that is all you really have to give them. As to why you are receiving SSI is not a question they should ask you. If they do you do not have to answer it if you believe it is an infringement on your privacy.