Dragonflymagic's advice column | Page 259

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Washington state

Occupation:

Retired

Age:

64

Member Since:

April 24, 2013

Answers:

7093

Last Update:

October 11, 2025

Visitors:

128468

Favorite Columnists

solidadvice4teens

kittenlover2000

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

i have been seeing things like spirts since i was 3 and there watching my famile like my baby brother was sick one night and i sated up with him and i saw a tall shadow spirt aper a touch his forhead and he was fine the next day but theres one who has alway been there and i see him alot can somone tell me are they good or bad?

If what you are seeing does not make you fear fear, you are not harmed or purposely scared and something good happens such as the baby being healed overnight, then that is a good thing. Most likely you are seeing your guardian angels, with wings or not, and maybe its the spirits of family who have died long ago like your parents grandparents...people you've never met. Your family is being guarded by loving spirits it sounds like. You may be the only one able to see them.

I have a close friend who was able to see things like spirits since she was about your age. She's shared many stories. Once as a child she also saw Jesus, has regularly seen both her dead grandmas who now act as her spirit guides and guardians, she see's other peoples angels and guides and dead loved ones.She doesnt just see but has conversation with them. She is now as an older adult, doing psychic work. Some people just are born having this ability when no one else in the family may have it or believe it. If you can see them, you should in time be able to have conversation with them too. You might try talking to them. Asking if they are an angel or a family member and their name. I had the experience once of seeing someone as clearly as I can see a with my eyes open only they were closed. Opened my eyes to be sure, There was no one until I closed my eyes again. Just stood there silently staring at me. I grew up in church and had learned how to have conversation with God so I figured, I'd ask this person, silently in my head like mental telepathy who he was and what he wanted. I wasnt expecting an answer but I got one. Sometimes I think the spirits wait for you to speak to them first. You can always ask your angels to surround you and protect you if you are ever unsure of a situation and whether you see them or not, they are there. You can also visualize yourself in a clear protective bubble like a soap bubble that nothing bad or evil can enter. You are a child of light and nothing of darkness can bother you when you set up protection like that. Blessings to you dear.

i am 16 and i dont have boobs

I don't know your situation. Perhaps it runs in the family. What was mom like at your age? Or Aunts, or grandma.
You say you have none...is this you saying that you have a very small chest compared to other girls and you just describe it as not having any at all?
Either you have started developing because of puberty or you haven't. This could mean you also don't have a period yet. It is suggested that if a girl doesnt get her period by age 17 that she go see the doctor to get her hormone levels checked. These hormone levels when normal are responsible for these changes in your body to some extent. You can't influence the size and shape of your breasts or genitals, thats all hereditary. If the hormones are too low, that can be the cause for you not progressing as you should, especially if you are totally flat like a guy and the nipples aren't at least starting to stick out more. It wouldn't hurt to have mom take you in to the doctor for a blood test to check your hormone levels. If you are normal there, then just learn to be happy with what you have got. I am adding a link of what varying degrees there are to normal breasts and nipples. Females teens through nursing mothers submitted their chest photo with a little story about themselves

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

I hope this helps encourage you regarding what you've got. Breast size can change over time. I was naturally about a B cup. I breastfed 3 kids and each time swelled to somewhere over a C cup. After the last child, instead of going back to my normal B again I went down to less than an A cup. It took about 4 years or so before I finally was back to my B cup and now as a grandmother, I am a larger B, still perky looking. Everyones story is different, you never can tell. The main thing is to be happy with what you've got. Please check out the link.

I have been depressed and have had sucidal thoughts and have self harmed for a while now. I really feel like I need to tell one of my friend but I don't know how please help!

Telling a friend who cares about you is all well and fine dear but he or she is not equipped to or even remotely able to get you the help you need.

I am a mom of 3 girls. I was very active and 'there' for my girls. We talked often about anything and everything. I was the kind of mom they could share anything with and I wouldnt fly off the handle. So they knew they could trust me. Yet for some reason, my oldest daughter never told me she was depressed as a teen. I learn this years later after it got worse after she had her first baby and then finally went in to see a doctor for treatment.

There were no visible signs to give me a clue. She chose to not tell me anything and since I was not a mind reader, I couldnt help her.

I don't know your situation dear. If your family life IS the reason you are depressed or suidical then you need to go see an outside source for help and the very best is to go to your school counselors who will put you in touch with a professional who can help.
If you have a pretty good home life and nice parents, then please talk to mom.

What I have discovered to be an alarming number of teens girls and boys affected by depression today, more so than when I was growing up. I have read recent on line articles that explain that we live in a very toxic environment. Young childrens bodies are taking in hormones through food, plastics, and other things in our environment. When especially girls go through puberty, they begin to have a release of the female hormones that are part of growing up and those added to whats already accumulated in their body is now an overload, too much and the result is severe depression and anxiety issues. The other problem is that their body fails to produce the amount of hormones needed, and they can the same issue from under producing hormones. A trip to the family doctor and a simple blood test should be able to tell if that is the issue in which case you are put on medication just for the teen years until your body begins to produce more normal levels later. Some cases may need to remain on medication like my daughter. You are not a bad person nor imperfect because of this...it is a medical problem that is becoming a emotional issue in todays time. If you've been feeling like this since just before getting your period for the first time, Its a good chance its linked to your hormones. Treat the hormone imbalance and most likely your emotional health goes back to normal, no depression, suicidal thoughts or cutting. If you've done cutting long enough to simply do it out of habit, then some counseling to help break the bad habit but other than that, it should be okay. Please talk to the parents dear. I wish my daughter had talked to me.

Hi there! I have a shower that is really tall, and normal shower curtains don't seem to ever be long enough. I am tired of wet floors, so I bought one on eBay that claimed to be longer, and it was, by about an inch. :) Can you help me find a long enough curtain to keep me from having to mop after showers? THANKS!

I am not sure that there is anything but a standard size curtain for showers. In all the friends houses I have been to, hotels, bed and breakfasts, I have never once come across a curtain that couldn;t cover the span it needed to.

This leads me to believe that theres a chance your shower curtain bar was placed too high. If yours is a simple tension rod, you should be able to lower it without a problem. It it is the kind of bar that rest in end support caps nailed or screwed into the walls, then if its an apartment, ask the manager if its okay to lower the bar. If they ask why explain it because a regular curtain doesn't catch all the water and much ends up on the floor requiring a mop up afterwards. If this is your own home, then do it yourself or have a partner or friend help with it.

If bar can not be moved, or you're not allowed to move it, and you can not find longer curtains, I would myself resort to purchasing two clear shower curtains, cutting off a section of the bottom of one to add with clear or white duct tape to the full one. You hang this inside the tub while of the outside with the same hooks hangs a pretty cloth shower curtain your choice of design to cover the fact that the inner liner looks kind of rinky-dink/homemade. Bust as long as its functional, it shouldn't matter.
Hope this helps.

I was rehearsing this school play, and I was next to a humorous, witty boy I've been friends with for some time. We were making jokes about the play we were practicing, Alladin, and I'm only in 5th grade, so everyone has different parts in different scenes. Typically, one big part, and a bunch of company parts. We both were talking during a company number we were in,“friend like me" and we were joking about the dance moves. A kid turned around to tease, and the boy said something funny to get her to turn around. Then we looked into each other's eyes, and laughed. Not shrill, giggles, but you know-REAL laughter. And I saw something in his eyes. Now I'm wondering, now what? I've only known him for a year, but I like him someway. I don't know! I'm so clueless in love. I'm a hopeless romantic. Is that bad? And also, some boy advice?

At your age, I'd say puberty has something to do with the things you're starting to feel. The same stuff could have been happening in past years but a lack of hormones in the body in the past means you would not have noticed it or interpreted it as you do now. A shared laugh a couple years ago with someone doesn't compare to what your beginning womans intuition is telling you now. You may not know exactly what was different but you sensed something different during that one laugh, perhaps it was the moment he began to see you differently than before. It is great to have friends you can be yourself with, and share genuine laughter with. What comes first before real true love is a strong attraction to another person, a noticing of them and wanting to find out as much as we can about them. The best way I know how is to spend time hanging out together.

So if you two find it easy to communicate together, start with talking a little more at school and ask him what his favorite music or band is, does he have any favorite movies, hobbies, favorite food. People like to talk about themselves...no problem there, just don't rapid fire the questions like you're interrogating him, and give him a chance to ask you some as well. If you find that in your conversations, you are still interested in him, then ask him if he'd like to hang out with you. Ask the parents if its okay to have a guy from school come over to hang out, maybe on a Saturday afternoon to watch TV or play a board game or listen to music. There is no pressure to treat him like a date or a committed boyfriend girlfriend relationship yet. Just be relaxed and get to know him as a best friend first. This will save you lots of heartache in life if you look first for a guy you can be friends with and when the feelings get deeper and go from attraction to love, then later you hold hands and kiss and cuddle. Have respect for each others feelings and always talk things out. Anything you don't understand that he says, ask him what he meant. If he says something like I love you...don't assume it means in love with you, it means to some guys that there is something in particular about you that they really like alot, the way some people say I love chocolate, they don't have a romantic relationship with chocolate, they just love it. So for example in that case just ask him:
"So what is it about me that you love."

If you don't understand what to say or do around him tell him so. Remember, at his age, he's also just starting this process of interest in the opposite sex and not knowing anything about them. Tell him that you dont understand guys well cus you're just starting to learn and since you feel very comfortable with him and like him, you're wondering if he'd be willing to help teach you how guys think and what they mean and you'd be glad to teach him about what girls are really like. Its a great, non pressure way to get to know each other better and learn something along the way. Having him over to the house is a good way for parents to feel comfortable with their daughter having a male friend without worrying so much about how he treats her because they are right there to observe and develop a trust in him as they see him often. Save the couple dating for when you're older or the parents allow it.
If you come up with particular questions you want to narrow down to, you can post for everyone on here or if just to me, go to my column page first and then write me for there, thats the only way I can respond to you.

Alright lets keep this simple
Im married but i have a crush on my husband's friend. I love everything about him if i was single this is someone i would absolutely date, i would never cheat on my husband but i find myself constantly thinking of his friend. I love my husband and i wouldn't leave him for anyone but i can not get him off my mind. How can i stop thinking of him?

The fact is, all humans are sexual creatures that can be attracted to certain members of the opposite sex or same sex depending on your sexual orientation.
Just because we're in a relationship or put a wedding band on doesnt reprogram our bodies to not notice, react to or find oneself a bit aroused by someone else.
When I was your age and married, there was one particular school friend of his who came over in study groups some nights with two other college students. Just the fact that he was in the same room, even though all was normal appropriate talk was exciting.

Just privately enjoy the crush. Just because we have a crush or are attracted to others, single or taken, doesnt mean we have to act on it.

People panic and think they need to erase or suppress any of their sexuality when not behind closed doors with their mate. It doesn't work like that. You can't turn it on and off like a light switch.
Perhaps Christianity or other religious practices had something to do with our fear of our own sexuality. As long as we have eyes in our head, we are going to come across stuff that catches our attention at an attraction level or at a sexual level. I have found that over time, all my crushes eventually began to fade on their own or the person moved out of our sphere of influence and no longer saw them. As long as you do not go overboard into an obsession with checking out his facebook page every day and day dreaming so much about him that you fail to see to things on your daily to-do list, then it is not harmful. Enjoy the feelings, you are a normal healthy sexual woman. Once you stop feeling guilty or abnormal for it, you may begin to relax and become comfortable enough with your own sexual feelings and reactions to others at times that it no longer becomes a constant battle in your mind, simply because it is no longer thought of as a bad thing. Acting on it would be. Thinking is not.
Remember, our mind is our greatest sexual organ, without it, sex would not be the same. It is futile to attempt to regulate our minds connection to sex and flick it on and off like a switch, or to police and control any sexual thoughts or attractions to others that we ourselves or our mates or others have. It is part of how the human body works. Therefore, you also can not control or demand your husband not think of or be sexually excited by another woman he sees. Same thing dear...goes both ways. As long as he is seeing to all your needs and you to his, there is no problem. If one drops the ball with their mate due to obsessing over another person they can't have, then there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

Hello! My name is Caitlyn. At school, I have a crush named Nolan I really love and care about. We have a lot in common, but I'm actually a vegetarian, so it scares me to see him eat meat in front of me at lunch. How do I help myself from being so afraid?

Hey, I was the only vegetarian in a family of 6 growing up. And I have never had a relationship with or dated a guy who was a vegetarian. You would think as popular as that is today that it would be easier to run into someone who is vegetarian. No matter what your reasons for being vegetarian are, it shouldn't be a deciding factor on who you choose to hang out with. Neither should it be the one factor that ever prevents you in your lifetime from dating a particular guy.

You used the word, "Scared" to say how you feel. If you fear meats because you can't handle the fact that some poor animal was killed to provide people with a meal, you might try changing how you think of it. I am an animal lover but I am also realistic. In the past before grocery stores when our ancestors were hunter, gatherers and then farmers and ranchers, that is how we survived and part of the diet was meat because we weren't always guaranteed a successful or plentiful crop in farming or in what we gathered in nature. Meat helped people survive when there was nothing else. Meat is one source of protein and many of us require protein in our diet to be at our optimal healthiest best. Meat is still the main source of protein for most people and will likely continue to be.
Try to think of the animals raised to become meat at the supermarket as no different than the Christmas trees grown at Tree farms solely for the purpose of cutting down and thereby ending the life of, and all for the reason of providing folks with a natural tree for their home for Christmas. I have no problem with cutting down a tree grown for that purpose, but its another story to go out in the wild to cut one down.
His eating meat is neither good nor bad, just how he was raised, or perhaps his preferance.
Many married couples have different eating habits and are able to compromise. I finally learned as I grew older to like chicken and fish but still don't like other meats...mostly its the texture and flavor of certain meats I dont like and I don;t like fat marbling the meat. So whenever hubby needs a once every couple months treat to some beef, he'll buy just something for him and I'll have egg or tofu. He does eat mostly vegetarian simply cus its cheaper.

i have been in this relationship for 11 months....no affection at all no kissing no huggin but we do have sex an oral..i am n love wit him but wondering do he love me...never a compliment ...he say if he didnt want me he wouldnt buy me things...very controllin ways...do i neeftoto move on? or will it change? i ask did he eva kiss his son mom he sad a few times...

Being in love has to be a two way street, without it, the relationship is out of balance. Happily change just because no one else has ever touched it.ever after only happens when both people put in maximum effort to make it so.
Sometimes our hearts can end up having feelings for a person who does not deserve them by their treatment of us. I experienced that in a first marriage. It is easy to develop an attachment to, feelings for someone with whom you are sharing that most deepest intimate part of yourself with sexually.
However for some men, sex is just sex, an act they do to take care of their horniness, no love is required for that. For other men, there is a need to connect in love, in intimacy, to be affectionate and kiss and hug to be able to have sex with his lady, and then it is not called just sex anymore, it becomes "love-making". There is much that must take place before "making love" becomes meaningful. How do both of you plant seeds of love, what are the loving thoughtful things you both do for each other to show that you love each other even when not having sex together. How does he support and uphold you
and nurture and take care of all the needs of his lady?
You both need to have a good talk. He says that buying you gifts is how he shows you that he 'wants you'. Wants you and Loves you can be the same thing but may also mean totally different things. It is possible that he meant he doesnt love you but needs something from you.

Theres a possibility that you have experienced many other situations that prove to you he is controlling but I can't make that judgement based on the fact that he is not affectionate. He might be a controller. Right now he just sounds like someone not into you as much as you are into him.

Back to gift buying, there is a concept written about in a book called the five love languages.
People tend to show love to others in the way that they would like to be shown love not the way that their partner needs to receive it. This could be the problem here. If he feels love when given gifts, then you'd need to be giving more gifts to him than cuddling up, hugging and kissing him to show him your love. He on the other hand, instead of giveing you gifts to show his love needs to hear from you how you interpret love, what love language is yours and likely yours in Intimate touch, more huggings and kisses.
Other love languages are Acts of service, quality time and Words of affirmation. Its a good thing to study for parents cus it works with kids too. Each one has their own unique love language. Of 3 kids, my oldest required 'quality time" from me, the middle daughter required the Giving of Affection and the youngest required "The giving of Gifts." They might enjoy an sencondary love language, most of us do and they all are important, mine is Acts of service. So when hubby does special things for me, it shows me he loves me. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy others. I just blossom and grow under compliments and encouraging words. And I really dig Intimate touches to show affection. Thats a close 2nd place in importance. Heres a link on that. Only you will really know if its a miscommunication of love languages here or if its something deeper and you need to leave him.
http://www.ehow.com/facts_5533438_love-languages.html

I m 25 I would like to know how tit is a girl boob if nobody touch her boob.

The firmness of a boob does not depend on someone being able to touch it to confirm it,
the same way that no one has to need to touch the hair on your hair to know whether you are blonde, brunette or redhead.

You can tell just by looking. A younger girls breast is more firm. A mother who nursed children will have a more fallen look, though not saggy.
A woman with over large breast will with age stretch under the weight and sag down quite far.
They're all natural, and all good.

I am from India...
I am daily night fucking to my bed .is there any problem of doing this.?

As long as any sex is consentual between two adults it is okay. So I suppose if it's consentual and your bed doesn't mind getting fucked by you, it's okay and there is no problem with that.

Sorry...I couldn't help myself with the humor.
Seriously, whatever you do in bed at night by yourself to find sexual satisfaction is quite normal. People masturbate using their hands and other objects. that is all normal. If you are male and find you are having wet dreams, where you become erect and having orgasms while asleep...that is also normal. It happens less as you get older so if thats the case for you, enjoy it while you can.

I don't mind if my boyfriend watches porn. But I honest to god accidentally got into his history and saw chaturbate. To me that's an entirely different thing. Him watching a live girl and chatting with them just bugs me so much. I will admit I have self esteem issues and it makes me feel less desirable. But to me that's like cheating? I really don't know how to put it. What should I do?

Have you and he clearly discussed this topic ahead of time, where both of you have set down agreed upon rules, boundaries and expectations for your relationship in All areas, not just sexual or porn? If not, you can not rightly hold him responsible for breaking a rule or crossing a boundary in the relationship.
A parent training a child will tell them what is off limits. As a mom, I would have to teach my daughters what my expectations were and why. Such as, not robbing the cookie jar any time they wanted. If they did eat cookies whenever they wanted, and I had never explained my reasoning, that it would spoil their appetite for dinner then I could not blame them for doing something wrong and eating cookies before dinner simply on the grounds that I assumed they should be able to figure it out.

We too often go into relationships full of assumptions and that's just asking for trouble down the road!!!

After a failed first marriage, I had by later in life finally learned that I had to be clear Beforehand on what was acceptable to me and what wasn't. I had my ground rules. I had maybe 5 idiots on the dating site write that my expectations were too high. But others respected my list of requirements and found it refreshing that I knew what I wanted and shared it up front (before even a first date,) and many guys said they felt more secure to interact with me, knowing what was expected up front, and they were willing to comply, agree with and live by my rules. I did find my 2nd husband through there and we have not had any problems. Kids too need boundaries, they feel insecure without them and thats why kids will test to see if the boundaries are still there. The problem is not spoiled kids but parents who do not consistantly hold to the boundaries.

You may think you have communicated by saying something like, "It's okay to watch porn". To me, thats like telling the kids, sure, its okay to go down to play BY the creek." I know how kids think and I also know that if I don't specify ahead of time that playing by, (next to)the creek is okay but they are not to wade in and get their clothes and shoes wet, then I can't expect them to follow my expectations. Technically, they aren't breaking rules or my trust until they have chosen to go against my wishes that have been clearly spelled out.

You might be thinking, Isn't there some kind of sense of right and wrong that a guy should have where they Should be able to figure out ahead of time that one kind of porn is okay and another not because it crosses the line? What line? Who placed that line or boundary? Did you? Did you verbally inform him or was he supposed to be a psychic or mind reader? A nude shot in Penthouse or on line, a porn movie, or live females on line to chat with phone sex, topless joints, it's all one and the same for the guy who is doing it for sexual gratification, its porn.

So I vote for having an in depth discussion about what your expectations are, explain why you see it as off limits. Explain why as you told us that to you that's entirely a different thing. If a man loves a woman, he will not want to do anything that he knows for sure would hurt her, break trust, or jeopardize the relationship, right?

But on the flip side, Razhie, and you and I are looking at this as you being cheated on. And we need to take a step back and realize that for the most part, this is just theater of the mind, that ours brains are the biggest sexual organ we have. What I mean by theater of the mind should be self explanatory. But i will give examples to make sure we all understand.

What woman hasn't seen a photo or a movie or a passion scene with an actor she considers handsome and imagines briefly what it would feel like to have him paying her attention, kissing her, holding her and some will imagine more. Did I really kiss Brad Pitt? (or pick your choice actor) Whats to stop my mind from imagining the face of another guy when I am having sex with the husband? How do I know what person is in his mind when he's pleasuring me? Is it only about you? Is it just all about him?

Hubby and I will role play being different people, maybe some random person from another period, and act and speak the part and carry it into sex too. Are my husband and I mutually cheating on each other at that moment because I am a medieval princess to him in love with someone beneath my station, a knight. We are so good at the imagining part and our mind creating the sexual pleasure because of it. I have read that some women like to have the husband role play with her that he is a stranger, forcing her, raping her. She would never in real life want to experience the real thing. But she enjoys it sexually with her partner who is known and safe to her, so she can enjoy the danger element that excites her sexually but when it comes down to it, she knows in the end, her partner would do nothing to really hurt her or harm her. This is theater of the mind, total imagination, a great part of our excitement and pleasure coming from the part that was imagined, not the actual sex. If one or both of us imagined anything sexual with other people all the time and never took time to love, and pay attention to the needs of each other, then we would have a problem.

Here's another example of the imagination/theater of the mind:

Often I hear from gals concerning an LDR, some guy they met on line and have been in a relationship with for some extended period of time, 1 to 5 years. I tell them the same I am going to tell you, while it may seem real to them, it is not in fact a full blown relationship anywhere but in their minds, its just a fantasy. The internet is a great tool for finding a person but once found they need to take it to face to face because on screen is a flat one dimensional thing, its too easy to misrepresent or lie and its hard for example to know what the person is like 24/7 when sad, angry, worried, happy and knowing whether you can handle that. There is no opportunity to experience life together and build trust , experiences you have solid proof of by going through together. ON Line, you can only suspect trust having been broken but cant know for sure. Those types of LDR's are nothing more than a fantasy in ones mind. The mind imagines and fills in the gaps of what it can not experience in real life.

Guess what? The same thing is going on with pornography. The only problem is when some people consider the internet more real than real life. And they give it that priority and that status and things get out of balance and then real life and real girlfriends or wives get neglected.
"Real life should always come first", something a friend who plays "Second Life" online says. I agree. Real life should always come first. The question now remains, is he truly taking care of all your needs, emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually? If not, that is the real issue to be addressed.

My husband is as much a male as the next guy and enjoys nude shots of the female body. Looking at porn got him through after a divorce when he had no girlfriend. Then he met me. He wakes up way earlier than me and though I've repeated said its okay to wake me up sometimes for morning sex, he'd rather let me sleep. What he does instead is go on the computer and look at naked female shots....all of me....photos he took himself and sometimes he just looks at them and imagines and sometimes he'll masturbate. The key factor here is that he focuses first on making sure all my needs are met sexually and of course I reciprocate and do the same for him. Still, as much good sex as we have, there's always going to be a time when he will need to do this. I know he looks at my pics because I came up behind him early one morning when he had the screen up with photos of me. This is how it should be but not every relationship is as perfect. Has he seen porn clips while I've been with him? Yes, occasionally some of his old childhood guy friends will send links to funny stuff sexually, sexual jokes but sometimes the odd nudity clips. He doesnt know til he opens it. He'll usually call me over to share it with me. Nothing is kept hidden. I liked one of nude males and females on the beach posing as a group in artistic formations, like a slow changing dance, holding each position for a while. The human body can be a beautiful art form. One does not need porn to masturbate. A nude real life, non nude photo or painting or statue can be sexually stimulating too if a persons mind was open to that. At what point do we regulate and police what goes on in a persons mind...yours or his? This situation is as much what you make of it in your mind as his reasons for doing it. If my husband had a higher sex drive than me, met all my needs and still wanted more from me than I wanted to be bothered to give, I'd be perfectly happy to let him look at porn. You see, it would be in balance. Its a rare thing in 5 years together, but the one or two he has viewed he will ask me later if I want to see what he looked at. The only times that happened is when my poor husband hadn't began taking nude shots of me yet to ogle while i was still asleep and the one video he actually viewed was a nude female model posing, not doing sex but he liked it only because her body was the exact shape as mine. All he really wanted to see was me. I had to agree he was right, she did look just like me body wise.

I hope that you and he will be able to work something out together. What is going to be okay for both of you depends on the individual, where you are at in life, past experiences that may influence your interpretation of it that determines the stance you take and that is okay. So depending on where each of you are coming from and for what reasons, perhaps both of you are in the right. What you need to do is talk, lay down boundaries and come to an agreement or some compromise you both can live with. I wish you both the best.

I'm a 14 year old girl and I'm trying to masterbate but I can't get it right please tell how and tell story of your discovery please

My story won't help you, the first time i masterbated and had a strong orgasm, it scared me cus I was real young and didn't know there was such a thing as orgasms and I thought I was having a heart attack and didn't masterbate again for two years...LOL

What works best for one person may not be what works the best for the next so getting our stories isn't going to help you much dear. I wish there was something like the internet when I was your age, I would have been researching the topic like crazy myself to figure out what the one incident that happened to me was all about. But the personal computer and the internet had not been created yet for me to use. You have so much information just waiting at your fingertips, articles, you tube video's. I will start you off with a universitys short videos showing what the females parts are in detail, not just what you see from the outside, theres way more inside and how it works to bring you to orgasm. You can find more by surfing the web. If you have a hard time and want more links, let me know by contacting me through my column. Any other way and I cant respond.There are 9 total in this series and this is #4.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVL_GudwAOI

I'm a very introverted individual, and I often keep to myself. It's not that i'm shy; I just enjoy being alone (or so I thought). It actually works out better that way because I keep myself from getting hurt by fake friends or cheating boyfriends. I'm a transfer college student and ever since I transfered things have just really taken a change for the worse (mentally speaking). I decided to take a small vacation for spring break with some college friends from my previous college. The thing is I had a wonderful time. They treated me better than any of my hometown friends, and boys actually showed interest in me instead of talking about me. ANYWAY, long story short, I hated to come home today because it reminded of just how lonely I am here, and it kind of has me feeling blue. I guess my question is why am I feeling this way, and what can I do to fix it? Have any of you ever felt like this?

People who enjoy their alone time still need some social interaction. I think people are meant to interact in conversation. When I was younger and more of a loner, I tended to talk aloud to myself. You heard stories of a person who survived in the wild or somewhere cut off from society. They begin to talk to a mouse, or some inanimate object because that need is there. Even a person born mute, uses sign language. Its part of how the majority of humans are wired.

In high school, I was much like you..had figured out simply being observing others that I wanted nothing to do with 'fake' friends, and I didn't want anything to do with the the guys, they were all too immature yet for me and not worth my time. Instead, I would spend time only with a small handful of friends that were genuine people who really cared about me and i could be myself with them. I still enjoy big chunks of time alone because I really enjoy my own company. But I still find times where I enjoy the company of other people, especially my 2nd husband. Its with him that I learned something I will share now. We could do the most routine simple things together, running errands on a Saturday or doing dishes together, not that those things in themselves are tons of fun. But when its the right person or persons you are with, everything you do is more special and enjoyable and fun simply because they are there to share the experience with you. Thats when you know you have found the right people to hang out with. Looks like you have a great start with those people you mentioned. You can find others along the way in life. There's no rush. Take your time and get to know what you are looking for in a friend, what good friend material looks like. And for dating later, find a guy who is attracted to you as a friend first. Thats the best base for any successful relationship. Good luck dear.

I'm a young teen girl and I want to take better care of myself down there. How do i do that safely??

I will go into more detail on whats already been explained.Yes, the vagina is its own little ecosystem with its own cleansing ability. It would help to understand better whats going on. There is good bacteria in your vagina to keep the bad bacteria from not growing out of control. Use of douches or so called feminine products or even plain old soup will rinse out or kill the good bacteria, which then leaves your vagina defenseless and for bad bacteria to over multiply and take over. When this happens, you will notice a foul odor from down there and there may be a different discharge from your normal cleansing one. All you need really use is just water, change pads often on a period and change panties or panty liners often. The liners are great for catching the drippings of the natural cleansing fluids.
I will post a link to a cute video about the subject.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6oKSz-IBSs

Its a video series (170) on sexuality related topics and dating and relationships by Laci Green. She is fun, but informative and facts she shares are right on, in fact Planned Parenthood used her to do a series with them too. Some of the subjects won't relate to you yet or at all but there are some good ones including one on period products.

School, piles upon piles of homework, practice my instrument, practice for play, try on shoes to see if they fit, make my bed, clean my room, brush my teeth. Once it seems like I'm FINALLY free, for some me time,I gotta write some discussion questions for book club that my teacher FORCED everybody to do. Then comes stupid extra math that my teacher claims I gotta do because she has to “enrich my advanced mind" I'm not a genius, but apparently I have superior intelligence. I somehow end up with the “good parts" in stuff like plays. Most people think I'm lucky, but it seems like with all my work I can never just sit down. Being more than average isn't all what it's cracked up to be, you just gotta do extra work, and when you're good at stuff like music and theatre, you get good parts. But when you get good parts and things like that, you have to work and practice and push yourself. I love acting, and dancing, and singing, and art and music, and even reading, science, social studies, but I just wish I could lay down and not think about anything sometime. And I hate math, but because I'm starting to be good at it,I have to do more than required. There is no way out of it for me because if I quit, you know,I don't like to quit. I wanna live up to everyone's expectations, but sometimes I feel like everyone's expectations are too much. A perfect,pretty,talented,smart,amazing,remarkable… where does it end?

You do well at saying how you feel on the inside. Have you ever expressed any of how you feel on the inside to all the adults involved. Just whining and saying, This isn't fair, I wanted some relaxation time to do what I want is not good enough. Since there is more than one teacher involved and perhaps your parents push you too, it sounds like high time to have a meeting at school for your parents and ALL your teachers and the principal and you tell them exactly what you have told us here. It seems that they want you to do more than the required work for others and study harder and longer on ALL subjects under the sun. They should give you a choice on two that are somewhat related and not push on the rest....get your A's and let it be.
A person can be genious material but its not wise to attempt to be one in each area because a person can't be putting their full attention into it. Its like that saying "A Jack of all trades, but a Master of none". Perhaps all these teachers have no idea that all the other teachers are doing the same thing of pushing you to reach further than the usual student.
Also important to following the right path, even if having an advanced mind, is to take the path of subject material that interests you most. If not, there will be no passion or purpose to what you

I am a 34 year old single mother of 2, my youngest child was born 3 months premature he will be 1 on April 22nd. The relationship between his father and I has been strained since the mysterious conception of our son. Our son was conceived when his fathers condom accidentally ended up on the floor which is an issue in and of its self.

I went through my pregnancy alone after making several failed attempts to contact him to inform that I could not terminate the pregnancy. He reappeared at the hospital a few days prior to our sons birth I allowed him to give our son his last name and gave his family full access to the nicu so that they could visit at there leisure.

During the time our son was hospitalized over a period of 2 1/2 months we rekindled our relationship. When our son was finally released from the hospital in mid June his father wanted me to drop our son off with his mother the first weekend after his release from the hospital. So that he could see the new Superman movie the answer was no. Following our sons release I discovered that his father had taken to social media to express his general unhappiness with his present journey in life. This was the point when I informed his father to go and get happy absent of me.

From this point forward I have had a variety of unpleasant experiences ranging from his fathers dis-involvement with our son to being the subject of his fathers social media rants.

We stopped communication as it became useless and harmful but during this time his fathers has paid a support for our son without a court order and his family has been active in our sons life. Which I have greatly appreciated and continuously expressed my appreciation. I have provided open access to his father and fathers family from day one our son now stays the night with his fathers family on a regular basis.

The past year has been an emotional roller coaster ride as I have attempted to adjust to becoming a single mother of 2. As I stated earlier our son was 3 months premature unfortunately this past winter has not only been bad climate wise for the country but it has also been bad cold & flu wise as people coupe up inside to avoid the elements.

Due to our son being 3 months premature his compromised immune system has been rigorously tested as during his bouts with sickness I allowed him to still be transported back and forth between family's despite his obvious health issues.

My sons paternal grandmother decided to voice her opinion on why he continued to battle with sickness and that was expressed in this manner.
"The reason why he's always sick is because your always up in his face you need to stay out of his face when my kids were little I didn't let people be all up in their face."

When my son began to develop some form of separation anxiety in mid November an began to cry on a regular basis when in my care I first thought the crying was in relation to teething as he had been a very content mild tempered baby. But my sons grandmother and aunt informed me that the reason that he was crying all the time was.
"He's always crying because its too dark in your house."

Recently my son has been very demanding when he returns from visits with his family wanting to be held he cries when I leave the room and dose not want to be put down this lasts until he is home for a couple of days until he readjust to the care that I provide him with.

His grandmother's take on this was " He's crying because I do not pay him enough attention."

Of the three comments which I listed above I only informed her that the one comment that my showing of affection to to son was leading to his bout with sicknesses was offensive.

This past weekend during his visit with his fathers family I attempted to give his family some space the first date of the visit by not calling the day he left home. The second day which was Sunday I attempted to contact his grandmother at 11am giving her an opportunity to wake up and get herself and the baby situated.

I called both her cell and home phone and did not get an answer so I then called my sons aunt to question if she had spoken to her mother and informed her that I was attempting to contact her in reference to my son. This is when the aunt contacted her bother who is my sons father and then called me back and told me that my son was fine. I stated that I did not feel comfortable with this she then stated that " what you don't feel comfortable with him being left with his dad." My response was no I don't feel comfortable with not being able to contact a person that is with my son."

Per the aunt whom I repeated numerous times the reason why I felt uncomfortable and that I would speak personally to her mother to express my feeling and to come up with a new plan for communication in her absence. The aunt took it upon herself to go ahead of me an pre-brief her mother anyway. This one statement has turned into I am doing everything to keep my son from his father which is an interesting statement since my son spends consecutive days and nights at a time with his father and his fathers family.

I am at the point of removing myself form this situation as I am tired of explaining myself which resulted in the writing of this letter to the grandmother.

To avoid any further unnecessary disagreements concerning my expectations as the active mother of "B" this is what needs to be understood.

When "B" is in the custody of someone other that myself I as "B"s mother needs to be able at any given time to contact the person/persons located at the physical place where "B" is. Regardless of who's custody "B" is in at all times regarding "B"s well-being. If this is not possible "B" will not be permitted to go until the time when this is possible.
(This turned into I am trying to control the grandmother)

Moving forward please understand that as "B"s mother my actions have proven themselves thus far that I am in full support of the establishment of the relationship/Bond of "B" and his father as well as his fathers family.
(This is I am saying one thing and doing another)

Should anyone have any questions concerning me as "B"s mother concerning my thoughts, opinions, or actions please direct those questions toward me to limit any harmful communications in the future prior to accepting that information as factual to limit the power of individuals whom have a vested personal interest in seeing this arrangement fail. For whatever that reason is from this day forward please dis-involve me from any disturbances instigated by anyone other than myself.
(This is to shed light on the aunts assistance in aiding in disrupting our arrangement as I have been told that her mom did not treat her children like she is treating my son)

I would appreciate that my actions thus far would my motives concerning "B" and all parties involved.
(This came from I am sending my son to where his father is so how could I be attempting to keep them apart)

If there are any questions concerning "B"s paternity please take the appropriate steps to gather a definitive answer. I am willing and available to present myself and "B" for DNA testing to confirm his paternity.
(This came from the aunts repeated statement of and my mom knew that my kids were hers not to say that we don't think that "B" is not)

So much has happened from my sons conception to present day there is no way I cover it all please know that I have not been perfect in this situation but I have not cursed, damaged property, or purposely been disrespectful to anyone involved.

But to date I need to know if I am being difficult or unreasonable or acting in a manner that is preventing my son from establishing a bond with his father and his family.

Please Help
Ready to wash my hands of this situation.
Latosha L.

As I see it from your story, a lawyer/the courts were never involved. That is not good. Maybe he willingly paid for a while, that doesnt explain whats going on now. I did get kinda lost in all the details of your story. But if he acknowledges that this is his child and wants rights to see the child then it should be determined by the court, how often he gets to see the child. If you are the sole guardian, and the only one financially raising baby and dad has no financial contribution, his contribution as a sperm donator to making this child, has not earned him the privilege to see the child. It him and dad has no input, he as a sperm donator, has out of the good grace of your heart that you would allow any of his family to see the child. His family would have no legal right in anything to do with baby. Without something legal in place, you leave yourself wide open for anything to happen.
The little you shared his family has said so far leads me to suspect that there is a good chance someone is controlling, someone is immature, someone is meddling in things not theirs to be concerned about...etc and If I were you, and they treated me this way, I would cut off communication and visits. But hey

Can i get pregnant if the hymen have not break yet.
Will i get pregnant if my hymen is not broken? please help me

The hymen doesnt break. It can tear but it doesnt necessarily tear in all women. A hymen has nothing at all to do with preventing pregnancy. It is not a total barrier to your vagina. If it were, your period fluids would not be able to exit your body. The same way you are able to lose blood through the vagina, is the same way the sperm gets in. The hymen is nothing more than a little extra skin at the sides of the vagina and it is elastic and can be slowly stretched out using your own fingers or a dildo. Here's a model someone made in a video to explain what the hymen is, titled, "You can't pop your cherry."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA

I answered a question just like this a day or two ago. So nothing is going to change in my answer if this is the same person asking.
of sex 101...the very basics of sex and how one becomes pregnant, heres a video from Planned Parenthood explaining that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRpKabYJ8bU

I highly suggest you do some studies on your own. There is much information on the internet either in written form or in videos to watch if you don't like to read. If you want to learn how to back bread, you watch a cooking show and copy what you are told to do, if you want to learn how to drive a car, you take driving lessons. Why is it when it comes to sex that people don't study up on it before engaging in sex? Probably embarassed to ask so thats why I highly promote doing self studies. Anything specific you want to learn about sex... I can help you find a link to an article.
I suggest you study specifically birth control, otherwise known as contraception. There are different types and this is needed to prevent pregnancy. If you want to discover if you already are pregnant, then buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy, go see your doctor or go to Planned parenthood where they can test you also.

I search up some way to have an orgasm and I found one, so when you go to have a shower you would take the shower head and you would turn it to massage and put it close to your vagina and it would feel real good and it did. I also made myself have an orgasm, it was amazing!! But how could I make it even better??

Well, a good vibrator would be another way and it can be stronger than using a shower-head but I assume you're asking because you are not old enough to go to an adult toy shop for such items.
If thats the case, under age folks have been finding secondary uses of items such as electric toothbrushes, without the brush part on of course. Then there's relaxation massagers for tense muscles sold to use on other body parts like back, shoulders and such, but they work well on the clitoris too. THey are not however meant to internal massage in the vagina. You'd have to wait until you can' get your hands on a vibrating dildo for that.
What you might do is learn all you can about g spot orgasms and try to find your g spot and give yourself one of those. Its an entirely different experience, more of a whole body experience where clitoral is more centralized.

I caught a cold over the weekend and I'm exhausted because my cough is keeping me from getting rest. I don't sleep for very long and when I wake up, it's hard staying in bed and trying to sleep or relax because my cough is so bad. It gets better when I get up and move around, but I have to be able to rest as well. What can I do?

I recently had a cough and commented on it. Someone told me to rub Vic's VaporRub on the soles of my feet before getting into bed and that it would take care of it. I laughed at them but they said it worked for them. Tried it and it worked for me too. Don't know where they heard it but hey, whatever works, right?

i had my abortion in January 29 and till date (march 17) i am not having my periods but I am having constant abdominal pain. it varies on a pain scale 1/10 to 9/10 but i am having this abdominal pain constantly. ultrasonography reported no infection at all. doctor suggested me oval-g drug that gives me nauseousness but no period still. i want to know what will be the next step after this.

Razhies right, we really can't know. SO if you don't trust the doctor you're with or want a 2nd opinion, then see another.

If you're having pain, obviously something is wrong. If by chance after more testing, there still is no medical reason for your pain, then you may need to look at an emotional reason/cause for it.

The mind has an ability to affect ones physical health positively and also negatively based on what emotions we are going through. You may have had good reasons for the abortion. And despite your choice, subconsciously a part of you feels guilty and struggles with not being able to forgive yourself and go on. I don't know whats going on in your mind that may be affecting what you feel, but thats just a guess. If you need to discover what is going on for you emotionally and need counseling to get over it and let it go, then do so.
Good luck dear!

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>