|
Crush while married?
Alright lets keep this simple
Im married but i have a crush on my husband's friend. I love everything about him if i was single this is someone i would absolutely date, i would never cheat on my husband but i find myself constantly thinking of his friend. I love my husband and i wouldn't leave him for anyone but i can not get him off my mind. How can i stop thinking of him?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Short of taking a lot of cold showers I don't think there is any way to stop thinking about someone or something. In fact I see nothing wrong in you admiring or having a crush on this person. The wrong comes in if you act upon these thoughts.
When my wife and I first married, 43 years ago come July, she told me it was okay for me to look at the menu. Should I ever reordered or sampled from that menu she would harm me in a manner I would not ever forget. I told her that was fine and the same went for her, she could look but never touch.
You love your husband and that is the way it should be. Your human and at the moment you may have some lust for someone else. That's fine too; for even former President Carter once admitted he lusted in his heart for the Playboy centerfolds. Lusting or even desiring someone is not cheating, it is human. It is when you act on these thoughts that it becomes wrong.
As I said to begin with cold showers might help. Then again there is masturbation and the fantasies that goes with it or grab your husband and give him a thrill.
]
The fact is, all humans are sexual creatures that can be attracted to certain members of the opposite sex or same sex depending on your sexual orientation.
Just because we're in a relationship or put a wedding band on doesnt reprogram our bodies to not notice, react to or find oneself a bit aroused by someone else.
When I was your age and married, there was one particular school friend of his who came over in study groups some nights with two other college students. Just the fact that he was in the same room, even though all was normal appropriate talk was exciting.
Just privately enjoy the crush. Just because we have a crush or are attracted to others, single or taken, doesnt mean we have to act on it.
People panic and think they need to erase or suppress any of their sexuality when not behind closed doors with their mate. It doesn't work like that. You can't turn it on and off like a light switch.
Perhaps Christianity or other religious practices had something to do with our fear of our own sexuality. As long as we have eyes in our head, we are going to come across stuff that catches our attention at an attraction level or at a sexual level. I have found that over time, all my crushes eventually began to fade on their own or the person moved out of our sphere of influence and no longer saw them. As long as you do not go overboard into an obsession with checking out his facebook page every day and day dreaming so much about him that you fail to see to things on your daily to-do list, then it is not harmful. Enjoy the feelings, you are a normal healthy sexual woman. Once you stop feeling guilty or abnormal for it, you may begin to relax and become comfortable enough with your own sexual feelings and reactions to others at times that it no longer becomes a constant battle in your mind, simply because it is no longer thought of as a bad thing. Acting on it would be. Thinking is not.
Remember, our mind is our greatest sexual organ, without it, sex would not be the same. It is futile to attempt to regulate our minds connection to sex and flick it on and off like a switch, or to police and control any sexual thoughts or attractions to others that we ourselves or our mates or others have. It is part of how the human body works. Therefore, you also can not control or demand your husband not think of or be sexually excited by another woman he sees. Same thing dear...goes both ways. As long as he is seeing to all your needs and you to his, there is no problem. If one drops the ball with their mate due to obsessing over another person they can't have, then there is a problem that needs to be addressed.
]
Just think about how much you love your husband and put it before anyone else. Think about how your life would be without him and maybe you will be able to put the crush out of your mind.
]
More Questions: |