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no affection
i have been in this relationship for 11 months....no affection at all no kissing no huggin but we do have sex an oral..i am n love wit him but wondering do he love me...never a compliment ...he say if he didnt want me he wouldnt buy me things...very controllin ways...do i neeftoto move on? or will it change? i ask did he eva kiss his son mom he sad a few times...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Being in love has to be a two way street, without it, the relationship is out of balance. Happily change just because no one else has ever touched it.ever after only happens when both people put in maximum effort to make it so.
Sometimes our hearts can end up having feelings for a person who does not deserve them by their treatment of us. I experienced that in a first marriage. It is easy to develop an attachment to, feelings for someone with whom you are sharing that most deepest intimate part of yourself with sexually.
However for some men, sex is just sex, an act they do to take care of their horniness, no love is required for that. For other men, there is a need to connect in love, in intimacy, to be affectionate and kiss and hug to be able to have sex with his lady, and then it is not called just sex anymore, it becomes "love-making". There is much that must take place before "making love" becomes meaningful. How do both of you plant seeds of love, what are the loving thoughtful things you both do for each other to show that you love each other even when not having sex together. How does he support and uphold you
and nurture and take care of all the needs of his lady?
You both need to have a good talk. He says that buying you gifts is how he shows you that he 'wants you'. Wants you and Loves you can be the same thing but may also mean totally different things. It is possible that he meant he doesnt love you but needs something from you.
Theres a possibility that you have experienced many other situations that prove to you he is controlling but I can't make that judgement based on the fact that he is not affectionate. He might be a controller. Right now he just sounds like someone not into you as much as you are into him.
Back to gift buying, there is a concept written about in a book called the five love languages.
People tend to show love to others in the way that they would like to be shown love not the way that their partner needs to receive it. This could be the problem here. If he feels love when given gifts, then you'd need to be giving more gifts to him than cuddling up, hugging and kissing him to show him your love. He on the other hand, instead of giveing you gifts to show his love needs to hear from you how you interpret love, what love language is yours and likely yours in Intimate touch, more huggings and kisses.
Other love languages are Acts of service, quality time and Words of affirmation. Its a good thing to study for parents cus it works with kids too. Each one has their own unique love language. Of 3 kids, my oldest required 'quality time" from me, the middle daughter required the Giving of Affection and the youngest required "The giving of Gifts." They might enjoy an sencondary love language, most of us do and they all are important, mine is Acts of service. So when hubby does special things for me, it shows me he loves me. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy others. I just blossom and grow under compliments and encouraging words. And I really dig Intimate touches to show affection. Thats a close 2nd place in importance. Heres a link on that. Only you will really know if its a miscommunication of love languages here or if its something deeper and you need to leave him.
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It seems to me that he may not be as into it as you are. A relationship is composed of all the things that you say he isnt doing
1.hugs
2.kisses
3.compliments
How about you do an experiment and talk to him about this tell him how you feel and what your wishes are if he seems to not care about what you are saying to him than believe that he simply is not into it as much as you are
And im sorry to say but if its been almost a year and you have not seen any of those things that your heart desires than maybe its time to let him go!
Good luck and remember all girls deserve to feel loved by their partner and feel like the only girl in the world!
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