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Ready to wash my hands
I am a 34 year old single mother of 2, my youngest child was born 3 months premature he will be 1 on April 22nd. The relationship between his father and I has been strained since the mysterious conception of our son. Our son was conceived when his fathers condom accidentally ended up on the floor which is an issue in and of its self.
I went through my pregnancy alone after making several failed attempts to contact him to inform that I could not terminate the pregnancy. He reappeared at the hospital a few days prior to our sons birth I allowed him to give our son his last name and gave his family full access to the nicu so that they could visit at there leisure.
During the time our son was hospitalized over a period of 2 1/2 months we rekindled our relationship. When our son was finally released from the hospital in mid June his father wanted me to drop our son off with his mother the first weekend after his release from the hospital. So that he could see the new Superman movie the answer was no. Following our sons release I discovered that his father had taken to social media to express his general unhappiness with his present journey in life. This was the point when I informed his father to go and get happy absent of me.
From this point forward I have had a variety of unpleasant experiences ranging from his fathers dis-involvement with our son to being the subject of his fathers social media rants.
We stopped communication as it became useless and harmful but during this time his fathers has paid a support for our son without a court order and his family has been active in our sons life. Which I have greatly appreciated and continuously expressed my appreciation. I have provided open access to his father and fathers family from day one our son now stays the night with his fathers family on a regular basis.
The past year has been an emotional roller coaster ride as I have attempted to adjust to becoming a single mother of 2. As I stated earlier our son was 3 months premature unfortunately this past winter has not only been bad climate wise for the country but it has also been bad cold & flu wise as people coupe up inside to avoid the elements.
Due to our son being 3 months premature his compromised immune system has been rigorously tested as during his bouts with sickness I allowed him to still be transported back and forth between family's despite his obvious health issues.
My sons paternal grandmother decided to voice her opinion on why he continued to battle with sickness and that was expressed in this manner.
"The reason why he's always sick is because your always up in his face you need to stay out of his face when my kids were little I didn't let people be all up in their face."
When my son began to develop some form of separation anxiety in mid November an began to cry on a regular basis when in my care I first thought the crying was in relation to teething as he had been a very content mild tempered baby. But my sons grandmother and aunt informed me that the reason that he was crying all the time was.
"He's always crying because its too dark in your house."
Recently my son has been very demanding when he returns from visits with his family wanting to be held he cries when I leave the room and dose not want to be put down this lasts until he is home for a couple of days until he readjust to the care that I provide him with.
His grandmother's take on this was " He's crying because I do not pay him enough attention."
Of the three comments which I listed above I only informed her that the one comment that my showing of affection to to son was leading to his bout with sicknesses was offensive.
This past weekend during his visit with his fathers family I attempted to give his family some space the first date of the visit by not calling the day he left home. The second day which was Sunday I attempted to contact his grandmother at 11am giving her an opportunity to wake up and get herself and the baby situated.
I called both her cell and home phone and did not get an answer so I then called my sons aunt to question if she had spoken to her mother and informed her that I was attempting to contact her in reference to my son. This is when the aunt contacted her bother who is my sons father and then called me back and told me that my son was fine. I stated that I did not feel comfortable with this she then stated that " what you don't feel comfortable with him being left with his dad." My response was no I don't feel comfortable with not being able to contact a person that is with my son."
Per the aunt whom I repeated numerous times the reason why I felt uncomfortable and that I would speak personally to her mother to express my feeling and to come up with a new plan for communication in her absence. The aunt took it upon herself to go ahead of me an pre-brief her mother anyway. This one statement has turned into I am doing everything to keep my son from his father which is an interesting statement since my son spends consecutive days and nights at a time with his father and his fathers family.
I am at the point of removing myself form this situation as I am tired of explaining myself which resulted in the writing of this letter to the grandmother.
To avoid any further unnecessary disagreements concerning my expectations as the active mother of "B" this is what needs to be understood.
When "B" is in the custody of someone other that myself I as "B"s mother needs to be able at any given time to contact the person/persons located at the physical place where "B" is. Regardless of who's custody "B" is in at all times regarding "B"s well-being. If this is not possible "B" will not be permitted to go until the time when this is possible.
(This turned into I am trying to control the grandmother)
Moving forward please understand that as "B"s mother my actions have proven themselves thus far that I am in full support of the establishment of the relationship/Bond of "B" and his father as well as his fathers family.
(This is I am saying one thing and doing another)
Should anyone have any questions concerning me as "B"s mother concerning my thoughts, opinions, or actions please direct those questions toward me to limit any harmful communications in the future prior to accepting that information as factual to limit the power of individuals whom have a vested personal interest in seeing this arrangement fail. For whatever that reason is from this day forward please dis-involve me from any disturbances instigated by anyone other than myself.
(This is to shed light on the aunts assistance in aiding in disrupting our arrangement as I have been told that her mom did not treat her children like she is treating my son)
I would appreciate that my actions thus far would my motives concerning "B" and all parties involved.
(This came from I am sending my son to where his father is so how could I be attempting to keep them apart)
If there are any questions concerning "B"s paternity please take the appropriate steps to gather a definitive answer. I am willing and available to present myself and "B" for DNA testing to confirm his paternity.
(This came from the aunts repeated statement of and my mom knew that my kids were hers not to say that we don't think that "B" is not)
So much has happened from my sons conception to present day there is no way I cover it all please know that I have not been perfect in this situation but I have not cursed, damaged property, or purposely been disrespectful to anyone involved.
But to date I need to know if I am being difficult or unreasonable or acting in a manner that is preventing my son from establishing a bond with his father and his family.
Please Help
Ready to wash my hands of this situation.
Latosha L.
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You have been way to kind in allowing the fathers family visitation with their grandchild. As a matter of law they do not have any such rights only the father has these rights.
Your question is long and what you have written, in short will have no standing in law unless approved and ordered by the courts. For your own good and the good of your child you need to contact an attorney who specializes in family law.
Your child's father may be paying child support now. Though without an order of the court he can stop and disappear at any time. As the child’s father he is legally responsible to provide certain support until the child's 18th birthday. This support includes not only monetary support but health insurance and term life insurance to cover his child support through to the child's 18th birthday.
In the order for custody and support you can spell out visitation and the terms of that visitation including when and how long the grandparents can have visitation. The visitation order will include or can include certain terms such as your ability to contact them while the child is in there custody and where they can take him.
Without the legal order of the courts drawn up by a component attorney you have no legal regress and the grandparents are free to do as they please when they have the child. I would go so far to say, depending on the laws of your state, as to claim abandonment when you leave the child with them for any extended period.
The smart thing to do, the right thing to do is to contact a lawyer and have the proper court order gotten to protect you and your child.
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As I see it from your story, a lawyer/the courts were never involved. That is not good. Maybe he willingly paid for a while, that doesnt explain whats going on now. I did get kinda lost in all the details of your story. But if he acknowledges that this is his child and wants rights to see the child then it should be determined by the court, how often he gets to see the child. If you are the sole guardian, and the only one financially raising baby and dad has no financial contribution, his contribution as a sperm donator to making this child, has not earned him the privilege to see the child. It him and dad has no input, he as a sperm donator, has out of the good grace of your heart that you would allow any of his family to see the child. His family would have no legal right in anything to do with baby. Without something legal in place, you leave yourself wide open for anything to happen.
The little you shared his family has said so far leads me to suspect that there is a good chance someone is controlling, someone is immature, someone is meddling in things not theirs to be concerned about...etc and If I were you, and they treated me this way, I would cut off communication and visits. But hey
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