(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
I'm not going to go into detail, but there's this guy who really seems to think that I'm going to wait around forever for him. Newsflash: I'm not. Basically, he seems to think that I'm just going to be his loyal princess, or whatever, but he seems to get alarmed when it looks like I'm distancing myself from him.
I wanted to get the message across to him without being overly rude, so today, when I passed him (I usually strike up a conversation FIRST) I said absolutely nothing.
I saw him do a double take, almost like he was waiting for me to say something, and when I didn't, he was like "What the fuck?"
I've tried this before, and the next day, he actually took a different route to class to avoid me.
Do you think this will help him appreciate me? I know you're probably going to say "Why don't you talk it out with him?" Let's just say we aren't at that point yet.
Any other suggestions are helpful.
The Answer
When you get so annoyed that you start playing games (and the silent treatment can certainly be a 'game' we play when went are trying to get someone to behave differently) then you ARE at the point where you either need to talk to out, or at very least DECIDE what you will and will not do.
So, what can YOU do about this. You can choose not to speak to him. You could choose to try and get over him. You could choose to ignore him. You could choose to follow him around like a puppy dog.
Do I think any of that will help HIM change? Fuck, I dinno. Probably not. This isn't really about him. This is about you. Your bounderies. Your power. Your choice.
Trust me, you will feel WAY better when you take charge of yourself and stop worrying so much about his response to your actions. You can't MAKE him do anything. You can only choose what you are willing to do.
Are you willing to talk to him? Are you willing to wait? If not, don't.
Just don't cause bullshit babe. Don't try to munipluate him, it wont get you anymore. You can't change is mind, or make him treat ya better. Only he can decide to do that.
Just draw your line in the sand, and be confident in your choices. Whatever he does, he does.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Before you press the "Back" button to answer another question, please take this seriously. I know that almost every day, a 13 year old girl asks about being pregnant. This is different.
Oh, and please don't judge me.
I am a 17 year old guy. Before this weekend, I had never done anything sexual with anybody. This weekend, me and one of my guy friends (he is 17) had oral sex. I asked him before if he had any STD's or AIDS, and he said no because some his other partners were virgins before he met them, but he later told me that some of them were not. He has had a sexual relationship with 4 other people.
I am really scared. I need to get tested for STD's and AIDS. I want to do it tomorrow after school at Planned Parenthood. I looked at their website and it says that they do STD and AIDS testing. I'm just worried about getting tested. Will they tell my mom because I'm a minor? I have money from my job that will pay for the testing, but I can't show proof of insurance or anything. Is that okay?
Is it too soon to get tested if I had oral sex today and want to get tested tomorrow? How long will it take for the results to come, and how accurate are they?
I live in Georgia.
Thank you so much. You have no idea how truly scared I am and thankful that you read this.
The Answer
First off: Take a really deep breath and calm down.
It's smart and sensible of you to be worried, but most of the STD's you can get through oral sex are not quite as serious, or as great a risk, as they are in vaginal or anal sex. It is very, very, unlikely for you have contracted HIV orally.
So don't make yourself sick with worry please, it won’t help you and you will likely have to wait a while for results.
Secondly: Call Planned Parenthood. You need an appointment. If you just show up, they probably won’t be able to help you. It might take weeks for you to get it. They book up well in advance.
They will not tell your parents.
Most appointments are free of charge at Planned Parenthoods. You'll have to ask for details on payment though, just to be sure.
STD tests are very reliable with the exception of the Herpes test. Your doctor will probably do a blood test for Herpes to double-check.
I know, as a woman, it takes two to three weeks to get lab results back from my GP. You'll have to ask your doctor for specifically how long it will take, but I wouldn't bet on less then two weeks unless the PP has a lab on site.
So do try and relax a bit. There is nothing you can do now but take care of yourself and wait. Oh, and try not to fool around with liars. That's a toughest part of all.
--
The previous advice you have gotten about HIV and AIDs is flat out incorrect. HIV can be detected by a test about 22 days after you are infected. You don't need to start showing symptoms. It's in your blood after all. The number of people given false negative tests (that means the test said they didn't have HIV but they did) was 0.003% in the States in 2005. The test is as accurate as humanly possible.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
ok, everybody at my school keeps on talking about this kid a couple grades older than me and how he got a bunch of hickeys, and everybody seems to know what it is, but im too embaresd to ask anybody what it means when everybody else somehow knows. so can you tell me what they are?
The Answer
Google is your friend.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
ok well i got my period for the first time around february 4th, i still have not told my mom about because well i just reallllly hate to talk about those things with her especially because she makes it soo emarressing. I just use some of my sister's pads and nobody notices that they are gone. do you think i should tell her???
The Answer
She's gonna figure it out when your sister suddenly needs twice the number of pads don't you think?
Just bite the bullet and tell her. It's not a big deal. It happens to every girl once a month right?
Better to suffer through the awkwardness now and get it out of the way then have to talk about it for even longer later.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
so lets just say, after a year and a half relationship that ended excrutiatingly painfully, i want to be able to date around and have fun. make guys want me and just kinda play the field but get out before it becomes serious. my question, how can i go about doing this without getting attached? i seem to get attached fairly quickly. =0
The Answer
Maybe you can't.
We all have our styles when it comes to attachment and flirting. Maybe you are the kind of person who isn't comfortable just fooling around, but when she likes someone, truly likes them.
I'm not sure it's worth forcing yourself into a different emotional mold, just for some fun.
HOWEVER, you could probably try stretching your flirting muscles with guys you know you wont have to interact with agian. Guys at the bar who you never intend to call or strangers out at stores or on the street. If you will never see them agian, everything is far less risk, and you'll probably feel more relaxed and less deeply involved.
Keep your flirting interactions really brief, and hopefully you'll get the idea that not every firlt has to 'lead to something'.
Also, date more then one person at once. Give yourself permission to have more then one crush at once. As long as you are honest and respectful of people, there is nothing wrong with that.
Good Luck.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
okay well i cant find ripped jeans in american eagle or aeropostale and abercrombie&&fitch is so expensive so i kinda wanna make my own but im afraid ill mess up and they will look bad cause i dont have many jeans they are all to short on me so can someone who has done this tons of times give me step by step directions
The Answer
http://www.wikihow.com/Distress-Jeans-Without-Using-Sand-Paper
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Distressed-Jeans
I've used both of these methods. Just remember to water down bleach if you are using it. Most house holds bleach need to be water down to about 3 parts water, 1 part bleech or else it will just eat your clothing away. Better to use too little bleach at first, then too much.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Alright, i read this thing...i don't really know what i meant but it said something that i could reverse looking like a virgin or something, but i thought that you couldn't tell if they were a virgin or not..can you???
The Answer
Your question makes percious little sense, but I will do my best to answer it.
A person who has some idea of what they are looking for can tell if a women's hymen is intacted or not. In many cultures the hymen is looked for in a woman as 'proof' of her virginity, but the truth is the hymen can be broken in a lot of other ways besides having sex.
So no, there is no way to be absolutely, 100% certain that a person is a virgin or not, but the hymen is often taken as proof of virginity.
Some women will have thier hymen's replaced with very expensive surgury so that they can supply that 'proof' to thier husband on thier wedding night.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
16/f
I've only really made out alot and stuff with one boy, pathetic..I know. Well, now we've been broken up for about 1 and half years and I got a new boyfriend. He wants me to kiss him and stuff but I told him that I'm not ready for that yet. I'm absolutly terrified of kissing him. I'm even scared of giving him a little peck. I know that I'm scared for two reasons:
#1 I'm afraid that by kissing him our realationship will get really serious and I know from past experiences that as soon the realationship gets serious I get freaked and dump him.
#2 I'm sooo scared that I'm a really bad kisser. My current boyfriend has had a ton of experience and I'm afraid I won't meet up to his standards.
How can I overcome this fear?!
Sorry that this is so long!
Thanks for your help
The Answer
Talk to him.
Seriously. I know that sounds even MORE scarry, but it is the best way to reduce your fear.
Just tell him what you told us. That you are afriad of getting too serious and freaking out, and you are afriad that you are a bad kisser.
If he is a good guy, he will reasure you, and it will help him understand and deal with your behavoir if he knows what feelings are motivating you. Telling him doesn't mean you have to change what you are doing, it just means he'll know.
Keep in mind that kissing a new person for the first time is ALWAYS a bit awkward. Everybody has thier own style, it takes a bit to be confident and understand eachother. I've been making out with people for almost ten years now, and every once and a while I miss where I was aiming, our teeth knock a little bit, our noses bump... whatever! Those things happen and don't make you a bad kisser. They make you human.
If you are nervous, just follow your partners lead and let them control the kiss untill you get a better feel for thier style.
It's really not as big a deal as your mind has made it out to be. When you are ready, just take a deep breath, and let it happen.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
alright, so my Ex boyfriend, ( well call him rob) cheated on me with my cousin (well call her jen) and then my ex rob broke up with me on the 12th of auguest but he started going out with jen on the 8th.. and i told her that and she doesnt seem it mind i guess.. but a couple days ago rob IMed me and was like i hope we can still be friends and i said of course and he randomly asked me do i miss sex and i said well yah and he said he did to and he just went on about how much sex was fun with me and crap like that and if i would he would do it again and he wants me to like spend the night at his house but pretend im going there to hang out with his sister.. and he said a lot more stuff like that. if i was still going out with rob and he said that kinda stuff to some girl i would want the girl to tell me.. but this girl happens to be my cousin.. and im stuck like i think i should tell her.. but if i do that im going to lose my friendship with rob and i really dont want to. and if i dont tell her.. im going to feel kinda guilty , but she did it to me and she didnt care.. so i dont know why i care, shouldnt i just let it be and not say anything to her?? im so confused.. what do you think i should do??
The Answer
Please don't mess around with this scum bag. You are only a piece of ass to him. I would hold such a boy in less esteem then I would a maggot.
Tell him to go fuck himself. Please.
I don't think you 'owe' your cousin the truth. She helped him to cheat on you so she should already knows that is the kind of guy he is. You could tell her if you like. That would be the nice thing to do, although she likely wont believe you. That's alright, don't argue with her about it. If you are going to tell her, just tell her, and then back down. Let her believe what she likes.
The only thing you really need to do though is stop talking to your scum bag ex. It isn't right for him to saying those things to you, so it would be best if you stopped speaking to him.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
this aint a question, but more of a comment...i understand what are saying, but the way you put i found it to be quite offensive....i dont need to call me dumb...okay you call my actions dumb, same thing to me...i didnt ask for your sarcasticness...
thank you,
that's all i wanted to say!!!
The Answer
Your welcome.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
is discharge like the eggs coming out?
I'm not trying to sound stupid, but i cant like figure out what it is.
The Answer
Discharge is just a different kind of mucus. Like the stuff that is in your nose.
Vaginal discharge is the way the vagina keeps itself moisturized and clean.
The unfertilized egg is microscopic, and comes out with your menstrual blood.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
19/f
Okay I'm kinda in a bad situation. This 23-year-old man and I are friends, well more like friends with benefits. He has a girlfriend, but he and I have been messing around since February. It started off as him giving me a massage, but it developed into something I didn’t expect. I know that it’s wrong but it feels so right. LOL!! I'm a virgin (by intercourse), and he knows it, but he is not. He says he doesnt't mind it, but i dont believe him. We have gotten as far as oral sex. Sometimes I feel like I want to have sex with him so bad, and other times I feel like I should wait. My question is should I have sex with him since we already gone so far?
2) When we get together to mess around, he calls me “baby”. Well he doesn’t call me anything else but “baby” when we mess around. Is that just because he is into the moment or am i blowing things out of proportion?
3) He asked me did i miss him over the summer, and i said no but i miss what we do. He said me too, and asked me why I didn’t miss him. i told him that i just didn’t and then he got mad. Does that mean he wanted me to? And does that mean that he missed me?
4) Should I stop messing around with him? Please give me a reason!!!
The Answer
Do you want to be the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with? Do you want to sleep with a guy who thinks its okay to break his agreements with other women in his life and betray them?
Just don't kid yourself okay? He is betraying one girl. Eventually, no mater how casual your relationship is with him, he could betray you too. Monogamy isn't a pre-requisite for sexual betrayal or emotional game-playing.
I'm not one for fucking people I can't trust. It makes the act way too risky.
You can't trust a guy who is cheating on someone with you. His priorities CAN'T be secure, or noble.
You know what you are doing, and considering, is kind of dumb, so no one here can give you any reason you probably haven't already thought of, it really just comes down to this:
Is this the person you want to be?
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Okay my best frann lets call her Ashley.
She talked to my ex bf and pissed him off to where he broke up with meh. I was so mad at her but I was still her best frann bc we have known eachother for 8 years. But Lately we have been getting into big fights and now she won't talk to mehh bc I asked this guy she likes if he liked her and now she hates mehh for askign him that. She won't belive mehh when I say that he said no. She thinks Im lieing. I want to help her but I can't do that if she likes him so much she doesn't want to belive mehh. She won't even look at me now and she told mehh that if I were a true frann I wouldn't lie to her like tht but Im not lieing. I want to work this out but I have to go to the same school as her and she said if I say one thing to her she will tell everyone all my secrets and Im kinda scared. I have tons of other franns but she is making my frann Kelcie hate mehh. I wish I knew what to do.
Your help would be nice.
thanks.
XOXO
shelbyshoo
The Answer
Stop telling her what she doesn't want to hear. Give her some space and don't interfer with her dealings with guys agian.
Some girls are just stupid, plain old stupid, when it comes to guys. It can't be helped. You can either choose not to be thier friend, or you can respectfully accept that they are just going to be dumb as a post when it comes to a guy they like.
Ashley is dumb as a post when it comes to this guy. There is nothing you can do about it.
If you still want to be her friend, leave her alone. She might come around, and be friendly with you agian if you just give her some space. Just don't get in the middle of her love life agian.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
i feel like my life is slipping away because im always trying to find a girlfriend that will last more then a week, but everything falls through. i keep thinking that if i dont make memories now then when im old i wont have anything and ultimately end up commiting suicide
The Answer
What about memories with friends and families?
What about other ambitions? Art? Money? Fame? Skills?
If a girlfriend is all you want in life, you'll have a hard time finding a girl who wants you. Very few people want to be a in a relationship where they are the ONLY thing tha other person has. Other interests are attractive, good friends are attractive, excitment about life is attractive!
If you aren't excited about your life, YOUR OWN LIFE, not the life you can share with a girlfriend, then you aren't going to have girls flocking to you.
Don't be depressed. Find something to be excited about. Anything. A book or tv show would be a good start. If you really can't manage that, then you probably need to seek some professional help, because it can't ALL be about a girlfriend. It can never be ALL about another person.
It doesn't take a girlfriend to make good memories. Some of my best memories have very little to do with other people and more to do with my own achievments and pleasure.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
15/m
ive been trough many relationships, im a nice guy siriously, well every girl ive gone out with well they all ended up being bitches or something like that and they all broke up with me for dumb reasons like we wern't french kissing by our third day of going out and stuff like that, but this year i met this girl i thought she was different she told me she liked me but that she couldnt have a boyfreind till shes 16 so i told her i would wait, a few weeks later she told me she rather be freinds i told her it was alright but the other day i found out she has a boyfreind already, my point is, it there any girls out there who arent like that who are nice, pretty smart, and have a great personality? or why is it so hard to find someone like that?
The Answer
It's hard because you are fifteen.
Seriously. These girls, and you yourself as well, have no real concept of what they want from a rommantic relationship, and even less of an idea on how to get it!
Most of them probably never 'lied' to you, they simply had no idea what the real reason they were doing what they were doing was. A lot of adults make the same mistakes.
I humbly suggest to you, that you if you are only fifteen years old have been 'through many realtionships' perhaps you are entering relationships and persuing crushes faaaaar too quickly!
It sounds like you too, might be confused about what you want and in a bit of a rush to get, rather then taking a step back, establishing a solid friendship and a real understand of a person before you explore anything more.
If you are a little more discerning, get to know a girl a bit better and have a bit more self-knowledge I would bet the number of 'bitches' in your life would drastically decrease.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
my boyfriend best mate has all ready split me and his best m8 up before and i think he is trying to do it again how do i get round this??
xxgirl needing help :( xx
The Answer
If your boyfriend's friend has that much power in your relationship, you are already in deep trouble.
Talk to your boyfriend about it. No one really has the power to break a couple up. Only you and your boyfriend make that decision. If your boy doesn't want to be with you, he wont be. If he does, he will. You'll need to talk to him to figure that all out.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
my boyfriend wants to have sex with me and i fell like i want to but im scared i will fall pregnant wat shold i do???
xx need advice girl xx
The Answer
Wait until you are certain.
Use protection. Educate yourself about it, and use it correctly.
Accept that there is always some risk, even a small one, of pregnancy. If that risk just seems too big and scarry for you, that is a sign that you are not ready for sex.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
But the guy i want to do it with is 10 years older than me what should i do
The Answer
Not have sex. Duh.
I really want a pet snow lepoard, but that would be bad, for me and for the lepoard.
We don't always get to do what we want.
You already know having sex with this guy is a BAD idea. You don't need us to tell you that.
If you are under sixteen, it's also very illegal, and if you do go through with it, it's very likely this guy will get thrown into jail for a good long time, and frankly, he should be.
Enjoy your fantasties. Stay away from this guy.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Um, well this question is not so much of a question...Im really scared of what im doing to my body..I've done somthing horribly wrong and I've always known that I've been hurting myself but I do it anyways...I've been using tampons in the wrong way. Um well first I masterbate (sorry I didn't know what else to say to replace that word) intirely wayyy too much, its an everday issue with me and its not that im desprate its just that im too shy to do any thing with a guy so I just....ya. Well since I've done that so much, I've had alot of discharge, it feels like Im always on my period and so thats why I use a tampon everyday and my mom found out because shes notice she buys them almost every other week..I've been doing this for over three years now I think or two years and over time I think its been messing me up becuase I've bled once lightly for a week and I had just quit and then I have odors and its all the time and it changes but its horrible and its extremly embarresing and thats also why I haven't done any thing with a guy..not that u needed to know that but... I still use tampons and I still have odors and heavy discharge and I do still get my period at regular times but I dont know whats wrong with me. My mom told me I could die if I kept doing this but I dont know what else to do. She wont take me to the doctor but she only forgets so its alright but she doesnt think that anythings wrong with me she just thinks I need to quite using them but I want to stop it. But I dont really want to go anyways. I just want to know if theres somthing I can do or if it will ever go away or if I may have something like a disease or sickness or any thing. The odor and heavy discharge happened like a year and a half ago but if you have any idea what may be wrong with me without me having to see a doctor that would be great or any thing I can do to stop it please and thank you for your time and helping me!
The Answer
You need to see a doctor.
DO NOT USE A DOUCHE.
Once more, for effect: DO NOT DOUCHE.
Your poor vagina is probably already so raw, so over ridden with bad bacteria and so unhealthy that douching would only remove what little protection it has left and leave you exposed to all sorts of illnesses.
GO TO A DOCTOR.
I know that isn't the advice you want, but it's the only sensible advice anyone could give you.
It's very likely that you have interfered with your vagina's natural behavior to the point that you have developed an infection. Or at very least, have harmed your vagina to the point it needs medical attention and you need medical instruction on how to treat it properly.
Only a doctor will be able to tell you for certain if you are okay or not, and frankly, I don't think it's worth the risk of not being okay.
Some discharge is normal and is the way the vagina keeps itself healthy, but you haven't been letting your vagina keep itself healthy! If the discharge you have now is thick and smells bad that is very likely cause by some sort of bacterial infection, vaginosis would be my best guess, but since I've never heard of any women doing what you are doing before, you'll really need a doctor to tell you what is wrong. It could be something far more serious, and after being left so long, it could have spread.
Your mother is right. Using tampons like this could kill you. Toxic Shock Syndrome can happen when a tampon is left in too long, and that can kill you. You could also be causing infections that could easily spread to the surrounding organs or into your blood, and then those infections could kill you.
Stop it if you value your life.
Bacterial infections do not go away with a doctor's visit. Period. It won’t happen.
If you are sick, you will not just get better on your own.
If you don't see a doctor, you will likely just keep doing what you are doing, until one day it catches up with you and you find yourself in the emergency room. That will probably be a lot more embarrassing don’t you think? Well, it will be embarrassing if you survive.
Perhaps you could try using thin panty-liners instead of tampons to deal with the discharge and shower more often. Wearing pads or panty liners is only a slight improvement, but it would still be better then tampons. Whatever it takes to end this behavior, do it. Some women find trimming the hair on their out labia reduces the odor and discomfort, making it easier to feel clean.
You might also try confessing to your mother what a serious problem this has become, instead of pretending it's not big deal. It's your health. It is a big deal. Her help could be invaluable.
Take care of yourself, even if it's scary and uncomfortable, because no one else is going too.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
ok so today me and my boyfriend had sex and we didnt have proctection but we cant get it because none of our friends know and we arent going to go and buy them ourselves so he just takes it out before he feels like he is going to finnish, well today he said he didnt feel it until 10 seconds before he finnished and he pulled out and about 8 second after he finnished. i freaked out of course but he said he could feel when he pre cums so i dont know if i should believe him or what. ALso, what are the first signs of being pregnant ?
The Answer
Clearly, you should not trust this guy. He doesn’t have the control he thinks he does, obviously!
Even if he did, you both did a very silly thing. The pull-out method is at best about 60% effective. You are practically asking for a baby.
I just asked the four guys sitting in the room if they could 'feel' their pre-cum. Most of them said "No, not really" and one said "Shit no." I can’t speak from experience myself, but I find it a bit ludicrous that a guy could feel that tiny bit of warm liquid while in an environment full of warm liquid.
I'm sorry to say it, but I think at best your boyfriend is deluded, and at worse he is a liar.
Pre-cum is also not something that just happens once you know. Small amounts can appear several times while a guy is hard, not just when he is close to finishing.
You are playing Russian roulette with your fertility. Don’t be a dummy. No more sex until one of you has the sense and maturity to buy condoms and learn to use them correctly.
The first major sign of pregnancy is missing your period, anything else could just be in your head now that you so worried. Most home tests are only valid after you are at least three days and sometimes a week late. You'll just have to wait it out and keep your fingers crossed.
Remember, the stress isn't worth it! Use protection and don't fuck numbskulls.
(View All Other Answers.)