"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.

Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)

    The Question
    WHAT SH0ULD i D0??

    The Answer
    You should not write in all caps, it is considered rather rude and it's painful to read. It is also agianst the rules of the site.

    If this were asked to the pool it would be immediately deleted and you would be asked to re-write it normally. Because you sent it to me personally I'll make that request: Re-write this question kindly and I'll gladly answer it.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    me and my freind went to her boyfreinds house and got drunk and i had unprotective sex with this one guy and she almost did with her boyfreind but didnt then she got super sick and almost died and i held her up when she was throwing up and when no noe would help her i helped her into the car and called my mom wich sucked and risked EVERYTHING everything we have done just everything.
    and then we went to the hospital and called her parents wich now hate me and she told them i had sex with this one guy and everything i have done.

    what should i do?
    how do i get our freindship back?
    how do i get her to know that those were her desissions?
    i feel guilty and like a horrible freind.
    like it was all my fault.
    i could have stopped it.
    and if i wouldbnt have called my mom and tooken her to the hospital she would have died.
    please help.
    thank you.

    The Answer
    You saved her life. You made the very best decision you could in a very bad situation that she got herself into.

    It's not your responsibility to protect your friend from her poor choices. You both messed up, and you have your own guilt to deal with, you needn't take on hers.

    Let her cool down for a bit. Hopefully after the pain and fear subside a bit she will be able to realize the logic of what you did and you can both learn from this, forgive and move on.

    But for now let her wallow. Hating you is probably easier then hating herself. You be secure in your good judgment and quick action.

    If anything, learn from this that poorly planned 'fun' like you were having is dangerous, not just for a obvious reasons, but for what it can do to relationships. Use some discretion next time and protect both yourself and the people with you.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    how long do you have to wait to take the pregnancy test for it to work after you have sex? how lnog?

    The Answer
    The very earliest a home pregnancy test claims to be accurate is three days before the first day of your next period (very few brands, like First Response, make this claim, and the claim is pretty doubtful). Most pregnancy tests however, are only accurate after three days to a week after the first day of your missed period.

    Try to relax and wait it out. Taking a test now would probably be a waste of money.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Just wondering - how flirtatious a gesture do you consider playfully slapping someone on the shoulder?

    The Answer
    Flirting is almost entirely about subtext: the undertones and situation around the action, the inexpressible emotional content and body language.

    Slapping someone on the shoulder isn't a 'flirting' action by itself. Hell, I do that to my little sister all the time.

    No one else can really tell you what flirting is. Just fool around, practice it, and keep your eyes open for it. Trust your gut. You'll catch on.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm a teenage girl. I'm single, and a virgin. (and sick of it) For the past five years of my life I have wanted to commit suicide because I have recently discovered that there is no point in living.

    I'm very overweight and I'm ugly. The one boy who has ever loved me was a liar and he had a mental problem. (not being sarcastic) I have no friends and I really want to die. I've been working as a stage actress for a while but I realized I have no talent at all.

    My point is: No one loves me and no one ever will. I can't live any longer without being loved. What should I do? How can I survive without love?

    Everyone treats me like I'm seven years old. I look a lot older than my age and most people ask me if I'm in college. I hate my life so much. Oh, and I do masturbate regularly so don't say that I should try that. It's not a substitute for a partner or for real love. Also: all of my peers have boyfriends. So I'm the only one who's single and a loner.
    By the way, no one ever listens to me when I talk so that's another reason why I want to kill myself.
    Please give me advice.

    The Answer
    You are sick. Plain and simple.

    Would you consider killing yourself because you had a kidney disease? Of course not! You'd go to the doctor and get it fixed.

    You are ill. Depression is an illness. Being suicidal is being unwell. Why aren't you going to a doctor?

    You can keep choosing to wallow in your own self-loathing. You can even choose to die. I'm just some person online. I can't stop you. I would if I could, but I can't. No one really can. No one is going come along to save you. Not because they don't love you, not because they don't want too, because they can't, because you can't let them.

    The first steps out of depression are hard, and you must take them alone. After that, there is a world of help out there for you, but not until you ask.

    You want to be happy again? Fight for it. Fight for your life.

    Don't give me some weak excuse about your parents. You are not a child and you do not require anyone's permission to take care of yourself or chase happiness. You have access to resources and people that can help through your school, through your friends, through other adults and family. If you can't escape the self-indulgent bullshit in your head long enough to reach out to a counselor or another adult then at least call this number 1-800-273-8255 and speak to somebody at the National Suicide Prevention hotline. No excuses. No bullshit. Don't waste your own time dithering about it. Enough time has been wasted on this. Don't even think about it. Just do it. Now.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    ok it seems like every question i post is deleted bc it was 'givin the lowest rating my level I moderators' or somethin like that but ive seen some questions on here before kinda similiar to the ones i post but they dont get deleted!! only mine do and it pisses me off bc i need to kno stuff too!!! why does it do that??

    The Answer
    Moderators rate questions down that are poorly written, that we've seen a hundred times before, or ones that just don't make any sense. If five moderators agree that your question deserves the lowest rating it gets deleted.

    If you don't want your questions to be deleted run your questions through a spell checker before you post, don't use more then one ! or ? per sentence and use capitals.

    Everyone needs to know things dear, but it is much nicer to help people who help themselves. We want to encourage people to write questions well so that we can understand and help them thoroughly. Very few people here care if the way you type is a form of self-expression, or if you are just to lazy to write out because instead of bc. In order to get the best answers and higher ratings, that is what is expected.

    If your question is that important too you then it is important enough to spell check and capitalize.

    Honestly, your questions aren't that bad. I browsed through your question history and you have a lot of questions for the past few days that haven't been deleted and probably wont be. If you would just take a moment, throw in some capitals and apostrophes you'd probably find very few get deleted anymore. As for the other questions you see that are like yours, check to see if they use chat speak and ignore grammar. If they do, they probably just haven't been deleted yet. Questions with chat-speak and no semblance of grammar will get rated down by five moderators eventually, just takes a little while to happen.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I am very sad!!

    Last night my bf asked me if I think that I was ready for marriage ..I was surprise and happy of course .He just pop up with the question if I love him and if I want to marry him one day .
    I said yes ...I was really happy.
    After that we kept on talking about marriage and stuff than I told him that If I ought to marry him I want to keep my own lastname ....He got really mad and told me that he doesn't like my desicion.

    The real reason why I wouldn't like his lastname is that his parents has the same last name and they really hate me and do really bad and nasty stuff to me .THEY HURT ME A LOT,
    It's really hard for me to go around with the lastname of my biggest enemies
    I love my bf ..we had been A LOT to be togheter ..his parents did the imposible things to seperate us ..They are really jealous about their son.
    The second reason is that my dad has more than 5 childrens and he only gave me his lastname ..I'm proud to have this lastname and I really don't want to change it..

    Can anyone understand me ?????
    I don't want to hurt him but how to explain to him this strange feeling ?
    I'm really sad ..

    The Answer
    You don't want to change your name and that's okay. It's your name, the only one you have ever had. The choice is completely and utterly yours.

    You don't need to bring up your distain for his parents with your boyfriend. That would be insulting his last name, which I'm sure he cherishes just as much as you do yours, just focus on what it is you value about your own name, it's legacy, it's bond with your father, and how you clearly recognize that marriage is about far more then a name on a piece of paper. It's about an oath and a shared life, not about what name is on the cable bill.

    And then hear him out. It is understandable that he would be upset by your decision, even if it isn't logical, and his feelings should be acknowledged and respected. His desire for tradition (except traditions should be meaningful, not oppressive), his desire to be 'normal' (except keeping ones own name is perfectly normal) and his idea that sharing a name makes a couple truly married in the eyes of strangers (utter nonsense and completely meaningless) might all be illogical, but they are still very powerful feelings for him. They are just not a very good reason for you to change your identity if you don't want to.

    You might try to discuss other options, like hyphenating both names, guaranteeing any children would carry his name, or taking his name but always using your own professionally, anything that you feel is acceptable to you but might make him more comfortable.

    But in the end, it's completely your choice. If you choose not to take his name, then that is just the way it will be. Respect his pain, acknowledge it and appreciate how very real it is for him, but also expect him to get the hell over it. Your name is your choice, married or not. That is something he will need to make his peace with.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    ok i have an assignment that is due on 9-21-06 and i really need help on it. ok here goes, i need to make a model of a building any kind of building it doesnt have to be a certain building. ok but my problem is that i have no idea on what to make it out of. any materials can be used. im not really creative so i have no idea on what to make the building out of. so can anyone please help me out here??? thnx

    The Answer
    I have some favorite materials for making models, some of which you might have heard of, and some you might not have. All of these are avliable either at a good art supply store or a model supply store:

    Foamcore (Thick and strong, but a bugger to cut and messure)
    Posterboard (this is a much more rigid sort of bristol board and my favorite thing for making buildings with)
    Vellum (a kind of semi-see through paper, great for windows and cheep)
    Balsa Wood (It's a really light, sometimes thin wood. If it's thin you can cut it with a knife, but it takes stain like normal wood, very nice. Good for furnature too.)
    Scuply! (Comes in great colours, can even look like grantite or marble, just look for tutorials online.)

    Have fun babe! I sooo love model making.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Okay, my boyfriend and I have been trying to have a baby, it's been hard but here's a few questions.
    1) how long do I have to wait & pee after he cumz inside me?

    2) Sometimes after we have sex i feel his cum is coming it why?

    The Answer
    You should always go pee shortly after sex. Lying still for a few minutes after he has cum inside you is fine, but you should ALWAYS go the bathroom and go pee, or at least wash yourself off a bit shortly after sex. It helps fight infection.

    I have no idea what your second question is trying to say. Is his sperm leaking out? Well sure, some of it is bound too. Don't worry about it.

    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Ok my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and it’s really hard sometimes, we get to see each other 1 time a month and I am pregnant with his kid. And he Never I mean Never believes me about anything!!! I have a friend that is 15 and I am 18 and she thinks she pregnant and her mom knows her password and everything so I let her use my name! And my boyfriend thinks it’s me! Me 15 haha and I am already pregnant. So for a few days he got really pissed at me! And wouldn’t tell me why! And I found out its cause of my friends question she posted! He checks my email and everything! I know his email but I trust him and I ask him stuff before I get pissed over it!! What should I do! I don’t need to be depressed I am pregnant and there is no way I can just leave him, please tell me what I should do!!

    The Answer
    Talk to him.

    Reality Check: It was a simple misunderstanding, not worth getting depressed over or getting pissed over, and certainly not worth ending the whole relationship over! All it should be worth is a healthy laugh!

    Stop blowing this up in your own mind. Explain to him calmly and cooly what had happened. Unless he is a complete fool, he will see the truth in what you say, but if he can't even trust you that far, he has problems beyond confused e-mails...
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    i've never had sex... so i don't know why i'm freaking out. but i'm fifteen and terrified that some random sperm may have seeped into me or something, though that's not very likely, i'm just PARANOID. plus, i had a cold, and now my body aches and im freezing, but i think i just have a virus. i'm just scared because i didn't get my period this month. and as nasty as it sounds, i'm sure my brother is having sex with his girlfriend, and i masturbate with my hands, so. terrified. i've been having my period for a little over two years, and it's not really regular. i miss a month sometimes, or for instance it will come on the 22nd of june, skip a month, come on the 5th of july, come the 19th of august. who knows. but i'm totally freaking out. sorry, sorry, sorry for seeming so immature. but mostly i need reassurance that this isn't possible... i haven't been throwing up or anything. just. ugh. help?

    The Answer
    You haven't had sex: You are not pregnant.

    You know that. You don't need any of us to tell you that.

    You might want to talk to a counselor about all this free-floating anxiety though. It's okay to be stressed, but when your stress morphs into pointless and ridiculous paranoia, it's time to ask for some help.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question

    i have a friend who thinks everyone is fat. the girls she thinks are fat i dont think are fat at all. i think they are beautiful girls. their bodies arent perfect ... but whatever i dont think theres much of a difference between a size 3 and a size 8. i told her some people have more muscle and others are just skinnier. if someone has a pretty flat stomach but has little lovehandles and are liek a size 3 she thinks thats fat. i dont even wanna know what she thinks about me. i have bigger legs but they are mostly muscle. my stomach isnt flat but its definately not fat either. im pretty comfortable with how i look, but it bothers me how shes so negative about everyones bodies. what exactly IS considered fat?

    The Answer
    I don't know quite what is considered fat. I've always been of the mind that 'fat' is when your weight starts to negatively affect your life, your movement, and your health.

    I do have a pretty good idea of what the words 'judgmental' and 'bitch' mean though.

    I'm sorry, I recognize she is your friend and listening to a friend's opinion is one thing, but listening to them rip into other people for sport is another thing completely.

    If your friend is enjoying insulting other people because of their weight, you have no reason to listen to it. Not just because you disagree with her, but because even if you did agree with her, it is an unnecessarily cruel thing to discuss. Ask her to stop. If she wont, remove yourself from the conversation.

    Don't ever let her be the little voice that tells you you are not good enough and don't promote her being that voice for anyone else either.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm Thai. 24. male. I guess I might have a big problem with my friend. My friend is a lesbian who has been with her girlfriend for few years. However, she asked me to meet her tow days ago for drinking because she wanted to talk to me about her relationship with her girlfriend. She also came with her new girlfriend (as she told me). She has been trying to break up with her (ex)girlfriend, but she never gets it done because her (ex)girlfriend committed suicide (luckily, she is still alive).
    It is unfair to myfriend's girlfriend for what ever myfriend doing right now. I really wanted to help her. Then I made a call last night just to encourage her to enjoy her self without worrying about myfriend. She asked me about my friend and who my friend went with. I have no choice , but to tell her the truth. Bang! They had a big argument which I even can hear while on the line. I don't know how it ended.
    It might sound selfish If I say I want to help and be with her after they break up. If my friend can't be such a nice person to her, I can do a better job. However, at any rate, I didn't mean to be in between them or make them get break up this way. I just want to make this girl feel better. Anyway, my question are:

    1. I don't know should I call her again? or even ask my friend for matters last night? or just slip off from them?

    2. If I call her again, what should I talk to her about? I don't want her to think like I make things worse for them.

    Thanks a lot for your helps.

    The Answer
    Leave them both alone, at least for a little while.

    Despite your best intentions to help them out, what you did was meddle and bring angst. Sure the angst was just waiting there to come out, but you triggered it, and it's more then likely both of them are rather angry with you.

    Beyond that, if you have such a desire to date this girl, it seems pretty obvious to me dear that your intentions weren't completely pure when you shared what you knew. The proper response was not to tell everything you knew, the proper response would have been to encourage her to discuss her fears and suspicions with her girlfriend. It doesn't just sound selfish dear, it *is* selfish to want to put the moves on someone whose relationship you just shoved unfairly into turmoil!

    And what you did was unfair. Yes, what your friend was doing to her girlfriend was grossly wrong, but it wasn't your place to correct her or reveal her. You choose to put yourself in-between them and you caused trouble deliberately. The best thing you can do now is pull back from that, give them both space to deal with their relationship, or at least the end of it.

    Yes, what her ex-girlfriend is going through is likely very painful right now, but it isn't your place to hold her hand through it. If you are truly interested in her, give it some time. Days, maybe even weeks, for the dust to settle, and then try calling back with an apology and a few gentle questions about where things stand now.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    my dad told me i have to get a job before i can get my license and a car. but the problem is i dont want a job and here lately he has been takin me to look at cars. i always try to tell him i dont want a job and hes like well i guess you wont be driving. but i dont understand WHY he wants me to get one, hes always tellin me about how if i want to go to my dream college (texas), well ANY college, then i have to get a scholarship. how in the world does he expect me to get one if im always going to be working? i play softball so of course i would have to probably quit just so i would have time to do my school work. i mean i have explained this stuff to him and he doesnt get it! i get out of school at 212 and practice starts at 230, and i dont get home til about 5, and i barely have time to finish my homework now!! and the last thing i wanna do is give up softball, but i want to drive WITHOUT a job!! can someone give me ideas on how to convince him??

    The Answer
    They aren't the ones who need convincing dear. You are the one who doesn't seem to get it.

    Driving costs a lot of money (actually it costs between $2 and $4 per mile you drive, drive five miles to your friend's and back, suddenly you are out $30, not exactly chump change) Of course your father expects you to contribute towards that cost.

    But balancing work, school and sports is not impossible. Difficult, sure, but never impossible, I am living proof! Not only did I work through high school. I played soccer, owned a horse, graduated with an A+ average and two scholarships.

    I'm not particularly smart, I did that because I wanted to do it and I worked at balancing all those things. I got home from work or practice and did homework instead of watching the TV. Honestly, what are you doing between 5 pm and 9 or 10 when you got to bed? Cause if I wanted to drive a car, play a sport and earn a scholarship I wouldn't be letting that time go to waste.

    And it doesn't stop at high school. I'm in university now and I have already worked 4 hours today, gone to class for 3 hours and am headed out to work 3 more hours tonight. I don't have a day off until the 18th, but in that time I will find time to grocery shop, do my laundry, clean my apartment and see my boyfriend and friends.

    I will do it, because that is what I want, and because I willing to work for what I want. You might not want to work as hard as I have. Honestly I hope you never have to! But you do have to work, make compromises and sacrifices in order to get what you want. Your dad's expectation of your getting a job in order to have a car is very reasonable and it's just up to you to decide if that works for you or not. If it doesn’t = no car. Just like if I don't work = no groceries.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    If I shower with my straightner in the bathroom, when I get out of the shower, the straightner is all wet, because of the moisture. Is this bad for my striaghtner?

    The Answer
    Well it certainly isn't good. By and large, getting water on any piece of electrical equipment isn't great for it's wiring. It won't cause your straighter to explode, but it will probably take some years off of its life. To keep it functioning well, longer, leave it in a dry place, or at least under a towel or something when you shower.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm confused. 15/f

    My ex girlfriend is flirting with me [she has a boyfriend though] and she keeps saying she wants to kiss me. Knowing her... she would. But she told me she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea. Then she goes on about having dreams about me and missing me, missing the things we did. and then there's things about "If only I didn't mess up" [when she broke up with me] "I will always have a thing for you" "Can i steal a kiss?" A part of me wants to kiss her but I can't because I refuse to do that when she has a boyfriend.. I dont know what to do. She says she doesn't want to lead me on but she's already doing that. What can I do? Just ignore the things she says?

    The Answer
    Don't ignore her. If you do, her advances will probably only get worse. For some reason she wants your attention desperately.

    It sounds like you are intelligent enough to realize how unfair and distasteful what she is doing is. Her behavior isn't the behavior of a kind or righteous person; it's the behavior of a selfish brat.

    If you want to be with her, tell her straight up "I would love to go back out with you, but I wont do a single thing with you as long as you have a boyfriend. As long as you are still in a relationship, stop teasing me." And then don't do ANYTHING, not even hold her hand, unless she is single. If she won't lay off teasing you (no matter what she is saying she is definitely teasing you) then you might need to get some space from her.

    It's fine for her to be confused, to want both you in her boyfriend, but it's not fine for her to put you through hell because of it. Tell her to straighten up or leave you alone.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    So I have liked this girl pretty much all of my life. I have been talking to her every once in a while trying to build courage and so I finally attempt to call her and tell her how I feel about her. I had to text her first to make sure it was alright to call. She said she was about to eat dinner with the family so she'd tell me when it was alright. She can't talk past a certain time and she texted me after that time and said that she couldn't talk now because it was past the time and wanted me to text what I wanted to say instead.

    I'm pretty sure she knows what I'm trying to tell her since someone pretty much told her I liked her. So I said I rather call her instead and asked if i could call tommorrow. She said she didn't know what she'd be doing tommorrow but I could try and then said "sorry". I asked if she could tell me when she was free then and she said "i'll try". Recently she has gotten involved in sort of a long distance relationship.

    Should I take this as a polite "I don't want to talk to you?", a "I'm kind of nervous about this" or what?

    The Answer
    She is certainly nervous.
    Whether she is nervous because she wants to reject you, or if she is just generally nervous when a guy shows interest in her is something we can't be sure of, you'll have to trust your own gut on that one.

    What I can be sure of though is that it is awfully impolite to ask a person out when you already know that person is in a relationship, even if it is just a 'sort of a long distance' thing.

    Always find out if the person you are trying to pursue is taken or not before you try and make your move! If you don't know for sure, ask them straight up, because that is less embarrassing and less painful for the object of your affection then putting them in the awkward position of turning you down because they are taken.

    Chill out and find out for sure what her relationship status is. If she is taken, be gentlemen and back off. If she isn't, give it a few more gentle prods or take the plunge and just ask her out. If she doesn't seem any more receptive, back off.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    what does it mean if you are giving head and it takes like less than 2 minutes to cum?

    The Answer
    Ask him what he thinks it means and if he found it satisfying.

    Or just accept that he was really enjoying himself and be pleased with your efforts.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question

    I feel like a total dim whit asking this but.
    What is the diffrence between oral and vaginal sex??? thanks

    The Answer
    Not a stupid question at all. It's shocking how many people, even at your age, have no clue what these words mean, and no interest in learning.

    Oral sex is the sexual stimulation of the genitals (male or female) with the mouth.

    Vaginal sex is just the standard sexual intercourse between a man and women, penis in the vagina.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    okay im going out with this guy names josh. well he's went to rehab and everything and is all cleaned up from smoking weed. well recently he started smoking again. and he gets drug tests every wednesday. and he said hes gonna have his brother pee in the cup for him. but if he gets caught i dont want him to go back to rehab or get locked up again. i made him promise me that he wouldnt smoke again but then he smoked yesterday and i found out about it. he says hes been trying but its rly hard to say no cause its around him all the time with his friends. everytime i call him and he doesnt answer i know hes smoking and i just get so mad. i know its mostly his friend scotts fault. scott is always smoking no matter what time it is or anything. and i know scott is pressuring josh. when im with josh he says that he doesnt feel the need to smoke. and i want to help him. i already told him that whenever he feels the need just to come see me but he never does. i dont know what to do. i know schools coming up in a couple days. and it will be easier to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt smoke. i really care for him and i dont want him to go back to rehab.. what should i do?

    The Answer
    You should do nothing, except think about whether you want to still be with this guy or not.

    You can't make him stop. You've done your very best to try and help him, you've been there for him in everyway, but you can make him accept your help. At some point you'll just have to accept that he isn't that serious about quitting. He is choosing to continue smoking; he is choosing the run the risk of going back to rehab. His friends being smokers is a really lame excuse. They don't control him anymore then you do. He is choosing the pot.

    Of course you don't want him to go back to rehab! You care about him! You want the best for him! That's understandable and good of you, but he doesn't seem to want the best for himself, so your hands are tied.

    Love him all you can, stalk his every moment in school to keep him safe if you really want too, but he will smoke anyways. He has made it pretty clear that he has no interest in changing his lifestyle, even if it means going back to rehab, even if it means hurting your relationship. If he decides to change, he might change, but until he makes that choice, nothing you do will have any effect.
    (View All Other Answers.)

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