Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    alright i probably know what your going to say but i'm asking anyways. Me and my boy friend ahv bin having sex without condoms for about 8 months now, but i'm on bith control, is it still a bad idea to continue with this.

    The Answer
    Sex is risky, it just is, but if you are using birth control properly then maybe you've just decided that that tiny risk of pregnancy and risk of STD's are acceptable risks to take.

    If that is your choice that is absolutely fine. Great even! You know what the problems could be and you could use condoms to reduce the risk even further, but you don't have too.

    Basically, if you know what you are doing and are happy with the situation, then it's a fine arrangement. If you are feeling nervous and want more protection, then you need to change.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    They are librarians at my school who are discriminating to me they think that I am some kind of spy that just comes to make trouble. I am black yes I'm black I only come to library when there is i,portant work to be done. They will harass me accuse me of stealing my own ID card, and the fact that they think just because I come during study hall I am ditching a class. Should I report to the NAACP or what. What did I do wrong. Its hard just to take that especially when they are just old librarians. Its so heartbreaking. What should I do

    The Answer
    If you think they are actually being racist report them to principal first and foremost.

    But honestly, they probably aren't being racist, just hardasses who have labeled you as a troublemaker. Did you do something get this label? Are they just nuts? Or is there maybe something in the way you speak to these 'just old librarians' that might be a bit disrespectful? Quite frankly, they might just not like you and they are allowed to not like you. Unless you can prove they have a pattern of abuse of people of a particular race or they have made openly racist comments you won’t be able to prove any sort of racial discrimination. Asking you if you are supposed to be in class and checking ID is pretty normal school employee behavior.

    If you go through life expecting to be discriminated against, you will find discrimination everywhere you look. If you go through life assuming the best in people, you will live a happier more peaceful life, and you will be much better equipped to deal with those who are actually discrimination against you.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    what age bra SHOULD you be wearing when your 13
    when your 14 and when your 15

    I am 28a anD I am 14 - under average help

    The Answer
    There is no standard for breast developement. Wear a bra that fits. Period.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My skin is really sensitive and the lace bra that i'm wearing isn't helping but it's the only one I have because bras these days were really expensive. I was going to try Wal Mart but I heard that they're really expensive. And for a teen my breast size is smaller than the average so bra sizes for me are hard to find.

    The Answer
    Have you ever tried H and M? One recently moved into my town and I've fallen in love with thier underwear. Thier bras only run between 16 and 25 dollars (Canadian) and I've been really happy with them.

    Check it out: http://www.hm.com/ca/
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Yesterday I asked a question about my boyfriend being too friendly with a female. I got mad at him and he went into a depression and said I am doing it to him. Later he got offended and depressed again when I let him know about the responses I got from this site that were beneficial to me,is he feeling guilty about his behavior, are my suspicions of his impending cheating true?Usually he is very upbeat. I think He is way too sensitive about the subject.

    The Answer
    No one ever, and I mean EVER, causes depression in another person. That statement smacks of something a guy would say to control you and make you feel guilty, when in fact, it is him who has messed up.

    I can't see your question from yesterday, perhaps you've deleted it, so I don't want to weigh in on who is over reacting. However, you have been asking a quite a few questions lately about your boyfriend's inapropraite way of viewing and ineracting with women, maybe it is time for you to start asking "Is he really worth it?"
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    If a guy doesn't come in you, is it considered sex?

    The Answer
    Yes.

    sexual intercourse
    Function: noun
    1 : heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis.

    2006 Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Good arguments that atheists might use against religious people, usually Christians? I deal with a lot of rather annoying fundamentalists.

    (And if you are going to answer this by telling me how I need to let "god's love into my heart", then please press the back button on your browser now. There's a pretty good chance you sicken me."

    The Answer
    I asked a very simlilar question a long time ago and when I started to answer you question I found myself parapharsing a lot of what I learned then. So if you can forgive me, I'm just going to link you to that question since I know I can't put it as well as it already has been by Saint_Gasoline and TheOldOne:

    http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=363056
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    hey I'm 15 and there's thsi really good product that get rid of hairs PERMANATELY! Great huh? Well people concider 15 years of age is young so should I use it? Because I'm not sure if young people should use it but what's the harm of getting rid of unwanted hair sooner?

    http://www.nevershaveagain.com/default.aspx?source=overture&word=lhr23

    The Answer
    You should not use it because it is a scam.

    Home electrolysis kits DO NOT WORK. In order to remove hair with radio waves a needle must be inserted into the skin and be right against the hair follicle. That must be done by a professional and tweezers can not manage it, they can’t damage the hair folicile because they are to far way from it. This product will take ages to use, cost a small fortune and the hair will grow right back.

    Check out these people's stories dear and don't believe everything you read online: http://www.hairtell.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/17714/an/0/page/0

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My friends have told me that you don't need to study for driver's ed..that it's all common sense and just plain easy.

    Should I take their advice and not study? I've asked friends from other states and schools and they've all said that studying is pointless, but no one I know has had my driver's ed teacher before.

    The Answer
    Yes, it is mostly common sense.

    I know a good number of people pass without studying, but really, studying for it takes less then an hour. There really isn't that much information, just a few details to remember ("How far back from a loading or unloading school bus do you stop?" for instance) and isn't that time worth it to be sure you wont have to take it again?

    Just read over your notes and then relax. It doesn't really matter who your teacher is, the tests don't leave any room for teacher interpretation or for the teacher to make it harder, the questions are typically just fill in the blank and multiple choice. You’ll be fine.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    so this guy crashed my bat mitzvah and he thinks i wanted him there (thats why he came). We dated about 8 months ago. He told me multiple times throughout the past month that he really likes me, but he leaves my bff comments on her myspace telling her thats shes pretty, smart, blah, blah, blah. My bat mitzvah was last weekend and he showed up and it was a black tie affair and stuff. Security took him out and he when he got home he started posting myspace bulletins about me saying i was a whore and stuff like that. he says that if anyone owes an apology, i owe him one for the security. About 5 hours before my bat mitzvah service (before the party) he promised me that he wouldnt crash it. As you can see, he lied. Its been about a week since it happened but im still mad at him for what he did. Hes always trying to talk to me or kiss me to "try and make up for what he did wrong." What should I do? at school we all have advisors (theyre actually teachers but theyre assigned to four students and we all meet every week). i told my advisor about the incident and she is not only my advisor, she's HIS teacher. the school knows about what happened and everything and theyve talked to him. He still doesnt think he did anything wrong and he wants me to have a relationship with him... I like someone else, but hes insisted that i Cant like the someone else. hes a freshman in high school and im in 8th grade. were both 14, but im older than him. my myspace is www.myspace.com/party so if u could help me out either there or on advicenators, that would be amazing ♥ and do you think i should forgive him?

    The Answer
    No, you should absolutly not forgive him and don't you dare feel guilty about it. This guy is is not in touch with reality and has crossed the line: He is now stalking you.

    I'm so happy to know you advisor is aware of this and your school is taking it seriously. The very best thing you can do now is keep them informed of the things he is saying and doing, but at the same time do everything in your power to avoid him, in person and online. Ignore any posts or e-mails he might make. Do your best to act like he does not exist. You do not have to polite to stalkers.

    This guy just does not get it, and he wont get it, no matter how much you tell him. So protect yourself and keep as much distance from him as you can.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ok me and my girl have been together for 4 months and 28 days and we are GREAT everything is great and we are really comfortable and well her dad is a peer prick i absolutly cant stand him. He used to beat her and stuff but now he will scream at her for nothin, And he thinks she spends to much time with me and we only get to actually spend time with each other one time a week and her dad dont trust us enough to even let us set in the car together at a store so that kinda shows how much he likes me. He also said that if her grades dont come up then she cant see me ATT ALL and i dont think eather one of us can handle that. Does anyone know what i can do to get him to leave her alone?......

    The Answer
    You can't get him to leave her alone.

    You are her teenage boyfriend; their relationship is totally out of your control and none of your business beyond listening to her vent.

    If he is abusive towards her, encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone who can get the authorities involved. That is the very best thing you can do to help.

    Not allowing a teen to socialize, with a boyfriend or with friends, because of poor grades is a perfectly valid punishment in my opinion. If her father’s standards are unrealistic, then that is something she will need to work out with him, not something you can affect at all.

    So in short: If he is abusive, encourage her to get help. Otherwise, be a shoulder for her to cry on and someone for her to vent to. This is her relationship with her father; they are the only two people who can fix it. You can’t meddle without causing even more trouble, so don’t try. Just listen, advise and maybe help her study.
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    The Question
    I have been throwing up for a very long time....it feels like in between where my ribs meet is swollen and my tummy also gets very bloated? could soemthign be wrong with me? im very scared

    The Answer
    If you have bulimia, then yes, there is most certainly something wrong with you: You have bulimia, and you need to see a doctor right away.

    Swelling like you are describing might just be your body's response to be so poorly nurished but it could also be the symptom of a serious infection in your espogous, stomach or intestines. You abosoltely must have a doctor look into it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    what does bulimia do to your body? and what effects does it have to people in the long run?

    The Answer
    Over the short term bulimia will cause irritation and inflammation in the throat, mouth and gums, after a few months being bulimic, your teeth begin to rot from the stomach acid flowing pas them. A person might also developer gum disease and swelling in your cheeks from that acid. Vomiting too often and violently can also rupture the esophagus.

    As for the long term effects of bulimia, I'll just list a few of 'em to keep it short: Malnutrition (obviously), dehydration, dry skin, weak nails, hair loss, high blood pressure, iron deficiency and cancer of the throat or voice box. There are also numerous diseases you can develop in your intestines and kidneys and bulimia makes pregnancy more risky for women.

    That is a quick summary of the wonderful effects of this eating disorder. If you or someone you know is suffering from it, tell an adult and tell them quickly. Bulimia can kill, no matter how little it’s being done.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have been taking accutance for 6 years now...is it possible that i could have drug inducced lupus?

    The Answer
    Accutane has been connected to lupus and there are several court cases pending agianst the company that makes Accutane. However there is no medical proof or studies to determain if Accutane actually causes lupus.

    Talk to a doctor if something is wrong.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i have been feeling very fluish and had some mono symtoms and i am very tierd to...i got tested for mono twice and both have come back negative...is it possible that i have it still and its not showing up? could it perhaps be lupus?

    The Answer
    The typical ‘mono test’ is reasonably reliable, and in fact, the exact same test would be positive if you had lupus, although it isn't used to diagnose lupus. So if you didn't test positive for mono, then you probably don't have lupus either.

    If your symptoms for mono have persisted for over a month, then you might still have mono, but a negative test results. If the symptoms have not persisted that long, then the test is probably accurate and you don’t have mono.

    Take your doctor's advice on this one and don't try and self-diagnose. If you are unhappy with one doctor's handling of your case, find another, but rely on someone with real knowledge, not strangers online.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    call me a horrible mother a lready- i feel like one. but i havent been taking my prenatal vitamins. i starte dtaking them when i was a few months along, but just stopped. i honestly dont know why. but im almost 8 months along now, and i know its a little late, but i have been sooo stressed out thinking something's going to be wrong with my baby becuase i havent been taking the vitamins. someone please help me,

    The Answer
    Women had healthy happy babies for centuries before the invention of pre-natal vitamins. So don't get so down on yourself. Talk to a doctor if you are concerned about anything and ask for their guidance on what you should be taking at this point if you wanted to know.

    My mother didn't take pre-natal vitamins at all, and all eight (yes, eight) of her children were born healthy.

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    The Question
    My boyfriend is 42 and I am 29. We have a great relationship except for the fact that he is into alot of porn and recently i looked at his computer and he was on a website called hornymatches.He put in his profie that he is looking for casual sex. i was shocked he has a lot of female friends and he feels like the sex on the net is an escape. he said he would give it up but i have set up spyware on his computer and he is still checking those sites, little does he know i have changed his profile to say that he is gay!!! ha ha i am a very attractive woman and he is older, do you think he will cheat eventually? i guess looks arent everything, he assures me he will never cheat and i am going out of my mind and doing alot of investigating and worrying. HELP

    The Answer
    He was looking for casual sex online. That means he was preparing to cheat.

    Talk to him again and discuss your fears. Ask him very pointed questions like "Why did you think it was okay to look for sex partners online?" and listen closely to his response. If he thought cheating was okay then, he probably still thinks its okay, despite his promises. He’ll just try harder not to get caught.

    You should not have to do a lot of investigating or worrying. First off, invading his privacy is not right, and secondly you should either be able to trust him, or not be with him. If he can’t put your fears to rest, suggest counseling. It doesn’t need to be a permanent thing, just a few sessions where the counselor helps the two of communicate and understand each other.

    Porn online is fine and harmless, however soliciting sex online is definitely not okay. No one posts an ad like that without hoping follow through on it. So unless something has changed, he will cheat, no matter how much worrying or investigating you do.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm engaged and my wife to be is still friends with her ex-boyfriend. She even expects me to have dinner with them both if we move to the same city. He still wants to be with her, and she says that I don't understand that it is the mature thing to do. I think it is pretty straightforward: we should stay away from exes. No talking, no dinner. Am I crazy?

    The Answer
    Crazy? No. But you aren't right either.

    You need to give your fiancé a chance. This really isn't about the guy at all, this is about your fiancé and what she wants and believes.

    There is no rule that says you must never speak to your exes again. In fact, common sense says that if you are able to maintain an enjoyable friendship with them you have no reason not too. Your fiancé clearly believes she can have a civil friendship with her ex and you have no right what so ever to tell her that she can't. You might believe this will cause trouble, but your wife does not share that belief, and you can't make her share it.

    Refusing to meet this guy, or being an ass when you do, will only make you look like a possessive jerk and take any credibility your opinions about him might have.

    Your fiancé thinks that this will be okay. She would enjoy a plutonic relationship with this man. If you have reason not to trust her on this, you probably shouldn’t be getting married.

    Do yourself a favor: assume the best in people, not the worst. Trust your fiancé to tell you if there is a problem and have a friendly dinner with him.

    This really isn’t about being married dear; this is simply about trusting the person you are with and not being unnecessarily judgmental. This ex deserves the benefit of the doubt and your fiancé deserves your trust and support.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hi. I'm Thai. male. Let's go straight to the point.
    I've known this girl for about a year since we first met. She's good looking. lots of guy are trying to chat her up as well. I can tell that this girl is somewhat flirtatious, but I really like her, anyway. We were in good relationship for a while as she called me and went out with me a lot. Then four months ago, she became very different. She didn't pick my call anymore (sometime she cut the line). She completely ignored me. Her reason was because I lie to her (I did not, honestly). Let me tell you a story. I was about to pick her up to her house. My car ran out of battery, so I couldn't get her on time. that was when she started to ignore me. she beleived that I lie to her for some reasons. Then We lost contact for about three months.
    I started to call her again. She told me she doesn't have boyfreind yet. we went out for dinner yesterday with one of her freind. Things seemed to be OK. Today she give me a call. Surprise!
    I wonder what's happening now? Is everything getting better again or just flirting over and over? I'm kind of lost. I don't know where I am. what's she thinking?
    Just additional info. We barely went out only 2 of us. She always brings her freind with when we went out. Dosen't sound good to me.
    ANyway, any suggestions are apprecitaed.

    The Answer
    My best advice to you is that if you are looking for a serious relationship, look elsewhere.

    I can't tell you exactly what is going through her mind, but I hope you can tell that her expectations and your own aren't quite lining up. This idea she had that you lied to her is the largest and most glaring problem, especially since she responded to that by shutting you out for months. If you think that was bad, imagine how she would have chosen to 'punish' you for this perceived transgression if you had been dating.

    Her bringing her friend is certainly not good; it means you two weren't being honest with each other about the nature of your relationship and what you wanted and that she wasn't taking it seriously.

    But do yourself a favor and stop worrying so much about what she is thinking or feelings. She sounds like a rather confused soul, as quick to flirt as she is to judge. (Maybe even more then a bit of a drama queen?) Instead, think about what it is you want. If you actually want to pursue something with this girl, make that very clear to her. Don't give her any room to weasel around the issue or lead you on.
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    The Question
    Alright. My boyfriend and I have thought a LOT about having sex with each other. I really want to and I'm ready but I'm only 15, and if I explained to my folks that I need birth control, they'd kill me. I know I'm ready because we've been dating for quite sometime, and I'm very in love with him and I want him to be my first. We've planned to stay together for a while and I'm not one of those girls who just blabber on and on about how I love this person so so so much. I take things seriously and I don't say I love you every 5 minutes because it's something very special to say. Not only do you have a healthy, good physical relationship with each other, we've got an amazing emotional one too. We're so open with each other, it throws me off guard sometimes. He's my best friend in the whole wide world and we even broke up with each other a few months ago but we never stopped talking like we do now and we didn't stop seeing other. He's amazing, I love him, and we can't ever get enough of each other. At school, we're together, and then after school we're on the phone until bedtime. Then on weekends we're together. Theres always things to talk about when we're together and theres always things to do. We get along amazingly and we have a really strong connection. Hes so practical and logical too. He's very smart with his decisions and he's helped me along so well. I've had a lot happen to me the past few years and I went off track but now my life is great and things are going smoothly. See now I want to have sex with him, and I already think my parents suspect that we fool around. Would fooling around be considered sexually active? Do I sound ready for sex? Someone please help me, I've talked to him about this as well and he doesn't know what to do. We need some clearing up!!

    The Answer
    Fooling around, if it involves the genital area in anyway, would be considered sexual activity.

    Yes, you sound ready for sex. HOWEVER, sounding ready for sex and being ready for sex are completely different things! Any reasonably intelligent young lady, which you clearly are, can pick up the right kind of words to 'sound' like she is ready. That does not make her ready.

    I would never encourage someone at 15 to have sex, no matter how perfect and mature their relationship might be. Sex is a complication, and at your age, it is a completely needless one.

    There are a few practical matters here to address: if your parents aren't comfortable with you having sex, or even more seriously, of you are not comfortable talking to them about your sexual choices, then you probably shouldn't be having sex.

    It also concerns me, that despite you and boyfriend’s maturity, that nowhere in this question do you mention which or how you will be acquiring birth control.

    It’s great that you love your boyfriend. It’s great that you are both so serious and it’s wonderful that you are enjoying ‘fooling around’, but none of that means that you now must have sex. Sex is not the thing to do just because you feel like you’ve done everything else. In fact, that is the worst reason to have sex.

    I know in the end you will do whatever you want to, but you asked for advice, so here is mine: There is no reason not to wait. You plan on standing by this guy so the time will come, just give it a year or two and enjoy the place the relationship is in now. Sex wont make your relationship ‘better’ or ‘deeper’, but it will complicate things and introduce new risks and challenges.
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