Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    sometimes classified as a psychedelic or a hallucinogen?I've never heard of anyone experiencing hallucinogenic effects because of it,so what's the logic behind this?

    The Answer
    I’ve heard Cannabis called a mild hallucinogen before, but I’m not sure that is technically accurate. What Canabis certainly is a psychoactive drug or psychotropic drug, which means it acts primarily on the central nervous system and alters brain function, changes perception, consciousness, behavior and mood.

    A hallucination is a sensory perception experienced in the absence or inspite of external stimulus, and an illusion is a misperception or misinterpretation of existing stimulus. I would think what cannabis causes would mostly be classified as illusions, not hallucinations.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I just bought Summer's Eve (sensitive skin) feminine wash. I was just wondering if this may cause a vaginal yeast infection?

    The Answer
    Unless a gynecologist has suggested to you that you use that product, I certainly wouldn’t use it. The vagina is self-cleansing, that means unless you have some sort of health problem it will just take care of itself. Cleansing products can mess up the natural balance of mucus and bacteria that the vagina needs to stay healthy. That can cause things like yeast infections, or even make it smell worse as the body tries to fight off what it sees an invasion.
    Ask your gynecologist if you having some sort of problem. I wouldn’t recommend a product like that without a doctor’s approval.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Whats a new world order??

    The Answer
    This is the sort of thing wikipedia is perfect for.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_World_Order_(conspiracy)
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    After 3 years in a relationship (2 of these living together), my boyfriend and I (we are 21 y.o.) broke up on good terms. I initiated the break up. We had been best friends for over 5 years at the time of break up but we agreed the relationship was not working and we were better off just as friends again. He said he still loved me and that he couldn't live without me in his life. I felt the same and we said we would try our best to maintain a friendship. He had no other good friends and neither did I.

    For a couple of months we seemed to remain friends, but he became distant, making excuses not to see me and avoiding my calls, though denying he had found someone else (he is not the type to move on quickly, so I believe this is true). One day he said he was working, so I went to surprise him at work (some 30 minute drive out of town). He wasn't there and when I called him, he said he'd left already, but judging by the time of his txts to me, he must have lied about his whereabouts. I was angry and hurt, and decided to give him some space.

    This morning, around 3 weeks after the above, I rang him and got a very cold reception. I couldn't believe this was my former best friend talking. The conversation ended abruptly when he had to go as someone had arrived at his house (an excuse, perhaps).

    Here is where I need advice. I can accept losing him as a friend if that's what he wants, but I need closure from our relationship so that I can move on! But how do I get closure from someone who won't talk to me or see me? Is he likely to change his hostility toward me if I give him time?

    Any suggestions would be hugely appreciated :)

    The Answer
    In my experience 'closure' is a fancy way of saying "Hey! You owe me man!"

    Sadly dear, he doesn't owe you anything. It would be nice and mature and considerate of him to explain to you his resentment and be honest about his obvious desire to end the friendship, but he doesn't 'owe' you that. That would just make him a better person then he seems to want to be at the moment.

    Closure and distance from the relationship isn't going to happen when he explains his twisted thoughts to you. None of his explanations are going to help you, or make you feel better. In fact, they will make probably make you feel angry and even worse then you do now. You will only begin to feel better when you no longer care what his explanations are, so for your own sake dear, stop chasing him!

    Send him one more casual message and say you get the feeling he isn't interested in being friends anymore, and although you don't know what is wrong if he ever wants to renew your friendship he is welcome to call you.

    Then let it go. He has nothing left to offer you as a friend or as an ex but mental anguish. End this silly game so you can actually get down to the business of moving on.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    whats a fourm and how did i make one? i tryed lookng at help/faq but didnt see anything.

    The Answer
    Sizzlinmandolin has a very good instructions in there forum right here:

    http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutme.php?userboard_id=25421


    Also, I'd really suggest you change the rating you gave russianspy1234. You might not have understand the advice they gave you, but I think after you read Sizzlinmandolin post you will realize it was actually perfectly right.

    One ratings should only be given for advice that is abusive or insulting. Rating one for anything else could get you banned.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    This is for people who are mental health professionals: I just want to ask should a therapist bring in his skeptiscm when he/she is treating someone. I mean my female cousin was seeing a male therapist who (1)never listens; (2) was hard to open to due to the fact that he never helped solve the problems he just acted the way a friend would. For example: My cousin told her therapist that her boss told her not to do certain things on the job and my cousins male therapist said; why that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Another example: Her previous boss wanted his old secretary to come back because he missed her so he was very mean to my cousin. However, the male therapist did not help her deal with it instead he said (1) what an SOB or (2) he really hates you. What do you guys think of a therapist like this? PS: She didnt fall apart but she had to deal with any problems that arose in her life on her own she couldnt talk to him.

    The Answer
    To my knowledge they aren't any mental health professionals active on the site at the moment so I suppose I'll share my insights with you, as someone who has seen a good number of therapists in her life.

    I think some problems can't be solved, and sometimes the best thing anyone can do, including a therapist, is just commiserate with the person.

    Also, I imagine you weren't actually sitting in on these sessions, so you have no way of knowing if that was all that was actually said, or simply all that your cousin heard. If she dismissed possible solutions out of hand or simply refused to brainstorm solutions on her own, she might have come away feelings as though the therapist had done nothing but sympathize with her when they had in fact tried to do a great deal more and she hadn't been receptive.

    In the end though, if your cousin isn't comfortable with her therapist and isn't feeling supported, she should obviously look for another one. There are quite a few out there and sometimes it does simply come down to a personality clash. Most therapists, if you tell them it simply isnâ??t working for you, will gladly give you recommendations of others who they think you might jive with better.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have a question about seepage since me and my girlfriend are worried about her getting pregnant. At the point of orgasm I have a fetish in which I have my girlfriend spread her labia and I ejaculate right on her vaginal area. She says she can get pregnant this way, but I dont believe she can seeing as its not ejaculated inside her. How likely is it?

    The Answer
    It's quite likely. Sperm is quite tiny dear and can travel through any liquid. Chances are pretty good she aint bone dry when you ejaculate, even if she was, there would still be a damn good chance one of those buggers got inside of her, and inside of her sperm can last for days swimming around, searching for the big prize.

    You both might want to look into some form of birth control before engaging in that particular fantasy.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have known this guy for about 5 years, not too well though. Well about a month and a half ago we started having sex and hanging out. He's 21 and I am turning 18 in a week. It was supposed to be all fun and games but I started falling for him. Today we talked and he said he doesnt want to date me because I will be going to college soon and he doesnt want me to miss any experiences.... plus his schedule is hectic and its not fair to me. He said he likes me and we click though. What does all this mean and should I keep hanging out with him or having sex with him? I dont want to lose him. Should I keep trying to be with him? He means SO much to me.

    The Answer
    Honestly, it means he is bullshiting you and trying to let you down softly.

    People who really want to be in a relationship with someone don't worry about them missing out on experiences because they want to be with them. Affection is a bit selfish like that. Plus that he is really busy right and that just isn't fair to you right? Pah, nonsense and a silly excuse. I can work a 60 hour week and still find a scrape of time for the person I'm really into. He might really like you and you probably really do click but he just doesn't want a relationship, for whatever reason, maybe he just doesn't want to be with anyone right now. If he did want to be with you, he'd try and make it work.

    You can keep trying to be with him if you want, but he probably isn't going to make it easy, because he simply isn't dedicated to making any sort of relationship work. You'll end up frustrated and hurt, because you'll be working so hard for it, and he wont be.

    Stop listening to the kind things he says in effort to not hurt you and not make you angry and start paying attention to what he does. If he seems willing to make time for you, willing to put some effort into being with you, then maybe he will come around, but if he isn't willing to try then it doesn't matter how much he likes you, it aint going to happen.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Recently I've been feeling like something is just not right with me.I don't know exactly what it is,but I guess I sort of just feel like there's something weird going on.It's hard to explain.I feel like there's something wrong with my mind,but at the same time that just seems ridiculous and outrageous.I have a doctor's appointment coming up in a few days,so should I ask about it,or should I just let it slide?

    Also,is there like some type of test I can take online that will give me a reading of my mental health?I don't care if it's official or not...I know that these things can't take the place of an actual diagnosis.

    The Answer
    Online questionnaires about mental health are flat out ridiculous. Please don't rely on them or even seek them out, even if you realize they aren't a diagnosis. Don't let them put silly thoughts into your head. It's like asking a rodeo clown what faith you should follow. If they are right, it's nothing but pure dumb luck.

    By all means talk to your family doctor. They will have a much better idea of what sort of questions to ask you and are far more qualified then the majority of people who have put togeather online quizzes. Best of all, they actually know you.

    In my opinion the only real question you need to ask yourself if you are considering your mental health is "Are my thoughts and reactions to the world around me rational?"

    If you are scared of random things for no reason, if you are constantly upset or angry without a cause, if your mind carries you off on illogical tangents about people hating you, or everything going wrong, or aliens stealing your thoughts, then worry about your mental health.

    But if you think you are in touch with reality, then look to your diet, your sleeping patterns and your daily life for the reason you are feeling a bit off. It's much more likely you just aren't taking care of your body as well as you should be and your mind is showing the strain.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    How do you know if your question is deleted? Like in the edit answers section there'll be a sentence telling you that your answer is deleted but what about your question? questions can be deleted if it's stupid or someone already asked that but what if you don't think its stupid or that you didn't see anyone ask that question?

    The Answer
    That sentence you see by the edit is the reason your question was deleted, not the reason for the answers being deleted. Answers to deleted questions aren't deleted as well, they still show up in user's collumns.

    If individual answers are so bad they need to be deleted they just disappear and the columnist who wrote that praticular advice hears about it from a moderator.

    If you genuinely don't realize your question is a dumb one, then you have issues no amount of advice will help you with and you better look to them. We let a lot of 'stupid' questions on here, they have to pretty bad to warrant deletion.

    If you are repeating a question you can go here: http://www.advicenators.com/qsearch.php
    and search for questions like yours. Your question has likely already been asked and answered very well a hundred times.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i need help with my boyfriend. i'm sorry it's long but please read i need major help! he told me today that he's been thinkin a lot about our relationship and i don't know what to do. i guess you could say that he is a hypocritical person which isn't good =/ here's the deal: so whenever i hang out with my friends and there are guys there he gets like upset or jealous or whatever emotion he gets.. let's just say he doesn't like it, so i feel guilty for hanging out with them even thought i don't do anything! like he keeps saying that he doesn't trust the guys, but i can defend myself especially with my guys friends and plus they wouldn't try to do anything with me because they know i have a boyfriend(they're basically scared of him because he's strong haha) i've brought my boyfriend to my friends house with me in the past but it doesn't really work because he doesn't really like my friends.. but then he'll hang out with his one friend (whose a girl) and go to the mall with her & to her house and he doesn't think anything of it, if i was to do the same thing he'd probably get mad. i don't care because i know he won't do anything with her. also, this weekend he had a hockey game and his friend ryan's* girlfriend drove him there. ryan* was in the car also. i don't have a problem with this at all, i couldn't go because i was skiing this weekend... then i find out that ryan*'s cousin also went (who is a girl), i was looking at his myspace and saw that he messeged her (the cousin) saying something like; thanks for coming to my game and i had fun hanging out with you so thank you for that, but my boyfriend didn't tell me until i asked him about it, 3 days later & he said he didn't really have fun with them. yeah you're prob thinking 3 days later big deall, but if i don't tell him i'm with guys that day or earlier i'm screwed. so you see what situation i'm in? im sorry it's long but i could REALLY use any help!!! thank you.

    The Answer
    It seems like your gut is telling you this isn't working and that he is being unreasonable. You are young and have no reason to stick it out in a relationship where a guy is controlling and flakey. And he is being controlling! He knows exactly the effect his pointless anger and judgments are having on you. You are nervous and insecure for no reason and that isn’t right at all.

    You are willing to compromise, be reasonable and talk these issues out and well, he isn’t. Do you really want a relationship where you have to walk on eggshells around your boyfriend?

    Sounds to me dear, like you just plain aren’t happy with the hypocrite. I wouldn’t be either.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I live in New Jersey. With a Provisional License at age 17, am I able to drive out of state (particularly into NY) legally?

    Some people tell me they can, and some they cant. What do you guys know?

    Thanks, Adam.

    The Answer
    This site, http://www.nydmv.state.ny.us/license.htm, the State Of New York's DMV offical site.

    Scroll down and read:
    Learner Permits and Junior Licenses From Another State

    You are allowed to drive, but there are many, many restrictions on where and when you are allowed to drive. For instance, you are not allowed to drive between 9PM and 5AM. Make sure you know the rules.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm a female teenager and I had sex for my first time yesterday and down there is in a little bit of pain, is that normal?

    The Answer
    A little bit of soreness or discomfort isn't unusual, but if the pain persists or anything else seems wrong, go see a doctor.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i hooked up with this guy on sunday like four or five times. since we didn't have school yesterday, I didn't see him until today. the horrible thing is, we didn't even talk, look at eachother, or even ackknowledge eachother! it was so awkward and I felt really really bad. maybe he just used me to hook up with him. i dont know. i really want to talk to him though. should i comfront him or wait for him to comfront me? what should i say? i have no clue since this is the first time it has happened to me. this day has been so bad because of it.

    The Answer
    Start with 'Hi'.

    Seriously. Awkwardness only gets more awkward until someone refuses to let it keep growing.

    Do yourself a favor and decide that first thing you do when you see him tomorrow is say "Hey you!" in a friendly, clear voice, then don't worry about this anymore this evening. You can't possibly know what he might be thinking. He could be desperately in love with you and just too shy to say anything or he could be ashamed, or he could have just been using you. Right now nothing you worry about is going to bring you any closer to the truth, so let it go.

    See where it goes from hello. If nothing else, it will let him know that no matter what he is thinking, you are a confident and secure female. Even if you never speak of it agian. You will have proven to him, and everyone else, that you are prefectly cool with everything.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    so i was told its not a good idea to PLAN to get/use the morning after pill. why is this? my boyfriend and i are both virgins and it was a mutual decision that we wanted 2 forms of protection.. a condom and a pill.. or else no sex would be performed. however i have no way of getting birth control [my mom wont let me be put on it bc she thinks when i do ill jus be havin sex all the time ((talking to her does nothing trust me ive tried)), and wont take me to a gyno ((honestly im not too fond of the idea of going either lol!))] so the morning after pill would be my only other option. what would it hurt to use it? and do you really have to be 18 to get it at like walmart or wherever? i looked it up but got different confusing answers.

    also if i were to get birth control from like a planned parenthood or whatever.. say if i used it for a month, had sex, then didnt use it again, would i still be protected? cuz they only give you enough for one month right?

    sry i know its alot. 16 female.

    The Answer
    When the FDA approved Plan B for over the counter in 2006, they only approved it for women 18 and over. Unless that has changed, and Iâ??m rather sure it hasnâ??t, you arenâ??t able to get it without a prescription.

    But there are really a whole slew of reasons not too use it the way you were planning too:

    1.) They are expensive. $30 to $50 each time. If you have that kind of money you are far wealthier teen then I ever was.

    2.) They aren't designed to be used as a normal contraceptive. They are designed for "Oh my god! We were using protection but there was an accident so let's cover our bases just in case." They are for emergency use only, and aren't reliable as a regular contraceptive.

    3.)This is the big reason though: Plan B SHOULD NEVER BE USED MORE THEN ONCE A MONTH, and they shouldn't even be used that often. The pharmacist will ask you if you have used it before and when. Using it too often could seriously harm you. Using it even a few times a year, could cause you some health problems and put you at risk.

    4.) It has nasty side effects. Nausea, bleeding, headaches and cramps to name a few. It will likely cause you to be sick for a day.

    I'm sorry dear; no self respecting doctor or pharmacist would recommend you consider using it as a normal contraceptive. It's a plainly bad idea. Figure out something else, or wait to have sex. It wont kill ya.

    As for the second part. Yes, if you used it as directed, began it at the proper time and used up all the pills correctly, you would be protected until the beginning of the placebos, or when you period starts.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    What is a laugh-out-loud funny (yet approiate) broadway type song for a girl to sing?

    Thank you.

    The Answer
    Don't Tell Mama - Cabaret (Not exactly appropriate but still...
    Popular - Wicked
    Taylor the Latte Boy (not actually from a musical, but hilarious)
    Diva's Lament - Spamalot
    Adelaide's Lament - Guys and Dolls
    Marry the Man Today - Guys and Dolls
    That'll Show Him - A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
    I Feel Pretty - West Side Story
    You Can Always Count on Me - City Of Angels
    I'm Not Getting Married Today - Company
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm kind of confused about what I believe in. You see, my family and I don't go to church because my parents want me to make my own decision about what religion I want to be, even though they are Catholic. But I'm not really sure about what religion I am. I'm a strong believer in karma and that things eventually even out and that people get what they deserve eventually(although that's not how it seems to be working out in my life right now...) but anyways, I believe in God but I believe in karma, too. Is that like a contradiction? Can you believe in both? Just a thought.

    The Answer
    Being a theist, which is the fancy word for believing in a single, conscious, creative entity, and believing and karma isn't any sort of rational problem. I don't see why you can’t do that.

    However, believing in any semantic God, and by that I mean any Christian, Jewish or Muslim understanding of God, in the strictest sense wouldn’t really allow for the idea of karma. In those religions, I’m quite sure the formal understanding is that you have God's will and that justice is something God dispenses after death. The world of doesn’t have any living has no real justice in it.

    Now I know somebody is going argue with me on that, but the basis of the dogma and philosophy about justice in those religions as far as anything I’ve ever read is that justice is a virtue of God and although human beings try to emulate it, true and complete justice can only be dispensed by God after you die. That is philosophically one of the main ways semantic religions deal with the question "Why is there evil in the world?" The idea of karma, where everything sorts itself out in the end and balance is achieved wouldn’t jive with that philosophy. It would remove on of 'God's' main functions in those religions. Instead, any sort of things that looked like karma in the world would either be considered a direct result of someone's sin or simply the will of God.

    So basically, as long you don’t claim to be a Jew and believe in karma, I wouldn't have any argument with you. Even if you did claim to follow on of those religions and believe in karma I wouldn’t really have a problem with you, I'd just say I don't think you've thought it through, because the two philosophies do not blend well at all.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My dog Bear is a mix bread of a German-Shepered and Black Lab, and ever sence Christmas she's been slipping, sliding, falling on our hard wood floor and she can't get up by herself.She's 12 years old which is old for a dog but she's mine!She has to protect us!She can't leave.....I've seen this happen before to a friends dog and she ended up putting him down but I don't want to put Bear through pain.She's always been here...I was like 2 when we got her and she's apart of the family.I'm crying just asking this but if she doesn't get better I-- I always wanted her to be here to slink around rooms and check on us, Im afraid im ganna come home and she'll be gone(past away).How do I help her?Both of her back legs give out and slide right out from under her....

    It's kinda not a question but
    Ill miss her

    The Answer
    If your dog is in such pain that she is falling down and can’t get herself back up, it is time to take her to a veterinarian and accept that they are going to recommend putting her down.

    Bear is in pain. She isn’t going to get better. The more you demand of her the more pain she will have to suffer through. Don’t be selfish. Don’t let her suffer just because you want her all to yourself.

    Of course you'll miss her and you'll cry for her, but those aren't good enough reasons to let her live in constant pain.

    So take her to the vet, or encourage your parents to take her, and accept she probably doesn't have a lot of time let, so make it specail for her.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    34/f
    I have a friend who is divorcing her husband. We became friends through church, while the two were still together. They have two children together who are my child's closest friends.

    Before they separated, 'Renee' showed me a lot of stuff, asking what she should do. They included e-mails her husband, 'Sam,' had sent on their joint computer, trying to entice women from other states to come have sex with him. He wrote
    very detailed, intimate fantasies and sent naked pictures of himself. This wasn't the first time.

    Back to the story, they are separated, but they share the custody of their girls. Because our girls are friends, I still see Sam occasionally.
    When I do, he makes icky comments and does things like taking pictures of me without asking. I feel uncomfortable around him. Mike (my hubby) can't stand him either. The most explicit thing he's ever said to me, I think, is asking, in regards to the movie The Secretary, which I told him I had never seen, whether I was "into that sort of thing." It's a movie about an S&M relationship between a boss and his secretary.

    He often e-mails, calls, or mentions when we see him (last was Christmas) that he wants to get together with us sometime when he has the girls. He suggests dinner at his house or outings to
    the science museum, etc. We always politely decline. Either we have other plans or we're not able to commit to a date. He keeps trying. They've been separated for 9 months now and we've been trying to avoid him longer than that.

    So, do you think we're going to need to tell this dude to buzz off in no uncertain terms? I don't want to make it Renee's problem. She has enough on her mind. I don't want to be mean, but he should know that I see her probably every week
    and we get the girls together about every 2 weeks. We never invite him along. What do you think? Would it be less cruel to explain to Sam that I'm Renee's friend and don't wish to hang out with him? Think he'll get the hint eventually?

    The Answer
    Eventually? Sure, but who wants to wait any longer.

    Tell him you’d like to remain civil and pleasant for the sake of daughter’s friendships you are not interested in being his friend or going out as a group. You don’t need to mention Renee in this at all. This is about your comfort level and what you want, not about anything she has asked you to do.

    It’s becoming a matter of being cruel to be kind. The man has probably lost most of his friends in the divorce, rightly or wrongly, and is trying to hold on to you and your family. He needs to understand that that is not going to happen so he can move on and look for another social circle.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    this is a random question but me and
    my friends are debating over it. who
    do the 5 Great Lakes belong to? The
    U.S.A or Canada??? I know Lake Michigan
    is in the U.S and the rest are in Canada
    but wh country do they belong to?

    The Answer
    Neither.

    Only Lake Michigan is contained entirely within US borders, the other four lakes all straddle the border, with both Canadian and American shores. They are considered international inland seas, if you want to get really technical. The sharing of those lakes is outlined in the The Boundary Waters Treaty of 1909 and the 1987 Great Lakes Water Quality Agreement.

    Most of those treaties include Lake Michigan. Even though it is entirely contained in the US boarders, it's part of the shared water system, so both nations are still invested and concerned. Draining, selling or pumping of the water from the Great Lakes causes a lot of disagreement and public outcry each time it is threatened, especially since they are a shared resource containing almost 20% of the worldâ??s fresh water supply. In the last ten years there are been several more agreements between different levels of Canadian and US governments to try and regulate against abusive water withdrawal.
    (View All Other Answers.)



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