Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

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    The Question
    what does bulimia do to your body? and what effects does it have to people in the long run?

    The Answer
    Over the short term bulimia will cause irritation and inflammation in the throat, mouth and gums, after a few months being bulimic, your teeth begin to rot from the stomach acid flowing pas them. A person might also developer gum disease and swelling in your cheeks from that acid. Vomiting too often and violently can also rupture the esophagus.

    As for the long term effects of bulimia, I'll just list a few of 'em to keep it short: Malnutrition (obviously), dehydration, dry skin, weak nails, hair loss, high blood pressure, iron deficiency and cancer of the throat or voice box. There are also numerous diseases you can develop in your intestines and kidneys and bulimia makes pregnancy more risky for women.

    That is a quick summary of the wonderful effects of this eating disorder. If you or someone you know is suffering from it, tell an adult and tell them quickly. Bulimia can kill, no matter how little it’s being done.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have been taking accutance for 6 years now...is it possible that i could have drug inducced lupus?

    The Answer
    Accutane has been connected to lupus and there are several court cases pending agianst the company that makes Accutane. However there is no medical proof or studies to determain if Accutane actually causes lupus.

    Talk to a doctor if something is wrong.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i have been feeling very fluish and had some mono symtoms and i am very tierd to...i got tested for mono twice and both have come back negative...is it possible that i have it still and its not showing up? could it perhaps be lupus?

    The Answer
    The typical ‘mono test’ is reasonably reliable, and in fact, the exact same test would be positive if you had lupus, although it isn't used to diagnose lupus. So if you didn't test positive for mono, then you probably don't have lupus either.

    If your symptoms for mono have persisted for over a month, then you might still have mono, but a negative test results. If the symptoms have not persisted that long, then the test is probably accurate and you don’t have mono.

    Take your doctor's advice on this one and don't try and self-diagnose. If you are unhappy with one doctor's handling of your case, find another, but rely on someone with real knowledge, not strangers online.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    call me a horrible mother a lready- i feel like one. but i havent been taking my prenatal vitamins. i starte dtaking them when i was a few months along, but just stopped. i honestly dont know why. but im almost 8 months along now, and i know its a little late, but i have been sooo stressed out thinking something's going to be wrong with my baby becuase i havent been taking the vitamins. someone please help me,

    The Answer
    Women had healthy happy babies for centuries before the invention of pre-natal vitamins. So don't get so down on yourself. Talk to a doctor if you are concerned about anything and ask for their guidance on what you should be taking at this point if you wanted to know.

    My mother didn't take pre-natal vitamins at all, and all eight (yes, eight) of her children were born healthy.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My boyfriend is 42 and I am 29. We have a great relationship except for the fact that he is into alot of porn and recently i looked at his computer and he was on a website called hornymatches.He put in his profie that he is looking for casual sex. i was shocked he has a lot of female friends and he feels like the sex on the net is an escape. he said he would give it up but i have set up spyware on his computer and he is still checking those sites, little does he know i have changed his profile to say that he is gay!!! ha ha i am a very attractive woman and he is older, do you think he will cheat eventually? i guess looks arent everything, he assures me he will never cheat and i am going out of my mind and doing alot of investigating and worrying. HELP

    The Answer
    He was looking for casual sex online. That means he was preparing to cheat.

    Talk to him again and discuss your fears. Ask him very pointed questions like "Why did you think it was okay to look for sex partners online?" and listen closely to his response. If he thought cheating was okay then, he probably still thinks its okay, despite his promises. He’ll just try harder not to get caught.

    You should not have to do a lot of investigating or worrying. First off, invading his privacy is not right, and secondly you should either be able to trust him, or not be with him. If he can’t put your fears to rest, suggest counseling. It doesn’t need to be a permanent thing, just a few sessions where the counselor helps the two of communicate and understand each other.

    Porn online is fine and harmless, however soliciting sex online is definitely not okay. No one posts an ad like that without hoping follow through on it. So unless something has changed, he will cheat, no matter how much worrying or investigating you do.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm engaged and my wife to be is still friends with her ex-boyfriend. She even expects me to have dinner with them both if we move to the same city. He still wants to be with her, and she says that I don't understand that it is the mature thing to do. I think it is pretty straightforward: we should stay away from exes. No talking, no dinner. Am I crazy?

    The Answer
    Crazy? No. But you aren't right either.

    You need to give your fiancé a chance. This really isn't about the guy at all, this is about your fiancé and what she wants and believes.

    There is no rule that says you must never speak to your exes again. In fact, common sense says that if you are able to maintain an enjoyable friendship with them you have no reason not too. Your fiancé clearly believes she can have a civil friendship with her ex and you have no right what so ever to tell her that she can't. You might believe this will cause trouble, but your wife does not share that belief, and you can't make her share it.

    Refusing to meet this guy, or being an ass when you do, will only make you look like a possessive jerk and take any credibility your opinions about him might have.

    Your fiancé thinks that this will be okay. She would enjoy a plutonic relationship with this man. If you have reason not to trust her on this, you probably shouldn’t be getting married.

    Do yourself a favor: assume the best in people, not the worst. Trust your fiancé to tell you if there is a problem and have a friendly dinner with him.

    This really isn’t about being married dear; this is simply about trusting the person you are with and not being unnecessarily judgmental. This ex deserves the benefit of the doubt and your fiancé deserves your trust and support.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hi. I'm Thai. male. Let's go straight to the point.
    I've known this girl for about a year since we first met. She's good looking. lots of guy are trying to chat her up as well. I can tell that this girl is somewhat flirtatious, but I really like her, anyway. We were in good relationship for a while as she called me and went out with me a lot. Then four months ago, she became very different. She didn't pick my call anymore (sometime she cut the line). She completely ignored me. Her reason was because I lie to her (I did not, honestly). Let me tell you a story. I was about to pick her up to her house. My car ran out of battery, so I couldn't get her on time. that was when she started to ignore me. she beleived that I lie to her for some reasons. Then We lost contact for about three months.
    I started to call her again. She told me she doesn't have boyfreind yet. we went out for dinner yesterday with one of her freind. Things seemed to be OK. Today she give me a call. Surprise!
    I wonder what's happening now? Is everything getting better again or just flirting over and over? I'm kind of lost. I don't know where I am. what's she thinking?
    Just additional info. We barely went out only 2 of us. She always brings her freind with when we went out. Dosen't sound good to me.
    ANyway, any suggestions are apprecitaed.

    The Answer
    My best advice to you is that if you are looking for a serious relationship, look elsewhere.

    I can't tell you exactly what is going through her mind, but I hope you can tell that her expectations and your own aren't quite lining up. This idea she had that you lied to her is the largest and most glaring problem, especially since she responded to that by shutting you out for months. If you think that was bad, imagine how she would have chosen to 'punish' you for this perceived transgression if you had been dating.

    Her bringing her friend is certainly not good; it means you two weren't being honest with each other about the nature of your relationship and what you wanted and that she wasn't taking it seriously.

    But do yourself a favor and stop worrying so much about what she is thinking or feelings. She sounds like a rather confused soul, as quick to flirt as she is to judge. (Maybe even more then a bit of a drama queen?) Instead, think about what it is you want. If you actually want to pursue something with this girl, make that very clear to her. Don't give her any room to weasel around the issue or lead you on.
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    The Question
    Alright. My boyfriend and I have thought a LOT about having sex with each other. I really want to and I'm ready but I'm only 15, and if I explained to my folks that I need birth control, they'd kill me. I know I'm ready because we've been dating for quite sometime, and I'm very in love with him and I want him to be my first. We've planned to stay together for a while and I'm not one of those girls who just blabber on and on about how I love this person so so so much. I take things seriously and I don't say I love you every 5 minutes because it's something very special to say. Not only do you have a healthy, good physical relationship with each other, we've got an amazing emotional one too. We're so open with each other, it throws me off guard sometimes. He's my best friend in the whole wide world and we even broke up with each other a few months ago but we never stopped talking like we do now and we didn't stop seeing other. He's amazing, I love him, and we can't ever get enough of each other. At school, we're together, and then after school we're on the phone until bedtime. Then on weekends we're together. Theres always things to talk about when we're together and theres always things to do. We get along amazingly and we have a really strong connection. Hes so practical and logical too. He's very smart with his decisions and he's helped me along so well. I've had a lot happen to me the past few years and I went off track but now my life is great and things are going smoothly. See now I want to have sex with him, and I already think my parents suspect that we fool around. Would fooling around be considered sexually active? Do I sound ready for sex? Someone please help me, I've talked to him about this as well and he doesn't know what to do. We need some clearing up!!

    The Answer
    Fooling around, if it involves the genital area in anyway, would be considered sexual activity.

    Yes, you sound ready for sex. HOWEVER, sounding ready for sex and being ready for sex are completely different things! Any reasonably intelligent young lady, which you clearly are, can pick up the right kind of words to 'sound' like she is ready. That does not make her ready.

    I would never encourage someone at 15 to have sex, no matter how perfect and mature their relationship might be. Sex is a complication, and at your age, it is a completely needless one.

    There are a few practical matters here to address: if your parents aren't comfortable with you having sex, or even more seriously, of you are not comfortable talking to them about your sexual choices, then you probably shouldn't be having sex.

    It also concerns me, that despite you and boyfriend’s maturity, that nowhere in this question do you mention which or how you will be acquiring birth control.

    It’s great that you love your boyfriend. It’s great that you are both so serious and it’s wonderful that you are enjoying ‘fooling around’, but none of that means that you now must have sex. Sex is not the thing to do just because you feel like you’ve done everything else. In fact, that is the worst reason to have sex.

    I know in the end you will do whatever you want to, but you asked for advice, so here is mine: There is no reason not to wait. You plan on standing by this guy so the time will come, just give it a year or two and enjoy the place the relationship is in now. Sex wont make your relationship ‘better’ or ‘deeper’, but it will complicate things and introduce new risks and challenges.
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    The Question
    ok my boyfriend always fingers me and stuff but i never do nything to him i don't know what to do. because he always like puts my hand on his penis but i pull away because i have no idea what i'm doing could you tell me what to do thanks!

    The Answer
    Ask him.

    He touches himself. He knows what he likes. Don't be a chicken, if you really want to know, ask.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I know that this is immoral. I also know that this question will make me sound like a selfish, spoilt brat.
    I have a consciense, I have a personal faith and I may or may not act on the information you give me.
    It's taken me alot of wrangling with myself to even ask this question:

    What is the best way to break up a new relationship between a pair of sixteen yearolds without spreading malicious gossip.
    Gentle and subtle is what I'm going for here.
    I like them both but I can't let this happen because if I don't tell him how I feel I might never see him again after this coming July. I can't tell him while he's going out with her.

    Thankyou for any advice you can give me. It's much appreciated.

    (NB F/16)

    The Answer
    You can tell him while he is going out with her. Sure, it isn't the best thing to do, but it is certainly more decent and honorable then attempting to break them up however 'gently'. Be honest and simple and say "I know you are with someone, but I just need to tell you I've had these feelings for you for ages and I'm afraid I'll never see you again."

    That is honest, non-bitchy, and straightforward. It still puts him in a tough place, but if you stop there and just let him respond you might find he can put your fears to rest, or tell you just as frankly that he isn't interested.

    There really isn't any other approach for a decent human being to take, besides not saying anything at all.

    A few facts of life dear:

    Nothing you do will change what to people feel for one another. You can't 'break them up'. You can be a vicious bitch and make their lives unpleasant, but if they don't want to break up, you will fail. They will either breakup because they choose to, or not.

    July is a long ways away. Your feelings might change, or even more likely, their relationship might change.

    There is no reason why you cannot stay in contact with this guy beyond July. Unless he is moving to a third world country with no communication, you can still speak to him. It will be harder, but if he is leaving, it will be harder whether he knows about you feelings or not.

    And lastly, having the desire to break up a couple doesn't make you a bad person, being jealous and wanting someone doesn't make you a bad person. However, acting on those feelings does!

    Whatever you do, do it with respect for all parties involved.
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    The Question
    Can you get pregnant from anul sex?

    The Answer
    Oh this always annoys me so much!

    Although it's true you can't get pregnant from anal sex specifically, you are still getting sperm very close to your vaginal opening and maybe in contact with the vaginal fluids. If sperm makes contact with the vaginal fluids it is possible to get pregnant in that way.

    It's a slim chance yes, but the risk is still there. It is still sex: Sex always carries that risk. Use a condom or birth control to minimize the risk; don't just hope for the best.
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    The Question
    OK this is the hardest thing i have ever been through.. :( and i have never felt this way about someone before..we have been through so much and shared so many good memories..well the story goes like this...
    A girl comes out of nowhere and starts flirting with my bf of 9 months on myspace. They wind up hanging out at a football game with friends and he tells me he has some feelings for her. This was heartbreaking. However..i wanted to work it out with him so when he suggested 'open relationship' as in he dates her(not go out) and maybe kisses/hugs her and i agreed to this and to still be with him. I decided it wasnt fair to me..because we had 9 months..i dont desserve this and it hurts..so i break up with him..He says he loves me and sees a future with me as in marriage..that it wont get serious with the new girl but how am i supposed to know? (i mean he might go out with her he says..what do i do then?)They are hanging out more..they call each other..shes driving me nuts with her shoutouts to him and comments..and hes putting her shoutout in his info..its just too much and it breaks my heart. I dont know what to do..isolate myself from him..like not talk to him or hang out or anything so he makes a choice? (like if hes away from me maybe he will miss me..or maybe he will decide he wants her) Or do i be his friend? do i kiss him still and cuddle? i really want to..but this is very hard for me. Hes a sweetheart though. he told me everything..he was honest about her..and we made an agreement that he tells me everything and he has. they were talking together by the lake..they might go to the movies tomorro..i flip flop back and forth though..be his friend and hang out/talk/cuddle/kiss him...but sometimes i feel so sad and hurt i feel like i should back away completely. what do i do? is this worth the wait?

    The Answer
    Back off from him, avoid him as well as you are able.

    It's a good idea you have there. Oh yes, it will certainly hurt, but it's your intellect that is pushing that plan on you.

    The situation he wants isn't working for you. Nothing is going to magically change and make an open relationship make you happy.

    Both parties in the relationship, even an open one, must be happy in order for it to survive. It's very flattering that he sees a future with you, but if he sees that future as being with you and a parade of other women from time to time, you are well within your rights to say that isn't the future you want.

    Tell him calmly and in a straightforward way that an open relationship is just not going to be okay with you. You wish it could be, because you still want to be with him and make him happy, but it just makes you miserable. If you donâ??t want to be his cuddle buddy, tell him that too. You sound like you are the kind of girl who wants to either be in a relationship or not, no dumb gray areas. I am exactly the same

    You don't need to insist he choose between you and her. You don't need to bully or beg him. Just tell him how you feel and tell him that in order to properly move on you are not going to talk to him or hang out for a while, and then do it. Don't speak to him for at least three weeks. If he tries to contact you, don't respond to any calls or e-mails until that time is up. It will hurt like hell, but you will feel better at the end of it.
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    The Question
    Recently I saw my ex bf's friend at the bar. When I was dating my ex I always felt that his friend had feelings for me because he was always so nice and he seemed to really care about me. I remember once me and my ex got in a fight and he tried to make me feel better. Anyways; he never acted on his feelings because he had; and still has a gf. Well when I was dancing at the bar; although I never talked to him his gf kept glaring at me. I had no idea why because he's WAY to old for me and I am not interested. He is in his 50's and I'm in his 20's. Why do you think she was glaring at me? Do you think she sees me as a threat? She is probably in her early 40's.

    The Answer
    Why does it matter?

    Maybe she is threatened, maybe she recognized your face and just couldn't place you, maybe you had food in your teeth, maybe she was looking for a good moment to come over and say hi, maybe she wasn't even looking at you or maybe she thought your shirt particularly ugly.

    If you aren't interested in her guy, it doesn't matter at all. It's a waste of your mental energy to even bother worrying about what this random woman thinks of you. Unless you are telepathic you will never know what she was thinking, which is okay, because her feelings will never affect you in any way.
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    The Question
    The other day I asked my boyfriend if we could take a break. I just wanted alone time. And he got really emotional about it and started crying and such. I wasn't breaking up with him. I just wanted a break. Later on that day after talking with him I decided that I didn't want to take a break anymore. So what is wrong with me. I am so indecisive right now.I've been doing alot of this lately. I don't know what I want. I love him and I've been going out with him for alittle over a year now. And I'm 17..

    The Answer
    It's okay to be confused and indecisive, but it's not very nice to drag other people along that emotional rollercoaster with you.

    Next time, rather then asking for a break right off the bat, try talking about your feelings with your boyfriend instead. Maybe what you really wanted was more time to spend with your friends/family or on school work. Maybe you were just tired of the same old dates. There are a hundred possible problems, that he might be able to help you solve or deal with, that really had nothing to do with breaking up with him, and since you've now changed your mind, I would bet it wasn't really the relationship you were unhappy in.

    You also learned a really important lesson about people. For most people 'taking a break' really means "I don't have the balls to break-up with you right now but that's the way we're headed." That might not be what you meant, but that is what your boyfriend heard, so that is what he responded too.

    There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to learn to handle these feelings a bit better, with a bit more respect for your boyfriend. Even if you do breakup or a take a break, at least if you've been talking about the problems, he will be able to better understand and deal with it.
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    The Question
    i'm going to italy to visit a guy that i really like, he told me not to fall in love with him, but at the same time he is taking me to venice for 3 days, how can i not fall in love with all the romance he is going to give me, we already had sex. what does this mean? can he be confused or am i? he acts like he really likes me.

    The Answer
    I don't know about him, but you are certainly confuzzled aint you?

    Before you leave, you MUST figure out the answer to this question: What do you want?

    If you want a relationship. Fine. Act accordingly.
    If you want to have some casual fun with him. Fine. Act accordingly.
    If you don't want to develop feelings or sleep with him. Fine. Act accordingly.

    Oh yeah, and tell him what you want.
    And ask him what he wants.

    No one is a mind reader. You want to know what on earth he is thinking, you better be willing to ask.

    BUT If you don't want to fall in love with him, maybe avoiding quite candlelit dinners wouldn't be a bad idea? Maybe not going through the motions of long conversations and cuddling would be wise? Avoiding situations that lead to what you do NOT want would certainly be a good idea.

    So take some control of your situation dear. Talk to the boy about what it is you would like to do while visiting him. You'll feel better if it's made clear and you will feel more in control. You don't have to let things just happen to you. You can define the situation the way you want it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Why do many non-Christians celebrate Christmas? Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus, so I just don't understand how anyone who doesn't believe in Jesus could celebrate his birth just for presents. And why do nonreligious people have to celebrate Christmas? Why not Hannukah or Kwanza?

    Also, why do people who only celebrate Christmas and Easter consider themselves Christian? (people who don't pray or go to church, but still celebrate Christian holidays)

    The Answer
    The shortest and clearest answer is this: Because they can.

    People were encouraged, by law, for the longest time to engage in these Christian-eque rituals. So they fell into the habit, they do what their parents and grandparents do, even when they fell out of the faith.

    Christmas is no longer limited to it's religious connotations (in fact, it never really was! Read up on your history of Christmas. Even ignoring the pagan roots of the holiday, particularly interesting are the Christmas riots in England in the 16th and 17th century. You'll learn quickly that Christmas, even back then, had dreadfully little to do with Jesus and a lot to do with partying and politics.)

    Why do people who only attend church at Christmas and Easter consider themselves Christians? Again, because they can. Because very few churches are going to kick those people out, or judge them too harshly for it. Why would the church, or their fellow Christians, judge them or insult them? Don't you want them there are church? Aren't they just as worthy of the message as any of you? Don't you still hold out hope for them?

    Most modern Christians tolerate or even embrace Easter and Christmas Christians because of the evangelical nature of Christianity. They want more people involved. They are called to spread the word. They want more people to be saved.

    It is the history of Christianity that has created this current situation. Be very careful when passing judgments on those who are responding to history, culture and religion. Those are not things you can escape either.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    If material is purchased after the contract scheduled time, and the price goes up since the initial cost estimate, WHO's picking up the difference of cost?

    The Answer
    Typically, the contractor.

    They have been paid a specific amount to do the job. An amount they quoted the client as the job costing. If that quote wasn't an accurate assessment of what the job would cost, the contractor must swallow it.

    Although I’m curious why materials purchased after the contract is closed… It’s odd and maybe there is some allowance in the contract for this. I really am not sure of all the finer points.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I know its really weird, but I've liked my teacher since being in his class last year. I don't know what to do and it is getting awkward just to be around him. Hes twice my age!! What should I do? I graduate this year and I'm afraid I will still like him then.

    The Answer
    There is one wonderful cure for any crush: time and distance.

    You shouldn't be afraid of still having a crush on him after your graduate. I promise you, it wont last very long when you aren't running into him regularly and certainly not as you move on in your life to much more exciting things then high school.

    Crushes are fine and fun, and you seem to know how unrealistic this one is, so just relax. It will go away if you don’t sit around and worry on it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    so i told my boyfriend I think we shoudl take abreak because he was being way to controlling and overpowering and he fraked out saying he was gonna drive his car into a tree and drove away..i found him and we talked and he keeps saying that if we broke up he would die..this relationship isn't good for me..how do i get out of it

    The Answer
    You do exactly what you did, just be firmer. Don't ask for a break. You don't really want a break do you? What you want is the hell out of this. So tell him it's over and don't chase after him no mater what he says.

    His stupid threat of self-harm is just one more way he is being controlling and trying to bully you. Even if he does something that amazingly stupid, it's not your fault, it is him being an idiot.

    In the end, people are responsible for themselves. You are responsible for your own happiness and health, which is why you need to end this relationship completely and he is responsible for himself. So if does something stupid, that’s his problem. Don’t let him even try to make it yours.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    tonight, jill came up to me and asked me if i went to julie's house the night before. i said no and asked her why. she said "oh, she had people over" and i was like oh. no big deal - i wouldn't have really cared if i wasn't invited. so, later on jill came up to me again and said (i didn't ask her to ask julie this, but she did anyway), "julie said that you were invited and she told mary (my other friend) to tell you about it, but she said you couldn't go." mary never told me anything, and the fact that i couldn't go was a lie. should i talk to mary about it? like, what should i say?

    The Answer
    Hearing something about a friend from a friend of that friend is a really great way to get incorrect information.

    It might have just been honest confusion and unless you have some other reason to distrust Mary, I would just let it go. At very least, before you confront her, speak to Julie and make sure what Jill told you about the whole thing was accurate.
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