Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    i like this guy Matt, and ive liked him for this whole year basically. about 2-3 months ago he asked me out and then dumped me the next day and said "Im sorry for screwing around with you, i just cant get that girl Emma out of my head." Hes liked Emma for a long time too. Then like 15 minutes later hes like I love you Ana & i always will but i just cant get Emma out of my head and im like Okay...
    Now hes over Emma and he likes another girl Katherine. Im going out wiht his best frined, but i dont want to dump him because i dont want him to get hurt. And im scared if i dump him, Matt wont be my friend either. Ever since i started dating Matts best friend, Matt is being really slack to me like calling me a bitch and stuff. I have told him things about Katherine that i heard from her friends, like shes a bitch and stuff, but Matt said that im no one to tell him who to like then i said that I just dont want him to get hurt then he didnt say anything. I just dont get his behaviour. Hes changed soo much. How can i make him be the way he was before - caring and sweet? Ive tried talking but he just gets pissed off.

    Also, how can i make him like me again? This all is making me really upset. I even want to cry in the middle of class sometimes.

    Thanks
    Ana.

    The Answer
    You can't *make* anybody do anything. You can't make him back into the caring and sweet person you once thought he was and you can't make him like you. Actually, I think if you really put some thought into it you might come to see that A.) He was never really all that sweet and B.) He never really liked you that much.

    Don't listen to what people say, especially not little boys. Not every thirteen year old guy is a little boy, but this Matt certainly is. Little boys want what they want when they want it, and don't care how it affects anyone. Little boys will say anything to avoid drama, even "I love you." Take them seriously, and you are welcoming in a broken heart.

    Pay attention to what people do instead: Matt fooled around with you, gave you a totally lame excuse for a breakup, can't seem to stay attached to one girl for any decent length of time and is currently treating you like dirt.

    Matt is acting like a jerk not because he is confused or jealous or anything like that. There is nothing you need to 'get' about his behavior but this: He is acting like a jerk because he is a jerk, and because he doesn't want you.

    If you want to cry in the middle of class over this, go to the bathroom and bawl your eyes out. It's okay to be sad and upset. It's okay to be confused about what it is you want and who you like. The only thing that isn't okay is wasting anymore time fantasizing that you could actually have a happy relationship with this guy. You can't. Right now no girl could. He just isn't there yet. He probably never will be.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I am getting obssesed with the idea of commiting suicide. I am not a teenage girl by the way, I am a 40 year old bysiness man. I take pills so that I can sleep at night but i just wont help but anyways I dont want to bitch about my life. I just dont want to think about killing myself anymore.it is always there, the thought. Crazy thoughts, how to do it, will it hurt, make a big fuss and....that is all.
    I think also that if I start doing heavy drugs things will get better.

    The Answer

    You are adult babe, so I will spare you any sugar coating or fooling around. You absolutely must realize these things:

    Your thoughts about drugs and suicide have no basis in reality. They are easy fantasies. Life is a more difficult thing then dreaming about escaping it.
    Your belief that drugs will make you feel better is like believing a band-aid will fix a gapping stomach wound.
    You are actually very sick.

    Sick people go to a doctor and tell the doctor what's wrong. Until you do that, you will not feel any better.

    Drugs, when prescribed by a doctor, can help with depression but they don't cure it. Street drugs don't even help. They just feel good for a little while and then make you even sicker.

    I'm sure you are not fool, most people who fall into depression aren't idiots. So you don't need me to tell you to seek help. I hope all you need is a few random strangers online all giving you the same message: Go to a Doctor. Go to a therapist. Call the national suicide hotline (really easy this one. right here: 1-800-273-8255). Go to a support group.

    We can't take that next step for you. We can’t sweep in and save you. You must be your own trusted adult, your own mature friend, your own best buddy, and take care of yourself if you
    ever hope to beat this.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    This might be long, but please read and help. My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. He was my first real boyfriend and we learned so much from eachother. I lost my virginity to him, and we had more great times than bad. He said the relationship wasn't the same and needed to start focusing on himself. It was a complete shock to my heart. We hadn't talked for weeks, but finally I made the first move and called him. I wanted to just catch up and see if maybe we could be friends. He seemed up for it and we hung out together. The only thing he seemed to want was sex and he was just being mean to me. He was never like that before. I held my own, but I'm even more hurt. I just can't seem to let him go no matter what. I wake up depressed and go to bed depressed. I can't believe that this boy has control over my happiness. Is there anyway you can be friends with someone you had a really intense relationship with? How do I even go about moving on? Nothing is working.

    The Answer
    Something was working love: Not talking to him was working. Time was working for you in its usual plodding way. You messed up when you invited him back into your life so soon, without any conditions.

    If you really want to pursue a friendship with this boy AND be able to move on, I will let you in on Razhie's Friends with the Ex Guidelines (Patent Pending):

    1.) Do not talk about 'feelings' for more then two sentences. New 'Friends' do not need to have long drawn out conversations about their feelings about each other and your friendship with your ex is a new one, something completely separate from the relationship you once had. Don't load it down with lots of emotional talk, that's for couples. Instead, do what you would do with a new friend: If you are uncomfortable or unhappy in their company, politely decline to be in their company so often.

    2.) Don't make plans that are exactly the same as the plans you made when you were together. If a date involved take out, a movie and then sex on the basement floor, then for goodness sake do not have take-out: We all know where it's gonna lead. Meet for coffee instead. On the other hand, if you regularly had caffeine-fueled sex, go for pizza.

    3.) Lastly, and most importantly, realize what you can control and what you can't. You can't control his feelings, his thoughts or his actions, so worrying about any of those is nothing but a waste of time. What you can control is you, so focus on you. If you find you can't focus on you and be his friend, then don't be his friend.

    The old saying it true, time heals all wounds, but time won’t heal a scab you keep picking at. Follow my advice and you’ll stop re-opening your wounds each time you see him and might find you can be friends, and move on at the same time.

    If you can’t do this, or find yourself falling into your old relationship habits instead of building new friendship habits anyways, then give up on friendship for a while.



    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Thursday i'm getting my wisdom teeth removed and i'm not sure how many days I need off work to recouperate. I've got Thursday, Friday, and Saturday scheduled off already, but i wasn't sure if I needed Sunday off too since I always work Sunday mornings. I have to have days scheduled off in advance because its really hard to find someone to fill in for me.

    If anyone has had this done before, please help me.

    Thanks

    The Answer
    It depends a bit on if your teeth are being pulled or if they are impacted. If they have broken through the gums, you should probably be fine (as long as your work isn't too physically taxing.)

    If your teeth are impacted however, you might want Sunday off just in case. Honestly, I had a bad run of it when my wisdom teeth were removed and was outta commission completely for two days, and still really uncomfortable for two more.

    If you really don't know what you need, call your dentist's office and ask for thier professional opinion.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    What could be your race if the last name Batista?

    The Answer
    The origins of the last name Batista are in Portuguese, Italian, and Spanish. Of course, just because that is where the name comes from, doesn't mean that any of that is the ethnicity of
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ok...here's the scenario:
    My uncle worked for ING and he's an awesome person, he's a people person and a go-getter. Well, at ING they sponsor a family every year and they usually get about 300$, well my uncle, being the awesome person he is says that if they raise over 1000$ he'll shave his head...
    ...later in the year right before his big bonus...
    ...wednesday: this guy calls in to tranfer his account and he forgot his pin so my uncle tells him "sorry i cant attend to you then, its store policy" so the guy's all like omg i cant remember im going to lose so much money...so m y uncle gives him the randomest hint that only he could get cause if some stranger called in...he would have never have guessed...so yeah...(all calls are recorded)
    ...friday: this is the day where they coun t all the money for that family thing...this year...guess what...they raised more than 1000$...so my uncle gets his head shaved...ok heres the messed up part i need advice on...
    ...OK NOW THEY TELL HIM OH BY THE WAY YOU'RE FIRED FOR WHAT YOU DID ON WEDNESDAY!...WE'RE GONNA EXCORT YOU OUT NOW!...he didn't even get to go to his desk to get his stuff....like seriously if it was that bad they should have escorted him out on wednesday right after...anyways so yeah...i think they did that because they wanted to save the money that hwould have recieved in his bonus...wtf is going on here?

    I'll appreciate your help...ALOT!...for my uncle's sake...

    The Answer
    What's going on here is sadly far simpler then you are making it out to be: Your uncle broke the law.

    He revealed personal information to someone. Sure lots of people would have done the exact same damn thing in his place! But it's not just against company policy; it's against the law. If that man on the phone wasn't who he said he was the company could have been sued and shut down. Legally, they had very little choice but to fire your uncle: he had proven himself untrustworthy with sensitive information. To the company, that would have been as serious as theft. Why they waited till Friday? Who knows. Maybe they had to confere with the higher-ups. Maybe they only just found out. It doesn't really matter.

    They probably weren't trying to avoid paying him a bonus. Frankly paying him a few thousand dollars in a bonus would be waaaaaay cheaper then hiring, training and hoping they get a person half so good to fill his position.

    Yes, your uncle might have just made a mistake, but he knew the company's policy and they caught his mistake. It's a sad situation, but it's not surprising.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    im NOT having sex i just have a question.so dont get my wrong. okay if the guy is wearing a condom does the girl have to wear one too? if both the guy and girl wear it then will there will be a less chance she will get pregnant? or how about if just the girl wears a condom and not the guy?

    The Answer
    Condoms are not meant to be used together. You should never use more then one condom: not two male condoms and not one male and one female.

    When you are ready to purchase and use condoms, read the information and instructions that comes with them. Using a condom correctly greatly increases how effective it is, so read the whole thing, even practice putting one on.

    On the information that comes with Durex condoms it states very clearly: "NEVER use two condoms at once. Due to the friction between the two condoms, they might tear or slip off." All other brands will have a similar warning and yes, this warning applies to the female condom as well.

    If you want to increase your level of protection and use two forms of birth control, use a condom and an oral contraceptive.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I got a couple of pumpkins for my porch a week or so ago, and they slowly got little bits taken out of them day by day. Then, yesterday I caught a squirrel munching on them. I would really like to put a bunch of pumpkins on the porch, but don't want to have a bunch of moldy pumpkins with holes all through them on my porch.

    Anyone know of any way to deter a squirrel. Hopefully without poison or a pellet gun.

    The Answer
    Sprinkle them with curry powder. I'm not 100% this will work, but it's discouraged other small animals away from my vegtables before and it seems worth a shot...
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    The Question
    I am a 21 woman (living at college) and my neighbor at home is a 15 yr old boy and he got to talking to me about stuff, he calls quite a bit and that's fine, he doesn't really have people to talk to a lot because he's very popular in the high school so he has to maintain an image or whatever, you know how high school is, so he can't really open up to anybody. Anyway he calls me about stuff and I give advice whatever, he treats me like I'm his mom or something (his own mom was never in the picture really) so anyway his dad got re-married last spring and he was fine with the stepmom at first but after a while he started changing and he was calling late at night really upset. Finally he told me why, he said his stepmom's been coming in his room at night and doing stuff with him, I won't be graphic but you can probably figure it out. So I called CPS and they ended up dropping the case, and his dad thinks he was lying, but I know he's not. He's been able to keep his stepmom out of his room and is staying weekends with his aunt and uncle, but it just sucks that he has to go thru this and he's got a lot of trust issues now. Sorry to be so long but you kinda had to know the backstory in order to answer my question, which is how can I help him thru this, what do I say to him? All I've told him so far is that I believe him and I don't think it was his fault.

    The Answer
    You have done some of the very best things you can do: You've been a supportive, caring, rational adult he can turn too. But you aren't his guardian or his keeper and he is not an infant. A certain amount of positive action in this situation is going to have to be taken by him.

    Encourage him to speak to a counselor, gently and firmly push him in the direction of professional help. If this situation is what he says it is, he needs someone more skilled then you (no offence meant) to speak too. If this situation isn't quite what you've been hearing, he is in even more need of someone else to speak to.

    He will resist this suggestion, but be firm. Speaking to a professional, just a counselor or a therapist, is the very best thing for him. If his case needs to be re-opened, they will be a powerful ally. Even if that doesn’t happen, a counselor is better positioned, not just to help him through this, but help him mend his relationships, or at least make it tolerable with his family.
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    The Question
    when you cite an article from a newspaper or magazine, how would you do that? like, i know you have to say the name of the article and athor and stuff, but in what early and what else? thanks!

    The Answer
    In the future, googling "How to cite a newspaper" will get you this information very quickly.

    http://www.ndsu.edu/instruct/isern/hardhat/newspapers.htm
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hi I am 17 years old and I work in a store. Another girl I work with asked me if I can work on columbus day, when she wa supposed to work. I accepted, since I didn't think I was doing anything. Then my parents blew up at me because my dad took the day off & they want to do something as a family. They told me it's allmy fault that I didn't ask if he was taking the day off. I told them he should have told me he was taking the day off, but they said NO I should ask (which they have NEVER told me to do before). But they do not see my side of it, that I accepted to work so I can't change my mind now & that they should have told me he was taking the day off (am i supposed to guess that out of thin air?) Who is right here, & what can I do about this, they are so mad at me.??

    The Answer
    No one's really right here. It would certainly have been nice, and easier on everyone, if your parents had had the sense to tell you they wanted a family day, and at the same time it would have been nice and easier on everyone if you had the presence of mind to call and check with them that it was okay to take that shift.

    In the end though, it's no one fault, it's just a miscommunication. Apologize (just one time) for the confusion and don't try to get rid of the shift if you don't feel right about that. Let your parents deal with their anger on their own. Don’t feel guilty about that, miscommunications happen. Don’t let them abuse you over it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i used to think harry potter movies were for nerds and stuff but now i actully love the movies lol im kinda obsessed...... ok well i just bought the harry potter and the goblet of fire DVD and i was wondering if there is gonna be another movie coming out after that one?? thanks so much!

    The Answer
    Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix is the next movie and will be coming out in theatres next summer on July 13th.

    A quick google search will get you a whole bunch of rumors and pictures from the movie as it's filming.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ahh! Okay, so this guy and I are in a constant power struggle, even over who calls whom and when. It's driving me crazy and I want him to stop fighting me. I refuse to back down completely, but I feel like I won't ever see him if I don't let him have his way most of the time.
    Like...tonight I wanted to go somewhere with him and he left me hanging for about an hour without saying if he wanted to go or not, then said no he had other plans, but that we could possibly meet up somewhere afterwards. BUT he wanted me to like, go there and call him at a certain time, otherwise he'd just stay where he was longer, or go home.
    Now the stubborn part of me is going "Duh, if you comply he's getting his way and he thinks he has you wrapped around his finger." But the other part of me is going "but you wanna see him, so just comply this once..."
    I'm thinking I might play along for awhile - let him think he has me where he wants me, then completely reject him and see what he does.
    Any thoughts on any of this?

    The Answer
    My thoughts:
    When you 'play along' you run the risk of loosing.

    Don't play games with your own heart or anyone elses. It's hurtful, wasteful and almost as bad as lying to them. Sooner or later it will breed distrust and annoyance, not affection.

    If you don't want to chase him, stop chasing him. If you are willing to organize yourself around his schedule and whims, go for it. But don't kid yourself that once the pattern is set you'll be able to change it. Once you start chasing him, he'll likely expect you to continue doing that. If you stop, he'll think you aren't interested and he'll move on.

    Tell him straight up that you are interested in him and want to be with him and that if he feels the same he should say so. If not, you don't want to waste your time or his chasing him down. Be direct and very clear, that will encourage him to be just as clear with you. If he still dithers around or expects you to do all the work, let this needy little boy go. Talking to your crush shouldn't be a chore.
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    The Question
    ok i recently entered a poetry contest and well they wrote me after a while telling me they wanted me in washington d.c with a group of other deserving poets to the internation libary of poetry and the whos who the poet and the poem i think thts a book they wana publish my poem in and they said theres no fee of anything i actually get money for it..do you think its a load of bull ? or is it true? has anyone ever heard of it? well thx in advance...

    The Answer
    Many of these contests are a scam. Read what they sent you very very carefully and check this out for more information on spotting these scams:
    http://www.absolutewrite.com/specialty_writing/poetry_scams.htm
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have a question. i normally dont ask for advice. but i want to know someones oppinion. are you a slut if you had sex with 2 boys in the same night?

    The Answer
    At the same time?

    Hehe, no I'm just kidding. It doesn't really matter.

    Some people will certainly call you a slut. When it comes to do nearly anything that deviates from the sexual norm you run the risk of being called names.

    I hope you are secure in your sexuality and happy with your decisions. If you are happy don't waste a thought on what others say. If you aren't happy with what you did, no need to call yourself names, just remember that feeling and don't make a choice like that agian.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    okay im really badly stuggling to draw anime or manga and there isnt any good websites can anyone here teach me at all please this is a bit urgent!! thank you SOOO much xxx

    The Answer
    A simple google search will give you a dozen good websites to help you learn how to draw. I especailly like this one: http://www.bakaneko.com/howto/
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    The Question
    For the past hour my right arm (between my wrist and elbow) has been twitching in various places.

    If I watch my arm I can see it move, tensing and releasing. I have NO idea why.

    What could of caused it? Is it serious? Should I see a doctor? Will it go away?

    Please tell me anything you know
    Thanks so much :)

    The Answer
    It's likely just a pinched nerve. Take it a bit easy on that arm for the next few days. If it hasn't gone away in a day or two, or if it becomes painful, go to a doctor.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    im a 14 year male and i just quit smoking after about 2 years of heavy smoking and i was wondering how long it will take for my lungs to start to get back to normal when im running and stuff

    The Answer
    Your body does the best it can to heal itself. About 2 to 12 weeks after your last cigarette lung function improves and 6 to 9 months after quitting you'll have less coughing and shortness of breath.

    Not to say you got off scott free though. Smoking, especially as a young teen can negatively effect lung development. You'll likely never be 100%.

    But studies show that people who quit smoking before or in their early twenties have a much better chance of avoiding the worst effects of smoking like cancer and asthma. To hurry up the healing, try some aerobic exercise.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I was wondering if it was true that after spem come in contact with air do they really die? If a guy ejaculates and then wipes off completely and then has intercourse unprotected is there a chance that pregnancy can occur even though air has touched the sperm?

    The Answer
    Sperm does not die when it hits air.

    That is a ridiculous myth, much like the 'you can't get pregnant on the first time' or 'you can't get pregnant if you have sex in water'. All nonsense. You get semen in you then you can get pregnant.

    Sperm are resilient little buggers and can survive a whole WEEK inside of a women. If they don't have the protection of a human body, man or woman's, they usually die between a 1/2 hour and four hours.

    If you do wash off completely, there shouldn't be a problem, but you can never be completely sure that the sperm is dead until it has dried out. Buy a spermicidal hand wash and keep it handy, then you wont need to worry.
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    The Question
    i basically made plans to have sex friday night..well he is always complaing about how he dosent want a bloody dick.and im not sure if my cherry is popped or not.
    he fingerd me once but im still not sure how to tell if it is popped.cuz some people say that you dont bleed..but it did hurt alot..
    if it isnt popped..how do i pop it..without having sex?

    The Answer
    Stop trying to fix yourself dear. This isn't really a problem and you shouldn't be allowing your boy to make it one.

    There are certain realities of the human body, like stubble growing when you shave, people smelling when they sweat, or needing to use the bathroom when they drink too much. Those are just the basic facts of anatomy, and you shouldn't be ashamed of them.

    If your cherry pops there will likely be some blood, that is just a fact, no way to get around it. If he wants to have sex with you he is going to have to accept that simple human aspect of it: the chance there might be some blood involved. If he can't deal with that, he isn't ready for all the other much scarier realities of sex either.

    You are a woman. Women bleed down there sometimes for a few reasons. If he likes women, tell him to suck it up and deal.

    As has already been pointed out, if he uses a condom there wont be any blood right on him anyways.

    Once more, and say it with me: This is not your problem, this is his problem. Tell him to fix it.
    (View All Other Answers.)




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