"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)

My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.

Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)

    The Question
    Okay this is really embarassing....I went to the movies with my boyfriend last night and we decided to see Nacho Libre...well halfway through the movie I had drank a large soda and I really needed to go ut I didnt want to miss the movie. So then this really funny part happened and I laughed until I peed my pants...I was SO embarrassed and I couldnt get up because I was afraid he would notice to when we went to leave the movie I just rapped my jacket around my waist. On the car ride home he put his hand on my thigh and squeezed...I was so happy! I've never really be touched by a guy (I know I'm a weirdo) and I'm really excited and like a a crazzed fan touched by their hero I'm not sure if I want to wash the pants. I know its gross...but would it be too weird to not wash them and keep them for sentimental value? I wanted to ask my friends but I was WAY to embarrassed to ask people I know. Oh my gosh pleaase help!

    The Answer
    Wash them.

    As important as the moment might have been to you, washing them doesn't take away from that memory, and honestly, urine, like sour milk, smells worse as it gets older and could even cause rashes or the sort if you wear it close to your skin again without cleaning it up.

    Sentimentality is fine dear, but sentimentality to the point of stupidity is just stupidity. Hold on your to your ticket stub instead and wash your jeans. You'll have other precious moments with this boy.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    i am from bermuda...ok so i have a boyfriend and i really love him me and him have been together for 8months now.... um 17 and he 22 we fight sometimes but we end up talking like hourss later... well when my bf is mad at me he tells me to leave him alone and tells me to f off and he says its over but he don't really mean that so when he not mad at me and when we together he tells me um going to marry u someday.. i really want us to get married but i dont no if i should believe him or not i don't no if he lying to me or not... my friends say i should leave him cause they think that he don't respect me and he shouldn't talk to me like that but i don't want to leave him cause i really love him and want to be wit him so i need some advice thanks hope to here from u soon

    The Answer
    He shouldn't talk to you like that. The proper response when he does speak to you like that is "I'm not going to talk to you until you can treat me with respect, call me when you can behave yourself. Bye."

    He is walking all over you when he can call you such nasty names and then insist you leave him alone, as though you've done something wrong!

    Do you need to dump him? That is for you to decide. Sure as hell you do need to stand up to him! If he so carelessly calls you names I'm not surprised you can't believe he is telling the truth when he says he loves you. He has proven he isn't responsible with what he says and he can’t be taken seriously.

    He has to know this is a problem and something that needs to be fixed.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Well, ive had sex with 2 guys..

    1st guy-had sex with 1 girl
    2nd guy-had sex with at least..8 girls

    and all of a sudden ill be sitting with both legs up..n i smell this odor comig from.."downstairs" and it was never there before..i shower everday-and im scared it might be a STD

    The Answer
    It would be helpful if you had included your age dear. More discharge and a different smell could be quite normal if your body is still developing.

    Rather few STD's I can think of off the top of my head include a bad odor, so don't panic. See your doctor to find out if anything is wrong and, of course, make sure your hygiene is up to snuff. Showering is important of course but make sure you are wearing clean pants and underwear all the time and don't wear cotton underwear to bed, or better yet don't wear any underwear to bed and let your vagina get some air.

    But no one will actually be able to tell you if something is wrong or not unless you see a doctor.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    does anyone know when most colleges put their applications online? all the ones i want to apply to haven't put the 2007 one up yet and i want to get started on them soon.

    The Answer
    Most applications for September 2007 won't be up until about January. If you are looking to start in the winter semester they could go up anytime now and probably no later then August or early September.

    Best way by far to find out when the applications go up though is the CALL THE SCHOOL AND ASK THEM!!! (I can't possibly stress that enough.) They will probably be able to outline the whole application process for you.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    If me and my boyfriend are fooling around can i get pregnant from his sperm if he doesn't stick his penis in my vagina? Can his sperm like drip in there or is it not possible? Thankyou.

    The Answer
    Wow I feel like I just answered this question, please excuse my self-plagiarizing.

    Yes sperm can get through clothing and yes it can drip or seep inside of you if sperm gets too close. Sperm can survive for a few hours outside of the male body, so it should always be cleaned up before you do any more fooling around. Sperm doesn't swim through air of course, it swims in the other liquids that make up semen, if these liquids get close to your vagina, then yes it is possible for sperm to get inside of you.

    There is no good reason to let semen get anywhere close to your vagina and hands should always be washed if they have any cum or pre-cum on them before they go anywhere near. Although it isn't very likely you’ll get pregnant this way, there is no reason to take the pointless risks.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    okay i have a few questions:

    how long can sperm live before it hits the air?? (don't say it dies when it hits the air, thats ridiculous) i know it has to live in certain conditions & i was wondering what those are?? can sperm swim around clothes?? i heard its possible but what are the chances of that happening?? also, isnt it true that the sperm has to be sent through the guys fluids & reach the girls fluids so that it actually swims?? i heard air can't be involved.


    The Answer
    Sperm survives best in warm and wet enviroments; they like body temperatures and hotter or colder environments will kill em much quicker. Inside the male body, a sperm lives for about two weeks before it is broken down and reabsorbed into the male body.

    Sperm can survive several hours outside of the human body if it's not cleaned up. Water or oil are pretty toxic to sperm and are fine ways to neutralize any semen you got on your hands. Inside the female body sperm survives at the very least for two days, but can last as long as a week.

    Yes sperm can get through clothing. Sperm doesn't swim through air of course, it swims in the other liquids that make up semen, if these liquids soak through your clothing, then yes it is possible for sperm to get inside of you. So you are basically correct, the semen needs to contact with vaginal fluids in order to transfer into the women.

    But honestly dear, just be smart about it. Don't let a guy ejaculate unnecessarily close to the danger zones, and everyone should wash up well before doing anything else after ejaculation. It's pretty much just common sense.

    Hope that answers everything for you.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    When I was about 13, I decided that I never want to get married and I still feel this way and believe that I will always feel this way. I guess it does kind of reflect on my family because both my parents have been married multiple times but it isn't just because of that. It seems as if married means nothing anymore to most people (not all people, I know). So I don't know, people are always telling me that not all marriages end and that mine doesn't have to be all bad like my parents and I know that but I just dont see myself getting married. Does anyone else feel this is way or am I alone? Please don't tell me reason why marriage is so great and how if it's the right person it'll work because I've heard it all before. 17/f

    The Answer
    You aren't alone in not wanting to get married, but do yourself a favor dear and drop the word never out of your vocabulary. Never is a very long time and people respond strongly to the word.

    This marriage argument you are having with people is pointless, avoid it. Simply changing your language and telling people "Marriage doesn't interest me" rather then "I will never get married!" will stop many people from arguing with you about it. You aren’t alone in feeling like marriage isn’t an arrangement that will work for you, just make sure you recognize that that is what marriage basically is, the title of an arrangement between people and there are many different kinds of arrangements that people call marriage. Don’t get too hung up on a title that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    This is probably going to be very long, so thanks in advance for reading all the way through it. I'm 22, my Mom and Dad are both 42. My mother has always been the sensible, more mature, (sometimes overbearing) one, while my Dad has basically never grown up. They divorced when I was 5, and have both since remarried twice. My dad just got re-married tonight actually. To a 35 year old woman named Carla.
    More background: my Dad has been partying since he was 15, its why his first two marriages didn't work out. He's an alcoholic (not the abusive to anyone else kind, but the kind who drinks maybe 40-45 beers a day and really depends on it to manage his mood, stress, etc.- its sad) and still has the same old buddies he grew up with who are drunks as well. He's not completely pathetic, he's held a good job for 25 years, never puts anyone in danger, and never drank around me until I was 19.
    After him letting me down again and again and not talking to him for sometimes months at a time, I chose to just accept him for what he is, I love him, and want him to be a part of my life. He's my dad.
    Carla is really sweet and fun. She acts young for her age, which can be annoying but, we all have a good time together.They just moved into a house out in the sticks which I thought would be a great place to have my Annual Halloween party (its the biggest party I throw), I don't have anywhere else to have it this year. My Dad, Carla and my Dad's old buddy Leroy want to be there and party with us. I feel weird and guilty about the idea. Because I actually think that my friends and my Dad and Carla, all of us would have a blast. Even Leroy's a great time. But, I mean, we've been out to dinner and had drinks before, but I've never partied with them. Do some kids do this? Or is it just weird and thats it? Is it just redneck? Or is every situation different with fathers and daughters?
    They're totally cool with as many people as I want to invite, we can get as wild as we want. They have a pool table and room to dance and I know Carla will love helping me get everything ready.
    I know he's not winning parenting awards here. I also know that I'm an adult, maybe I should just take advantage of it, I'm starting school in January and will have to buckle down, so. But then, maybe I'm encouraging him to drink and continue to party like he's young. I really do want him to quit drinking like he does. Am I being a hypocrite, or is it his problem? Like, I look at him as more of a friend than a father. He never really fathers me anymore. You know what I mean? What do you guys think? Help. I'm guilting myself to death. Thanks.

    The Answer
    I think, just to summarize this all, that the reason you are feeling guilty is because including your father in this party implies that you consent to his partying and drinking ways.

    So, are you okay with his partying and drinking? I know you don’t like it and that you recognize it as a problem in his life, but if you say you love him and accept his as he is, does that include the drinking?

    I’m not trying to judge anyone here dear, just trying to point out that his drinking, while it is definitely his problem, is only yours if you choose to make it. If you feel your love for your father demands that you discourage this behavior, then yeah, partying with his is not just a good idea. Partying with him sends him the message that you accept him completely and that his shorting comings and drinking are a-okay with you.

    Now if you do accept these things as just part of you who your father is, then you have no reason to feel bad. You are not responsible in the slightest way for his drinking. He doesn't need any encouragement to party and you aren't enabling him in his drinking either. He is a bloody adult, his choices are his own.

    So the only real issue here is how you feel. If you feel that what your Dad is doing, although it’s not great, is okay, then go ahead and have your party and know that you are sending you Dad the clear message that you consent to his behavior. However, if you think the way your Dad lives isn’t okay, that you don’t want it to continue and that you loose respect or love for him because of it, then you shouldn’t go ahead with the party and just tell him, that even though you love him and know he is an adult, you aren’t comfortable with the way or amount he parties and drinks and just can’t be okay with it.

    Either one is a totally valid choice. You don’t need to parent your father or try to fix him, you just need to be honest with yourself and him, about what you think is okay and what isn’t.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Which countries are presently allies with each other?


    doesn't say, and I don't know if this is a dumb question or not. I mean, I guess if countries are import and export partners they must have some sort of a alliance?

    The Answer
    I don't think being ‘allies’ with a country isn’t as straight forward as computer games or world war text books would have you believe. To my knowledge no county has an official list of allies where they cross off Norway’s name if they make a dumb joke. Politics is just more complicated then that.

    For example, Canada and the US trade over 2 billion dollars daily, but when the war in Iraq began Canada did not make the US list of ‘allies’ at first because it refused to send troops into Iraq, but that didn’t mean trade stopped. A whole bunch of other countries didn't offer unconditional support either, but trade with those countries didn't come to an end because no alliance had been breached.

    Agreements like NAFTA govern the way that countries trade goods with each other, but they aren’t exactly alliances. Each country just creates agreements with other countries, or groups of countries that are beneficial to them. These agreements can be called accords or contracts or charters or whatever fits, but they don’t make two countries allies through thick and thin.

    Although the word ally gets a lot of play now with the ‘War on Terror’ going on, my understanding is it’s more of a buzz word then an actual political term. I could be wrong admittedly. I tired to do some research for this question and didn’t find much to go on, but that is how I understand it.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Hi! I have an Associates Degree in Administrative Office Technology. I got the degree at a technical college! The classes I took included, but aren't limited to:

    -word processing
    -office procedures
    -principles of accounting 1 and 2
    -document processing

    Now I want to go back and get my Bachelor's Degree! What majors are there that I can transfer my Associate Degree classes to? (something having to do with office technology, word processing, etc.)

    The Answer
    Darling, you need to research more.

    I would seriously suggest first picking the schools or programs you are most interested in going to. THEN call those schools and figure out if and how many transfer credits you could get.

    What kind of credits you can get for your associates degree differs from school to school, even if the bachelor degrees all have the same words on them in the end.

    The general bachelor degree for students interested in business is Business Administration or Business Management but most universities offer specializations with in that like: Hospitality Management, Information Technology Management (that one sounds good right?) Retail Management and so and so forth.

    No matter what credits you already have, a bachelor degree is going to cost you thousands of dollars so for goodness sake make sure you like the school and the program first. Even if it means you need to take a few extra courses, make sure you get a good education, not just a piece of paper.

    As a place to start: Why not pick one program that you have heard good things about and call them and ask about credits? It doesnâ??t matter if you are really interested in that program or just so-so, you need to talk to them in person!The information for adult students is rarely just posted online because programs for people with previous education are rather individually tailored. Youâ??ll have to be a bit more proactive to get good, solid answers to your question about transfering credits.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm 14.
    To make a really long story shorter, my bff...Jane. Has an abusive boyfriend, also, she's only 13, which makes it even more weird. She's going out with a 15 year old.
    And she says I'm the only one she told.
    She says he doesn't like beat her up, he just hits her a lot..
    I never noticed, but recently she's been wearing long sleeves. Because she's actually BRUISED.

    But, Jane says she really has it under control, and doesn't want to break up with him because she apparently realllly likes him. And she says he likes her, but..

    I said if I were her I would break up with him.
    Then she said something like that I didn't know what love was, so I couldn't say that.
    I've never really been in this kind of situation before.
    Do I tell an adult?
    If you were me..what would you...do?
    ugh, I'm kind of confused.
    And I want to help my friend.

    The Answer
    Who hits a thirteen year old girl? A complete and total scum bag.

    Yes, you tell an adult and you tell one quickly.

    If you think you can convince your friend to tell someone, even go with her to help her do it, then that would certainly be better. But if you’ve tried and she just won’t tell an adult then it is time for you to do it for her.

    Do NOT wait for this to get any more serious. This is more serious then it ever should have gotten! There are no second chances here. No one should ever be given the chance to hit you or anyone you love a second time.

    Dear, you sound smart and I think you know the score here: You don't need to have drowned yourself to look at a grown man floundering in a 1/8 inch deep puddle and know that isn't drowning and you don't need have experienced love to look at your friends bruises and say that isn't love.

    Tell an adult you really trust, a teacher or counselor or a parent. That adult will probably speak to Jane's parents.

    If you want, they might not tell them that it is you that came forward with this information. You could certainly deny to your friend up and down having told anyone what she told you. That would not be the best thing to do, but I for one wouldn't hold it against you.

    Your friend will probably understand why you told, even if she angry at first. In the end I'd bet she'll be grateful.

    But honestly dear, even if you loose this friendship over telling, you need to tell an adult. If you love your friend that love demands you help her. It sounds like you know that telling an adult that can protect her is the only thing you can do that will truly help.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm 18 he's 21. We are thinking about getting married after 1 year together. He has a lot of sexual fantasies of being with other girls but says he can try to forget about having sex with more people and settle down. Is he REALLY ready for marrige?

    The Answer
    (Honey, are you?)

    Anyways, I would have to say no, I very much doubt that he is ready for marriage, emotionally, sexually, or in any practical sense either.

    Fantasies are fantasies. We all have a lot of them, hell, I have dozens. Some I'd love to fulfill, some I know I'm better off leaving as fantasies. But your boy is thinking about this the wrong way and that is what betrays the fact he is not ready to commit to you completely.

    He is thinking "I will give up my fantasies; I will try and forget because she wants me too." If he were ready for marriage it wouldn't be about trying to forget or settle down or give up anything, instead he would see what he was gaining in you and be thinking "I choose her above all others, which means I need to look into fulfilling all my sexual needs with this wonderful women I love."

    If you got married now he might resent you because he can't have sex with others and try to bully or guilt you into consenting to him fulfilling those 'needs' or he might simply cheat. He needs to recognize fidelity as his own choice, not just as sexual rules he has to follow. Until he can make that perspective switch, he aint ready.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Alright i am trying to download a new font to my computer. And when i do i save it and go to control panal and go to fonts and then click file and hit add new fonts but i look for it and i cannot find it!

    Itss driving me absolutely crazy! Please help?

    The Answer
    I'm not much for computers but if you are sure that you saved it in the correct folder I would double check that you have extracted the file. All fonts I've ever downloaded have been in zip files and need to be extracted before you can load them.

    Just my two cents.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I've decided, at age 23 to finally go to college. I'm extremely interested in philosophy and religous studies. Problem is, I don't know if the grades I made in high school were good enough to be accepted into the philosophy program. It seems like I read somewhere (which I can't find now on the site anywhere) that the professors took that into account. Do they? Or do they look at your core class grades? Does it matter if you took AP classes in high school? I did take AP English, but thats it.I've been putting off school for so long, and now that I've found something I'd like to study, I'm afraid I won't be accepted and that I'm setting myself up for a big dissappointment. Is there anything I can do to increase my chances of being accepted? Thanks!

    The Answer
    First and foremost, do your research.

    Don't sit around stressing about your chances before you know what the cut off grades where for the last year or two in your program of your choice. For all you know the program may not be in much demand and the cut off grades very low. Most school publish their cut off grades on their websites.

    Secondly if you find your grades aren't good enough you might try asking the school if you'd be better of applying as a mature student. Some schools will actually require you to apply as a mature student at your age and they will then not rely so heavily on your high school grades to make their decision but will ask you send in an essay and a résumé and such instead.

    Some schools weigh AP classes differently then normal classes. Some schools also weigh different high schools differently then others. Some just look at grades on the bottom line. You’ll have to ask the school about that.

    It might be a little late now, but if you find you don’t get in take some college classes and volunteer in the field you are trying to study in. Just upgrade yourself a bit and show some dedication and you’ll likely get in next time. Most universities like mature students, they tend to be more serious.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    My parents make me go to my grandparents house during the day, because they don't trust me in our house alone.
    Well, a few days ago I was reading this book that I have to read for school. I finished the book, and my grandmother asked if she could read it then give it back to me. And I said sure, and gave it to her.
    The thing is, I don't know what I was thinking, because the book has SO many cursewords and has sex (gasp) in it. And she's my grandmother...
    My mom went over to my grandparents house today just for a visit, and my grandmother said she finished the book, and was concerned about my school, for assigning a book like that. She said she was really surprised about all the cursewords and that I was reading it.

    I have to go to their house again all this week. And I am SO embarressed, you have no idea. I'm not sure what my exact question is, just, what do I do?

    Does anyone care to be my savior?

    The Answer
    Why do anything?

    I understand you feel a bit embaressed but you really have no need too. The book was assigned reading your grandma isn't going to blame you for anything in it, or hold you responsible at all, you were just being a good student.

    Sharing anything even the smallest bit sexual or graphic with relatives can be embaressing I know. But I think you are pretty safe to just avoid the topic of the book. If your grandmother asks you can just say "I had to read it" and just shrug it off as no big deal. It isn't a big deal.

    You don't have to share your feelings on the language or subject matter with her if you don't want too and if she starts steering the conversation that way just avoid it and talk about the parts of the book that were tamer.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    helloo i am 18 years old and when i first got my period i had no problem with cramps at all. I became sexually active at like 15 and i started getting them and now i get them to an unbearable extent like i cant even stand up and all i do is cry! The first day is the worst though. it sucks pretty bad and nothing works, not even the perscription my doctor gave me. I dont know if something is wrong. Do you think its because i am sexually active? Does anyone else have this problem and if so any solutions??

    The Answer
    Cramps have nothing to do with your sexual activity it's just the way your body is gonna be. (Actually a lot of women find sexual activity reduces the pain of cramps.)

    Nothing seems wrong to me and it sounds like you've already spoken to a doctor about this, if something has changed or it's gotten worse go back to a doctor and follow up on it.

    My roommate has really bad cramps on the first day and spends as much time as possible soaking in a warm tub or hot shower. Personally, I swear by Aleve for my cramps, it's just a stronger brand of Advil, but if you have a perscription that is probably the strongest it gets.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    well, i registered as a user to a penpal website, where you can meet people from other countries. it has been great so far! i have more penpals than i wanted, all from different places. i just started worrying today about one of my penpals... his name is emmanuel, and he is from ghana, africa. i have been talking to him over email for maybe 2-3 weeks. i sent him some pictures of america, like places i've visited and sometimes pictures of me and my friends. i do that with my other penpals and they usually send some pictures themselves.

    anyway, the most recent email he sent me (today) asked about a lot of personal information -- like what school i go to, he asked for a picture of my family, what my friends name is, he told me that he desperately wants me to visit him, and he even asked for my postal address. doesn't that sound a little fishy? i mean, i've asked some things about ghana and his culture, but not things like that. he told me in scattered emails that not many people in ghana speak english or even go to school, and i noticed that his english was rather good. i didn't ask him where he learned it from, assuming his mom/dad taught him.

    then today, for the heck of it, i typed his full name in on the internet and a few links came up. i went to this one site and it said that he was a 23 year old that stole 2-point-something million cedis (african $) in rice and in 1997. it also said that he was in prison for 3 years. i started worrying over this because of past experiences with meeting people over the internet.

    im not sure if i should email him anymore. what should i say to him if i do? what if his name is common in africa, like smith is a common last name in america?

    i havent responded to that email he sent me regarding those questions. what should i do?

    The Answer
    You should certainly not answer those questions. That is more then fishy, it's down right creepy.

    I will be perfectly honest with you, although I would give him the benefit of the doubt and not accuse him of being a convict, if I where feelings as uncomfortable as you clearly are I would simply cut off contact with him and stop e-mailing. That is always an option if you aren't feeling safe communicating with him anymore.

    If you do want to reply I'd just send him something like "I'm sorry. I don't give away those kind of details online." and then go on and talk about something else. Don't let there be any ifs ands or buts about it. Don't say "I don't give them to strangers" or "I don't know you well enough" make sure to say that you just do not do it, so he understands there is no chance he will get that kind of information out of you. If he persists or complains, I think you might want to stop writing to him.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Hi, I'm in theatre and I have an audition coming up in August for a Shakespeare play that my school is putting on. Our director is really strict and wants everything to be authentic, so for the part I need to learn a "Queen's English" accent. I tried watching a bunch of movies but whenever I actually try, it never sounds right. So I was wondering if anybody knew of any ways I could learn without having to hire a coach.

    The Answer
    Certainly the best way by far would be to speak to your drama teacher, or really any drama teacher at your school. Nearly no one gets a degree in theatre without being forced through a few classes on speech and accents. If nothing else, a drama teacher might have a book or some other resources to loan to you.

    You can also check out: http://www.renfaire.com/Language/

    It's a resource for people involved in renaissance fairs, but it might help you a good deal. If you can get your hands on it there is also a very good book written for renaissance re-enactors called The Bard's English.

    Break a leg.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    If you think you are pregnant .. when do you take a pregnancy test? In corralation to your period.

    The Answer
    Most pregnancy tests you buy at the pharmacy claim to give accurate results 3 to 7 days after the first day of your missed period.

    The box will probably say right on it when the test becomes accurate, but nearly none of them will be accurate until your period is actually late.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    My band recently played a gig at a bar - we were there for four hours and were promised a minimum of $200.

    Some friends of the band were there, and they got into a fight (verbal) with the bartender, he got angry and kicked them out. Then waited for us to finish the song we were on, and he turned on the jukebox.

    We packed up our things and as we were packing up the last of it, one of the people that was kicked out, came back in to see if we needed any help with anything. The bartender started screaming at her, telling her to get out, when she started explaining herself (and to be fair, no one was acting really rationally at the time - except for maybe the band.) the bartender kept telling her to get out, and eventually grabbed her and tried to push her out. A guy with us got in the bartenders face about it - saying he shouldn't be pushing her around - and yeah. One of our band members broke it up and got the people to leave.

    After we got what we believed was all of our things, the band member which got us the gig went in to get the money. We heard the bartender start yelling at him - and it sounded like it was getting very heated - so myself and the other member went in to make sure we had all of our things, since it didn't seem likely that we'd be able to return anymore. As soon as we stepped in the door, he yelled at us and told us to get out. I left right away but the other guy kept going in, eventually all of the band members came out - but we recieved no money for our gig.

    When we went there, one person gave the bartender his credit card to start a tab on - and he intended to pay it with the money that he recieved from the gig. We believe that he still may have charged the credit card for the drinks - so we really want our money so we're not in the hole for all of the drinks that were had.

    What i'm wondering - is there any form of action that we can take (We're going to talk to the owner again tomorrow and try to settle it when everyone has calmed down) to get our money? Or at the very least to have the credit card bill dropped?

    The Answer
    I hope your talks went a bit better in the morning after people had cooled down.

    If he did charge the credit card and refuses to pay you go ahead and file a claim against him in small claims court. You might not win because you have no contract, but most states recognize the validity of a verbal contract when a service is rendered and then, if he denies agreeing to pay you, it comes down to the judge's belief on what the verbal agreement was and on the correct price for the service rendered.

    But if he didn't charge the credit card, I would just let it slide, call it a breakeven situation and move on with your lives (and maybe learn from this experience and don't invite dumb people to your gigs. People who get into fights with bartenders, no mater how surly, and then come back to said bar, no matter what the reason, are not really smart people or particularly good friends, they got you all into a heap of needless trouble. I hope you call on their lousy behavior, the bartender might not have been in the right, but that doesn't make their choices any more sensible.)
    (View All Other Answers.)

eXTReMe Tracker