Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

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    The Question
    what does it mean if you are giving head and it takes like less than 2 minutes to cum?

    The Answer
    Ask him what he thinks it means and if he found it satisfying.

    Or just accept that he was really enjoying himself and be pleased with your efforts.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    19/F

    I feel like a total dim whit asking this but.
    What is the diffrence between oral and vaginal sex??? thanks

    The Answer
    Not a stupid question at all. It's shocking how many people, even at your age, have no clue what these words mean, and no interest in learning.

    Oral sex is the sexual stimulation of the genitals (male or female) with the mouth.

    Vaginal sex is just the standard sexual intercourse between a man and women, penis in the vagina.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    okay im going out with this guy names josh. well he's went to rehab and everything and is all cleaned up from smoking weed. well recently he started smoking again. and he gets drug tests every wednesday. and he said hes gonna have his brother pee in the cup for him. but if he gets caught i dont want him to go back to rehab or get locked up again. i made him promise me that he wouldnt smoke again but then he smoked yesterday and i found out about it. he says hes been trying but its rly hard to say no cause its around him all the time with his friends. everytime i call him and he doesnt answer i know hes smoking and i just get so mad. i know its mostly his friend scotts fault. scott is always smoking no matter what time it is or anything. and i know scott is pressuring josh. when im with josh he says that he doesnt feel the need to smoke. and i want to help him. i already told him that whenever he feels the need just to come see me but he never does. i dont know what to do. i know schools coming up in a couple days. and it will be easier to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt smoke. i really care for him and i dont want him to go back to rehab.. what should i do?

    The Answer
    You should do nothing, except think about whether you want to still be with this guy or not.

    You can't make him stop. You've done your very best to try and help him, you've been there for him in everyway, but you can make him accept your help. At some point you'll just have to accept that he isn't that serious about quitting. He is choosing to continue smoking; he is choosing the run the risk of going back to rehab. His friends being smokers is a really lame excuse. They don't control him anymore then you do. He is choosing the pot.

    Of course you don't want him to go back to rehab! You care about him! You want the best for him! That's understandable and good of you, but he doesn't seem to want the best for himself, so your hands are tied.

    Love him all you can, stalk his every moment in school to keep him safe if you really want too, but he will smoke anyways. He has made it pretty clear that he has no interest in changing his lifestyle, even if it means going back to rehab, even if it means hurting your relationship. If he decides to change, he might change, but until he makes that choice, nothing you do will have any effect.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Can you get pregnat if a guy doesnt insert his penis in your anis and you never had sex vaginal sex before but he had his penis like really near your anis and it was really close to going in?

    The Answer
    Sex is NEVER completely safe, though it is very unlikely that you could get pregnant from what you are describing.

    Basic Rule: If pre-cum or cum come into contact with your vaginal fluids you have a risk of getting pregnant, whether you are a virgin or not. So just don't be stupid about it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    This is for girls. I want an honest answer; is penis size an important factor in relationships and does it matter?

    The Answer
    In total honesty:

    Too big or too small can cause issues, but never any issues you can't work out.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My boyfriend and I have cyber sex. Is it possible to pour out our sexual feelings online through a computer and not getting totally horny around each other? I mean, we want to stay virgins until we're married. So is cyber sex helping us with the temptation, or making it worse? Is it ok to have cyber sex or is it immoral and wrong? What would my parents think? I'm afraid they won't understand if they find out... Thanks for the advice!

    The Answer
    I don't see anything immoral about cyber sex, but it certainly does have its problems.

    For some people I suppose it might decrease the temptations, but I would think for most it would only increase them. Cyber sex is giving you a sexual vocabulary of actions and words that pump your own fantasies, gives them more substance and basically function as dress rehearsals. In my experience that only increases sexual interest, never decreases it, and in essence, you aren't really staying 'pure' for marriage, you are engaging in sexual contact with another person, it just happens not to be physical.

    Secondly, cyber sex is a fantasy. Nothing ever gets stuck in cyber sex, nothing hurts, and no one ever falls off the couch. In reality those things do happen. Too much fantasy can make reality disappointing and difficult to adjust too. People with pornography addictions can have that problem. I'm sure it happens to those who regularly engage in cyber sex too.

    Your parents will be unhappy and wont like it if they find out. I'm sure you know that. Cyber sex wasn't around for their generation so they don't understand it, and of course parents simply don't want to be confronted with their child's sex life. So if you are going to keep doing it, do your best to keep it a secret.

    I don't see anything wrong with cyber sex, so by all means if you want to keep doing it! But I don't think your logic here is very sound. You need to recognize what it is you are actually doing: It is sexual contact. It is sexualizing your relationship. And of course your parents wouldn't be happy with it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm a 17 year old male and I've been seeing this girl (20 female) for a while, and she's really cool. She's really easy to talk to and I just generally enjoy being with her. We had a conversation about smoking and drinking (both of which I am vehemently opposed to) and she told me that she never smokes OR drinks, which was a huge part of my attraction to her.

    I found out though, through her telling me, that she was at a party and had a few drinks, and smoked a couple of cigarettes... Now I don't know what to say, because I want to tell her how I feel about that (I don't associate myself with people that don't respect themselves enough to avoid things like this) but we're not really going steady or anything like that, so would it be weird for me to express my feelings towards a subject, or is it not my place?

    The Answer
    By all means talk to her about it.

    However, you are not her keeper or her judge. It's not your place to berate her for choices. Many decent, respectful, kind people have a drink now and again, or smoke cigarettes. So you have no right to insult her or try to punish her for that.

    But you can and certainly should express your confusion over what you heard, and ask her to elaborate on her feelings and actions, since you thought you understood. You might find you just aren't as compatible as you thought you were.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have this unusual irregular period. It's not those "I haven't started in 3 months" or "my period is always giving me worse cramps".

    My situation is that my period is extremely light. So light it rarely ever discharges. And when it does only a few spots are present and that is it for the day. Then starts up sometime the next day. And like everyday after a few spots are present it stops for the rest of the day. And sometimes this brown substance appears and I have no idea what it is.



    My usual period is heavy, and lasts 6 days. I've been on it for 6 years. It's usually regular but sometimes can be irregular.

    What's the problem and/or what can I do to fix it?

    Thanks in advance.

    The Answer
    I'm not sure from your question if you have experiencing extremely light periods, spotting or both so bear with me.

    Spotting is perfectly normal, even as a regular occurrence
    A light period is also nothing to panic over: what it most likely means is your body didn't ovulate that month.

    You might not ovulate because of poor diet, stress, or lots of physical activity. You also might just have a lazy ovary. No biggie.

    However, light periods could also be a symptom of something like an infection, a cyst or a polyp in your vagina, cervix or uterus and should be investigated by a doctor. As long as you aren't experiencing any pain, there is no need to rush to a doctor, but it is definitely something to bring up on your next visit.

    But I can't know for sure, if this is really nagging at you, see a doctor. If you are experiencing any abnormal pain, see a doctor right away.

    Oh, and I almost forgot. Brown or even blackish discharge is no reason to freak out. Blood turns brown and then black as it gets older and dies. All brown discharge means is that blood has been inside you longer then the freash stuff. So it makes perfect sense to have some brown discharge at the end of any period, light or heavy.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ok this may sound weird but my penis is bent like crooked in the middle. not a lot but i notice it. its like off to the left side and its been like this a while and its very obvious when i get hard. is this bad?? will it make it harder or painful to have sex??

    help please?! thx!

    The Answer
    It's perfectly normal, it will neither hurt to have sex nor be bad in anyway.

    From a female perspective, I have had no complaints about anyone I've been with who was less then perfectly straight (at least no complaints that had to do with their penis).

    Although if the girl you choose to be with doesn't know they can be curved you might just need to politely inform her it's natural. No need to be insecure about it. Some people just aren't aware.

    Someone in your life (and I'm soooo glad no columnist has suggested this) might say to you that a bent penis is caused by too much masturbation. That person should be laughed at and then promptly ignored. It absolutely is not caused by masturbation. It's the way that the muscles, fascia and skin develop from birth to puberty that shapes the penis, not anything you do to it.

    If you are really worried about it, talk to a doctor of course, but unless the bend is really severe, it should never cause you any trouble.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hello
    :]
    I am dyeing my hair tommorow with
    Loreal color rays and I wanted to know if anyone has used this dye. My main concern is that i dont want my hair to become really dry and damaged and burned up and i wanted to know if this product can really ruinhair. I also wanted to know if anyone had good results with this dye.
    well thanks for you help bye.

    The Answer
    I've used most of the brands of dye out there and Loreal is by far my favorite and most trusted.

    Some people's hair takes colour better then others, but by and large, if you just use the dye correctly and use a decent conditioner for coloured hair, you'll hair will be just fine. With colour rays, you aren't even bleaching it, so I wouldn't worry.

    Of course, for the best possible treatment for your hair, go to a salon, but personally, I never bother. I haven't used colour rays, but I've always been happy with Loreal products so you can relax. If you are really worried, do a stand test with just a few strands of hair deep in the back and see how it will look.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    is fingering yourself bad? i finger myself everyday and more then once a day. is it bad to do it so much?

    The Answer
    As long as you aren't in pain or letting it interfere with the rest of your life then there is nothing wrong with it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    well theres this boy i like and my best friend knew him before me but never talked to him or anything. she said he was ugly but after i said he was cute and that i liked him she said it to and she starts flirting with him and kissin him on the cheek when im standing right there. He wants us to blow him but take turns. Have one of us blow him while the other one makes out with him then switch. my {best} friend is all like "ya lets do it sexy" and stuff like that and im soo freakin mad cuz she knew i liked him alot!! i told her about this and she just said that im makin a big deal out of nothing and that hes mine. what do you guys think am i overreacting or should i be mad? i mean would you want your best friend making out and givin bj's to the boy you like?

    The Answer
    Yeah, I'd be a little ticked off if my friend put moves on a guy I liked and agreed to do something sexual with him. I might not hate her for it, but I would certainly remember that about her and keep my crushes to myself next time.

    However, in this case I would thank her for proving that the guy I liked was mindless sex fiend who wasn’t really interested in me or my friend but just wanted to get a cheep sexual thrill with anybody who came along.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Dude, alright i live in missouri and I went to a walgreens to purchase some condoms and i am 15. so i was at the check out and the lady said "i'm not going to sell these to you" and i said "uhm lady why not?" and she said "you are too young to be having sex and im not gunna sell these to you" then she put it in the bag to be put back on the shelf...so yah is that legal? (she lectured me for about a 1/2 hr on the subject so please dont lecture me as well

    p.s. i rate for good answers

    The Answer
    Well it's not technically illegal.

    A retail store has the right to refuse service as long as it doesn't go against the Human Rights laws. You could argue that she discriminated against you because of your age, and although that is exactly true, it couldn't be held up in court, because age discrimination isn't a viable complaint when dealing with services that are generally available to public like retail services. The reason age discrimination doesn’t count in this situation was because if it did, stores might be forced to sell cigarettes to underage people, or not be allowed to offer a seniors discount. I know it sounds a little fishy, but trust me on this one; you’d never be able to hold this up in a legal forum as age discrimination. Even though that is what happened, it just doesn’t quite fit the legal definition.

    HOWEVER! It is terrible business practice, and probably against company policy. So write the lady’s manager. What she did was very inappropriate, if no one under eighteen ever purchased condoms at that store again, they would take a serious hit. Write the manager and focus on how rude and insulting she was, and how you do not plan on patronizing their store again and will tell others about your awful experience. If you get no response from the manager of the store, write head office, call a customer complaint line. Unless they are trying to go out of business, they won’t be anymore impressed with that cashier then you were.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I used to work at Walmart, until yesterday when I got fired for stealing $50 out of the cash register, to buy a present for my boyfriend for his birthday.

    I loved my job more then anything, like it didn't even feel like a job, just because I had so many friends there, and going there was actually fun. I have to pay them back the money & stuff, so I'm not worried about anything happening, because we've already discussed it.

    But it's really hard to get over. My parents are so disapointed in me, because my mom told me when I started the job, "Never to steal, you'll ALWAYS get caught." Obviously I didn't listen to her advice, but I just don't know what to say to them anymore, I know it's going to take time. But what can I do to gain their trust back? I get good grades in school, I'm always doing good things for other people, this just happened to be something bad that occured and I got caught.

    Please help, I'd really appreciate it.
    16/female.

    Thanks.

    The Answer
    I’m sorry dear but you are going to have a very hard time earning back their trust if you think this was just ‘something bad that occurred and you got caught.’

    That would describe skipping a class or taking your mom’s earrings without asking.

    What happened here was a completely and totally wrong decision that you followed through with an immoral and illegal action.

    If you talk to your parents using the language you used in your question and talking about the theft like it was no big deal and like it was just a rough thing that happened to you are going to have a really hard time earning their trust back. You might not actually feel that way, but that is the impression that your words are giving.

    Wand to prove to your parents you are trustworthy? Treat this with the seriousness you should and recognize this wasn’t just something unfortunate that happened to you, but something very wrong that you did, that you choose to do. Understand that, and then apologize and express that to them.

    Your parents want you to learn from this, they would probably like to know you feel the proper amount of remorse and shame over the whole thing, not just getting caught, but the fact you even did it in the first place! The way you talking about it sounds like all you learned was that it sucks to get caught. If your parents have that impression too, it will take a very long time to gain their trust back.

    Other then that, simply never do that, or anything like it, again. Your parents might punish you pretty severely for this, but with a bit of time, they’ll be able to trust you again.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ok i have a lot of discharge, i have not started my period yet either. i live with my dad so its really hard to bring up the subject. i can't have a aunt, a friend, or a cousin take me either. i need pantyliners but i dont know how to get them without my dad knowing. what should i do???
    plz help me, A.S.A.P.

    The Answer
    If you really can't go to another family member or friend you can buy them yourself and hide them, you can borrow them from a friend, or you can explain to your father that you need them.

    Those are pretty much your only options and there are problems with them all:

    The problem with buying them yourself is that they are kind of pricey, and sooner or later, your father will figure it out but until he does you will live in pointless anxiety and fear as you try to hide it from him.

    If you borrow from a friend, again, they are sort of pricey and they won’t supply you forever.

    Lastly, if you tell your father, yes you'll be embarrassed and he will be too probably. But it will be done, it will be out there, and when your period does start you won’t have to go through all this nonsense all over again, you won’t spend months or years worrying and hiding this basic fact of life from him.

    I know it's embarrassing. It shouldn't be, because it's totally natural, but I know it is anyways. The thing is that if you don't get over it now you'll only prolong your torture, but if you do just talk to your father now, it will be over with, and you wont have to worry about getting pads or panty liners every again. It's not like he going to refuse to get them for you, he’ll understand that women need them.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I curentally live with my boyfriend and his great family. Everything is great except I wonder one thing, he is 19 years old and anytime we go anywhere he mom calls to see where we are and when we are going to be home, he also cant go a day without talking to her, and can never stand up for himself when she says no. She also calls him habebe whichs means "my baby", and she says she dosent like it when he is out late. I understand she is worried but he is 19 years old and I thought at 19 they would be a man. Mabye I am wrong but I was thinking of marring this guy because he is the love of my life but I dont wanna marry someone who is attached to there mother and can never grow up and be a man. Mabye its just me But i would really love any advice anyone can give me! Thank yOU!!

    The Answer
    A nineteen year old who lives at home is not a man. Very few nineteen year olds are men yet, no matter where they live.

    I am twenty-one and when I stay at home or live there for a month or two, I call my mother so she knows where I will be and when I will be back. I speak to her everyday and I back down when she says no, because it's her house, I'm just adult who lives in it happily rent free. The house is hers, so the rules are hers.

    If anything, being nineteen in your parents home doesn't mean you have more freedom, it means you have more responsibility and higher expectations. Your boyfriend's mother clearly expects your boyfriend to be a responsible young adult who lives at home and therefore is required to be considerate to those he lives with and obedient to those who support him. Sure, a nineteen year old should be able to go a day or two with speaking to their mother, but if you live with her that might just not happen.

    Would you rather marry a man who is rude to his mother? Feels no need to call when he will be out late? Doesn't care what other people's opinion is?

    If anything, take a clue from your boyfriend's behavior. He is the perfect person to live with, considerate, responsible and understanding of his position in the household.

    So my advice: It's just you. You shouldn't be in rush to get married anyways, so give your boyfriend time to grow up into a man. Sounds to me like he is well on his way to becoming a pretty good one.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i have a vaginal yeast infection, and i was just wondering if it was ok that my boyfriend fingered me even though im on a presciption to get rid of it

    The Answer
    As long as you weren't uncomfortable or in pain, it should be fine.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    16/f
    is it possible to be a "whore/slut" and still be a good kid?
    okay. i seriously think i have a problem...like i do not know when to say no. If i get asked to do something or anything of that nature i just dont know how to say no. I'll just do what ever he asks.

    and i know its not true, but i feel like all the guys i like and spend time with and get to know will stop liking me if i dont do something for them...
    how do i shake this image??
    thanks.

    The Answer
    It is certainly possible to have an enjoyable sex life and still be a good person (not a kid, a kid shouldn't be having sex) but being a 'whore', that word only means badness. There is no good way to call someone a whore.

    It takes only a few mistakes to get an image, it could take ages to shake it, and the only way to shake an image, is to stop conforming to it.

    Stop dating guys you are only sort of interested in. Stop doing anything they would like. Stop letting your sex life become gossip around school. Stop giving in to your every sexual urge.

    OR Develop a thicker skin and ignore what people say about you.

    Those are really your only two options for happiness. You can change the choices you aren't happy with, or you can be happy with your choices and ignore what others think.

    You are in complete control here and you are the only person who can make your choices when it comes to sex. If you decide to stop, then stop. I don't have any tricks for you there, when the moment comes, you just need to make the choice that is going to make you happiest, not just in the moment, but over all.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i herd somewhere that if a guy does you from the back you cant get pregnet.is that true? and if it is does that meen your still a virgin. alot of people on adviceators say having sex is inserting the penis into the vagina so is it not considered sex if he inserts it in the back? thanx to all that answer!

    The Answer
    If you are talking about anal sex (which I can only assume you are talking about from your play-ground variety vernaculars) then, no, you can indeed get pregnant that way. That hole is desinged for things to come out, not stay in, so obviously sperm leaks, and if it comes in contact with vaginal fluids you can certainly get pregnant. It's less likely then unprotected vaginal sex, but it is definitely quite possible. Use a condom.

    Yes, I suppose if you had anal sex you would still *technically* be considered a virgin. You certainly wouldn't be a very innocent one. Anal sex is considered a rather serious sexual act and carries the stigma of being a rather kinky out there sort of thing for a girl to be into.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    For the past 2 years I have gotten really close with this guy who is A LOT older than me. He's 36 and Im 14/f But latley we've gotten really close. Like were dating? I don't know. its not like he's a pervert or anything. But I've i guess fallen in love with me. We're both musicians and we share an amazing passion together. I can stop it whenever I want to , but i can't. I guess you can't help who you fall in love with. The thing is that no one knows about it and hes married! So im really confused. but if i tell my mom or anyone there goes my lessons with him and band and everything ive worked for. and i love him. what should i do and is this okay that were together?

    The Answer
    No. It's not okay.

    Even if the age difference wasn't there: He is married. Also it sounds like he might be a teacher of yours, which makes it even more immoral, and then there is the fact you feel you have to keep it a secret. Ignore the age difference for a second; all of those other things I just listed equal an impossible and terrible situation.

    But you didn't need to ask that question dear, you already know it's not okay.

    So how about figuring out what this not okay thing you two are doing is? Define 'seeing each other' and define 'dating'. What is it you are doing together exactly?

    Crushes are fine and fantasies are great! It's okay for you to have these feelings for him. What isn't okay is getting your feelings and reality mixed up. Take a good look at what he says and does around you or even talk to him about his feelings for you. That might help you sort out what is happening here. Either realize he isn't interested in you that way OR figure out for sure that he is a rather scummy person who thinks it's okay to use his position to flirt with you and cheat on his wife.

    Either way, you need get over these feelings. If he is interested in you in an improper way (although I have to be honest dear, I very much doubt it) you should tell somebody, because he could hurt you, and his family, and other young girls too.

    I promise you dear, if a thirty something year old wants to cheat on his wife with a fourteen year old, not only is he a deeply disturbed and self-centered person, he is not the kind of person who will only cheat once. There would, and maybe already have been, others. Don't break your heart over him. If something that isn't okay is going on, tell an adult you trust. You'll be saving your own heart and many others as well.
    (View All Other Answers.)



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