Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)


My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    Ok! Me and My boyfriend Logan both are really jealous, and greedy people. So, one day he gets mad at me for going over to my friend Dougs house, so we get into an argument, and I bring up the time he went to his friends house, who he happened to have asked out last year, and he got mad at me saying it's not the same, so we both agreed that he would avoid Brittany if I avoided every guy I knew. But, he took it back today, and said he wanted to be her friend again. So I said I wanted to go to Dougs birthday, and he got mad at me, and said that I was being selfish.

    So, basicaly...

    Am I being selfish, or do I have the right to be mad? Because, if I have the right to be mad, I don't want to back off, I want to keep arguing until he comes to realize that maybe he screwed up, but if I am just being selfish, I want to appologize so everything will be better again.

    The Answer
    You both screwed up hun!

    This stupid game is going to end your relationship. Either you two can agree to trust each other or you can't.

    If you can't trust each other to even talk to the opposite sex then why the hell are you together? Just to torture one another?

    For a split second stop worrying about whether you are right or not and start thinking about whether this argument is going to do you any good at all.

    I promise you, it's not. Even if you are perfectly right to be mad and perfectly right to go to your friends party but refuse to allow your boyfriend to have a friendship with then girl, you are still going to end up perfectly right and perfectly single if you keep behaving the way you are.

    You are being selfish, just not in the way you think. You are being selfish because you making being right, more important then being in the relationship.

    Here is the simple, easy, mature way to deal with this:

    "Hey boyfriend, Doug is my friend and I'm going to his party. Deal with it or dump me. Similarly, you can be friends with Brittany if you want to be, but if you cheat on me I will dump your ass so fast your head will spin. I'll tell everyone you are rubbish in bed too..."

    That is the solution that will make everything better.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question

    In the last few months my perfect eyesight has disappeared.

    I am 48 and my eye doctor has been warning me that I would just wake up one morning and be unable to read. So while it was a bit of a shock when it happened, it wasn't unexpected.

    Now, I have to wear reading glasses to do almost everything. Not a problem with most things but when I tried to put on makeup the other day....oh what a problem!

    So, what I want to know is do any of you girls, and guys to if you know! Have any tips for me?

    Do I just try to put it on with the glasses on? I don't want to look like one of those old ladies with 2 tons of makeup drawn all over their faces!

    Thanks for helping!


    The Answer
    The magnifying mirror idea is bang on, but as a girl who has had glasses since she was a toddler I think I’ve got a few more tricks for you.

    One of the best in my opinion is simply to slide your glasses down your nose and then tilt your chin up until you can see your eyes clearly. This should leave a good inch to fit whichever tool you are using in over your glasses (you normally have to clean your glasses after this) but for eye shadow this is probably the best approach.

    For eye liner, it is really just practice and patience. Sliding the glasses down the nose can work, but it’s more trouble then its worth in my opinion. I don’t bother with eye liner in my daily make-up anyways as I have rather thick frames and it makes my eyes too dark. Normally I just apply a thin bit of darker shadow right above my eye to give it some deepth.

    Mascara is the easiest one to fix. Remove your glasses and instead of applying the mascara by moving your hands, bring the brush as close to your eye lid as possible and then flutter your lids, brushing the hairs against the mascara brush. It will seem a bit time consuming as you get used to it, but after a while it will work just as well as moving your hand did.

    Hope that all is helpful to you.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ever since break-up, my ex began to follow me wherever I go. He tries to get the information of everyone I associate with. Most outrageously, he hacked my e-mailbox, and intended to hack my laptop. WHAT THE HELL! I try every way to push him away but he's still clinging me like a dirty stupid parasite. I feel my whole life is monitored by him and that I have no privacy at all. Everything I do is watched by this sick bastard. How can I get rid of him?

    The Answer
    You call the cops and tell them just what you told us.

    If you are a teen you tell your parents, your school principal or guidance counselor, anyone who is able to help. You listen to thier adivce about how to deal with him, but they will likely take steps to make sure he stops this inapropraite behavoir.

    This isn't something you need to deal with on your own anymore. He crossed the line when he invaded your privacy. Get some adults involved.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    sorry if it's a little long, but i'm freaking out

    ok so the other day me and my bf were supposed to go on a date *it was our 3month*, but he didn't pick me up...instead he called me from where he was and was like "yeah i'm here" so i'm thinking "ok am i supposed to drive MYSELF to my own date? whats next...i pay too? i mean come on" so i was going to *though i wasn't too happy* and my family and friends were mad that he was to lazy to come get me. so my older, very strong brother *who my bf is intimidated by* called him up and basically told him he needs to treat me right and that since i'm his gf he should have the courtesy to pick me up and that if he treats me like garbage, there's gunna be a problem. and i was upset at both him and my brother and since then, my bf hasn't called or tried to get in contact with me. i've texted him but he's been short with me or just doesn't respond and i called him today and he was with his best friend so i said "ok well do you wanna call me back when you get home" and he was like "yeah i guess?" which just about made me cry *i've been all emotional this weekend*. is my bf really that mad at ME even though it was something HE did...or rather DIDN'T do?? does he just need time to cool off? i'm determined to not let something so stupid break us up, but idk if he'll realize how dumb this is and will just end things. i feel stupid for asking this, but i really care about him and don't want to lose him over something so small, and i really need some advice.

    The Answer
    You were the one who blew this out of proportion and you owe him an apology.

    He made a mistake, a small, innocent mistake, because he didn't understand your expectation. Boyfriends are not mind readers! Being angry with him for that is like kicking a puppy for a chewing your shoes. The puppy didn't know any better so don't leave your shoes lying around.

    Can you be annoyed? Yeah sure. Can you calmly say to him "Hey Hun, I thought you'd pick me up!" and then jokingly tease and embaress him a bit over it for weeks? Of course you can! But if you want him to realize this is no big deal, you better realize that this is no big deal and apologize to him for acting like it was. In future, when you make plans with him, you should clarify things like who is driving.

    You can end this dumb fight by apologizing to him for over-reacting and for allowing your brother to bully and threaten him. But if were your boyfriend, I wouldn't take you back without some serious promises that you wouldn't let such a stupid little thing drive you to hysterics again.

    He was a bit rude to you, but he didn't mean to be, and you deliberately treated him like shit when you didn't simply forgive him his innocent error, but get your family involved instead and allowed your brother to behave that way! That was incredibly immature honey and a very poor decision. I wouldn't want to date someone who did that to me. Chilvary isn't just something guys do for girls, it's about respect and it has to go both ways!

    So if you really do care about this guy, show some compassion and apologize for your poor handling of the situation. His mistake didn't warrant what he has been put through.

    EDIT: Darling, you are right. I was too harsh on you. But here is why: I can't believe for a second, that your bother responding like that if all you said was "Hey can I borrow the car?" and you mentioned 'friends and family’. I mean did you tell the whole neighborhood how your boyfriend fucked up?

    Being a mature relationship requires taking responsibility, for the things you say to people that drive them to believe he is such a scum bag, and sometimes even for your own family. For instance, my big brother might make the mistake of doing something like that a boyfriend of mine: That's why he doesn't know his phone number or home address. My brother is a hot head, but that doesn’t mean my boyfriend should get abused each time I express displeasure with him.

    Take some responsibility for things that are under your control, and the impression you give others around you and your maybe your guy will get a clue about responsibility and respect as well.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Do you guys know any books that includes the topic of homosexuality...like a made up one not one that explains about homosexuality..like the book Keeping You A Secret

    Could you list the book title and the author? Thanks

    The Answer
    Jeanette Winterson's autobiographical novel (meta-fiction technically), Oranges are Not the Only Fruit. Absolutely amazing book, a very lyrical style of writing. One of my all time favorites.

    http://www.jeanettewinterson.com/pages/content/index.asp?PageID=50
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    So, my eyeliner now [covergirl] has been looking bad lately. I'll put it on, and it will be crusty a couple hours later. Anyone know a eyeliner that goes on smooth and looks nice?

    Let me know


    Thanks

    The Answer
    Honestly hun, your eyeliner has probably just gone stale. Make-up often doesn't last as long as it takes for someone to use it. If you found it used to look nice, it's probably just time to replace it.

    Anyways, for eye-liner, I swear by Annabelle by KOHL. Very smooth, very long lasting, very vibrant.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ok i've been trying to cut back for the past 2 weeks. i wouldn't really say it was an actual DIET per say, but i guess it is. for breakfast i've been having a bowl of special k & for lunch i've been having a mix of things. usually gram crackers carrots dole peaches apple/apple sauce & yoplay yogurt. i mix those things up each day. i have a bottle of water with it also. for dinner, i try cutting back. i eat whatever my parents make, because i don't want to waste food. so lets say they make steak & potatos. i'll have a small piece of steak and 1 sweet potato. stuff like that. even if they have bbq and fries. ill take the bbq without the roll and a few fries. i've cut out my snacks & have not aten past 7 pm. also, i'm on an ankle injury so i can't play sports. i've been running/walking/jogging about 30 minutes 5 days a week. will this do it!? or will i have to work harder. also, how do i avoid talking about it at lunch. we sit at 1 big table & they always make comments like "oh yeah shes dieting again". it really bothers me because i don't want anyone to talk about it. also-i am a female [obviously] im 5'9 & i weigh around 140. am i being ridiculous?? i just want to lose stomach weight. any help is appreciated.

    thanks!!

    The Answer
    I normally refuse to answer weight questions, but here is the honest truth as I see it:

    You are eating too little to sustain your body. Not drastically too little, but definitely not enough to keep you healthy and happy, and definitely not enough to sustain the kind of workout you are suggesting! You are NOT drinking enough water, and that bowl of special K in the morning is not enough keep you energetic and focused for school until lunchtime.

    You are 5'9" only 140 pounds. You don't need to loose weight. If you aren't comfortable with the size and shape of your stomach then what you need to do is build muscle tone, not diet. It is those 30 minutes a day of exercise that will melt away that extra bulge in a few weeks, not the starving yourself. If you can increase your activity level like that, and keep it up, you'll probably find you can eat as much as you want.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm making something for a school project and something i need to know about to do it, is;

    what are the names of those things kids used to make out of paper? They ask you to pick a colour or number and then they move the folded piece of paper with their finger and thumb. Then in the end, they fold over one piece which the other person picked and read out whatever they wrote there.
    I need to know a name asap. So thankyou to anyone who can help me!!

    The Answer
    In the US they are normally called Cootie Catchers, in other countries they are Scrunchies and Paper Fortune Tellers. Check it out:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cootie_Catcher
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ive been trying to lose about 10 pounds for the past couple months. i eat regularly and everything. sometimes when i have a craving for something fattening i eat it then make myself throw up. (then i win both ways. i get it, and i dont lose weight) i dont make myself throw up all my food, just the fattening food right after i eat it. is this dangerous or bad for my health?

    The Answer
    Self induced vomiting is dangerous and bad for your health, even if you aren't doing it much.

    You could very easily cause irritation and inflammation in your throat, mouth and gums. Continue doing this for too and the stomach acid you are bringing up will begin to rot your teeth and cause gum disease. Vomiting too often and violently can also rupture the esophagus.

    I'm sure you know the long terms effects of this, illness, malnutrition and the such, but even in the short term bulimia can cause illnesses that will kill you. So stop it. If you find you can't stop on your own, tell an adult. Ten pounds is not worth your health or your life.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I am almost positive that one of my professors is changing our answers on tests so that we get better grades. Let me start from the beginning....

    After the class took the midterm exam, I was looking over my answers and I noticed that some of the writing was kind of funny. I thought, geez I must have been really tired when I took this test, and I let it go. Then, some of the other people in the class started whispering about it. Apparently someone had changed some of our answers to the correct answers before the tests had been graded! We all assumed that a student aid or graduate student had done it.

    What's the problem then you might ask. I got a better grade so I shouldn't complain, right? Well, I try my best to be a good person and the fact that that had happened made me feel sooo guilty. It stressed me out to no end. I don't need to get a great grade in the class. With the corrections my score had been boosed from about a 70 to a 90. I didn't need the extra points. All I have to do is pass the course.

    I didn't want to be the tattle tale and ruin everyone's day by possibly making the entire class take the midterm over again, but I couldn't deal with the dishonesty I was feeling. Later in that day I went to talk to the professor about what had happened. I liked her and I thought that telling her was the right thing to do. She seemed very understanding and told me to just keep working hard and that she would take care of it. I felt so good after I did it and knew that it had been the right choice. Well, nothing was done about it and I began to wonder.

    We took another test and when I was handed my test back I got a "Great job!". When I noticed that the same thing had happened I almost cried. Nobody else in the class seems to mind, but it is tearing me apart. Now everyone is almost positive that it is the professor that is doing it. It's almost the end of the semester and I worry now that we'll all have to take the whole course over again. I can't afford to do that! I have just enough time to fit all the classes in that I need to graduate.

    I think I know the reason why she does it (if she does). She isn't allowed to make her own tests or assignments for us. It has to be the same for everyone that is taking the class. The head of her department makes everything and she is often confused on what to teach us and what to tell us to study. I think that this is terrible and that a professor should be able to teach the way they want. Boosting our grades like she does (or allowing it to happen) is her way of giving us a curve.

    It makes sense and it seems like a good thing, but if it's supposed to be the same for everyone taking the class, then my class is getting a very unfair advantage! Yeah, there needs to be some change, but it should be done in an honest way! There are so many better ways to have handled that. I believe that the professor is retiring after this semester so I don't think it would affect much in her life if she was found out.

    Should I tell? I think I probably will anyway. I don't want to have to live with this for the rest of my life. If I do, who should I go through? The head of the department or someone higher in the college? She doesn't let us keep the tests and I have a feeling that if she were being investigaed for this that they would mysteriously go missing. With no proof, can anything really be done?

    I give a lot of advice, but now I need some myself. I have no idea how I would answer this question if it were asked by someone else. Am I doing the right thing? I doubt anyone has gone through something similar to this and can offer an experience based answer. I shouldn't have to deal with this, I'm a student! I should be the one that's cheating if anybody! HELP!!

    ~sizzlinmandolin, (20/f)

    The Answer
    I think you have a responsibility to tell someone. Academic dishonesty is simply wrong, in all its forms. If your professor has some sort of issue with the way tests are being administered, then that should be addressed. She shouldn’t be changing your answers. It’s not just dishonest, it’s illegal.

    This is precisely the kind of thing you should approach your Ombudsperson about. All universities have an ombudsperson (or ombudsman, if you are less politically correct) and most colleges do as well. I have no idea what school you attend so here’s a link to the Ombudsperson’s website for my school since it outlines rather nicely what they exist for: http://www.ryerson.ca/ombuds/

    You shouldn’t have any trouble keeping your complaint confidential and I would be shocked if any examination of her marking ‘style’ resulted in the students in her class being penalized. But if there is serious issue at play here over the way people are being tested in these classes, you will be doing everyone involved a favour by bringing this to light so it can be addressed in an appropriate way.

    Good luck! I know in your place I would be terrified as well, but I’m sure you can do it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    There is this girl at school.Today she showed me a piece of paper with "Do you think Linda is too loud?Do you want her to control her voice?"I wrote no.Most people wrote yes.I think that this happened because they just want to rebel against something.I doubt any one actually has a probblem with the loud girl.If you have any ideas about what I can get this girl to rebel against.She will also forget about the loud girl. So, it works out for everyone.

    The Answer
    She isn't rebelling dear, she is being a bitch. She is maliciously trying to insult another person. She doesn't need another 'cause', she needs a life.

    The best thing you can do to make this work out for everyone is ignore her attempts to embarrass others and refuse to dignify such ludicrous things as a petition (my god, when did a person's volume level become an issue dealt with by referendum?) with even an iota of your attention.

    I’m with Xenolan. Don’t waste your time trying to teach this person a lesson, or distract them. It’s not about needing a cause; it’s about needing to be better then someone else. There is little you can do but ignore her attempts.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have horrible anxiety in many areas and im sure i have an anxiety disorder. i'll end up talking to a dr about this, but i was wondering; what medications can the prescribe someone under 18 for anxiety disorders? Like, i'm thinking valium and lots of drugs like that are for 18 and over. Anyone know what they prescribe to teens? (i'll be 17 next month)

    The Answer
    No one is going to give you Valium. Anxiety is normally treated with a group of medications call SSRI's. Medications like Celexa, Prozac and such are SSRI's. Depression is treated with the same kind of medications.

    Don't be disappointed however if your doctor doesn't just hand over pills. Medication can be very successful in treating anxiety but there are a whole host of problems with it. A doctor will always look for a health problem, or suggest counseling first. Medication is a rather extreme course of actions reserved for people with extreme anxiety. Counseling is a far more effective treatment of anxiety anyways; medication just treats the symptoms, counseling can actually cure it.

    EDIT:
    Hun, I have no idea why you are angry with me, or with Nallie for that matter. We both answered your question with honest and acurate information. No one is judging you dear, but please, go see a doctor quickly so you can start to address the issues you are having.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Where do I even begin? My name is Shawn and I am seventeen years old. I first realized that I was gay in middle school but have been in denial about it until my sophomore year in high school. Only recently have I been contemplating coming out to my friends and family. I first set aside October 1, 2006 to come out, but it has not happened. I know there are a lot of friends I would lose if they knew the truth. I also have no idea how my parents will react. I think I respect a lot of my friends and family too much to let them down like this. Earlier in the month, I tried coming out to my mother. I virtually broke down in tears in front of her but could not work up the nerve to do so. I eventually ended the conversation with some bogus story about stress at school. I am also pretty much terrified of talking to my father about anything, let alone coming out to him that I am a homosexual.

    I find myself bringing up this kind of topic in various conversations with my friends and family. My mother and I began talking about the topic of gay people coming out and she said something very discouraging to me. “I do not see why people come out that they are gay. There is no black and white. Coming out that you are gay causes people to only know you for that.” When I countered this statement, she asked me, “You’re not gay, are you?” I replied, “No,” and I have regretted it everyday since then. I always ask myself how easy it would have been to just have answered, “Yes, mom. I am gay.”

    Everyone around me seems to know that something is wrong. People have pointed out that I am not eating and there is lack of emotion in my voice. My mother specifically said that she is only getting one-worded answers from me and feels that we are growing apart. I do not really know what kind of help I am asking for. I just really wish I knew what to do or to know that someone cared, which is impossible since I have not confined this information to anyone. Any suggestions or opinions are welcome. Thank you.

    The Answer
    Your sexuality does not define who you are.

    I don't much like the 'coming out' rhetoric. It implies that the 'closet' is dark and full of lies and that being out 'out' is somehow being true to your essential identity.

    Your sexual orientation is only one small factor in your essential identify. You are not a gay person. You are a person, who happens to be gay.

    Before you do anything else dear, please, please, please, recognize the difference between the two. Don't let your daily life be defined by this stressful issue.

    I understand the psychology of 'coming out', of being honest with the people you love, of being honest with yourself, but 'coming out' is actually a gradual process. Whether you know it or not, the process has already begun. People are questioning, they are open to discussing this with you.

    I know everyone here will probably encourage you to share your orientation with your mother. I know every time I tell a gay teen ‘Hey, wait a second, do you really need to do that in order feel okay?’ I get treated like social pariah by my heterosexual and homosexual friends alike. However, if I could give you any advice this would be it:

    Wait a second. Do you really need to ‘come out’ in order to feel okay? Are the issues you are having, specifically with your mother, more to do with your self-esteem, or with negotiating your developing and changing values and hers. Is coming out going to make your relationship with your mother what you need it to be?

    You don’t have to decide today and if you say yes, this is what I want and need, great, go for it. But don’t rush yourself. You’ll still be gay tomorrow. (Oh, and DO NOT come out over the Christmas holidays, really, that’s just messy.)

    This can be a brilliant site. Sometimes individuals own stories are far more powerful then anything else we can rationalize or theorize away: http://www.outnotes.com/
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i am 23 years old.my ex boyfriends girlfriend thinks we are having an affair. we are not. i have not seen him in a year. she got suspicious because i called him out of the blue on his birthday. now he tells me she wants to question me about our alleged "affair". should i talk to her and tell her there is nothing going on or should i stay out of it completly??????

    The Answer
    It doesn't really matter what you say or do dear. If it were me, I'd certainly refuse to talk to her. I don't need a delusional, possessive girl breathing down my back thank you very much. What she might make of my refusal, is her problem and her boyfriend's problem, not mine.

    However, if he really thinks her talking to you would be helpful, you could do him this favor. A word of caution though: don't give her more personal information then absolutely necessary. The last thing you want is her calling you at work, or showing up at your doorstep.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    15/F

    All day and all night I wear push up bras.
    Could this be damaging or benefitting my
    growth or possiblitity of future sagging?

    Thanks

    The Answer
    It won’t change anything up the shape or size of your breasts. However, it's terrible for your circulation to wear pushup and/or under wire bras while you sleep. It is probably also causing a lot of unnecessary tension in your muscles. Take the bra off when you sleep dear.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My wife and I own a business where travel is necessary. I have a valued employee that would be very difficult to replace - and he is a close friend, and I do not want to replace him - even if keeping him would pose difficulties.

    My wife is involved in our travels, as is our employee. Since we are sometimes away on business for as much as 2 weeks or more at a time, we have structured our travel so that his wife can accompany him. We have given her some light duties and some limited employment, and we pay both her travel expenses, as well as his, including meals and lodging. This is an accomodation for him, and for their well-being.

    However, she takes advantage of us at every opportunity. We enter a restaurant, suggesting a price range for the meal we are willing to obtain, and she often exceeds this amount by almost double. When trying to deal with it, our employee lets us know that he wants her left alone by us - but he does not correct her. He appears to be afraid of her.

    She refuses to be accountable to us or to him - and has caused several problems on our last trip. She insinuated herself and her agenda into a meeting that she was in attendeance at, though she had no business doing so.

    At a restaurant with people with whom we had just done business (and where they picked up the tab), I was horrified to see her take a handful of butter in her hand (and palm) and then butter corn on the cob by rubbing it with her butter drenched hand. It was disgusting, and I had to leave the table for a bit.

    When trying to correct the situations, both she and her hiusband say that I am treating them like children, and he will not allow me to correct the situation - nor will he.

    An association we all belong to has had some complaints brought against her for her prima-donna actions - and they are being dealt with separately by that organization for her attitude and actions.

    Our business is in the area of fine arts, and he is very gifted in this area - and very hard to replace. Replacing him would, in all likelihood, cause us to have to cease operations in our business for 3 to 6 months - and would hinder our business for up to a year. He knows this and, he seems to be aware that they have us over a barrel.

    He has been a good friend and is highly valued by us. Letting him go would cripple us, and we have contemplated actually closing our business rather than allowing this to continue as is - or to operate in a crippled manner with his departure. The problem is her - not him - but he refuses to travel unless she accompanies us.

    Perhaps the weight of comments from those on this site as to the outrageousness and unreasonableness of her behaviour will convince them that they need to change.



    The Answer
    Oh my goodness!

    I agree with younggrandma completely. Being so close, both personally and professionally with your employee has made you all a bit confused about the boundaries of this relationship. From a personal standpoint you have tried to deal with this nicely and gently, from a professional point of view, this woman needs a pink slip.

    Stop backing down. Your employee may genuinely not be aware of how serious a situation this is if, despite your conversations, you continue to allow her to accompany him and tossing a bit of work her way.

    Talk to him again (he is your primary employee, in my opinion you owe her no explanations) and inform him, not discuss, not suggest, not request, INFORM him that his wife will no longer be supported finically on business trips. You have already told him her behavior is not acceptable to you, so you do not need to rehash all those incidences, just state very plainly that this arrangement is not working out for the company.

    I can see why, as a friend he might feel you are treating them like children, so treat him very formally like an adult employee.

    Unless you are willing to just shut up and put up with this woman, you are going to have to take a bit of risk and put your foot firmly down.

    He might quit, and that is something you need to be prepared for, either by shopping around for other talent or by looking into closing the company, but better he quit and the company die then you be a slave to this women. He might also throw a bit of a fit but decide to stay on; quitting wouldn’t be a picnic for him either. I agree with younggrandma particularly on that point: If there is already an issue with his wife being taken up formally by your professional association, you can bet other employers are going to know there is an issue. It is still a bit of a gamble, but unless you take it nothing will ever get any better.

    My dad’s job allowed him to take my mother with him on trips over 12 days and they will pay accommodations, but meals and everything else were up to them with the help of a his per diem. This was written into his contract and if your employee sticks around (which I’d be willing to bet he will, at least for a bit) you might want to work such an arrangement into his contract as well. Banishing his wife is not the goal here (although it might be nice) I think all ready need to do is redraw the lines between professional and personal life. Not a bad idea to clarify that for all your employees who are required to travel.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Okay, so there's this guy, and we'll call him David. He used to and still likes my best friend, and she never liked him, up until now. Last night she made me call him to ask if he still liked her, and tonight he called me saying yes. Now, I understand that if you like someone you're allowed to talk to other people(female friends in this case), and instead of hanging up right away and having her call him back, he kept conversation with me. Now, we're making plans to hang out and what not, and I haven't yet gotten her approval because she went up to another state for Thanksgiving. Any advice on what I should do? I kind of like him, and he's cool and all, but I would NEVER take him away from my best friend, but what should I do? I have no way of communicating with her until Saturday, so...? Any advice?

    The Answer
    Chill out dear.

    He said he still liked her. Hanging out with you doesn't mean he likes you too and making plans doesn't mean you are going on a 'date'. People are allowed to hang out as friends. You don't need your friend’s permission to hang out with him innocently.

    If you say you'll never take him away from her, then don't. Don't flirt, just hang out and have some fun.

    Don't make a problem out of nothing. If you are really uncomfortable about hanging out with him, call and cancel with some excuse about family or the long weekend.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ive been talking to this guy for almost 2 months. we have sex and everything, and im 17 and hes 20, but weve been friends ever since we were little kids. and we wouldnt be able to have a relationship because people would say stuff about it and i dont like that. and now i think im starting to develope feelings for him and i dont want to if we cant be anything.. cause im still in high school, and i dont think he has feelings for me cause he has a history with girls, like cheating and stuff.. and i dont think hes in for that.. and since im younger, i think he just wants to have sex and thats it. like when we have sex as soon as were done, he puts his clothes on and drops me off.. but when i talk to other guys, he gets mad and i dont know if hes acting like he cares.. what do you think?

    The Answer
    Simply acting a bit jealous and possessive is not a symptom of deep feelings for you. It's a symptom of being jealous and possessive type of guy who doesn't treat women very well. No surprises there, you already knew that.

    I think you should try and get a bit of distance from this guy. It's okay to have a sex buddy and its okay to have a crush, but having a crush on your sex buddy when you know it would only be a horrible disastrous attempt at a relationship is just asking for trouble and heartbreak.

    So hang out with him less, maybe even not at all for a while. Time and distractions are the only cure for a crush.

    I'll warn you though; very few people I know are actually able to sustain a friends with benefit arrangement for very long, especially younger people. If you find you can't keep this out without causing yourself pain and stress, please please please, have the sense to call it off before you get yourself hurt. Consequence-free sex can be great, but it should be relieving stress, not causing it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    what does "d.g.a.f." stand for?

    The Answer
    It means "Don't Give A Flip", in it's polite form... In its less polite, but more commonly intended form, pick a fiercer F word.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ever since i can remember i've had alot of litle dots on my areolas. i've always been ashamed of them and i doubt i'll ever show my breasts to anyone. sometimes if i squeeze one really hard white stuff will come out, like acne but i'm not sure because i've tried using proactive on them.

    please help!

    The Answer
    Please stop worrying and PLEASE stop picking at those bumps. They are supposed to be there; they are called Montgomery glands. No one is really certain of thier function, but doctors think they help keep the nipple moist during breastfeeding.

    These glands can be almost invisble or look like white bumps on the areola. Some women can squeeze them and get some white liquid out but you shouldn't do that! They aren't zits, they are glands with moisture in them and breaking them can get them infected.

    Relax, ask a doctor if you must but rest assured they are completely normal. Stop picking at them or treating them with harsh cleansers. They wont go away. They are supposed to be there.
    (View All Other Answers.)




eXTReMe Tracker