Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    I am a 21 woman (living at college) and my neighbor at home is a 15 yr old boy and he got to talking to me about stuff, he calls quite a bit and that's fine, he doesn't really have people to talk to a lot because he's very popular in the high school so he has to maintain an image or whatever, you know how high school is, so he can't really open up to anybody. Anyway he calls me about stuff and I give advice whatever, he treats me like I'm his mom or something (his own mom was never in the picture really) so anyway his dad got re-married last spring and he was fine with the stepmom at first but after a while he started changing and he was calling late at night really upset. Finally he told me why, he said his stepmom's been coming in his room at night and doing stuff with him, I won't be graphic but you can probably figure it out. So I called CPS and they ended up dropping the case, and his dad thinks he was lying, but I know he's not. He's been able to keep his stepmom out of his room and is staying weekends with his aunt and uncle, but it just sucks that he has to go thru this and he's got a lot of trust issues now. Sorry to be so long but you kinda had to know the backstory in order to answer my question, which is how can I help him thru this, what do I say to him? All I've told him so far is that I believe him and I don't think it was his fault.

    The Answer
    You have done some of the very best things you can do: You've been a supportive, caring, rational adult he can turn too. But you aren't his guardian or his keeper and he is not an infant. A certain amount of positive action in this situation is going to have to be taken by him.

    Encourage him to speak to a counselor, gently and firmly push him in the direction of professional help. If this situation is what he says it is, he needs someone more skilled then you (no offence meant) to speak too. If this situation isn't quite what you've been hearing, he is in even more need of someone else to speak to.

    He will resist this suggestion, but be firm. Speaking to a professional, just a counselor or a therapist, is the very best thing for him. If his case needs to be re-opened, they will be a powerful ally. Even if that doesn’t happen, a counselor is better positioned, not just to help him through this, but help him mend his relationships, or at least make it tolerable with his family.
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    The Question
    when you cite an article from a newspaper or magazine, how would you do that? like, i know you have to say the name of the article and athor and stuff, but in what early and what else? thanks!

    The Answer
    In the future, googling "How to cite a newspaper" will get you this information very quickly.

    http://www.ndsu.edu/instruct/isern/hardhat/newspapers.htm
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hi I am 17 years old and I work in a store. Another girl I work with asked me if I can work on columbus day, when she wa supposed to work. I accepted, since I didn't think I was doing anything. Then my parents blew up at me because my dad took the day off & they want to do something as a family. They told me it's allmy fault that I didn't ask if he was taking the day off. I told them he should have told me he was taking the day off, but they said NO I should ask (which they have NEVER told me to do before). But they do not see my side of it, that I accepted to work so I can't change my mind now & that they should have told me he was taking the day off (am i supposed to guess that out of thin air?) Who is right here, & what can I do about this, they are so mad at me.??

    The Answer
    No one's really right here. It would certainly have been nice, and easier on everyone, if your parents had had the sense to tell you they wanted a family day, and at the same time it would have been nice and easier on everyone if you had the presence of mind to call and check with them that it was okay to take that shift.

    In the end though, it's no one fault, it's just a miscommunication. Apologize (just one time) for the confusion and don't try to get rid of the shift if you don't feel right about that. Let your parents deal with their anger on their own. Don’t feel guilty about that, miscommunications happen. Don’t let them abuse you over it.
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    The Question
    i used to think harry potter movies were for nerds and stuff but now i actully love the movies lol im kinda obsessed...... ok well i just bought the harry potter and the goblet of fire DVD and i was wondering if there is gonna be another movie coming out after that one?? thanks so much!

    The Answer
    Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix is the next movie and will be coming out in theatres next summer on July 13th.

    A quick google search will get you a whole bunch of rumors and pictures from the movie as it's filming.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ahh! Okay, so this guy and I are in a constant power struggle, even over who calls whom and when. It's driving me crazy and I want him to stop fighting me. I refuse to back down completely, but I feel like I won't ever see him if I don't let him have his way most of the time.
    Like...tonight I wanted to go somewhere with him and he left me hanging for about an hour without saying if he wanted to go or not, then said no he had other plans, but that we could possibly meet up somewhere afterwards. BUT he wanted me to like, go there and call him at a certain time, otherwise he'd just stay where he was longer, or go home.
    Now the stubborn part of me is going "Duh, if you comply he's getting his way and he thinks he has you wrapped around his finger." But the other part of me is going "but you wanna see him, so just comply this once..."
    I'm thinking I might play along for awhile - let him think he has me where he wants me, then completely reject him and see what he does.
    Any thoughts on any of this?

    The Answer
    My thoughts:
    When you 'play along' you run the risk of loosing.

    Don't play games with your own heart or anyone elses. It's hurtful, wasteful and almost as bad as lying to them. Sooner or later it will breed distrust and annoyance, not affection.

    If you don't want to chase him, stop chasing him. If you are willing to organize yourself around his schedule and whims, go for it. But don't kid yourself that once the pattern is set you'll be able to change it. Once you start chasing him, he'll likely expect you to continue doing that. If you stop, he'll think you aren't interested and he'll move on.

    Tell him straight up that you are interested in him and want to be with him and that if he feels the same he should say so. If not, you don't want to waste your time or his chasing him down. Be direct and very clear, that will encourage him to be just as clear with you. If he still dithers around or expects you to do all the work, let this needy little boy go. Talking to your crush shouldn't be a chore.
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    The Question
    ok i recently entered a poetry contest and well they wrote me after a while telling me they wanted me in washington d.c with a group of other deserving poets to the internation libary of poetry and the whos who the poet and the poem i think thts a book they wana publish my poem in and they said theres no fee of anything i actually get money for it..do you think its a load of bull ? or is it true? has anyone ever heard of it? well thx in advance...

    The Answer
    Many of these contests are a scam. Read what they sent you very very carefully and check this out for more information on spotting these scams:
    http://www.absolutewrite.com/specialty_writing/poetry_scams.htm
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    The Question
    I have a question. i normally dont ask for advice. but i want to know someones oppinion. are you a slut if you had sex with 2 boys in the same night?

    The Answer
    At the same time?

    Hehe, no I'm just kidding. It doesn't really matter.

    Some people will certainly call you a slut. When it comes to do nearly anything that deviates from the sexual norm you run the risk of being called names.

    I hope you are secure in your sexuality and happy with your decisions. If you are happy don't waste a thought on what others say. If you aren't happy with what you did, no need to call yourself names, just remember that feeling and don't make a choice like that agian.
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    The Question
    okay im really badly stuggling to draw anime or manga and there isnt any good websites can anyone here teach me at all please this is a bit urgent!! thank you SOOO much xxx

    The Answer
    A simple google search will give you a dozen good websites to help you learn how to draw. I especailly like this one: http://www.bakaneko.com/howto/
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    The Question
    For the past hour my right arm (between my wrist and elbow) has been twitching in various places.

    If I watch my arm I can see it move, tensing and releasing. I have NO idea why.

    What could of caused it? Is it serious? Should I see a doctor? Will it go away?

    Please tell me anything you know
    Thanks so much :)

    The Answer
    It's likely just a pinched nerve. Take it a bit easy on that arm for the next few days. If it hasn't gone away in a day or two, or if it becomes painful, go to a doctor.
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    The Question
    im a 14 year male and i just quit smoking after about 2 years of heavy smoking and i was wondering how long it will take for my lungs to start to get back to normal when im running and stuff

    The Answer
    Your body does the best it can to heal itself. About 2 to 12 weeks after your last cigarette lung function improves and 6 to 9 months after quitting you'll have less coughing and shortness of breath.

    Not to say you got off scott free though. Smoking, especially as a young teen can negatively effect lung development. You'll likely never be 100%.

    But studies show that people who quit smoking before or in their early twenties have a much better chance of avoiding the worst effects of smoking like cancer and asthma. To hurry up the healing, try some aerobic exercise.
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    The Question
    I was wondering if it was true that after spem come in contact with air do they really die? If a guy ejaculates and then wipes off completely and then has intercourse unprotected is there a chance that pregnancy can occur even though air has touched the sperm?

    The Answer
    Sperm does not die when it hits air.

    That is a ridiculous myth, much like the 'you can't get pregnant on the first time' or 'you can't get pregnant if you have sex in water'. All nonsense. You get semen in you then you can get pregnant.

    Sperm are resilient little buggers and can survive a whole WEEK inside of a women. If they don't have the protection of a human body, man or woman's, they usually die between a 1/2 hour and four hours.

    If you do wash off completely, there shouldn't be a problem, but you can never be completely sure that the sperm is dead until it has dried out. Buy a spermicidal hand wash and keep it handy, then you wont need to worry.
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    The Question
    i basically made plans to have sex friday night..well he is always complaing about how he dosent want a bloody dick.and im not sure if my cherry is popped or not.
    he fingerd me once but im still not sure how to tell if it is popped.cuz some people say that you dont bleed..but it did hurt alot..
    if it isnt popped..how do i pop it..without having sex?

    The Answer
    Stop trying to fix yourself dear. This isn't really a problem and you shouldn't be allowing your boy to make it one.

    There are certain realities of the human body, like stubble growing when you shave, people smelling when they sweat, or needing to use the bathroom when they drink too much. Those are just the basic facts of anatomy, and you shouldn't be ashamed of them.

    If your cherry pops there will likely be some blood, that is just a fact, no way to get around it. If he wants to have sex with you he is going to have to accept that simple human aspect of it: the chance there might be some blood involved. If he can't deal with that, he isn't ready for all the other much scarier realities of sex either.

    You are a woman. Women bleed down there sometimes for a few reasons. If he likes women, tell him to suck it up and deal.

    As has already been pointed out, if he uses a condom there wont be any blood right on him anyways.

    Once more, and say it with me: This is not your problem, this is his problem. Tell him to fix it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    haow many dates do you go on befroe you can call yourseves boyfriend and girlfriend?

    The Answer
    If you don't know the status of your relationship, ask.

    Boyfriend and girlfriend are words that mean different things to different people. It's really important not just to know if you are or not, but to know what your partner thinks they mean.

    Some people will call you their significant other after a single date, others you may date for a month or two before they apply that label, so if you feel uncomfortable or unsure about the right label for your relationship casually ask. It doesn't need to be a big deal, but you've got every reason and right to know.
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    The Question
    I had a urinary tract infection a little while ago. I have never had sex, but my boyfriend fingers me a lot. So I'm wondering how I got this UTI. Can you get a UTI from being fingered? What other ways can you get UTI?

    The Answer
    Although any sexual activity increases your chances of getting a UTI you can get them randomly, just out of the blue as well.

    Best way to avoid them is to go pee after any sexual activity and clean yourself up. That will flush any bacteria that creeped up there out. Nothing else to do really. UTI's aren't really serious as long as you catch them early, and drinking lots of cranberry juice will really dull the pain until you can get to a doctor.
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    The Question
    I'm very bad at understanding this like this, so can someone please clarify for me what this poem means or is about?

    I'm Nobody! Who are you?
    Are you--Nobody--too?
    Then there's a pair of us?
    Don't tell! they'd advertise--you know!

    How dreary--to be--Somebody!
    How public--like a Frog--
    To tell one's name--the livelong June--
    To an admiring Bog!

    The Answer
    This is poem is by Emily Dickenson, who, unlike most people today really valued her anonymity. She hated crowds, and dealt with her friends only really through letters, had very few visitors and published only a couple of poems during her life. She never married. In many ways she was a very early American feminist.

    So don't think this poem is a contradiction. She is being very honest. Being a 'Nobody' is being different. If people found out that they were managing to live as Nobodies, they would tell others (advertise) and then they would have to be Somebodies, and introduce themselves all around to those who were interested in them, like an icky little frogs croaking. Emily Dickenson found nothing less appealing then that.
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    The Question
    my sister has a horse, which is really expensive. the up front price of the horse was over 20,000 dollars. then there's room and board, horse shoes, food, vet (each appointment is $800), and horse shows which are easilly over $1000 dollars each. my dad says that the horse costs about 10,000 dollars per year. did i mention that this is her SECOND horse? i don't horseback ride, i play tennis instead which is not expensive at all!!! but my sister gets just a little less for christmas than i do...i don't think this is fair at all. like not to sound spoiled, but my parents usually spend about $1000 dollars on me at christmas and just a hundred dollars less on her....i just think i'm getting the worst deal ever for me because she gets soo much more money spent on her than i do, i don't think i should be punished for not participating in a way overpriced sport!! you know? and for christmas i'm a new bedspread and shelves and stuff...but i think that's pretty much all i'm going to get because it kind of adds up. the bed spread was 885 dollars because i had it custom made. i just really want stuff that i can actually use for christmas and i don't know how to ask my mom without sounding like a brat. but i just don't see how this is fair at all!! how can i tell my parents this?!

    The Answer
    How can you tell your parents this AND not sound like a spoiled brat?

    You can't.

    Your sister chooses to ride. Your parents choose to pay for it.

    You choose to not to ride. You choose to play tennis. Your parents choose to pay for it.

    Sounds fair to me.

    What it isn't is the same. It's different. You are different people with different interests and your parents spend different amounts of money on those interests.

    Face it, although it might seem unfair to you, the amount of money they spend on their children's activities is their choice, and nowhere is it written that it must be equal. Get serious about an expensive hobby like, I dinno, sky diving, and I'm sure your parents would be just as financially supportive of you as they are of your sister. But don't except them to just hand over cash to you or shower you with gifts because you aren't costing them $10,000 a year. Maybe that would be 'fair', but it isn't going to happen.

    Is there is something else that is more constructive that you would like then cash and gifts? You could certainly use the example of the amount of money they spend on the horse if you where asking them to pay so you could go study in Italy for a year, or if you wanted a particularly good camera to feed your photography habit, whatever it is that you are passionate about and requires money.

    Besides, Christmas isn't really about how much money they spend on their children. Trying to fight this battle over Christmas gifts will at best make you look ungrateful and at worst, make you look selfish and greedy. You've got a solid point in this. Even though life doesn't need to be fair at some point your parents will respond to fact that they haven't funded you two equitably but save this argument for a time when something bigger then a few pretty presents are on the line.
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    The Question
    Hi im looking to adopt or buy a capuchin monkey. Or any other baby monkey that does not bite. Does capuchin monkeys bite? I live in MO and im wondering if there is any around here to adopt or buy i can only buy one up to 100$. And i want perferably a female baby.

    any information will help. :]

    &heart's;kayla

    The Answer
    All monkeys bite. Period. They are wild animals and will bite as a form of communication. They cannot be trained not to bite, even the nicest monkey will bite some of the time.

    Monkeys are legal to own in MO so it is likely you'll be able to find a breeder near by you if you google it. However, you will NOT get a monkey for as little as $100. $1000 would be more realistic, with most reputable breeders charging more like $2000 to $3000 for an infant monkey.

    Monkeys can live for about 30 years, they cannot be house broken and will be disruptive and violent if they get bored. Having a monkey is like having a child. Make sure you are in it for life.

    Google "owning a monkey" and you'll discover very quickly that it isn't widely recommended.
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    The Question
    Im sorry thats just the way I write. and yes i will rewite it even tho is pointless.

    well i have a boyfriend and me and carlos have been together for 6 months and a week. weve been through so much. ive already had sex with him. both of our parents already know. i love him. and he feels the same way about me to. my mom really thinks i deserve much better. since i come from a high to do family. and he is kinda poor. but money isnt an issue to me. i love him. but she doesnt approve of him.im not allowed to talk to him on the phone nor see him. he doesnt go to my school. so one day i just got tired of everything and called him crying telling him i couldnt do this anymore and told him i think we shouldnt be together if it was going to be like this. he started crying. it broke my heart. i love him so much but i dont know if i should stay with him or let it go.

    The Answer
    It is no more pointless then saying thank you when someone gives you a gift. Its simply good manners.

    When someone gets dumped it always hurts, and its normally hurts the person who does the dumping just as much as the dumped. It's a hard, heart-breaking situation, but that doesn't mean the break up is wrong.

    Sometimes loving someone isn't enough. Life has conspired against you and you've found no way to work around its obstacles. If you believe that you have done everything in your power to make this work, and it simply can't, then you were right to break up with him. You wouldn't have been doing him any favors sticking it out in a relationship where you were miserable and he was probably just as unhappy, even if he hadn't decided it was worth ending the relationship.

    There are points in our lives where we are able to carry on relationship even if our parents disagree, those points generally are when we are adults in our own homes, not when we are still captives in theirs.

    You got tired, you got feed up and that's okay. It's okay to decide that even though you love somebody a relationship is just more work then can be any good.
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    The Question
    HEY WELL I HAVE THIS ONE BOYFRIEND AND ME AND CARLOS HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 6 M0NTHS AND LIKE A WEEK. WEVE BEEN THR0UGH S0 MUCH. iVE ALREADY HAD SEX WiTH HiM. WE WERE B0TH READY. AND 0UR PARENTS N0 AB0UT iT T00. i L0VE HiM S0 MUCH AND HE FEELS THE SAME WAY AB0UT ME T00. BUT THE THiNGS iS MY M0M REALLY THiNKS i DESERVE BETTER THAN HiM AND SHE D0ESNT APPR0VE 0F HiM. iM N0T G0iNG T0 LiSTEN T0 HER. iM N0T ALL0WED T0 TALK T0 HiM 0N THE PH0NE 0R ANYTHiNG AND HE D0ESNT G0 T0 MY SCH00L. S0 0NE DAY i CALLED AND T0LD hIM i C0ULDNT BE WiTH HiM iF iT WAS G)ING T0 BE LiKE THiS AND HE STARTED CRYiNG. iT BR0KE MY HEART. i L0VE HiM S0 MUCH BUT i D0NT KN0W iF i SH0ULD JUST LET iT G0? PLUS HE iS VERRY 0VER PR0TECTiVE.
    WHAT SH0ULD i D0??

    The Answer
    You should not write in all caps, it is considered rather rude and it's painful to read. It is also agianst the rules of the site.

    If this were asked to the pool it would be immediately deleted and you would be asked to re-write it normally. Because you sent it to me personally I'll make that request: Re-write this question kindly and I'll gladly answer it.
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    The Question
    me and my freind went to her boyfreinds house and got drunk and i had unprotective sex with this one guy and she almost did with her boyfreind but didnt then she got super sick and almost died and i held her up when she was throwing up and when no noe would help her i helped her into the car and called my mom wich sucked and risked EVERYTHING everything we have done just everything.
    and then we went to the hospital and called her parents wich now hate me and she told them i had sex with this one guy and everything i have done.


    what should i do?
    how do i get our freindship back?
    how do i get her to know that those were her desissions?
    i feel guilty and like a horrible freind.
    like it was all my fault.
    i could have stopped it.
    and if i wouldbnt have called my mom and tooken her to the hospital she would have died.
    please help.
    thank you.

    The Answer
    You saved her life. You made the very best decision you could in a very bad situation that she got herself into.

    It's not your responsibility to protect your friend from her poor choices. You both messed up, and you have your own guilt to deal with, you needn't take on hers.

    Let her cool down for a bit. Hopefully after the pain and fear subside a bit she will be able to realize the logic of what you did and you can both learn from this, forgive and move on.

    But for now let her wallow. Hating you is probably easier then hating herself. You be secure in your good judgment and quick action.

    If anything, learn from this that poorly planned 'fun' like you were having is dangerous, not just for a obvious reasons, but for what it can do to relationships. Use some discretion next time and protect both yourself and the people with you.
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