Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    I've heard a lot about dental dams when giving a girl oral sex. If all you are doing is sucking on the clitoris is it alright NOT to use a dental dam? I'm the only guy that my girlfriend has ever been with and she's the only girl that I've ever been with and we've been together for over 4 years. Thank you.

    The Answer
    It doesn't matter what you are doing down there, if you want to be protected from STDs you should be using a dental dam.

    HOWEVER, if you've been with someone exclusivly for that long, you are probably safe not to use it. But before you discard it, it might not hurt you both to have an STD test, then you know that you are both clean, and as long as neither of cheat, you'll likely stay that way.

    Dental Dams exsits to stop the transmission of STD's. They don't really have any other purpose. So if you know you are clean and trust your partner, then a bit of oral sex without one is probably an acceptable risk.
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    The Question
    my "best friend" is going after a guy I like. I introduced them and I told her I liked him before she even met him, but now she's going after him behind my back and aparently he likes her.. am i the one being messed up or is she?

    The Answer
    Honestly, I find the whole idea that a guy is off limits because your friend has a crush on him to be quite high-schoolish. I would never in a million years mess around with a friend's boyfriend, but crushes have to go two-ways for anything to come of them. So if they like each other, that is great. That means the two of them can move past the 'crush' phase into something more. If nothing more was happening between you and him, I think the mature thing to do would be shrug your shoulders and be happy for her.

    She shouldn't be going behind your back though. It's much healthier for people to be upfront about these things. Talk to her calmly about it and get the real story. She is your friend after all. You might be a bit hurt, but she hasn't betrayed you in any way.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    To start i am almost 18 and my bf is 18. My bf and i have a 13 month history (we took a couple month break..but now i would say we have a solid relationship)
    Today we went to a WWE wrestling thing and he was fascinated by the divas (they were just wearing lil mini skirts with the thong showing..ugh)..annddd today he was determined to get his S.I swimsuit edition..he likes that kind of stuff and claims its normal. it just pisses me off..and noww after this wrestling show he asked me how i would feel if he goes to a strip club..what do you guys think about this?? i hate how he drools over them ..and likes his stupid magazines..and his lil porno videos he burns off the internet.
    any input..is this normal? do i let him have his fun at the strip club?..

    The Answer
    Seems like its normal for him.

    The simple secret of the universe is that if men have eyes they will look. Frankly, women tend just to be more discrete about it.

    You can hate him for his desire to look at bare flesh, you can yell at him and argue and cry and maybe he’ll stop doing it. But he won’t stop wanting too.

    Men are going to get turned on by other women, especially teenage males. I’ve hear jokes about them getting turned on by loaves of bread or fast cars. They wake up turned on. It's a physical trigger that is not completely under their control. You might as well make him feel bad about farting. Everyone does it, we can’t always control it.

    Not letting him to go is unrealistic. You don’t 'let' your boy have his fun. He is going to do what he wants too.

    Certainly talk to him about your feelings. Telling him specifically what your fears are. Figure out what it is that bothers you exactly. That might help the two of you come to some compromises will let you feel secure with his decisions.

    You are in control of your own feelings and reactions. You don’t have to be miserable about this. If this is something that is really hurting your relationship, then it’s not really about the models at all. It’s about the way the two of you are dealing with each other.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i am a 15 year old guy. i have always like girls and i mean ALWAYS. never ever felt even the slightest love directed at a guy. 4 months ago i asked a girl out. after that, i had a crush on another girl a little less than 2 months ago.
    I am really confused because about 3 weeks ago i started wondering i may be gay after i saw some line reading a soccer review where the player said "its a man's game". i have no clue why but that set of a chain reaction in me. after this i can count about 3 instances where i haven't been aroused that much by porn. i have never watched gay porn but for some reason it seems more exciting but not so arousing. i think it might be the hero worship happening now. i am sexually attracted to women ONLY and masturbate thinking about them only and do not fantasize about men.
    my relationship with my dad is good but i don't see him so much because he is busy and my brother left for college last year. have not been able to meet my friends so much cos i have study leave for exams.
    please help. i really need it

    The Answer
    Chill. You are fifteen. You are not required to figure out your sexuality tomorrow.

    If you are still attracted to women, then you why would you think you are gay? Gay men tend not to be sexually attracted to women.

    Curiosity, even about gay sex, is perfectly normal. This also may be something a bit more and you might have simply stumbled over a new aspect of your sexuality.

    The bottom line is it doesn't really matter. Your sexuality doesn't define who you are and there is no reason to flip out over it. Keep your eyes open. Pay attention to yourself and what you want, but donâ??t expect to understand everything about your sexuality tomorrow. Iâ??ve been sexual active for years and Iâ??m still learning new things about myself.

    Talk to your friends or father if you think that will help, but if you can relax and accept simple things without getting worked up over it, you could just keep considering the details calmly, without letting pointless worry run your life.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Why is it that when i do something bad my mother goes and tells everyone in the family? Is it because family has to know?...or is she just trying to make me look bad? I just gots to know..cause my mom is always doing that to me and she even do it to my friend...he does something bad and she tells my family that my best friend did this or that..and it makes me look bad...my aunts are always like you should get new friends...but whatever happened to the good things me and my best friend do?...so I'm juss sayin is why do parents do this to us kids

    -vianey 13/f

    The Answer
    Because your life is important to them and like it or not, YOU are the main thing they think about and the main thing they want to talk about. You are your mother’s main worry, her main pride, her main concern and likely the main purpose of her life. So she talks about you. Of course she talks about you. What else would she talk about? The weather?

    Yes it’s a little insensitive and unfair of her to be telling your extended family everything, but your aunts are concerned with you as well! If they want to hear about your so badly, maybe you should tell them about the good things. They might be delighted to get some information straight from the source.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm ovulating now. And my bf and I just had sex twice. There is no way for me to get any help mecically cause I'm at boarding school. But, I don't think he had anything on his hands...but he did touch me. And I touched him and had some pre-cum/left over cum from th previous time a coulple hours ago and then without thinking put my finger in me to make sure I wasn't bleeding. What is the liklihood that I got pregnant? We used condoms both times and neithre broke. I'm just worried that he or I had something on our hands and then touched me and it is going to get me pregnant. He did put his penis back in his pants and he did pull it out again and may have brushed against it, in this process could he have gotten enough sperm on his hands to get me pregnant??

    I know this makes no sense but I'm worried right now and can't make sense at all.

    And in the shower I took the shower head and flushed myself out so to speak, was that ok?

    The Answer
    The likelihood of you getting pregnant from a bit of semen on your or his hands is ridiculously, ludicrously, absurdly, infinitesimally, small. Especailly if it were several hours old. Sperm cannot last that long outside a human body.

    Flushing yourself out with a showerhead is not a terribly effective way to deal with sperm. Of course it's a good idea to clean up after sex, but a good scrub isn't going to do too much about your chances of pregnancy. Which in this case, are next to nothing anyways.

    Relax. Just relax.

    Sex is risky. Sex will ALWAYS be risky. Even if you use a condom, and birth control and Plan B and a sacred Mongolian anti-fertility voodoo doll, sex will still be risky. If you canâ??t maturely and calmly accept that having sex, presents the risk, even a ridiculously slim one, of getting pregnant or getting an STD, and go about your day with confidence and comfort, then you are not ready to be having sex.
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    The Question
    my dog is thorwing up bright red blood what is the problem

    The Answer
    I would bet he is sick.
    Go see a vet. Quickly.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm 17/F and a junior in highschool. Our teacher quit so we have a permenant substitute for now. Our Sub is a guy, and he told us he was 23 and right out of NYU. Pretty hot too. Anyways, ever since this guy started taking over our classes he's been kind of flirting with me. Don't tell me i'm imagining it because my friends notice too. He always comes to my desk to ask how I'm doing, putting his hand on my back. He asks me to stay after class a lot to compliment me on all my work. He asked me if I needed a tutor in any subject and that he'd be happy to do it, and one day my friend couldn't drive me home so he offered to take me. It's kind of starting to freak me out. He's good looking and all but he's 6 years older than me and my tacher. I told my parents and the school counselor and they think I'm crazy for even saying something like that. My friends are the only ones who believe me. What should I do? He's not stopping. Maybe I am crazy, but I'm pretty sure I'm not.

    The Answer
    Do you have a good relationship with anyother teacher at your school? Asking another teacher you have a solid relationship with for advice on this is probably a really good bet. They will understand how these things are dealt with and might have some insight into the problem for you.

    It's okay to feel uncomfortable, and they aren't going to fire him just because you are a bit confused by his behavoir. But I do think it is a really good idea to air your worries and have them taken seriously. This guy is new to teaching and he might just be unsure of the bounderies and comfort level for his students. I would hope his fellow teachers or the principal could gently but firmly set him straight.
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    The Question
    I’m 14 and I’m really pissed because I have next to no decent clothes. I’m not exactly wealthy, but my family’s *far* from being poor. Okay, I have about 8 blouses that I’ve collected through the years, two skirts and two pairs of jeans that fit, and that’s it. My mom grew up in a really poor part of Asia and immigrated here about 15 years ago, but even still, she has no idea what teenage girls are like. I asked her to let me get a nice pair of shorts from American Eagle (which was $40) and she got really mad and gave me this lecture about how I should be thankful that I have any clothes at all because when she grew up, she only had, like, two pairs of cotton pants throughout most of her childhood, and how she breaks her back trying to support our family and I’m just being a greedy spoiled brat. She refuses to buy me any article of clothing over $30. What makes me even more mad is that she still buys $50 worth of earrings for herself (she gets loads of really cheap jewelry on those TV jewelry channels) when she doesn’t NEED any new jewelry, yet she won’t let me buy a $40 pair of shorts.

    The worst part about all this is the other kids at school. I go to one of those expensive private schools and all of the other girls at my school who have entire wardrobes filled with those fancy designer clothes from stores like Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, etc. I feel really ashamed next to everyone else because I don’t have many nice clothes at all. While all of these girls make monthly shopping sprees, I’m allowed two shopping trips a year. But even during these shopping trips, I can hardly find anything under $30 because nothing ever fits. Seriously, I’m way too skinny….my waistline is like, 22 inches and my hips are 27 inches. No, I’m not anorexic, it’s just the way I am. I don’t need any eating advice or anything, because there’s no way I’m going to diet and put on weight just to wear clothes. My pants size is 00 and my shirt size is XXS, and the only stores that carry anything flattering for really skinny people in those sizes are the expensive places, like Abercrombie. I would’ve ordered things online, but my mom doesn’t believe in shopping online-----she’s afraid someone will steal her credit card number.

    I know this question might make me seem whiny and ungrateful and vain and spoiled because there are people dying in Darfur and I’m concerned about a pair of shorts, but still, it really makes me feel bad that I’m the only person in
    What should I do about this? I tried talking to my dad, but he won’t make her understand. She’s got a one-track mind.










    The Answer
    You are right dearie, your question does seem whiny and ungrateful, but that doesn't make you a bad person. What it means is that you are a person who is sitting around stewing instead of working to solve her problem.

    You need to talk to your mother, but I would suggest, rather then rehashing the same old argument over and over again about value of clothing and your desires, you ask for something different. Ask for a clothing allowance.

    Ask your mother and father (it might be good if you get them both together, they will probably help each other stay calm and paying attention) for a set amount of money each month to put towards clothing that you yourself can choose and control. Maybe $40 dollars is a good place to start. That way, you can pick your own clothing, and save for a month or two if there is something special you want. If you do it this way you'll be spending your own money, rather then being dependant on making your mother agree with each purchase. Just make sure you make the deal clear and write down whether your clothing allowance has to include shoes, underwear or winter jackets. If it does include those things, ask for more money.

    If this doesn’t work, you can either go back to the same old routine of bugging your mom and fighting with her and bitching OR you can find ways to make your own money to buy clothes. Those are really your only options. If you can't make your own money and you can't convince your mother, well you are just sort of stuck. Sometimes parents just suck like that, and they are allowed to suck and do stupid things. Teenagers just have to suck it up and deal sometimes (God knows I had too).

    Find a job, baby-sit, take care of pet or a neighbor’s lawn and use your own money to for clothing. You aren’t a child anymore. Your parent’s aint going to solve all your problems. These days, they will probably cause more problems then they will solve. Learn to work around it.

    (This is just a note, because this is one of my pet peeves but Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle are not designer clothes. They are off-the-rack mass market clothing. Don't let people look down on you because they buy some off the rack stuff from those places. Fendi, Mendocino, Vera Wang... those are designer clothing lines. It really bothers me when vicious little girls call mass market stores like those ones 'designer' just to make other girls feel bad. They aren't designer. They never were, they never will be. They are just 'popular'. If you like them, that's fine, but please don't buy the bullshit those girls are trying to sell you. They are just trying to make you feel bad. Jerks.)
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    The Question
    okay so in december me and this kid went out for a very short period of time..(i was rebound) and his last gf just broke up with him saturday and asked me out last night but i said no we can just talk for a little while and well today he came over and we fooled around went to like 2 or 3 base-ish and now i feel terrible (right after i was told my bff got outta jail but one of his best friends died so now hes gotta go to a funeral which also upset me) i guess my question is

    1 why do i feel bad
    2 how do i trust this kid that i fooled around with

    The Answer
    Bad things happened in life today, so you feel bad. You did something you aren't sure was right, so you feel bad. That's okay. Feeling a bit bad when people you care about are in pain, and feeling a bit bad when you think you made a mistake are both, good, human responses. Just ride it out. You'll feel better in a little while.

    How do you trust this boy? Well, you don't. Not yet anyways. You have no reason to trust him right now. If you are interested in him, go back to your orginal plan of just talking to him for a bit, and seeing if something more, like trust, developes.
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    The Question
    15/F

    [recap]
    There was this guy who liked me I guess, so I walk the same way home as him, and he starts walking with me. I didn't mind it that much, and then he started with the hand around the shoulder, still didn't mind it. Then he started pretty much hugging me really tight, while I'm trying to walk home. When I got home, after him pretty much not letting me move in anyway, or being able to kick/punch him. He asked me out, I said I liked someone else, and he basically got really bitter and started to ignore me. He never said anything about how he feels yet he does that[recap]

    Now, a few days ago again, he walked with me. Did the hand on shoulder thing, hugging etc. Then when we got to my house, he pretty much started to put his hands up my sweater and tickling me. That crossed the line, I do not understand why he would do so because he knows I don't like him. I told him to stop but you know... weird guys + hormones. It was scary IMO. Then he kept asking me what I was doing over the weekend, and asked me if I still liked that person, and then he started to ask like 50 questions.

    What do I do about this person :|

    The Answer
    Don't walk with him anymore. Don't talk to him anymore. Don't waste your time on someone who you don't like and who makes you uncomfortable.

    He's creepy and he's not taking the hint. So make it a bit stronger then a hint. Don't tell him you are interested in someone else, that gives the stupid boy hope. Tell him you are simply and completely not interested in him!

    It's great to spare a person's feelings, but when someone makes you uncomfortable it's time to just shoot them down, quickly and brutally.

    If he still doesn't back down, tell your parents or a teacher. His behavoir is way out of line.
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    The Question
    How does one get closure? In other words, something happens they get reassured by the person who made the comment and/or someone like you how would the person it happened to put what happened to them behind them and move on.

    The Answer
    There are a million ways to work towards closure and most people try and find one that works for them. They may simply ignore the issue until time dulls its memory. They may scream and cry it out. They may end relationships, avoid conversations, avoid certain places or music. Most of those are just symbols of closure though and ways to make it easier, because in the end a person gets over something because they suck it up and just do.

    Please remember you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

    You can tell a person the rational, complete truth a million times, but until they accept it there is absolutely nothing you can do or help with. No one can give anyone else closure. In my experience, most of the time when people try to it only reopens wounds and causes more grief. Acceptance and the choice to move on is just that, a choice. Until a person finds something inside and makes the choice to let it go, nothing you do will have any effect at all. Even after the choice is made, the issue might linger, but it's on it's way out.

    Some people, for some reason, just like to obsess. Or else, don’t know how to do anything else. You might as well howl at the moon for all the good reassuring them does.
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    The Question
    I want a healthy relationship.

    Before, I thought I did have one. I told a friend that I never had a fight with my boyfriend at the time. We were going out for about 9-11 months straight and we haven't had any argument [screaming, avoiding calls, etc kind of thing]

    She said WE WOULD HAVE A FIGHT. and that our relationship would be healthy if it did.

    but we never did.


    Is Conflict a MUST for a good relationship?

    Because I'm all good and there' no problems.. like fights. I honestly don't like drama.
    Is that bad?

    In my relationships we don't fight.. It's just something we don't do. We talk about things and compromise

    Is that .. wrong or what?

    Or was she jealous?

    The Answer
    I don't know if she was jealous, but to an extent I do agree with her.

    Conflict is just a fact of life in all genuine human relationships.

    Name calling, screaming and punching are bad, and certainly not necessary, but if I were with someone I never had rather strong disagreements with, then yes, I'd worry about the health of the relationship.

    Not fighting is okay, but not having a serious disagreement from time to time is scary. It either means you don't care enough about your own principals or thoughts to fight for them (in which case you aren’t being genuine and you aren’t really learning anything about each other) or it means you are so good at avoiding conflict that you compromise yourselves to death.

    If you and your boyfriend never have disagreements about politics, the way to deal with friends or parents, or even where to go Friday night, then yes, that is unhealthy.

    If either of you bottle up, ignore or avoid disagreements just because you can't stand to 'fight', then yes, that is unhealthy.

    Fights shouldn't escalate to name calling, phone call avoiding, or screaming, but if they aren't happening at all, you might want to take stock of the relationship, and yourself, because something is a bit off. No one agrees all the time and some disagreements are worth hashing out, not compromising over.

    An example might help this make more sense: I dated a boy for years who I never had a serious ‘fight’ with, but if you got the two of us talking about abortion we would probably go home furious with each other. We simply didn’t agree and never would when it came to that issue. There was no way to discuss it out or compromise on it. We had our principals and neither of us were going to budge. It made us damn angry with each other sometimes but that is a healthy fight, and I’m glad we had it. I’m glad both of us were strong enough people not to avoid the conflict.
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    The Question
    Me and a girl work in the library we do the same workstudy job. And, our job description does not include getting books for people unless they really need our help because for one we're not allowed to answer reference questions and most students can find there own books. But the girl asked me to find a book for her i asked her "You don't know how to find books?" she said yeah i do but i'm gonna go look for this book i need. So i agree but then i sas her over there talking to this cutie clear across the room no where near any books than she goes an dhugs another one. So I didn't get it 'cause if she can do that she can find her own book and i told her that. an i wrong, right, or just justified?

    The Answer
    You weren't in the right. You were simply rude, and rudeness is never justified.

    People in this world are always going to do lazy, silly, hypocritical things. If you respond to each person who you think is behaving this way with self-righteous indignation, you are going to make a lot of enemies and have a far harder time of it then you need to. Having a bit of generosity of spirit will make your own life far more enjoyable.

    As I see it, two things would have been 'right' in this situation:

    Politely declining to get the book for her in the first place.
    or
    After having agreed to get the book, retrieving it for her despite her behavior and simply taking a mental note that she may not be worth helping in the future.

    Take a deep breath dear and swallow a bit of that pride. If you get your panties in a bunch each time it looks like someone may kind of be taking just a little bit of advantage of you you are going to waste a lot of your energy and time being pissed off. In my estimation, thirty seconds of your time wasted on a lazy person is better then behaving like a jackass.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    So my ex, Eric [of over a year] is acting strange. Lately, he's like.. "since you have Bob. you don't need me around anymore haha" Yeah, I have a boyfriend. But my ex has a girlfriend [keep that in mind]

    And today.. Eric kept saying "you probably were talking to Bob while you were doing your homework"
    and i kept saying no because Eric got online first so... I talked to him first.

    I told him I wanted to hug him today.. when I saw him today. But Bob was holding me [it was raining] and Eric got to hug me quickly [but I didn't have time to hug back] so he says "i guess it wasn't much of a hug if you don't remember"

    and it sort of goes along with.. what he said earlier "it's okay. i know your boyfriend is more important than just a friend. and don't say he's not because you know he is"

    I've been with this boy for about 3 weeks and I don't know him well. Eric.. Of course I care about him. He's one of my best friends and he's very important to me. My friends come first.


    I keep telling Eric he's important to me over and over.. he keeps telling me NO or that I'm wrong. I talk to Eric almost every day online. [Just like my boyfriend] and I go to see the BOTH of them when I visit their school.

    I care about the both of them and I'm trying not to play favorites. Even though I should be closer with my boyfriend. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to come off as a bitch while saying , yeah I like you more than my boyfriend.. only because I've known Eric for years already and I feel more comfortable around him.


    Why is my ex acting like this? What does it mean?

    The Answer
    It means he is whiner who lays on the guilt when he isn't the center of attention.

    It's all fine and good to put your friends first, when they are acting like friends or are in genuine need. Eric isn't acting like a very good friend right now and he doesn't actually 'need' your constant reassurance. He is just selfishly seeking it. He is making unfair demands, he doesn’t trust you, and he is making you feel guilty for no reason whatsoever. Him telling you that you don't actually care for him is deeply childish and cruel to you. He may be deeply insecure, he may be jealous, but whatever the reason he is treating you shabbily right now and you should speak up.

    Tell him once more that he is important and do not listen to him argue with you. If he writes off your feelings or tell you that you don't really feel that way DON’T argue with him. That is just giving him the attention he desperately wants. Instead just say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you can still be my friend and learn to trust me."

    Do not let him drag you into a discussion about how much you care for him. You’ve told him this before and if he hasn’t got the message by now he never will.

    Do yourself a favor and stop feeding into his insecurities by constantly talking about them. This kind of behavior is purely and completely attention seeking. Tell him so. If he can’t trust in your friendship with him, then he is the one who is being a lousy friend, not you.
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    The Question
    well i have only had sex twice.
    the second time was last night and we didnt really go all the way.
    he was too drunk to..you know.. get hard but we did other stuff.
    he put it in me like twice but that was it and it didnt even go all the way in.
    he fingered me really hard and since then i have been bleeding a little bit down there.
    i know its not my period because i just got off like a week ago.
    and im kind of swollen and sore.
    and ive had to pee ALOT.
    is this normal and do you think that i might be pregnant?



    thanks in advance =]

    The Answer
    If you had unprotected sex, even for a moment, then it is possible for you to be pregnant.

    It's not normal to let a guy play with you until you are sore, blistering and bleeding. Next time tell the damn fool to stop and play gently. You'll be saving yourself, and any other girl he ever gets his hands on a huge favor if you can teach him that less is more when it comes to stimulating the female.

    Having to pee a lot is generally not one of the early symptoms of pregnancy. If urination burns or is painful, then you need to see a doctor because you likely have a painful, but relatively harmless, infection called a UTI. A very easy thing to get if you are sexual active, but it's more likely the whole area is just really sore and sensetive. Give your boy a good talking to!

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My fiance and I were In a car accadint recently. The guy was drunk and hit the passanger side of the car; The side I was on. This ended with me having 3 cracked ribs and a lot of bruises but other than that I was fine. Why the hospital kept me there for 5 days I don't know. They said I was in a coma, but I was only asleep for about two days and they drugged me up pretty good. Anyways, I was able to go home yesterday and ever since I got home my fiance has been extremely over protective and he even told me that he blames himself for what happened even though it's totally not his fault. I told him that but I can tell he still feels guilty and I don't know how to deal with that. Now back to him being overprotective, he won't let me do anything by myself. I know I have 3 cracked ribs but I know how to walk. He's pissing me off, however I do know he's just trying to help
    and that I shouldn't be annoyed or anything but I am. I know how to take care of myself. This morning I blew up on him saying that I didn't need him or his help and that he should just leave me alone, and som other stuff. Now I feel really bad, and I can tell i hurt him because I know he just wants me to be safe. I don't know what to say to him. I haven't talked to him since this morning and it's not that I'm mad at him anymore it's just that I don't know what to say. I guess I'm just tired of people asking If I'm okay or If I need anything and that I have to take time off of school. My fiance thinks I'm still mad at him and has tried to talk to me several times, but I don't know what to say so I just tell him I don't wan't to talk. It relly is seet that he wants to take care of me and all, but how do I approach the situation without hurting him or ending up having another fight? even though it wasn't really a fight, just me yelling at him.

    Sorry this is so long, I just really need advice.
    Thank-you so much to anyone who answers!

    The Answer
    Just apologize to him and let it be done with.

    You are angry and frustrated. He is guilty and scared. It's a lethal combination that is sure to cause some trouble. You know you stepped out of line when you yelled at him, so apologize for it. At the same time, realize that blowing up at him might have been the best way to make him realize your feelings.

    After you apologize, tell him what you just told us: That you are frustrated and tired of people babying you. Tell him you know he is only doing because he cares but that you wish he would stop. Promise him you will take care of yourself and ask for help if you need it.

    Keep that promise and you two will be just fine.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    about the question with the teachers ron-de-vu... and you gave them like a 10 minute answer that tells them the truth about how to stay out of it... i can not believe they gave you a 1! what do they expect us to say? we dont even know the teachers...! Lol. your score should be bumped up a little...it was the truth...not what they wanted to hear. i filed an abuse report already if you dont mind =x =]

    The Answer
    I don't mind at all about the abuse report at all. YG is probably sick to death of hearing from me. I'm always getting myself poor ratings. This site is constantly reminding me that I should work on my skills of persuasion and not be so... blunt?

    I know I was a bit harsh on them and it's the sort of behavior a lot of people, especially teenage girls, engage in. It is just too bad that I wasn’t able to get my message across.

    In the future tho, this is exactly the sort of comment that could get posted in my forum! There is actually a rule against posting personal comments as questions. Anyways, here’s the link to my forum if you ever want to chat more: http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutme.php?userboard_id=20556
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    so, there is this person, she's actually a teacher at my school. A lot of people think she's a lesbian(she's only 22 also) but me and my friends think that there is something going on between her and another teacher at my school (Man). so i'm wondering, how do you tell if a person is a lesbian? and what are some signs that people are having an affair. it's also a boarding school and they both live there.....
    i just want people's opinions, my school is kind of boring and not much happens so, my friends and I are trying to investigate :)
    this is why people think she's a lesbian:
    she is really athletic, coaches field hocket and softball
    dresses ungirly- like button up shirts, sweaters, slacks and jeans- nothing girly
    always wears her hair in a ponytail-never down
    really competitive and kind of a tough attitude

    This is why we think she is having an affair with my science teacher
    they sit together a lot, interact a lot
    walk places together
    his wife is out of town for a month, and we have only noticed them hanging out since she has been gone
    people have said they talked about "watching movies" at each others apartments or something like that
    once, she was wearing eyeliner and my friend was like "why are you wearing eyeliner?" like teasing her, because she doesn't usually wear makeup, and then my science teacher came in and my friend was like "wear are you going" and he said "nowhere you would want to go" (which seems very suspicious) and then the woman said "we're just going to the gym to play basketball"
    They just seem sort of, i dunno, together

    anyways i know this is long, but it's kinda funny, and i'm just wonderign what other people would think about this??
    hmmmm.....very suspicious

    The Answer
    I am using every ounce of self-control I have to not use some very nasty words as I try to explain to you why this IS NOT AN OKAY WAY TO ENTERTAIN YOURSELVES.

    I don’t care how bored you are. I don’t care if you live in a series of rooms all painted white with no windows and absolutely nothing more interesting then the sex lives of your teachers to talk about. Nothing can make the game you are playing a good one.

    It’s abusive and it’s cruel of you to sit around and speculate about these adult’s lives.

    Has it occurred to you, even for a moment, how harmful what you are doing could be? Not just because it’s none of your business and not just because there is likely nothing inappropriate going on, but because you discussing these things, starting and fueling these rumors could lead to intense emotional pain for both of these people? They could loose their jobs if someone takes your silly comments seriously. They could loose their livelihood, the respect of their peers and have their personal lives fall to pieces. All because a bunch of girls were bored.

    You will be faced with this dilemma often in your life and I promise you will not just be a better person, you will be a better liked and more respected person if you stop this gossip mongering. How would you feel if your teachers or fellow students put this much energy into dissecting your every move? Only to come up with the conclusion you were an adulteress? You would be pissed off! You would be hurt! You would feel betrayed and violated!

    This game you are playing is a really bad way to treat people. It will not win you friends. It will make you enemies. It will also make people think of you as irresponsible with your words and make them distrustful of you.

    So be mature about it and butt out. If you have nothing decent to say about someone else, keep your mouth shut.

    Watch soap operas if you need to talk about other people’s sex lives.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    for startersIm going to say this as apropriatly as i can

    I was sexualy asaulted by 6 guys && then a couple months later i was raped and my brother said "If this keeps happening people arent going to believe yu they will just think yu are crying wolf"

    well recently i was partying with some friends and i was drunk so i wanted to have fun but not have sex and i made that clear to everyone. me being bisexual i was all over my friend thats a girl. Well these two guys were looking on and one of them had already fucked my friend that night and the other liked me. well some how the guy that liked me ended up grabbing my friend and fucking her. The other guy grabbed me and i told him he cool lick meh down there so he did and then he put a condom on and i pushed him away and told him no i wasnt going to have sex with him And he said stuff like "let me just touch it i wont stick it in" and i told him again im not gona have sex with him. So he touched it nd told me he wasnt gona stick it in and then he tryd to nd i tryd pushing him away saying stop but he just pushed me down and told me to chyll out i tryd pushing him away again but he wouldnt listen nd so i just layd there nd he started having sex with me nd i was crying. after he was done i got up and ran off upstairs.

    What should i do? I dont even know if this is wrong it just makes me feel wrong and dirty. Is this wrong or not?

    The Answer
    Of course what they did was wrong. Hideous and terribly wrong. Nonconsensual sex is wrong. There never needs to be any doubt in your mind on that front.

    First you should report any assaults or rape, to a parent, to a teacher, to the police, whichever you are most comfortable with and then, if nothing else, start talking to a counselor.

    Secondly: STOP GOING TO PARTIES WHERE SEX IS THE MAIN FORM OF ENTAINMENT FOR THE GEUSTS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX.

    Did you honestly think this was a safe environment to go around exploring your sexuality? Did you think every girl there was perfectly safe just because she was going to say no?

    I'm not saying anything that happened is your fault, because it isn't. But you can't always trust strangers to take care of you and respect you. You have take care of yourself and not put yourself in potentially dangerous situations. Don’t walk down dark alleys all alone, don’t ride in a car without a seatbelt and don’t go places with people you can’t trust are doing a bunch of things you don’t want to do.

    Parties where random sex is happening are a really good place to get assaulted or raped. Walking out in the middle of a battlefield and telling everyone "I'm totally neutral in this war and I don't want to kill anyone. I just want to hang out on this battlefield! So no one kill me.” Well that’s just great, but someone might still kill you. That sort of thing happens on a battlefield. You shouldn’t take silly risks. Don’t hang out on battlefields.

    Again, I’m not saying it’s your fault. What the guys did to you is completely wrong. But at least in this most recent situation, you might have been able to avoid the whole problem by thinking your actions through and behaving with a bit more caution.

    Your feelings are something you should really work out with a counselor. You don’t need to go around feeling awful about yourself. You need to be able to love yourself and take care of yourself. Get some guidance. No one expects a teen to figure all these things out by themselves.
    (View All Other Answers.)



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