Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    Alright so, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and we've started having sex. We usually use condoms, but I was wondering.. how effective is the "pull-out method" i know a lot of people think it should be shunned but, i know a lot of people who have done it a lot and have had nothing happen. What do you guys think?

    The Answer
    The pull out method or withdrawal method is NOT an effective form of birth control at all. Even before a male ejaculates there is a good deal of sperm released in his pre-cum. Those you know who have used this method without a problem are rather lucky, because the failure rate is about 30% (compare that to 2% for condoms and 1% or less for the pill).

    Besides that, to even use the pull out method properly a guy needs to be able to know when he will ejaculate and withdraw beforehand. Many younger guys don’t have the discipline or control to manage this.

    Keep using condoms dear. Don’t take a gamble where birth control is concerned.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Well, for starters, I'm a freshman in high school (15/f). I like this guy in one of my classes, and he's really nice and we talk and all, but my problem is that he's a junior. I'm not worried about him using me or anything bad like that. I just don't know if he would consider going out with a freshman. Should I still go for him, or give up before I start? I'm probably going to go for him anyway, I just wanted to see what others think.

    The Answer
    Never ever give up before you start.

    Give up when it becomes rediculas or embaressing to continue (and sometimes not even then.)
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Okay i really want a dog of my own that I take care of and I feed. Im ready for it. But we already have a dog and my mom always says "we are a one dog household" and i just want a small yorkie or a jack russel, or even a chi wa wa. How can i prove to her im ready?? I need advice.

    The Answer
    Quite honestly dear, your mom's refusal probably has nothing to do with you being ready. You could be quite perfectly ready and she just does not want another dog in her home period. That is her choice to make.

    Your best bet, if you still want to pursue this, is to find out what exactly her issue with another dog would be and try to address that. If she thinks it costs too much, offer to help pay, if she thinks they wont get walked enough, make up a contract for you to sign about what you will do to take care of a dog. However, if in the end your mother simply does not want another dog in her home, you are going to have to deal with that, because that is her call.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Okay so i seriously believe i need to be put back on anti-depressants. i've been on them about 3 years ago. and once i got off of them i was fine...until about a week ago...i've been depressed for almost 2 weeks now and everyday suicide sounds so much better than continuing...it's like it's the answers to my prayers..dont lecture me on how suicide is bad and blah blah blah because i know...obviously i know. my real problem here is telling my mom. i'm too young to get the meds. myself and she'd know anyways. i dont want to tell my doctor especially because she'll ask alot of questions about why i'm having suicidal thoughts and all this bull and i cant give her a straight answer. I dont like talking about it. I just want the damn medicine without all the hassle. and no...i'm not addicted, i just dont like being treated like a psycho. what can i say to my mom and my doctor to let them both know i want to be put back on anti-depressants? thanks in advance!

    The Answer
    Just tell them you want to be back on anti-depressants.

    They are going to ask questions. The doctor would ask you the same questions if you where 32 years old. I have gone on and off SSRI's three times in my life and they ask the same questions every time. They just want to make sure that it really is depression and not anemia, your thyroid, or some other illness that is causing depression. Doctors will ALWAYS look to a physical cause of depression before assuming it is physiological. That is the exact opposite of treating you like a physco dear.

    The good news is they probably wonâ??t ask nearly so many questions as they did the first time since you have experienced depression and been on medication before.

    But you will not get any help unless you speak up, and medication is no quick fix. It takes weeks to work, so you'll likely be encouraged to get some counseling as well. Medication doesn't cure depression, it just treats it. Counseling is the only thing that can cure depression.

    Just be clear with them both that medication is what you would like and answer their questions as honestly and as clearly as you can. Refusing to answer is what will make them unsure about giving you medications, if you are mature and upfront about everything, even the questions you donâ??t really know the answers too, they will be more likely to respect your opinion and choice and give you the anti-depressants.

    One last thing. You probably haven't been feeling depressed for two weeks, it tends not to come on that fast. You probably first started feeling this way a month ago or more. The quicker you can identify these feelings and thoughts, the easier it is to ask for help and the quicker you can get the medication working for you. So think back and pay attention, if this is something you are going to have to live with you, you need to learn how to deal with it in the best possible way.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm in a bit of an awkward possition. My girlfriend and I have recently been doing some exploration with our bodies and have stopped using condoms all together. A few days ago I found out that she wants to have children and that she doesnt want to wait till we're out of high school. I've also heard rumors from my friends that she's planning something. I want to know if, well, its alright to have children at a young age.

    The Answer
    Far more important then 'is it alright?' is this what you want?

    Because it's alright if she wants children, but if she has taken steps towards having children without explicitly informing you then she is trying to trap you dear and use you for her own selfish ends. That is not okay. That is vicious and you should feel free to tell her so.

    Is it alright to have children while in high school? Biologically, sure. Is it a good idea? Of course not. I’m sure you are not an idiot: you don't need us to tell you that. It's an awful idea and not a very smart thing to actively pursue. Yes, accidents happen and people deal with them as well as they can, but it is incredibly difficult. Why would you want that for yourself, or a child?

    Sit down with your girlfriend immediately and talk about what it is you want. If you both want to walk down the path of teen pregnancy, fine. Sadly no one can stop you from making stupid choices, just do yourself a favor and don't expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows.

    If you don't want a child, take control of birth control yourself, because your girlfriend has already proven she is capable of being underhanded and untruthful in order to get what she wants. She will bind you to her forever with a child, financially and emotionally.
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    The Question
    hey! does anyone know if you need a special stamp to mail to canada?? thanks!

    The Answer
    No, you just need to put enough postage on since it costs more to mail something over the boarder. I believe it's 60 cents, but you could ask at a local post office to be sure.
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    The Question
    alright i probably know what your going to say but i'm asking anyways. Me and my boy friend ahv bin having sex without condoms for about 8 months now, but i'm on bith control, is it still a bad idea to continue with this.

    The Answer
    Sex is risky, it just is, but if you are using birth control properly then maybe you've just decided that that tiny risk of pregnancy and risk of STD's are acceptable risks to take.

    If that is your choice that is absolutely fine. Great even! You know what the problems could be and you could use condoms to reduce the risk even further, but you don't have too.

    Basically, if you know what you are doing and are happy with the situation, then it's a fine arrangement. If you are feeling nervous and want more protection, then you need to change.
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    The Question
    They are librarians at my school who are discriminating to me they think that I am some kind of spy that just comes to make trouble. I am black yes I'm black I only come to library when there is i,portant work to be done. They will harass me accuse me of stealing my own ID card, and the fact that they think just because I come during study hall I am ditching a class. Should I report to the NAACP or what. What did I do wrong. Its hard just to take that especially when they are just old librarians. Its so heartbreaking. What should I do

    The Answer
    If you think they are actually being racist report them to principal first and foremost.

    But honestly, they probably aren't being racist, just hardasses who have labeled you as a troublemaker. Did you do something get this label? Are they just nuts? Or is there maybe something in the way you speak to these 'just old librarians' that might be a bit disrespectful? Quite frankly, they might just not like you and they are allowed to not like you. Unless you can prove they have a pattern of abuse of people of a particular race or they have made openly racist comments you won’t be able to prove any sort of racial discrimination. Asking you if you are supposed to be in class and checking ID is pretty normal school employee behavior.

    If you go through life expecting to be discriminated against, you will find discrimination everywhere you look. If you go through life assuming the best in people, you will live a happier more peaceful life, and you will be much better equipped to deal with those who are actually discrimination against you.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    what age bra SHOULD you be wearing when your 13
    when your 14 and when your 15

    I am 28a anD I am 14 - under average help

    The Answer
    There is no standard for breast developement. Wear a bra that fits. Period.
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    The Question
    My skin is really sensitive and the lace bra that i'm wearing isn't helping but it's the only one I have because bras these days were really expensive. I was going to try Wal Mart but I heard that they're really expensive. And for a teen my breast size is smaller than the average so bra sizes for me are hard to find.

    The Answer
    Have you ever tried H and M? One recently moved into my town and I've fallen in love with thier underwear. Thier bras only run between 16 and 25 dollars (Canadian) and I've been really happy with them.

    Check it out: http://www.hm.com/ca/
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Yesterday I asked a question about my boyfriend being too friendly with a female. I got mad at him and he went into a depression and said I am doing it to him. Later he got offended and depressed again when I let him know about the responses I got from this site that were beneficial to me,is he feeling guilty about his behavior, are my suspicions of his impending cheating true?Usually he is very upbeat. I think He is way too sensitive about the subject.

    The Answer
    No one ever, and I mean EVER, causes depression in another person. That statement smacks of something a guy would say to control you and make you feel guilty, when in fact, it is him who has messed up.

    I can't see your question from yesterday, perhaps you've deleted it, so I don't want to weigh in on who is over reacting. However, you have been asking a quite a few questions lately about your boyfriend's inapropraite way of viewing and ineracting with women, maybe it is time for you to start asking "Is he really worth it?"
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    The Question
    If a guy doesn't come in you, is it considered sex?

    The Answer
    Yes.

    sexual intercourse
    Function: noun
    1 : heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis.

    2006 Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Good arguments that atheists might use against religious people, usually Christians? I deal with a lot of rather annoying fundamentalists.

    (And if you are going to answer this by telling me how I need to let "god's love into my heart", then please press the back button on your browser now. There's a pretty good chance you sicken me."

    The Answer
    I asked a very simlilar question a long time ago and when I started to answer you question I found myself parapharsing a lot of what I learned then. So if you can forgive me, I'm just going to link you to that question since I know I can't put it as well as it already has been by Saint_Gasoline and TheOldOne:

    http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=363056
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    hey I'm 15 and there's thsi really good product that get rid of hairs PERMANATELY! Great huh? Well people concider 15 years of age is young so should I use it? Because I'm not sure if young people should use it but what's the harm of getting rid of unwanted hair sooner?

    http://www.nevershaveagain.com/default.aspx?source=overture&word=lhr23

    The Answer
    You should not use it because it is a scam.

    Home electrolysis kits DO NOT WORK. In order to remove hair with radio waves a needle must be inserted into the skin and be right against the hair follicle. That must be done by a professional and tweezers can not manage it, they can’t damage the hair folicile because they are to far way from it. This product will take ages to use, cost a small fortune and the hair will grow right back.

    Check out these people's stories dear and don't believe everything you read online: http://www.hairtell.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/17714/an/0/page/0

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My friends have told me that you don't need to study for driver's ed..that it's all common sense and just plain easy.

    Should I take their advice and not study? I've asked friends from other states and schools and they've all said that studying is pointless, but no one I know has had my driver's ed teacher before.

    The Answer
    Yes, it is mostly common sense.

    I know a good number of people pass without studying, but really, studying for it takes less then an hour. There really isn't that much information, just a few details to remember ("How far back from a loading or unloading school bus do you stop?" for instance) and isn't that time worth it to be sure you wont have to take it again?

    Just read over your notes and then relax. It doesn't really matter who your teacher is, the tests don't leave any room for teacher interpretation or for the teacher to make it harder, the questions are typically just fill in the blank and multiple choice. You’ll be fine.
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    The Question
    so this guy crashed my bat mitzvah and he thinks i wanted him there (thats why he came). We dated about 8 months ago. He told me multiple times throughout the past month that he really likes me, but he leaves my bff comments on her myspace telling her thats shes pretty, smart, blah, blah, blah. My bat mitzvah was last weekend and he showed up and it was a black tie affair and stuff. Security took him out and he when he got home he started posting myspace bulletins about me saying i was a whore and stuff like that. he says that if anyone owes an apology, i owe him one for the security. About 5 hours before my bat mitzvah service (before the party) he promised me that he wouldnt crash it. As you can see, he lied. Its been about a week since it happened but im still mad at him for what he did. Hes always trying to talk to me or kiss me to "try and make up for what he did wrong." What should I do? at school we all have advisors (theyre actually teachers but theyre assigned to four students and we all meet every week). i told my advisor about the incident and she is not only my advisor, she's HIS teacher. the school knows about what happened and everything and theyve talked to him. He still doesnt think he did anything wrong and he wants me to have a relationship with him... I like someone else, but hes insisted that i Cant like the someone else. hes a freshman in high school and im in 8th grade. were both 14, but im older than him. my myspace is www.myspace.com/party so if u could help me out either there or on advicenators, that would be amazing ♥ and do you think i should forgive him?

    The Answer
    No, you should absolutly not forgive him and don't you dare feel guilty about it. This guy is is not in touch with reality and has crossed the line: He is now stalking you.

    I'm so happy to know you advisor is aware of this and your school is taking it seriously. The very best thing you can do now is keep them informed of the things he is saying and doing, but at the same time do everything in your power to avoid him, in person and online. Ignore any posts or e-mails he might make. Do your best to act like he does not exist. You do not have to polite to stalkers.

    This guy just does not get it, and he wont get it, no matter how much you tell him. So protect yourself and keep as much distance from him as you can.
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    The Question
    ok me and my girl have been together for 4 months and 28 days and we are GREAT everything is great and we are really comfortable and well her dad is a peer prick i absolutly cant stand him. He used to beat her and stuff but now he will scream at her for nothin, And he thinks she spends to much time with me and we only get to actually spend time with each other one time a week and her dad dont trust us enough to even let us set in the car together at a store so that kinda shows how much he likes me. He also said that if her grades dont come up then she cant see me ATT ALL and i dont think eather one of us can handle that. Does anyone know what i can do to get him to leave her alone?......

    The Answer
    You can't get him to leave her alone.

    You are her teenage boyfriend; their relationship is totally out of your control and none of your business beyond listening to her vent.

    If he is abusive towards her, encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone who can get the authorities involved. That is the very best thing you can do to help.

    Not allowing a teen to socialize, with a boyfriend or with friends, because of poor grades is a perfectly valid punishment in my opinion. If her father’s standards are unrealistic, then that is something she will need to work out with him, not something you can affect at all.

    So in short: If he is abusive, encourage her to get help. Otherwise, be a shoulder for her to cry on and someone for her to vent to. This is her relationship with her father; they are the only two people who can fix it. You can’t meddle without causing even more trouble, so don’t try. Just listen, advise and maybe help her study.
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    The Question
    I have been throwing up for a very long time....it feels like in between where my ribs meet is swollen and my tummy also gets very bloated? could soemthign be wrong with me? im very scared

    The Answer
    If you have bulimia, then yes, there is most certainly something wrong with you: You have bulimia, and you need to see a doctor right away.

    Swelling like you are describing might just be your body's response to be so poorly nurished but it could also be the symptom of a serious infection in your espogous, stomach or intestines. You abosoltely must have a doctor look into it.
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    The Question
    what does bulimia do to your body? and what effects does it have to people in the long run?

    The Answer
    Over the short term bulimia will cause irritation and inflammation in the throat, mouth and gums, after a few months being bulimic, your teeth begin to rot from the stomach acid flowing pas them. A person might also developer gum disease and swelling in your cheeks from that acid. Vomiting too often and violently can also rupture the esophagus.

    As for the long term effects of bulimia, I'll just list a few of 'em to keep it short: Malnutrition (obviously), dehydration, dry skin, weak nails, hair loss, high blood pressure, iron deficiency and cancer of the throat or voice box. There are also numerous diseases you can develop in your intestines and kidneys and bulimia makes pregnancy more risky for women.

    That is a quick summary of the wonderful effects of this eating disorder. If you or someone you know is suffering from it, tell an adult and tell them quickly. Bulimia can kill, no matter how little it’s being done.
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    The Question
    I have been taking accutance for 6 years now...is it possible that i could have drug inducced lupus?

    The Answer
    Accutane has been connected to lupus and there are several court cases pending agianst the company that makes Accutane. However there is no medical proof or studies to determain if Accutane actually causes lupus.

    Talk to a doctor if something is wrong.
    (View All Other Answers.)




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