Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    This is really really iffy. My family obviously thinks that: homosexuals are a disgrace and they're ruining the world and that they should die before they spread their "diseas" to other people and I know that's complete bs. I'm in 9th grade and my friends who I'm going to talk about are in 9th and 10th grade. I'm bi and I have about 10 bi friends and 3 gay friends. I can't tell my family the truth about all my friends because they'll say "You are not to associate with them in any way shape or form..stay away from them" etc and I won't be able to hang out with them anymore. My best friend who is gay and I are really close along with my other gay friend. I can't go over to their houses at all alon ebecause my mom thinks they'll stone me and rape me. And I can't say that they're gay and so either way I can't hang out with my gay guy friends. I like this girl at school and I want to ask her out but that's complicated because I have some friends at school that know and will tell my sister if they found out about my orientation. So I really don't know what to do. I can't talk about it with my family because they'll just get mad at me and yell at me for being a heretic from the family...and I'm just frustrated with this situation because I'm so tied down...what do I do?!?!

    The Answer
    The simple brutal truth of the universe is this: Your family is not going to change.

    They will always think homosexuality is wrong. You can yell, you can scream, you can fight them and argue logically with them, you can take them to counseling and hand the pamphlets and try everything under the sun to convince them otherwise and they will probably never budge an inch.

    Make your peace with that fact now, and you will save yourself a lot on angst.

    I know most people say “Your parents will love you anyways” or “They will get used to idea.” and maybe your family will. But realistically, a lot of families don’t. When I start hearing things like ‘they should all die before they spread their diseases’ I don’t hold out much hope for reluctant acceptance. If your family has declared war on homosexuality the best thing you can do is refuse to fight.

    The good news is as you get older and more independent, it gets easier to deal with your family. Your sexuality is not something to fight over. It’s a fact as benign as your hair colour. Don’t let it become something to war over.

    You don’t need discuss your sexuality with them if you don’t want to. You absolutely DO NOT have to discuss the sexuality of your friends. That is plainly none of their business.

    Yes, you are tied down by their intolerance. Living under their roof might mean not dating the same sex until you move out, or at least until you get older and they have less say in what you do and where you go. At best, you may be able to strike up a happy relationship with someone who understands the boundaries you are faced with by your family. But at fourteen, you are probably stuck either sitting back and waiting, keeping it on the down low or getting labeled the enemy in their pointless war.

    It’s not about hiding though; it’s about refusing to fight a battle you can’t possibly win.

    Have strength dear. This too can be endured. Don’t let the present destroy you. Keep an eye to the future and a tidy escape.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I noticed today that my cervix is a very funny shape. Let's just say the head is tear drop shaped and the triangle part of the tear shape molds to my G-spot. It's odd... I was wondering if this is something abnormal about this, or if I should go get it checked out. Thanks for all your help in advance!!!

    The Answer
    Have you been to a gyno? Have you had a full physical? Because at your age you should have gone at least once.

    If you have had a gyno exam: you are fine and you are stressing over nothing. If you haven't, you might as well and put these silly fears to rest. You are not a doctor. You have probably not reached up inside any other women�s vagina. You don't know what is 'normal', so unless you are pain stop stressing over these pointless things! Make an appointment because every girl should go, and because it will help you relax.

    I think you are fine. I think you are probably miss-identifying the parts inside of you.

    EDIT: My comment about you miss-identifying has nothing to do with your age babe. I'm 21, not exactly an old hag, and have a pretty good relationship with my own body, but even I doubt I could reach inside myself and properly identify everything I touched. It's easy to make yourself quite sick over nothing at all when you lack the information to interpret things correctly. Think of ancient peoples who didn't know albinos were a natural variation. They thought they were demons. When the human mind lacks the correct information it nearly always jumps the worst possible explanation.

    That is true for everyone on every topic, not just teens and sex. If anything, that is the point I'm trying to make. If you lack experience and information so don't make yourself sick with worry, relax go find someone who does understand.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    aalright, me and my bf arn't exactly intimatly active, but hes had sex one time before me, and he has this idea, that hes going to "screw every hole in me" (dont ask) and hes discussed it before, and he thinks fingering a females ass is pleasureable to her, however, i'm a girl, and i'm pretty sure it doesn't work Oo. well, am I just wrong? i mean, i've never done it before, but it doesnt sound like too much fun. I Know for guys, if done right a girl can finger a guys prostate (pegging), but Idk about the other way around?

    and if he is wrong, how the hell am i gonna tell him?!

    pplease guys, i dont wanna get screwed somewhere i shouldn't Oo!!!

    The Answer
    There is no right or wrong here.
    It is entirely up to you.
    Lots of people, men and women, find anal play really enjoyable.
    If you don't like the idea, and you don't want to try it that is all you have to tell him.

    But he isn't 'wrong' about it being pleasurable. It just might not be pleasurable for you. Or you might find out you really like it. Either is fine.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Well to start out with I`m a 16/female.
    My boyfriend is 24 years old.
    My parents are fine with our relationship, so yeah.

    Today we were hanging out, and I got really mad at him for a dumb reason. So then he told me he didn`t think that things could work. I started crying & eventually fell asleep. When I woke up he told me he had taken 12 anxiety pills, which could potentially put him into a coma.

    I could've care less about that, I was more worried about myself and I felt bad for me because I hated the fact that he had broken up with me. We then went to a coffee house to watch his friends band play. I was still crying, I couldn`t help myself.

    I stormed out, to call my best friend because I needed to tell someone what had happened. Then him & friend came out of the coffee house & said, "Hey Mari we have to go now!" I was like "What's going on now?" Mikes friend had told Mikes mother & brother about it, so like we had to go back to Mike`s apartment. They told me I had to go upstairs while everyone talked, which was fine.

    His mother drove me home, and I didn`t get to say good bye to Mike. :[ She was saying how me & him should stop seeing each other, because it`s not a good time for him to be in a relationship & I`m causing him way too much stress.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO?
    Oh my gosh, I`m so confused. I`d appreciate any response.

    Thanks in advance, =]

    The Answer
    Even if you were the same age dear, this would be happening. Mike is a royally messed-up human being, with the strength, energy or sanity to be with another person right now.

    There is no shame in that. We are all messed-up sometimes. It is just important that we realize we are too messed-up to drag someone else through it with us.

    Mike has now realized that he is way too unhinged to be in a relationship. That doesn't have anything to do with you. You could be fucking perfect for him! He still can't be with you right now; maybe he never will be able too. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.

    You aren't equipped to help him through this. I'm not even sure you want to help him through this. He doesn't want your help. He doesn't want to be with you. His bad behavior and messed-upness is already hurting you. If you stayed together it you would only hurt both of you more.

    You should let him go. Completely. I wouldn't even recommend trying to remain friends. There is simply too much angst there. Cry it out and move on, and try not to date people who can't handle being with another person. Be okay with yourself, and find someone who is okay with themselves before you try and make an 'us' out of it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Two quick questions here. My boyfriend and i (of 1 year 1 month today) are spending new years together. Ill be spending the night at his house. we have done everything BUT sex so far...but i think were ready to move a step forward (im not positive yet...im sleeping on it for a few nights). Anyways....on to the questions
    1.) Sooo my bf got a condom from a reliable friend id say....5 months ago...and its an individual one..and it doesnt have a expiration date on it. i was wondering if like condoms go bad after that amount of time or if its more along the lines of a year or something. I know people are supposed to pay close attention to the exp. date...and it sucks that it doesnt have it on it.
    2) Is it more likely to not get pregnant if you are having your period (i think i may have mine tomorrow) ? I know he wont care if its bloody/yucky...but i was wondering if it wood be a good thing to be having sex during it (or vice versa...a bad thing). We will, of course, be using that condom.

    Soooorrry its so long but i really hope i can have some help with this!! thanks!!!

    The Answer
    If wouldn't be a bad idea to buy another condom, however most decent brands (Durex, Trojan and such) expire 1 to 5 years after they are made, so you are probably safe. Also, make sure the condom has been stored someplace cool, not out in the sun and that the wrapper hasn’t been torn or broken. If you aren't using a reliable name brand, go get one, they are only slightly more reliable, but I’d say it’s worth it.

    I am firm believer that if you are not mature enough to go into a store and confidently purchase birth control, you aren’t mature enough to have sex.

    Secondly, yes you are less likely get pregnant on your period then you are three days after it, but that doesn’t mean its risk free. Sperm can live in the female body for several days and women don’t ovulate at the same time each cycle. So you have the right idea: Use a condom.

    There is nothing wrong with having sex on your period if you and your guy are comfortable with it. Some women even enjoy it more, apparently it reduces cramps, but some others find it simply uncomfortable. Blood doesn’t make good lubricant. Keep in mind however if this is something you are going to, during your period you are even more at risk to give and get STD’s and viruses. So stick with the condom plan and clean yourselves up afterwards to prevent other common infections like yeast or UTI’s from developing.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    my friend is in jail and i really want to go see him but i have no idea how...my parents would never let me go visit him but i have friends who are 18+. do i need someone to be 18 years or older to go with me? do i need to make an appointment? and how much trouble could i get in if i lied and told the officers i was his sister just to see him?

    The Answer
    There are a lot of factors involved here that we can't possibly know like what kind of facility he is in, what state you are in, how, where and how long he is being held for...

    You best bet is contact someone who has visited him and ask them how they went about it. His family might be a good place to start. If nothing else, they will likely have his mailing address so you could send a letter.

    If you lied and said you were his sister... I'm not sure how much trouble you would get in. But it would defiantly be enough trouble that they would call your parents and tell them what you had done.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Alright this is the very first time i even discussed the this anywhere either in person or online. so here goes. Im a 38 year old truck driver. I live in Maine. I have trouble speaking to strangers. I drive all week alone by myself and usually spend the weekend home alone. I dont like being alone. but I cant seem to talk myself into going out. I dont believe im looking for sympathy. Im looking for motivation. I dont do well around large crouds of people and starting up conversations is Very uncomfortable for me. Im unmotivated unless it comes to my job. i hardly ever finish anything i start unless it comes to my job. I am a very disorganized person. Personally I think my self esteme is quite low. I know i have problems and issues but it all seems so overwelming that i dont know what to do so I dont do anything and thats not getting me anywhere. Making decisions is very difficult for me. However I feel i am very intelligent. I have tried without success to help myself and am getting nowhere quite rapidly. I have medical insurance but dont know where to go or who to see. Or if thats even covered. Please just help me get going in the right direction.

    The Answer
    Do you have a family doctor? A local clinic you use? Because those are fine places to begin. In fact, those are the right places to begin, because they are the ones who have information on the resources available in your own community. The first step in seeking help is normally the hardest, but if you can reach out the family doctor, they will help you take the next steps. They might also check things like your blood and urine. Physical conditions can have a huge effect on your mental state, and they will want to rule those out, or help you get treatment for the physical issues, so you can work on the other issues without that interfering.

    I wont overwhelm you with anyother tips or tricks at the moment. Just make an appointment with your doctor, or any family doctor. Don't be put off if they seem clinical or impersonal: This sort of thing is difficult for you, but it is a cakewalk for them. They simply need to make sure there is nothing physical holding you back, and then help you pick the right kind of resource and give you a referral.

    Depending on the kind of services or counseling they refer you too it may or may not be covered by your insurance. Regardless, it will be a damn good investment I promise. If money is an issue though, mention that to the doctor.

    Please come on back if there is anything we can help with.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    18/F
    Ok I work with Shauna and we have a lot of fun at work. She used to be one of the people, among a few, at work that I work really well as a team with. On days with her, both our performances were up.
    She's very attractive by typicals standards; blonde, blue eyed etc. She is also a lesbian, but that doesn't stop her from flirting with men around work for her benefit.
    At our work party, I was pretty plastered and I expressed to another workmate about how disgusting it was that she was sleazing around like that and it was degrading to all lesbians everywhere who have to try so hard to gain acceptance etc. She was within hearing range and I knew she was but it didn't stop me from saying it. Later on, I apologized and we laughed it off.
    Another coworker approached me yesterday and told me that she's been telling workers that I'm in love with her and am jealous or something of the guys she flirts with. She's keeps hinting at how good we are working together and making crude jokes (jokes we used to make before except now she's more vulgar and specific). She's also told someone else that she wants to ask me out.
    Okay, now I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her feelings and tell her I'm not a lesbian and what I said at the party didn't mean anything. She has a tendency to take things very personally and not being able to think rationally. She also has a very quick temper. Any advice at all?

    The Answer
    I would leave it be for now. Shauna sounds prickly so if she has something to say to you, let her approach you. If you overhear her saying something inappropriate by all means tell her you find that inappropriate and feel she is taking your friendly joking too far.

    It doesn't sound to me, although you may feel differently, that the inappropriate comments she is making (which you have only heard about second-hand) warrant confronting her. She might simply be stirring the pot because your comments hit a nerve and she doesn’t know how to deal with that. She might also be trying to embarrass you in front of co-workers, but those sorts of comments will only make most intelligent people embarrassed on her behalf. The way you describe her, as quite sensitive and a bit emotional, I think this issue might blow over if you simply treat her with respect, but not be overly friendly. Most people put out feelers before they actually jump into asking someone out. If you gently ignore or dismiss her comments or actions towards you that are too intimate (hugging, pecks, inappropriate jokes and comments), she might have the good sense to move on.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    How does "Plumping Lipgloss" work?
    I bought some yesterday, and it said your lips should tingle, which they did, but what does the mean/how does it plump your lips?
    also, if it does plump your lips, how long does it last?

    The Answer
    Lip plumping lip glosses work by irritating your skin. Think of it like a bee sting: it gets irritated so the flesh swells up around it. (Some of the first plumping products were actually made with bee venom, weird eh?)

    Anyways, that’s why is tingles or 'stings'. Different products claim to last for different lengths of time, but if you have allergies be careful with those products, you are basically placing a very low grade poison on your skin. Also, some people have said you might build up a tolerance to the irritant over time and the gloss will stop working.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Heres the problem...
    I have;
    -Buck teeth
    -A gap between my front [buck] teeth.

    I've had a pallet expander whcih I believe is the reason for the gap.

    Any *CHEAP* solutions besides braces?

    thx.

    The Answer
    No.

    Large gaps can be fixed by orthodontistry like braces and retainers, or dental surgery. Both expensive. Both requiring a doctor.

    Besides, going to a bargain basement dentist would be like going to a discount doctors office: A very dumb idea. Since you have a pallet extender, you probably already have a orthodontist. Ask them for your options but don't muck around when it comes to your health.

    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Is there any other movies with Channing Tatum in it except step up and shes the man because i already have them.

    thanks :]

    The Answer
    There is this great website www.imdb.com which is the internatinal movie database and records, in detail, everything an actor has ever done in a flim or on tv. If you ever want to find out more about an actor, check there frist.

    Channing Tantum's page is right here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1475594/
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I live in the US (michigan,) but i want to buy a a TV series on dvd and it's only sold in europe and australia. I found some on amazon and ebay and they say stuff like region 2. Can i not watch these in my US dvd player? How does this whole region thing work? Thanks.

    The Answer
    EDIT *Yes, with the correct software you should be able to watch DVD's from other zones on your computer. Some DVD players are also set to zone 0 and able to play the DVD's, but for that you will need to check the information on your DVD player model.

    If you don't have software to run zone 2 DVD's, here is the link (the very same link you will have come accross on the wikipedia page if you've read it) for a program that will run them: http://www.videolan.org/vlc/ *


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Region_1

    This question could have been very easily been answered by a google search, but in essence, producers of DVDs have divided the planet into distribution zones.

    The US is in zone 1. Most DVD players in America will only play Zone 1 DVDs. You can check yours, but you will probably need to find a zone 1 copy of the disk, or else watch them only on your computer.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Should I cancel a credit card, and how will it benifit me. I am over my limit and really have no use for the card, but it just seems to keep piling up...please help. Thanks.

    Jenn

    The Answer
    Do NOT cancel your credit card if you are carrying a balance. The money you owe will not go away, in fact, it might just get bigger even faster.

    If you are carrying a balance and tell the credit card company you are closing or thinking of closing most will jack up your interest rate to the maximum allowed as a penalty for leaving.

    Also, for reasons I find too complex to explain here, closing a credit card with a balance actually hurts your credit limit even more then leaving it open and slowly paying it down will.

    There is really no benefit to closing your line of credit while carrying a balance. You must simply use some self control and not use it anymore. Pay it off, and then close it.

    If you really can't restraint yourself without canceling the card, then do that, but other then removing the temptation, it won't be beneficial.

    If you are having trouble with debt contact your bank, look into consolidating it, reducing your payments or your interest rates. Some people have even been known to pay off one line of credit with another that has a lower interest rate. So speak to your banker, and if they aren't helpful look for a community resources to help you manage your debt. There are a lot of ways to address the problem, but it's really something you want professional advice on first.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    AH! People on this site who ask for help frustrate me. Not all people do this but several do. Advice is where people from all different points of view give the honest answer they think even if it's brutal. Yet when some people do give honest answers, the questioner, who doesn't like the answer, decides to give a 1 for not getting a sugar coated answer. If we all said "Yeah, you're right, this and that" blah blah than those arn't advice...so I guess I'm asking why do people do that and is there any way to clarify to people that advice is not always sugar coated and that giving a 1 because they don't like the answer is just a;skljga;lkjg?

    The Answer
    I know the FAQ isn’t really clear on this, but we’ve gone over this dozens of times in the moderator forum:

    Answers that receive a 1 rating should be god-awful, unbelievable bad, abusive, insulting answers. They should nearly always be accompanied by an abuse report. They should be that bad!
    One's received for advice a questioner simply does not agree with or like SHOULD BE REPORTED.

    It is RATINGS ABUSE to rate someone a 1 unless their answer is harmful, abusive, or wholly inappropriate in some other way. If a questioner regularly doles out 1's just because they don't like what they hear moderators will contact them.

    I know I just suck it up when I get 1’s sometimes, but you should feel free to report questioner who give you underserved 1s. They should be rating at least 2 unless you told them to go eat rat poison.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i'm getting 2 teeth pulled in the back, but they are not far back they are the the first 2 teeth in the front of the back of my mouth on opposite sides on the bottom.

    yeah, i was wondering how much will the novicane shot hurt? my friend said she didn't feel it, my other friend said it hurt the worst but like on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it really?

    and i'm really scared for tomorrow. is it that bad?

    kay,thanks

    The Answer
    Part of it is the skill of the person with the needle. Some people are just better at giving shots then others. But by and large, no it doesn't hurt that much. It certainly isn't plesant, but I wouldn't rate it much higher then stubbing your toe on a rock or geting a soccerball kicked at you. It hurts, but it passes quickly and isn't unbearable.

    Recovery for dental surgery is really boring and icky though, so make sure you take it easy and have lots of soft foods around.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    F/16

    I've been in and out of the hospital since October and I've spent the past week and a 1/2 in the hospital, so I haven't seen my boyfriend very much. We were both invited to our friend's new years eve party and I might be home by then to go. The problem is my mom doesnt think its a good idea for me to go to someone elses house when I just got home from the hospital...

    So my mom was like why can't BJ[my boyfriend] just come over to our house? so I asked him and he got all mad at me and was like "no I really want to go to this party, I didnt go last year" and he is making me feel like crap...

    So should I just keep asking my mom and see how I feel on that day or just suck it up and stay home alone?

    Thanks

    The Answer
    I would wait and see how you feel.

    You might also try working out a compromise with your boyfriend, like having him over for dinner or to watch a movie before he heads out to the party. I really don't think he is being a jerk for wanting to go, but don't you feel guilty just because you can't. The way I see it: if you aren't well enough to go, then you probably shouldn't stay up all night anyways, you should hit the hay and get some sleep.

    If you do end up staying home, why not make a nice night of it for you and your mom? Rent some chick flicks and enjoy eachother's company. After you being in the hospital you both could probably use some chill time.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ive none my best friend since 1st grade and im now in 10th...a few years ago she would constantly tell people lies for attention all the tim...then she moved away with her mom and her moms b/f.when she came home she had told everyone he raped her..we knew he hit her but we werent sure about this.after she said he rapped her she admitted that he didnt.just a few days ago she said he did. ok my first question is why does she keep chaning her story? i honestly belive he didnt rape her because weve talked about sex before and she says things like im so afraid what it will feel like the first time. i dont want to bring it up with her because everytime i do she always goes he rapped me why dont you belive me!?! what should i do to start getting the truth out of her? please help thanks!

    The Answer
    You can't get the truth out of her right now. Chances are your friend is so confused an angst ridden she isn't quite sure what the truth is.

    There are two things that need to happen here before she will change. First she needs to accept what she is doing, and that is the really hard part. She has to acknowledge, to others, that she has lied. Then she needs to take that acceptance to a counselor or physiologist and work on it with them.

    In the meantime remember that compulsive liars don't lie because it's fun or for attention. Their lies often cause them a lot of pain and stress. It's a compulsion, until they realize what they are doing and get help, they honestly can't stop it. It's the same way a person can't fight depression all alone. Mental illnesses don't just go away because the person decides they want them too.

    By all means, confront her when you catch her in a lie. You don't need to say "You are lying to me." it might be better to say "You've told me two different things and I don't know which to believe anymore." Let her know that you've caught on to her without judging her too harshly.

    A good way to respond her rape accusations would be "You should really talk to someone about that." Don't make a big fuss over it and don't listen to her details. Tell her to take this problem to a professional. Whether it’s true or not, she will resist the idea, but no matter what, it’s the only way things for her will improve.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    okay well it's kinda complicated but i'll try to explain the important facts. the guy i am with is the MOST wonderful guy, and i mean it. we will be getting married soon, and i really want that more than anything. today people brought up some things he's done in the past, before i knew him. nothing horrible, but they were tryna tell me that he is a bad guy. and it was one of his ex's also, but i don't know if i should listen to her bout it. anywayz, i don't want to talk to him bout the things cuz it was in his past, before we met, and i don't think i have should inquire bout it cuz it was before i knew him. and yesterday he found out that one of his ex's is getting married, and he really had a thing for her, so it brought up past memories for him, and he said "please don't ever run out on me" and i told him i wouldn't. and i meant it. but what should i do about the things people have been telling me? should i ask him bout it or just leave it? thank you

    The Answer
    If the things you are hearing are things that could crop up again in your life together then you should certainly inquire about them. These are things like abuse, addiction, family illness or feuds. These things might be in the past, but are no small matters, and their effects can be felt for decades.

    It’s also very important to know how your partner perceives those sorts of issues. For instance: If someone says “Yeah I used to drink until I passed out every night, but I never really had a problem.” or “Yeah, I cheated on my last three girlfriends, but it’s just because they were so cold to me.” then you know they don’t really understand or appreciate what happened actually happened or how responsible they are for it.

    Failing to appreciate and learn from one’s mistakes is the sort of thing that should set off warning bells in your mind. Everyone makes mistakes; it is the people who are incapable of learning or changing that you need to be wary off.

    There is no good reason for you not to ask about things that might come back to haunt him: If you are marrying him, they will haunt you too.

    Now if his ex and such are just nitpicking about “Oh well, this one night he got really drunk and made a racist comment to my granddad.” Meh, just ignore their meddlesome nattering. But if what they have to say leaves you worried and with questions for your boyfriend, ask those questions now! Not after you’ve sworn to be with him forever.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    okay so im 15 now and i went out with my first Real boyfriend. I am an attractive girl and really sweet/caring. well this is how the relationship started: 2 months ago he had a relationship with another girl and me. he was with her first but he left her for me and told me he wouldnt cheat on me again. i forgave him.. Recently i broke up with him because i thought he was playin me :(. but he wasnt and he told me he would never do anything to hurt me and he wanted me back and he wants me to trust him (he knows i have issues with that)..but i chose to not be with him i jus need some time to think cause there are so many rumors. i want him but then again i dont. im so confused. because i daydream all day about this boy. and we havent be going out for long..its probably jus an infactuation...ughhhhhhhh
    but he says he hates not being with me...

    The Answer
    Go with your gut dear. Your gut is saying even if this guy is being straight with you (not likely) he isn't worth all the drama, doubt and rumors.

    You don't have 'trust issues' if this guy really can't be trusted not to cheat! It doesn't matter if he was or wasn't playing you this time: it's pretty clear you CAN'T trust him. Maybe he will be true to you now, but if you can't believe that then you can't be with him.

    There is nothing wrong with you if you can't believe him! You have absolutely no reason to have faith in him: he cheated and was flakey enough to cause you doubt agian. He has not earned your trust.

    You can fogive him for the past, and still decide you can't really trust him and don't want to be with him.

    Just trust listen to your head and not your heart or any desperate thing he says.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ok so i've been dating this guy for a while and my mom and his dad (both single parents) met and they just told us that they are going to get married! i really love this kid and my mom is completely disregarding my feelings. what can i do? do i have to stop dating him?

    The Answer
    Who is disregarding whose feelings dear?

    Your mother has found someone she wishes to swear eternal love and fidelity too and spend the rest of her life with. You've been dating this guy for a while. Sorry babe, I’m going to have to side with the adult women who is ready to make a life-time commitment here.

    Would you really deny her the love of her life simply so your teenage romance is a little simpler? Would you expect her to give up on her happiness just because it makes you uncomfortable? I hope not.

    Do you need stop dating him? No, you don't have too but you probably should. A break-up underneath the same roof would be challenging at the very least, and frankly, would you want to explain to people that you were dating your step-brother? You certainly could keep dating him though, just know it’s going to be tricky and complex, but stranger things have happened.

    I promise you, if you can take a deep breath, discuss this rationally with your mother and try to appreciate her feelings as well, in six months time this will not seem like nearly the crisis it seems now.
    (View All Other Answers.)



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