Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    Thank you SO much!I have you on my Favorite Columists list so can i ask you that way or e-mail you?Cuz i need help!!

    The Answer
    As I said before, you can do whichever you'd like: Ask me here or send me an e-mail at purplemaidenmanda@hotmail.com. I don't mind either. I am going to bed very shortly (It's 2 am here :S) so I might need to get back to you tommorrow.

    Just to remind you tho, questions need to be used to ask for advice, using them for personal messages is a no-no, so just watch yourself when you ask things like this.

    Take care hun.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I saw your colum and you seem good at this.I am too,exept i am new.I was wondering if you could help me understand somethings.I don't care what you help me on,i just really need help. {to me} You seem llike a prfensinal.So will you help me?Plez?

    The Answer
    I will help if I can. That's what I am here for after all. You can send me an e-mail if you'd like, or you can ask for advice here. Whichever works for you.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    well see my issue is that i lost my virginity in the WORST way possible, and now that ive had sex i dont want to stop.. all i think about is sex and everything that comes out of my mouth is sex, and i know this sounds horrible but its not as bad as it seems but i have had sex with about 4 people and i have not gone out with either of them..even the person i lost my virginity to.. is that bad?? sometimes i feel like a whore and some girls call me a slut what should i do?

    The Answer
    If you are not happy with your own sexual behavior it's on you to stop what you are doing.

    You seem to be unhappy, you seem to think that the situation you've found yourself in is a very bad one, so now you need to take charge of it and change what is happening.

    We can only be victims of our circumstance for so long, and then we have to take responsibility for it. Yeah, it's hard to break habits and it's really tough to change the way we think. But it is doable, and there are no real tricks to it. Just keep yourself busy and avoid situations where something you don't want to have happen might happen.

    If you aren’t happy with yourself, change.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    16/F
    Here it goes..kinda long. Thursday (Oct 28) I had a doctor's appointment at 3:15PM. I emailed my mom the weekend before telling her I had an appointment and she'd need to give me a checkout note for school so I could leave early. Thursday morning, I was about to leave for school (I was leaving later than usual) and I asked my mom if she had written a note for me. She replied, "I thought it was on Friday". I huffed and said, "It's a good thing I don't rely on you". I don't ask my mom to do much for me at all(I do: grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning for myself; I also transport myself where ever I need to go). I told her I don't rely on her because I ask her to do so very little, yet she forgets to do it. However, I do ask for money from my parents to buy gas, clothes, food, etc. since I don't have a job(my parents told me not to get a job so I can concentrate on school). Now BOTH of my parents won't say much at all to me and I'm being stared at. What should I do about ALL of this?

    The Answer
    Apologize to your mother and get over yourself.

    The financial obligations of her son to her grandchild are a bigger deal then a note excusing you from school. That is simply a fact of life.

    Yeah, your mother could be considerate and more aware of you, but she is only human, and apparently she is an imperfect human being. All parents are imperfect and if you are so self-sufficient she might just trust you enough not to worry about the details of your life unless you bring them up.

    You are angry with her and that is just fine, but her imperfections don't give you permission to say something that is only meant to hurt her. Saying something like "It's a good thing I don't rely on you." would be like her saying "Yeah, I forgot about that doctorâ??s appointment. It's a good thing I don't really give a damn about you."

    It's mean. Pointlessly mean and hurtful, so apologize to her for saying that. I simply have no sympathy for teenagers who say mean things to their parents unless those parents are openly malicious. Yours aren't, they are just forgetful, and your statement makes you look just as insensitive, if not more so, then your mother.

    Instead of hating your mother for this, learn from it. Next time write down what you need from her and leave it somewhere where she is sure to see it or remind her with enough time for her to do something about it, maybe send her an e-mail the night before with a friendly reminder. Sometimes in order to get what we need we must make the system idiot proof, if we fail to do that, it isnâ??t fair to blame others because our own communication style was flawed. E-mailing someone for something as simple as a note you donâ??t need for at least four days is almost certain to be forgotten. I certainly would have forgotten about it.

    Iâ??m sorry to be so harsh on you darling, I certainly do understand your building frustration with this situation, but part of growing up and being truly self-sufficient it making sure you can get what you need from others. Another part is holding your tongue while frustrated so that you donâ??t say needlessly mean things, so apologize to your mother, discuss your frustration calmly, and try one of those other techniques next time to make everyoneâ??s life simpler.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Just a few little questions.
    1.What is the average age that teenage girls get sexually active without seeming like a whore?

    2.What do guys think of girls who believe in staying a virgin until they are married?

    The Answer
    You’re mature enough to have sex when you are comfortable and secure enough in your choice that you will not feel like a whore.

    Honestly, if I had to pick a good age to loose your virginity, I would say about 19. Before then, sex is a completely needless complication in a relationship.

    I respect someone who chooses to save themselves for marriage. I think it's a little silly and archaic and I wouldn't choose to date them, but I can respect the choice anyways. Make sure your values when it comes to sex are compatible with your partners. If one of you feels you should wait for marriage and the other thinks marriage is a broken old-fashion institution without any real meaning things will be very tough.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ok, whenever me and my boyfriend try to have sex.. I panic. I have panic attacks, where I just suddenly get nervous and scared and just want to cry. And that's how it ALWAYS ends up when we're trying to have sex. I'm really into it and everything, and I want to.. he never forces me or pressures me to have sex with him, so it's not like I don't want to do it. I'm ok while we're making out, but then more physical stuff comes, and I'll be ok for a few minutes, but then I get scared, like somethings wrong, and I get nervous, and I end up crying. My boyfriend has no problem with this, I mean he worries about me, but he doesn't care to stop, or have no sex at all.. When we first started being sexually active, I was fine.. but here lately this started happening. I just don't understand that if I want to have sex and I'm into it, I'm in the mood and everything.. that I get nervous and panic, and end up crying?? I thought that maybe I'm really not ready, and should wait a while. I really don't know what to do..

    The Answer
    Arousal is strangely similar to panic and you aren’t alone at all in having this problem. A lot of the same things happen to your body, you get warm, your breathing changes and your adrenaline pumps up. You are just used to panicking in that situation, not enjoying the sensations.

    If you aren't already being treated for your panic attacks, either through therapy or with medications, certainly see a doctor. Panic attacks don't have to be just the way life is, there is plenty of room to improve and defuse them.

    Other then that, explore some other positions for sex. The first thing that comes to mind is with you on top, where you have more control and can stop before the panic swells up to much, pause and continue as you can. If you can avoid it, don’t actually stop having sex when you start to get nervous, just slow down a lot, until you feel a bit calmer.

    Really, I bet you just need to re-train yourself. You know intellectually you don't need to panic, it is probably more force of habit then an actual attack. Try to break the habit.

    Good Luck.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I got braces today at 2:00pm. I have two tests to take tomorrow and I really need to be able to sleep, but I can't because of my braces. My teeth are hurting very bad and my lips are swollen. I know that it's normal, but I really need my sleep. I've already tried the wax strips and aleve. Neither one of those things are helping, though. Does anyone know of something else that works quickly?

    The Answer
    You only got the braces a few hours ago hun, it's going to hurt like hell. It just is. It might even distract you from your tests tomorrow.

    You could try to take a bit of drowsy medication, like a nighttime cold medicine or gravol, to help you sleep. But you still probably won’t sleep well.

    The best thing to do is to explain your situation to your teachers. Take the tests anyways, but let them know you are in a lot of pain and that you are worried about your performance on them. They might be able to provide other options and support.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ok look this really sucks. Me and my girlfriend have been dateing for a little over 4 months and well when we first started daten it was june 14th and on july 4th i accedently got messed up and cheated on her with one of my x's but we didnt do nothin i just kissed her well when i soberd up i felt like crap so i went home and i told my girl right as soon as i got ahold of her well it killed her and me but we stayed together, now we love each other more than i can explain she is everything to me i would give anything up for her. and well now she keeps thinkin about it i have appoligized in every way possible but she is still till this day thinkin about it and we get in a argument every time she brings it up and sometimes they get pretty intense. but my question is how do i get her to forget about it i mean shes not mad at me or nuttin she just gets all tore up but how do i get her to forget it and let it go on by i know its hard to forget something like that but i mean its been almost 4 months sence it happend can someone please help me...

    The Answer
    You made a mistake. A very hurtful one yes, but just a mistake. You've done your best to repair the damage.

    On her side there are two options. Either she is insecure and jealous still, or she uses that incident as leverage in an argument. At some point it is no longer your action that is the problem, but her response to it. If she can’t honestly forgive you, then the two of you need to break up, soon, or else suffer through this same argument over and over again.

    So ask her plainly if she can forgive you or not. Don’t ask what you need to do; you’ve done everything you can. It’s up to her now. Demand an honest answer and if she says she can forgive you, explain that you don’t expect to hear about it each time she is upset anymore. She can still talk about her pain or fear of cheating if it still worries her, but the blame you have should be in the past.

    It’s a fine line, and it sounds like this girl may not be able to manage it. If she can’t, you need to let her go. Continuing on this course will only torture you both and lead to a very messy break-up.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I dont really want to believe to that thing, but I cant help it due to things that have happened to me. Once I had this dream I just could not wake up from. The dream just kept on going on and on, and it was not a good one either. I knew it was a dream, I knew who I was and I was wondering to myself, what, am I doing here. This is not real then why the fuck cant I wake up.
    Anyways, after a while I did wake up. drunk some water got back to bed. Only then, everytime I fell asleep, I got the worst feeling one could ever get.
    There I was, trying to fall asleep, when everything around me started colliding, like not just the walls around me, but the hole universe was being destroyed into atoms, as if I was waking up from the Matrix or something. I had no control of my body at that time. Took me a couple of seconds till I obtain control again. It just kept on for the hole night and everytime I did, I just tried to move my fingers. After a while, I could.
    Next day I asked not only one but two doctors and none of them new anything about it.I was very concerned about it and I thought I was having some kind of epilepsy seizure during night. Everything turned out normal according to the doctors. Told me that I was nervous or something so they both send me home.
    I cant remembered how many times it happend after but then I found this guy who told me about astral projection. I almost cried as he was mentioning all of the effects and symptoms and he informed me that people who have mastered this skillas he called it, can do many things such as see pictures from far far away. Especially when he told me the soul leaves the body part, I totally freaked out. I really did not want it to happen again, only months later, it did. I kind of wanted it to happen, but everytime it started, it scared me and of course I tried to move my finger.
    After, a couple of weird stuff started to happen. I had this dream where I was rotaing above my couch for a long long time, above the ground. Dont know, might be a dream, might not, I might be crazy I might be lying I dont want to argue for that. Anyways, if it was a dream, what stupid dream that was. I was there for hours goind in circles I could not control, untill I finally open my eyes and faced my pillow. Anyways, the point is that the hole vibrating, electricity effect did not happen.
    This other time, I tried to fall asleep and it started happening. For once I did not care. I was not scared, and while it was happening I though that, now it is time for me to do it, if it can be done. So, how do I travel through real space as a soul, how do I remember them when I wake up, I mean the soul has a different perception from the brain, it uses no eyes, no ears no touch. Suddenly I started thinking of al this stuff while it was there happening. I really did feel like I made a thoudand thoughs in a second, I felt lucid and smart and then decided to go see that friend of mine and then it happened. There I was looking at him from above, he was all dressed up in green, studying, he was bold and I hadn t seen him for a long time. Not really long time, but when I met him he had hair. I woke up.
    Later that night I called him and we hanged out. I told him I saw him at the morning. He asked me if I passed by his university where he studies and I told him, well...short of. He WAS bold by the way. And he did admit he was all dressed up in green.
    After that I had a couple of really crazy experiences but know it does not happen anymore. I dont really care, I tried to for a while, not really that hard but anyways. I need to ask


    Do you people believe in Astral Projection? Can you share any experiences? It does not come against Christianity since Christian religion believes in the existance of soul. I really feel that there is something that I have to do but I just cant remember, do you believe you can communicate with the dead? From what I understand in the movie Butterfly effect with Ashton Cutcher, he could travel through times. Others believe that you can do pretty much anything you want, even be at multiple places at the same time or even be everywhere at the same time, something like god.
    I believe that everyone experiences that Astral projection, but few remember since when you wake up in your brain it is hard to translate you soul senses in your brain senses. I believe in spirit-brain way of though, soul-cant define it and body-mostly used. You got 2 types of dreams, brain dreams and soul dreams. Brain dreams are illusion that occur while the brain is shutting off. Soul dreams are what the brain remembers from its lets say adventures in the ...universe or....whatever.
    Is this dangerous? Lets say, you might meet other creatures there besides human beings and iguanas travelling through the...universe, whatever...Lets say that maybe, something else might take your place in your body, like a dead person or something even worst.


    I never slept over than 7 hours during at night except sometimes, I always remembered my dreams, dreams so long you will not believe them, I have a great memory, I really remember stuff you would not believe me if I told you how far my memory goes and I am not crazy, I know how to distinguish when my mind is fooling me or plays tricks on me. I never was the type of guy who chases the paranormal and I dont believe in many stuff. This just happened and it really is a life changing experience. I do feel as a differnet person after that.
    My mother was about to have an operation once. HER mother was passed away long time ago before my mother needed to go in the hospital for some surgery. A couple of night ago while she was sleeping she had this dreamwhere she was in the surgery with all this people around and there was her mother smileying at her. When she did go there in real life, the room was exactly the same, and the doctors to. She knew the doctor who would operate on her but she did not know all of the people that were going to be in the room, and she had seen them before in her dream. It was as if her mother was telling her, that she still exists somewhere.

    The Answer
    Please read this dear: http://theshadowlands.net/ghost/sleep.htm

    I have suffered from sleep paralysis, and I also experience very intense dreams. Like you I have had some dreams which presented some rather frightening coincidences that still seem to this day, a bit supernatural. But no, I don’t believe in Astral Projection or in any form of sixth sense. Our minds are powerful and mysterious things and the world is a much grander place then we give it credit for. It might sound weak, but that explanation is enough for me.

    You might look into learning to be a lucid dreamer; much of what you have said makes me believe that you have some natural skill for it and learning how to control your dreams will help you avoid the more uncomfortable or frightening aspects of sleep. (Read about lucid dreaming here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucid_dream)

    To avoid the unpleasantness of these dreams in an even easier way though if you sleep on your back, stop. Try to sleep on your front or your side and you’ll find the incidents of uncomfortable powerful dreams decrease drastically.

    I know I just gave you a good bit of reading to do and I hope you’ll look at those articles seriously and with an open mind. If you want to speak to me anymore, my contact information is in my profile.

    Good Luck.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    i like this guy Matt, and ive liked him for this whole year basically. about 2-3 months ago he asked me out and then dumped me the next day and said "Im sorry for screwing around with you, i just cant get that girl Emma out of my head." Hes liked Emma for a long time too. Then like 15 minutes later hes like I love you Ana & i always will but i just cant get Emma out of my head and im like Okay...
    Now hes over Emma and he likes another girl Katherine. Im going out wiht his best frined, but i dont want to dump him because i dont want him to get hurt. And im scared if i dump him, Matt wont be my friend either. Ever since i started dating Matts best friend, Matt is being really slack to me like calling me a bitch and stuff. I have told him things about Katherine that i heard from her friends, like shes a bitch and stuff, but Matt said that im no one to tell him who to like then i said that I just dont want him to get hurt then he didnt say anything. I just dont get his behaviour. Hes changed soo much. How can i make him be the way he was before - caring and sweet? Ive tried talking but he just gets pissed off.

    Also, how can i make him like me again? This all is making me really upset. I even want to cry in the middle of class sometimes.

    Thanks
    Ana.

    The Answer
    You can't *make* anybody do anything. You can't make him back into the caring and sweet person you once thought he was and you can't make him like you. Actually, I think if you really put some thought into it you might come to see that A.) He was never really all that sweet and B.) He never really liked you that much.

    Don't listen to what people say, especially not little boys. Not every thirteen year old guy is a little boy, but this Matt certainly is. Little boys want what they want when they want it, and don't care how it affects anyone. Little boys will say anything to avoid drama, even "I love you." Take them seriously, and you are welcoming in a broken heart.

    Pay attention to what people do instead: Matt fooled around with you, gave you a totally lame excuse for a breakup, can't seem to stay attached to one girl for any decent length of time and is currently treating you like dirt.

    Matt is acting like a jerk not because he is confused or jealous or anything like that. There is nothing you need to 'get' about his behavior but this: He is acting like a jerk because he is a jerk, and because he doesn't want you.

    If you want to cry in the middle of class over this, go to the bathroom and bawl your eyes out. It's okay to be sad and upset. It's okay to be confused about what it is you want and who you like. The only thing that isn't okay is wasting anymore time fantasizing that you could actually have a happy relationship with this guy. You can't. Right now no girl could. He just isn't there yet. He probably never will be.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I am getting obssesed with the idea of commiting suicide. I am not a teenage girl by the way, I am a 40 year old bysiness man. I take pills so that I can sleep at night but i just wont help but anyways I dont want to bitch about my life. I just dont want to think about killing myself anymore.it is always there, the thought. Crazy thoughts, how to do it, will it hurt, make a big fuss and....that is all.
    I think also that if I start doing heavy drugs things will get better.

    The Answer

    You are adult babe, so I will spare you any sugar coating or fooling around. You absolutely must realize these things:

    Your thoughts about drugs and suicide have no basis in reality. They are easy fantasies. Life is a more difficult thing then dreaming about escaping it.
    Your belief that drugs will make you feel better is like believing a band-aid will fix a gapping stomach wound.
    You are actually very sick.

    Sick people go to a doctor and tell the doctor what's wrong. Until you do that, you will not feel any better.

    Drugs, when prescribed by a doctor, can help with depression but they don't cure it. Street drugs don't even help. They just feel good for a little while and then make you even sicker.

    I'm sure you are not fool, most people who fall into depression aren't idiots. So you don't need me to tell you to seek help. I hope all you need is a few random strangers online all giving you the same message: Go to a Doctor. Go to a therapist. Call the national suicide hotline (really easy this one. right here: 1-800-273-8255). Go to a support group.

    We can't take that next step for you. We can’t sweep in and save you. You must be your own trusted adult, your own mature friend, your own best buddy, and take care of yourself if you
    ever hope to beat this.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    This might be long, but please read and help. My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. He was my first real boyfriend and we learned so much from eachother. I lost my virginity to him, and we had more great times than bad. He said the relationship wasn't the same and needed to start focusing on himself. It was a complete shock to my heart. We hadn't talked for weeks, but finally I made the first move and called him. I wanted to just catch up and see if maybe we could be friends. He seemed up for it and we hung out together. The only thing he seemed to want was sex and he was just being mean to me. He was never like that before. I held my own, but I'm even more hurt. I just can't seem to let him go no matter what. I wake up depressed and go to bed depressed. I can't believe that this boy has control over my happiness. Is there anyway you can be friends with someone you had a really intense relationship with? How do I even go about moving on? Nothing is working.

    The Answer
    Something was working love: Not talking to him was working. Time was working for you in its usual plodding way. You messed up when you invited him back into your life so soon, without any conditions.

    If you really want to pursue a friendship with this boy AND be able to move on, I will let you in on Razhie's Friends with the Ex Guidelines (Patent Pending):

    1.) Do not talk about 'feelings' for more then two sentences. New 'Friends' do not need to have long drawn out conversations about their feelings about each other and your friendship with your ex is a new one, something completely separate from the relationship you once had. Don't load it down with lots of emotional talk, that's for couples. Instead, do what you would do with a new friend: If you are uncomfortable or unhappy in their company, politely decline to be in their company so often.

    2.) Don't make plans that are exactly the same as the plans you made when you were together. If a date involved take out, a movie and then sex on the basement floor, then for goodness sake do not have take-out: We all know where it's gonna lead. Meet for coffee instead. On the other hand, if you regularly had caffeine-fueled sex, go for pizza.

    3.) Lastly, and most importantly, realize what you can control and what you can't. You can't control his feelings, his thoughts or his actions, so worrying about any of those is nothing but a waste of time. What you can control is you, so focus on you. If you find you can't focus on you and be his friend, then don't be his friend.

    The old saying it true, time heals all wounds, but time won’t heal a scab you keep picking at. Follow my advice and you’ll stop re-opening your wounds each time you see him and might find you can be friends, and move on at the same time.

    If you can’t do this, or find yourself falling into your old relationship habits instead of building new friendship habits anyways, then give up on friendship for a while.



    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Thursday i'm getting my wisdom teeth removed and i'm not sure how many days I need off work to recouperate. I've got Thursday, Friday, and Saturday scheduled off already, but i wasn't sure if I needed Sunday off too since I always work Sunday mornings. I have to have days scheduled off in advance because its really hard to find someone to fill in for me.

    If anyone has had this done before, please help me.

    Thanks

    The Answer
    It depends a bit on if your teeth are being pulled or if they are impacted. If they have broken through the gums, you should probably be fine (as long as your work isn't too physically taxing.)

    If your teeth are impacted however, you might want Sunday off just in case. Honestly, I had a bad run of it when my wisdom teeth were removed and was outta commission completely for two days, and still really uncomfortable for two more.

    If you really don't know what you need, call your dentist's office and ask for thier professional opinion.
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    The Question
    What could be your race if the last name Batista?

    The Answer
    The origins of the last name Batista are in Portuguese, Italian, and Spanish. Of course, just because that is where the name comes from, doesn't mean that any of that is the ethnicity of
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Ok...here's the scenario:
    My uncle worked for ING and he's an awesome person, he's a people person and a go-getter. Well, at ING they sponsor a family every year and they usually get about 300$, well my uncle, being the awesome person he is says that if they raise over 1000$ he'll shave his head...
    ...later in the year right before his big bonus...
    ...wednesday: this guy calls in to tranfer his account and he forgot his pin so my uncle tells him "sorry i cant attend to you then, its store policy" so the guy's all like omg i cant remember im going to lose so much money...so m y uncle gives him the randomest hint that only he could get cause if some stranger called in...he would have never have guessed...so yeah...(all calls are recorded)
    ...friday: this is the day where they coun t all the money for that family thing...this year...guess what...they raised more than 1000$...so my uncle gets his head shaved...ok heres the messed up part i need advice on...
    ...OK NOW THEY TELL HIM OH BY THE WAY YOU'RE FIRED FOR WHAT YOU DID ON WEDNESDAY!...WE'RE GONNA EXCORT YOU OUT NOW!...he didn't even get to go to his desk to get his stuff....like seriously if it was that bad they should have escorted him out on wednesday right after...anyways so yeah...i think they did that because they wanted to save the money that hwould have recieved in his bonus...wtf is going on here?

    I'll appreciate your help...ALOT!...for my uncle's sake...

    The Answer
    What's going on here is sadly far simpler then you are making it out to be: Your uncle broke the law.

    He revealed personal information to someone. Sure lots of people would have done the exact same damn thing in his place! But it's not just against company policy; it's against the law. If that man on the phone wasn't who he said he was the company could have been sued and shut down. Legally, they had very little choice but to fire your uncle: he had proven himself untrustworthy with sensitive information. To the company, that would have been as serious as theft. Why they waited till Friday? Who knows. Maybe they had to confere with the higher-ups. Maybe they only just found out. It doesn't really matter.

    They probably weren't trying to avoid paying him a bonus. Frankly paying him a few thousand dollars in a bonus would be waaaaaay cheaper then hiring, training and hoping they get a person half so good to fill his position.

    Yes, your uncle might have just made a mistake, but he knew the company's policy and they caught his mistake. It's a sad situation, but it's not surprising.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    im NOT having sex i just have a question.so dont get my wrong. okay if the guy is wearing a condom does the girl have to wear one too? if both the guy and girl wear it then will there will be a less chance she will get pregnant? or how about if just the girl wears a condom and not the guy?

    The Answer
    Condoms are not meant to be used together. You should never use more then one condom: not two male condoms and not one male and one female.

    When you are ready to purchase and use condoms, read the information and instructions that comes with them. Using a condom correctly greatly increases how effective it is, so read the whole thing, even practice putting one on.

    On the information that comes with Durex condoms it states very clearly: "NEVER use two condoms at once. Due to the friction between the two condoms, they might tear or slip off." All other brands will have a similar warning and yes, this warning applies to the female condom as well.

    If you want to increase your level of protection and use two forms of birth control, use a condom and an oral contraceptive.
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    The Question
    I got a couple of pumpkins for my porch a week or so ago, and they slowly got little bits taken out of them day by day. Then, yesterday I caught a squirrel munching on them. I would really like to put a bunch of pumpkins on the porch, but don't want to have a bunch of moldy pumpkins with holes all through them on my porch.

    Anyone know of any way to deter a squirrel. Hopefully without poison or a pellet gun.

    The Answer
    Sprinkle them with curry powder. I'm not 100% this will work, but it's discouraged other small animals away from my vegtables before and it seems worth a shot...
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    The Question
    I am a 21 woman (living at college) and my neighbor at home is a 15 yr old boy and he got to talking to me about stuff, he calls quite a bit and that's fine, he doesn't really have people to talk to a lot because he's very popular in the high school so he has to maintain an image or whatever, you know how high school is, so he can't really open up to anybody. Anyway he calls me about stuff and I give advice whatever, he treats me like I'm his mom or something (his own mom was never in the picture really) so anyway his dad got re-married last spring and he was fine with the stepmom at first but after a while he started changing and he was calling late at night really upset. Finally he told me why, he said his stepmom's been coming in his room at night and doing stuff with him, I won't be graphic but you can probably figure it out. So I called CPS and they ended up dropping the case, and his dad thinks he was lying, but I know he's not. He's been able to keep his stepmom out of his room and is staying weekends with his aunt and uncle, but it just sucks that he has to go thru this and he's got a lot of trust issues now. Sorry to be so long but you kinda had to know the backstory in order to answer my question, which is how can I help him thru this, what do I say to him? All I've told him so far is that I believe him and I don't think it was his fault.

    The Answer
    You have done some of the very best things you can do: You've been a supportive, caring, rational adult he can turn too. But you aren't his guardian or his keeper and he is not an infant. A certain amount of positive action in this situation is going to have to be taken by him.

    Encourage him to speak to a counselor, gently and firmly push him in the direction of professional help. If this situation is what he says it is, he needs someone more skilled then you (no offence meant) to speak too. If this situation isn't quite what you've been hearing, he is in even more need of someone else to speak to.

    He will resist this suggestion, but be firm. Speaking to a professional, just a counselor or a therapist, is the very best thing for him. If his case needs to be re-opened, they will be a powerful ally. Even if that doesn’t happen, a counselor is better positioned, not just to help him through this, but help him mend his relationships, or at least make it tolerable with his family.
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    The Question
    when you cite an article from a newspaper or magazine, how would you do that? like, i know you have to say the name of the article and athor and stuff, but in what early and what else? thanks!

    The Answer
    In the future, googling "How to cite a newspaper" will get you this information very quickly.

    http://www.ndsu.edu/instruct/isern/hardhat/newspapers.htm
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    The Question
    Hi I am 17 years old and I work in a store. Another girl I work with asked me if I can work on columbus day, when she wa supposed to work. I accepted, since I didn't think I was doing anything. Then my parents blew up at me because my dad took the day off & they want to do something as a family. They told me it's allmy fault that I didn't ask if he was taking the day off. I told them he should have told me he was taking the day off, but they said NO I should ask (which they have NEVER told me to do before). But they do not see my side of it, that I accepted to work so I can't change my mind now & that they should have told me he was taking the day off (am i supposed to guess that out of thin air?) Who is right here, & what can I do about this, they are so mad at me.??

    The Answer
    No one's really right here. It would certainly have been nice, and easier on everyone, if your parents had had the sense to tell you they wanted a family day, and at the same time it would have been nice and easier on everyone if you had the presence of mind to call and check with them that it was okay to take that shift.

    In the end though, it's no one fault, it's just a miscommunication. Apologize (just one time) for the confusion and don't try to get rid of the shift if you don't feel right about that. Let your parents deal with their anger on their own. Don’t feel guilty about that, miscommunications happen. Don’t let them abuse you over it.
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