"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.

Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

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    The Question
    i basically made plans to have sex friday night..well he is always complaing about how he dosent want a bloody dick.and im not sure if my cherry is popped or not.
    he fingerd me once but im still not sure how to tell if it is popped.cuz some people say that you dont bleed..but it did hurt alot..
    if it isnt popped..how do i pop it..without having sex?

    The Answer
    Stop trying to fix yourself dear. This isn't really a problem and you shouldn't be allowing your boy to make it one.

    There are certain realities of the human body, like stubble growing when you shave, people smelling when they sweat, or needing to use the bathroom when they drink too much. Those are just the basic facts of anatomy, and you shouldn't be ashamed of them.

    If your cherry pops there will likely be some blood, that is just a fact, no way to get around it. If he wants to have sex with you he is going to have to accept that simple human aspect of it: the chance there might be some blood involved. If he can't deal with that, he isn't ready for all the other much scarier realities of sex either.

    You are a woman. Women bleed down there sometimes for a few reasons. If he likes women, tell him to suck it up and deal.

    As has already been pointed out, if he uses a condom there wont be any blood right on him anyways.

    Once more, and say it with me: This is not your problem, this is his problem. Tell him to fix it.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    haow many dates do you go on befroe you can call yourseves boyfriend and girlfriend?

    The Answer
    If you don't know the status of your relationship, ask.

    Boyfriend and girlfriend are words that mean different things to different people. It's really important not just to know if you are or not, but to know what your partner thinks they mean.

    Some people will call you their significant other after a single date, others you may date for a month or two before they apply that label, so if you feel uncomfortable or unsure about the right label for your relationship casually ask. It doesn't need to be a big deal, but you've got every reason and right to know.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I had a urinary tract infection a little while ago. I have never had sex, but my boyfriend fingers me a lot. So I'm wondering how I got this UTI. Can you get a UTI from being fingered? What other ways can you get UTI?

    The Answer
    Although any sexual activity increases your chances of getting a UTI you can get them randomly, just out of the blue as well.

    Best way to avoid them is to go pee after any sexual activity and clean yourself up. That will flush any bacteria that creeped up there out. Nothing else to do really. UTI's aren't really serious as long as you catch them early, and drinking lots of cranberry juice will really dull the pain until you can get to a doctor.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm very bad at understanding this like this, so can someone please clarify for me what this poem means or is about?

    I'm Nobody! Who are you?
    Are you--Nobody--too?
    Then there's a pair of us?
    Don't tell! they'd advertise--you know!

    How dreary--to be--Somebody!
    How public--like a Frog--
    To tell one's name--the livelong June--
    To an admiring Bog!

    The Answer
    This is poem is by Emily Dickenson, who, unlike most people today really valued her anonymity. She hated crowds, and dealt with her friends only really through letters, had very few visitors and published only a couple of poems during her life. She never married. In many ways she was a very early American feminist.

    So don't think this poem is a contradiction. She is being very honest. Being a 'Nobody' is being different. If people found out that they were managing to live as Nobodies, they would tell others (advertise) and then they would have to be Somebodies, and introduce themselves all around to those who were interested in them, like an icky little frogs croaking. Emily Dickenson found nothing less appealing then that.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    my sister has a horse, which is really expensive. the up front price of the horse was over 20,000 dollars. then there's room and board, horse shoes, food, vet (each appointment is $800), and horse shows which are easilly over $1000 dollars each. my dad says that the horse costs about 10,000 dollars per year. did i mention that this is her SECOND horse? i don't horseback ride, i play tennis instead which is not expensive at all!!! but my sister gets just a little less for christmas than i do...i don't think this is fair at all. like not to sound spoiled, but my parents usually spend about $1000 dollars on me at christmas and just a hundred dollars less on her....i just think i'm getting the worst deal ever for me because she gets soo much more money spent on her than i do, i don't think i should be punished for not participating in a way overpriced sport!! you know? and for christmas i'm a new bedspread and shelves and stuff...but i think that's pretty much all i'm going to get because it kind of adds up. the bed spread was 885 dollars because i had it custom made. i just really want stuff that i can actually use for christmas and i don't know how to ask my mom without sounding like a brat. but i just don't see how this is fair at all!! how can i tell my parents this?!

    The Answer
    How can you tell your parents this AND not sound like a spoiled brat?

    You can't.

    Your sister chooses to ride. Your parents choose to pay for it.

    You choose to not to ride. You choose to play tennis. Your parents choose to pay for it.

    Sounds fair to me.

    What it isn't is the same. It's different. You are different people with different interests and your parents spend different amounts of money on those interests.

    Face it, although it might seem unfair to you, the amount of money they spend on their children's activities is their choice, and nowhere is it written that it must be equal. Get serious about an expensive hobby like, I dinno, sky diving, and I'm sure your parents would be just as financially supportive of you as they are of your sister. But don't except them to just hand over cash to you or shower you with gifts because you aren't costing them $10,000 a year. Maybe that would be 'fair', but it isn't going to happen.

    Is there is something else that is more constructive that you would like then cash and gifts? You could certainly use the example of the amount of money they spend on the horse if you where asking them to pay so you could go study in Italy for a year, or if you wanted a particularly good camera to feed your photography habit, whatever it is that you are passionate about and requires money.

    Besides, Christmas isn't really about how much money they spend on their children. Trying to fight this battle over Christmas gifts will at best make you look ungrateful and at worst, make you look selfish and greedy. You've got a solid point in this. Even though life doesn't need to be fair at some point your parents will respond to fact that they haven't funded you two equitably but save this argument for a time when something bigger then a few pretty presents are on the line.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Hi im looking to adopt or buy a capuchin monkey. Or any other baby monkey that does not bite. Does capuchin monkeys bite? I live in MO and im wondering if there is any around here to adopt or buy i can only buy one up to 100$. And i want perferably a female baby.

    any information will help. :]


    The Answer
    All monkeys bite. Period. They are wild animals and will bite as a form of communication. They cannot be trained not to bite, even the nicest monkey will bite some of the time.

    Monkeys are legal to own in MO so it is likely you'll be able to find a breeder near by you if you google it. However, you will NOT get a monkey for as little as $100. $1000 would be more realistic, with most reputable breeders charging more like $2000 to $3000 for an infant monkey.

    Monkeys can live for about 30 years, they cannot be house broken and will be disruptive and violent if they get bored. Having a monkey is like having a child. Make sure you are in it for life.

    Google "owning a monkey" and you'll discover very quickly that it isn't widely recommended.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Im sorry thats just the way I write. and yes i will rewite it even tho is pointless.

    well i have a boyfriend and me and carlos have been together for 6 months and a week. weve been through so much. ive already had sex with him. both of our parents already know. i love him. and he feels the same way about me to. my mom really thinks i deserve much better. since i come from a high to do family. and he is kinda poor. but money isnt an issue to me. i love him. but she doesnt approve of him.im not allowed to talk to him on the phone nor see him. he doesnt go to my school. so one day i just got tired of everything and called him crying telling him i couldnt do this anymore and told him i think we shouldnt be together if it was going to be like this. he started crying. it broke my heart. i love him so much but i dont know if i should stay with him or let it go.

    The Answer
    It is no more pointless then saying thank you when someone gives you a gift. Its simply good manners.

    When someone gets dumped it always hurts, and its normally hurts the person who does the dumping just as much as the dumped. It's a hard, heart-breaking situation, but that doesn't mean the break up is wrong.

    Sometimes loving someone isn't enough. Life has conspired against you and you've found no way to work around its obstacles. If you believe that you have done everything in your power to make this work, and it simply can't, then you were right to break up with him. You wouldn't have been doing him any favors sticking it out in a relationship where you were miserable and he was probably just as unhappy, even if he hadn't decided it was worth ending the relationship.

    There are points in our lives where we are able to carry on relationship even if our parents disagree, those points generally are when we are adults in our own homes, not when we are still captives in theirs.

    You got tired, you got feed up and that's okay. It's okay to decide that even though you love somebody a relationship is just more work then can be any good.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    WHAT SH0ULD i D0??

    The Answer
    You should not write in all caps, it is considered rather rude and it's painful to read. It is also agianst the rules of the site.

    If this were asked to the pool it would be immediately deleted and you would be asked to re-write it normally. Because you sent it to me personally I'll make that request: Re-write this question kindly and I'll gladly answer it.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    me and my freind went to her boyfreinds house and got drunk and i had unprotective sex with this one guy and she almost did with her boyfreind but didnt then she got super sick and almost died and i held her up when she was throwing up and when no noe would help her i helped her into the car and called my mom wich sucked and risked EVERYTHING everything we have done just everything.
    and then we went to the hospital and called her parents wich now hate me and she told them i had sex with this one guy and everything i have done.

    what should i do?
    how do i get our freindship back?
    how do i get her to know that those were her desissions?
    i feel guilty and like a horrible freind.
    like it was all my fault.
    i could have stopped it.
    and if i wouldbnt have called my mom and tooken her to the hospital she would have died.
    please help.
    thank you.

    The Answer
    You saved her life. You made the very best decision you could in a very bad situation that she got herself into.

    It's not your responsibility to protect your friend from her poor choices. You both messed up, and you have your own guilt to deal with, you needn't take on hers.

    Let her cool down for a bit. Hopefully after the pain and fear subside a bit she will be able to realize the logic of what you did and you can both learn from this, forgive and move on.

    But for now let her wallow. Hating you is probably easier then hating herself. You be secure in your good judgment and quick action.

    If anything, learn from this that poorly planned 'fun' like you were having is dangerous, not just for a obvious reasons, but for what it can do to relationships. Use some discretion next time and protect both yourself and the people with you.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    how long do you have to wait to take the pregnancy test for it to work after you have sex? how lnog?

    The Answer
    The very earliest a home pregnancy test claims to be accurate is three days before the first day of your next period (very few brands, like First Response, make this claim, and the claim is pretty doubtful). Most pregnancy tests however, are only accurate after three days to a week after the first day of your missed period.

    Try to relax and wait it out. Taking a test now would probably be a waste of money.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Just wondering - how flirtatious a gesture do you consider playfully slapping someone on the shoulder?

    The Answer
    Flirting is almost entirely about subtext: the undertones and situation around the action, the inexpressible emotional content and body language.

    Slapping someone on the shoulder isn't a 'flirting' action by itself. Hell, I do that to my little sister all the time.

    No one else can really tell you what flirting is. Just fool around, practice it, and keep your eyes open for it. Trust your gut. You'll catch on.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm a teenage girl. I'm single, and a virgin. (and sick of it) For the past five years of my life I have wanted to commit suicide because I have recently discovered that there is no point in living.

    I'm very overweight and I'm ugly. The one boy who has ever loved me was a liar and he had a mental problem. (not being sarcastic) I have no friends and I really want to die. I've been working as a stage actress for a while but I realized I have no talent at all.

    My point is: No one loves me and no one ever will. I can't live any longer without being loved. What should I do? How can I survive without love?

    Everyone treats me like I'm seven years old. I look a lot older than my age and most people ask me if I'm in college. I hate my life so much. Oh, and I do masturbate regularly so don't say that I should try that. It's not a substitute for a partner or for real love. Also: all of my peers have boyfriends. So I'm the only one who's single and a loner.
    By the way, no one ever listens to me when I talk so that's another reason why I want to kill myself.
    Please give me advice.

    The Answer
    You are sick. Plain and simple.

    Would you consider killing yourself because you had a kidney disease? Of course not! You'd go to the doctor and get it fixed.

    You are ill. Depression is an illness. Being suicidal is being unwell. Why aren't you going to a doctor?

    You can keep choosing to wallow in your own self-loathing. You can even choose to die. I'm just some person online. I can't stop you. I would if I could, but I can't. No one really can. No one is going come along to save you. Not because they don't love you, not because they don't want too, because they can't, because you can't let them.

    The first steps out of depression are hard, and you must take them alone. After that, there is a world of help out there for you, but not until you ask.

    You want to be happy again? Fight for it. Fight for your life.

    Don't give me some weak excuse about your parents. You are not a child and you do not require anyone's permission to take care of yourself or chase happiness. You have access to resources and people that can help through your school, through your friends, through other adults and family. If you can't escape the self-indulgent bullshit in your head long enough to reach out to a counselor or another adult then at least call this number 1-800-273-8255 and speak to somebody at the National Suicide Prevention hotline. No excuses. No bullshit. Don't waste your own time dithering about it. Enough time has been wasted on this. Don't even think about it. Just do it. Now.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    ok it seems like every question i post is deleted bc it was 'givin the lowest rating my level I moderators' or somethin like that but ive seen some questions on here before kinda similiar to the ones i post but they dont get deleted!! only mine do and it pisses me off bc i need to kno stuff too!!! why does it do that??

    The Answer
    Moderators rate questions down that are poorly written, that we've seen a hundred times before, or ones that just don't make any sense. If five moderators agree that your question deserves the lowest rating it gets deleted.

    If you don't want your questions to be deleted run your questions through a spell checker before you post, don't use more then one ! or ? per sentence and use capitals.

    Everyone needs to know things dear, but it is much nicer to help people who help themselves. We want to encourage people to write questions well so that we can understand and help them thoroughly. Very few people here care if the way you type is a form of self-expression, or if you are just to lazy to write out because instead of bc. In order to get the best answers and higher ratings, that is what is expected.

    If your question is that important too you then it is important enough to spell check and capitalize.

    Honestly, your questions aren't that bad. I browsed through your question history and you have a lot of questions for the past few days that haven't been deleted and probably wont be. If you would just take a moment, throw in some capitals and apostrophes you'd probably find very few get deleted anymore. As for the other questions you see that are like yours, check to see if they use chat speak and ignore grammar. If they do, they probably just haven't been deleted yet. Questions with chat-speak and no semblance of grammar will get rated down by five moderators eventually, just takes a little while to happen.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I am very sad!!

    Last night my bf asked me if I think that I was ready for marriage ..I was surprise and happy of course .He just pop up with the question if I love him and if I want to marry him one day .
    I said yes ...I was really happy.
    After that we kept on talking about marriage and stuff than I told him that If I ought to marry him I want to keep my own lastname ....He got really mad and told me that he doesn't like my desicion.

    The real reason why I wouldn't like his lastname is that his parents has the same last name and they really hate me and do really bad and nasty stuff to me .THEY HURT ME A LOT,
    It's really hard for me to go around with the lastname of my biggest enemies
    I love my bf ..we had been A LOT to be togheter ..his parents did the imposible things to seperate us ..They are really jealous about their son.
    The second reason is that my dad has more than 5 childrens and he only gave me his lastname ..I'm proud to have this lastname and I really don't want to change it..

    Can anyone understand me ?????
    I don't want to hurt him but how to explain to him this strange feeling ?
    I'm really sad ..

    The Answer
    You don't want to change your name and that's okay. It's your name, the only one you have ever had. The choice is completely and utterly yours.

    You don't need to bring up your distain for his parents with your boyfriend. That would be insulting his last name, which I'm sure he cherishes just as much as you do yours, just focus on what it is you value about your own name, it's legacy, it's bond with your father, and how you clearly recognize that marriage is about far more then a name on a piece of paper. It's about an oath and a shared life, not about what name is on the cable bill.

    And then hear him out. It is understandable that he would be upset by your decision, even if it isn't logical, and his feelings should be acknowledged and respected. His desire for tradition (except traditions should be meaningful, not oppressive), his desire to be 'normal' (except keeping ones own name is perfectly normal) and his idea that sharing a name makes a couple truly married in the eyes of strangers (utter nonsense and completely meaningless) might all be illogical, but they are still very powerful feelings for him. They are just not a very good reason for you to change your identity if you don't want to.

    You might try to discuss other options, like hyphenating both names, guaranteeing any children would carry his name, or taking his name but always using your own professionally, anything that you feel is acceptable to you but might make him more comfortable.

    But in the end, it's completely your choice. If you choose not to take his name, then that is just the way it will be. Respect his pain, acknowledge it and appreciate how very real it is for him, but also expect him to get the hell over it. Your name is your choice, married or not. That is something he will need to make his peace with.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    ok i have an assignment that is due on 9-21-06 and i really need help on it. ok here goes, i need to make a model of a building any kind of building it doesnt have to be a certain building. ok but my problem is that i have no idea on what to make it out of. any materials can be used. im not really creative so i have no idea on what to make the building out of. so can anyone please help me out here??? thnx

    The Answer
    I have some favorite materials for making models, some of which you might have heard of, and some you might not have. All of these are avliable either at a good art supply store or a model supply store:

    Foamcore (Thick and strong, but a bugger to cut and messure)
    Posterboard (this is a much more rigid sort of bristol board and my favorite thing for making buildings with)
    Vellum (a kind of semi-see through paper, great for windows and cheep)
    Balsa Wood (It's a really light, sometimes thin wood. If it's thin you can cut it with a knife, but it takes stain like normal wood, very nice. Good for furnature too.)
    Scuply! (Comes in great colours, can even look like grantite or marble, just look for tutorials online.)

    Have fun babe! I sooo love model making.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Okay, my boyfriend and I have been trying to have a baby, it's been hard but here's a few questions.
    1) how long do I have to wait & pee after he cumz inside me?

    2) Sometimes after we have sex i feel his cum is coming it why?

    The Answer
    You should always go pee shortly after sex. Lying still for a few minutes after he has cum inside you is fine, but you should ALWAYS go the bathroom and go pee, or at least wash yourself off a bit shortly after sex. It helps fight infection.

    I have no idea what your second question is trying to say. Is his sperm leaking out? Well sure, some of it is bound too. Don't worry about it.

    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    Ok my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and it’s really hard sometimes, we get to see each other 1 time a month and I am pregnant with his kid. And he Never I mean Never believes me about anything!!! I have a friend that is 15 and I am 18 and she thinks she pregnant and her mom knows her password and everything so I let her use my name! And my boyfriend thinks it’s me! Me 15 haha and I am already pregnant. So for a few days he got really pissed at me! And wouldn’t tell me why! And I found out its cause of my friends question she posted! He checks my email and everything! I know his email but I trust him and I ask him stuff before I get pissed over it!! What should I do! I don’t need to be depressed I am pregnant and there is no way I can just leave him, please tell me what I should do!!

    The Answer
    Talk to him.

    Reality Check: It was a simple misunderstanding, not worth getting depressed over or getting pissed over, and certainly not worth ending the whole relationship over! All it should be worth is a healthy laugh!

    Stop blowing this up in your own mind. Explain to him calmly and cooly what had happened. Unless he is a complete fool, he will see the truth in what you say, but if he can't even trust you that far, he has problems beyond confused e-mails...
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    i've never had sex... so i don't know why i'm freaking out. but i'm fifteen and terrified that some random sperm may have seeped into me or something, though that's not very likely, i'm just PARANOID. plus, i had a cold, and now my body aches and im freezing, but i think i just have a virus. i'm just scared because i didn't get my period this month. and as nasty as it sounds, i'm sure my brother is having sex with his girlfriend, and i masturbate with my hands, so. terrified. i've been having my period for a little over two years, and it's not really regular. i miss a month sometimes, or for instance it will come on the 22nd of june, skip a month, come on the 5th of july, come the 19th of august. who knows. but i'm totally freaking out. sorry, sorry, sorry for seeming so immature. but mostly i need reassurance that this isn't possible... i haven't been throwing up or anything. just. ugh. help?

    The Answer
    You haven't had sex: You are not pregnant.

    You know that. You don't need any of us to tell you that.

    You might want to talk to a counselor about all this free-floating anxiety though. It's okay to be stressed, but when your stress morphs into pointless and ridiculous paranoia, it's time to ask for some help.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question

    i have a friend who thinks everyone is fat. the girls she thinks are fat i dont think are fat at all. i think they are beautiful girls. their bodies arent perfect ... but whatever i dont think theres much of a difference between a size 3 and a size 8. i told her some people have more muscle and others are just skinnier. if someone has a pretty flat stomach but has little lovehandles and are liek a size 3 she thinks thats fat. i dont even wanna know what she thinks about me. i have bigger legs but they are mostly muscle. my stomach isnt flat but its definately not fat either. im pretty comfortable with how i look, but it bothers me how shes so negative about everyones bodies. what exactly IS considered fat?

    The Answer
    I don't know quite what is considered fat. I've always been of the mind that 'fat' is when your weight starts to negatively affect your life, your movement, and your health.

    I do have a pretty good idea of what the words 'judgmental' and 'bitch' mean though.

    I'm sorry, I recognize she is your friend and listening to a friend's opinion is one thing, but listening to them rip into other people for sport is another thing completely.

    If your friend is enjoying insulting other people because of their weight, you have no reason to listen to it. Not just because you disagree with her, but because even if you did agree with her, it is an unnecessarily cruel thing to discuss. Ask her to stop. If she wont, remove yourself from the conversation.

    Don't ever let her be the little voice that tells you you are not good enough and don't promote her being that voice for anyone else either.
    (View All Other Answers.)

    The Question
    I'm Thai. 24. male. I guess I might have a big problem with my friend. My friend is a lesbian who has been with her girlfriend for few years. However, she asked me to meet her tow days ago for drinking because she wanted to talk to me about her relationship with her girlfriend. She also came with her new girlfriend (as she told me). She has been trying to break up with her (ex)girlfriend, but she never gets it done because her (ex)girlfriend committed suicide (luckily, she is still alive).
    It is unfair to myfriend's girlfriend for what ever myfriend doing right now. I really wanted to help her. Then I made a call last night just to encourage her to enjoy her self without worrying about myfriend. She asked me about my friend and who my friend went with. I have no choice , but to tell her the truth. Bang! They had a big argument which I even can hear while on the line. I don't know how it ended.
    It might sound selfish If I say I want to help and be with her after they break up. If my friend can't be such a nice person to her, I can do a better job. However, at any rate, I didn't mean to be in between them or make them get break up this way. I just want to make this girl feel better. Anyway, my question are:

    1. I don't know should I call her again? or even ask my friend for matters last night? or just slip off from them?

    2. If I call her again, what should I talk to her about? I don't want her to think like I make things worse for them.

    Thanks a lot for your helps.

    The Answer
    Leave them both alone, at least for a little while.

    Despite your best intentions to help them out, what you did was meddle and bring angst. Sure the angst was just waiting there to come out, but you triggered it, and it's more then likely both of them are rather angry with you.

    Beyond that, if you have such a desire to date this girl, it seems pretty obvious to me dear that your intentions weren't completely pure when you shared what you knew. The proper response was not to tell everything you knew, the proper response would have been to encourage her to discuss her fears and suspicions with her girlfriend. It doesn't just sound selfish dear, it *is* selfish to want to put the moves on someone whose relationship you just shoved unfairly into turmoil!

    And what you did was unfair. Yes, what your friend was doing to her girlfriend was grossly wrong, but it wasn't your place to correct her or reveal her. You choose to put yourself in-between them and you caused trouble deliberately. The best thing you can do now is pull back from that, give them both space to deal with their relationship, or at least the end of it.

    Yes, what her ex-girlfriend is going through is likely very painful right now, but it isn't your place to hold her hand through it. If you are truly interested in her, give it some time. Days, maybe even weeks, for the dust to settle, and then try calling back with an apology and a few gentle questions about where things stand now.
    (View All Other Answers.)

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