Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)


My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    i've never had sex... so i don't know why i'm freaking out. but i'm fifteen and terrified that some random sperm may have seeped into me or something, though that's not very likely, i'm just PARANOID. plus, i had a cold, and now my body aches and im freezing, but i think i just have a virus. i'm just scared because i didn't get my period this month. and as nasty as it sounds, i'm sure my brother is having sex with his girlfriend, and i masturbate with my hands, so. terrified. i've been having my period for a little over two years, and it's not really regular. i miss a month sometimes, or for instance it will come on the 22nd of june, skip a month, come on the 5th of july, come the 19th of august. who knows. but i'm totally freaking out. sorry, sorry, sorry for seeming so immature. but mostly i need reassurance that this isn't possible... i haven't been throwing up or anything. just. ugh. help?

    The Answer
    You haven't had sex: You are not pregnant.

    You know that. You don't need any of us to tell you that.

    You might want to talk to a counselor about all this free-floating anxiety though. It's okay to be stressed, but when your stress morphs into pointless and ridiculous paranoia, it's time to ask for some help.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question

    i have a friend who thinks everyone is fat. the girls she thinks are fat i dont think are fat at all. i think they are beautiful girls. their bodies arent perfect ... but whatever i dont think theres much of a difference between a size 3 and a size 8. i told her some people have more muscle and others are just skinnier. if someone has a pretty flat stomach but has little lovehandles and are liek a size 3 she thinks thats fat. i dont even wanna know what she thinks about me. i have bigger legs but they are mostly muscle. my stomach isnt flat but its definately not fat either. im pretty comfortable with how i look, but it bothers me how shes so negative about everyones bodies. what exactly IS considered fat?

    The Answer
    I don't know quite what is considered fat. I've always been of the mind that 'fat' is when your weight starts to negatively affect your life, your movement, and your health.

    I do have a pretty good idea of what the words 'judgmental' and 'bitch' mean though.

    I'm sorry, I recognize she is your friend and listening to a friend's opinion is one thing, but listening to them rip into other people for sport is another thing completely.

    If your friend is enjoying insulting other people because of their weight, you have no reason to listen to it. Not just because you disagree with her, but because even if you did agree with her, it is an unnecessarily cruel thing to discuss. Ask her to stop. If she wont, remove yourself from the conversation.

    Don't ever let her be the little voice that tells you you are not good enough and don't promote her being that voice for anyone else either.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm Thai. 24. male. I guess I might have a big problem with my friend. My friend is a lesbian who has been with her girlfriend for few years. However, she asked me to meet her tow days ago for drinking because she wanted to talk to me about her relationship with her girlfriend. She also came with her new girlfriend (as she told me). She has been trying to break up with her (ex)girlfriend, but she never gets it done because her (ex)girlfriend committed suicide (luckily, she is still alive).
    It is unfair to myfriend's girlfriend for what ever myfriend doing right now. I really wanted to help her. Then I made a call last night just to encourage her to enjoy her self without worrying about myfriend. She asked me about my friend and who my friend went with. I have no choice , but to tell her the truth. Bang! They had a big argument which I even can hear while on the line. I don't know how it ended.
    It might sound selfish If I say I want to help and be with her after they break up. If my friend can't be such a nice person to her, I can do a better job. However, at any rate, I didn't mean to be in between them or make them get break up this way. I just want to make this girl feel better. Anyway, my question are:

    1. I don't know should I call her again? or even ask my friend for matters last night? or just slip off from them?

    2. If I call her again, what should I talk to her about? I don't want her to think like I make things worse for them.

    Thanks a lot for your helps.

    The Answer
    Leave them both alone, at least for a little while.

    Despite your best intentions to help them out, what you did was meddle and bring angst. Sure the angst was just waiting there to come out, but you triggered it, and it's more then likely both of them are rather angry with you.

    Beyond that, if you have such a desire to date this girl, it seems pretty obvious to me dear that your intentions weren't completely pure when you shared what you knew. The proper response was not to tell everything you knew, the proper response would have been to encourage her to discuss her fears and suspicions with her girlfriend. It doesn't just sound selfish dear, it *is* selfish to want to put the moves on someone whose relationship you just shoved unfairly into turmoil!

    And what you did was unfair. Yes, what your friend was doing to her girlfriend was grossly wrong, but it wasn't your place to correct her or reveal her. You choose to put yourself in-between them and you caused trouble deliberately. The best thing you can do now is pull back from that, give them both space to deal with their relationship, or at least the end of it.

    Yes, what her ex-girlfriend is going through is likely very painful right now, but it isn't your place to hold her hand through it. If you are truly interested in her, give it some time. Days, maybe even weeks, for the dust to settle, and then try calling back with an apology and a few gentle questions about where things stand now.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    my dad told me i have to get a job before i can get my license and a car. but the problem is i dont want a job and here lately he has been takin me to look at cars. i always try to tell him i dont want a job and hes like well i guess you wont be driving. but i dont understand WHY he wants me to get one, hes always tellin me about how if i want to go to my dream college (texas), well ANY college, then i have to get a scholarship. how in the world does he expect me to get one if im always going to be working? i play softball so of course i would have to probably quit just so i would have time to do my school work. i mean i have explained this stuff to him and he doesnt get it! i get out of school at 212 and practice starts at 230, and i dont get home til about 5, and i barely have time to finish my homework now!! and the last thing i wanna do is give up softball, but i want to drive WITHOUT a job!! can someone give me ideas on how to convince him??

    The Answer
    They aren't the ones who need convincing dear. You are the one who doesn't seem to get it.

    Driving costs a lot of money (actually it costs between $2 and $4 per mile you drive, drive five miles to your friend's and back, suddenly you are out $30, not exactly chump change) Of course your father expects you to contribute towards that cost.

    But balancing work, school and sports is not impossible. Difficult, sure, but never impossible, I am living proof! Not only did I work through high school. I played soccer, owned a horse, graduated with an A+ average and two scholarships.

    I'm not particularly smart, I did that because I wanted to do it and I worked at balancing all those things. I got home from work or practice and did homework instead of watching the TV. Honestly, what are you doing between 5 pm and 9 or 10 when you got to bed? Cause if I wanted to drive a car, play a sport and earn a scholarship I wouldn't be letting that time go to waste.

    And it doesn't stop at high school. I'm in university now and I have already worked 4 hours today, gone to class for 3 hours and am headed out to work 3 more hours tonight. I don't have a day off until the 18th, but in that time I will find time to grocery shop, do my laundry, clean my apartment and see my boyfriend and friends.

    I will do it, because that is what I want, and because I willing to work for what I want. You might not want to work as hard as I have. Honestly I hope you never have to! But you do have to work, make compromises and sacrifices in order to get what you want. Your dad's expectation of your getting a job in order to have a car is very reasonable and it's just up to you to decide if that works for you or not. If it doesn’t = no car. Just like if I don't work = no groceries.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    If I shower with my straightner in the bathroom, when I get out of the shower, the straightner is all wet, because of the moisture. Is this bad for my striaghtner?

    The Answer
    Well it certainly isn't good. By and large, getting water on any piece of electrical equipment isn't great for it's wiring. It won't cause your straighter to explode, but it will probably take some years off of its life. To keep it functioning well, longer, leave it in a dry place, or at least under a towel or something when you shower.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm confused. 15/f

    My ex girlfriend is flirting with me [she has a boyfriend though] and she keeps saying she wants to kiss me. Knowing her... she would. But she told me she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea. Then she goes on about having dreams about me and missing me, missing the things we did. and then there's things about "If only I didn't mess up" [when she broke up with me] "I will always have a thing for you" "Can i steal a kiss?" A part of me wants to kiss her but I can't because I refuse to do that when she has a boyfriend.. I dont know what to do. She says she doesn't want to lead me on but she's already doing that. What can I do? Just ignore the things she says?

    The Answer
    Don't ignore her. If you do, her advances will probably only get worse. For some reason she wants your attention desperately.

    It sounds like you are intelligent enough to realize how unfair and distasteful what she is doing is. Her behavior isn't the behavior of a kind or righteous person; it's the behavior of a selfish brat.

    If you want to be with her, tell her straight up "I would love to go back out with you, but I wont do a single thing with you as long as you have a boyfriend. As long as you are still in a relationship, stop teasing me." And then don't do ANYTHING, not even hold her hand, unless she is single. If she won't lay off teasing you (no matter what she is saying she is definitely teasing you) then you might need to get some space from her.

    It's fine for her to be confused, to want both you in her boyfriend, but it's not fine for her to put you through hell because of it. Tell her to straighten up or leave you alone.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    So I have liked this girl pretty much all of my life. I have been talking to her every once in a while trying to build courage and so I finally attempt to call her and tell her how I feel about her. I had to text her first to make sure it was alright to call. She said she was about to eat dinner with the family so she'd tell me when it was alright. She can't talk past a certain time and she texted me after that time and said that she couldn't talk now because it was past the time and wanted me to text what I wanted to say instead.

    I'm pretty sure she knows what I'm trying to tell her since someone pretty much told her I liked her. So I said I rather call her instead and asked if i could call tommorrow. She said she didn't know what she'd be doing tommorrow but I could try and then said "sorry". I asked if she could tell me when she was free then and she said "i'll try". Recently she has gotten involved in sort of a long distance relationship.

    Should I take this as a polite "I don't want to talk to you?", a "I'm kind of nervous about this" or what?

    The Answer
    She is certainly nervous.
    Whether she is nervous because she wants to reject you, or if she is just generally nervous when a guy shows interest in her is something we can't be sure of, you'll have to trust your own gut on that one.

    What I can be sure of though is that it is awfully impolite to ask a person out when you already know that person is in a relationship, even if it is just a 'sort of a long distance' thing.

    Always find out if the person you are trying to pursue is taken or not before you try and make your move! If you don't know for sure, ask them straight up, because that is less embarrassing and less painful for the object of your affection then putting them in the awkward position of turning you down because they are taken.

    Chill out and find out for sure what her relationship status is. If she is taken, be gentlemen and back off. If she isn't, give it a few more gentle prods or take the plunge and just ask her out. If she doesn't seem any more receptive, back off.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    what does it mean if you are giving head and it takes like less than 2 minutes to cum?

    The Answer
    Ask him what he thinks it means and if he found it satisfying.

    Or just accept that he was really enjoying himself and be pleased with your efforts.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    19/F

    I feel like a total dim whit asking this but.
    What is the diffrence between oral and vaginal sex??? thanks

    The Answer
    Not a stupid question at all. It's shocking how many people, even at your age, have no clue what these words mean, and no interest in learning.

    Oral sex is the sexual stimulation of the genitals (male or female) with the mouth.

    Vaginal sex is just the standard sexual intercourse between a man and women, penis in the vagina.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    okay im going out with this guy names josh. well he's went to rehab and everything and is all cleaned up from smoking weed. well recently he started smoking again. and he gets drug tests every wednesday. and he said hes gonna have his brother pee in the cup for him. but if he gets caught i dont want him to go back to rehab or get locked up again. i made him promise me that he wouldnt smoke again but then he smoked yesterday and i found out about it. he says hes been trying but its rly hard to say no cause its around him all the time with his friends. everytime i call him and he doesnt answer i know hes smoking and i just get so mad. i know its mostly his friend scotts fault. scott is always smoking no matter what time it is or anything. and i know scott is pressuring josh. when im with josh he says that he doesnt feel the need to smoke. and i want to help him. i already told him that whenever he feels the need just to come see me but he never does. i dont know what to do. i know schools coming up in a couple days. and it will be easier to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt smoke. i really care for him and i dont want him to go back to rehab.. what should i do?

    The Answer
    You should do nothing, except think about whether you want to still be with this guy or not.

    You can't make him stop. You've done your very best to try and help him, you've been there for him in everyway, but you can make him accept your help. At some point you'll just have to accept that he isn't that serious about quitting. He is choosing to continue smoking; he is choosing the run the risk of going back to rehab. His friends being smokers is a really lame excuse. They don't control him anymore then you do. He is choosing the pot.

    Of course you don't want him to go back to rehab! You care about him! You want the best for him! That's understandable and good of you, but he doesn't seem to want the best for himself, so your hands are tied.

    Love him all you can, stalk his every moment in school to keep him safe if you really want too, but he will smoke anyways. He has made it pretty clear that he has no interest in changing his lifestyle, even if it means going back to rehab, even if it means hurting your relationship. If he decides to change, he might change, but until he makes that choice, nothing you do will have any effect.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Can you get pregnat if a guy doesnt insert his penis in your anis and you never had sex vaginal sex before but he had his penis like really near your anis and it was really close to going in?

    The Answer
    Sex is NEVER completely safe, though it is very unlikely that you could get pregnant from what you are describing.

    Basic Rule: If pre-cum or cum come into contact with your vaginal fluids you have a risk of getting pregnant, whether you are a virgin or not. So just don't be stupid about it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    This is for girls. I want an honest answer; is penis size an important factor in relationships and does it matter?

    The Answer
    In total honesty:

    Too big or too small can cause issues, but never any issues you can't work out.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My boyfriend and I have cyber sex. Is it possible to pour out our sexual feelings online through a computer and not getting totally horny around each other? I mean, we want to stay virgins until we're married. So is cyber sex helping us with the temptation, or making it worse? Is it ok to have cyber sex or is it immoral and wrong? What would my parents think? I'm afraid they won't understand if they find out... Thanks for the advice!

    The Answer
    I don't see anything immoral about cyber sex, but it certainly does have its problems.

    For some people I suppose it might decrease the temptations, but I would think for most it would only increase them. Cyber sex is giving you a sexual vocabulary of actions and words that pump your own fantasies, gives them more substance and basically function as dress rehearsals. In my experience that only increases sexual interest, never decreases it, and in essence, you aren't really staying 'pure' for marriage, you are engaging in sexual contact with another person, it just happens not to be physical.

    Secondly, cyber sex is a fantasy. Nothing ever gets stuck in cyber sex, nothing hurts, and no one ever falls off the couch. In reality those things do happen. Too much fantasy can make reality disappointing and difficult to adjust too. People with pornography addictions can have that problem. I'm sure it happens to those who regularly engage in cyber sex too.

    Your parents will be unhappy and wont like it if they find out. I'm sure you know that. Cyber sex wasn't around for their generation so they don't understand it, and of course parents simply don't want to be confronted with their child's sex life. So if you are going to keep doing it, do your best to keep it a secret.

    I don't see anything wrong with cyber sex, so by all means if you want to keep doing it! But I don't think your logic here is very sound. You need to recognize what it is you are actually doing: It is sexual contact. It is sexualizing your relationship. And of course your parents wouldn't be happy with it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm a 17 year old male and I've been seeing this girl (20 female) for a while, and she's really cool. She's really easy to talk to and I just generally enjoy being with her. We had a conversation about smoking and drinking (both of which I am vehemently opposed to) and she told me that she never smokes OR drinks, which was a huge part of my attraction to her.

    I found out though, through her telling me, that she was at a party and had a few drinks, and smoked a couple of cigarettes... Now I don't know what to say, because I want to tell her how I feel about that (I don't associate myself with people that don't respect themselves enough to avoid things like this) but we're not really going steady or anything like that, so would it be weird for me to express my feelings towards a subject, or is it not my place?

    The Answer
    By all means talk to her about it.

    However, you are not her keeper or her judge. It's not your place to berate her for choices. Many decent, respectful, kind people have a drink now and again, or smoke cigarettes. So you have no right to insult her or try to punish her for that.

    But you can and certainly should express your confusion over what you heard, and ask her to elaborate on her feelings and actions, since you thought you understood. You might find you just aren't as compatible as you thought you were.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have this unusual irregular period. It's not those "I haven't started in 3 months" or "my period is always giving me worse cramps".

    My situation is that my period is extremely light. So light it rarely ever discharges. And when it does only a few spots are present and that is it for the day. Then starts up sometime the next day. And like everyday after a few spots are present it stops for the rest of the day. And sometimes this brown substance appears and I have no idea what it is.



    My usual period is heavy, and lasts 6 days. I've been on it for 6 years. It's usually regular but sometimes can be irregular.

    What's the problem and/or what can I do to fix it?

    Thanks in advance.

    The Answer
    I'm not sure from your question if you have experiencing extremely light periods, spotting or both so bear with me.

    Spotting is perfectly normal, even as a regular occurrence
    A light period is also nothing to panic over: what it most likely means is your body didn't ovulate that month.

    You might not ovulate because of poor diet, stress, or lots of physical activity. You also might just have a lazy ovary. No biggie.

    However, light periods could also be a symptom of something like an infection, a cyst or a polyp in your vagina, cervix or uterus and should be investigated by a doctor. As long as you aren't experiencing any pain, there is no need to rush to a doctor, but it is definitely something to bring up on your next visit.

    But I can't know for sure, if this is really nagging at you, see a doctor. If you are experiencing any abnormal pain, see a doctor right away.

    Oh, and I almost forgot. Brown or even blackish discharge is no reason to freak out. Blood turns brown and then black as it gets older and dies. All brown discharge means is that blood has been inside you longer then the freash stuff. So it makes perfect sense to have some brown discharge at the end of any period, light or heavy.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ok this may sound weird but my penis is bent like crooked in the middle. not a lot but i notice it. its like off to the left side and its been like this a while and its very obvious when i get hard. is this bad?? will it make it harder or painful to have sex??

    help please?! thx!

    The Answer
    It's perfectly normal, it will neither hurt to have sex nor be bad in anyway.

    From a female perspective, I have had no complaints about anyone I've been with who was less then perfectly straight (at least no complaints that had to do with their penis).

    Although if the girl you choose to be with doesn't know they can be curved you might just need to politely inform her it's natural. No need to be insecure about it. Some people just aren't aware.

    Someone in your life (and I'm soooo glad no columnist has suggested this) might say to you that a bent penis is caused by too much masturbation. That person should be laughed at and then promptly ignored. It absolutely is not caused by masturbation. It's the way that the muscles, fascia and skin develop from birth to puberty that shapes the penis, not anything you do to it.

    If you are really worried about it, talk to a doctor of course, but unless the bend is really severe, it should never cause you any trouble.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hello
    :]
    I am dyeing my hair tommorow with
    Loreal color rays and I wanted to know if anyone has used this dye. My main concern is that i dont want my hair to become really dry and damaged and burned up and i wanted to know if this product can really ruinhair. I also wanted to know if anyone had good results with this dye.
    well thanks for you help bye.

    The Answer
    I've used most of the brands of dye out there and Loreal is by far my favorite and most trusted.

    Some people's hair takes colour better then others, but by and large, if you just use the dye correctly and use a decent conditioner for coloured hair, you'll hair will be just fine. With colour rays, you aren't even bleaching it, so I wouldn't worry.

    Of course, for the best possible treatment for your hair, go to a salon, but personally, I never bother. I haven't used colour rays, but I've always been happy with Loreal products so you can relax. If you are really worried, do a stand test with just a few strands of hair deep in the back and see how it will look.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    is fingering yourself bad? i finger myself everyday and more then once a day. is it bad to do it so much?

    The Answer
    As long as you aren't in pain or letting it interfere with the rest of your life then there is nothing wrong with it.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    well theres this boy i like and my best friend knew him before me but never talked to him or anything. she said he was ugly but after i said he was cute and that i liked him she said it to and she starts flirting with him and kissin him on the cheek when im standing right there. He wants us to blow him but take turns. Have one of us blow him while the other one makes out with him then switch. my {best} friend is all like "ya lets do it sexy" and stuff like that and im soo freakin mad cuz she knew i liked him alot!! i told her about this and she just said that im makin a big deal out of nothing and that hes mine. what do you guys think am i overreacting or should i be mad? i mean would you want your best friend making out and givin bj's to the boy you like?

    The Answer
    Yeah, I'd be a little ticked off if my friend put moves on a guy I liked and agreed to do something sexual with him. I might not hate her for it, but I would certainly remember that about her and keep my crushes to myself next time.

    However, in this case I would thank her for proving that the guy I liked was mindless sex fiend who wasn’t really interested in me or my friend but just wanted to get a cheep sexual thrill with anybody who came along.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Dude, alright i live in missouri and I went to a walgreens to purchase some condoms and i am 15. so i was at the check out and the lady said "i'm not going to sell these to you" and i said "uhm lady why not?" and she said "you are too young to be having sex and im not gunna sell these to you" then she put it in the bag to be put back on the shelf...so yah is that legal? (she lectured me for about a 1/2 hr on the subject so please dont lecture me as well

    p.s. i rate for good answers

    The Answer
    Well it's not technically illegal.

    A retail store has the right to refuse service as long as it doesn't go against the Human Rights laws. You could argue that she discriminated against you because of your age, and although that is exactly true, it couldn't be held up in court, because age discrimination isn't a viable complaint when dealing with services that are generally available to public like retail services. The reason age discrimination doesn’t count in this situation was because if it did, stores might be forced to sell cigarettes to underage people, or not be allowed to offer a seniors discount. I know it sounds a little fishy, but trust me on this one; you’d never be able to hold this up in a legal forum as age discrimination. Even though that is what happened, it just doesn’t quite fit the legal definition.

    HOWEVER! It is terrible business practice, and probably against company policy. So write the lady’s manager. What she did was very inappropriate, if no one under eighteen ever purchased condoms at that store again, they would take a serious hit. Write the manager and focus on how rude and insulting she was, and how you do not plan on patronizing their store again and will tell others about your awful experience. If you get no response from the manager of the store, write head office, call a customer complaint line. Unless they are trying to go out of business, they won’t be anymore impressed with that cashier then you were.
    (View All Other Answers.)




eXTReMe Tracker