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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 4652. Visitors: 200397.
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The Question
My best friend who isn't a virgin, and I am 18 and am still a virgin, by choice I feel that I should wait until I am truly in love. Well any ways we got in to a fight to day and she said some ignorant thing, saying that I am a virgin because I can't get none. Which is so not true. I don't know if I should still be friends with her or not. And then we get in to fights because she is with her boy friend all the time, and we never spend any time together except for school. what should I do
The Answer
Things said in anger should never be taken too seriously. The issue with your friend probably has nothing to do with your views on sex, she just hit a nerve by bringing it up.
The real issue is that you feel neglected when she is with her boyfriend, That you need to talk to her about. Read that last sentence agian, I said talk, not argue.
Blaming her will only cause more of these nasty fights, focus on your feelings of neglectment and hurt. If you want a friendship with her, tell her so and tell her what, in your opinion, that friendship should be built on (ie, spending more time togeather, hanging out more, respecting eachother and such)
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The Question
Okay last night I had a really weird thing happen to me. I woke up, but couldn't move. I remember dreaming something and caught myself dreaming and thought about what I was dreaming and I knew for sure I was awake but couldn't open my eyes or move a muscle. It got so scary, I tried to yell out for someone to come shake me but I couldn't make a sound. I tried to fight it so hard, tried in my best will power to move my finger. All the while I felt a certain strange feeling like I was lead toward a dark tunnel, I felt like I was being pulled from my body and I felt if I didn't fight it I would end up dying. And I know this wasn't a dream because I finally came free from the paralyzation and sat up just confused. After this experience I remembered having them all the time when I was a child, and that's why I am so intrested in finding out what this is....I looked some of it up and found that it could be sleep paralysis, but I don't know. Anyone have an idea?
The Answer
It certainly sounds like sleep paralysis. Some people call them night terrors too, intensely bad dreams followed by temporary paralysis. Alot of people have them, and alot of people suffer from them on a pretty regular basis.
If this was a one time thing I wouldn't worry too much. The best thing to do is to try your best to stay calm (even though the natural thing to do is panic) and ride it out. If it becomes a regular occurance, see a doctor to be sure there is nothing more serious at work.
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The Question
What is the average cost of college? I'm in 10th grade, and I have to pay college on my own, like my parents aren't helping, and I was wondering what the average price is for a private college, and the average for a community college. If anybody has been through with college (recently) could you please tell me what college and how much money it cost?
Thank you! :)
Also, when I get a job (when I get my drivers liscense) would it be smart to save up some of the money (take like 1/3 of it) and save it for college, or would it really not amount to anything and not be worth it in the end? Thank's again!
The Answer
Going to college is expensive, anywhere from about 30,000 to 50,000 is about normal. It depends on your program of study as well as if you go to a community school or a private one. It is significantly cheeper if you live at home while you attend. (You'll save about 4,000 a year or more by living at home)
I saved half of every pay check I ever got to go towards my education and I still needed to take out loans and apply for scholarships.
Save every penny you get, it makes your life way easier if you can avoid massive amounts of debt.
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The Question
well you see i'm a mom of a 5 year old and he never leaves. and lately me and my husband have been wanting to have sex. and we're a very loud couple if you know what i mean. what do i do?
The Answer
Learn to be quieter?
Sorry, seriously, at five your son is old enough to be babysat for an evening, he would probably see dinner at another house as a real treat. Maybe another couple with a young child would be willing to trade with you for an evening alone as well.
On the other hand, I have quite a few memories of my hearing my parents late at night. It's kind of embaressing but I am glad to know they have a healthy marriage. Many kids catch thier parents in the act, it doesn't seem to completely mess up a child even if it does bring up some uncomfortable questions.
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The Question
ok so im really scared because i have been to the hospital before because i had a kidney infection and the pain came back again. So i went to the hospital yesterday and i had 2 wee in a pot! Floating in the pot was something white!!!! what is it? it was like a blob of thin cloth but so small. They gave me medicine and said i have an infection what if there is something wrong with me? It can't be a std because i have never had sex in my life. Im 17/f what is it? i will rate you high for some help on answers.
The Answer
You'll find out soon hun, sounds like another bladder infection and/or kidney infection, just take your medication and ask your doctor any questions you need too, they are the ones who know for sure.
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The Question
The title says it all, my apparent "best mate" has went with my ex boyfrieds (Yes I am gay) on three seperate cases, and I dont think its fair or amusing in the slightest. He has saidthat he was sorry for doing there on saturday, and told me that he was verydrunk, but I would never do that, espically in front of me. I know the gay scene is a little promiscious, but come on!Any advice on how to approach him, its becoming annoying!
The Answer
Look, promiscuous or not, that's pretty disrespectful, especially if it becomes a pattern.
My question for you is, do you think anything will change if you approach your friend about his behavior? They are your ex boyfriends, he probably didn't see anything wrong with it, even if it annoys you, there is no real reason for him not to do it again.
If this is something that really bothers you look for friends that share your values, not the entire gay scene is promiscuous and a hook-up culture. I know many nice monogamous and conservative gay couples and individuals, they just take a bit more work to find.
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The Question
Okay, I'm curious as to what you all think about this.
My boyfriend tends to travel in the summer. The summer between 11th and 12th grade, he went to Vegas. The summer after that (this one), he went to Florida. Both times, I cried quite a bit (I also happened to be PMSing both times, I think, but I'm not sure if that actually has anything to do with it). On saturday, he left for Florida again, for college. This is the start of (essentially) a five-year separation. I know this, and it upsets me...but I didn't really cry. I mean, there were a couple of tears, which he adorably wiped away, but there weren't like..."storms of tears", as a friend would put it. I really don't understand why I'm not more upset about him being gone. I won't see him until mid-December, and I'm used to seeing him quite a bit. (We're a very clingy/touchy couple)
We're engaged, so I'm not worried about him going and finding some other girl. He was only home for about two weeks, one of which I was stuck at school for, so I only got to see him for...well, threeish days (I kidnapped him, kinda, and kept him in my dorm), and then about four hours on friday before he left.
Shouldn't I be more upset that we're separated?
I think part of the reason I'm not is because I told him to go. He's going to Full Sail, which I hear is an incredibly good tech-school-type-place, and I wanted him to go and get a jumpstart on his career. I don't do regret, so I don't regret telling him to go, but I miss him...
But at the same time, I'm not upset...like...at all.
What's going on in my head? (Not that you can actually answer that...but you can try, right?)
Please, no stupid answers or chatspeak. I'll only rate you down.
-Siren =)
The Answer
You are proud of him, you know you both have made the right decision and you secure in your love. Why should you cry?
You have someone you love, who loves you, who is following his dreams, and who you trust completely. Why should you cry?
You are engaged as well, that means you are no longer in this for the short term. You don't need to see him every moment of every day just in case it is the last time you do. He is yours forever, you will have years together. Why should you cry?
Tears of loneliness and sorrow will probably come often enough over the next little while. No need to go looking for them. Enjoy your love, even when you are separated from him, and treasure each smile it brings you.
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The Question
I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 26/5 . I know my boyfriend for two months.he is labenese and i'm iranian , we were a happy couple we never had a fight . one day he told me that his family wants him to marry a girl from his own nationality. and when i asked him about his idea he said that he likes the girl but as the same time he does not want to lose me!!!!and i was upset i told him we need to talk but he kept postponing ourdate then we could not talk. I wrote to him that I love him and i can not see him with somebody else , so i will move out of his life and he can go on with his. from that day he is not giving me a direct answer, he keeps saying that he does not want to lose me but he does not talk to me about the whole issue. I even tried not to answer his calls for few days but he kept calling.he is insisting that we have to continue our relationship. I don't know who I am in his life anymore. by the way he told his causine that he loves me as a sister!!! I don't remember being his sister. he does not know what he wants.all i know is that i love him but i want this relationship only if I know that he also has some feelings for me. PLEASE HELP ME
The Answer
It's about time you get angry. What this man is doing is completely unfair. He is stringing you along and not even pretending to be bothered with your feelings.
Do you really want a relationship where your partner wont speak to you about important culture issues and life decisions? Who wont even acknowledge that those issues have a huge emotional impact on you?
The first chance you get ask once more for a frank and open discussion about his feelings and the issues, explain that it is hurting you and making you feel insecure and unsure if you wish to pursue this relationship. If he still refuses to discuss anything and keeps insisting on the relationship without offering you any consideration or explanation, end it.
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The Question
I'm 17 and a senior and I have a serious problem with my dad. I have an older brother who doesn't live at home any more, but when he did, he wasn't exactly the best student. I remember every time interums or report cards would come out, I would hide up in my room listening to him crying as my dad screamed at him. I don't know everything that my dad did, because I never saw it, but I only remember my mom sticking up for him ONCE. He would always tell anyone who would listen what a loser my brother was and how he would never amount to anything. The first time I got a C in math was when I was in the 10th grade. My dad screamed at me and then told me to get out of his face because he didn't want to look at me anymore. He gets pissed off at little things, has thrown chairs across the room and has no clear desire whatsoever to control his anger. He has never hit my mom, little sister or me but he yells a lot and my mom hardly ever says anything to him. He's trying to force me to go to the college he wants me to go to by threatening not to give me any financial support. For a while, I was cutting myself because he made me feel so worthless, but I haven't done so in over two years because my mom walked in on me once. She doesn't believe me when I say I think I'm really depressed. My brother was diagnosed with chronic depression and my dad flipped when he found out because he doesn't believe in psychology, which is the field I want to go into. I really hate him and am sick of putting up with him and I don't know what to do.
The Answer
I hate those kind of fathers, angry as all hell and trying to turn his kids into the same screwed up and worthless person he is.
He clearly has problems controling his anger, it certainly doesn't help that your mother enables him.
It is a sad thing in life that older children have few reasources agianst thier abusive parents unless the abuse is physical.
If you can't speak to your mother about finacial help through college then talk to your guidence counselors. Try to stay calm and explain the problem about finacial help seriously, they will be able to guide you to the proper reasources on student loans as well as scholarships and bursiraries.
Then buckle down for a fight. Accept that in order to follow your dreams you might have to do it alone. Lots of people go through school without the finacial help of thier parents, it is possible, just less plesant.
I can understand wanting to yell back, wanting to scream and make him realize what an idiot he is. But you know by know he isn't capable of admiting he is wrong.
Find the strength inside yourself to ignore him. That was finally the way I delt with my father, whenever he started to yell, I would stop what I was doing and give him my full attention without ever saying a word besides yes and no. Focus on your breathing and make up a chant for yourself to drone out whatever he is yelling about, mine was "I'm going to be world famous and you are going to die unloved." A little nasty sure, but it gave me strength to get through those last years at home.
Good luck and if you need anything, drop me a line.
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The Question
I like this boy...brendan... and last year he hated me and now he says that he likes me a lot as a friend...and my friend kelly who i always talk to...always says BRENDAN HATES YOU or HE LIKES ME MORE THAN YOU (which he doesnt...he hates her) and i tell her shes wrong but she just wont hear it! what do i DO?
The Answer
Ignore her.
It doesn't matter what she believes anyways. If she really gets on your nerves next time she says it, start to giggle, start to laugh and refuse to talk about is seriously with her. Her delusions aren't worth being serious about and certainly not worth you being angry over.
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The Question
is it actually possible for your cherry to pop without having full blown sex? because the real story was my friend had to go to the gyno. and she tried some things but never had sex with a guy, as in a home run, and if so, does the gyno. say anything to parents? i rate high.
The Answer
Yes it is completely possible and more then likely for a girl to break her hymen (pop her cherry) doing other things than sex.
Horseback ridding, track and field, biking and many other activities can break a woman hymen.
It is not only illegal for you gyno to share this information with your parents, it is also really stupid. Because any self-respecting doctor should know that the hymen can be broken in many ways.
There are other, conclusive, virginity tests a woman can undergo to prove she is a virgin but the existence of the hymen is not one of them and none of those other tests can be performed without your permission.
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The Question
Well recently i got about 3 tattoo's and im 14. All of my friends got them too. i live with my mom and she was completly okay with them. Somehow, my dad found out about them. He foundout the name of the guy who did them, and where he lives. He told me he was going to have him arrested. If i am ever the reason somebody gets sent to jail i dont know what i would do. i feel so bad i just wanna die! what should i do!?
The Answer
If your mother has given permission for you to have these tatoos and has custody of you, your father doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.
He can make trouble for the guy professionally though so please try and difuse the situation. Maybe have your mother explain that she has given permission if that will help (depending on thier relationship it might make it worse). If the guy is concerned about this have your mother write a letter of consent detailing your tatoos and the fact she is aware and gave permission prior to all of them.
Good luck.
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The Question
I have reacently posted on here about my boyfriend kissing my bestfriend the day before me and him went out. Well my best friend called her cousin. Her cousin told me that when me and Chris (boyfriend)hooked up Diana (best friend) was crying. I did talk to her about it and she did say that she was crying because she was up-set and thought that Chirs really liked her. He was telling me a WHOLE different storie. He was telling me that none of that was ture. That he never kissed her or said that he liked her... I dont know who to believe. What should I do?
Thanks,
Ashley
The Answer
Why wouldn't believe your friend? Why would she lie to you? Why would she pretend to be this upset?
On the otherhand you have only just started dating this guy and he has every reason to lie to you, just so he doesn't look like a jerk.
I'm shocked you'd even have this problem, even if Chris really didn't think he mislead your friend, is this boy really worth throwing away your friendship with Diana over?
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The Question
Im 15 and my boyfriend is 18. weve been together for almost a year. He was really sweet the first 5 months, but now he has gotten so jealous that we get in fights all the time over it. He doesnt like me talking to guys or even looking at them. He doesnt like me wearing slutty clothes. (he considers skirts slutty) We both work at the same place and when our manager tells me i have to work the drive thru with a boy, he gets so mad at me like i can help it. Ive broken up with him several times hoping that he will change, but everytime i get back with him, an hour later hes right back at it again. Each time i break up he calls me up or comes over telling me how much he loves me and i always take him back. He tells me often that i will NEVER find anyone who will treat me better, and that im lucky to have him!! I told him i dont want to live like this, but he doesnt seem to get it. If i accidentally piss him off he'll go and start flirting or talking to other girls to piss me off. He was like this with his first girlfriend, but it didnt seem to cause problems in their relationship like it has ours. Shes basically the same age as he is, so i dont know if that has anything to do with it. He was very sensitive to her needs, and would hold her if she got upset or mad, but i feel he doesnt care when i get mad. I do know that i dont want to be controlled! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
The Answer
Why are you with this guy?
He doesn't treat you well.
He doesn't trust you.
You don't feel appreciated.
You don't feel loved.
He doesn't respect your feelings.
He generally behaves like an asshole.
That is not the way someone who loves you will behave. That is a possessive little boy throwing temper tantrums whenever his favorite little toy (aka you) doesn't work the way he wants it too.
You are not happy. He refuses to improve. Love shouldn't make you miserable or make you feel second rate. Dump him once more, for good this time.
Don't let anyone, even someone you love, treat you like crap.
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The Question
My ex boyfriend was cheating on me, so I kind of exposed the truth about him cheating on me to all my friends and now hes really mad at me. I feel bad that I dumped him and exposed his "secret" because the truth is, i still like him. But don't you think i have the right to be mad at him? Because he cheated on me, lied to me, called other girls behind my back, and blew me off in the hall last friday....
I'm so confused. Should I call him?
The Answer
No. He treated you with complete disrespect and made a rather disgusting mistake by cheating on you.
It's not your fault that his secret came out. That is like feeling bad for calling the cops on a murderer. The easy way for him to avoid the embarassment would have been not to cheat.
Don't call him. Someone who cheats isn't worth it. Just be civil and don't encourage others to pick on him but the let the fool reap what he sows.
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The Question
Okay... My boyfriend Chris and me started going out this tuesday (9/6/05) I really like him but my friends cousin told me that he was kissing my best friend and asked her out. When me and him started going out my friends cousin told me that my friend called her cryin because me and him went out. Should I talk to them about or let it alone?
Thanks,
Ashley
The Answer
Talk to her unless you want this to get really messy really fast. Don't trust the gossip you hear go right to the source and ask your friend what happened and what is wrong.
She wont be angry with you if you didn't know any better and will be glad you care enough about her feelings to find out the truth from her.
Even if she is angry at least you will have learned that 'Chris' is a bit of a weasel.
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The Question
ok i have this friend. (see title)
anyways we think of e/o as bff and all, but some days, idk she seems kind of ticked. like i say something and she doesnt really respond and i'll ask her whats wrong and she will freak out.
Say we are sitting in math(our first clas togeter) and we both dont say anything. then i say something like 'wow the day is going by fast' or 'did you hear about mr. jo's pop quiz?' and she wont respond, she just sits there. then i ask her whats wrong and she goes: NOTHING! I Am Just Tired! in a real annoyed voice.
what do i do? please hurry i rate high!
The Answer
Maybe she is really tired?
Just give her some space. She is in a bad mood and being bitchy, so back off a bit. Just ask her if something is wrong, make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs someone and then leave it.
She shouldn't be snapping at you every time you open your mouth, and if she wont tell you what is wrong there is no reason for you to just hang about and accept her snarky attitude. If she wont let you help her then just leaver her alone to sulk.
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The Question
I'm moving into a much smaller apartment at the end of the month and I was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to how I could make it look bigger and how could I make it look more homely since my walls will have to be white and most of my furnature (incleading comforter) is black.
The Answer
I actually have a very similar arrangement as I live in student housing. The contrast between black and white will open the rooms up alot for you right away.
What I've done is pick one accent colour as well to brighten things up (I used a burgandy but really any colour will do, go with a light warm colour if you want to make the room feel even bigger).
Don't clutter your walls (I see fellow students do this all the time and it just makes the space so cramped) Use just a few big and clear pictures or posters. The blank space helps. Definately invest in a mirror too.
Have fun!
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The Question
I went out with a guy named jacob and he promised me he was a virgin and he told me he loved me and completely led me on, well i lost my virginity to him and he broke up with me after, saying that his mom found out and hes not allowed to see me and his phone was taken up and hes grounded for 2 monthes, well i found out for a fact that he has had sex with 5 girls before me and my friends saw him out the other night, so he has completely lied to me about EVERYTHING, i bitched him out last night but thats not enough, i NEED to get him back for this or because i wont be able to live knowing i was used and he got away with it, any suggestions?
The Answer
Do you really think there is anything you can do that comes close to the pain and embaressment he caused you?
I mean sure, you could play a few pranks, make some nasty phone calls, but in the end he did get away with lying to you, nothing you do will change that and revenge might get you into a lot of trouble as well as turn you into a nasty and unapealing person.
By all means tell everyone you know how he lied to you, stop girls on the street and warn them, tell everyone who asks what a lying scumbag he is! Tell the simple truth and make him embaressed to show his face in public.
But in the end, your shame and pain is something you need to deal with and not something that will go away just because you cause him pain.
Talk to your friends, scream and cry and bitch, fanatize about revenge, but don't follow through with nastiness that will only make you a nasty person and actions you can never take back.
Take care of youself first and foremost, and drop me a line if you need too.
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The Question
I'm leaving for my 1st undergrad year very soon and I don't know what to do about my boyfriend when I leave. Should I try and conduct a long distance relationship?(My uni is in a different country to my home town). Or should I break up with him? Maybe a trial separation till Christmas when I return for the holidays? Or even an 'open relationship'?
Pros
1)I love him. He loves me.
2)My boyfriend and I will have been together for nearly 1 1/2 years when I go.
3)He's very sweet and he gets on with my family.
4)He's pretty good at sex.
5) He's accepting of my sexuality.
Cons
1) He's a compulsive liar.
2) I'm bi and uni will be my first real chance to explore that.
3)He cannot hold down a job. Or school/college.
4)His sex drive seems a lot higher than mine when we're together.
1)He wants forever and a family. I'm not ready to settle down and I never want to get married.
BTW we're both 18.
The Answer
You've pretty much answered your own question.
He doesn't sound worth holding on to. Your paths are diverging; you know you want different things in the future. Don't string the guy along if you know you are basically incompatible at this new stage in your life.
You can love someone and still accept that you can't make each other happy.
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