TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: ok so heres the deal. my mom and dad divorded when i was 2 years old. he already had kids with his wife before he married my mom and so they never have liked me (my half sisters) since they were older and one has a daughter that is only 5 months younger than me so they never liked my mom either since shes 16 years younger than their dad and my dad... so they of course hate me and my dad sorta likes me well i know he loves me as his child but he never approves of how i do my hair, how i dress or anything. he doesnt like that all my friends are guys. he doesnt like anything about me... my music... or anything. hes always unhappy about something im doing. so yeah. i have TRIED SO HARD to make him like me and to make my relationship better with him but he seems to always find a way out. and hes 62 and has had a heart attach and since i dont live with him i live with my mom i dont see him alot and he keeps telling me if i dont like it out there i should just come twice a year instead of twice a month. its gotten to where i hate to go although i want to be close to him but now i just seem to cry about it everyday and i want to give up. so should i just give up on him and not really have a dad since he doesnt act like my dad as it is... or keep trying and feel the pain. im just afraid hes gonna die and ill never know what its like to have a good father daughter relationship. opinions/advice please! i rate 5's.

I don't think that you should give up, but maybe you should give this a rest.

I think that you should try talking to your mom about what's happening between you and your dad. And if she's not emotionally available, then try talking to someone else, like another family member, or a counselor at school. Someone who can let your dad know that you are upset with the way things are happening with the both of you.

Everyone usually goes through a time in their life where they are unable to connect with their parents or their whole family. And it's really hard on you because these are the people who you come home to every night. It sounds like there are tons of things happening at once in your family and it's all hard to balance out and keep track of. What you have to learn is that you won't agree with everything your family says or does. And a lot of teens wait for their parents to agree with them, but just because you don't agree with everything, it doesn't mean that you can't get along or have a good relationship with them.

It's just like having friends. Your friends may think that it's ok to do something while you totally think it's wrong, but yet you can still be really good friends. Not everyone is just like another person, but yet we have to find a way to still get along or live with each other.

You can also try buying your dad a card telling him that you love him and you really want to make things better in your relationship.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I've been friends with this girl since the beginning of 8th grade - we're in 9th now. She's friends with most of the same people as me and we're pretty close. Last year she did what she wanted to do and didn't really care what others thought. Now, she's started copying my sayings, my interests, all of my music, my books, absolutely EVERYTHING. And also, one of our other friends got her hair cut short a bit ago and the copying girl just went out and chopped all of her hair off too. This annoyed both me and the girl who got her hair chopped off first.

I've tried everything - ignoring it, not talking about my interests, asking people for advice - but nothing works. I need to make her realize that she needs her own identity - not mine and everyone else's. Is there a way to confront her non-threateningly? What should I do?

I think you are taking this thing the wrong way. When someone wants to be like you, it can actually be a really neat thing.

I know you may be annouyed, but she'll eventually just go back to who she was. This is all normal. Everyone has this phase in their life where they want to be like another person because they really admire them. And the best that you can do is just wait until she realizes that she should start being her own person. Being annouyed is ok, but it comes to a point.

The way I see it, you have a pretty big impact on the person she is right now. So, instead of being annouyed, just try taking this as a compliment. She really likes you enough to copy your interests, and sayings, and a lot of things about you. This won't go on forever. It's a temporary situation.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I know this sounds incredibly stupid, but I am terrified of spiders! Everytime I see one near me, or even up in the wall in my room, I freak. I know this is considered a phobia, but as far as illnesses go...? I feel like when I see one they're on me all over and I have to get it off. Is there anything I can do about this?

This phobia is completely normal, there are tons of people who hate spiders and I am still one of them.

When I was younger, I was scared to the point of not even being able to kill them with something, but now I know that they are more than ten times smaller than me.

Try keeping a can of bug spray or just kill it with something even though it seems really hard for you. When you start getting used to being able to kill them, you'll feel in control and not as scared when you see one.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok.. I'm 13/f and I'm in the 7th grade. I play JV ball for the highschool and there is this girl who is in the same grade and she got ask to play with us in the summer and now she is telling every body that she is a varisty player for the highschool.. her mother puts stuff in her head tellin her she is the best ball player ever and crap.. it really just pisses me off..It gets stuff in her head and crap.. We'll get to play them in aau and I'm going to show her out for she won't think she is the best ever..should I be mad or how should I think about this?

It's not really bad to feel confident in yourself that you are a good player, but soon she will realize that she isn't better than everyone, and everyone eventually learns that.

Instead of trying to be a better player than her, just be her friend, and you don't have to, but don't compete with someone else whose suppose to be on your team! You don't have to show her that she isn't the best player in the whole school, she will realize that.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My sister is such a bitch. Everytime I do the slightest thing wrong she swears at me (eg. f*cking retard, f*cking moron). She searches for stuff I do wrong so she can yell at me. She thinks she's a perfect little angel, when she's not and fucks up just as much as I do, but when she does, she just shrugs it off and says "whatever". I've tried ignoring but it doesn't work. How can I make her stop calling me names ? I really appreciate any help because I can't take this.

Everytime questions like these come up, I always have to ask where their parents are in this whole mess.

You are very young and your sister shouldn't even be allowed to call you these names for any reason. I'm going to assume that your parents don't exist in this.

I know it can't be easy to have to deal with being called those names and wanting to just hurt her because you feel so angry. When she calls you names for something you did, just walk away, go to your room or a room where she can't get in to yell at you. Don't fight back even though it's really hard. Get out a journal or something you can write in and write what you want to say to her, even if it means cussing on paper. Act like she's yor pillow and beat it up or something. Whatever helps without having to show her that you're angry with her. You have to make her think that you aren't listening anymore and you don't care.

This will eventually make her understand that if she's going to call you names or try to lecture you, she'll just be talking to herself because you are leaving everytime. But, what I think really needs to be done is that you need to let another family member know what's going on. And if yoyr parents let this happen, talk to a counselor at your school or someone that can help. I can't really see how someone can keep getting called horrible names and having to deal with it. It honestly sounds unbearable. Try letting someone know how you've been feeling lately.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I recently broke up with my boyfriend because i got the sense that he was using me.I dont know what i did but he acts like we never dated and he talks about how bad a gf i was.personaly i dont think i did nothing wrong.YOu know now that i remeber, in the beinging he was very nice and his sister told me that he talked about me all the time, but as the weeks went on he started to careless he started not to call me and when i was with him he would be different he really confused me.then one night i had a dream about one of my guy friends and he really started to be a bad bf.I told him i didnt like anybody else, but he continued to be mad at me.it suxed then i thought "2 can play this game"and i started being mean and not calling him at all.I did that to see if he really cared but he didnt.So thats y i dumped him.But now i miss him and i realy hate to admit it.I cant stop thinking about him. This is really bad because i take antidepressants and being in this situation really doesnt mix well...i need help! thankz

I know it probably really hurts to lose someone you really had feelings for, but you just have to remind yourself that it has to be this way because you can't let a guy treat you the way this previous guy did.

You don't have to go through the relationship and try finding your mistakes and how maybe you could have been better. The point is that he could have acted like a boyfriend and he didn't. And, just because he didn't treat you like one, it doesn't mean that it isn't ok to miss him. You both started out great you said, he was nice and he talked about you to his family. It's not bad at all to miss that time when you were both first together.

Being depressed already and having to go through something else thats depressing can be really hard. To cope with all of this, you should always try sticking around your friends and family and keep your alone time limited. It's ok to cry sometimes, but try not making it a habit. You'll feel better to be around people who care about you. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about this too. Letting everything out works too.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okay so here is my story. my parents had me before they got married..but they got separated before that so i guess im technically a love child-but anyways thats not the point.

what my question is, is who should i live with as i go into my first year of high school???

let me give you a bit of an updated backround before you answer this not-easy question...

~dads house~ dad, stepmom, and stepbrother (17)

PROS: no crying babies, more alone time, more time with me/my dad, more attention(more like atleast some attention), good healthy food, spending money, dad usually takes me places on the weekends
CONS: i dont get to see my sisters grow up, i probably break the small contact that ive had with my mom to almost zero and i may be homesick because ive always lived with her since the separation, dad will be popping any zits he sees on me (ouch!), my stepmom has these 'moments' when she gets really pissed off and doesnt talk to anybody and she slams doors and all that crap to let everyone know shes mad**that lasts for days**and it is unbearable!!, and i hate my room (but i understand that can be changed)

~moms house~ mom, stepdad, half sister (5), half baby sister (14 m)

PROS: i have friends here that i get to hang out with, i get to go to the bball court and 7/11 and Osco with a friend(walking distance), i looove my room, school has been good(friends, no enemies, good teachers, good year)*so i am in hope that the next will be just as much fun*
CONS: my mom and i have little contact(i always feel like im bothering her), i cant stand my sisters(their parents didnt raise them the right way)+ i have no say..i am yelled at for yelling at them when theyre bad*mainly the 4 yearold*, i have no say in anything, i only get to see my dad on the weekends, my mom is too overprotective of me, were moving after 8th grade(and not sure if im going to my designated high school)*that means new friends and new neighborhood*(ive moved alllot), not so good food(so i go to fastfood places and eat junk-not good), and no spending money + i havent been shopping in like 3-4 months, no one takes me anywhere..i always have to ask for a friends ride

alright well even though there may be a bit of a lopsided diference..some 2 things combined equal to one thing on another list (and they are both equally bad)..so if you can help me decide before i finish 8th grade..that would be great. and please explain..dont make it a MOM or DAD answer....thx soo much. ill rate high!!

This is a really hard decision for you I bet.

I'd probably have to go with your mom on this because you said that school is good, you have a lot of friends. Friends are really important because it's a way to escape family and have people who will be there for you outside of family. You also said that you are moving, but like you said, this will mean new friends, new school, new everything. I know it sounds scary, but if it doesn't end up working out, then you could always change your mind.

I'm not sure how far away your parents live from each other, but maybe when you need spending money, you could go to your dads and get some by staying there for a while. Or, you can switch every other weekend with your parents, that way one weekend you go places with your dad, and another weekend you have time to yourself at home or just being with friends. I don't know if that is an option for you, but it would be a pretty neat idea so that you can catch up with both families.

If you do live with your mom, then you could always spend your time on a school activity after school or joining a club. High school has tons of options, you will love it much better than middle school. Plus, high school can keep you pretty busy with homework, too.

If you want to live with your dad, then you can always fix your room up the way you want it. And, there isn't a whole lot you can do about your step-mom being moody for no reason except to let her know that if she needs to talk to someone, then you are here for her, or just deal with these moods which can be hard. To cope with this, you can always stay in your room, or talk on the phone, or have a journal if you don't already. Or, like I said, high school activities can always help you get away.

The parent that you should go with is the one that:

1. You feel can understand you when you feel stressed out or upset

2. You can ask for help with homework, or anything else

3. You can spend a lot of time with

Try going over these pros and cons again and decide which ones that you can deal with, and the ones you can't. I know that there are things you can't deal with in both homes, but try thinking about them more. Like, you say that you really want to watch your sisters grow up in your mom's home, but yet they are mean little brats. Well, all sisters will annouy you, and be brats, but it's something that you can deal with because everyone does.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I like this boy alot and Im guessing he likes me to. We have kissed and he has told people and me that he liked me. I like him alot and I want to go out with him but I`m afraid I`ll never be able to see him, only on weekends and stuff.
I`m afraid that if we go out he will flirt and stuff with other girls sense we wont be with eachother often. I`ve known him for a while and he doesnt seem like a guy who would do that. And if he ever hurt me my brother would kick the shit out of him.

I guess I have two questions.

1)should I go out with him? and should I ask him out sense he hasnt asked me out? If I should ask him out how should I do it? if not how should I get him to ask me out?

2)how can I make it so I can see him more often?

I would hope that this guy likes you if he kissed you. If not, then he would be really out of line.

If you do really like him, then I'd probably go out with him. And when you find out that you both are wanting to be together, then maybe you could try discussing these fears that you have with him. Explain to him that you feel like maybe he'll flirt with other girls just because you two won't be together a lot.

You can't really make a guy ask you out. You either wait until he makes the move, or you go ahead and make it. Theres no wrong way to go, but he might be feeling the same way as you, he might be waiting to hear from you like you are from him. Maybe you could have a friend ask him and then you could find out.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: One of my best boy mates (lets call him adam) was going out with this girl (lets call her Tia). I had known Tia for a long time before Adam met her, but she asked him out, and they were inseperable.
What I hadn't told Adam was that Tia seems to use boys a bit, as soon as someone else comes along, she dumps her current boyfriend. I couldn't just go and tell him, they were so happy together and I didn't want to spoil anything.
Recently, Tia met this other guy (lets call him sean), and dumped Adam straight away. I can't believe it, cos Adam is so sweet and kind, i suppose he can easily get walked over though.
He treated her better than any other guy did.
Its just, he's so devestated, and I want to know how to make him cheer up. So, anyone got any ideas?

There isn't a whole lot that you can do about someone who is going through a break-up. At least not something that can make their pain go away.

All you can really do is let him know that he can come to you anytime he needs to talk to someone. But, usually guys just might want to be left alone after something like this happens because guys usually want to be strong like they are looked at as.

If he ever thinks about trying to get back with this girl again, or the possibility of them getting back together comes up, that would be the correct time to let your friend know who this girl really is.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Ok well my mom is the type that dosent listen. She dosent trust me going to my friends house when the parents arent home. She thinks we going to do something. Thats gets me very mad to cause i try to tell her we wont but she dosent believer me. I lost my trust with her once. I want to get it back but it just wont work and i dont know how. She just dosent let me do hardly anything to get it back. So can someone please tell me what can i do cause i dont want to loose my best friends because of something so stupid like that. Please answer fast because i need to talk to her soon. Kristy.

I don't take your mom as someone who doesn't listen. I believe that if you've done something to make her think that being at your friends's house isn't a good idea, then it's right for her to keep this from happening.

I know that you are angry about your mom not letting you do things, but this is something you can't change with her unless she says that you can. If she lost your trust because of an issue that happened in a house with no adult supervision, then that is your own fault that you are no longer allowed to be somewhere without adults.

If your mom has always had this rule, then why complain about it now? It's not something that will keep you from having friends, and if that truly is the case, then maybe you didn't choose the right friends. Your friends can always come to your house or another friends house where adults are. If theres anything you should be doing for your mom, it should be respecting her rules and trying to become a more trustworthy daughter to her so that she won't have to set another rule you are angry about.

[I guess ignorance hates honesty]

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Alright, I have had it. I talked to my mom about letting my boyfriend and I hang out. She won't let us hang out alone (by the way, I'm 15) Which i understand. My boyfriend just called a couple minutes ago and talked to my mom and asked her if I could go with him and another couple to the movies. My mom said no to this because she said she doesn't trust the couple because they have been together for so long and the boy has a bad reputation and I have told my mom this before. I asked my mom if it would be ok to go with some of my friends and she said no because someone might end up being upset because they arent getting enough attention. I told her I give everyone the equal amount of attention. She goes back and says "Well you still are not allowed to date". Is there any way to get her to let me hang out with him and my friends?
Thanks so much!

The only way that your mom will begin trusting you with your boyfriend is if you respect her wishes by not being around him by yourself.

What can really help a situation like this is to ask your parents if he can come over for dinner a few times or just come over and talk with your family. If your parents start to know your boyfriend better, they'll feel more comfortable with you dating him when you are allowed to, and I'm not saying this will happen, but maybe she might even let you hang out alone with him at times earlier.

I know you are probably frustrated with your mom being paranoid about you and your boyfriend, but when you think about it, you'll be feeling the same way with your kids later on when they want to date. Try being mature about this by respecting your mom's wishes and being patient.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: After writing an essay about something we liked were gunna have to speak in front of the class for a timed 5 minutes about it. And i'm scared out of my mind. Whenever we have to talk in front of the class i start talking fast (which doesnt help me reach 5 min easily) and like moving my legs back and forth. Its weird, cause usually i'm really up beat and talk real loud and stuff like that. But yeah i'm super nervous. And suggestions that would help me not be so scared?

Try taking comfort in knowing the fact that everyone else is scared too. Maybe not everyone is scared, but trust me, there are about 5 or more people who are feeling the same way as you are when speaking in front of the class.

What you should pay attention to is impressing the teacher instead of the class, I know that sounds really hard. I felt the same way when speaking in front of the class, but then I just read my paper and looked up at the class every once in a while as if I'm trying to tell them something important. It's ok to get a little shaky while speaking, but just take deep breaths and keep reading clearly. The worst that can happen is if you accidently pronounce a word wrong and that is definetly not a big deal.

My teacher really liked it when I'd speak clearly as if I mean what I'm reading and look up and the class as I speak from rememberng a sentence. If you can't seem to remember very well when looking at the class, you can always make something up in it by adding a fact or something. The important thing is that you keep clam and know that you aren't the only one whose feeling tense about this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay so i have a boyfriend. And i dont know how much i really like him, like sometimes i really do but other times it seems like he's just there. The farthest we've gone is like kiss, and we never hang out outside of school. So i almost just consider us as good friends .. considering before we started going out i would kiss my good guy friends all the time, like on the cheek. So me and his relationship is just like one step farther.. and i almost think its dumb. Two of my good girl friends are a year older then me and they both loved that went out before but think that i should break up w/ him now. i said i think i should too.. because i do. but i know that he'll be pissed, and not talk to me for like who knows how long. And i really wanna continue to be friends w/ him. Both of my friends think i'm gunna chicken out, and i am just scared. And dont know how i should deal w/ this.. i am really close to alot of guys in my grade, and can be sort of a flirt. me and my boyfriend barly talk & it really doesnt even seem like were going out. But i dont know, i dont wanna him to like hate me if we do break up. And my ex best guy friend, is really good friends w/ him now. And thinks that i'm like a horrible girlfriend to him, and that i treat him bad because i sort of deny him sometimes cause i think its awkward. But i dont know how to tell w/ that either. its like if i do break up w/ him that my ex guy friends gunna hate me even more. And were almost becoming friends again.. i dont know. Please help me ...

Let me just lay down a few things for you about your options. If you do end up breaking up with this guy, yes, he may be very upset and will not talk to you but that is what's suppose to happen after a break-up. If breaking up with him means for another guy friend to hate you, is he really worth building back up a friendship for? A lot of girls always won't break up with a guy because they are afraid that they won't ever be friends again, but that is something you'll have to live with. It happens, and sure, maybe after a long period of time you can become friends again, but if I were you, I wouldn't count on it.

If you don't want to break up with this guy, then give this relationship time to move forward more. Don't be impatient just because a month or two passes by and nothing is happening yet. This is normal, and thats how serious relationships grow. They put in time to know each other more and then you begin to break out of the shy shell and start actually doing things. And the reason a kiss isn't feeling so exciting with this guy is because you mentioned that you already kiss your guy friends on the cheek. Of course it's not a lot to do, you do the same thing with your friends!

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm still in love with my exboyfriend but I know he doesn't like me anymore but the thing is i CAN'T get over him! I've been trying for over 6 months and I just burst into tears when we had this conversation on the computer...

him: i hav a question
me: yess?
me: whats your question?
him: i love u but here is my question can we put clip art on our project
me: lmao yeah
him: not love love but u no
me: lmao yeah

WHAT SHOULD i DO!? PLEASE HELP ME!

Listen, you are going about this completely wrong. Do you want to know why you aren't over him? Because you've been talking to him.

The only way you'll ever get over someone is to stop talking for way more than 2 months. Building a friendship definetly isn't the way to go either. Seriously, you have to shut off all contact with this guy to get over him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 14/f. jonathon, my best guy friend, has been acting like a jerk to me the past few weeks. i got mad about it, and we kind of stayed away from each other for a few days. he and i were really close before then and told each other everything. as soon as jonathon and i quit talking for awhile, sarah, my other best friend, started hanging around him and he apparently "replaced" me with her in the sense that he began to tell her everything and stuff (his "depressing" life story and the big part that i played in it). so last night jonathon and i resolved our issues, and he told me that there's no excuse for the way he's been treating me, but the only reason that he's been weird is that he has a major crush on me and kind of doesn't know how to act around me right now because he likes me but doesn't want to scare me off (we had talked about not dating anybody until high school, so even if we like each other we kind of vowed to just stay friends). so now things are kind of how they used to be (after we were "cool" again, he asked me to this big banquet for next year as friends and i said okay). now i'm hoping that things are going to be just the way they were before. but, i'm worried that he's replaced me with sarah as somebody to talk to. do y'all think that i'm overreacting? by the way, i don't like him in that way, he's just my best friend. do you think that maybe he started hanging around sarah more to make me jealous or something?

I think that things between you and this guy really won't be the same again because of the tension that is going on right now. Having feelings for someone while the other person doesn't have feelings can change a lot of things in a relationship.

In a way, I can see why he's confiding in another person because maybe you are part of his secrets or part of what he's always talking about. Like when you confide in a best friend about a guy you really like, you would never confide in the guy you liked because it's secret. Sometimes it's just too hard to keep balances in male and female friendships because half of the time, someone will start to like the other person. And once that person knows, everything changes.

I think what you should do is give everything more time. When he decides to come to you about a problem or just someone to talk to, let him open up and don't use the fact that he's been turning to someone else against him. He may come out of his shell later, and the only way to keep a friendship going is to wait for things to change again.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i gotta cutting problem im 15 and a gurl and a few of my friends are getting mad at me for it. ITs so hard not to cut though like when im cuttin i dont even care cuz im so mad and its gotton really bad. Like im afraid that one of these times im gonna get so madd im gonna end up killing myself cuz its like i just dont care but the next day i really regret doin it. I'v tried everything i could think of to stop but nothing works. SO my question is does anybody know ways to stop cutting

Well, I know it has to be tough to quit cutting, but try putting yourself in your friend's position. You would be really upset too if one of your friends were cutting.

What you should do is come clean and let someone know that you have been depressed and unleashing it in the wrong way. Like a trusted adult or your parents. You'll feel better when someone knows that you're going through a rough time because then they won't be confused and upset about why you are moody or depressed.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i like this boy in my gym class we USTE to be very good buds..We ALMOST dated before .. then he uste to be a real jerk.. so i quit talking to him for about month. i decided to start talking to him and i like him again.. Should I?

If you feel that you can work things out with him again, then I see no reason why you shouldn't try again.

Lots of guys around your age will be jerks at times, but it's your job to show them that if they act like a jerk toward you, then you aren't sticking around to be treated like that.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So I am friends with mostly girls. One of my closest guy friends' name is Ethan. He has a girlfriend. I think that he likes me, though, because he flirts with me a LOT and knows me really well.

I always wait for him leaving school. Today it was me, my friend Kathryn, and Ethan. Ethan just stopped, playfully kicked my butt, and then kept walking. Also, we always get in trouble for talking.

Recently, I got contacts, and since for a field trip, I wasn't at school Friday when I wore them, I asked my friend Kody to tell Ethan that I was wearing contacts. Today, I brought it up and he was so excited for me. Also, I was looking for a certain shirt to show school spirit, and he reminded me to get it.

In like December, we, among other friends (a group of 20) went skating. He was holding my hand to not get off-balance, but even after he got on balance, he was still skating with me and grabbed onto me if he was about to fall.

We have a ton of inside jokes, and also, we sit together when we have to partner up in the class that I have with him.

Some of these are things that consider friendly, and some I consider flirting. Do you guys think that he likes me?

Thanks. Oh, and to avoid a low rating, please type correctly!! Thanks again.

Oh, and we're both 15.

Well, I don't really have any reason to think that he doesn't like you more than a friend, but he has a girlfriend.

Plus, try to think about this: He has a girlfriend, and yet he's acting flirty around some other girl. Do you think that you'll be different? Well, probably not. I think that while he's with you, he'll act the same way toward another girl he's into.

I'm just warning you that you can tell a lot about a guy the way he acts around other girls while he's in a relationship. So, be careful when it comes to this guy.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Ive been raped before and everytime im with a guy i get flashbacks. its been about 10 years since this has happened but im still scared its gonna happen again. how can i get over the feeling?

I think that you should seek some professional help from a therapist.

Events like rape can really effect your thinking in love and relationships. And, I think that you really need to feel a sense of protection from another guy because of this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Ok. Well, I got accepted into this private (boarding) school. Mercersburg. And I'm really excited about it. (I'll be in High School next year) So, at first I was a little hesitant because I was afraid of missing my friends. But now that I think about it more, I don't know how much I'll really miss my friends. Like, my good friends they kinda treat me like a third wheel. One of them had been my best friend since kindergarten and we used to get in a lot of fights (i never knew why. she just got mad at me.) And she usually ditched me for people she just met. It hurt me really badly, and thinking about it still hurts. This year she left me for one of my other friends. Whenever I'm with them seperately they're all right, but together it's like I'm not even there. They forget I exist. I feel like I'll miss my other friends more than them. I'm almost relieved to leave them and all the hurtful memories behind. I've always kinda been taken advantage of in my friendships and I try so hard to wait for them after class or things like that. But the actions are never returned. It really upsets me. Am I wrong to feel this way? I'm not really quite sure what I want advice on, but it's really been bothering me.

Thank You,
XOXO

I think that it's perfectly fine to think about how much you'll miss your friends and everything. And if your friends did really treat you like a third wheel and you feel upset about it, that's fine too.

I just think that you should think more about the positive experiences you'll have in this new school with new friends. I'm sure your old friends may not have intended on hurting your feelings by making you feel as if you don't exist, but since you are leaving this school, it's time to have a new and different chapter of your life.

As for having a good solid mind with new friendships, you have to let friends come to you at times to test if the friendship is true. Like, if you always meet up with a certain friend every morning, try and see if he/she will ever come to you first that day or something. If you always call them after school, ask them to call you instead one day and see if they call. It isn't wrong to feel stepped all over in friendships when that is truly happening. But, true friends will come to you too instead of just you coming to them.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.