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confused
Ive been raped before and everytime im with a guy i get flashbacks. its been about 10 years since this has happened but im still scared its gonna happen again. how can i get over the feeling?
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The only way to get over a rape is to attempt to forget about it. I know it's impossible. But surround yourself with friends, family, and people you love. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. It's my biggest fear.
Just try to think positive when you are with a guy. Think how much you're attracted to him, not what he is capable of. I thought that I was going to get raped for a few years, just because of all the scary shows I watched. But now, I realized that if a boy really cares about me and seems trustworthy, then you should believe him. Again, I'm SO sorry that that happened to you =(
Good Luck!
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Hi
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know exactly how you feel (I've been there more than once).
I found that to get past these troubling flashbacks and nightmares you have to work through your feelings. Are you in councelling? This is so important. A good councellor can work with you until you can step out of your black haze and move on with your life productively.
Of course the bad memories will never completely go away, but it can and will get better if you take the right steps.
Writing this question was a great step. The fact that you are recognizing your problem and are seeking help is so important. The worst thing you can do is keep it bottled up inside.
It's terrifying to re-live your attack every time you want to have sex, maybe you should consider abstinence until you feel you've worked through your issues? Just a thought. Please get help. Take care.
Brenda
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What a brave question, and I'm glad you asked it. You're a survivor of a very traumatic experience, and there are certain things that will "trigger" very emotional responses. It makes complete sense that sexual situations are triggers back to that trauma.
I would have some questions for you before delving any deeper. How long have you been with this partner? Is this a committed relationship? Does your partner know that you are a rape survivor?
Also...have you been through any therapy? Many survivors of abuse find that they cannot get past many of the triggers associated with rape and abuse without first accepting and dealing with what happened. You may be blocking parts of your experience, which I am sure was horrific...and you may not be able to get past this until you've truly dealt with every aspect of your trauma.
No one gets over rape. It will be a part of who you are...but it does not have to define you. If your partner doesn't know, it may be time to tell him or her. If your partner does know, then you need to be sure to be able to tell your partner that this is triggering you, and that you need to stop, for the sake of your own emotional health.
However, if you've been through therapy, and you're looking for ways to come back to a sexually positive feeling about sex, I would suggest reading "The Survivor's Guide to Sex". It is an AMAZING book that finally goes past the "It's ok to say no to sex" advice from therapists, to really "It's ok to say yes to sex and pleasure", which is much harder. It's a wonderful book, and it would be a really insightful book for your partner to read as well.
Good luck with everything...by talking about your abuse, you are progressing. You're tougher than you know, and you'll get through this. Find your support network, get help, and please know that it was not your fault...and that you deserve love and pleasure.
Take care,
Marissa
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if your parents know about this then i highly suggest a therapest or counselar...someone you are able to talk to.
if your parents dont know then make sure you really trust the guys your around. i know its hard because some of them will remind you EXACTLY of him...stay away from those ones.
just surround yourself with people you can trust and stay away from the ones that make you nervous.
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i definitely agree with what the columnists before me have said. maybe you should consider seeing a therapist. rape is a serious, and very scary issue, and somebody might be able to help you get over the fear of it happening again.
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I think that you should seek some professional help from a therapist.
Events like rape can really effect your thinking in love and relationships. And, I think that you really need to feel a sense of protection from another guy because of this.
-TheTeenGirl
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Professional therapy and treatment.
I'm sorry if that sounds flippant; I don't mean it that way. Believe me, I DO know what you're going through.
Rape is about as serious a mental trauma as you can experience, barring the death of a child. It's MORE serious than a broken bone. It can destroy your life, if you let it.
I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but what you've described sounds like it could very well be post-traumatic stress disorder, by the way.
There ARE ways to treat PTSD. Waiting for it to go away is NOT one of the treatments, however. You need help from a professional, the same as if you'd had a heart attack.
Don't live your life in fear and pain. Don't let the man who hurt you take the rest of your life away, too.
Here's the number of the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1(800)656-HOPE. They're open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They're confidential and free. They will NOT make you talk to the police or do anything else that you don't want to do. And they'll help you take the first step in getting your life back, and the ability to love without fear.
I'm so sorry that you were raped. I wish you a swift recovery.
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