I am at breaking point with my mom. She does not accept the woman I love, with whom I have two sons. This problem is damaging the lives of my family as well as my father and brothers. She twists events to the point of complete fiction and twists them in such a way that we are terribly victimizing her. In truth, knowing her condition, we have taken great care into our dealings with her and have always welcomed her in our lives. Somehow, my partner seems to sit in the wrong way, not greet her in such a way as to appease her, not call enough, not come from a nice enough family - the list is infinite. She doesn't believe that our intentions are pure. My partner has continued to try, despite the fact that she will never be accepted and that she will always accidentally do something wrong - but she has reached the point where she has spiritually given up - she can never show her real self to my mother again.
My mom creates massive drama around every important event in life - from the birth of our son, the completion of my PhD, moving into my first home - they have all been spoiled because of her fiction drama. Everyone in the family knows she has lost her mind, but everyone is afraid to confront her - and rightfully so. If you don't agree with what she says, then you are the enemy. So, she creates this fake world, people try to pacify her and we grow more distant. I am at a loss for what to do. I could talk honestly with her - a strategy which has never worked in the past, or I could keep trudging along trying to be nice and to serve as a bridge between the most important people in my life. My last attempt at honesty resulted in her listing off further transgressions on our part and her continued inability to understand any other viewpoint. Unfortunately, I have reached the point where I am too angry and frustrated to continue this much longer. I'm not willing to lose my mother – despite all of this, she is a very loving and good woman. However, I am afraid that I have no reasonable options to pursue! Any advice would be very appreciated.
Male, early thirties
Your mom may simply feel as if you don't need her anymore. So, she's taking it out on your wife. After all she is the woman who 'took you away from her' right? I'm not married or anything, but my mom was the same way when I moved in with my boyfriend. She felt like I no longer needed her and that pretty much made her useless because that's what she was there for, to take care of me. It hasn't been very long though and my mom has grown to like him and accept it, so obviously your mom's problem is more then that. I'm not an expert on the whole 'losing her mind' thing, but as far as her easing up on your wife and everyone else a little, try showing your mom you still need her in some way. Do you ever call her just to talk to her? If not, that could help. As well as taking her places or just visiting her even if it's without the rest of your family. Whatever you do is gonna take time though, but as long as you don't give up on her, she shouldn't either.
=] Evy
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ok, i was at a house party last week and i didnt really know everybody who was there, it was really my friend who wanted to go. everybody got really drunk but i didnt because i dont drink.
anyway these guys started talking to me but i said i wasnt interested because i have a boyfirend. (ive been seeing him for a year and i love him to bit.) so we just sat talking and they brought me a drink from the kitchen and i remember i felt ill and went to the bathroom but i dont remember anything after that except waking up in a bed. i think they spiked my drink and im worried they did something to me and i dont know who they were.
do i tell my boyfirend and if so, how? i dont want him not to believe me and think i cheated on him.
Honestly, I don't think you should tell your boyfriend unless you know FOR SURE that something happened.
Even if they did spike your drink, you may have just passed out and someone put you in a bed out of the way. You never know..
Even though it was the wrong thing for them to spike your drink, as long as you aren't hurt or anything, I think it'd be best to keep quiet about. It might ruin your relationship.
If you WANT to tell him, then just tell him the guys at the party spiked your drink. That's all you have to say. It's not even lieing, you don't know if anything else did or didn't happen.
And if you tell him you don't know what happened, it's not exactly his place to get mad at YOU because it wasn't your fault. He'll probably just be upset that the guys did that to you.
You don't wanna tell him and him get upset over nothing though..it's up to you!
=] Evy
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My husband bought me a dog when we first got married, I loved this dog more than anything in the whole world..time passes me and hubby got a divorce and I moved.. that living situation didnt work out and I asked my Ex to take care of my dog for a few months for me (I knew he would take good care of her) anyways, I just found out that he gave Precious away! He gave her to his brother and his brother's wife -the wife, which hates me more than anyone on the face of the earth! What can I do? She was not a pure breed dog so I have no papers on her of that kind. I do have all my papers from vet visits with my name being on the reciepts as the owner. I also have TONS of picutres of me and her from the last 5 years. Do I have any legal rights or should I plot to steal her back? This woman never took care of her dogs and you could always see there rib cages. It is breakin my heart that my dog could possibly not be fed or showed the love she needs. Please just offer me your opinion... my heart is breaking! P.S. I'm married now and can provide her all the love and care she could ever need.
-Missing Precious
If you think you can win the case, you could always take the woman to court. It sounds like you may have enough information to be convincing.
Have you tried talking to her? She might not really hate you as much as you think.
If I were you, I'd ask the woman to simply give your dog back to you. If she says no, warn her that you're willing to take her to court for it. If she doesn't give in, then go for it. But she may realize that you love the dog and it's not really worth having to go to court and just give it back to you.
If you don't wanna talk to her, ask your ex-husband to talk to her if he's willing. Or even his brother..he may understand the whole situation better.
If she isn't taking care of the dog [or previous dogs as you said] and you can prove that, I can almost gaurantee that it's possible to get your dog back if you talk to the right people..maybe animal control of some sort! I wish you the best of luck!
=] Evy
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well i got this dwarf hamster like a week ago and like the second day i got it my friend came over and was holding it and stuff and got me use to holding it and i was soo happy but then the next day i went to hold him and it nipped me! so now im scared to hold it. I washed my hands too before i held him too! any tips or anything would be greatly apprecitated!! thanks!
It's not you, so you don't need to be afraid. They have moods just like any other animal or human and sometimes they don't want to be held or touched. It probably won't ever get used to your touch, but if you talk to it before you hold it and rub its back, it could help a little. Make it feel safe. Put your hands together, kinda like your cupping them [like your putting water in them or something if that makes sense] and put the hamster in your hands that way, so it'll feel safe. Anyways, they're gonna bite, there really isn't a way around it. Some are more nice than others though..good luck!
=] Evy
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Okay, my boyfriend and I have been trying to have a baby, it's been hard but here's a few questions.
1) how long do I have to wait & pee after he cumz inside me?
2) Sometimes after we have sex i feel his cum is coming it why?
As far as the first question, after you have sex, don't get up right away. Lay there for a few minutes before you get up and move around.
& If you didn't know, it's easiest to get pregnant when you're ovulating, so be sure to have sex then if you haven't tried that already.
=] Evy
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One of my friends that likes to start drama told someone that I talked about them. I didn't, but that friend talks about the other person all the time. Even though she made up a lie about me I still haven't told them what she's said because that's just me. I don't like to start crap. Anyway...what can I do to show them that I'm NOT lying and that I didn't talk about them without revealing what my two-faced friend said about them? Please help! I know it's confusing, but try to stay with me.
Thanks a lot!
Katie
You said yourself she likes to start drama, I'm sure the other people involved know that too. If they don't, point it out. Make random statements about her always causing drama or something to that effect. If they know how she is, just let it go. That's better then worrying and possibly making it worse. Drama's always gonna be there, especially when girls are involved. Stay away from the girl for a few days and let things settle back down. Then act like you know nothing about it and nothing happened. Most likely, if you don't make it a big deal, she won't either because it's not much fun to get no reaction.
=] Evy
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I changed my gauges gradually, going up a step each time so i dont tear or anything...i was just wondering if it was bad that i'm only waiting about a week to change the gauges to the next level. i just changed from a 12 to a 10 gauge. also, i've heard of "blowouts" with gauging your ears...and i may be wrong but when i changed my gauges a little bit of skin or tissue or whatever was pushed by the 10 gauge....is that concidered a blowout? it doesnt seem to be a problem right NOW...but then again i just did it. i cleaned both ears with bactine right after.
if you have any other tips, please feel free to tell me...i really want to gauge my ears the right way and i could use help from people who acually KNOW what they're doing.
aim: blow up bad guys
thanks!
"Typically you should wait no less than a month between stretches.You may cause blow outs or not be able to stretch in the future. Listen to your body though. Also, try massaging your lobes with small amounts of coco butter lotion or vitamin E, the massaging will entice blood flow and the lotion will allow for a more flexible lobe. Salt water soaks (8 ounces of very warm water with a half tablespoon of SEA Salt, *not table salt*) for 10-15 minutes a day will remove impurities such as dirt, lotion, soap, and other build up that makes your ear look unhealthy." - From a professional on BME
=] Evy
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I didn't know exactly where to go to ask my question, but i found this site. I've been having cramping/bleeding/small blood clots and I'm pregnant. I was at the hospital the other night and they said that either I'm having a misscarriage or it's too early to see my baby on ultersound because they saw nothing. I'm suppose to be going back to get more blood taken from me to check my pregnancy level, see if it doubles or not but, I've been reading on other internet sites that sometimes bleeding/cramping doesn't mean misscarriage. I just really want to know if it could be something else, and how is it to early to see my baby? I mean how early could I be?
http://www.pregnancyloss.info/possible_signs.htm
=] Evy
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Ok, so I've seen some profiles on myspace, and in their "music" section they have pictures of their favorite bands.. how can I do that? Is there some code, or a layout I can find? Thanks in advance!
Upload your pic on tinypic.com
[it' free and you don't have to have an account.]
Then get the URL and copy and paste it where you want the picture to go!
=] Evy
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I found an absolutely disgusting website, www.truechristian.com. Among other things, it says that women are unclean and should be shut away during their period, that if a girl is raped it is her fault for not screaming loud enough but she can be saved if she marries her rapist. It also says the n word several times. I have nothing against christians but this website is horrifying, in fact I'm sure real christians would agree with me. How do I get this website shut down or deleted? I mean, even the kids page is awful: http://truechristian.com/kidzlot1.html I can't find the name of the host anywhere, so I don't know who to contact.
Sorry but that website isn't real. That's what people with no lives do all day. & they're probably getting paid for it.
The owner probably responded the way they did, as to make you believe it's real. I mean if you made something like that, would you tell people it isn't? No.
And I'm 99% positve a pastor would NOT have wrote something so degrading about christians even if they weren't one. Read the FAQ's. None of them even make sense, it's sarcastic and mocking.
You'd probably have a better chance at just moving on and not worrying about it, then actually shutting it down. Anyone who actually believes it's real isn't very wise anyways.
=] Evy
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Okay well all us girls know how hard it is to get over a boy after he dumps us or just says he doesnt like us anymore, especially when it was super unexpected. so my questions are...
how do you get over them? besides getting another one. cause I can't get another one.
and
Do you boys feel the same way? like if we ever did that to you? do you feel like crap for days on end? do you guys like obsess over it as we do?
Do you ever even miss us? or do you just move on right away cause you just thought we were attractive?
Thats people!
Well, it's normal to dwell over breaking up with someone. It's not easy to just forget everything special you had with that person, but if you have to, then you have to. Even if it takes time, which more than likely it will.
But just think about it like this, why wanna be with someone who doesn't wanna be with you?
Even though it maybe hard at the time, you'll realize it was for the best at that time.
Take married people for instance. If they wouldn't have gone through all their high school boyfriends and girlfriends, they wouldn't have had the chance to find each other and love them. [unless they were together the whole time]
=] Evy
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do hit that and tap that mean the same thing (have sex with..)??
Yep
=]
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My friend finished moving from her moms house to her dad's house. She is now going to a different school. The thing is, she didnt tell me or say goodbye to me or anything! I had no idea until today when some people were talking about it (and i called her to confirm it.) I'm afraid we'll hardly get to see each other now. Help!
-Mahttie The Hatter
That happens sometimes..people grow apart. Do you know why she didn't tell you? Maybe she didn't want to hurt you, or she thought that telling you would only make it harder. She probably didn't WANT to have to say goodbye. Whenever you have time, call her and talk to her. Write her, take a day or two of the weekend and go visit her, and let her stay with you sometimes. Even if you can't see each other, atleast you have the phone. Honestly there isn't anything I can do besides tell you those things. Maybe she'll still be going back to her moms on the weekends and you can see her then.. Talk to her about it and plan it all out. It'll work out fine, the best thing to do is talk to her and let her know you miss her and you're thinking about her n stuff & hope for the best!
Good luck!
=] Evy
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My friend just recently got a new boyfriend. She spends so much time with him. We used to be really close and go to each others houses about 3 times a week, but now the only time I get to see her is at school. I thinks its okay for her to spend time with him (heck, I'd think it was weird if she didn't) but this is getting out of hand. I tried talking to her about it, but so far she has done anything...It gets annoying, and it makes me sad we dont see each other anymore. Boo hoo!
Give her some time, it's kinda like getting a new puppy. She loves it right now, but in a few weeks it's the same thing, and it kinda gets boring. It's good that she's spending so much time with him now, that way if they're together for a while, they won't ALWAYS have to be with each other once their relationship grows. Right now they're getting to knowing each other and getting used to each other, so it's a new fun expierience. If you've talked to her about it, honestly there's not much to do besides give it time and wait it out. I've had this problem alot with a few of my girls and I've been guilty of it once or twice. In a way you kinda feel jealous, and left out, I know it sucks. But you guys are friends and it'll work out. Try planning a day on the weekend or a day after school where you two can get together without her boyfriend. Have a girls day, and maybe it'll bring her closer to you. Remind her that friends are forever but boys really do come and go!
Good luck!
=] Evy
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What is that mushy brown stuff that comes out of you before it's even close to your period. It just feels really weird and it's not even time for your period. Thank you !
That stuff is discharge.. it's normal. It's just your body's way of getting ready for your period. You may have it afterwards too. That's why they made pantyliners!
=] Evy
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Hello,
My name is Frank./ I was with my exgirlfriend for 4 and a half years. We lived together ofr 3 of those years. We were both young and I understand that she has to live her life and experience life but I miss and I am so in love with her it hurts.he left me a few days after getting a house together. I went through the normal things, anger, despair and everything. My question is, am I a fool for still having hope and believing in what we had after a year of nopt speaking or anything? My family tells me to move on but how can I move on when I am in love and believe in her so much? I just want a second chance to make it right with her
To me it sounds perfectly normal. I mean, you were with the girl for 4 years, it's not like you can just forget everything you two had together. It's gonna take time. Have you tried talking it over with her, and find out why she left you? If you haven't, that could be a start. Knowing how she feels and why might help you feel at ease a little, even though it may and probably will hurt at first. Then hopefully it'll settle things between you two, and if you aren't already you can be friends again. You never know, maybe you guys will be together again in the future. Whatever you do just don't rush into the situation. You don't want her to feel like she has to or anything.
But if it's not possible of getting back together, as I said before it'll take time. I've broken up with guys and it's hurt pretty bad, I think it took me about a month to get over this one guy. When I finally did, I realized how much time I spent dwelling on the situation when I could've been fixing it or making things better with myself.
Anyways good luck! If you need anything else you know where to find me!
=] Evy
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at what age do you have to get that checkup the gyno one? and im young and i am not a virgin. And i dont want the doctor to know that. But just what age?
Alot of girls start going when they're around 16-18. It's up to you though, just don't wait forever. And don't worry about the doctor knowing about it, it's not their place to tell anyone.
=] Evy
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I am 16 years old and got my driver's permit a few months ago. I really do try to be a good driver- I don't use my cell phone, I focus on the road, heck, I don't even turn on the radio! But it's hopeless- no matter how hard I try, I am a TERRIBLE driver, a threat to myself and others on the road. You see, I'm a pretty good student, I mostly get A's- but I'm a very slow thinker. I'm always the last one to hand in my test; I think about all my decisions carefully and thoroughly. The main problem is that I can't think at 55 mph (heck, even 30 mph!) and it's ESPECIALLY hard to focus with my dad, whom you'll read about below.
My dad takes me to practice every week. However, while I am admittedly a bad driver to begin with, his lessons really aren't helpful at all. I know parents are supposed to give constructive criticism while driving- that's expected. However, he critiques EVERY SINGLE MOVE I MAKE-and that's no exaggeration at all, I swear- every time I press the gas pedal, tap the brake, or move the steering wheel, he criticizes me. Not nicely, either. This makes me extremely tense throughout the whole nightmare of a lesson, and it's very difficult for me to focus on his yelling and the road at the same time.
A typical excerpt from our lessons:
(Red light at an intersection, in the right-turn lane)
Dad (rushed, aggrevated tone): You can make a right on red, go!
Me: (turns, doesn't notice other car going straight)
Dad: STOP!!
Me: (slams on brake)
Dad: *(&#@^%!
Now, I freely admit that it was my fault for not seeing the other car, but as you can see it was rather difficult to focus and our lessons really aren't very productive at all. I HATE driving and sometimes after our lessons I just go to my room and cry. Driving is terrifying, and at this rate I'll never get my license. Heck, I don't even WANT a license at the moment- I'm sure I'll die in a crash.
The problem is, my dad is the only available teacher- I don't know anyone else nearby who has their license and is over 21 who could help me drive. However, my dad is the big, scary, "don't-mess-with-me" type, and if I told him to calm down and not criticize me as much, this would surely be seen as 'talking back' and he would have a FIT.
I know the old saying- "practice makes perfect". This makes sense when playing an instrument, learning to tie your shoes, or just about anything else. However, with driving, you basically risk your life every time you practice! That's a huge difference!
I wish I could just give up on driving and rely on public transportation the rest of my life, but when I grow up I want to be independent and go where I want, when I want. Any tips on being a better driver and not letting my dad's yelling break my focus? Thanks!
PS: Sorry for such a long letter, I just wanted to explain the situation as thoroughly as possible for the best advice. Thanks again.
Honestly, you recently got your permit, it's expected for you not to be the best driver. And it's ok not to be!
Don't think about how bad you are, just think about how much better you can be if you keep doing it, and sooner or later you won't need your dad there anymore!
At times it will be tough no matter what you do because you're there and he's there, no gettin out of it. But just remember he's only trying to help you and everyone gets a little frustrated at times.
Good luck!
=] Evy
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I got my first real tatto about a month ago. Now, the artist never gave me a real talking to about it. He just said rub ointment on it for the first 2 days, then, keep putting lotion on it. Well, to make a long story short, it scabbed over & it looked horrible! I know this sounds stupid, but, I didn't think it would look normal, so, I did pick at it a little & now I lost some of the color. What can I do now? Is the only way to make it better is to go back to the artist & have a retouch. If so, will he have to do it all over again? Thanks.
You aren't supposed to touch the scab at all, unless of course you're putting medicine on it or something.
If you go back they'll most likely just do a touch up and only have to go over the parts that need it. [unless it's the whole thing you picked at, then it shouldn't be all of it].
Tell them what happened though, and they can tell you any more info about how to keep it taken care of and help it heal.
=] Evy
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i've never had sex... so i don't know why i'm freaking out. but i'm fifteen and terrified that some random sperm may have seeped into me or something, though that's not very likely, i'm just PARANOID. plus, i had a cold, and now my body aches and im freezing, but i think i just have a virus. i'm just scared because i didn't get my period this month. and as nasty as it sounds, i'm sure my brother is having sex with his girlfriend, and i masturbate with my hands, so. terrified. i've been having my period for a little over two years, and it's not really regular. i miss a month sometimes, or for instance it will come on the 22nd of june, skip a month, come on the 5th of july, come the 19th of august. who knows. but i'm totally freaking out. sorry, sorry, sorry for seeming so immature. but mostly i need reassurance that this isn't possible... i haven't been throwing up or anything. just. ugh. help?
If you haven't had sex, you aren't pregnant. There's no possible way.
Stress can make your period irregular too. So if it's already irregular, you're probably adding on to it.
Logically if the penis does nottt enter the vagina you can NOT get pregnant! So stop worrying about it, you're fine!
=] Evy
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