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Q: I've heard that sax players are bad kissers (and trumpet players are good kissers). I can understand the trumpet player thing, but what does playing a saxophone have to do with anything? Can anybody prove me wrong (with experience or examples or something)?

FALSE!
One of the guys I dated was a sax player, and he was an AMAZING KISSER.
The only thing an instrument will have to do with your kissing skills is like...depending on what you play, some part of your mouth gets worked more. Like, wind players do a lot of doubletonguing, so we're good with our tongues...^^...Or so I've heard *halo*
Lol
That's definitely not true, though, about sax players.
-Siren =)

Q: hows this for a break up letter??

Hey Tyler,

Okay, this is really hard for me but like I like you and stuff but I just feel we should just be friends. There are a few reasons; my parents just randomly decided I can't go out with anyone. It also kind of changed how we acted around each other and it was awkward (for me at least). And I hate awkwardness; and to me, you were being a little too clingy but that's not a bad thing to all people...it’s just something that's just not my type. But that is just my opinion, and it might just be different for me because past boyfriends I have had didn’t really hang around me that much because they weren’t in the same classes as me. I also feel like I don’t really know you well enough to go out with you, you know? I really don't mean to be mean but really, I just see you more as a friend and we had a lot more fun then too. I don’t know if this meant anything either but I saw you hugging another girl in the hall but again, I don’t know if you guys were just friends or what. I know these might just sound like lame excuses but I just really don’t want a boyfriend right now so it isn’t really you as much as it is me. I’m sorry. I hope we can just be friends?

~~Jenna

Honey, as hard as breaking up is, you would be better off like, memorizing this and saying it to his face.
Breaking up over IM, e-mail, or letter is really not classy.
However, if you have a real reason for sending him a letter, like your parents won't let you see him to give it to him, or he's somewhere far away, then by all means, use the letter.
Otherwise, seriously...have the nerve to say "it's over" to his face.
Also, in reference to the actual letter, you use "to me" a lot, and you used two classic cliches - "it's not you, it's me" and "let's just be friends." Both are understandable, but he's not gonna believe that it's you and not him. No one would, and no one wants to hear that.
If the reason for breaking up is that you really just don't want a boyfriend, as you say, leave out all the crap about your "parents just randomly decid[ing] that [you] can't go out with anyone", and about how he was being clingy.
Just be straight up with him, and say something like "Tyler, this isn't working for me. I just really don't want a boyfriend right now." If you must, add "it's nothing you did or said, and nothing against you. I hope we can still be friends."
Short, sweet, and to the point. If he asks questions like "why?" answer him honestly, as hard as it might be.
I can guarantee he doesn't want to hear all those excuses in that letter up there. Be straight up, tell him the real reason for the breakup. The longer the letter or conversation is, the more painful it'll be for him. Think about that.
Good luck
-Siren =)

Q: I'm currently in a relationship. And i think i'm in love... But how can i tell? What the signs that a girl's in love?

Okay, this is just my opinion, but...
There really aren't like...signs. Real love stems from a deep connection between two people. It's not so much a physical thing, but something that's always there in the back of your mind. Love doesn't fade, it doesn't go away when there are fights.
No matter what's said and done between the two of you, you still love each other.
Love makes you feel like you're losing control of your emotions, but if you can let go it's the best feeling in the world.
Love is not a fleeting thing. It's a long lasting connection between two people that everyone searches for and tries to find too fast. When it happens, you know.
When you feel emotions you didn't know you were capable of, when you can't describe your feelings in words, when you feel overwhelmed by it all, you definitely notice it...you feel like you'll never feel this way about anyone else, and can't imagine being with anyone else.
It's incredible.
But there really aren't visible signs...I think it's all internal/emotional, and the only person who can tell you you're in love is you.
-Siren =)

Q: This is quite long, sorry.

Ever since I was young, I've had what I suppose are 'bad' dreams. I've never really considered them bad, beacuse I've had them all my life. They generally involve running to things and running from things that want to hurt me. Some of the more vivid dreams have included me being beaten up, shot and almost raped [none of which, despite the pain, I've woken from like you see in the movies]. Most of these I don't really recall and I do know that the vividness and frequency is directly related to stress. However I found out today that I still have these sorts of dreams at least once a week, even though as far as I'm concerned I haven't been. And apparently they must be the vivid sort, since apparently I talk and cry in my sleep.
I've been informed by my partner and a good freind of ours that this really isn't normal and that I need to see a shrink. Isn't it and do I?

But that's not all. Again, since I was very young [since I was a baby too, apparently] I've always had trouble getting to sleep. It takes me a good 3 hours to get to sleep, some times longer if I'm stressed. I've tried all the tricks in the book, but the only reliable thing that will be knock me out almost straight away is a glass of wine followed by a painkiller [yeah I know - you can lecture me about how non-existant my liver is later]. Even when I was at school and was reliably going to bed at 10 and waking at 8, this was still the case. Again, I thought this was normal considering it's been happening my whole life, but again I'm infomed it's very not normal. Is this true?

Two more things, possibly related. My eyes don't shut completly when I close them. This sounds really freaky I know, and I know that it's true when I'm awake beacuse I can see out of the slits, but I'm told it happens when I'm asleep as well. I'm highly sure that this isn't normal... but it may relate to this: I'm never really awake. I often feel really groggy during the day despite getting a 'good' night's sleep. Dark thinks that not only might this be related to the dreams, but also to the fact my eyes don't shut, but I don't know. I wouldn't say that I feel groggy all the time, but a large percentage of it. The few times I've woken up feeling really energetic and awake where when I did the last NaNoWriMo and went to sleep on a tonne of caffene and when I had wine and then took a painkiller. So, is that normal too?

So, for those that couldn't be bothered to read the thing:
How normal is it to:
Have a high frequency of very vivid bad dreams? [What sort of frequency is normal for those sorts of dreams anyway?]
Not be able to sleep several hours after turning out the lights to sleep? [Is this what insomnia is? I thought it was only if you couldn't sleep ever]
Not wake feeling rested and refreshed, despite how you thought you had a good night sleep?

I don't want advice on how to get to sleep, I just want to know if I'm some sort of freak who should see a doctor and a shrink like my partner is trying to get me to. Hell, any discusion would probably be useful....

You actually sound quite a bit like me. I would find a sleep doctor in your area and get a sleep workup done. Like, sleep in a lab and whatnot and see if the doctor can't figure out what's wrong.
For instance, I have 3-4 nightmares a week, and if I don't have nightmares, I don't have REM sleep. Adults are supposed to have something like 1 nightmare every few weeks. Not to mention I can't stay asleep for more than four hours, but that's me.
So you're correct in thinking that these things aren't quite normal, but you're not a freak. Get yourself checked out. A sleep doctor would be more useful than a shrink. A shrink might be able to help figure out what's kind of dwelling in the back of your mind, but you could do that yourself through freewriting, which I strongly suggest.
But in any case, find a sleep doctor, get checked out. You're not a freak, you just have sleep problems. My sympathies, those suck.
Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: i really want to get a shampoo that straightens your hair. i don't have really wavy or curly hair, but its kinda wavy.idk it just annoys me. my cousin said something about a new garnier frutisse? (sp?) or i was thinking the purple sunsilk. idk. so could anyone tell me which one works better, and if there was any more good ones?
thanks xo

Neither Garnier Fructisse or Herbal Essences will work. Trust me, I'm in the same boat as you are. Both just made my hair kinda frizzy...lol
Pantene Pro-V sleek 'n' smooth, or whatever it is, does work, but it doesn't smell as good as the other two.
Good luck.
-Siren =)

Q: does anybody have an excersize plan that could take at LEAST 2 hours a day?

like im looking for 10 excersizes maybe? and time possibly.
(ex. crunches for 5 minutes, lunges for 15, crunches for 10 minutes, lol i dunno)

If you have a gym handy, my exercise plan will work.
1 hour of cardio
* What I do is I run for 15 minutes, then speedwalk for 5, then run for 5, and keep alternating until I've gotten about a half hour each of speedwalking and running. It's easier to time yourself and pace yourself on a treadmill.
*You could also run for 15, walk for 15 (total), and then bike for half an hour or so. I suggest you bring a book. It makes the biking go faster.

30-45 minutes of weights (arms, legs, free weights, machines, whatever) Aim for more reps with less weight (like 6 pound weights or something, depending on how much your body's used to exercise.) Take small breaks in between repetitions.

30 minutes of ab work. Pick like, three ab excercises (or machines if you're in a gym) and take your time getting to a hundred of each.
(ex - 100 crunches, 100 rowers, 100 reps on the captain's chair...etc). Aim for three that work your upper abs, lower abs, and sides.
It's a really good workout, it takes anywhere from 2 to 2 and a half hours, and you really do see results.
-Siren =)

Q: I got my first period yesterday and when i look in my underwear they were all ruined because of the blood. So I was wondering what am I supposed to do every month on the day when the period starts and I look in my underwear and they are alll ruined or they leaked to my pants to make sure I can be ready for it without wearing a pad 24/7?

Easy solutions:
As for the ruined underwear, soak it in cold water, use stain remover, and you should be fine. make sure you wash them in a machine, too.
Every 28 days from yesterday on, mark it on your calendar, and put a pantiliner on during the 27th day. Your periods probably won't be regulated during the first few years, but you CAN guess when it's about to come.
Watch your moods, and your physical feeling (bloated?), and your cravings. I always craved sweets about a week before my period. If you feel like crying and you can't figure out why, it's probably PMS. Start wearing a pantiliner.
Until your periods get regulated of course. Then you don't have to do that so much anymore.
-Siren =)

Q: 14/f...i've been trying to eat less calories and stay thin. a daily eating pattern is this

breakfast -- a vanilla crisp Special K bar
lunch -- one red apple and one chewy bar
dinner -- whatever my dad makes (it varies everyday from hot dogs to pasta)

but all of the sudden my dad has been trying to get me to eat more food. he is always thinking that if i eat too little then i'm going to become anorexic. whenever my dad cooks he makes me eat more then i want to eat to stay thin. what can i do? and today him and my mom started saying that they don't like how i eat a special K bar for brerakfast. they want me to eat something more suitable for breakfast like cereal..but that would put more calories into my diet and make me gain weight.

FYI, eating under 1000 calories sends your body into starvation mode, and it will store fat and you will eventually gain weight.
If you want to lose weight, eat healthily and aim for a little over 1000 calories a day, or exactly on it.
If you want to maintain weight, balance your meals. Don't eat a ton of sugar, don't eat a ton of carbs, eat fruits and veggies, and protein. Make sure you get protein (meat, cheese, eggs, etc)
Think about this: 1 pound = 3500 calories.
Worry less about calories and more about carbs and sugar, especialyl if you're not a very active person. Carbs are the hardest things to burn off. Aim for things under 20 carbs. Stay away from white bread - whole grain anything is considerably better.
If you do all that, you should be fine.
-Siren =)

Q: Ok I'm a 14/f. I'm getting ready to go to high school with my boyfriend. I'm a cheerleader and hes a football player. Well, at my school cheerleaders and football players aren't allowed to date! What should I do?

Okay, first of all it's none of the faculty's business who's dating who. I don't think they can legally enforce that. Personally I think it's bullshit.
Don't announce it to them. If they figure it out and give you a hard time about it, either tell them you're just close friends, or tell them to get their nose out of your business.
Just don't do public displays of affection, hide the relationship from the faculty, and you should be fine.
There's no reason to give up anything in this situation. You shouldn't have to give up cheerleading to be with him, he shouldn't have to give up football to be with you, and neither of you should have to give up the relationship just to stay with the sports you love.
It's ridiculous.
Take my advice - just don't tell the faculty.
-Siren =)

Q: alright, I heard somewhere, that if you sleep in a tampon, then you can get an infection or a disease or something.

1. myth or fact?
2. If a fact, what is the infection?
3. what is the infection caused by?
4. how serious is the infection?

alright, thank you all so much!

Myth.
I sleep in tampons all the time - but I never get more than 9 hours of sleep anyway, and you're supposed to be able to leave them in for about 8 or 9 hours.
The infection I believe you're thinking about is TSS - Toxic Shock Syndrome, and it's characterized by fevers, vomiting, and other icky symptoms. Lol. It's pretty serious. Also, it's not just sleeping in tampons that can cause it, it's leaving them in for more than 8 or 9 hours. (Though I've done that a couple of times and I'm still fine)
BUT.
I read somewhere that TSS was caused by a certain brand of tampons with some sort of gel in them, and now they put it on all the tampons just as a warning. I'm not sure how accurate that is, but I've never had a problem. Anyway, bacteria can grow in any warm, moist place - not to make you paranoid, but it can.
Just time yourself for 8 hours or so and you'll be safe.
-Siren =)

Q: I have always wondered if you burn calories when you talk, sing or laugh. I know this is a weird question!

Okay, to all of you who said singing doesn't burn calories, try actually singing. Yes, it burns calories. Not like, hundres of them, but basically, being alive burns calories. Walking, talking, laughing, singing. Any physical activity. Even sleeping burns calories.
So the answer to your question is "yes, but not a significant amount."

Q: which movie will make me cry more the movie Click or the moview The lake house?
thanxx

Both are good. Lake house will probably make you cry more. Click is good and funny, though there are a bit of tearjerker moments at the end(ish). It's hard for me to say, since I'm not really a crier, but both had me choked up at points.
-Siren =)

Q: my friends son who is 32 has been seeing a girl for the last three months she now finds she is pregnant but wants an abortion the son dose not agree with this why do you think she dose not want to keep this baby and do you think she is right.

I think her body is her body. If she's not ready to have a baby, then she doesn't have to - or shouldn't have to. Also, three months is not that long a period of time. Are they seeing each other, or married?
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but it could be that she doesn't want to have a child out of wedlock.
There are a number of reasons that she might not want to keep this baby.
In my opinion, I do think she is right to want an abortion, based on my assumption that they are indeed not married, and have only been seeing each other for three months.
I admit, I'm also a little biased given the fact that I never want to have children and if I were to wind up pregnant, I would have an abortion.
However - you need to consider what could be going through her head. She's probably wondering how long he's going to stay with her and doesn't want to end up a single mother. That's not fun for anybody. Three months, again, is not that long.
So in response to your questions, I think the length of time of the relationship is a HUGE factor in her want to have an abortion, and yes, I do think she is right.
But remember, it's only my opinion. Hers is the one that really matters: It's her body and her baby. Your son needs to think this through more carefully if he doesn't agree with her, and he needs to respect her wishes in this.
Good luck
-Siren =)

Q: my lips are swollen from being so chapped.. i try chap stick and it doesnt seem to make it better. what can i do?

Invest in Marylin Miglin tissue cream. It tastes like crap but it works wonders. Put on a medium-thickness layer before you go to bed and I guarantee your lips will be considerably better by morning. I think you can order it on line.
My lips are awful too, if I don't use that stuff. It's amazing.
Good luck
-Siren =)

Q: Ok so i want to become a singer..singing is my passion. and i've developed new passions for modeling and acting as well..but i dont know the first thing about breaking into the industry. I want to move to NYC after i graduate highschool (most likely in Manhattan..Midtown/Upper West Side) i thought about going to college but i'm not so sure thats the right move. i've even looked at colleges (such as Juilliard) and while Juilliard is nice...they dont offer a course or "major" for singing. The music department is like playing instruments and thats not at all what I want. Does anyone know of any good colleges in NYC? I've never been so i dont know anything about it. and also could someone tell me if college is the right move for what i want to do?

In NY, Manhattan school of music (I think) is pretty much the best there is out there, but I really honestly wouldn't reccomend it for undergrad. Tuition is like 40,000 a year, among other reasons not to go there first off. It's also very competitive, and I don't know if you want to dive headfirst into that. I'd kind of stick your toe in and go to a smaller college first. It doesn't even have to be a conservatory or school of music. Regular universities are good for voice too, sometimes. You've gotta do some checking around, though.
Oakland University in Rochester Hills MI, (which is where I am now), has a very good performance program.
This is all if you want to go into classical music, by the way.
I'm a vocal performance major and my teacher is amazing.
Also, yeah, definitely don't go to Juilliard. They have nothing for voice. They're great for instrumental and dance, but otherwise...not what you want.
Go somewhere with a good teacher to get you started, then go to grad school somewhere else.
You might want to meet with some sort of college advisor and get another opinion.
Good luck
-Siren =)

Q: Hello well im (girl 13) and i like this guy he's 18 (age diference lol )i really really like him and i know he likes me. we've had dates before i've known him for 2 months, he has'nt kissed me yet and he try's too get close and puts his arm around me smiles alot and we just stare at eachothers eyes and smile and stuff but never a kiss I WANT A KISS!!! but im too shy 2 kiss him and he told my friend he wanted to kiss me should kiss him? help me please!!!

A lot of guys like it when girls can take the initiative. Too many girls are too shy when it comes to that. Confidence is a turn on. If you know he wants to kiss you, and you want to kiss him, next time he puts his arm around you, kiss his cheek or something, and hopefully he'll get the hint, turn his head, and kiss you. Otherwise, take your hand and kind of guide his face to yours. Physical hints work. Sometimes being straight up about it works, too. Same thing, next time he does that, look up and him and go "kiss me."
As for the age difference, watch that he doesn't try anything you're not ready for. 13 year olds and 18 year olds have different things in mind. Trust me, I made the age difference classic mistake - I was too young, the guy wanted sex, I wasn't ready, so he dumped me.
Just a little warning (though I'm sure you've heard it before.)
Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: Ok so me and my bf have sex like everytime we are together. Its not that I dont like it or anything like that but I would like to ave a great day with him with having to have sex. Is there something wrong with that? And how can I tell him this without making him feel bad?

Just tell him what you just told us -
"It's not that I don't like it or anything, I just want to have a great day with you without having sex."
Or, just say you'd like to focus on the emotional part of your relationship rather than the physical part of it for a day, and just make it romantic.
Honesty is the best policy, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to lay off the sex for a day or two.
Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: My boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 wonderful months. he is the best, and i cant even describe him. though the other day, he talked to me about engagement, which i am quite excited for. though me and him would have to keep it on the downlow for i am going to be 16 and he will be 18. he isnt going to ask for awhile yet(falltime or beyond that time, hes thinking), he just brought it up because he wanted to see how i felt about it. i actually feel wonderful about it and i feel very ready. i love this man with all my heart and have never felt this way about someone before. i dont have much of a family, but him and his family makes up for it. im not reallt needing advice, cause i know id say yes in a heartbeat, but am i crazy for being excited at 16 y/o and i know it will be easy to hide from my parents because i hide everything from them, but is this a ridculous decision?!? thanks alot

Wow, wow, wow...deja vu.
I was 16 and my (now ex) boyfriend was 18 when he proposed to me on our 9-month mark.
You're not crazy for being excited at 16, nor is this a ridiculous decision.
Lemme tell you what happened to me, but keep in mind that we're different people and this is a different situation - yours may very well work out =)
Anyway...my boyfriend proposed on our 9 month mark. He gave me a ring a year later, then we split up for college. While I was in college, I met someone else, and all of a sudden all of my ex's flaws really stood out to me and started driving me crazy. I started comparing him mentally to this new guy, and all of a sudden, I was falling for the other guy. As hard as it was, I realized what I wanted and I broke up with my ex. College and distance can really kill a relationship. I needed to be touched and feel loved. The guy I broke up with never called me or anything, and he was in Florida. We were really close, and seriously engaged, but it didn't work. I'm in a better relationship now.
Anyway, the whole point of that is mostly a warning - know that it may not work out, but if it does, you are one of the few, and to be congratulated.
I hope everything works out for you two.
Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: Do guys like it better if you wear lipgloss when you kiss/makeout with them? I"ll rate i promise!!

To everyone who answered this question and the person who asked it, guys LOVE Bonnebell/lip smackers lipglosses - the F'lip Juices are mostly flavor, and they soak into your lips really fast. I've had more than one guy actually ask me to put it on before he kissed me.
Just make sure your lipgloss has a good flavor, isn't too sticky, or waxy.
Also, when you buy lipgloss, tilt it and watch for bubbles. If you can see them move, then it's not sticky, and will probably soak into your lips fast, like the lip rush lipglosses or f'lip juices.
Don't go for color. Go for flavor and lack of texture. The bonnebell lipglosses are good enough so they actually work on your lips, and they're yummy. =D If you use the right gloss, you don't need added texture. Your lips will be soft and kissable enough.
Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: i really like this guy ...but he is popular and i am not. So i dont know what to do. Because i dont think that he likes me. I hardly talk to him, because he is popular and i am not . so i am not part of thier group...what should i do---can u pleeeeease help me----i am 13 yrs old

Well, I personally believe that there are no "leagues" or whatever (Like, "he's out of my league"). If you like him, talk to him. Position yourself in the hall sometime so you're walking with him, or near him, and strike up a conversation. Talk to him about the weather, how crowded the halls are - if he's carrying books, ask him how those classes are going, or whatever.
Use things to talk to him.
You don't have to be part of their group. BUT you do have to be confident. Confidence is sexy. Know you're cute and use it.
What should you do?
You should talk to him more and be more confident.
Good luck!
-Siren =)

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren