Usually when you are shy and nervous, it means you are out of your comfort zone. I know that you don't want to be told that you are uncomfortable around these people, but if you are shy, then you are not comfortable around the people you are with.

You were doing the right thing by putting yourself out there and trying to interact hyper and talkative, but even if you feel stupid or even more shy, just keep going and have fun. Try being hyper with one person first and then once you get yourselves started just be the life of the party. Everyone who is shy and tries to talk will feel discomfort because it's not something they are used to. So when you start feeling shy, jump into the conversation even if you feel like you shouldn't say anything. So I think you are doing exactly what you've been trying to do, remember that it takes time and work.

-TheTeenGirl

Any guys your age won't know all the answers for treating a girl right, he just needs to jump over his fear of messing up and get in a relationship because that's basically how you learn how to treat a girl.

However, you can't force him into being in a relationship with you. But you can let him know that you don't know a lot about being with a guy either and that it's something you both could learn together because it's true. You don't know a whole lot about love or sex at 15 and it's suppose to be that way. When you get with someone and break up and start over, you learn more about love and the opposite sex.

What I'm saying is that his fears are normal, but you have to wait until he overcomes this fear because he is the only one who can bring himself to overcoming his fears.

-TheTeenGirl

I'm really sorry that your parents can't seem to work things out, but none of this has anything to do with you. It's not your fault that this is all happening and that your dad got caught talking to this woman again.

The reality is that your parent's fights are not yours and this is something that they have to work through. There is nothing that you can say or do that will make your parents get along again. I know that you are very concerned for what's going on between them, but you've got to stop snooping around in their lives. If your parents ever try to make you login to their E-mail account or anything that has to do with their problems, then you just need to say, "Mom/dad, I really don't feel comfortable with seeing what's going on between you and mom/dad because I'm worried" or something along those lines.

That may even work right now if you were to talk to your mom about how worried you are about what's going on right now. Try talking to one of them about your concern.

You can't make your dad stop talking to this woman and that's the unfortunate truth. Again, this is your parent's problem to deal with, not you.

-TheTeenGirl

I think that you should stay out of your friend and her mother's relationship and not talk to her mother at all.

Your friend sounds like she's getting herself into something serious, but her mom needs to deal with that, not you. Her mom needs to step in and stop her internet behavior, this is not your responsibility. You cannot be expected to rat out your friend and save her. The way I see it, you need to just tell her mom that you really don't want any part in this problem between them and that she needs to confront her daughter with their issues, not talking through you.

Besides, there isn't anything you can tell her that would make things better. She is her mother and if she suspects a certain bad behavior, it is her job to step in and see if it's true.


-TheTeenGirl

I'm really glad to hear that you are moving out from your dad's behavior. Especially the fact that it also makes you happy.

Nobody will ever be able to tell you to just deal with it and suck it up. That's not really option when you are only a teenager feeling responsible for her mother and sister.

Just because you won't be living with your dad, it doesn't mean that you aren't any longer a family. You still have your mom and sister to work things out with and not the disruption of your dad's yelling and abuse toward your mom.

My suggestion would be to consider counseling just between you, your mom and your sister instead of your dad. I think that you'll have a positive experience this time around instead of being in a war between your parents. That way you all can deal with each other as a family. For helping your mom, just remind her of taking her medication or anything else that can help her depression. For your sister, I'm not too sure of what she needs, but just be her sister. If she's having a hard time with school, ask her if you can help her study or give her some advice on boys if she's younger.

I think that if you did do some more counseling, your counselor can help you and your sister find ways of dealing with your mom's illness. What you have to know is that things will only get better from here on out as soon as you move. Everything will honestly be alright for you and your family, and you just have to do your best at bonding and staying close with them.

-TheTeenGirl

This question is so extreme it's making me wonder if it actually is a serious question.

What exactly are you thinking for trying to get back with a guy who broke up with you because you got depressed over a recent death?

Seriously, you don't break up with someone who just had someone close to them die, not get scared and back off as if you can't handle it. It's nothing but insanity to act the way he did about it. So then he calls you back acting like he regrets breaking up with you, so then when you suggest trying again he just says he can't just get back with you again. Ok, why not? He honestly sounds like he's fooling with your feelings at this point.

Now, I understand that you feel lonely and vulnerable because of your friend's suicide, but getting back with a guy who treated you wrong will not fix those feelings. Don't settle for this guy just because you've lost someone. You can have people support you with this. Your friends, your family. But this guy couldn't even be there for you to help you cope with this, so what makes you think that he'll be there for you later on if he decides he wants you back?

-TheTeenGirl

It's normal for best friends to start growing apart. Usually you start growing apart because people begin to change. They figure out what kind of person they want to be and what type of people they want to hang out with.

I wouldn't suggest ending the friendship completly just because you are both growing apart anyway. But, I definetly think you should continue to make new friends so that you can have more best friends that are more like you. I don't doubt that you and this friend you have were close and had a lot in common at one time. But things are tending to change and you have to find new friends to keep going with life and coping with old friendships that aren't going so well anymore.

-TheTeenGirl

Yes. I think you should stop the lies and try starting a good healthy relationship with your mom instead of living your life thinking she hates everything about you.

I think that you should tell your mom that you really want to make things better between the two of you because you feel unhappy with the way things are now. If anything, don't lie to her about what happened at school or what happens anywhere else. Start asking her how her day was everyday and ask her what's been going on in her life so that she'll feel like you really care about her. You don't have to make exciting things up for your mom to make her happy with you. Tell her how much homework you have or how much you like a certain friend or teacher.

-TheTeenGirl

Well, I'm not quite understanding what you meant by asking him if he had told everyone that you both were together. Did you mean by the whole school, his family, his friends?

Anyway, his excuse for not telling a certain girl isn't really acceptable. I think that if he's lying to this girl by actually telling her that he's not with anyone, then that needs to be straightened out. Don't ever let a guy you're with get away with telling someone else that he's single.

If she's flirting with him and he's just letting it happen, that needs to be fixed too. He needs to just come clean and tell this girl that he is with someone else.

But if she's not even bothering him hardly, then I don't see a problem with it unless she happens to ask him if he's with anyone and he says no. That girl and her family are going to have to get over the fact that she will not always end up with the guy her family thinks is perfect for her. Your boyfriend has a say in who he wants to be with, and the reality is that he chose you, not her.

You tell him these feelings that you are having about him keeping this relationship from this girl. If she's continuosly flirting with him, then he needs to go on and mention his relationship with you. But, if she's not bugging him, then I think that it's ok for himnot to tell her unless she asks.

-TheTeenGirl

I think you should forget about him. He was quite dishonest with you in my opinion.

He should have known better than to dance with his ex-girlfriend who would be all over him. It's not something you even have to think about, it's common sense.

Not only did he dance with her, but he broke it off with you because you were angry and confused and went out with his ex. He didn't give you time and apologize like a proper boyfriend should have. Now, you have mentioned that you've just started to get over him, and I think it needs to stay that way because doesn't that say a lot about a guy when he lets some girl all over him and then dates her? He treated you wrong and I think that he could have had a chance if he would have tried to stay with you while you were feeling upset about this ex-girlfriend.

-TheTeenGirl

EDIT: I know that your mom is dealing with depression, but so are you. Don't you matter too? If you were a mother with depression and your daughter was hiding her feelings, would you want her to come to you for help, or would you rather her not tell you because you are too depressed? Your mom may be dealing with a lot in her life, but you are her daughter, a top priority. And being in counseling doesn't mean that you are happy all of the time. Falling apart and crying is ok in counseling. It's ok to fall down, if you keep everything bottled up, then it wouldn't be right or helping you at all. You can't have these high expectations for yourself. It's being selfish to yourself by letting you drag acrossed concrete. It's not right, you are looking for a solution that doesn't exist other than reaching out, but you won't seem to take that. So when you decide that you are a human being that deserves love and self-respect, then maybe you should ask for adice then, but now isn't the time for you.






I think that person was right when they suggested that you reach out to someone outside of your family. I know that you explained that you don't really have that, but maybe you aren't aware of your options.

You said that you don't want to see a counselor or therapist because you didn't feel comfortable and you felt like they weren't really there to help you. It sounds to me like you only felt this way about one therapist before your dad died. So you were pretty young when you saw this therapist.

Sometimes when people see therapists, they switch if they feel like their current one isn't helping at all. And I really think that since you are much more mature and older now, that you can try one again. I really think that you should give another one a chance because I really think that it wouldn't be fair to assume that they are only in this job for the pay. They had to go to college and major in this career field, so it took a lot to get to where they are in this job. So I wouldn't think they wasted their time to get a job they aren't enjoying.

In the meantime, maybe you should try talking to your mom about what's going on with you. You are hiding your feelings and I think someone should know that you really need help to get back on your feet. When you cry alone and act like nothing is wrong, you become more miserable because you think that nobody can help. Being alone makes depression ten times worse. If you're scared that your mom is already having enough troubles with being blind and living life the way she is, don't let that stop you from telling her that you are depressed. You are her daughter and you both lost someone important in your life. You both have each other left to hold onto and stick together by coping with this together.

If you have someone in your family to talk to, do that if you need to. Anyone you know that you can trust and that can help you out of this, talk to them. If you are feeling miserable in school, don't hesistate to see the counselor. If a counselor knew this was going on in your life, they'd probably want to help you. Don't let your thought of them not wanting to help you stop them from trying. You've got to learn to give people chances and guidance even if it means forcing yourself into the situation.

The first step to getting over depression is admitting that you have a problem and asking for help. You know that you have a problem, so tell your mom that you need help. Let someone know that everything is hurting inside. If you need anymore help concerning this situation, please send me something in my inbox, I am here to help, and don't think that I'm not. I know that you have a lot to give as a person and I have a lot in me to give you as an anonymous friend.

-TheTeenGirl

You won't be able to get this guy to stop wanting to be with you. You just need to explain the truth. Tell him that you are honestly through with him and you need him to stop bothering you about it.

If he's constantly calling you, don't answer his calls, try blocking his number or something to let him know that you really do want to move on. If he's instant messaging you, block him and don't talk to him even when he tries to say that he wants to be your friend. If he's coming up to you in person at school, tell him you are sorry and walk away.

Whatever you do, shut off all contact with him so that he can't talk to you. Don't even act like you want to be his friend because things are way too intense for that. The only way for someone to move on is for them to have to access to talking to them and not talking to them in a really long time. That is how you get someone to move on. Don't toture him by letting him talk to you.

-TheTeenGirl

I think it probably would be best to ask him alone too, but you just have to ask him, "Can I talk to you for a second in private?" and he'll probably come with you alone.

It's better than to ask in front of his friends and possibly get rejected. And you are right, it probably would embarrass him.

-TheTeenGirl

Well, the truth is that your parents are suppose to monitor you and your boyfriend. It's not something stupid they are doing to make you feel uncomfortable.

I really don't know exactly what's bothering you, but try thinking about these possibilities:

-You feel bored doing the same thing every weekend

-You don't want to be at your house every weekend, you want to go to his or a friend's house to hangout instead

-You don't like your parents watching you

-You aren't really ready to have a boyfriend, so you feel pressured to do something with him or act a certain way around him because your parents ar around

Whatever these options are, try pinpointing what's making this akward for you and find a way to fix it. If you want to go to his house and see his family, ask him to arrange that instead. If you feel like hanging out with him is too much for you, then tell him that you are busy this weekend with your friend's or that you really need a weekend to yourself because that could be it. Sometimes it's just annoying to have people over every weekend and need time to think and time to yourself. You don't have to tell him that you are annoyed of him, because you probably aren't. Everyone needs room to breathe in a relationship.

-TheTeenGirl

Well, I want you to think about what caused this. You told a friend that you didn't like another friend because she is annoying and isn't considered one of your friends anyway.

Why would you tell this guy friend who was friends with this girl that information? It's not something you should even have to think about. If you tell someone that you don't like a certain person and they are friends with that certain person, then it's going to get to that certain person, no doubt about it.

You made a really huge mistake by even telling this guy that you didn't like this friend. It was not a smart thing to do. I'm not saying that these two 'friends' had a right to spread rumors and talk about you, because they definetly shouldn't have. But, you weren't being a great friend either. It sounds to me like you were pretending to be this girl's friend but just talked about how annoying she was to other people.

Listen, theres no doubt in my mind that you feel bad for what you said and what's going on. I know that you are a good person and you don't deserve to be dead over this and you shouldn't have to desire to die. You can make things better for yourself and forgive yourself. Everything won't go back to the way it was, but it can be better again.

I think since you are feeling deeply depressed about these problems, you need to talk to yor family or your school counselor about what happened and tell everything that you did even if it's wrong. Don't make everything look like it's their fault. Just say that you made a mistake and you need some help on how to deal with it. There isn't a whole lot you can expect when seeing a counselor, you just go in and they'll ask you why you are here and you just explain to them how you've felt and everything that's bothering you in school.

I hope that everything works out better for you

-TheTeenGirl

You want to know how to get a teacher to stop bugging you?

Stop being late to class for one thing. Sure, maybe he doesn't bug the other students who are late, but that's no reason to be upset and to continue being late. You are suppose to worry about you, not the other students who are late. Theres no reason why you should be late constantly. Just worry about yourself and get to class on time.

Give your boyfriend a hug where you teacher can't see you or just don't hug at all. I understand that you may really love your boyfriend, but hugs can wait for after and before school. Education has to be more important than a boyfriend through out school even if you don't like school, but what kid does anyway?

The reason you hate your teacher is because he calls you on actions that he is suppose to and you get caught. Which is a pretty immature way to get mad at a teacher. I don't mean to come down on you so hard, but you have to realize that you have to earn respect from your teacher by getting in your work, doing what they ask, and being on time to their class. When you don't show up on time, they just think that you aren't taking their class very seriously. Your teacher doesn't hate you, he just feels like you aren't having very much respect for his class.

-TheTeenGirl

Even though I don't know of you and your boyfriend's age difference, I think I'm going with your dad on this one and before you skip on to the next answer, let me tell you why.

When you are dating young, having a person about 2 or 3 years older than you is really too much for a teenager because you are so young and that person is in a different place in their life.

People who are married and about 10 years apart is ok because those people are older, they are adults. It's not a high schooler dating a middle schooler or a college student dating a high schooler. Dating years apart as a teenager isn't a good idea, things begin to change a lot more as you both grow together. While you are a Freshmen in high school and he's a senior, he will probably start thinking about sex while you are just learning more about sex and then you've got him wanting sex while you feel rushed into it. I'm not telling you that this will happen, but that is an example of what a young person is thinking about in a relationship, and what an older person is thinking about.

First off, don't convince yourself that you aren't able to be happy without this guy because you are capable of it even though it doesn't feel that way right now in time. Time will heal you and your heart and bring you back happiness and might even bring you back someone closer to your age that your parents will support. You can truly find happiness with someone else and without him. I know that you probably don't believe this and having someone tell you that is going to help, but I think you'll feel better when you know that everything will be ok.

If this age difference is big enough to where the police are in the situation, then I definetly think that you shouldn't be with this guy either. Theres no reason why this guy can't find a girl his own age either rather than picking on someone too young. Don't convince yourself that this guy is your soulmate and that you are miserable without him because he's not even close to your age from what it sounds like. Now, this break-up will be tough, but you should reach out to your friends and family for support to come over your feelings for this guy.

-TheTeenGirl

I know that this is not the answer you want, but if he is going to act like he hates you and wants his ex-girlfriend back, then he doesn't deserve to have things straightened out with you. He doesn't at all deserve to hear from you or have a second chance.

Whether he really does hate his ex-girlfriend or not, he's a jerk and you shouldn't worry about him because the two of you are over. Now, I could be wrong, but I have that intense feeling that you want to get things better between the two of you because you might still like him a lot and if it's true, it's nothing to be ashamed of even if it's been a long time since you called it off with him. There is nothing wrong with still loving a guy who isn't being respectful to you now, but there is something wrong if you try expressing that and get back with him.

I always say that it's ok to have a crush or be in love with someone who is hurtful or just disrepectful, but it's not ok to actually put those feelings in action.

My point is that you've tried just about everything with this guy. And if anything has to happen with the both of you, HE needs to step up and apologize to you. He should be the one texting you and calling you and getting a hold of you in any way possible. Not you. Working something out takes two people agreeing to work it out. Not just one person chasing the other. Let this break-up start a clean slate in your life. A fresh new start, no Ross, no Kaitlyn. No contacting either one of them.

-TheTeenGirl

I'm really sorry, but I'm not remembering what your question was in the first place because I get quite a few questions in my inbox, so could you please remind me of what your question was everytime you ask more about it?

Thanks and please get back to me, I want to help!

Thank you for asking me personally first of all, and I'm very sorry for not answering your question sooner. I was answering it last night, but something really bad happened, so sorry.

I know that being overweight can really make you feel left out, unattractive, and depressed. It has to be hard not being able to find a good weight solution thats workable and affordable for you.

But even if you could afford the surgery, I wouldn't suggest it until you really commit yourself to a diet plan that's around or that you see on TV with the support of your parents. I believe that if you are going through something as tough as weight loss or depression, you really need family or friends as a support team behind you when things get tough. Weight loss is a really hard thing to do and a lot of people usually don't keep going with their diet plans because:

-Either they think it's not working even though you have to be patient and keep working at it for a long time

-Or they lose their desired weight, so they quit the diet and gain back half of the weight.

I will admit that I do not know a whole lot about diets and eating plans and how to lose weight, but I do know that it is not an easy task. So, what I think you need to do is let your parents know that you want to find a diet plan that you think could work or have a doctor recommend one for your age. And then see if you can get a plan going for you and try getting as much support from your family as you can.

You can also buy a book that has a weight solution, or the internet or maybe your parents would know something good to try. Whatever the solution may be, you have to work at it even when you think it's not working. Let your parents know how serious you are about losing weight and I'm hoping that you are as serious as you can get. I can't promise you that this won't be hard work and it won't make you want to quit sometimes, but if you were feeling good about it all of the time, that probably means that nothing is working. If you feel how hard it is, you'll know that it's likely working for you.

I know that this may not have been an answer you were looking for, but I really hope that you'll talk to your parents about losing weight and getting healthy.

-TheTeenGirl

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.

Website:
Gender:
Age:
Member Since:
Answers:
Last Update:
Visitors:
Main Categories:




Favorite Columnists