|
bf issues
Well, today I asked my bf if he'd told everyone about us (we've been together 6 months today) and he said he had except one girl. When I further probed him about why, I found out she was a girl he had asked out (but she refused) before we got together. Well, he won't tell her because her parents seem to think he's a suitable candidate for her to marry and he thinks they would be hurt if they found out he was in love with someone else. I feel really hurt by this, because even though I know he meant well not to hurt them, I feel this shows he has feelings for her still, or at least is trying to save has as "Backup" in case things don't work out.
Am I justified in feeling this way ? Or could he have genuinely wanted to spare their feelings? Or does this mean there are some genuine problems in our relationship?
I will rate. And thank you.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, I'm not quite understanding what you meant by asking him if he had told everyone that you both were together. Did you mean by the whole school, his family, his friends?
Anyway, his excuse for not telling a certain girl isn't really acceptable. I think that if he's lying to this girl by actually telling her that he's not with anyone, then that needs to be straightened out. Don't ever let a guy you're with get away with telling someone else that he's single.
If she's flirting with him and he's just letting it happen, that needs to be fixed too. He needs to just come clean and tell this girl that he is with someone else.
But if she's not even bothering him hardly, then I don't see a problem with it unless she happens to ask him if he's with anyone and he says no. That girl and her family are going to have to get over the fact that she will not always end up with the guy her family thinks is perfect for her. Your boyfriend has a say in who he wants to be with, and the reality is that he chose you, not her.
You tell him these feelings that you are having about him keeping this relationship from this girl. If she's continuosly flirting with him, then he needs to go on and mention his relationship with you. But, if she's not bugging him, then I think that it's ok for himnot to tell her unless she asks.
-TheTeenGirl
]
I would feel exactly like you do, a little hurt and suspicious of his feelings. It's a weak excuse and you should point that out to him. He needs to be more honest.
]
I imagine your boyfriend has convinced himself he is doing this to spare these parent's feelings, but there is certainly no reason for this young lady, who has already turned him down for whatever reason, to have this information deliberately withheld from her. It seems to me it should be up to her whether or not she tells her parents. As she had already chosen not to date him, it is up to her to explain the situation to her parents, not him.
However, this "sparing their feelings" idea is nonsense. Quite honestly, it is crueler of him to mislead them, in order to avoid their disappointment, then it is for him to be honest with them.
Although I wouldn't want to say he is using this young lady as a 'back-up' is seems to me far more likely that he trying to avoid his own embarrassment and awkwardness dealing with her parents. Rather then actually caring how they feel, he is concerned about how he appears in their eyes.
Your feelings are certainly justified, but there is no reason to make this a real problem, just explain your fears to you boyfriend and the fact that he is not doing the honorable thing by withholding this information. All parties involved deserve honesty, and his approach to this could cause problems in both his relationship with you, and with this other family if he isn't forthcoming.
]
if i were you i would make him choice betwenn you the girl he loves and the other girl. no guy should play a girl that. you deserve to be treated like a princess not to hurt because of a girl the rejected him. you need to tell him how you feel about all of this and explain t him that he is hurting you when the girl was the one who hurt him. hope this helps.
♥ Steph
]
So, let me get this straight, it's NOT ok to hurt the parents of some girl that has turned him down for a date, yet, it IS ok to hurt you, his girlfriend, the person he loves? Something's VERY wrong with this picture. Does his parents at least know about you? And why is there such a concern for the parents of someone who he is not dating? There are some very BIG questions here that your boyfriend needs to answer. He's still not being completely honest with you about something. I can understand why you feel the way you do. His reasons for his behavior don't make sense. He has a lot of explaining to do and you shouldn't feel badly for confronting him on these issues. He isn't considering your feelings here, so you shouldn't worry about his. But before you do confront him you have to prepare yourself to hear something you may not want to know. I wish you all the luck!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
]
Well I think that even if it is true that he was trying not to hurt them, he wound up hurting you in the process. You're his gf anf you should be the priority, especially since you have been with him for half a year. I don't think that is a problem that can't turn around, but it will definitely give you insight into what you mean to him and how he feels about your relationship.. If I were in your place I would use this as an opportunity to communicate your values, such as honesty, loyalty and so on to him. If he feels the same as you you can put this behind you and communicate (which is the most important thing) to one another.
If he doesn't want to talk about the issue, you'll know where he stands, and what kind of person he is.
Good Luck!
]
I'm afraid I would be feeling the same way you do. You are justified in feeling that way as far as I'm concerned!
I would sure be discussing this with the boyfriend. For one thing if everyone else knows about it more than likely she will hear about it anyway. Keeping it secret from her seems a little silly.
I'm sorry but her parents feelings shouldn't even be a concern. Definitely something there that needs talked about.
]
More Questions: |