JNS's advice column | Main Page

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

New York

Occupation:

Teacher

Age:

23

Member Since:

April 29, 2006

Answers:

29

Last Update:

May 8, 2006

Visitors:

4711

Favorite Columnists

Main Categories:

about

Hi everyone and welcome to my advice column! My name is Jessica. This is me in Barcelona on the top of La Sagrada Familia which is a very famous cathedral designed by Antoni Gaudi.

I found out about Advicenators by mistake on google but I glad I stumbled upon it it because I love helping people, which naturally I use as a Spanish Teacher. If you have a problem and I can relate to it in anyway I will try to answer it to the best of my ability. Never hesitate to ask me a question, I hope I can help!

advice

Is it true that the only difference between Christianity and Judaism is that Christians believe that Jesus was the messiah and Jews don't believe the messiah has come yet?

That is the main difference. The whole old testament is used and taught in both judism and christianity and the new testament which includes Jesus is only used in christianity. However Jews and Christians pray and believe in the same God.

Is it possible to fall in love at 17? I have been with my boyfriend for only 4 months, but there is such an intense energy between us. We talk all the time and are together at every moment possible. we are similar in our core beliefs, but disagree on many topics. Disagreeing has sparked tons of interesting conversations between us. everytime i think about him or someone says his name i smile and get a warm, fuzzy, happy feeling. we trust and respect one another and have good sexual chemistry (we have not however, had sex and will not for quite some time)

I am almost positive that i love him, but ever since i was young people have always told me that you can't fall in love in high school. I want to get some outside oppinions and find out if the things i am feeling are what is generally classified as love.

thanks loves!
me*

There is no rule book to when people fall in love or get married or anything else in life. Of course you can fall in love when you are in high school. The person who told you youcan't didn't want it to happen to you. it sounds like you found a keeper (for now). I fell in love with my boyfriend when I was 18 and we are still together 5 years later. I can only tell you that had I believed I was too young to fall in love I would be missing out on a great thing because for me it keeps getting better and better. Listen to your heart and your own feeling they are your best guide.

ok so here's the thing, I am not as comfortable with sex as I want to be. Like I get nervous like i'm going to do something wrong or not be able to keep him 'interested'. How can I get more comfortable with my sexuality?

Being comfortable with sex comes with time. I think a major component i how comfortable you are with your partner. The more you can trust the person you're with the easier it becomes.

*really girls only*

ok well this is kinda health thing but yah i wanted to ask about this acne prob. i have.. ok its a lil weird.. but uh ok i have a lil acne in between my "chest" and i hate wearing bathing suits b.c of it and i was wondering do i use regular acne soap for it or is there something special for it?? i know its weird but please help. thank you. ill rate!!

It's normal... I would try the normal stuff you use on your face. Acne on your chest is not as abnormal as you think. Hormonal fluctuations cause acne to pop up in the strangest places, but I wouldn't worry because in most cases it's not permanent.

15/f, i like this guy whos in 11th grade and hes on the track team with me. we're friends, and he always calls me his "bestest bud" and always hugs me when he sees me, and teases me, and well when im near him he always puts his arms around me, around my waist or shoulders. and when we are out like, eating at a restaurant with the team (team dinners) he always has me sit next to him, or just pays attention to me. well its obvious to you readers that i like him a little, it may just be a crush but hes sweet and hes nice and cares, we just talk and well i feel good when im with him. soo do you think he likes me, what should i do around him, because track season is almost over (this wed.) and we wont see eachother as much, maybe like 1 time a day for like 1 minute! soo i dont know what to do, hes just someone i want to stay in my life, even if its just as a friend! help, any advice??? I WILL RATE 5'S!!!!!!

Jujst because track is almost over doesn't mean your friendship has to be over. tell him you want to hang out. The more you hang out with him, especially in a different setting, the more you have a chance to let him see you in a different light. If you guys hang out alone you'll probably have a better oppourtunity to become more than just friends.

I have stretch marks from an asthmatic medicine ( long story) does anyone know any creams or anything that is not too expensive to get rid of them or atleast make them show less? I tried coverup but I can only use almay and clinique so if you have anything from there that covers it up please tell me. im in desperate need for help soon because Im wearing shorts soon.
also if it is expensive and you know for a fact it works telll me about it.

Cocoa butter helps butonly if you apply it on a daily basis, it also helps prevent future stretch marks. Hang in there because they will fade over time. More women than you realize have them.

okay so my nose has blackheads and i wanna get rid of them my friend said "elmers glue" does anyone know if that works? i dont have enough $ for pro-activ and those pore strips don't work.
16/f

I know everybody tells you not to squeeze them but I use a blackhead tool. revlon sells it, it's a metal thing that has 2 loops on either end. I find that if I clean my face open up my pores with heat and squeeze the black heads I get them out. Just make sure you clean your face and the blackhead tool so you don't breakout more.

hey im a 26/f married,and i recently found out that im pregnant and i need some creative ways to tell my parents and my inlaws, im my parents only child so my pregnancy is really going to be exciting for them and i'll be the first pregnant out of my husbands family too so i need some thing really good and creative. thanx a bunch

On mothers day you could give both grandma's to be Grandma cards. Or along with the mother's day gift you can give them something they may need to use when they have a grand child over their house like bib that say i love my grand parents... When they open the gifts they will be shocked and then realize that they are going to have a grandchild!
Whatever you choose to do have fun and Congratulations! Good Luck!

Is it wrong that I never tell my "best friends" anything anymore?

Whenever I do tell them something, they end up telling their other really good friend who tells someone else, who then tells other people and the next thing I know, I'm walking into Best Buy and the guy at the register asks me about what I did with who at what party a few weekends ago. True story..that really did happen. Kinda funny but I was pissed as a mofo.

Now that I don't talk to them about anything serious, they get all mad. But why should I tell them things when the rest of the world is just going to find out about it?

I don't want to loose them as friends because they're still fun and everything so I just figured okay, I'll still hang out with them but not tell them anything that I would rather keep between us. But, turns out that they don't like that.

What should I do? Just ditch them?

I don't think it's wrong that you don't want o tell your friends about important personal things in your life, but at the same time you can hardly call them your best friends if you feel the need to with hold so much information. You should be able to trust your "best friends" and if you can't then the might not be the friends you thought they were. So take the for what they are worth have a good time, but don't count on them to save your life.
Good luck!

But can I be in love and just not know it?
Someone should know if they where in love,right?
But if I'm not in love with him, why did I cry
so hard that I could not breath today? When my friend and I seen him. He just looked at me and didnt say or do anything just look at me with no emotion. Not ever a smile. I think I'm gonna lose my mind.

You could definitely be in love and not know it. The answer is in how you define love. What I mean is, if you always think of love as romance and they way it is in the movies, maybe the actual love you have doesn't register on your love-meter. If you're feeling the way you do I would try being with him again and see how it goes.

You could be in love and just not be ready for it.

Before I started dating my boyfriend, we were friends for two whole years. I knew he liked me, and I think I loved him back... For some reason I couldn't bring myself to go out with him, he was great and everything you would want in a guy. I think that I was not ready for the kind of love I would have with him. It was almost two heavy, too much. I was 18 at the time I started dating him, it was really weird but I felt like it I was with him that was it for me. The feelings I had were so big that it that it took me two years to recognize I had feeling for him. I had nothing to compare my feelings to, because I had never felt that way before. For 2 years, I would ask my friends what is wrong? Do you think I love him? and all the questions you're asking. After a while they would just roll their eyes, and say just do something! Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I decided to jump in, even though I knew I would jump in so deep I might never be with anyone else or even want to be with any one else again. Fast forward 5 years and I am still with my boyfriend, and I think it's the best decision I have ever made.

But I realized that nobody can tell you how you feel, you have to decide, but I also realized it is possible not to know. Also he won't know how you feel until you tell him, so when you figure it out let him know. You probably love him...

To me love (in the romantic sense) is when you have so much fun with the person or enjoy the person so much it's almost as if time stands still. As if you're in your own small world. At least that in the beginning. I hope you figure it out, let me know.

Jessica

Ok, heres the thing I dont really know what is wronge with me. so I thought maybe someone eles might. I use to LOVE men I could'nt stand to be single. But now I'm lonely and empty inside, and dont really want A man. It's like I just have no interst I a relashionship. I'm not even interested in meetting anyone or dating the guy's that ask me out. When normally I would be datting or hell even in a relashionship with this really hot guy that wants to take me out. I really like him but I just dont have interest in datting him.What is wronge with me? Am I in love with my ex BUDDY? My friends think so. They say he broke me bad. I miss him alot. But I never thought I was falling in love with him. Could I be, and just not have realized it. I still dont think I fell in love with him. But I miss him and if at anytime he was to come to me and say I'm sorry for what I did and want back what we had and more I want use to be togather. I would not even think about It would be a yes without thought. But I still don't think I'm in Love with him. But am I? And just not see it? Someone please tell me what is wronge with me... brakemenotagain_luv 22 female

Only you know if you are in love with him. That has to be something that you decide fro yourself. You sure sound hung up on him, usually that means that there was a special connection between people. From an outsiders perspcetive,as long as he was good to you and not abusive, I would say you probably love him.
Keep in mind that love is strange because there are so many types and you might love him, but not feel a spark. You might not lust for him. Lust and love are not the same thing to me. Maybe you aren't meant to be romantically involved, or maybe you are putting to much pressure on yourself to feel the spark with him.

I say that let things happen naturally, and if you don't feel like dating anyone right now then you're obviously not ready.

I hope that I gave you enough food for thought. You need to figure this one out on your own, but think about what I wrote, maybe you'll get some insight o your feelings.
Good Luck!

Well, today I asked my bf if he'd told everyone about us (we've been together 6 months today) and he said he had except one girl. When I further probed him about why, I found out she was a girl he had asked out (but she refused) before we got together. Well, he won't tell her because her parents seem to think he's a suitable candidate for her to marry and he thinks they would be hurt if they found out he was in love with someone else. I feel really hurt by this, because even though I know he meant well not to hurt them, I feel this shows he has feelings for her still, or at least is trying to save has as "Backup" in case things don't work out.
Am I justified in feeling this way ? Or could he have genuinely wanted to spare their feelings? Or does this mean there are some genuine problems in our relationship?

I will rate. And thank you.

Well I think that even if it is true that he was trying not to hurt them, he wound up hurting you in the process. You're his gf anf you should be the priority, especially since you have been with him for half a year. I don't think that is a problem that can't turn around, but it will definitely give you insight into what you mean to him and how he feels about your relationship.. If I were in your place I would use this as an opportunity to communicate your values, such as honesty, loyalty and so on to him. If he feels the same as you you can put this behind you and communicate (which is the most important thing) to one another.
If he doesn't want to talk about the issue, you'll know where he stands, and what kind of person he is.
Good Luck!

what does morgue mean? particularly "town morgue"... someone said that in front of me and i dont know what it means

thank you

A morgue is were dead bodies are kept in refrigerators.

is a tomato a fruit or veggie i need to know now !!!!

It is definitely a fruit

Ok, well I'm 14/f and I'm not sexually active at all... i don't even kiss guys (it's a personal choice). But I do crazy stuff with them if I'm at parties or soemthing.. like go streaking, flash them, haha play strip poker. It's just how the parties go. And it's not liek I do it alone, my best girlfriends all are in. Is this liek really slutty? Am i considered a slut? I mean I have fun and all, but I don't want to be considered a slut at all. Thanks for the advice

If you're questioning yourself, then the situation does not feel right to you. If there was nothing wrong with it you would question yourself. The bottom line is you have to make a choice.
Ask yourself:
-Do I respect my self and my body?
-Do I want boys and other people to respect me and my body?

The choice is yours...Keep in my that your actions are causing people to make assumtions about you. The attention might be flattering and exciting in the moment, but later on if a boy wants to date you...
Will he want to date you for you, or for what he thinks you will do with him?

Always think ahead... and becareful with your body it's the only one you have.

I hope this helps.

18/f
What is the best way to achieve multiple orgasms?

gracias!

relax, and breath

hey whats up i haven't been on here for a longg time i've been going through alot right now and how does it feel like to get your first kiss because my boyfriend wants to move up in realtionship and like iam not sure if iam ready for my first kiss because i don't know how...

thanks lauren

Hey Lauren-
Kissing is great, but only if you feel ready... Don't rush into anything with any boyfriend if you don't feel ready, this advice goes for anything that involves a boyfriend. Keep in mind that if you kiss a boy that pressures you to do it, you probably won't enjoy it.

You won't know how to kiss until you actually kiss someone, chances are the boy doesn't know how to either, and if he does it doesn't mean he's an expert.

When you're ready... kissing a guy you like feels great because usually you know that he like you back.

Oh and if he cares about you, he'll wait until your ready.

-Jessica

how can i make my mascara appear more dramatic?

-first use an eyelash curler
but in addition use black eye liner pencil to intensify your lash line. Lift your upper lidd and line the lash from inside your eye and then use the pencil on the top of your lid...start from the outer corner and work your way in, but don't use too much on the top. By using liner with mascara you give the illusion of darker thicker lashes. I know, because I have thin lashes

ok so my boobs really look unhealthy.they dont look accurate and the same and they look discolord and one time i brushed up agains it and i felt a lump! a LUMP! in my boob! what does that mean?! its freaking me out cuz i think i have like breast cancer or something! PLEASE HELP!

I could be nothing... I wouldn't freak out, but it's always a good idea to cheak with a doctor.

I have had lumps that go away from time to time, usually before my period.

Calm down, take a deep breath, and let a doctor tell you you're 100% ok.

I don't know if I wanna go to college, but I know I'm at least gunna try it out. I'm not really the scholar though. I've taken tons of slack classes in highschool and stuff. A few questions...

1: If I find that college is not for me, what do I do with the rest of my life and work/money?

2: Is it true that businesses don't pay much attention to your college GPA? (Do they only care that you got a degree?)

Thanks!

If you were not a straight A student in High School, you have a chance to really prove that you could actually be good at academics in college. It's easy to feel like you're not cut out for college when you have braniac in HS asking you "Where are you going to college?" only to have you ask them the same question, only to find out they'e going to Harvard.

College is very different from HS, but I have to warn you that you get out what you put into it. It's not easy, but it's not impossible. Before I went to college I had anxiety about college classes, I didn't think that I would be able to do well, but I just graduated college a few months ago, and it was the most reward ing experience of my life. Think of it as necessity, it's like an investment that will pay off for the rest of your life... (Think of it like this: you work a little harder now, and you will have a much easier time getting a job)

I believe you should not only try college you should finish college so I won't answer question 1.

2. It depends on the company you apply to. Some companies just want to know that you graduated, and others ask for a college transcript which shows them all your grades.

College opens doors and gives you the freedom to change your life path at any given time.

Not going to college in many cases is constricting leaving you with fewer options. Think of this choice like a straight jacket...

By the way college can be fun, both in class and with friends.
Good luck!

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>