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wrong?


Question Posted Sunday May 7 2006, 8:34 pm

Is it wrong that I never tell my "best friends" anything anymore?


Whenever I do tell them something, they end up telling their other really good friend who tells someone else, who then tells other people and the next thing I know, I'm walking into Best Buy and the guy at the register asks me about what I did with who at what party a few weekends ago. True story..that really did happen. Kinda funny but I was pissed as a mofo.


Now that I don't talk to them about anything serious, they get all mad. But why should I tell them things when the rest of the world is just going to find out about it?


I don't want to loose them as friends because they're still fun and everything so I just figured okay, I'll still hang out with them but not tell them anything that I would rather keep between us. But, turns out that they don't like that.


What should I do? Just ditch them?


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Vikki27 answered Tuesday May 9 2006, 5:41 am:
In short, no, I don't think it is wrong at all.

The problem really is one they should be able to understand. You tell them secrets, the very definition of which is something that should be kept between you and they seem to have a distinct lack of control when it comes to keeping those secrets. Therefore, why should you keep telling them? At least you know you can keep your own secrets.

Try explaining to them that it is your decision whether you tell anyone your secrets and they can't start getting upset with you after they betray your trust, just because you learned they can't be trusted not to tell.

If they are still funny with you after this, you will have a few options as to what you can do. You can choose to trust them, but always know there is a risk in telling them anything confidential; you could tell them you will tell them if anything worth mentioning comes up and then ensure you say nothing private to them of any real value after that; you could give them one last chance to prove they can be trusted, before telling them something completely fictional and see if it still gets round; or you could just accept that true friends don't turn each other's secrets into salacious gossip.

What you choose to do is unfortunately a decision that nobody else can make but suffice to say that in my opinion, these girls don't really know how to be good friends.

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its_gabby answered Monday May 8 2006, 7:54 pm:
No, you should tell them how you feel. If you like your friends, you don't want to leave them. Good ones are hard to find. Well, I think that you should tell them what happens/ed, and why you don't tell secrets anymore. If they aren't cool with that, and they say things like "We swear we won't tell anybody!", and you still don't trust them, just say that it will take a while to regain their trust, and you eventually will tell them things. It's up to you if you ever feel like telling them anything serious again. So, I really hope this hlpes!

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xoxDaneCookRox answered Monday May 8 2006, 5:28 pm:
Tell tham whatever you wantor dont want. You dont have to tell them stuff just cause there your best friend. Some things are better kept to themselfs. I dont think you should ditch them. Just stop telling them stuff that you dont want them to know. If they get mad at your for that there not very good friends anyway.

xoxJess

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TheTeenGirl answered Monday May 8 2006, 1:33 am:
This is an issue that you have to bring up to these friends who pass around your secrets. Tell them that you can't trust them because you know that it gets around.

I think it is only fair that you let them know why you've stopped letting them know your secrets and that you really want to be able to confide in them to keep your secrets and not pass it around like a school rumor.

I think that you can still continue a friendship with these people and try finding one friend that you can truly confide in while having fun with the others. Your friends will probably deny that they told anyone, but tell them that you know for a fact that it's gotten around and that you aren't taking your chances anymore the next time they get upset.

-TheTeenGirl

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JNS answered Sunday May 7 2006, 11:55 pm:
I don't think it's wrong that you don't want o tell your friends about important personal things in your life, but at the same time you can hardly call them your best friends if you feel the need to with hold so much information. You should be able to trust your "best friends" and if you can't then the might not be the friends you thought they were. So take the for what they are worth have a good time, but don't count on them to save your life.
Good luck!

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Vendetta answered Sunday May 7 2006, 9:17 pm:
It's not wrong. You don't have to tell people anything you do not want to. If they are pissed off about it, tell them why.

I hardly ever tell my friends anything "important", and they don't really make a big deal about it. They just accept that it's my personality.

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CavieOwnsU2 answered Sunday May 7 2006, 9:13 pm:
People have many different personalities and need many different people to fit those. What I would do is stay with them and have fun (don't let them know there's something you aren't telling them). They can be like your party girls/guys, they people you go crazy with. However, its a good idea to have at least one or two really good friends who you can talk to and be serious with who are trustworthy. If your "best friends" don't accept the fact that you are not going to tell them everything, then maybe it is time to move on.

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