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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
ok, this is long but please help me.
my parents were out of the country and I had to rely on ppl for help and rides to work/school/food to eat (mainly my boyfriend of 2 yrs) but anyways 1day i havent ate all day and i got off work @ 2am and asked him to take me to the local fast food place.he refused. he know i didnt eat but he was mad. he says i always eat late and he cant do it for me no more. i was mad. i didnt understand why it is a problem if you know i am starving and havent eaten all day. i thought if he loved me he wouldnt want to see me hungry. so i asked to speak with him, but that didnt turn out so good. in the end, i asked for a break in the relationship and we didnt talk for 8 days. then i called him to speak again.
i asked hin do he understand why i was mad, then he explained his side of the story. we both understood each other and we comprimised. i asked him, "so what do you want to do know" he said he needs a break to think about things. another week goes by, no talking. so yesterday i called him and said. "this is childish, i dont like the break things, either you want to be with me or not, you dont need 2weeks to think of this if you really loved me" then he said. NO!! he dont
then i was very ladylike and said ok, thank you. that is all i wanted to know.
hours later, my uncle (who is very close to me and him) asked him why. his reason is that i am hard headed, and i make excuses so i wont have to do anything (such as walking 8 blocks down the street but instead i ask him for a ride) i feel that those reasons are bogus and can easily be resolved.
the reason this hurts me so bad is b/c he was my first BF and the one who took my virginity. before then, i never trusted men b/c i was molested when i was younger for 3 years by a family friend. he knows this and he is the only one. nobody knows about my past but him. i told him why i am the way i am before our relationship. i told him i am a roomantic but is have a very strong personality and i never let go of a battle/arguement b/c i dont ever want to feel defeated ever again.
i think this can be easily fixed but he does not want to. i want to be with him. what do i do. what do you think
p.s. the reason i was pissed off was b/c i felt what he did was insensitive and he always does things like that. he depends way too much on his mom (which i liked at first but it hinders him from growing as a person) he purposely picks me up late from work, he does not show any emotions, and he does not go out with me but will go out with his friends(like movies, parties, etc.)
please tell me what i should do, but do not be overboard mean and harsh. i am very sensitive right now..
i am 20 he is 21.
The Answer
You should take a deep breath and learn how to be okay without him. Perhaps seek some counselling so you can improve the way you handle conflict and become more considerate to your partner.
You can't make him want to work on the relationship. He's thrown in the towel. He's been very clear. He’s said, straight up, that he doesn’t love you. I’m sorry to be so direct about it, but it really doesn’t get any clearer than that. It sounds like he is simply finished with this relationship.
His reasons are his reasons, and it's unfair and judgemental to call them bogus. It's disrespectful to the way he feels. It's true that many guys don't show emotions the way women would like them too, but still have them, and this guy feels used, abused and neglected by you. Even just from this question, I can’t help but imagine you are rather demanding of him, and he obviously didn’t like it. It’s also pretty clear that you weren’t terribly happy with his behaviour either.
Demanding he re-examine his reasons and give it another chance, is just going to be continuing the whole problem of making demands of him and trying to change him by force. Instead of that, take a deep breath, and take care of yourself for a while. In my opinion, you two sound like a poor match: You don’t seem to be offering what the other needs. But regardless of my opinion, if you don’t back off now, you two will probably never be able to be even civil to one another again. You both need a serious cooling down period if you are going to be able to address any of the past in a respectful way. During that cool down period, work on your own behaviour and mental health. Even if there is no future for you with this guy, you’ll be glad you did.
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The Question
This might sound like such a stupid question, but I actually don't know the answer to it. My friends often say to me "I don't know if he likes me" and I can always tell if a guy likes them, but never if they like me!
There's a guy I know and he has told me he likes me, his friends have also said he likes me... But I still don't believe it. We've kissed so many times, but that doesn't really mean anything!
The Answer
If you don’t believe your ears, your friends, or your lips, WE can't help you.
He likes you.
I'm with Christina on this one:
The best way to find out if he likes you enough to date you, is to ask him out.
Not all guys 'like' being manly and dominant. That's a lot of pressure for a teenage guy. Help the poor guy out and make some alone time with him. Don’t call it a date if you don’t want too, but if want things to move forward, get moving.
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The Question
I am trying to think of a theme for the play The Piano Lesson and we have a list to chose from
reality vs. fantasy
natural vs. unnatural
individual vs. people (environment)
fate vs. freewill
needs vs. desires
gains vs. loss
ignorance vs. knowledge
I dont know if anyone has read the book but i was thinking of using either reality vs. fantasy or natural vs. unnatural for the ghosts. Which one do you think is better? or if you dont think either will work than which one should i use? the essay only has to be one page if that helps
The Answer
Meh, did your teacher offer that list? It's a lousy one.
The play isn't about real vs fantasy, or the natural vs unnatural... it's about how to honor memories. Do you do it through the silent reverence to objects imbued with deep symbolism, or can you keep the stories and move forward without the object. The brother and sister both want to honor the past. They just completely disagree about how to do that.
If I had to pick one though, I'd go for 'natural vs unnatural'. I don't agree that it's merely a matter of opinion. Unnatural simply refers to that which is not scientifically verifiable or measurable. That which is not of the natural world, is just that which we cannot perceive by natural means. From that perspective, the sister is valuing the unnatural, things that can't be measured, things she wont even share with others, and her brother is valuing the natural, progress and the telling of real life stories.
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The Question
My friend told me that she is gay and I do not want to be friends with her anymore. It's not that I don't like her as a person but I cannot grasp the fact that she has become a lesbian. Just months ago she was dating men and now she is claiming homosexuality. I don't like it and the entire thing makes me uncomfortable. I'm trying to avoid her now more than ever since she has confessed her sexuality to me and I feel that I need to just tell her to her face why I no longer have interest in our friendship. How should I tell her? What should I say? I don't want to come off as cruel by saying, "You're a homosexual and that makes me too uncomfortable to continue a friendship with you," but at the same time I think it sounds most appropriate because it is the truth.
I know it isn't fair of me to not tell her why I have been avoiding contact with her. I know I should tell her but I'm not sure how I should go about this. I was thinking a neutral setting would be most appropriate but I don't want to embarrass her if she gets upset in some form.
Does anyone have experience with this or any ideas of how I should handle this matter? Thank you.
The Answer
You can choose not to be friends with someone for any reason you'd like, but some of those reasons will be cruel. The truth isn't always pleasant, but I think you are right: Your friend deserves to know the truth about your perceptive, no matter how cruel it is.
So be as polite as you can be, and OWN the problem. The problem is not that she believes she is gay. The problem is you not being okay with her being gay, and you not being comfortable. You are the one with the problem here, not her. Being clear about, and taking ownership of your own emotions, rather than trying to blame her for hers, is the most respectful thing you can do.
Tell her the truth, in a short letter, if you can't find a comfortable neutral place to do it. Don't drag up the whole 'You were straight a month ago!' nonsense. Most people who indentify as homosexual thought they were straight, until the day they realized they weren't. That doesn't make them as less gay. Stay focused on you, not her past, or her future, and back out of the friendship gracefully and with a message of respect, despite your inability to be accepting.
She is going to met many people like you in her life, who, for some reason or another can't accept, live and let live, and be comfortable with her changing indenitiy, her confusion, or her sexuality. The best thing you can do, is make this first rejection gentle and respectful.
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The Question
So basically on December 21st, 2012 around 11:11pm the world is supposed to end, and Im freaking out haha. opinions on this?
The Answer
My opinion: It's a bigger load of bullshit then Y2K.
The world is probably not going to end, and even if it does, that doesn't make the people who said it would right, it make it an amazingly lucky geuss.
This is a fun read for you to help put these end of the world stories into perspective:
30 End of the World Predictions that Didn’t Come True:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article4717864.ece
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The Question
is it true that it hurts guys to shave down there? my boyfriend said he would start shaving for me but like i dont want himto hurt himself...oh and is it also true that guys don't respect guys who shave down there if they ever find out about it?
The Answer
Skin is skin, and it's not really designed to be shaven at all. So yeah, it can be uncomfortable, about as much as it can be uncomfortable for a woman to shave. Maybe a bit more, as they learn how to do it. Just like women get better with practice and hurt themselves less, men can acquire this skill too.
Waxing, I'll grant you, is WAAAY more painful for guys, simply because their skin isn't as taunt around that area as a woman's is.
As for the respect thing:
It probably is true of a lot of guys.
Straight guys are silly: They seem terrified that the moment they actually take care of themselves and give a damn about hygiene they will 'catch the gay'. So yes, it's probably true, and that is why both you should keep it private (it's a private thing anyways!) and not go sharing the details with anyone.
Frankly, if I were you, I'd encourage my boyfriend to trim the hair first, and get use to the sensation a bit before even considering shaving. Triming it a bit shorter will keep it neater and cleaner, without exposing all the skin underneath to sensations it's not used too.
Plus, triming doesn't hurt at all.
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The Question
To start with, I have met a guy who I really like. At first we got along so well, he was always complimenting me and telling me he liked me. We've kissed but we haven't really gone any further. He told his best friend (who then told me) that he was going to ask me out. 2 weeks later and he still hasn't! I didn't mention it to him though, but the guy I like then said to me "I really like you, but i'm just not ready" and I said ready for what? And he said a relationship.
This always confuses me when I hear guys say this - yes I know it means what it says..but I just think what does he expect from me now, does he just want to be friends? Because if he wanted to just be friends then why does he keep texting/emailing me saying how much he likes me? And telling his friends that he really likes me. His best friend said that he ended his last relationship because he felt he was ready. I don't know what to do guys.
The Answer
Don’t worry about what he wants.
The phrase “I’m just not ready” doesn’t just mean what it says, it also means he is just not that into you. Ignore the confusing texts, and trust me on this one: He's just not that into you.
It could be that he's just not into you enough to take the risk, it could be that he's just not into you enough let you into his personal life, it could be that he's just not into you enough to change his current lifestyle, it could be that he's just not that into you because he's struggling with his own identity, it could be that he's just not into you enough to handle pressure from his friends or family about a relationship...
Whatever his complex, personal reasons might be, he's just not into you enough to discuss them with you, or to want to address them.
When you realize that “not ready" is a poliete way of saying "I'm not into you enough to even discuss the reasons I'm not going to persue anything with you" you can free yourself from worrying about what he wants. He might want to hook up randomly with you and five other girls for all I know. I cannot read his mind. Neither can anyone else.
What IS important is what do you want with a guy who’s told you that he just isn't that into you.
Do you want to be friends?
Do you want to be friends that flirt?
Do you want to hook up with him?
Do you want to tell him to cool it with the 'liking you' because it confuses you?
Just do some real thinking about what kind of friendship you want with this guy, assuming that he’s not interested right now, and might not ever be. Figure out what kind of friendship with him will make you happy and confident, and let him speak up if that isn’t what he wants.
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The Question
so i gave my boyfriend a bj for the first time...he has alot of hair down there (he said he'd shave it next time for me) but yeah i didn't want to say anything but it smelt like b.o. down there....i mean, it was gross...i mean i don't expect it to smell and taste like cherries but idk is it suppose to smell like that? or is it just cause of him sweating and the hair or is that just the way cum smells? i didn't really mind the taste i just can't stand the smell...should i say something?
The Answer
Sure. Ask him to shower first even.
People sweat. We just do. And when we sweat we smell. That's a fact of life that can't be escaped. However, that doesn't mean you should feel obligated to go down on a guy who has been wearing the same pair of boxers for the last 9 hours, walked and maybe even ran around outside in 'em, espcailly in the summer heat. It's fair to say 'Dude, you've been wearing these clothes all day and you is stinky. Go clean up!'
You wouldn't want to make out with a guy who hadn't brushed his teeth since yesterday either. That's fair.
Just be friendly and respectful about it. Tell him, in an upbeat and positive way, that blow jobs would be a lot more fun for you if he took a shower first.
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The Question
Ma always asks me about my day at school, and I always tell her. Sometimes my brother overhears, and lately he has been. And after hearing about this boy I sit by in a couple of classes, he's said "That means he likes you."
I mean... I don't know... he steals my pencil sometimes, tries to mark me with a pen, throws small objects such as erasers at me then when I look at him he grins great big, and we both end up laughing when he keeps doing it. He always tries to make me laugh.
How is that all such a sign of being liked? O.o
My brother said it all is...
Am I really THAT dense????
The Answer
You aren't that dense.
Boys do things that are that silly.
Your brother is probably right. It's not 100% sure thing, but it seems damn likely that he is into you.
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The Question
hi, 17/m
my friend had a party yesterday at a hotel room. At this party, my two friends (who are cousins) were invited. They are amazingly good looking blondes. At this party, alcohol got to everyone- the blonde cosuing started making out, and i was getting rather excited, and amused. My girlfriend saw this and felt uncomfortable and left the hotel room for fresh air.
I talked to her, and she told me that she wasnt comfortable watching them make out, and then we were fine. Also, i kissed both of the blondes. Some of the people saw it, but my girlfriend was not in the room. What do i do? My girlfriend doesnt know. Should i tell her? Or keep it a secret? Obviousely it was a stupid decision on my part, but i was very drunk!
thanks a bunch folks!
The Answer
If you don't tell her, somebody else definately will. It's just too juicy a detail for them to keep quiet on.
And then you are competely screwed.
Fess up first, and you might have a chance to mend it and make it up to her.
If she finds out from someone else, she might never forgive you. In her place, I wouldn't.
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The Question
This really isn't a question but a general comment towards all of the other postings about suicide. The problem I see is that we in the Western world view suicide as a sign of weakness. Turn to God and everything will be wonderful. Others say that what you are going through is temporary and to keep hanging in there. However, what is never addressed is the person. The quality of life that he or she is living now. Not only the here and now, but what steps or what road that person is facing to correct this horrible deficit in their life. I truly believe that our Western culture does not know how to deal with quality of life. In fact, our views of quality of life can be likened to a credit card. Just charge it now and pay it off later. In otherwords, deal with it later. I disagree. The quality of a mans life can only be measured by the person, not those around him or her. You can have all the friends in the world, but still be totally lonely if you are lacking any of the different types of love that a person can and should experience, i.e., eros, brotherly love etc. If you are at your whits end, and you truly believe there is no hope or no recovery from your present situation or so overwhelmed, then suicide is an option. What you need to ask yourself, am I being rash or foolish? That is where our Western society cannot judge, but often does. I have thought about suicide in the past and even planed it out. But for some reason in my life, it may have taken months or a year or two, I find myself looking back and thinking how stupid I was for ever thinking that. Then I'm amazed how wonderful my life is now and how temporary my pain and anguish was at the low time in my life. I'm also amazed to this day when people tell me their problems how bad they have it. Not that I'm insensitive in anyway, but know this, other's have had it bad or worse than whatever it is you are going through now. Not that I'm advocating suicide in anyway, I'm just saying that it is an option. Feeling trapped and scared and anxious are not options we want to live with. None of us. By the way, my method of suicide was carbon minoxide (classic car in a garage). You cannot reverse the co2 once it attaches to your red blood cells. You just go to sleep. The other option, is slapping 20 or so 100mcg/hour fentanyl patches to my body and curling up in several warm blankets to cause the drug to cross the skin barrier faster. Maybe even eating a few patches too. All I can say is think and view all of your options before you do decide to make that big leap.
The Answer
You have a point. It's a point that would certainly be relevant to many people's thoughts on suicide.
Frankly though, it's not relevant to most of the suicide questions we receive here.
Most of the suicide questions addressed here are from young people, with tunnel vision and poor judgment, coupled with some temporarily horrible circumstances and bad brain chemistry.
Is that a generalization? Am I judging?
Absolutely.
But it's also a fair generalization, based on objective observation, scientific and biological fact, as well as personal experience.
Generalizing that most of the suicide questions we receive here are from teenagers in bad, and yes sometimes very destructive and abusive situations that are temporary, can be overcome, and that they are not (and perhaps are not yet cognitively capable of) seeing the larger context of is as a true and fair as generalizing that most toddlers stick random things in their mouths.
Sure, some toddlers might not go around sticking random things in their mouths, but no one is going to call me a bad, closed minded or judgmental person for assuming it of them.
I can agree with you that an adult, lucid and rational individual should be able to determine the value of their own life, but in return I'd expect you could also agree that many individuals are immature, unaware, irrational and objectively wrong about how they value their own life. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean they should be forced to live it if they don't want too, but it certainly does mean we don't have to take anyone's word on how valuable they believe their life to be! There is no reason to assume their valuation is objectively true or to declare it all relative and that what is true for them is therefore completely true and accurate for them. We don't have to throw up our hands and say 'You are you, so you must be right!' when it comes to someone's appraisal of their own life.
We can disagree, and if we do disagree, it would probably be good to speak up sooner rather then later, since suicide isn't exactly a decision that can be evaluated and adjusted after the fact.
So, in essence, I agree with your position that suicide is an option. I have no idea of your age or area, but the more educated and liberal the people around you, the more you will find people who share that sort of perspective and are in support of medically assisted suicide or euthanasia and the like. But I also think it is a good thing that our culture discourages it and specifically a good thing that we on Advicenators discourage it. We are absolutely engaging in judgment and generalizations when we do so, but that doesn't automatically make us wrong. Based on the evidence we are given here, we give the best advice we can. That best advice is almost always to discourage.
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The Question
Alright, my boyfriend and I love each other a lot and then a few days ago his ex calls him. He doesn't know why she wants to talk to him because he hasn't seen her in ten years. She won't tell him over the phone, so yesterday he went to go meet her for coffee.
He has a daughter. She's almost ten and all she wants for her birthday is to meet her father.
I'm not calling my boyfriend a lier because he never knew about his ex girlfriend being pregnant, and I don't think he's lying to me about that because we've always had a very open and honest relationship. He already told me he wants to stay with me, and that his having a daughter changes nothing between us.
My worry is, what if his daughter wants him and her mom to get back together? I'm freaking out about that. I know he loves me, but I know (even if he never knew about her) that his prioreties put his daughter before me. I'm okay with that, but I don't want to lose him.
I'm afraid to bring it up with him because it's still a sore subject. He went to go meet her today, and honestly I'm just freaked out. Could someone give any advice on how to calm down and maybe stop worrying over this?
The Answer
First off, him having a daughter does change things between you and him. I'm not saying he lied to you about that, he probably just doesn't realize it yet. However, it's best that you realize it right now:
If he wants to be in this child's life, that will change EVERYTHING about his life. Everything. Not just his priorities, but it could affect his housing, his income, his job, his hobbies... and yes, his relationship with you.
You can't avoid that change, you can only stay open to it, and keep talking it through. Don’t let him pretend it doesn’t change things between you. Boys can say silly things like that sometimes without thinking it through: Remind him that is does change things, but that’s okay, and you two will deal with the changes.
If his daughter DOES wants Daddy and Mommy back together, tough shit. Like so many children, she will learn to deal with that disappointment. The thing you can do is encourage your boyfriend to be honest with his little girl, in terms she can understand, and not to lead her on or give her false hope. This world is not magically altered by what a 10 year old wants. If it was, we’d all have pet unicorns.
Children are surprisingly resourceful and adaptive. If her Daddy tells her calmly and lovingly that he is not going to get back together with her Mommy, she will eventually believe him (if she even cares! She might not give a damn.) Children often just want their parents together because it’s part of what makes them feel loved and secure. If your boyfriend can make her feel plenty loved and secure without that, it’s less likely to matter. Talk to your boyfriend about your fear. It will also help him to be on guard against it, and to be clear from the start that he is around for his daughter, not his daughter’s mom.
That’s the most important part of all: TALK. Ask questions. Share your thoughts.
Don’t demand to meet the mom or the child. Not for a few weeks at very, very least.
Give advice, but let your boyfriend make up his own mind about how to deal with this. Until first contact has been made, and there is some plan for further contact between him and his daughter, your job is to butt out, and be a calm and sensible sounding board for him. It’s a damn hard job, but if you are good at it, everyone will thank you for it. Maybe even his daughter some day.
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The Question
My mother just recently lost her license for 6 months, however I just got my permit. If I were to be driving and get pulled over.. who would get in trouble? Both of us.. or my mother.. or just myself?
If it helps, I live in NJ.
The Answer
You need to have someone in the car with a VALID license, which your mother no longer has.
You would both get in trouble. There would be a fine involved at very least. I'm not sure what misdemeanour they could charge you with, but the cop might know of one.
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The Question
15 year old female . & i want to be in charge of the relationship . my boyfriend lately has beeen in the i dont give a crap mood and he talks to girls and he gets mad about everything . he is always making fun of me and stuff in front of his friends and he always treats me bad and makes me feeel like if i was his dog or something. is there any way that i can stay with him , but make me be in charge ? and stop him from treating me this way ?
The Answer
The only relationships that are about who is 'in charge' are the relationships between bosses and employees, parents and childrens, and humans and animals.
You want a rommantic relationship? Give up the idea of being 'in charge' of the both of you.
You are only in charge of you.
If you don't like what he is doing, the ONLY thing you can do, is decide what your response to his behavoir is going to be.
If he treats you bad, call him on it, tell him exactly what you don't like about it, and tell him what will happen if it continues.
If it keeps happening, remind him firmly about what your reponse will be.
If it keeps happening, dump his ass.
There are two things you can rationally think when a guy wont be respectful and treat you decently:
One. He's a moron who doesn't know how to behave, and is refusing to learn.
or Two. He doesn't like you enough to treat you decently.
Either way, no amount of being 'in charge' will change that. That is the kind of guy you just dump.
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The Question
I was a virgin until March of this year (I'm 17) and my boobs have always been the same size since I was about 15 and then suddenly within the past month and a half they grew almost a cup size, I had noticed it one day and mentioned it to my boyfriend (who also noticed) and he said it was probably from sex? And that sex matures your body..is this true? I didn't gain any weight so it wasn't that.
The Answer
Nopes. It was just your body’s time to undergo this change. Most women will have their last growth spurt around 17 or 18 (about the time the metabolism starts to slow down too). Sex doesn't jump start maturation.
Just because two things happen at the same time, doens't mean one caused the other.
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The Question
hey im 18/f and my dr. just called and said my pap smear came back abnormal. She said that she found cells that were abnormal i cant really remember what she called them. but she told me that they were the type of cells that are found when you cant have children. She said they're also from having sex with more than one partner, i've only had sex with 2. She said not to worry about it and that i need another pap smearn next year which i already know and she said hopefully they're gone before next year. But now im freaking out because i may not be able to have kids :( can somebody please help me. Like tell me if they know or they personally have had a doctor tell them that and everything was fine. Anything would be helpful! thanks very much
-Ashley
The Answer
Abnormal pap test results, are in fact, pretty normal. I’ve had them once or twice now, and then fine again. It happens to millions of women a year. It could be caused by many things, including many harmless things that will simply cure themselves. The most common causes are mild yeast infections and the virus HPV.
HPV is not a death sentence. There are hundreds of types of it, and only very, very few of them have any long term effects on female health.
Please, don’t flip out. It’s a good idea to have pap smears every six months rather than every year, just to keep on top of any developments, but really, infertility isn’t something to worry about until you have a lot more information. There are many, many other things it could be (including: nothing at all).
I HOPE your doctor didn't actually say abnormal cells were the result of 'sleeping with many people', because that is bullshit. Or that she could tell you’d slept with several because of the cells. That is also bullshit.
Abnormal cells could be the result of sleeping with ONE single person, who passed on an imbalance or virus to you. It only takes one person. Sure, people with more partners have a greater risk, but it’s not like something magical where your body KNOWS you’ve slept with too many guys so you get abnormal cells! And no, she can’t tell from looking at your body how many partners you’ve had.
The reason she suggested staying with one partner is so that you don’t pass whatever virus (and in most cases it is a virus that causes abnormal cells) around. The reason she said that, rather then ‘Don’t have sex!’ is because most of the viruses that cause abnormal cells aren’t too dangerous for women, and are almost completely harmless for men (except of course, that they can pass them on to other women). It’s really just plain out good advice not bang a bunch of random people :D
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The Question
Ok so my bf has a female friend whom they are close they go to school and work together..the thing is i never met her or anything so when she was texting him about her personal life i would get really mad about it..yes im very jealous...! one day she text him and i told him to tell her not to text you nomore so he simply repiled back and said "please dont text me" she den said ok..The next day i was on the phone with my bf and he said that they are no longer friends becoz i guess she took it to the heart she started igging him at work and all that stuff..the thing is now that my bf is mad at me beoz they are not friend anymore & dey were close...I feel happy coz she put me through alot of arugements with my bf & lots of stress..mind you we been together for more then 4yrz..Now i know they have nothing going on becoz he told me & i trust him. But now he is mad and idk what to do..was it selfish of me? i dont think so becoz i dont want no female texting my man espcially if i dont know her..i know he would get over it, but was i right for doing this im so confused??
The Answer
You were wrong to ask your boyyfriend to ditch his female friend. It's not nice, and it's not respectful or trusting for you to make those sorts of demands.
The simplest truth in the universe is this:
If someone wants to cheat, they are going to cheat. If someone doesn't want to cheat, they NEVER will.
Even if you can manage to demand that girls not text your boyfriend, he could still cheat if he wanted too. If he doesn't want to cheat, he never will, no matter how much texting he does.
If you've been with your boyfriend during your teens, this is an important thing to learn: When we are young teenagers it's pretty normal for the girlfriend or boyfriend to be our only really close friend of the opposite sex, but as we get older and mature, we collect more friends of the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong with that. It's completely natural and part of growing up.
If you have a problem with her because you've never met her: Then make the effort to met her and be friendly to her. If you have a problem with her because she flirts too much with your boyfriend THEN you actually have something to talk to your boyfriend about: He should absolutely put an end to flirting or touching. However, if they aren't doing a damn thing wrong, just being friends and talking about thier day and texting, then they have every right too do that.
If you stress out, argue and bully your boyfriend into ditching all his female friends, he's going to get mad at you at a lot. Eventually he'll probably dump you for doing that, and he'll be right to dump you for not trusting him, and for bullying him.
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The Question
I have a huge problem. I know it might sound wierd but dont laugh! I want to date men, kiss men,have sex with men,mary a men and have children with a men but i would'nt mind have sex with a girl! Am i a lesbian or not? But i want to mary and have sex with a men but like if a girl came to me and ask me if i wanted to have sex with her i would'nt mind and i'd say yes! So plz help me and tell me if you considered me a lesbian.
thanks
The Answer
Lesbians want to have sex with women and have relationships and fall in love with women.
You probably aren't a lesbian. Honestly, you can call yourself one if you want, but most people will think that's wierd.
You can call your bisexual, or bi-curious if you'd like too. More people will understand what you are talking about if you use those labels.
The simple truth is: lots of women have some degree of same-sex attraction, and not all of them are lesbians. Some of them wouldn't even call themselves bisexual. The more and more research that is done, the more and more people are learning how fluid sexuality is. It's not just gay or straight. There is a huge gray zone inbetween those two extremes.
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The Question
Okay well I have been dating this guy for about a year and six months. He used to pay attention to me but now it's basically all going to his friends. For examples, he went to the beach with this guy for a week, and I told him I didn't want him to go and he said (word for word) I don't care, I am going anyway. So then he goes to his friends house and when we talk it's like for two seconds. Even when he is not with his friends he will be like I have to go eat, and I will say will you call me after you eat, and he said I don't know, maybe. So then when we argue, he is always like WHATEVER I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, YOU PICK AN ARGUMENT OUT OF NOTHING. And then he always says I keep him on lockdown and I said I do not, I let you go anywhere you want to go. And he said, if I got to go anywhere I wanted to go, I would be gone everyday. And I told him we would never get to talk if he did that. He just acts like he never cares about me anymore. And also, whenever we argue he never says sorry unless I say something like, wow thanks for your apology, or stuff like that. It seems like his friends are way more important to him than I will ever be, and its making me lose my feelings for him. What do I do? Is it my fault?
The Answer
Well, yes. It is partly your fault really: You keep trying to make him change, when it's obvious he isn't going too.
You aren't a bad person or anything, but clearly you aren't going to get what you want from this guy, so why keep on badgering him?
By now you know absolutely that you two have a different idea of what a 'relationship' entails. Either you can change what you think you need and deserve from him or you can dump him (or, you could keep complaining and agruing with one another, if you really wanted to do that). No amount of nagging and pushing will make him change his mind or change his idea of what you need from him, so you can really only control if you stay or go.
If you two can't give one another what you each need, break up.
If you have lost your affection for him, break up.
Things don't have to be completely horrible for you to decide to end it. Sometimes, two people just don't work out. That's okay. The best thing to do is to part ways respectfully, before you get too angry and resentful to be civil about it.
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The Question
Everyone seems to have a problem with age I dont see why its just the some person being born a different time. What do you think?
The Answer
I'm going to assume you mean the an age difference in relationship?
Sorry if I'm wrong. You could also mean the age loosing your virginity, but I'm really not clear...
In a legal sense: Age Matters.
And yes, even if we are talking about two people who are above the legal age of consent:
Age still matters.
It's not about the time of birth. You are right that the number of years on this planet is somewhat arbitrary and irrelevant. It's about what happens in those years.
Age is a common standard by which experience many of life's milestones. It is a fairly accurate measurement that describes what you've done and what sort of things you'll need to do in the near future, and it's a loose measurement of your self awareness.
But even that experience and self awareness is not the really the issue that makes not the chronological age that makes relationship with a large age difference a problem. Among young adults, until about 25 years of age you simply AREN'T the person you are going to be for the rest of your. Biologically, your brain is still undergoing one of it's biggest shifts and learning periods.
Ask anyone: The person they were at 18 is NOT the person they were at 25. It is difficult enough for two people close in age to survive this period when they are going through it together. Imagine if only one person was changing, and the person at the other end of these 4 to 5 years was completely different then they were when the relationship began. Clearly, that kind of evolution in values and temperament and goals could seriously challenge a relationship.
Even among people past this age, a difference in age can cause a HUGE difference in values and goals.( I will say that after about 21 I'm all for people dating whoever they damn well please, regardless of age, by the time you can drink you are certainly old enough to risk your heart however you'd like as well)
Think of this situation: A twenty-five year old man and a thirty-five year old woman. They both want a family, but the man is still in school, and not certain what his career will be. He knows when he graduates he wants to focus on that career for a a few years, and not have kids right away. The woman on the other hand has been working for about 10 years now. Her career is in a good place, and all the medical information she reads tells her that if she wants to get pregnant, she should do it before she turns 38 or it gets dangerous. Compromise is a pretty word, but in big life decisions, it's not always an acceptable plan.
Those are the sorts of real problems that occur in relationships with huge age differences. Obviously, some couples wont experience them, but they are the reason that even when you are an adult, people will advise you against dating someone where there is a huge age difference, and it will be good advice, even if you decide not to take it, and live happily ever after with someone 15 years older than you.
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