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My boyfriend's ex and surprise
Alright, my boyfriend and I love each other a lot and then a few days ago his ex calls him. He doesn't know why she wants to talk to him because he hasn't seen her in ten years. She won't tell him over the phone, so yesterday he went to go meet her for coffee.
He has a daughter. She's almost ten and all she wants for her birthday is to meet her father.
I'm not calling my boyfriend a lier because he never knew about his ex girlfriend being pregnant, and I don't think he's lying to me about that because we've always had a very open and honest relationship. He already told me he wants to stay with me, and that his having a daughter changes nothing between us.
My worry is, what if his daughter wants him and her mom to get back together? I'm freaking out about that. I know he loves me, but I know (even if he never knew about her) that his prioreties put his daughter before me. I'm okay with that, but I don't want to lose him.
I'm afraid to bring it up with him because it's still a sore subject. He went to go meet her today, and honestly I'm just freaked out. Could someone give any advice on how to calm down and maybe stop worrying over this?
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His daughter will be happy enough to just have a father, and even if she wants her parents back together he's not going to go running back to a woman he doesn't love because of a request a child he just met (although fathered) made. You're taking this situation extremely well, but he's yours. Don't worry.
And even if the timeline fits, maybe your boyfriend should consider a paternity test.
-Jasmine
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if the daughter wanted them to get back together . . . its not really her choice. their either in love or not. and as you said ,he wants to stay with you ,so im guessing theyre not. but basicly what im saying is dont worry about it. theres a reason there not together anymore. the past is the past. im sure everything will be fine.
-rachel. (:
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Let him meet his daughter once by himself.. now if he wishes to continue seeing his daughter he should do a dna test and get some sort of rights. he will have to pay child support. but she will be able to meet you.. if he loves you he isnt going to leave you for his ex.
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First off, him having a daughter does change things between you and him. I'm not saying he lied to you about that, he probably just doesn't realize it yet. However, it's best that you realize it right now:
If he wants to be in this child's life, that will change EVERYTHING about his life. Everything. Not just his priorities, but it could affect his housing, his income, his job, his hobbies... and yes, his relationship with you.
You can't avoid that change, you can only stay open to it, and keep talking it through. Don’t let him pretend it doesn’t change things between you. Boys can say silly things like that sometimes without thinking it through: Remind him that is does change things, but that’s okay, and you two will deal with the changes.
If his daughter DOES wants Daddy and Mommy back together, tough shit. Like so many children, she will learn to deal with that disappointment. The thing you can do is encourage your boyfriend to be honest with his little girl, in terms she can understand, and not to lead her on or give her false hope. This world is not magically altered by what a 10 year old wants. If it was, we’d all have pet unicorns.
Children are surprisingly resourceful and adaptive. If her Daddy tells her calmly and lovingly that he is not going to get back together with her Mommy, she will eventually believe him (if she even cares! She might not give a damn.) Children often just want their parents together because it’s part of what makes them feel loved and secure. If your boyfriend can make her feel plenty loved and secure without that, it’s less likely to matter. Talk to your boyfriend about your fear. It will also help him to be on guard against it, and to be clear from the start that he is around for his daughter, not his daughter’s mom.
That’s the most important part of all: TALK. Ask questions. Share your thoughts.
Don’t demand to meet the mom or the child. Not for a few weeks at very, very least.
Give advice, but let your boyfriend make up his own mind about how to deal with this. Until first contact has been made, and there is some plan for further contact between him and his daughter, your job is to butt out, and be a calm and sensible sounding board for him. It’s a damn hard job, but if you are good at it, everyone will thank you for it. Maybe even his daughter some day.
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Calm down, First off keep in mind it has been 10 years. Not only do people get on with their own lives, but he is with you and not with her. If you two love each other and have as opened of a relationship as you say you do than you need to trust him. After 10 years, He has moved on with his life and she has moved on with hers. Do you even know if she is married? or even seeing someone? Don't jump to conclusions it will only make you more paranoid than you already are. The little girl wants to meet her father, Nothing unusual there. Don't worry unless there is actually a reason to worry. Relax, It will be just fine.
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You have nothing to worry about. This happens all the time and it doesn't mean he is going to leave you. She just wants to meet her dad, thats all. Even if she wants her mom and her dad to get back together I think she's old enough to realize that can't happen and most likely thats not even on her mind. If he loves you he isn't going to leave you just cause his daughter wants him to. Just be supportive and be there for him, and if you guys are really serious offer to meet her.
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