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VERY LONG BUT PLEASE HELP. IF POSSIBLE MATURE MEN AND WOMEN HELP PLEASE!
ok, this is long but please help me.
my parents were out of the country and I had to rely on ppl for help and rides to work/school/food to eat (mainly my boyfriend of 2 yrs) but anyways 1day i havent ate all day and i got off work @ 2am and asked him to take me to the local fast food place.he refused. he know i didnt eat but he was mad. he says i always eat late and he cant do it for me no more. i was mad. i didnt understand why it is a problem if you know i am starving and havent eaten all day. i thought if he loved me he wouldnt want to see me hungry. so i asked to speak with him, but that didnt turn out so good. in the end, i asked for a break in the relationship and we didnt talk for 8 days. then i called him to speak again.
i asked hin do he understand why i was mad, then he explained his side of the story. we both understood each other and we comprimised. i asked him, "so what do you want to do know" he said he needs a break to think about things. another week goes by, no talking. so yesterday i called him and said. "this is childish, i dont like the break things, either you want to be with me or not, you dont need 2weeks to think of this if you really loved me" then he said. NO!! he dont
then i was very ladylike and said ok, thank you. that is all i wanted to know.
hours later, my uncle (who is very close to me and him) asked him why. his reason is that i am hard headed, and i make excuses so i wont have to do anything (such as walking 8 blocks down the street but instead i ask him for a ride) i feel that those reasons are bogus and can easily be resolved.
the reason this hurts me so bad is b/c he was my first BF and the one who took my virginity. before then, i never trusted men b/c i was molested when i was younger for 3 years by a family friend. he knows this and he is the only one. nobody knows about my past but him. i told him why i am the way i am before our relationship. i told him i am a roomantic but is have a very strong personality and i never let go of a battle/arguement b/c i dont ever want to feel defeated ever again.
i think this can be easily fixed but he does not want to. i want to be with him. what do i do. what do you think
p.s. the reason i was pissed off was b/c i felt what he did was insensitive and he always does things like that. he depends way too much on his mom (which i liked at first but it hinders him from growing as a person) he purposely picks me up late from work, he does not show any emotions, and he does not go out with me but will go out with his friends(like movies, parties, etc.)
please tell me what i should do, but do not be overboard mean and harsh. i am very sensitive right now..
i am 20 he is 21.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Okay Im going to tell it as it is:
yes, he should care about you because you both have been dating for 2 years, but at the same time, you are 20 years old, and you have a job. You should very well be able to take it upon yourself to buy yourself groceries and be able to walk 8 blocks to the store if needed. There are buses that can take you, and since you are 20 and have a job and an uncle, you should get your license if you dont have it, buy a car, or ask your family member to help you. Its not that people dont want to help you, its just that when somebody that is capable of being grown up and helping themselves doesnt take responsibility, it can get to be a bit of a hassle. I dont really blame your boyfriend for not wanting to get up at 2am to drive you to a fast food place, when you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself. I take it that you have been living this way for a while, so how about going to the grocery store, and buying a sandwhich or something for you to pack to bring with you to work, this way nobody is inconvenienced. :-) Im sorry if that was harsh, Im just trying to help. As for your boyfriend, try to be more sensitive to him. It may seem to him like all of his needs are going unheard of, because he is taking care of you all the time. Go out of your way to do something special for him, and try to be a little more understanding, you two will get along so much better. Just give him space and time, and appologize for being so needy lately, accept responsibility, that will ease his mind of thinking of you as a hard headed person.
Good luck! If you want to talk, Im here for you!
xosodapopx3
Im really glad I helped you, it makes me feel good :-). We are only humans, its important to remember that. With that said, moving onto the bag issue! :-) I know exactaly what you mean when they want to prevent theft, something you can do is ask if they will allow you to buy a clear plastic bag, which costs maybe 3 dollars (for a bunch of them) at the store. If you cant get one to buy, you can most definately ask someone (any friend or family) if you can have one, I guarantee you they will be most giving. The bag can be reused, and you can keep your lunch in there, and since its clear they can see everything inside of it. Good luck!!!
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You should take a deep breath and learn how to be okay without him. Perhaps seek some counselling so you can improve the way you handle conflict and become more considerate to your partner.
You can't make him want to work on the relationship. He's thrown in the towel. He's been very clear. He’s said, straight up, that he doesn’t love you. I’m sorry to be so direct about it, but it really doesn’t get any clearer than that. It sounds like he is simply finished with this relationship.
His reasons are his reasons, and it's unfair and judgemental to call them bogus. It's disrespectful to the way he feels. It's true that many guys don't show emotions the way women would like them too, but still have them, and this guy feels used, abused and neglected by you. Even just from this question, I can’t help but imagine you are rather demanding of him, and he obviously didn’t like it. It’s also pretty clear that you weren’t terribly happy with his behaviour either.
Demanding he re-examine his reasons and give it another chance, is just going to be continuing the whole problem of making demands of him and trying to change him by force. Instead of that, take a deep breath, and take care of yourself for a while. In my opinion, you two sound like a poor match: You don’t seem to be offering what the other needs. But regardless of my opinion, if you don’t back off now, you two will probably never be able to be even civil to one another again. You both need a serious cooling down period if you are going to be able to address any of the past in a respectful way. During that cool down period, work on your own behaviour and mental health. Even if there is no future for you with this guy, you’ll be glad you did.
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