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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I'm 12 year old female(?)...let me explain.

Ever since I was young, like in pre school I thought like a man. In pre school i bonded with females, but boys just seemed to get me more. I played with trucks, liked to destroy, never broke into my mom's make up, etc. In kindagarten, I didn't care about my appearance and I liked digging up worms. I didn't care about my looks and never felt I fit in with my gender. Girls, they like to be neat, I don't. And now, it just gets stronger. I'm constantly being reminded to "act like a girl". I've always tried but it was always awkward. I played with barbies but I tried my best to turn them male, and preferred making action figures fight. I liked video games that men were supposed to like. It's more than being a tomboy though. If you're a tomboy, you like sports and stuff, but you still think like a girl. Not me, my thought process, personality, interests...match a boy. I did like pink, but mainly because I noticed the difference between me and female counterparts and tried doing pink to fit in better. Now I prefer blue, and red. I'm sick of being treated like a girl when I don't feel like one. I always get handed the "girly" stuff when I want the manly stuff. I'm always watching myself to be a girl. And when I don't watch myself for a while, people laugh and point and get supprised. I look female, but I'm not. Once I wore boy clothed and I felt nicer than i ever have in female clothing. And ever since Caitlyn Jenner happened, idk, I finally had a name for it. I started a conversation on transgenders to my mom. Here's how it went:
Me: mom did you hear about Caitlyn Jenner?
Mom: yes.
Me: why do you think people change genders?
Mom: well, it's just- you're not thinking about that are you?
Me: no (lie)
Mom: phew. I could NOT handle that.
Fastforward for a few months, on vacation while I was trying to go to sleep I heard her on the phone saying something like "ugh. He was the greatest athlete in the world and now he's a women. He's wearing dresses and got implants. It's disgusting, I mean come on! You're a man, you should know better than that.
I'm scared to come out. But I want to be a boy! It's simple, it's who I am. I just know it. How should I go about this?

Oh, how scary for you to have a mother who has voiced her disgust and bias's against transgender people. On a positive note though, some people who react this way initially will truly change their views and become supportive when these kinds of issues hit close to home or in the family. What can she do, she is your mother and she loves you. She may out of inexperience on the subject assume you are a girl inside and always will be simply because she lacks knowledge on the subject. ITs not a discussion of sexual preferance as in gay or bi sexuals but gender orientation and therefore a young child can know what gender they identify with long for puberty because its not a sexuality based concern. Your mother is going to need a support group and dad and other family too if there are any. She'll need to have other parents of transgender children to talk to in order to make it thru the difficulties of you and your family being in the position of learning how to deal with this properly.
This isn't something you can hide for much longer because if not already, your body will enter puberty soon and the distress of having your body change more into the sex gender you don't feel you are is devastating and many young people want the sex change therapy long before a Dr. will okay it and the time during that change is traumatic enough that many commit suicide. Then there's the inacceptance of peers when they make a change and vicious hateful teasing or even bodily threats from misunderstanding people which can lead to the same and this is transgenders who may have family support. You are going to need all the help you can get and while I may be supportive, I truly have no idea how to really help you and steer you in the right direction but other Trans. people would know. Maybe not every one of them but there will be others who have gone thru the coming out and may know of support groups for parents that they can mention to you, and how to deal with peers, etc...

So I am suggesting you look on line for 'transgender support groups'. Thats what you put in the search and I would join as many as you can and begin to befriend people and ask questions.

I will post a few of the links in hits that came up and you can on your own search for more. In the end, this is something that you either find the best way to share with family now so you can go through your later teen years as the gender you feel inside or you wait until you are an adult if you even make it that far, to make the switch yourself. I'd go for doing it sooner than later, less emotional damage along the way.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Transgender/support-group

http://www.iamtransgendered.com/SupportGroups.aspx

And most important for you with dealing with Mom is this link to a listing of support groups by state, for parents of transgender children of any age from preschool to adult age.
http://www.transgenderchild.net/resources/support-groups/

good luck and blessings to you.

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can someone help me find other pictures of this girl? PLEASE? I really want to do her hairstyle, but i need at least a front view. please help me find her... another picture? her name? PLEASE AND THANK YOU

http://fortheloveofemo.tumblr.com/post/127938099513

I tried images on google and yahoo and couldn't find the same photo. But I did get the largest variety of photos of girls haircuts in similar styles when I put in a search for 'girls emo comb over buzzed hair'.
If you put comb-over and buzzed together in your search you'll have a better chance of finding pics you like or may even like better.
Good luck.

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I have read about walmart hair policy. But I just don't get the concept of us not being able to dye it a colorful color beside the "normal" color. We have the right to express ourselves but we are limited! Why can't we dye our hair in colors besides the "normal" hair color.

There are many companies that require a dress code and its one thing they go over in an interview letting a people they want to hire know about so they can decide if they wish to conform to the dress code or not. If before hiring they had not specifically mentioned any dress code, you would need to ask what is the proper dress code for this company and it should have been written out in the usual paperwork and manuel one is given when starting a job. as long as you were told before hand, they have the right to have a dress code that includes hair color and piercings and tattoos besides type of clothes. When its a service industry, often the store is concerned about their clienteles reaction to the look of staff and do not want to lose business due to the look of employees. If it is a shop like Old Navy or something that caters to the younger crowd and no one ages 40 and up would shop there, then it is more likely the managers find it acceptable, the colorful hair, spikes or mohawks, and piercigs/tattoos as the clientele are more of the age group who dress the same.
I had a daughter get an eye brow piercing around the time she was looking for work. I told her it was better to hold off on it until she can find a job and discover if they will allow that. She was desperate for a job but time she interviewed with Victoria's Secret, the fancy ladies lingerie store. Since this store pulls in a wide age range of people, even up to senior citizen age, they had a more conservative policy. they loved my daughter but told her that she would have to be willing to lose the piercing to get the job. She did take it out, just a week after getting it cus the job was more important. So it ended up a waste of her money.
Sometimes, a company may experience too many negative complaints or comments and freak out and suddenly add or change the companys dress policy after an employee was already working there but this would have to be a company wide thing, addressed to all that as of such and such date, due to issues with customers, mini skirts will no longer be allowed.
I worked somewhere where the hem of a skirt or dress had to end at least 2 inches above the knee. HR called my Manager who called me into his office to explain he got a complaint about the length of my skirt hem. I told him I knew the policy and had measured my hem to be sure it was allowed and then used a ruler to hold up against me to prove it. He apologized and told me it had been brought up to him by his superior to check it out. I could have been angry and felt picked on but since I knew of the policy, I understood some clothing items might visually trick the eyes into thinking they are longer or shorter by the cut, style and pattern of fabric.
So keep in mind that in most circumstances, it is not about limiting your ability to self expression that is the reason for these policies, the reason is for company image and impact on customers. I've worked places where I had to wear a navy top of any basic style and grey pants...that was the dress code you agreed to. Some places my husband worked had uniforms or at least a company issued shirt he had to wear. think of Fed Ex or UPS for example. Medical clinic require a standard nurses or med assistant smock in style but today one can wear any print or color instead of just white, having only that for self expression.
My suggestion is, that if the color and style of your hair is more important to you than where you earn your paycheck, then keep checking around until you find a company that doesnt mind the self expression in hair, piercings or tattoos. I am a customer at several stores where almost all the employees seem to be age 30 or younger and almost all have the uncommon hair colors or cuts and ton's of piercings and lots of tattoos. I have no problem with it. As long as they are efficient at cashiering or directing me to a section, I am fine. I realize their looks doesnt affect service, and I am from an older generation but not all people my age bracket or older get that and since the bottom line with a company is getting the biggest customer base and largest income possible, unfortunately it still applies.

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I should probably know this given that I'm over 18!
So I am abit confused because I (thought) I'd broken my hymen because I've had intercourse with a few guys one being my boyfriend.
BUT he has trouble 'getting it in' each time we try to have sex. And I was to drunk with the first guy to remember what happened.

So I had a look and like theres loads of skin where the vagina should be with a tiny hole at the bottom. I'm SO confused because I thought it had broken? Can it grow back since its been a few months since I've had sex?

Also is this a silly thing to go to the doctor about?

Thanks

I need you to visualize something to understand what may be going on. There is the normal vagina and there is whats called a septate hymen which you may have. To understand better, imagine an empty toilet paper tube with pantyhose stretched over the end. The tube is the vagina and the hoseiry is the hymen. Now imagine a small circle cut out of middle of pantyhose, smaller than the circumferance of the tube (vagina). this remaining skin around circumferance is the hymen and like elastic it stretches, doesnt Pop like a balloon. If new elastic/rubber band that hasn't been slowly stretched out is stretched beyond its limits quickly at first, it can tear. These tears are caused by an average size male forcing his way in too soon or someone bigger than used to now doing the same. Even experienced long time lovers can find their own personal lubricant low or missing and the friction then pulls at the skin of the male and female and can cause soreness and non visual beginnings of tears in the tender tissues that may just look pinker or redder than normal. Using a store bought lube can prevent this as soon as one feels it happening.
As with elastic bands in clothes that get stretched out, once stretched out, you can't make the hymen go back to its original tightness. The only tightness one may feel is if the female had learned to exercise her vagina muscles and squeeze them to create that tight feeling for her and her partner.
Now for a septate hymen, it would be one where instead of cutting one hole center, you cut two much tinier ones on each side leaving a strip of pantyhose going down the center of the circle. In essence, a female can have 2 openings of equal or more likely unequal sizes. These openings can be too small for most males to fit and trying to force ones way in results in great pain and tearing with lots of bleeding but the skin is still in place. I'd never heard of it before but have found it becoming a more common occurrence these days in young women...I don't know why.
If you continue to try and it still doesn't work, then yes, you may have to go see a doctor and I've heard its easily taken care of by an office visit, numbing the area and Dr. snips that extra strip of skin down the middle, away to leave one larger opening. From reading on line young females stories, recovery and healing is really quick with no lasting pain after the procedure, at least, so I've read. So if this is your problem, its not going to go away and I wouldn't wait for my next yearly visit unless that happens to occur in the next month or so. Otherwise make an appt. and tell Dr. what the problem is, that you are not a virgin. There is the possibility since you were drunk and didn't remember and the first guy may have been smaller than average in circumference that he was able to force his way in and due to being so drunk you were relaxed plus unable to really feel any pain/discomfort. You can search online too for photos of septate hymens to get an idea what they look like.

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I have a box of contact lenses left (from my old prescription) that are -0.25 lower than my current prescription (Older: -1.75; Newer: -2.0)-- I use Acuvue Oasys 2-week lenses. Is it okay to use the older lenses and then switch to the current prescription once those have run out? Will this have any effect on my current prescription?

If you had a new check up with no change in sight, then it would be okay to use any lenses you haven't used. Once you get a stronger prescription for your contacts, you need to dump the old ones and use the new ones. I used to wear contacts too and hated the idea of tossing good contacts I'd paid for but if they are too weak, not sharp enough in vision, then why wear them to try to save money. I quickly realized as I thought about it that most check ups are once a year or every other year and upgrades in glasses or contacts insureance only pays for every two years so I was always given a 2 year supply if my coverage covered that many, sometimes I had some to pay out of pocket. So if I took my old contacts to use, delaying getting into my new ones by lets say 6 mos. then once I start taking my new ones, I have only 18 instead of 24 mos before my next appt where i might need a change again to a different prescription meaning that by time 2 yrs is up and I have my new ones, I will still have 6 months of the ones I delayed taking, still left. I realized I would always be in the same predicament so it made no sense to take the old ones, just toss em and start the new ones. I hope this helps you decide.

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I'm playing Canon in D on piano for a wedding on Saturday, and a few months ago the bride had 3 songs she wanted me to learn to play while the guests arrive.

Summer got busy, and I can't read notes, so in order to learn them I have to know the song well enough to figure it out and/or either watching someone else play it 20 times or watching a tutorial on youtube. So it was pretty hard...

She asked me if I could play one song I've known for years so it isn't a problem, and if I could learn Beautiful by A-kon which I did and my mother (A very, very good pianist before she got arthritis) says I play both of those and Canon in D very well.

But as for the other songs...

Married life from Up, which for some reason I really struggled with and after only managing to learn the first part as of last week I had to tell her I wouldn't be able it play it. (which is strange because I've learned much harder songs in a lot less time)

The other song, which I'd never heard of before until she sent me a link to it, I never could find a tutorial for, and is on the more difficult side so I told her I'd try, but with the wedding so close I wont be able to learn it in time(at least not all of it).

She was very nice about it and said not to worry and to play what I can, but I feel terrible...because months ago I told her I could learn them and now here I am only able to play one.

So I was thinking of other things I could play, the rehearsal dinner is on Friday, so I was thinking if I can get something good enough that if she had time she could listen to it/them and if she liked it I could play it in place of those two songs. To kinda make up for it I suppose... There is no hope for me to learn those two in less than a week, so I'll have to improvise.

I have two options, and I need your advice on what to do in this situation and which of these ideas I should follow through with or any alternate idea you have.
[I don't know the Bride very well, and the Groom is a friend of my older brothers(who is also in the wedding) so I know him but again, not very well.]

Okay option 1: (easiest but not as creative,)
So I already know a couple songs all the way through that may be suitable for wedding background music, the songs I have in mind being Terrible Things by Mayday Parade and/or Hello by Evenescence, they are both really pretty but have sad lyrics so if I just played them on piano they might be okay. Anyway, I could play those instead if she likes them.

Option 2: (the much more creative, harder and probably better idea)
Create a medley. Now I have a habit of starting something and loosing interest and not finishing it, so I know a lot of parts to random songs that I never finished learning/writing. I was thinking I could make a medley including the part of Up I know so that way she'd still be able to hear at least part of it. The problem with this is that the only parts of songs I can fully remember how to play are:

The begining/verses of Someone Like You and Set Fire to The Rain - Adele

Half the begining part of Married Life from Up(about 45 secondish worth, but I could repeat it a couple times)

About a minute or so long melody I made up a while ago that people seem to like

and up until the "don't let them in don't let them see" line of Let it Go from Frozen.

If another song is simple enough I could probably learn another part of something too...

So I really want to make the medley, but have never done so before and these songs don't exactly all mesh well.

I can do it, but it might not turn out very well...






So after A TON of rambling that I apologize for and I thank anyone who actually read it all, what I need is advice on how to go about this and if I do the medley what is the best way I could go about it with those songs and be able to perfect it by Friday...


Any advice is greatly appreciated, Thank you all!

Kinda depends on whether your given license to chose a style of song or if the bride is for the most part wanting certain songs and you to fill up the rest with certain same style songs. Obvious the lyrics don't come into play here so no matter what the lyrics were, sad, hateful or happy, its the melody that will count.

You've got little time and its going to be hard work but i understand the need for one song to blend in well to the start of the next hopefully in same key, I am picky about that in making up my playlists on my computer to listen to. I did listen again to the songs by Adele and those are slow, smooth and happy romantic in style whereas switching to the style of Married Life is too different, at least to my ears. Good song but too bouncy happy. It works maybe played by itself somewhere in the wedding maybe during the reception but in a medley with the first two...I wouldn't even try.

I went to the internet putting in a search for most common wedding songs and have a link for you to try to get ideas. Just scroll down to the part on you need as its split up by parts of the wedding, begining, walk down aisle, reception for a few examples:

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-songs

You didn' say you were in charge of supplying all the music, from whats played as the guests arrive to the reception or if you have just one spot in all the music to be played maybe just middle of their ceremony like when they light a unity candle or something like that. So maybe this site will help.
If you want some piano pieces that sound beautiful, and would fit with Adeles melodies in a wedding perfectly, Yiruma a Korean pianist is a favorite of mine and heres one of the pieces "River flows through you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG9KSWYg-Jc

and next one of my favorites that sound like a wedding song to me is "Kiss the Rain." which may be a bit harder to play than the 1st depending on your skills. Just guessing based on a daughters skill playing these songs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjAyIzoAA_Q

Other ideas would be romantic songs from movies like Titanics My Heart will go on:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3K5vmUr540

There are many piano tutorial songs showing keys played which I think would help you to playing the portions you want and can be found on you tube. I went looking more out of curiousity.

Here's one I liked, "Bad Meets Evil"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0RNC4YhMGA

then I found the song "All of Me" which if you play a portion of it, could then lead easily into River Flows in you, if you are good at learning to play in different key to help the flow of one to another.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjGYNdN3AQs

Good luck with it.

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Okay so like me and my high school ex boyfriend are seeing each other on once or twice on a monthly basis since april 2014 ntil now august 2015 but before that we broke up twice and then startd speaking last year..Wen we together everything is so perfect i could see that he changed from how he use to be when we dated coz now he would be more of a boyfriend type,cuddling,holding my hand,gets excited to see me etc to speaking to each other almost everyday whole day eventhough we are just friends,he kept on hinting bout wanting a baby or asking me when am i gettin married or telling me that im showing of his property cause im wearing tight tops and yes we do have sex he would always say things like i can get attached to him or i can use hm for sex and he will save me if i had to die bt he wil die instead and he cand he can show me the world and i use to tell hm about all the guys who liked me or had a thing with and then he would gve me advice or tell me i should wear alot of clothes so they cant see anythng and he would tell me bout the girls who likes him and who he kisses...but now all of a sudden this month (august) it feels as if things have change like me drifting coz we went from speaking to each other everday to hardly ever speaking or just sometimes,and when me do chat he dont reply to me,bt he gets and reads the msgs and then replies whenever,i saw him saterday 22aug and i could see by his actions that he missed me as much as i missed him..i then send hm a few msgs to say thank you for the nice night but he ddnt respond and he always use to afta i saw him,i then send hm another few msgs and then he told me "such a tripper you are" yesterday i send hm msgs bt he ddnt reply again and then this morning i send hm a msg and then he's response was "Why so lastag lately" and then i just said sorry for being being so lastag and bothering you nd he mst enjoy his day,dont thnk he will reply anytime soon...a few weeks before i saw hm he just went missing in action well he was online and stuf just neva spoke to me and when i askd hm whats wrong he said he just feels like being alone lately and then we started speaking again almost everyday and then i saw him saterday and when i did it was nice as always cause i told him i miss him and then he randomly asked what im doing his thinking bout going home but thought about the woman who misses hm if i feel like seeing him so i said yes and then he fetch me.told me i dont love him anymore cause i dont greet or give him a hug..neither of us has moved on yet i asked hm if hes gna tell me if he has a gf one day and jhen he said probably yes but he dont think he will feel anythng for anyone anymore and he sometimes bring up old memories of us or ask questions like how do i think we would turn out if we had to meet for the 1st time or whats my favourite part bout wen 2gther or having sex cause to him the first kiss is always the best he asked me what do i want in a guy and then i tld hm i want some1 who knws what they want and do smallthngs like go to tha beach or park and then he told me he knws what he want and kissed me and the following week we went to the park..he even asks me if i can go shopPing for hm cause he dont have time and stuf...im so scared of losing him eventhough we not yet official,i love him so much if he dnt hear from me for a while eventhou i keep on sending him msgs he would randomly send a msg and ask if im still alive...but this month i dont knw why the sudden change why he dont wana speak to me anymore or reply to my msgs i miss him and i miss speaking to hm like we use to..my friends told me to let him go,just back off and if he cares he will show up again..its so hard not speaking to him i really dont know what to do i really dont cause i dont want to lose hm..it been a year and four months that we spending time together and we jst friends but wen we 2gther its like we are meant to be and to think we broke up twice before that ..do you think that therz a possibility he got tired of me or that he moved on and dont want to tell me..he has never lied to me before and when he hangout with his friends he would tell me cause the friday he told me he was with family and saterday before i saw hm he said he was suppose to do somethng with hs dad but hs not goin his rather going to chill smoke weed and play facebook poker and then i saw him the night and we smoked 2gther...i really ddnt mean to b a nuicense and bother him bt nw he alreadi thinks that i am..what do i do,i cnt eat or sleep..i dont wana loose him oot again..just dnt understand why the sudden change this month..why is he acting so,what do you think? The nli girl hs been seeing is me did he move on mayb! Did he get bored of me? If he wantd space why didnt he tell me" why dont he wana reply to my msgs and only does it weneva? Should i back of for a while and wait till he shows up and then wen i see him i should talk to him about it cause when he dropped me at home he said see you next time so im hoping that thers gona b a next time..I realy ddnt meant to.. bother hm and be lastag just wntd to speak to hm..mayb its my own fault or may im just tripping..need advice on what to that..what do u think bout this situation
Please help me why might he be acting so this month is there a chance that we might get back together mayb or will it just lead to anther dissapointment by the looks of it or am i just overthinkin things heavy and mayb he just wants space and everythng wil b fine and il see hm again like he said

I've seen your post before, sometime in the last week or two maybe. Surprised to see it again.

All I can say in short without repeating it all again is that 'communication' is the key here. Good communication can prevent or cure any misconceptions, misunderstandings, assumptions, confusions and fears and wondering what the other meant, etc...

It sounds like he isn't really telling you whats on his mind, what thoughts he has that are bothering him and neither are you. You both may think you are communicating well but from what I've read so far, I'm led to beleive that most of your conversation is superficial or at the very best, surface level like 'how was your day at work, how come you didn't text last night" and a shrug for an answer, or having the finger pointed at someone else or you as the problem or issue is not good communication skills. Your current generation grew up with iphones, and tablets and even a lap top is ancient technology to you. I was around and grew up when there was no cells, no pc's and we actually learned to communicate face to face with friends as we saw them, not over distance by cells, and todays generation was robbed of the experience of knowing how to hold a normal face to face conversation with anyone so that now universities are offering classes to teach students how to communicate.
It is vital that the two of you learn some effective communication skills before your other relationship issues have a chance of being solved. You can't make him learn, you can only suggest it. But hunt at the libary or in bookstores for books on learing how to communicate effectively with others. Ask the librarian or clerk for what you are looking for. Search you tube for video's that explain how to do so. With good communication, at best you will solve all your issues with him and both realize you just didn't understand each other but do now...or one of you or both may discover now that you are communicating effeciantly that the two of you are not right for each other at all, no matter what feelings your heart has, and that it is better to split up peacefully and move on to find the one who is right for you. Hope this helps you.

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I'm 21 and earlier this year I ended my relationship with my (now) ex-fiance who I'd been living with for 2 and a half years.

I've started dating somebody new who I've been on two dates with. We really hit it off and it's crazy how well we just "click" compared to the other guys I've gone on dates with. After our second date he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend like officially and of course I said yes.

Now his parents want to meet me this coming Thursday which I feel like is a little fast but I really really like him so I don't mind terribly. To be honest I've never fallen so hard for somebody before in my life and the feelings seem to be mutual by the things he says and how fast he wanted me to meet his parents.

Anyways, my real question is how many times is considered normal to see your boyfriend a week?
Like I said, I was living with my ex for two and a half years so I got used to seeing him everyday and now I feel weird because I want to see my new boyfriend more frequently than I am and when I don't see him for more than two days I start to feel distant and get a little irked.

Is that normal? Probably not right? How can I keep my mind off of him and decrease my feelings for him a little bit so I don't feel so attached?

I feel a little overwhelmed because I also work full time and I'm a pre-med college student so to have him on my mind so much is driving me kind of crazy.

There's a problem I have with answering your question and just giving you a number. I get caught up on the word "Normal". See, the thing about 'normal' is that one persons 'normal' is not the same as someone elses normal. Take someone born with a birth defect. If they have to willpower to find ways to do things that everyone else without the defect have, then they are not really missing anything. If someone were to ask them, "Don't you ever wish you had a normal life?" The first thought would be, "My life is normal, cus this is the only life I've ever had. I wasn't raised to think I had a disability."

You admitted you had something previous to compare the new guy to, someone you lived with and therefore saw more often. It was a different situation and can not be used to measure whether your current relationship is normal. Even people shouldn't be compared to other people and just loved for who they are, whatever similarities there may be but dont have to be, and for any of their differences, for their uniqueness as an individual. It is when people start comparing to try to measure one thing as better than another that we can run into trouble. Are blondes better than brunettes, are guys who had only sisters as siblings better than guys who had brothers or no siblings. Are guys who stick religiously to health foods and a daily exercise routine better as a boyfriend than those who don't? NO, not better as an individual in how they treat others, but one may in the long run end up being in better health than those who eat junk food and do little exercise.

You did say you are a full time worker and also a college student. That alone is a full schedule. So if not eating and sleeping in the same place, yes, you are not going to see him as often based on just your schedule. Add in his schedule, what ever it is and it complicates whatever free time you have together. That can be a strain on any relationship. The stress of your schedule has to go somewhere. You need an outlet, something you do, a hobby that helps you to feel sane, able to release your stress or calm down. Perhaps that is what the previous boyfriends job was. Now that you dont live with him, you miss having the outlet of a boyfriend to de-stress with. Its just my wild guess dear and may not be at all the case. But if I am on the right track, you may not have consciously realized it yet, but subconsciously you have a need for a partner with whom you can unwind, someone to help you unwind and de-stress and you fear that seeing him only once or twice a week isn't going to be enough for you.
He needs to be needed and wanted for who he is, how he treats you and seems to be like the other half of you, not solely for being someone to lean on. That I am sure you know and it never entered your mind that you might be coming across as needy when so concerned about how often you see him. Again, that point of perspective may not be valid at all and I apologize if so.
So what other reason could there be to be so concerned over what should be the average amount of time you spend together, and what works for you both? Here I will share a bit of my story: I was on a dating site after a divorce when my now husband wrote me. From his first letter, something clicked. I talked to him on the phone two days later and we chatted every night for a week until midnight before meeting briefly in person during his breaktime as a delivery driver in same area as I worked as a caregiver. We met for 20 min. during his break and before I was due at my 2nd clients. He had been leery about dating as he had a teen daughter many women so far wouldn't date him because of. But biggest was the fact he was working 12 hour days Mon to Fri and working Sat. mornings as well at his job. Everyone was worked to death. So all he had was from basically 8 pm until bedtime to spend with me if a weekday and only part of Sat. and all day Sunday. We clicked right from the start and his daughter liked me. We tried to date while keeping our separate places to live and our schedules. It meant we really could not get any quality time together, and certainly not often. He knew right off the bat that I was the one and fell in love with me, telling me early on that he was in love with me. Usually when that happens too early in the game, the person is likely clingy and a needy person. You have to look for some solid independance, confidence in them and staying steadfast, not wavering in what they claim to be and stand for in their beliefs and if you can see all that, which I did, I knew i could trust what he told me, that it was for real. We decided that since his hours kept us mostly apart with only long phone calls for contact that it would be better to live together to have a few more hours together. A couple in love will soon do whatever they can, working with their schedules to find the amount of time they feel they need to see each other. I must say that having a loved one to come home to, especially when you've got a heavy load to carry, a tough job, grueling studies for school, is a wonderful thing. We aren't made to be all work and no play. We as humans need time to unwind, enjoy life with someone else and how much of that is needed for one person may vary from the other so its really up to each individual couple to determine what works for them.
Wanting you to meet the parents early on and them wanting to means they are very open people and love to meet others. Anyone their son dates, they will support him in accepting to family gathering and functions. Its perfectly normal. My inlaws from my ex were like that. I am like that for my daughters. One has gone thru 2 husbands and now with a 3rd , the other daughter now on her 5th boyfriend, I welcomed them all as good friends or family to our home and our special get togethers.
When a person really likes someone, is inlove with or in process of falling in love, they want to show off their sweetie to family and friends...that is one of the good signs. Whether you both have the relationship progress quickly or take your time is going to be up to you. I have a feeling that living together is going to be the easier path to having time together if everything works toward that point. In the meanwhile, all you can do is let him know you'd like to see him as much and often as possible and if he has more flex in his schedule, then he may be willing to mold his schedule to fit any open spots in yours. At least for now. I am all for living together cus some things are hard to spot, those deal breakers about staying with someone for life? It's easy to hide if having your own living quarters and meeting for a couple hours on a date but its entirely different when living together...you get to witness ALL of each others different moods to see if you can handle them and if no matter what, they still treat you fair while not feeling up to snuff, and are there any bad character traits and patterns you begin to notice when living together. Its a good way to become sure that you still have the right person for you or not. So don't worry, just enjoy your time together and try to compromise more times together for the sake right now of getting to know each other better.

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Well she lied to me about being 18 and she is 16 and she 2month pregnant and im 27 but i dont think her parents would allow me to to see are kid and plus i think i could get in trouble for this cause its my fault for not asking for id i just didnt think girls do that and i just need help to see if i will in up in jail or can i still take care of them once she has the baby please help Me and this in the state of pa

There is something you need to know about to avoid future mistakes like this. Take the advice about seeing a lawyer ASAP.
What I'd like to share is the main reason behind why she lied about her age and knowingly chose to seek out a boyfriend much older and why you didn't think to check her age or use a condom, etc....

The frontal lobe of the brain matures long after a person's body matures with puberty and becomes capa ble of having sex. The scary thing is that when still immature, this part of the brain which normally controls good judgement, ability to plan well and foresee any possible problems, etc... is unable to do so cus its not fully grown. Scientists have agreed that the frontal lobe isn't usually complete and so our decision making and choices better, until we reach an average age of mid 20s. At 16, she's far from that. Remember I said average age, so some may be late bloomers in the brain maturing department and by 25 not yet capable of making good solid adult decisions yet on their own and I know from a couple of my kids or their friends that mental maturity didn't come into until they were about to hit age 30. You are kind of in between there. Only you can be the judge of whether you still tend to make a lot of bad decisions, not clearly thinking of the possible consequences before making a choice, or if this was the only time you messed up. You might want to find a much older adult, not a peer, but an older adult whom you trust and can be open with to share things like this with BEFORE you make any decisions. the ultimate decision is still your own but you need the help of input from different view points before the fact, not after. So lets say I am the person who knows you well and you knew you could tell me anything without being judged, and you told me you just met a girl you'd like to date and you are also sexually very attracted to her. She has told you she is 18 and you know you are much older. What are my feelings on this. My knowledge of how I was as a teen and all teen and college age struggle with the immature frontal lobe, I would have asked, "How do you know that she is really 18? Do you believe everything you hear or read and take it at face value? Do you believe those crazy tabloids that say some celebrity was imprenated by an alien with a photo of something meant to portray an alien baby and think it must be true cus its in a newspaper, so it must be true??? Yes, there are lots of gullible adults in the world but you don't have to be one of them. I would have suggested you find a way to learn of her age, either taking a peek at her driver license or going to meet her family and then casually asking the parents, "So when did Lindsey graduate?" You'd have known instantly that something was wrong when their puzzled looks at you and response was, "But she has graduated yet, she doesnt for another year and a half. Why do you ask?" It would have been then you could be honest and say "She told me she was 18. And I was interested in dating her. I am so sorry. I will take off and leave her alone, I would not be that dumb to do anything with a minor. You might want to talk to her about this lying about her age thing." then leave. If she couldn't agree to you meeting her folks, then you know something is up. You really need to find someone, parents or other whom you can use as a sounding board, someone you talk to about your day, issues at work, events in your life so that if you dont see a possible situation or problem coming up, this adult can and give you a warning. Eventually and hopefully you will learn how to make better adult decisions. Your first step will be using a lawyer to help you know what to do. To avoid needing a lawyer or having major issues in your life in the future, even if not related to getting someone pregnant, you will want to get the advice beforehand, not afterwards as you have done by writing us.

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sorry if this is long i got some really messed up news recently one of my best mates called me and told me he needed to talk he seemed really urgent so we met at my place and we started talking and he was almost crying and he never cries and just so you know he's a 25 year old 6 foot 6 bodybuilder so seeing him cry was also definitely a sign that something was not right but he told me that about a week ago after a BBQ at my place we both got kind of drunk so i let him sleep on the couch i have a daughter she's 11 and she has a crush on him i thought it was an innocent little girl thing anyway he told me that that he doesn't remember anything but he woke up in her bed with her and they were both naked and that he had taken her virginity then he said that doesn't remember anything but that she said she consented it really didn't seem real it seemed like a really fucked up joke he told that whatever i want him to do he'll do whether that be leave town or turn himself in to the police i really didn't know what to feel whether it be anger or sadness i don't really know i told him to stay right where he was and i went to talk to my daughter and she said that she consented and that she loves him and that she can't imagine being with someone else. so that's what happened i don't know what to do i don't want to send him to prison and be killed or raped because she said that she wanted to have sex with him i can't even describe to you in words typed or in person how conflicted i am. i mean on one had i want to respect her and her decisions but on the other hand I'm her father and have to make sure she is safe and nothing will happen to her but at the same time he's one my best mates and i know she's safe around him so that's why I've put it on here so some may be able to help me. PS i don't know if this helps but I'm from Melbourne Australia

Hey Bud, I've heard this exact same story before. I remember it being somewhere in the last couple months. You make it sound like it happened more recently and I would have guessed you and friend and daughter had all worked something out by now. I remember many writing back that it was part your fault knowing that you were drunk and unable to properly protect your daughter while in that state. I understand your mate was drunk, either hire a cab/taxi to drive him home or have another more sober BBQ attendee drive him home. It would be one thing if you were sober and he was sober. Both of you could have made better decisions. Obviously, the only one in the house not drunk able to make intentional decisions was an 11 yr old girl who is no where near old enough for the age of consent to have sex with anyone, even a boy her age. We know that hormones start puberty in some girls as young as 10, 11 and their immature minds can not differentiate between the kind of real true love between two consenting adults and the puppy love of preteens who due to hormones are starting to feel something and think they are in love and want to have sex. They are too young to make this decision. I assume there is no mother. If her mother was around or even a step mother, do you really think a grown woman would allow a child to crawl into bed with a grown man. No! Not unless that woman has mental illness and is severely cognitively impaired herself. This child, your daughter needs to be taught that crushing is normal when hormones start to flow but to take care of her horniness with masturbating, not sex whereby she can contract disease or become pregnant if she's already got her period. You are the parent, not her and if you want to be raising her and her baby, just continue to allow her to do whatever she wants.

As horrified as your friend was, I am willing to bet that when he has sex, he is only attracted to adult females, not children as he knows that is wrong. And knowing that someone is crushing on him would not even make him want to have sex with a child, not unless he hasn't confided that he craves children that way and is a pedophile. In that case he needs to get treatment.
Knowing how dumb young kids can be, I find it more likely that your daughter took her clothes off and snuck into his bed while he was asleep. Perhaps he sleeps nude. Perhaps while drunk he felt bare skin next to him and somehow removed his own clothes. I highly doubt that he went to your daughters room and tried to seduce her into his bed.
But then again, I wasnt there, neither were you so you could not prove that intercourse occured. Many girls do get raped, many girls that age who believe they are in love with someone will lie and say the man or the boy had sex with them in hopes it would mean that somehow everyone would let them continue to do so now that its already happened. You can't really know if your daughter is telling the truth or not. She may not be in the habit of lying but young minds in all humans are not totally done growing, at least the frontal lobe doesnt finish until we reach our mid 20s. An immature frontal lobe results in impaired judgment, inability in problem solving, not able to foresee ahead any possible consequences to any action. If your daughter had sex with him, did you take her the next day to the hospital for a rape exam? All hospitals have a kit. They check for traces of semen and check what ever else to see if she has been raped. that could have confirmed that it really happened. too late now I think. If this is months later and you haven't come to any decision of how you're going to handle this, then your indecision is going to result in future problems.

I should think one thing is obvious, that the both of you men resolve to never ever drink to the point of losing your faculties and ability for clear thinking ever again because as you see, it can put you in very awkward positions.

Lets say your friend was sober and it was your daughter who saw this as her chance to go sneak into his bed just cus he happened to stay overnight cus it was real late and he real tired. I am not a man but lets turn it around, and say my single mom friend has a 10-12 yr old son who crushed on me and snuck into my bed. If I were sober, I would yell and make a fuss if I could not physically drag him over to his mom and say, your son just snuck into my bed wanting sex. We all need to have a serious talk here as to why this is wrong. See, I wouldn't be able to do that if I was so drunk that i couldn't tell where I was. I might be imagining it was my boyfriend with me, not her 12 yr old son! Next time you have a party or decide to drink, have a limit. the moment you feel the very first bit of impaired motor control as you try to grab your drink and miss, you've already had past your limit. Better yet, at any point that some adults start to linger at your place and keep drinking so you know they might not be able to drive home, start planning who will take them home, who is the designated driver, or call them a cab, or if they are already conked out cold, call one of your daughters friends parents at the last minute, apologize and mention you've had a party and need to put up some guests who got too drunk and hope they can take your daughter overnight for a sleep over. Out of all her friends, there has to be at least one that will work out. this means you need to excuse yourself from your guests presence and go take care of this. You can not trust drunk people to make good decisions and neither can you trust children to make good decisions. The frontal lobe of brain doesnt fully mature until our mid 20s so until then our decision making is impaired, we have difficulty making good decisions, aren't having to foresee possible consequences and have trouble with judging people and situations. Your daughter can't help but be impaired in her thinking due to her age, so the adults need to stay sober to keep things under control and safe for her. Your friend is either a man who did something under the influence of alcohol, thinks he did something under the influence of alcohol or is actually a person who had a problem of wanting sex with kids and needs to go get help. One time doing so under the influence or drug or alcohol, doesnt make him a child predator, it makes him a participant in an unfortunate situation. Does he deserve to spend time in jail for this? I have to say its up to you but in my eyes, and considering the circumstances, I couldn't be sure of what actually happened so I wouldn't hold him responsible. Now if in the future you find him with your daughter, then he should be reported immediately and go to jail. Your biggest problem as a single parent, (i assume since you don't mention a wife in this) is that you get some professional help with handling your pre teen girl. It is normal for girls at this age to gawk at adult men they find handsome, to even crush on them, it happens with almost all teen girls at this age when hormones start flowing. Their body is just starting to develop but they believe they are adult enough to have sex, as well as just simply crush on guys. Young girls who are going through the process of puberty, going from girl to young woman will also have a need for attention from the male family member in her life, a healthy one without the sex, but she has the emotional need to know that she is pretty as a female. this scares most Dads. But mine knew how to handle it well. He gave me hugs when I needed and complimented my new hairstyle or outfit and let me know how pretty I was, but also let her know that all the boys her age are going to find her so pretty that you'll have to be beating them away at the door. this is the reassurance girls need from their DAD. However, some Dads are there physically but not mentally for their daughter or they have a truly absentee father image and so they try to get this need fulfilled by any male they know, other family members, friends of family and male peers her age all because of this natural need. At this age they can not differentiate between what is a normal crushing and a normal males verification with her being pretty , with sex and believe both to be one and the same. It is not so and doesnt need to be for her to feel self confident and good about herself and the changes to her body and to think she is pretty. YOu might read books on the subject but I think you're going to need help cus without a Mom to teach her and hold her in check you are open to a future problem of having a pregnant teen and you'll be raising both her and her child. it will ruin her life. Its not just about your friend but that fact that your daughters thinking that this was okay. Go to a family counselor both you and her as soon as possible. Dont sit and do nothing and just worry about this for another couple of months.

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22 years old, female, in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of about 2 years. Our relationship is serious enough that we are thinking about getting engaging and/or married in the near future but I often have doubts now.

I love him, and I'm sure he loves me as he tells me all the time. My issue? I feel extremely insecure and I have low self-esteem, especially since he is always telling me how hot other girls are, about their bodies, and how much he wants to bang them and drawing comparisons on my body. I don't know if he is oblivious to how it hurts me or if he's even doing anything wrong but I feel like I will show him that I am weak and insecure by bringing up the topic and talking to him about it.

He often tells me I have small boobs, and that he's sad he's going to have to live with them, or wishes he could inflate my boobs and make them bigger. And always talking about how such and such girl has big tits, and what he wants to do to her, etc.

I also don't feel very beautiful, and I don't like having sex with him anymore cause I feel inadequate, I hate my body and I often think he's fantasizing about other women when he's having sex with me (which he kinda confirmed when he jokingly told me the other day that he'll just think about banging his co-workers or something when we have sex with my face down)

Another example, telling me how unbelievably beautiful, and hot his uncle's stepdaughter is a "10/10", and joking that he should just marry her instead and that his uncle told him he should hook up with her.

I don't know, all of this hurts me and confuses me especially when he does he tell me that I'm beautiful or that he loves me because I feel like I'm not beautiful enough, I'm not a 10/10 or sexy enough or enough to keep him interested long term if he'll always be eyeing other girls like that and see something that he can have that is better than me.

I must say 'Run NOW and run fast" and get as far away from this "neanderthal" (as Adviceman put) as you can. I have lots more derogatory words to describe him in. I had an ex like that, someone I married at age 20. I stuck with the man 30 yrs because i was afraid of repurcussions from my church who taught against divorce. It wasn't until I married him that I saw the kind of behavior you are seeing right now without being married yet. So I had no idea it was coming. Unlike you, I didnt have a low self esteem but I was naive and kind dumb due to inexperienc at my age back then. I thought it was simply his personal preferance that I be a redhead instead of brunette and have larger boobs. He criticized everything I did, even when I followed his direction and instruction to reorganize our kitchen the way he said he wanted it. When done...I thought he'd be pleased. He wasnt. He called me an idiot and that this isn't what he wanted and i was stupid, imbecile, a child, idiot, retarded, and the list goes on. You need to learn right now, that a man like that is as you've already been told...a controller. There is mental illness likely behind this as most controllers I've run across either have mental illness or it is diagnosed later in life as it was with my ex. A person like this will be impossible to please to begin with. And I must say the man is cruel and he is loathsome, an Evil creature in the flesh. The reason he puts you down is not because he is right and there is any truth to it, (there isn't) he can beat you down emotionally until you no longer care what he says or does, you will be his puppet and let him control you. He will control not only how you keep house, but what you wear, what you eat, restrain you from going out doing things, say no to visiting your family or friends, no to having any hobbies, basically you must become his robot and do exact as he commands. That is no way to choose to live. Yes, it will be YOUR choice to subject yourself to this kind of life, despite the fact of the other issue that you have low self esteem. A controller subconsciously or knowingly chooses a person who has low self esteem, low self confidence, no confidence, may battle illness or other disorders like anxiety, depression, etc. as they are easier to control and beat down. A confident person would fight back and split up. So in effect...he is a predator as well, having sought you out to control as a way to feed his twisted out of control ego problem he has.
Lets say that you can't stand Thai food. Why on earth would you then eat nothing but that and then complain about the taste and the hotness or not enough meat in the dish? If you don't like Thai, then don't eat it. Same for your guy, if he doesnt like the way you look, then he has no business going after you if it really was all about looks. It isn't. Yes, he may like the girls with different looks but he would never dream of marrying them if he couldn't control them, if they happen to have a fairly decent self esteem and confidence. theyd be too much work to try to beat down and control and he may not be successful.
Also, this is not about Love. A guy like that has something wrong with him internally, he is incapable of knowing love and how to be loving and treat others in a loving supportive caring manner. Why would you want to marry someone who does not love you. His behavior is not the behavior of a man who loves you. I found out in counseling at end of marriage that my husband in finnally admiting to counselor, had never been in love with me. Why the F%#K did he marry me in the first place? To have a mommy to take care of him. I had to be the adult and yet he did all he could to kill the relationship and make me leave him cus the Dr. found he had this program running in his mind since childhood when his mom ended up in hospital and Drs thought she might die. He took that as a female was going to abandon him and through his adult life, with previous girlfriends as I discovered later, did the same thing, trying to make his mental prophecy come true, that he could never depend on a woman because all of them would leave him at some point. they wouldn't have and I wouldn't have if He'd woken up and decided to treat me decent and love me. But he couldn't due to mental illness holding him back which I didnt know back then.
You must not marry such a person unless you want a low self esteem for the rest of your life. As long as you have someone like him in your life, you are not going to be able to get any better cus any progress you make, he will emotional beat you down all the harder. I experienced a lot of that. The stress of the emotional abuse will come out eventually in ways that make you ill, stress needing to go somewhere. So if not developing mental disorders yourself, the stress will go into your body as it did mine and you get physically ill. I lived with headaches, migraines, stress induced total body rashes that itched, and stomach ulcers often. thats what stress does to the body. It can go worse and kill you by creating cancer or heart attack eventually, something you won't see cus it creeps up on you slowly but in 30 yrs you could die of it ending your life a lot sooner than you could have lived otherwise. I had a premonition that cancer would develop in the next 4 yrs if I didnt leave him. He would never leave me, the objective with my ex was to get me to leave him. In your case, your guy would never leave you, not as long as you remain weak, low confidence and brow beaten. So in your case, you would also have to leave him. He doesnt love you. this is not how love makes a person treat someone they truly are in love with.
Heres the stuff you mentioned that proves he doesnt love you: ridiculing you, comparing you to others and telling you that you fall short, keeping secrets from you, (The phone/tablet issue) which also means he is prime cheating material for the future if he isn't already doing so. My ex found a gal after I divorced him. She was with him for 5 years before she discovered recently when talking about marriage with him that he doesnt love her. He had no problem telling her that he wasn't in love with her, just liked her as a person. She was smart and left right away. So if wasnt about me, my ex is incapable of being able to love. I would venture to guess that may be the case with your guy too.

I've railed on about how you should avoid this guy, break up and certainly not marry but not addressed your self esteem or confidence issues. I have some things to share on that too. But if you aren't ready to decide to leave this guy right NOW, then you aren't ready to work on yourself and get yourself to a better place. You need to be a complete, whole healthy person before you can attract another whole healthy person into your life to marry. When ready to hear how to work on yourself, let me know and I will share what worked for me.

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I live in the foothills of the Front Range of Colorado and when it gets above 75 degrees I get sicker then a dog! I throw up a lot and then I'm very week! I push Pedilite something made for small children. its the only way i can keep my electrolytes stable. should i contact my PCP? i don't want to go to the emergency room! I am also a Diabetic 2 and have Bipolar 1 and COPD and its a long list of medical problems.

Again, a vote for seeing your Dr. It may take a while of testing for different things to see why you react to heat in this way. I do like watching Mystery diagnosis and remember one of a gal for whom it started at puberty with weakness, and reaction to heat, However she had migraines, not throwing up that I call recall. She got so weak and dizzy that she began to fall down unable to stand. Hers was a problem with her blood pressure. I know when my blood pressure has dropped during a temporary illness and dropped quickly that throwing up was a symptom. And a low blood pressure could react to heat and your feeling worst the hotter it gets. So see your Dr. and make sure no matter your age that they do the usual blood and urine checks but also check your blood pressure. You never know but it may have taken time for your medications for diabetes or your other medical problems to build up in you to the point you're getting a reaction of throwing up or perhaps a new medication was recently added or one changed which now means some of your meds have a bad interaction with each other. I was a caregiver who took my client to her Dr appts and she had many different specialists including the mental health ones and I remember the day she got a change in medication which then caused an interaction of her fainting and blacking out. That is serious stuff. And even though I always kept a list of all her medications, so that ALL her different Drs. knew what other Drs were prescribing, what the name of it was, the milligrams and how many to take and how often, they still made mistakes at times. So be sure to make a thorough list of all your meds to take to the Dr. to also look for a combo of drugs that shouldnt be taken together that might be causing this reaction. It may not actually be that the throwing up is the reaction to a medical issue but a secondary symptom caused by the original body reaction. All of this requires lots of testing by Drs. to discover what the real issue is. What I've shared hopefully shows you why there are too many variables and it is not a good idea to self diagnos or ignore a problem. Most Dr.s and med clinics and hospitals today all have shared info on the web that is connected, especially for a particular city, or county in which you live and they have the access to all the updated info on you but dont think to look for it. So you need to be forward thinking, not assuming the doctor is thinking of everything in each short time slot they have with each patient. Remind each specialist you see of what other doctors you do see in case them may not know, that you have a medication list. Make copies and hand them one. (Handwritten or typed, both work) let the Dr. know of current symptoms, anything that may have changed recently in diet, exercise, change of home and living location, really any changes at all, including any of issues you may be having in another area they dont specialize in. So if seeing the dr. who prescribes and knows of your diabetes, you let him know if you're having new issues you're being seen for with your mental health Drs. Its also wise to make a list of All your Drs with their phone numbers and other contact info, what you see them for so that if they want to or feel it may be important to cross check with other Drs. of yours, they can. I also provided a Dr. list for my caregiving client and her Drs. did use it too and talk to her other Drs which was a very helpful thing so they could all work together for her good rather than against each other as occured a couple times. I hope this helps you to be prepared for seeing your PCP. You go to emergency only if you are thinkihg you may be seriously dehydrated from lack of food and liquids. A good way to check for this is to take the skin on the top of your hand and gather and pinch it between the thumb and forefinger of your other hand. If you are hydrated, it quickly goes back to laying normal across your hand. If you are dehydrated, you will find it flattening back out in slow motion. Do not make a habit of only trying to treat dehydration without attempting to find out what is causing this in the first place. Get in to see your Dr.

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Hi, I am from Australia and my 14 year old friend has recently told me that she's going through depression. She is self-diagnosed. I don't think it's serious, but she told me she just feels sad. I kind of feel bad because I kind of took it like it was nothing. I did show sympathy and asked if it is something particular that's making her feel depressed or if she just feels sad. She told me she just feels sad. It's been a few months since she's told me and I want to try to help and see how she's going, I just don't know what to say.

Your friend needs to understand that a big part of girls feeling more sad or more angry or irritated when they used to be is often related to when her hormones of puberty began to be produced. In time, by late teens, the effects of this should go away as the hormones level out on their own. Make sure she lets you know if her sadness and being weepy or prone to crying for no good reason, actually becomes a feeling of wanting to self harm like cutting or feeling depressed or feeling suicidal as these things are the extremes that can come with ones hormone changes and means the hormones are dangerously out of balance and need a Dr. to check for, diagnose and treat with medication which is usually only needed during the teen years until ones one hormones level out later. So if this is the case, and you believe her to be not merely sad but depressed, then her mom needs to know so she can take her to a Dr. to have her hormone levels checked. She may not want to tell her mom. I know my oldest never told me and I wish as her mom that she had so I could get her help. I feel robbed of that opportunity to do so. Her mom would too. And while she could get angry at you for telling her mom, her anger for a period of time is the easier thing to live with compared to the guilt you would feel if she got to the point of commiting suicide and knowing you could have preventing your and her familys heartache by saying someething. If you think it helps, show my answer to her mom. She needs to know to take serious the fact that it is becoming a serious problem these days when young girls bodies begin to release hormones that they end up with an overload, not because their bodies produce too much but all humans pick up and absorb from their environment plenty of synthetic female hormones from the pollution and toxins on our planet. It is a problem of the times that didn't exist so much when your friends mom or grandma was the same age as our environment was cleaner at that time. Thats why often moms don't tend to think anything is wrong until a daughter cuts too deep or commits suicide and thats too late. I know its hard to say something. but try your friend first, sharing what I've told you and if she won't talk to her mom, then you need to as it may save her life if shes truly depressed.
If its discovered her hormone levels are okay, then she will need some therapy to deal with her negative depressing thoughts. Either her parents will get her into therapy or if for some reason they don'tt, she can get some self help by reading a book on depression and how to change the cycle of negative thinking. If thats the case and she's willing to read such a book, let me know and I'll give you the info and a website of the person who writes these books.

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In 2012 I had to have a hysterectomy at the age of 38... I never had children before the surgery so I will never get that chance... My roommate and best friend feels like I should be over this already and that I should feel grateful because... even though she has had 5 children and had to have her tubes tied that she has it worse off... She put it that she was able to have children then just had it snatched away from her due to medical problems and that that is worse than never having had children and having it taken away... I really don't know how to respond to this... She is usually a supportive person so not sure what to make of this.

No one can understand how you feel if you've never had kids and now find you'll never be able to carry and birth one of your own. Your friend may have thought she was helping to make you feel better and i understand her line of thinking but her situation, while also devastating does not compare on the same level at all. Let it go and don't pick on her, she meant well. too many people who mean well say things that hurt worse but feel if they kept silent and said nothing that that wold actually be worse.

Your 'feeling down' may actually be a form of grieving. We are most familiar with grieving the loss of family or friend to death. Theres also the loss of people who simply decide to cut you out of their life permanently for whatever reason, loss of job and therefore subsequent losses like loss of income, loss of home
and all of those are losses which will cause a person to most likely 'grieve over the loss' and includes as in your case 'the loss of the ability to get pregnant and carry your own child. So the first step may be to seek out a counselor for help with grieving. If a person gets stuck somewhere along the grieving process and never goes through processing all the steps, they will remain stuck at whatever point they stopped and stay there the rest of their life. While you may not feel like you are not in grieving, due to lack of tears or crying or other obvious signs, it may be something you need to go through before you can move on with your life and be ready to look at the real life possibilities of the choice to then remain childless, adopt, become a foster parent, or even just volunteer in children programs as a way for your nuturing abilities to have an outlet. A person who is naturally a nurturing personality would go nuts not having an outlet. Some nurturers also find fullfillment in gardening or in having pets...while definitely not the same as having a child, and not meant to take the place of, it still a good outlet for a persons need to nurture. If you are thinking that by now you are too old to start with adopting in case you find after some time you are ready to embrace that idea, dont brush it off too quickly without checking and researching first the ages of those who adopt or foster children. People who are more financially stable and ready to do so are going to be older having gone after a career first and will have much to offer a child. Good luck to you dear.

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Hi, I am from Australia and am a teenager. I think I have OCD. I have done some research on it. I have taken online quizzes, and they say I most likely have OCD. I have read what phsycologists say OCD is and I relate. Sometimes I feel so controlled that I cry. These thoughts come in to my head, that something bad might happen if I don't do something. I haven't told my parents about this because it's too hard for me. Sometimes I walk past, say, a doorway, and I might look at something and a bad thought comes into my head, so I have to walk back and think something different. Sometimes I have to tap something a certain number of times, because I feel like if I tap it a certain number, then something bad will happen. I don't want to go to a doctor or someone professional because I don't want to make this a big deal. I have tried telling my friends that I think I have it, and they tell me "no, trust me, you don't, you're sitting on a floor, if you have OCD, you would be wiping all the seats down before you sit on them" I tried to explain to them that that isn't what OCD is, but they didn't listen. Sometimes I would have to go back and touch something, and my friends would be like "what are you doing?" it's embarrassing. I have been telling myself that it is an OCD thought when I feel like I have to do something. I don't want to write down or keep a diary of my OCD thoughts (If they are, I don't know if I really have OCD), because it's too hard, my OCD (if it is) takes over, when I try to write it down.

Does anyone know if I have OCD? If so, are there any tips on what I should do myself to try and reduce it? Thanks!

The internet offers plenty of ideas if you look. I put in a search titled "How to self treat OCD". And got a few hits. The first link I will post does mention doing this in addition to having a counselor who has already diagnosed you as having this. While you are correct that many of your symptoms sound like OCD it could be a combo of that and something else or something else entirely. In trying to diagnose my ex who didn't at first want to go in to a counselor, I found that many of the symptoms in mental disorders seem to overlap and many share same signs. It was confirmed when I spoke to a counselor that it is difficult to diagnose someone by behavior and symptoms and it can take some time. Since you are determined to not see a doctor or tell your parents, all you can do is follow any self help ideas. And then if you find no improvement, I would suggest u seriously tell the parents and see a professional. The risk you take here is that not reaching out and letting people other than your peers know, is that depression which can be a part of this can get out of control and you could become suicidal. I have a daugther who suffered clinical depression already in H.S. and there were no outward signs. Without treatment it got worse until the depression grew out of control after she had her first baby and finally told me she suffered from thoughts of wanting to kill herself and the baby even though she knows that would be wrong. I wish I had known, that she would have told me so that I could have got her the help and been a support to her. I feel robbed of the chance to do that for her since she waited until it was critical to tell me.
Ok, that all said, heres the first links:

http://ocd.about.com/od/treatment/a/Ocd-Self-Help.htm

http://www.nursingdegreeguide.org/2009/5-self-help-tips-to-treat-obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

Also important for you to realize is the Cognitive disorders, cognition meaning a thought, is behind a good majority of mental problematic behavior. So something called CBT, Cognitive Behavioral therapy is now being widely used. There is a Dr. who was asked to write manuals on it for other Psychologists and he turned it down saying he would write a book for the average person like you and me to read. I have read the book. Even though my thought life is pretty healthy, I could still relate to those pesky negative thoughts that come up in our minds. I just seemed to naturally know how to deal with them. Many people do not, so his book was written to help average people to help themselves. I learned alot from his book and highly recommend it. He now has a website which I will list. On his website was a link to a you tube video of a speech he gave outlining how his work started with belieivng only medication therapy would help people and yet most his patients didn't respond to it. Later cbt became known and someone dared him to try it on a willing patient and the patient experienced great immediate results, not because of something he said or did, he only told them what homework they needed to do, the patient did the work correctly and got better. He was treating anxiety and depression and thats what he mentions but i know that this same outline to work with negative thought patterns that affect your emotions and then therefore your behavior can be helped this way too. Of tests done on depressed people told to wait 4 weeks for a mental health appointment, they were given this mans book to read in the meanwhile while waiting. By time their turn came for an appt. 69% of them were cured, and didn't need to see a Dr. This shows that there will still be a few who do need the additional help of a therapist in cojunction with what they do to change their thinking. It could be you. So if this helps but not totally, then its time to tell the parents, let them know what you've done so far, that you have some improvement but you still realize you need the help of a Psychologist.

Heres the link to the youtube video, followed by his website where if you click on the books tab you will see the book I've read "Feeling Good" but there is another that might be more helpful to you or in addition to the 1st book called "When Panic Attacks" (good for multiple disorders including OCD) Books can be ordered in your local bookstore if not on their shelf with no additional cost.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1T5uMeYv9Q

http://feelinggood.com/

Please read through the website thoroughly and read peoples comments further below especially the one of a person who had been suffering from OCD titled Artie | November 10, 2013 at 9:55 PM.

Good luck and let me know what you think of this. If you do feel you need to see a therapist in the end, your parents need to know and I would suggest finding out thru Dr. David D Burns who practices in the same style in your area as he no longer keeps a practice but devotes his time to training therapists and individuals through Books and seminars on how to deal with these issues.



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Thankyou so much for replying to my question, you made me look at my situation in a different light i feel like ive focused to much on this new crush that im having instead of really fixing the problem that caused to look for what im missing in soneone else. I know that that if everything was okay at home never in a million years would i gave paid mind to anyone else. My boyfriend and i have a completely straight monogamous relationship so this girl is really out of my comfort zone, but she has many qualities/goals that i dont see with my boyfriend, ive been with him for 5 years and we are economically the same as when we started if there has been any minimal progress i can thank my mom for being soo supportive. But honestly i dont feel like i can just guve up on him i wish wecould make things work i just dont wanna that im holding myself back and changing into a person to who i am really ive never been so passive and sooo conformed in my life. I really appreciate that you shared your personal story with me it made me think alot more about my future and where i really want to be, because we are actually supposed to get married next march but i dont think i can take the next step if i cant even resolve our relationship issues without getting into a fight, and when it comes to our sex life we are not on the same page at all i even lost my want to engage with him like how coukd after a long day of bickering. I know he has noticed that im not how i used to be with him, he's even told me that he thinks there's someone else but hes always thought that even when everything was all about him. I know this isnt much of a question i just need to vent.

Thank-you for sharing dear. None of us have any experience when we are young and getting married. And in most situations, we don't stop to think to ask others for their opinions or advice. I didn't. Wish I had but I truly didn't know there was a problem. I would have if I had lived with him first which was unlikely for two people from strict christian churches.
I know you aren't asking a particular question but feel that you may need to hear a bit more from me to know that what you are feeling is valid.

You do say 'i dont feel like I can just give up on him.' I am like that too, its part of who I am, very loyal and I don't give up on people easily. Loyal to a fault actually, which meant I really was unable to determine when to give up and throw in the towel. So I can understand your feelings of how you would be less of a good person by taking an action that goes against your very nature. I am also a person who is very nurturing, be it in the garden or with people and I guess I sensed he needed something. What I failed for so many years to realize is that most of what he needed was beyond my scope of experience to help him with, being that I am not a counselor with a degree or a mental health professional. I may have been able to have some positive influence in his life IF he was willing to admit that he just might have some things he could learn to do better, than he may be contributing to issues. If you are willing to accept that there may be something, even something small you may not be doing the best job of, and be a person willing to listen to correction instead of defend yourself but have a willingness to always be a better person the following day, then you are a person who is flexible and can be worked with, wouldn't you agree. This is how I live my life and it serves well in many different areas, not just relationships. My guess is he doesn't see that he might be part of or all of the problem. Especially since you mention you already fight about your issues and yet instead of first thought being that you act different and view him differently because of him, he thinks you've found another guy. So my guess is he isn't ready to willingly go or if he goes, willingly work on the things a couples counselor tells him. If you want to not give up on the relationship just yet, that would be your best bet. I would certainly not plan to marry and I would have a talk with him right now on that subject. If there is truly a great deep love for you, he would feel terrible to think that he was doing anything that was unknown to him making you unhappy and be willing to do anything to change that if it was a chosen behavior and not part of who he is personality wise. My 2nd husband is like that. There are very few times that he has said or done anything that brought me to tears but when I explain what it is he did that bothered me so much, he changes immedicately and Never repeats what he did to hurt me in the first place. Of course we are older adults and perhaps that plays into our realizing live is too short, so we really need to make the best of it especially when its in our power to make things better, compromise, and especially if we have found the love of our life, our soul mate. You can risk losing such a person, with or without having a marriage license. Its just more hassle and expensive to do a divorce but people do all the time. Mainly, there are so many divorces, even friendly ones because the people mature and grow and learn that they both are not perfect for each other in too many ways and so they part and re-marry someone much better for them, unless one or both didn't learn to work on what was wrong with them if anything was actually wrong.
Regarding sex, I completely understand not wanting to engage in it with him. I am a healthy female and had the same needs. We didnt have chemistry together. He never had looked at me with desire. We only used each other to release sexual needs and even then, he got his met, but wouldn't take the time with me. I never had orgasms by him...only other men after I left him. I could still kick myself for staying as long as I did, but I wasn't yet strong enough and didn't see the whole situation in the right light. I chose to believe as the church taught, to allow God to heal my marriage. The thing about that is, its faulty thinking and God finally got thru to me to explain why He didn't heal marriages or anything else wrong in the world...because he gave each of us a free will. A will to make good and bad choices with. Some of the bad is mistakes and learning processes and just naivety that He doesnt hold against us, as long as we finally learn from it, all is good. Sometimes two ill fitted people end up together I was told, because one or both have something to learn personally from being in such a situation, once that thing is learned, one or both no longer need each other. You know that saying thats passed around facebook, "People come into your life either for a reason, a season or a lifetime" and that is SO true. My ex was meant for a season, which was long because I was choosing not to think this all through, if I had, I'd have realized sooner that I had to learn to put my own best first, loving myself enough to not choose to stay in a situation that was bad for me. It took a good chunk of my life to get there, a place where this decision took a greater importance over my personal character traits of being loyal, not giving up and being nurturing to all others, just not myself. Once I made that decision I had learned what I needed and God told me it was time to leave the marriage as I had learned what I needed to from it. He also said if I decided to force the situation and stay, it would not help my ex do any personal growth of which he hadn't yet. My staying, would not help him grow, only hinder it and so if I chose to stay, either I would die of cancer or heart attack in 4 yrs time.
I can't say what God had in store for you to learn or personally grow from, and that being with this man will last for you as long as it needed to until one or the other of you learn what you need to learn.
You are getting plenty of the fight and strife without being married to him so I see no need to go the step that ties you to him legally and financially. It is best that you not have any kids with him cus its a great disservice to kids to grow up seeing parents who dont get along, bicker, fight, or one abuses the other, or there is no tender love between them. I had 3 daughters. Not a single one has been able to find a good man to settle down with. One is fearful of losing control and controls the boyfriends, one found a mental nutcase not on meds, and the other, a guy whom she supports cus he says he claims to be too damaged from previous experiences in life. All not ideal. They have no idea what is a healthy normal relationship because of what they had for a father. I am not upset I had my kids, I love them but they are messed up by their childhood. Now I know better and am trying to make up for it and have to live with watching all 3 end up in not so good situations or make really bad ones. So don't have any kids until you know things can work out.

I would suggest trying to have a talk with him and ask him to hear you out before responding and that you will give him a chance to respond. If he can't and interrupts, you let him know that you are not giving up on him yet. But until he is willing to go see a couples counselor with you, that your relationship and the marriage is on hold. If the two of you can not improve things between you, then the relationship and marriage is off for good.
A relationship is built on two things that make up a solid foundation for it. We all still have minor upsets but it all comes back into balance if the couple has this foundation of 1.being each others best friend. 2. being the best sexual match for each other.

With one or the other, it will always be a rocky relationship and could end some time in the future. With neither, the relationship has no chance of getting off the ground. Whether you stay with him now or leave, either way could be good for you. One is good right now. the choice of staying with him might be good later as you learn what you need to learn just from being with him. But I guarantee with the troubles you're having now that he is not meant to be the guy you stay with til the day you die unless you decide to never learn and grow from the relationship and move on eventually. You will need time to think about it all. At least let him know the marriage will be called off for now and remain on hold until you both can work out your differences or whether you can work them out...and just go from there. But he needs to know that now. Perhaps if he hears that you are willing to walk away from him and marriage forever if things don't improve, he may get serious if he really loves you. Or you may find out as I did in the end in counseling, that he may think he loves you, but my ex said he loved my for being the mother of his kids but when it came to ever having 'been in love' with me, he finally admitted to the counselor after many attempts to steer conversation another way, that he had never ever been in love with me. Shocking right? Yep... lets hope thats not the case for you. But if it is, best for you to find out now rather than after 3o yrs and kids together. Write me again if you come up with any other particular situations/questions you want to run by me. good luck dear!

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I was raised to be Catholic. But the bible revolts me. It's sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic and it even supports slavery and rape. And i don't believe. I don't. This wasn't my choice. I didn't choose to do this religion of hatred. But I'm scared of burning in hell. That's another thing, people join religions out of fear. But none of them are correct except maybe the Buddhist religion because it's more of a philosophy in my eyes. I've even thought about joining buddhism. Or even paganism/wiccanism just to spite everybody. And i like the idea of worshipping a visible nature and not an invisible God. Why is this religion so hateful? And what religion do you think o should be?

One more opinion. The problem is the word "religion". Jesus never meant for people to belong to a religious belief system and thats not what He would wish. the truth is, our bodies are houses for our souls our spirits. So what is needed rather than a man formed belief system is for a person to develop spiritually. Being spiritual doesnt neccessarily mean a person has to belong to a religion or belief system or even a philosophy. For our spirit to develop, there's really very little required, only two things really. one is to develop a relationship with our creator, be able to recognize that source greater than us, much as we recognize that earthly male and female who gave us our earthly body for our spirit as Mom and Dad. Usually with a family, there is other relations, family members ranging from siblings to aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. We learn to love and care about them too. Well, thats number two of whats required in our spiritual growth which is to learn to love ALL other souls as our really giant family on a spiritual level. All souls were created by whatever we call and recognize Deity to be. What is more amazing, is that our Creator never meant for our spirit path of growth to be a one size, or one path fits all. We are all unique and at different stages sometimes in where we are at spiritually. So God/Goddess makes sure that we are set on a path that will help us best to learn and grow. Some people grow spiritually but don't recognize it as that. They wouldn't call themselves religious nor spiritual, and yet to the best of their ability they are actually learning and living a life in which they are loving and caring in practical ways for their fellow human being. take Mother Theresa as an example, instead of hanging with church folks, she spent her life among the poor doing what she could to help them. So we can find those who are on the right spiritual path no matter whether they are found in Christianity, Paganism, Buddhism, Hinduism etc... Another fact is that all of the beliefs that at least I am familiar with all seem to have some of the same truths and all have their own set of falsities, where there are misinterpretations, misunderstandings and outright lies. Not one religion or belief system is free of having its problems. Some are better than others but all do fall short. What is best is what everyone has been saying, that you find what works best for you. It doesnt have to have a name or be an organized system, for what works best for you may indeed have a unique path that has no label, such as the path I now walk. I started in the Christian church but now would say I have an eclectic belief system of my own. And I will admit that it has changed in some ways throughtout my spiritual growth thru-out my life. What my creator used to teach me in the past, I've grown beyond and don't necessarily beleive anymore as it was very limited in sight and understanding, I had to leave the church when I grew beyond what they all believe in. I met lots of different pagans and found they were as spiritual or even more so than lots of Christianity who are held back by fear.
So do I hate the organized Christian church? No, I don't, for once upon a time, I was there, believing the same stuff and yet the Divine loved me no less and patiently waiting for me to grow to a point where I was ready to learn something more spiritually, to grow at a rate I was able to handle and comfortable with. I used to never believe in reincarnation and do now because of the close relationship I have forged with my creator and being able to hear from Him/Her. It was in this way, a message was passed, just to me from the Divine that reincarnation was real. That may be my truth and may not be yours.
As for whether you need to fear Hell, I have my own ideas about that, and they clash with the God/Goddess I've come to know very well. My God is a loving parent who could never torture his children/souls who do not do as He wishes. My God also has joked with me at times, my God has a sense of humor and doesnt speak in King James but uses the vernacular that I use so it sounds like the way I would talk. My God isn't impatient or running a time schedule where I have to grow spiritually at a certain rate and so there are souls at all different levels of learning on the planet. So I see it as souls at anywhere from Kindergarten level of understanding to the more mature ones of H.S. and college level of understanding. You only need to believe that your Creator loves you and take steps now to get to know It. How do you get to know a friend at school, you meet and start talking. You talk about anything and everything and it certainly isn't religious talk. Do the same with the Creator. Talk to as you would talk to your parents, or friends. Talk about whats important to you. Ask for help and direction as you would your parents. Discuss what you believe and what you have problems with in the church teaches. Ask God what His take on it is. What does he want you to know for now and is there anything that He wants you to do next that is helpful in your spiritual growth. You wont hear back at first, and it will be a one way conversation for a long time but eventually your brain learns how to hear back, or perhaps its really your soul that learns how to tune in and it is so wonderful when you can hear your concerns answered and be built up with lots of loving messages when perhaps no one else loves you or believes the way you do. To know youre on the right path for just you, is a wonderful thing. I hope you find the path for you dear. As said, your parents role is to teach you what they believe is best for you. I understand if you are younger than 18 that you will at least need to go through the motions and attend but at the same time, what you actually believe and your silent thoughts as you sit in church, not listening to the sermon but having your own private conversation with God can be your first step towards finding your own spiritual path and God knows that. God is patient to wait for the time when you can do so fully.

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I'm going to try and make this as short as possible without skipping important details. But, it is a looooong story.
My boyfriend 25 and me 23 have been together for almost 4 years now. When I met him, his daughter had just turned one. I've been there helping her grow up this whole time, I've worked my ass off constantly to help my boyfriend and his daughter, because I love them. Her mother has always been scornful and dramatic. (Which is something I don't think will change.) When we first started dating, she recently moved about 45 minutes away with her new boyfriend, in his house, had their daughter call him daddy etc. Fast forward to about 2 years ago, my mother was going through cancer treatment and we had the little one a lot. Mom started getting mad because she didn't know me well enough. (After 2 years) we have always managed to communicate the important things without fighting and being cordial. Well, somehow she had it in her head that I was trying to replace her. She took away his daughter and refused for us to see her unless I agreed to be her friend and go on some "girl dates" with her. I said no, and that I didn't want to get to know her. I was just at a hard spot and her being down my neck was making it hard. On this particular day she was angry, my mother had fainted and was in the ER. So things were pretty hard for me. I told her I didn't really want to get to know her, (which she still brings up whenever we fight) we were able to text and chat so I didn't think it was too bad. She said I acts uncordial and rude towards her all the time. My boyfriend talked to her though and she did let up. At this time she started dating my boyfriend's best friend. (Which was good for a while) over the next few months we would have the same fight which would end the same way. I agreed eventually to having a meeting and getting to know her. (She thought that in my mind she was an evil witch) our meeting went fine and she was happy. She got what she wanted. She drew me graphs showing our friends that intertwined and how I shouldn't let their perceptions of her effect how I see her. A few months later another melt down about not knowing me well enough. She NEEDS to be my buddy. But she also seemed to misread every text and message we exchanged, twisting them into some imaginary anger feueled hate that wasn't there.
She said I was demanding and rude. I had a friend message me screenshots and links from a page she was on. Bashing me, saying untrue things making me out to be some hateful woman trying to steal her child. There was even a big about why she is aloud to be crazy and that I need to tread lightly and not step on her toes.
At this time we had just moved into our new house and mom had been off in the virgin islands and then moved to the mountains to do ranger work. Which left us with the little one full time. When she returned she had the freak out and demanded that I no longer be involved in planning and be left out of communication.
My boyfriend set up a meeting with her and she had a melt down about how she feels intimidated and that she thinks we are getting back at her for when she moved with the new "daddy". She doesn't want me to replace her and thinks in stealing her daughter. I never wanted a child, and at this time I found out I was pregnant so emotions were high, I decided not to keep it, which was hard, and I'm still very depressed over it. She is now back together AGAIN with my boyfriend's best friend. She told us she wants to be able to come hang out with all of us and feels left out. They never came to a conclusion and the next day my boyfriend got a message she was running off with her daughter to the mountains for a week because I've made her life so hard since she has returned. And that she wants to completely cease contact with me until she clears her head. I message her and let her know i was hurt and felt cut out from my family. And that if she needed time that she could reach out when she feels ready. I then deleted and blocked her off Facebook because it was not helping the situation. She immediately called my boyfriend and blew up calling us immature.
We don't here from her for a while and since then she has made it a point to not talk to me relaying info to my boyfriend who then relays to me. Then the other day she shows up to get her daughter and acts all happy and cheery towards me and tries talking to me. (It was very fake and awkward)
She still hasn't spoken to me. But she has stressed to her man that she just wants to get along and be friends.
I want to talk to her but I'm not sure what to say because she takes everything wrong and overanalyzes everything. How do I tell her that I want to get a long but not be besties without hurting her how do I reason with this. Should I even try and reach out? I've tried many times in the past with mixed results. A I want is peace and the ability to be involved in my step daughter's nofe? I'm not sure how to approach or treat this situation. Please help and advice!

When it comes down to legal things, in the end, Razhie is right, it is all about what is best for the child. I have a granddaughter thru my oldest child who was confirmed to have and under care of Dr. for depression at the birth of the child. But in the last year, she has kidnapped the child so dad doesnt get to see her where she was being raised with his new wife and half siblings because my child didnt have the time for daughter nor want her. She also has exhibited some of the behavior but in many ways worse than what you shared with situations she is imaginigining about ALL her relatives, parents, siblings, aunts uncles cousins and had cut off communication, moved, disconnected phones and closed all social sites on the net so we have no way to keep touch. All the father can do is go thru the legal channels to see what can be done for the sake of the child. We all fear the worst knowing she most likely had undiagnosed mental illness and confirmed a while back going off depression meds. It will take a detective to hunt her down and servie court papers when the time comes. This is all stuff to be handled in the same way for your boyfriend, thru the legal system, thats why there are laws. She frankly sounds like a nutcase, this mother whose emotions are all over the place and you dont have to be her best friend and as an adult she should be okay with it, as long as you both communicate civilly regarding any sharing of the child or anything related to the child, your involvement with her ends there. So don't feel guilty but instead encourage the boyfriend to seek his legal rights cus frankly, in your case, I would question whether being with bio mom most the time is the better choice. Who will be raising the child once of school age and needin the consistentcy of going to the same school and not moved all over the area. And which parent instead will have visiting rights maybe weekends and such. They may have joint custody but once the kid is school age, it would be better for them to do able to aggree where the child will be raised and who she goes to visit.
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I will take anyones opinion im in a 5 year commited relationship with my boyfriend i love him but i dint feel like its the same as before i feel like if i balance the good and the bad the bad definitely outweighs the good thing about our relationship im 21 hes 28 i work he doesnt i maintain everything in our home all the bills are paid by me when i come i also have to do all the house chores or they wont get done im exhausted i cant gi anywhere with my friends without it being a problem so i just stay home and me and him do anything outside our home ever. And now on top of things im crushing on a girl i met at work a few months ago currently we are friends but when we just met there was alot of flirting going on in the beginning she let me know that she didnt want to let things grow with me because she knows i wont leave my boyfriend but now that she stopped seeing me and treating me as she did before now i miss her what should i do..

You have two separate issues that might seem related but I see them as different and heres why before i tackle them. If the girl at work didnt exist and you'd never met her, would it change the problems of life with your boyfriend, would there be more good than bad in the relationship? And in csae you can't figure it out, the answer is no because she can't affect him in any way as to how he keeps house or treats you.

On the other hand, if you had no complaints about your 5 yr boyfriend and view him as a prince, a perfect guy and life is mostly all good with him, then when you met this girl at work, would you have begun to crush on her? Maybe. But its certainly not a for sure yes. The answer in my opinion is a No simply because when a person is missing something in their relationship, their subconscious mind which houses all your emotions, out of wanting to keep you happy (one of its main objectives) will cause to you act, feel and do certain things in an effort to attempt to bring you happiness, especially if it is missing in your current life. Even if the person would never actually have an affair or cheat, their mind will continue to dream and want and desire what they are missing and so you must be thinking that this girl has some of those qualities that you are missing in the relationship with the boyfriend. Doesnt matter what sex the other is, if in a committed relationship, and both of you are monogamous and aren't bi sexual, or polyamorous or have an open relationship, then anyone else is off limits until the current relationship ends. That is your only option in that case which I am guessing must be, as you didnt mention, bi, poly or arrangement to openly date others while committed to your relationship as the core relationship.

Your question seems to be only to know what to do about your feelings of missing her. So since I already explained why you have these feelings, you must be able to discern then that until issue one is resolved and you are happier and have your needs met emotional with the boyfriend, then you will continue to have unmet needs and if not this girl, you will begin to crush on someone else and will continue to do so. You can be determined to shut off those needs, but it is dangerous to force yourself to live with a situation that you are not happy in, especially when the bad outweighs the good. I am so glad you mentioned that because I Have a personal story that will explain these issues. I married at 20, a church guy so I felt it was going to be a pretty good relationship. Well, it turns out he was verbally abusive, couldn't be pleased no matter what and in the beginning I made all the changes and even my changing myself in order to keep him happy still didn't work. What i didnt know and discover until 30 yrs later is that he had mental illness, a highly functioning version of it, but bad enough so that over times, the balance of more good times than bad switched and the bad times began to outweigh the good until it was all bad and no good left. Since you can relate to that, let me explain what it did to me. As a christian, I was dedicated to stay married as the church taught the divorce was wrong. I still lived him in the beginning but as the years went by and i was treated worse than his friends or the family pet, that slowly eroded all the love I had for him. Same as a seedling that cants get the sunlight, water it needs and is being choked by weeds, will not survive, my love was destined in that situation to not survive. Yes, we thought about couples counseling. Actually he wouldn't go, believing I was the only problem and pointing the finger at me as having all the issues, a tactic people will use when trying to take the focus off themselves as being part of the problem. Without him willing to admit he might have issues, marriage continued in this way, with my sheer determination forcing me to stay. It took its toll stress wise, the stress of being treated terribly, yelled at even for following his controlling direction explicitly, ignored, expected to run all errands, wanted for my paycheck but not wanted sexually, terrible sex life and no love, and the list goes on. Stress has to go somewhere, needs an outlet which is either emotional, mental or physical. Most women will exhibit emotional problems, low self confidence, acting cowed all the time, sad, always blaming themselves and saying sorry or even starting to have mental issues their selves. With me, it all went into physical. Constant headaches punctuated with a few migraines thrown in. Several times of over all body rashs that itched, ulcers, the kind of stuff one gets if there is too much stress in their lives. This kind of stress in the end ultimately can kill by causing cancer or heart problems. OUr bodies are not meant to take stress like that 24/7 with out ever any relief. I was also under the assumption that to worry about my well being and put myself first meant I was being selfish. That is SO wrong. God finally got through to me on that and explained that I needed to learn to love myself first before His love could flow from me to others I come across in life. Then I heard that bible verse in a different way, the one about "Love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself." I was thinking I had to love others first, not myself and God was showing me the word AS. As myself meaning the self love is actually in existance before the loving of others. If one truly doesnt hate themselves but by choice still places themselves in situations where they are unhappy, not nurtured, then we are also not loving ourselves by omission, omitting that which we need as human beings to thrive. Same results in the end. I was shocked to think I had been by choice hurting myself all these years. It took having someone in my life who treated me that bad for me to learn this truth so somebody had to be the bad guy and I am actuallt thankful to the ex for having been the instigator of this learning process for me. He still is an unhappy person but I have move on and now am remarried to a wonderful man and only wish I could have met him earlier, but realize I wasn't ready yet.

So, in the end...you can always try couple counseling to see if this will resolve the issues you have with him and that in effect cancel your need for you subconscious to seek to fill your unmet needs in others, or if he isn't willing, then you aren't that important to him and he isn't going to or willing to change and improve so you must decide if you are willing to submit yourself to a situation that will either keep you stuck all your life, stuck unable to grow personally, unhappy, etc... or whether you are willing to learn to really love yourself first and give yourself all the possible chances to find the most hospitable environment for yourself as a human, in job, relationship, living situation or area, thus giving yourself the opportunity for growth, happiness and health and ability to find those who can have a balanced relationship with you, as friends or lovers, co workers, relationships where each carries their own responsibilities and willingly cares and gives to make sure the other gets help and what they need too. You are focused only on your crushing as the most important issue which is like having an infection on your skin whether due to previous skinned knee or cut and slapping a bandaid on, hoping that everything will be fine and the scratch goes away now. Your problem wont end until you go after what caused the infection in the first place. Something to think about anyways.

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A few days ago my parents bought and brought home a new cat.We have a dog but he is old and in bad health.At first i really liked the cat,its a sweet cat but here i am today thinking how its just not clicking,cats are so different from dogs and i cant adjust to it,i really tried.And i feel so shitty and guilty from having another animal while my dog is still alive.I cant handle.I think that im gonna have to tell my parents to return it tomorrow.Please dont judge me,i spent the whole night yesterday crying because of it and i hate this situation,i cant live with another animal.What do you think is best?

Have the parents return it then. I assume this was to be Your pet, not the family pet. Unless they want it for themselves and have a connection with it and its a family pet, then you dont have to worry about not clicking with it, as it will get plenty of attention from the parents.

I don't understand the reason of having a 2nd pet means you're replacing another pet. Many people have multiple pets and bringing home one more doesnt mean they are replacing any, just adding another family member....much like parents of a toddler having a baby is not meant to replace their toddler, just adding to the family. If your dog was 3 yrs old, I wonder how you would feel then, still guilty as if you were replacing it? Our hearts are made to love more than just one person or one pet. Thats an ability humans have. If not, you'd love one parent and not love or connect with the other ever. Thats not how it works. You still have the choice to return the cat but if I were you, I would self examine my own thoughts, especially if you can admit to not feelings like your replacing the dog if the dog was younger and another pet was added. In this case, its a matter of faulty thinking and guess what dear, we all do that from time to time, even adults. Humans tendecys are to think more negative thoughts than positive ones. Why, I dont know but it will serve you well throughout your life if you can learn to catch yourself thinking a negative thought that has no real base in reality as it is only there due to a reaction to an emotion, like fear, sadness, guilt, etc.... Those emotions, if allowed to rule your life with negative thoughts can and will hold you back in life from experienceing certain things, missing out on others, and remaining stuck in a rut and not moving forward in other areas. Just a thought for you to keep in mind, even if you do return the cat.

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