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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
How much cum does it take to get pregnant?
I mean can it be a little bit or does there have to be a lot of cum to make you pregnant?
The Answer
Pregnancy happens when a sperm from the male, makes contact with an egg from the female.
Semen (cum, if you want to use the playground word for it) can contain hundreds of millions of sperm. And it only takes one of those, to reach the egg, to begin a pregnancy.
So, a little bit can cause pregnancy. Even a very, very, tiny little bit, can possibly cause pregnancy. A lot of semen, is more likely to cause pregnancy then a little bit. But a little bit can still get the job done.
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The Question
My wife and I were got married on September 19, 2008. Though in total we've been together for 6 years. My wife left me for another man, kicked me out of the house we were renting, and moved him in not a week later. When I asked her what went wrong, what did I do? She said it was all her, and that I didn't do anything, this is just her.
My heart has never been so broken, despite the fact she's cheated on me twice before. I want our marriage to work, I want to reconnect with her and work through this. I know I am trying to find out what I really did, and I'm having problems. Is it that I was too nice or too forgiving in the past? That boundaries were never set?
How do I get my wife back, while she's living with the other man she had the affair with? I miss her terribly, and the lonliness is unbearable.
It is not like this man is any better of a catch. He is married, with 2 kids, just got out of jail for armed robbery, and I think he may have just been using her to get out of his halfway home. He doesn't have a job, or a car, or any source of income. I worry about her constantly being with him, I just want her back. What do I do????
The Answer
I agree with Michelle, this girl will probably come crawling back eventually, but what kind of deal is that for you?!
She's cheated twice before, and chucked you out of your own home. I imagine she wants your marriage to work too, she wants it too keep working the way it is, where she gets everything she wants, and you get to be miserable whenever what she wants isn't you.
You might have been too forgiving, but it's not your fault that she has behaved like a monsterous bitch, agian. That is HER fault. That makes HER a lousy human being.
Get into therapy to deal with your low self esteem and pick up a hobby to help take the edge off your loneliness.
You are the designer of your own fate: If you keep choosing misery over this underserving woman, you'll keep getting that misery.
The first step to feeling better about yourself, is to start treating yourself better. And that means leaving this woman in all her infinite varities of selfishness and abuse, in the past.
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The Question
Hello there! Recently i have gone to a famous chat advice website here where i live and this is how it went (bear with me);
Anna : My parents are hardcore christians and i grew up in this family. We came from ukraine when i was 6 years old and since then i havent changed one bit.
Anna : My mother..she wants me to go to church every sunday
Anna : and does not allow me to get earrings, get my hair done, etc.
Anna : Now the problem i have is
Anna : I had to grow up really early
Anna : I am only 17 now and i feel like im 23 inside and i just want to be myself
Anna : but i dont want to hurt my mother
Anna : and ive tried to talk to her
Anna : about it
Anna : she just starts crying and makes me feel guilty
Anna Netesova: for instance..she accused me of being cold hearted because i got offended that she told me to put a robe on..even though im wearing sweatpants and a high shirt thats baggy
Anna : I dont drink
Anna : I dont smoke
Anna : I dont go out
Anna : I dont even have any friends because she wont let me have any other then christian ones
Anna : i dont have a boyfriend
Anna : i dont fuck around, pardon my language
Anna : Its stressing me out and im getting very frusterated
Anna : its been going on for awhile
Hope Coach: You are growing up and becoming your own person. Your mom will eventually have let you. At the same time your mom is older and wiser. While extreme, she is your mom and you do need to respect her
Anna : I do respect her
Anna : I just want her to leave me alone! I'm a teenager and i need space
Anna : but she just doesnt get that!
Hope Coach: You will soon be old enough to go to move out and go to college. Hang on til then and you will be able to spread your wings
Anna : What can i do until then? I feel claustrophobic in this house. Shes always trying to get me to go to church but i feel like all the people there are fake to me. I do believe in god yes but the christian god..he has betrayed me and thats another story.
Anna : I just..i cant get back into that scene
Anna : it hurts me trying to pretend
Anna : ive tried telling her this
Hope Coach: She is right you need to be in church
Hope Coach: you don't go to worship people
Hope Coach: you go to worship God
Hope Coach: God has NOT betrayed you
Hope Coach: Sounds like mom is right to be concerned
Hope Coach: your path is not good
Anna: I'm not a bad person. I don't do bad things.
Anna: I'm nice to everyone
Anna: I know the entire
Hope Coach: You're disobeying God
Anna: commandments
Anna: and i follow them
Hope Coach: so does the devil (that is know the commandments)
Now my question is this; what should i do about the problem i originally had, that my coach did not answer and why the hell would someone shove god into advice? I have been there, done that i just cant believe that god can just up and fix my problems if i believe in him (which i have and believe ME he does not.)
The Answer
You can take God right out of it, and some of the advice you got is still good.
It's true that God won’t up and fix your problems. If God were in the habit of up and fixing problems, I'd hope he would deal with the billions of staving, or the child soldiers first, but clearly that isn't happening either.
So ignore those bits.
And remember these ones:
Your mother is not going to change. You know this. You know arguing with her is pointless.
Your mother loves you, as screwed up as her approach to expressing that love might be, she does love you.
Your mother is in charge, at least for now.
So your job isn’t to change your mom’s mind, or to make her listen to you because she loves you. Your job is to endure, as best you can, her crazy, messed up, over the top expressions of her love and values, until you are in charge of your own life, and can live by your own values.
Your job is to find peace, and to not take other people’s craziness, personally.
Your job is take a deep breath when you mother cries for no good reason, and to NOT feel guilty unless you’ve actually done something wrong.
Your job is to apologize, even if she was more wrong, when you feel you have made an error.
Your job is to be good to her, even when she isn’t good to you.
Your job is to respect your mother enough to swallow a bit of nonsense. I’m very serious about this. Take a deep breath and go to church. It’s part of the price of living in your mother’s home as a minor. I still bow my head while they pray at the family dinner table, and I go to mass when I’m home on high holidays. It’s part of being a junior member of my family. It doesn’t mean I believe in these things, but it’s also not a waste of my time: It’s one of the ways I show respect to the people who took care of me and love me. You can sit there and fantasize about being a super hero if you want. You are right that no one can make you believe anything you don’t. But they can, and they will, make you go to church. So go, and be gracious about it.
Finally, I’m not sure exactly what the one problem you were asking about here was, but if I was you and I was seriously struggling with my faith, I wouldn’t go for advice to a faith-based website. Faith is wonderful thing is many people’s lives, but as you said, God doesn’t do your math homework. If you are seeking more in-depth answers then what your faith leaders can provide, start asking at secular places.
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The Question
15/f
okay, so i have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 weeks now. we just hungout a couple of days ago and we started making out and he fingered me and i gave him a hand job. first time giving someone a handjob. okay so now i have finally realized what happened. and i feel disgusted in myself. i notice that its probably way too soon to do any of this. now i feel depressed and now im avoiding him because when i told my friend she said that she gives us 2 weeks until we have sex. im scared of having sex but when we get into it, hormones take over. so now i dont know what to do. and i can't tell him the way i feel. i am number one person who can't do confrontations.
The Answer
If you can't tell him how you are feeling, then you can't be in a relationship with him.
Talking about your problems, and discomforts, and putting down some bounderies is part of what a relationship is. Sometimes, it's the most important part.
If you can't do that, you better break up with him, soon. Because the problem isn't going to go away without talking to him about it, and if you just keep avoiding him until he dumps you, not only is that disrespectful and mean, it'll give you a bad reputation.
If you can't be honest about your views and feelings about sex, then you need to at least be honest with him and tell him that you can't be in a relationship right now.
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The Question
Hey Rahzie
I just wanted to add additional information to my question I didn't exactly add all of it because it would of been a novel.
I've tried to have a relationship with my father, I've called him, I've tried talking to him even going out one on one with him but he always pushes me away. It's sad to know that my dad and I sit in awkward silence when we see each other in person and I have to think of things to say just so I can try and find something we are interested in talking about. While I visit my father one on one the way I used too..All he seemed to want to talk about is how irresponsible my older sister is and how his wife and her don't get along. Overtime I have given up hope on having a relationship with my father, Since he picked up the phone and called my sister telling her to have a nice life while she was pregnant due to have a child within a month or so at this time I have completely lost respect for him. while my sister was in the hospital my dad still didn't care to even congradulate her.
I like your advice and would like to know what you have to say to this. Advice is apprechiated
thank you so much
The Answer
It's always tough when two people in a family fight, it's even worse when it's a parent that fucked up, I think you just need to remember that your relationship with your Dad can still be YOUR relationship with your Dad, even if he's messed up his with your sister.
It would be perfectly fair and legitimate for you to say this to your father:
"I don't want to hear about your disagreement with my sister. I appreciate it's a big deal for you but it's painful for me to listen too. We're all adults here and your relationship is between the two of you and I don't want to hear about it."
If he tries to argue with you about it, or justify his behaviour, repeat as needed
"Dad, I want to talk to you, and have a relationship with you. I don't want to hear about your relationship with my sister."
And repeat, and repeat and repeat, gently, until he gets it.
Don't blame. Don't try to tell him what he could have done better. He's not a complete idiot. He knows there is no excuse for not acknowledging the birth of a child. You don't need to tell him that you know it too. Just let him sit in misery if that is his choice. Once he’s learned to respect your boundaries about this topic, you might be able to say to him, gently, that if he isn’t happy with his relationship with your sister, maybe he should try to reach out and change it.
You’ll probably never have the relationship with your father that you want, but I also caution against cutting off all communication. That is a breeding ground for hate and pain. Instead, focus on making your conversations as painless as possible. First, by making it clear you don’t want to hear about his disagreements with your sister, and secondly, go ahead and brainstorm before you call him! Write down a list of things you could maybe talk about, or things you know might interest him to talk about. Write down a list of things that happened in your own life to mention. Also, if it helps, have a set time when you need to get off the phone. Call him at 7pm, knowing you must be off the phone by 7:45 or something like that. Keeping phone calls short isn’t a crime, and having a set period of time you’ve decided to be on the phone might help you both feel more comfortable, rather than feeling the pressure of having nothing to say, but that you feel like you haven’t talked long enough yet…
It's completely okay to be dissapointed in your Dad. Some of what he's done sucks the big one. Just remember it's entirely up to you to try and build the relationship you want. You know he isn't going to do the hard work. You know it's going to take a lot of effort on your part. But if you take a deep breath, and maturely accept that, and decide just how much effort you are willing to put into it, you'll be in a better and happier place to deal with him.
Good luck with it.
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The Question
About 7 months ago I was at my best guy friend's house and we were talking. One thing led to another and I ended up losing my virginity to him that night. I had never messed around with anyone before and so it was a big deal for me. He, on the other hand, had been with a few girls before and had been diagnosed with HIV a couple of years ago. I knew him when he was diagnosed and remember thinking it was really awful. It was pretty devastated at the time.
Anyway, when we had sex we used a condom so I wouldn't get HIV or AIDS and I wouldn't get pregnant. They were normal condoms--nothing ribbed or ultra thin.
Well, over the past few months I've been really sick and it was like I couldn't shake it. I didn't know what was up with me and so I ended up going to the doctor. He couldn't figure out what was wrong right away so they took some blood samples and decided to test for STDs since I had lost my virginity.
My doctor called me this morning and told me I need to come in so they can talk to me about my results. I practically had to beg him to tell me what was going on over the phone. He ended up saying that I needed to come in tomorrow if possible and asked if my partner (the guy I lost my virginity to) had HIV or AIDS. I told him yes but we used a condom and the doctor told me that I had contracted HIV and that I need to come in urgently so they can talk to me about it and figure out their plan of action in treatments.
Obviously I haven't seen my doctor yet and I plan on going on Wednesday to see him (today is Monday) but I can't figure out how I contracted HIV from my best guy friend if we used a condom! I made double sure that the condom didn't break and our sex only lasted like 5 minutes because it did hurt to lose my virginity. I don't get it.
How did I get HIV? We used a condom, it didn't break, and we only had sex ONCE for 5 minutes! What happened?!
The Answer
Unfortunately, nothing is perfect. Condoms provide very good protection, but not perfect protection.
Condoms are less effective if they are past expiry date, or stored incorrectly. Something that can easily be the case if the sex was unplanned...
It's also possible to get HIV from oral sex, especially if you engaged in that without protection.
So talk to your doctor, as I assume you did yesterday. I know it’s devastating and shocking, but HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was. People testing positive for HIV today can expect to live a normal life span, but you’ll need to adjust to what this means for your lifestyle, heath and relationships.
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The Question
I am bad at relationships and I never know what I am doing wrong In relationships. I have never had a relationship last longer than 2 months. I am eighteen years old and all of my friends think that I am a "player" but I have no idea where they are comming from. I Do have alot of girls that like me, but I have a certain standard and only about 2% of the girls that have liked me meet those standards. Should I lower my standards?
Looks aren't on the top of my list, but like everyone else knows, it's a nice bonus. I am a baseball player and everyone that likes me is always hanging on other guys and I don't think that that is cool.
The Answer
If you can't articulate your standards in less then three sentences, you need to re-evaulate them.
If your standards include a lot of NEVERs or ALWAYs you might need to lighten up.
If you think being in a relationship means she's not allowed to ever be friendly to other guys, or if you think girls who like you must have never in the past, or in the future, ever liked any other guy you know, you need to get over that one in a big hurry.
Setting the standard of 'not using drugs' makes sense. Setting the standard of 'never used drugs even once' is a bit prohibative and you might miss out. Seting the standard 'must be nice' might make some sense, but setting the standard 'must never have flirted with one of my teammates' is just nit-picky and judgemental. Met a nice girl who flirted with someone you know last week? That's all cool if she likes you more. Met a nice girl with a long-term huggy friendship with a guy, don't worry about it. If she isn't with him, she probably doesn't want to be.
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The Question
I am an eighteen year old male. My girlfriend wrote me a note this morning and it said,"I hate to tell you this but you have to know, York and Palmer kissed me today(yesterday). You have every tight to be mad but I feel horrible cuz I don't like cheating and I basically cheated on you.:( I am so sorry. I understand if you want to break up with me and never talk to me but again I am sorry. I am also sorry that this is so short but I have to go.
P.S. I understand if you don't want to but I at least still want to be friends." When I received this, I was heartbroken to no extent. I honestly think that I may have loved this girl. I have never told a woman besides my mom that I love her. A week ago we broke up because she was hanging all over one of the people listed above and we talked about it a few days later and laid out some ground rules. We have been together for three more days and on the fourth day she gave me this note. I haven't broken up with her yet, but I am pretty sure that I am. I have just put up with so much drama about her that I don't know if I can let her go. Please tell me what to do. I understand that you are going to tell me to break up with her but I need further assistance than that. Thank you in advance!
The Answer
Just dump her. Calmly as you can, and directly as you can. Say "You are right. We can't be togeather like this. Goodbye."
She doesn't want to be with you.
She's practically begging you to dump her. So I wouldn't worry too much about her feelings.
Sorry to be so harsh, but there it is. A girl who misbehaves, then agrees to not do it agian, and then DOES do it agian, doesn't want to be with you.
I know you are hurting, but don't take it personally. Sounds like she doesn't want to be with anyone, she wants to mess around. It's her fault for not realzing that and being honest with you before now. That's her immaturity and disrespect. The only thing you can do is hold your head high, act with maturity and respect, and end it swiftly and clearly.
Just don't feel too bad about dumping her. Just do it as firmly and gently as you can, and don't agree to be friends agian until you feel you are ready. Let her know you'll contact her when you are ready for friendship, and leave it at that.
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The Question
My boyfriend of a year and a half is a wonderful, funny, considerate man. (We live together, have lots of mutual friends and interests, and generally get along great.) However, I'm concerned that he has a very different kind of personality with his "guy friends," in particular a few that I have never met. Some of these men are old friends from his college fraternity, others are from his early bachelor days, and nearly all of them are sexist, cheating, womanizing guys (from my boyfriend's own admissions!). My boy has also admitted to lots of philandering and cheating in his past relationships. However, he has always been good to me, and faithful (as far as I know).
My problem is that, because of this history and because he keeps in moderate touch with these men, I have a hard time trusting my boyfriend. I have stumbled upon a few emails in which he joins in some jeering conversation about his friend who "hit that the other night" or "scored" or cheated on his current flame. I even saw that my boyfriend once sent his friend a photo of his own ex-girlfriend, with the message "She was so hot. You wish you could get that."
I know that my boyfriend is committed to me, and it sounds like he is just playing along with old friends. Still, I find these interactions creepy. Even though they aren't about me, I keep wondering if and when they will start affecting my current relationship with this (so far!) wonderful person. Am I paranoid? Should I just base my relationship ONLY what's going on with us, or is it natural to worry about how he acts with other people? Knowing this about him is bothering me and has, so far, kept me from fully being able to trust him.
Thanks for your help!
The Answer
You're being paranoid.
Relationships don’t happen in a vacuum, so it’s certainly sensible to be aware of your partner’s interactions with others. If he treated his employees badly, or cheated his boss, these would be concerning personality traits.
But seriously, this 'moderate' contact with old friends is completely normal, and should be completely acceptable. (On that note: stumbling upon his e-mails is not acceptable. That should be avoided. Strictly.)
This otherwise great guy has a past. It's part of who he is. So are these friends. He IS different with them. The same way he IS different with you then he was with the women who came before you.
That doesn't mean he's cheater still, or that he is anything like these guys.
It does mean that these guys are of value to him, and that value needs to be respected.
I have high school friends who are homophobic, conservative nut bars, and I like them still. I disagree with them. I won’t live the way they do. But I still appreciate knowing what is going on in their lives, and we can joke about So You Think You Can Dance. Some of the people in my life that I am currently most intimate with, my best friends and my partner, would be deeply offended by the views and opinions some of these old friends hold. But it doesn’t matter. I’m not asking them all to hang out together. I just have coffee with old friends when I’m in town, exchange some e-mails and send them Christmas cards.
It's perfectly natural to worry, but it's mature to take a deep breath and let those worries go after taking a closer look at them and realizing they are baseless.
It might be concerning if he hung out with these guys a lot. Then you might want to ask him if he is really happy with his current lifestyle, or if he is clinging to one more like theirs. But if it’s just some e-mails, let it go.
Talk to him about as well, but recognize in yourself that it’s more your responsibility to make peace, trust and respect the choices of your partner, then it is his to reassure you on this matter. He isn't doing anything wrong. His behaviour in life should be reassuring, his correspondence with old friends is private and he’s entitled to it, and to do it privately.
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The Question
for about 4 years now my father hasn't exactly been around a lot, My older sister and my father had stopped talking due to my sister and his wife not getting alone and do not see eye to eye on things. They got in an arguement my dad called my sister and saying "Have a nice life" hung up the phone and they haven't talking in a few months now. A little while after this I've exspressed my true feelings towards my dad about how I also don't care for his wife and how I believe she is the reason that he and my sister had stopped talking. I've also exspressed to my dad that I think she is the reason that my dad and I don't have much of a relationship. "He never calls me...maybe if I'm lucky he'll call once a month.." I haven't seen him in months. It's been this way for years but lately worse and worse... I partly blame him for not having the balls to pick up a phone to see how I am doing...I'm really fed up with it. I don't know what to do, I can't tell if he's playing games with me or if he calls me because he feels he HAS too. I don't know what to do anymore and this whole thing has caused a great amount of stress on me.
The Answer
Honestly, it sounds like your father isn't the only one playing head games.
If it's important to you, that you speak more often then you two already do, then you are just as responsible for picking up the phone as he is.
In fact, you are MORE responsible for it, because you are the one with the problem, you have more responsibility to be part of the solution.
We could spend a lifetime trying MAKE people love us the way we want to be loved. Or, we can be gracious and loving ourselves, and accept love the way they are able to give it to us.
If you don't want to call your father, fine, don't. If you don't want him to call you, tell him so, gently. He's been calling all this time because you asked him too, so don't be bully now that you've changed your mind. Even if you want nothing to do with him, the man you've described here doesn't deserve your hate.
As imperfect, screwed up and even flat out asshole as he can be, take a deep breath and realize that just because he doesn't show love the way you want him too, doesn't mean it's not there.
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The Question
I need to know how much I will lose if I don't eat for a week? I researched it, and most people say 21lbs...I know that it is a dangerous thing but I tend to drink water a lot anyways and maybe eat a K bar ever once and awhile. I'm also trying to fast. is there anything I should know?
The Answer
Yes.
You should know that ambulance rides can be very expensive and figure out if your insurance covers them or not. And that fainting really scares everybody around you.
2 to 3 pounds is the most a person should aim to loose in a week unless they are morbidly obese. To lose more than that, you should be speaking to a doctor, and your weight loss should be guided and monitored by a professional.
If you actually attempt not to eat for a week, I hope you faint early into day three, so you don't do yourself any serious harm before you end up in a doctor's office getting a stern talking too. I also hope you have competent parents who get you some actual help for your weight, and a therapist to help talk you out of such things in the future.
It's good that know it's dangerous. You seem to be missing the part where it is stupid and doesn't work. If you put your body into starvation mode like that, you’ll gain it all back the moment you begin to eat again. If you don't eat again, while then you've crossing the line from dangerous and stupid, to deadly and suicidal.
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The Question
17/f
My boyfriend broke up with me and I am having trouble figuring out why. I met Jake when I was lifeguarding a little over a month ago and he hit on me and was like "hey beautiful" and was completely smitten (like really...haha the other guards were teasing him about it) and told the other guards he felt this connection with me, etc. He even asked me to marry him that day. He asked me out and just two weeks later we became boyfriend and girlfriend. He always told me that he could see me being his girlfriend for awhile, would text me everyday, and just was an overall really great boyfriend.
He has had A LOT of girlfriends/hook ups while I have never had a boyfriend before and only kissed two guys before him. We are really different in the sense that I'm really conscious about my grades (i have a 4.0) he barely has a 3.0, he is a "hardcore" kid or whatever and goes to hardcore shows while i'm really "preppy" or whatever. we also go to different schools and live about 20 minutes away from each other.
i brought this up the day he went out, i told him i'm not into drugs and he told me he isn't either anymore, that he used to be a bad kid but he has changed. he told me he still does smoke but only two cigarettes a day, and that i would be his incentive for him to stop. i also brought up the distance and he kept insisting it's not that far away.
everything seemed to be going pretty okay, but we only got to see each other once a week since he is a senior and his parents wanted him to get his gpa up so i could only see him on weekends. what we would basically do is watch a movie/talk/makeout. before we did anything he told me that he liked me a lot and wanted to take things slow. he also told me whenever he was kissing me that i could say "get the fuck off of me jake" and that i didnt even have to kiss him if i didnt want to and that he just liked spending time with me. he would say so many romantic things when we were kissing like "i could do this all day" one day he started to finger me and he asked if it made me uncomfortable and if it did that i could just tell him to stop.
last week i met his sister and best friend. when i asked him what they thought of me he said his sister loved me and that was the very first time his sister had like any of his girlfriends, and he said his best friend said i was "tight". for some weird reason after that day he seemed less interested in me. he didnt text me the day after and when he did text me he was really short with his answers. when i asked if something was wrong he said "no why???" i said "okay nvm" and then he seemed suddenly worried and asked "no. what's up babe?" saturday was our one month and i hung out with him on friday night, he asked me if i wanted to go out to eat and that he wanted to take me out/pay for me but when i got there it didnt seem like he wanted to so i just told him i wasnt that hungry and we just went in his basement and watched a movie/made out. he then asked me since it was like our one month if i wanted to try anything, and i said sure...he could do what he wanted but if it made me uncomfortable i would tell him to stop. he started to go under my shirt/feel my chest and i told him "i'm not ready!" and he seemed disappointed but he stopped. then he unbuttoned my pants and started to finger me on top of my underwear and asked me if i was sure i didn't want him to go under (hes always done it on top of my underwear) and i said i'm sure. then later we were making out and he put my hand on his crotch and i started rubbing it. i asked him if it felt good and he said yeah but just do it a little harder next time. then later he asked me if i wanted him to pull down his pants so i could give him a better handjob but just on top of his boxers so i said okay and i think i did a better job and i told him "i don't know what i'm doing...i havnt done this before" and i asked him if it felt good and he said yeah and i'm pretty sure he was hard too so i could tell.
when we were just cuddling and watching the movie i kept asking him about his sexual experiences and for some reason it seems to have bothered him. i asked him if he remembered his first blowjob...if he has hooked up with a lot of girls...if they were from his school...if they were spontaneous hookups...if it was true that he hooked up with this girl in the guard office closet. before i left he kissed me and i was about to leave and i asked him "you liked everything? like it felt good?" and he was like "yeah! we'll talk about this later though you'll freeze." (it was raining/cold outside)
the next day he broke up with me in a text saying that i didnt seem comfortable with his lifestyle at all...but that i was an amazing girl and that i was gonna make a guy really happy and all of this bs. i was really angry and called him and he kept saying "you didn't seem comfortable about my past...plus we are too far away and only get to see each other once a week (something i reminded him the day he asked me out and he said he didnt care) and said i don't seem comfortable with his drinking (something said i didnt mind unless he drove) and said its hard for him to have a girlfriend because he needs to get his grades up and focus on college. i said i could come over more if he wants and could help him study, etc. but he wasnt even trying to make it work and just seemed set on breaking up with me. i asked if the questions i asked last night had anything to do with him breaking up with me and he said sort of.
so i'm basically asking...why did he break up with me? do guys hate it when girls ask about their past? he was COMPLETELY head over heels for me before...i cannot stress this enough. (his friend/the other gaurds would tell me this and would tell me how cool it was that people could see that we were in a relationship together on facebook) was it possible that his friend didn't like me anymore and was just lying when he said that he thought i was cool? i asked him if there was another girl and he said no...i asked him if he didnt think i was pretty anymore and he kind of scoffed and said that wasn't it at all and that he told me from the start that he thought i was beautiful. was i being too nosy asking all of those questions? or did he break up with me because he thought i gave a bad hand job/thought i was a bad kisser/thought i was too inexperienced? i also asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits and he said he doesnt do that and kept mentioning "pressure" or something when he was with me...he also says that he felt that we went out so quickly and that he wishes we got to know each other better before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. the breakup seemed random when he seemed into me the night before/we went farther than we have ever gone before. he seemed so set on having a long serious relationship with me. what is the deal?
by the way, saturday he went to a hardcore show or whatever and a girl gave him a blow job im pretty sure. they are talking and im pretty sure going to be hooking up. i feel so hurt that he went from me to this slut.
The Answer
He's too immature to be in a relationship.
The idea that you might actually have some shit figured out in your own life, and were willing to express that, and interested in his opinions, scarred the shit out of him. He either doesn’t have any opinions to share with you on what is an okay way to live and what isn’t, or he didn’t know how to stand up for his opinions.
He threw it back on you, and said ‘You weren’t comfortable.’ because that is much easier then saying 'I rather not think about why I do the things I do.'
Once you start getting physical with someone, it’s time to start asking that someone gently about their experience and opinions. You were right to do that.
You can think about your own behaviour if you want, look over it and decide if you could have done anything better or differently, but in the end, don’t beat yourself up over anything (and it wasn't that you bad at the sex stuff, I guarantee you it's wasn't that).
Also take this away from this experience: A guy who asks you to marry him the first day you meet him, even as a joke, isn’t cute, he’s just confused. A guy who falls head over heels in a week, can often fall away just as fast.
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The Question
This experience is new to me, therefore the reason I feel creeped out. I've been living in my current house (With my parents, I'm 16) for about a year and a half. When we moved in, I found out about the history of the house, seeing as it is renovated, it still has the original flooring on the first floor, original walls...and interesting characters that lived here. Regardless to the details of the previous inhabitants, this house has a feeling to it.
Recently, more specifically in my room and the hallway beside my room have been...well, excuse my French, but f**cking eerie. That is the best word I can come up with, maybe supernatural is better? Either way, my cat behaves weirdly in the hallway outside my room. He'll just hiss, whilst obviously staring at something in the air, which, apparently I am oblivious to. Okay, that I can handle. In my room, where three inhabitants have killed themselves, I get cold feelings. You may think I'm paranoid, and I was pretty sure I was myself, it seems near impossible now. It's not like I'm constantly thinking about it, I'll be sitting here, on my laptop, not thinking about this paranormal issue, with my window and door closed, and suddenly it'll be freezing. Few seconds later, it'll be back to normal. And no, I don't have some medical condition that gives me the shivers or whatnot.
Also, I see some strange lights, flashes. I don't know how to define it. Just the other day, I was lying on my bed, reading a book, home alone, so no sibling disturbance, and I just see a flash pass my eyes. It wasn't the street lights, or any cars. It was in broad daylight and so far, I have yet to come across something that could've caused this. Prior to last week, I've experienced this flashy encounter about four more times.
I'll just remind you that I'm not thinking about these occurrences. They are rarely on my mind, only after some thing's happened. I'm not exactly spiritual, but I do believe there's something out there. I'm not religious either.
I guess the worst part is the creaky floorboard happenings. At one part of my room, there is a floorboard or two that creak when you step on them. Directly, if you stand next to them, the floor doesn't make a sound. There have been countless times that the boards have creaked, in manner of somebody walking across them, but naturally, I'll be in the room alone. This is just disturbing at the moment of action, after that I just forget about it.
My dad admitted that he's had a few weird feelings in this house as well, thinking they are paranormal, but I did not know this until about a month ago when I asked him about his opinion on the house.
My main question is, and I just realized how long my introduction was, please accept my apologies, what do you think is going on?
Anything I should try or do?
Any specific reason why my cat would hiss at empty spaces, in one particular area of my house?
Whatever you have to say or propose, feel free, I'm not going give harsh ratings because I disagree. I'm open to anything :)
The Answer
There are a whole bunch of factors that could be at play here.
You live in an old house, and when the idea of ghosts was introduced to you, you probably started to experience confirmation bias.
Confirmation Bias is one of the reasons we naturally read too deeply into coincidences.
Imagine this, Someone tells you that your grandmother was phycic.
That week, you think about that guy at the party last Saturday and then, he calls!
Or You think about that guy at the party last Saturday and you never hear from him again.
Which situation are you more likely to remember?
Our brain naturally remembers things that CONFIRM our earlier ideas (even if we don’t hold those ideas strongly yet).
I think you are also human, so you have, like all human beings, a hypersensitive agency-detection device.
Okay, what they hell does that mean? It means our brains are PROGRAMED to assume that there is an agent, or a living, thinking things, behind EVERYTHING. Agency is the capacity for a begin to make choices and to impose those choices on the world. Basically, it’s the ability to act.
It’s a good thing we assume everything is an agent from an evolutionary perspective. It kept our ancestors safe. Anything else that was an agent, was perceived as a threat, and anything that MAY BE an agent, was also, assumed to be a threat. Just to be safe. If you saw something in the dark, it was safer to assume it was a wolf, then the wind, just in case it was actually a wolf!
So, the moment there is even the slightest chance there might be something with agency, we assume it is. And we get a bit scarred.
So, were given the idea of ghosts, and COMPETELY without believing it or accepting in, your active little human brain went out searching for confirmation and in the search, it automatically ASSUMED agency, ‘cause that is what a well-evolved human brain does.
You might also be stressed out and a bit anxious, and seeking control by exploring subjective ideas. It’s much easier to experience control and understanding of subjective ideas, then the more objective trials and worries of life.
A study in the journal Science was published last year and found that when they asked people to recall a time when they felt anxious and out of control, they suddenly saw more patterns in random noise, accepted and assumed there were more conspiracies in newspapers they were given to read and imagined illusory correlations in financial markets than people who were not asked to think of times when they were out of control.
Our brain seeks control and organization. When we lack that in reality, we sometimes try to construct it in fantasy.
You can probably tell I don’t believe in ghosts. I believe that the human brain is amazing, and that neuroscience is one of the most exciting sciences out there...
If you want to read more along the lines of how and why your brain loves to think about the paranormal, pick up a copy of the Michael Shermer’s book, Why People Believe Weird Things. It’s an awesome read.
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The Question
I only have a 6 inch penis and im 13. i wanted to know if i could make it bigger.
- AJ
The Answer
You can't.
Anyone who says you can, without expensive, dangerous and painful sugury, is lying to you.
It cannot be done.
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The Question
i legally want to seperate myself from my parents. they are dead to me. i don't want to get into it, but yes, i AM sure, so please don't bother with that. the problems is that i don't know how to go about it. i live in england, and am 16. what are the legal requirements. all my family and friends live back in the US, and i have been sponsred to move there. by the time im 20 i'll be a US citezen. i don't mind waiting till then, but i want to know any thing and everyhting about it. i really hope you understand that this is my life, ao please take this seriosuly, and tell me everything you know evevn if you aren't 100% sure (just tell me, if that is the case). even tell me your own opinions (about the practicality of it, not whether i should do it, because im not reading about that okay?). tell me about you own experiences. i wanna know about cost, laws, etcs. my parents won't fight against it, so will it just be simple? thank you very much, it means a hell of a lot to me!
The Answer
Emancipation is a legal tool that exists to PROTECT a minor for the LEGAL decisions, choices and standing of ones parents and bestow on that minor, the legal obligations and rights, of an adult.
Emancipation in the uk requires a court order.
A court will order a minor emancipated ONLY if they can prove they are COMPLETELY and entirely finacially self-suffiecient (that means no finacially help, from anyone, no 'Oh, you can live here for free' or 'My boyfriend's mom is going to take care of me') and that thier home environment is "entirely unsuitable".
If your parents wont fight emancipation, forget about it: Just live as though you were.
Emancipation is costly, and it can take years. You are likely to be a legal adult before you manage to get it through the courts, even if you can prove you can make enough money to survive on your own (AND, still attend school, if you are so young that you are still legally required to be attending school).
If your parents won't fight you living AS THOUGH you were emancipated, then don't worry about the peice of paper and legal standing, just arrange your life in that way.
In short: You don't sound like you are a candidate for a court ordered emancipation. If your parents however, will allow you to live as an independant adult and you feel you need to, with their blessing you can just go do that.
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The Question
i have a urinary tract infection (UTI) and have a couple questions..
1. is it okay to have sex? i am on antibiotics and it doesnt hurt anymore to go pee so would it be okay for me and boyfriend to have sex?
2. my antibiotics say "take 1 pill twice a day"
can i take them both at the same time or do i have to space them apart? like take one in the morning one in the evening?
thanks!
The Answer
It's fine to have sex.
The medicine will work, much, much better if you space them well apart. (Really, your doctor should have given you this info when they prescribed them, if you are still uncertain, go back in and ask the pharmacists at least, they will know as well.)
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The Question
17/f I've liked this one guy for almost three years. He's two years older than me and we're pretty close friends. He's away at college, and every time he comes home to visit friends, he flirts with me. I'm not gonna complain about that, but he's told me a million times that he doesn't want a long-distance relationship. It's quite annoying.
I've been trying to accept the fact that we'll probably never seriously date, but his flirting keeps giving me false hope. Should I continue to pursue a relationship with him or give him up for good?
The Answer
Give up, and shut down the flirting.
You've learned something important about yourself: You don't take alot of pleasure in pointless flirting. Some people really like it! But you don't.
Cool. Damn good self-knowledge to have.
So, when he flirts, give a bit of a cold shoulder. If he asks why, tell him straight up "You've told me you don't want a relationship, and I'm not really interested in a lot of pointless flirting. It gives people the wrong idea, including me! Let's just be friends okay?"
And then, just be friends.
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The Question
17/f I recently got a job babysitting this little girl and I watch her twice a week and I get paid $40 a week so it's not bad and by the end of the month so anytime I want something my mom now goes "well you have money" and I'm not trying to sound like a little princess but I don't think that's fair because before I hadthe job she would buy it. I want to save the money for more expensive items. What can I say to her?
The Answer
It's not unfair. It's just different than it was.
Frankly, you've got no standing here. It's her money after all. It's perfectly fair. By law she is really only required to feed and clothe you, and she's not even required to do either of those praticularly well.
You could try to explain your saving plan, and perhaps, if she feels what you are saving it for is important enough, she'll be supportive of that.
But I think it's probably time for a larger discussion, where you and your Mom draw up a list of things you mother is willing to pay for (or, how much money she is willing to put towards things each month) and then you know that you are expected to make up the difference.
You aren't a child any more, there are a lot of perks to that, and a few downers. You have to embrace both with maturity and sense.
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The Question
i am falling in love with a man. the feelings are crazy and ive honestly never felt this way about any one else. there is only one problem, the sex. ive had wonderful sex in my past and the sex with this guy is just not good. i dont even find myself wanting to sleep with him. i want to fix it sooo bad; i just do not know how. any tips?
The Answer
Talk!
Talk!
TALK!
I know it's hard, but Hope is NOT a plan.
So talk it out. You might start with the very simple question:
"Honestly, what are your thoughts on our sex life?"
The trick to these difficult conversations, is to make sure it's clear that they are two-way thing, you might be the one who really feels the need to share the problem, but he's got a equal right to think and share his opinions and perspective. It's not about you telling him what to do, it's about you both sharing, aloud and clearly what you like in bed.
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The Question
I have a friend and neighbor. I am 36. She is 32.several months ago I was going through mid-life crisis and she has a life time medical disorder. I also have diabetes. I did something her family did not like without consciously knowing I did it. Her parents live on the other side of town and 60 days ago told me to refrain from having contact with her. I abided and 10 days later sent the three of them an apology letter explaining what I was going through. did not hear anything. about 10 days ago I ran into her parents at the local Walmart and asked if we could talk for a few. Her mom's boyfriend said NO(in a tone meaning Drop Dead I think). While the girl and I friends I kind of told her how I felt and let her know I was going to ask her out, but decided to just remain friends. Since that day she was pushing me away everytime I asked her if she wanted to do something. I believe she was hiding behind her medical problem using it as a excuse. We would make plans and then she would keep me hanging for days. I would like to have her back as only a friend but do not want any legal trouble. Her family told me that if I did have contact with her they would charge me with stalking. I don't believe I have done anything seriously wrong. can any one help? I should also mention that the girl is going through painkiller withdraw and having problems. thank you.
The Answer
From what you've said you haven't done anything seriously wrong, yet.
But it's now been made VERY clear to you where you stand.
Just give up. Leave her alone.
From this point on, you would be definately be haressing her. So leave her completely alone.
Give up trying to make them think you are an okay guy. They aren't going too.
Give up on having contact with her.
She doesn't want it, at all.
She doesn't want to be your friend.
It's clear you make her uncomfortable, uncomfortable enough that her family is freaking out.
Whatever her reasons are for that, are none of your bussiness. You'll have to accept not knowing.
No excuses. No justifications. No reason at all for contact. Leaveing her alone is the only respectful, decent thing to do.
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