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Advice on religion and family.
Hello there! Recently i have gone to a famous chat advice website here where i live and this is how it went (bear with me);
Anna : My parents are hardcore christians and i grew up in this family. We came from ukraine when i was 6 years old and since then i havent changed one bit.
Anna : My mother..she wants me to go to church every sunday
Anna : and does not allow me to get earrings, get my hair done, etc.
Anna : Now the problem i have is
Anna : I had to grow up really early
Anna : I am only 17 now and i feel like im 23 inside and i just want to be myself
Anna : but i dont want to hurt my mother
Anna : and ive tried to talk to her
Anna : about it
Anna : she just starts crying and makes me feel guilty
Anna Netesova: for instance..she accused me of being cold hearted because i got offended that she told me to put a robe on..even though im wearing sweatpants and a high shirt thats baggy
Anna : I dont drink
Anna : I dont smoke
Anna : I dont go out
Anna : I dont even have any friends because she wont let me have any other then christian ones
Anna : i dont have a boyfriend
Anna : i dont fuck around, pardon my language
Anna : Its stressing me out and im getting very frusterated
Anna : its been going on for awhile
Hope Coach: You are growing up and becoming your own person. Your mom will eventually have let you. At the same time your mom is older and wiser. While extreme, she is your mom and you do need to respect her
Anna : I do respect her
Anna : I just want her to leave me alone! I'm a teenager and i need space
Anna : but she just doesnt get that!
Hope Coach: You will soon be old enough to go to move out and go to college. Hang on til then and you will be able to spread your wings
Anna : What can i do until then? I feel claustrophobic in this house. Shes always trying to get me to go to church but i feel like all the people there are fake to me. I do believe in god yes but the christian god..he has betrayed me and thats another story.
Anna : I just..i cant get back into that scene
Anna : it hurts me trying to pretend
Anna : ive tried telling her this
Hope Coach: She is right you need to be in church
Hope Coach: you don't go to worship people
Hope Coach: you go to worship God
Hope Coach: God has NOT betrayed you
Hope Coach: Sounds like mom is right to be concerned
Hope Coach: your path is not good
Anna: I'm not a bad person. I don't do bad things.
Anna: I'm nice to everyone
Anna: I know the entire
Hope Coach: You're disobeying God
Anna: commandments
Anna: and i follow them
Hope Coach: so does the devil (that is know the commandments)
Now my question is this; what should i do about the problem i originally had, that my coach did not answer and why the hell would someone shove god into advice? I have been there, done that i just cant believe that god can just up and fix my problems if i believe in him (which i have and believe ME he does not.)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Your mother sounds emotionally upset. Church wont hurt but you need to compramise with your mother ask her. If I attend church I would like to be able to make some friends and go out once in a while and wear appropiate clothing that I like. Things like that. tell her you like going to church. I dont go to church I have two kids and im pregnant ( im 18) your mother is probably trying to protect you from people like I was growing up. but you are growen up and can make your own decisions. stand up for your self while still respecting your mother. if she starts crying dont feel bad say i am sorry if this upsets you but I am a teenager and i dont want to be friends with only people who have to go to church or who is a christian. etc. good luck.
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Now i know this is not going to be good on me and i know its oing to come back and bite me but here goes...
You really have to be carefull where and who you get advice from. Even here. I try so hard in not to mention advice...i instead give my opinion because its just my thought. I dont know if youre ann but i will tell you one thing everyone has a very diffrent view on God from catholics to christian to muslims it doesnt matter but everyone views God in an incredible diffrent way .
In this case you mention christian. depending on what your cultural background is it will effect the religion and belief. My opinion is to always be patient and try to give yourself the opportunity to solve problems youd be amazed at how God made you capable of solving just about everything except death once your gone your gone. Your mom might give you a hard time and the only thing i can really say is from experience is try try try try and try. this works well with fathers too. for whatever reason my mom was the most strictest with me at a young age i had no clue why and felt unfair. as time passed i learned how to communicate with her, my sibblings werent treated as strictly and all of them dont talk to her, im the only one my mom has now and i dint take vengance on her thats not my job i now understand the stress and pressure she had in raising us and lets face it were not perfect we all make mistakes alot of our parents need help with us they also have questions and stresses and pressure and oh the list goes on and on... i guess what im trying to say is dont be so hard on yourself and on her. keep trying to talk to her reminding her that your her girl and even if you grow up you will always see and allow her to see you as that little girl, in other words remind her that you love her and that she loves you. talk talk and talk to her until you build a strong relationship with her i mean when you have a friend you talk right? and you grow feelings for one another? right? and you consider each others opinions anf feelings and views..i hope this helps really and ill understand your low grade
best wishes
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You can take God right out of it, and some of the advice you got is still good.
It's true that God won’t up and fix your problems. If God were in the habit of up and fixing problems, I'd hope he would deal with the billions of staving, or the child soldiers first, but clearly that isn't happening either.
So ignore those bits.
And remember these ones:
Your mother is not going to change. You know this. You know arguing with her is pointless.
Your mother loves you, as screwed up as her approach to expressing that love might be, she does love you.
Your mother is in charge, at least for now.
So your job isn’t to change your mom’s mind, or to make her listen to you because she loves you. Your job is to endure, as best you can, her crazy, messed up, over the top expressions of her love and values, until you are in charge of your own life, and can live by your own values.
Your job is to find peace, and to not take other people’s craziness, personally.
Your job is take a deep breath when you mother cries for no good reason, and to NOT feel guilty unless you’ve actually done something wrong.
Your job is to apologize, even if she was more wrong, when you feel you have made an error.
Your job is to be good to her, even when she isn’t good to you.
Your job is to respect your mother enough to swallow a bit of nonsense. I’m very serious about this. Take a deep breath and go to church. It’s part of the price of living in your mother’s home as a minor. I still bow my head while they pray at the family dinner table, and I go to mass when I’m home on high holidays. It’s part of being a junior member of my family. It doesn’t mean I believe in these things, but it’s also not a waste of my time: It’s one of the ways I show respect to the people who took care of me and love me. You can sit there and fantasize about being a super hero if you want. You are right that no one can make you believe anything you don’t. But they can, and they will, make you go to church. So go, and be gracious about it.
Finally, I’m not sure exactly what the one problem you were asking about here was, but if I was you and I was seriously struggling with my faith, I wouldn’t go for advice to a faith-based website. Faith is wonderful thing is many people’s lives, but as you said, God doesn’t do your math homework. If you are seeking more in-depth answers then what your faith leaders can provide, start asking at secular places.
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