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Always out for number 1
Hi... I am kind of upset so my writing might send of some type of emotional vibe...despite that i just want to say that I do think I a rational despite all this...
I had arranged with my parents to leave the house for the night so that I can invite a few friends over for a fright night movie marathon. I invited about 15 people over. It was a last minute thing and I kind of arranged this last night... Anyway so 3 declined because they were really scared and couldn't deal with it. my best friend said she couldn't cause she had to finish "homework" . the rest never answered. and one just said she wasn't coming. point blank and very blunt. My best friend really really upset me cause that afternoon she basically ordered me to take her to the mall to get "necessary stuff for tomorrow's homework night" (something she arranged and I have to buy the cake even though it's her place.. usually i wouldn't mind but some how when there is buying i always end up paying most of the time... she doesn't even offer unless she wants to claim it later... again i never mind in exchange for her trustworthy and loyalty... friends give and take) needless to say the trip's purpose ended up being her ride so she could go shopping for a few stuff and to see what stuff she need when sale happens. I got really upset because we didn't even get anything for tomorrow... she was too busy going into the stores she wanted so i ended up going with my other friend who happened to be there to prove a point. she didn't care, and was basically implying that i should go and she'll find me when she's done... so i ended up going with this girl and bought a few things. on the way out she was like oh that was productive i just gave her a look and said nah it's all unnecessary stuff really in hopes she'd get it, but all she said was what do you mean you went shopping didn't you you have bags. I just ignored her.
earlier that day (when i asked her if she went online to check the event and whether she was coming and she said no) i suggested that she go study then and come to my house later that night instead of going out now and studying tomorrow she came up with some lame excuse about why she couldn't or how night was the best time to study. when she wants something she enforces it. if she wants to come over she'll come up with a stupid plan why she's coming (usually implying that i'm the benefactor, like she's got food or we should study together -and we never do) even music its never what i want it is always what she wants... but now that i look back she never does anything i want. I am usually fine cause i am indecisive anyway but when there is a thing i want she always ditches and is blunt about it. I feel so bad because i never used to notice it. Gullible i guess... but i am really hurt. of 15 friends (all of whom know I would be there for them no matter what!) none of them show up? What should I do? I want to be assertive but I don't know how to... I am always nice cause I don't know how to be assertive without being rude. i am tired of people just using me... and i guess i know that i'll never be as giving anymore or let in someone close since deep down everyone is selfish (not because of this time but due to the fact that reoccurs over and over and over!) how do i just cut these people slowly without severing all ties completely to avoid drama.. honestly i gave up on people being selfless.. i just don't know how to control my emotions about this... i feel so stupid.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
you need to get angry or something! stop letting yourself be used as a doormat to people who really dont seem to care about you! you need to do some serious alone time and get yourself straight. this will be a lifelong pattern unless you get ahold of it. drop the people whom use you. what good are they too you anyways? why continue to let these people use you if your not getting anything back. you say friendship is about give and take. your giving and their taking and thats the end of that.
learn to say no to people. if you dont want to do something but there insisting, stand your ground!! refuse. you dont have to be an angry asshole bitch about it, but just say no, you dont want to. if they make a big dramatic deal about it, and put it back on you by saying things like "your suppose to be my friend", or "friends do this for eachother." dont listen to this! its a guilt trip. there trying to guilt you into to doing something for them. just tell them guilt trips dont work on you. if they claim they dont want to be your friend any more because of you saying no, that just goes to show what a shitty friend they really were. obviously you didnt mean that much to them.
so how to distance yourself. just stop hanging out with them. simple as that. dont give them dirty looks or say nasty comments, just treat them like everybody else. if they try to make a big deal about it, just ignore it. seriously just dont talk to them! it takes 2 too make drama. if your not giving in, then its not really drama. its just someone bitching. these people are going to fade away over time anyways and you wont even remember them as you get older.
and by the way you can be selfless without being a pushover.
you might want to watch this clip. its from scrubs and its of elliot (blonde girl) who is tired of being the pushover no one takes seriously. so she does whats right for her. its good empowerment
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Okay hun, first thing, relax a little.
This party was on short notice, a lot of kids either made plans, were busy, or didn't want to come. You can't take this too seriously. If it was extremely important and you really needed them, you would know what they would come. Movie nights aren't so much an emergency...
Next, don't be upset at your best friend because she didn't want to come. it's true, sometimes friends are lame and they hook up with other friends and seem to ignore you, but they are your friend because you bond on some level. Be so immature that you ruin a friendship because you feel like you never hang out, because friend ships are so much more than that.
Having said that though, its okay to say you don't want to do things with her too. If you want to go to the store, go for it, but if you dont, tell her you don't really want to. There is nothing wrong with being blunt about your likes and dislikes, a true friend would understand this and appreciate this at times too.
I suggest you plan another movie night for next month. Let everyone know in advance so they can plan around it. Rent a movie that people will enjoy, and you can even get treats with your bff before the party.
I hope you get feeling a little happier! Friendships can be difficult but they are very rewarding too! You care very deeply for all these people, and that is very kind of you.
Happy partying!
<3/ariannekp
17f
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