|
i feel gross
15/f
okay, so i have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 weeks now. we just hungout a couple of days ago and we started making out and he fingered me and i gave him a hand job. first time giving someone a handjob. okay so now i have finally realized what happened. and i feel disgusted in myself. i notice that its probably way too soon to do any of this. now i feel depressed and now im avoiding him because when i told my friend she said that she gives us 2 weeks until we have sex. im scared of having sex but when we get into it, hormones take over. so now i dont know what to do. and i can't tell him the way i feel. i am number one person who can't do confrontations.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
im sorry! the same thing just happened too me :/
]
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
At your age setting boundaries is absolutely important, especially when it comes to sex. If you are not ready for intercourse you should not feel pressured to do so or feel obligated to have sex with any boy just to keep him as your boyfriend. Doing so not only compromises your principals but as you have said makes you feel gross or dirty.
The sex play you and your boyfriend have participated in, which is called mutual masturbation, should be sufficient for to settle the raging hormones that he is feeling as he goes through puberty. If you are comfortable with him fingering you then you can continue with this until you BOTH are ready to go further in exploring both your sexuality and the world of sex. The nice thing about mutual masturbation is that you can do this without getting completely undressed. If you wish to continue with this and want to make sure you stay at this level then do so by only allowing him to finger you by putting his hand either down your pants or up your skirt depending on what you are wearing. I would recommend wearing pants at all times when on a date with him. If he wants to get totally undressed that is up to him. You should at the very least stay dressed from the waist down.
This is your body and you control what happens to it. You need to learn to say no. What I am about to say is going to sound silly but it works. I was a very successful salesman for 35 years and I have used this technique many a time. Go in your room and close the door. Stand in front of you mirror and practice what you will tell your boyfriend, say it out loud and watch your facial expressions. Say it and make your face say you mean it. You could say something like;
I am not ready for what we did on our last date. I allowed what happened to happen because I did not know how to say no and now I feel dirty and disgusted.
You can add on from there, but practice what you are going to say until you are comfortable with it and can say it with determination. Please believe me this works.
Why is an adult telling you it is okay to do this? It would be nice if all teenagers refrained from having sex until they were married. The fact is most of you if not all of you will not. Most of your parents, grandparents and their parents engaged in premarital sex. I believe it would be hypercritical of me as an advisor and an adult to say otherwise. What I tell all young women is not to compromise their principals and not to allow themselves to be forced to do anything they are not ready for. Sex is a beautiful thing when practiced between two CONSENTING individuals. The operative word is CONSENTING.
You feel depressed for one of two reasons:
1. You felt pressured into giving your boyfriend a BF and allowing him to finger him.
2. You were not ready for any of this to happen but did not know how to say no, which is another form of issue number 1.
As I said above, it is your body: You decide what happens to it. Never, ever allow anyone to force you or pressure you to do anything you are not comfortable with. When you are ready for sex make sure you get on some form of birth control and that the gentleman always uses a condom.
]
I'm not going to say that you're friend is wrong but just because he fingered you and you gave him a handjob doesn't mean you'll have sex soon. BUT if you have a problem with telling him no, she does have a good point.
You really need to work on your confrontation issues because when you are in a relationship you have to be able to tell the one you're with how you feel. If you don't you are probably going to be one unhappy girlfriend. Right now, the main thing you must do is tell your boyfriend how you feel and that you want to start to take your relationship slower because you guys are moving too fast. If you don't you'll be left with that self-disgusted feeling a lot more often. I hope that I helped.
]
If you can't tell him how you are feeling, then you can't be in a relationship with him.
Talking about your problems, and discomforts, and putting down some bounderies is part of what a relationship is. Sometimes, it's the most important part.
If you can't do that, you better break up with him, soon. Because the problem isn't going to go away without talking to him about it, and if you just keep avoiding him until he dumps you, not only is that disrespectful and mean, it'll give you a bad reputation.
If you can't be honest about your views and feelings about sex, then you need to at least be honest with him and tell him that you can't be in a relationship right now.
]
More Questions: |