HectorJr's advice column

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Q: I like this guy but I haven't really talked to him. My friend and him talk all the time and she got his yahoo for me. Would it be better if she asked him if she could give it to me, or if I just randomly add him, or neither because he would just flat out think it was weird? Your a guy so I need your advise, what would you think was weird, or not. You know what I mean? Him and I have talked before but we haven't for awhile, a long while, so...? What do you think I should do? Please help, lol. Thanks.

If it helps i'm 15 and he's 16.

First off thanks for dropping one in my inbox, feel free to do so any other time. I think you should tell your friend to ask the guy if it is ok to give you his screen name. I seriously don't think there is anything wrong with that, or even just randomly adding him and talking to him. Personally, I think thats cool and nice when somebody IMs me for a change.

So really don't hold back on talking to him. Guys don't think thats weird. Really, I go to an all guys school and I've never heard anyone say: oh the weirdest thing, this random girl instant messaged me yesterday. Nah, not weird at all. Go for it and good luck; really once you start talking you'll realize that getting his screen name or IMing him at first was no big deal at all. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I had been into a net relationship with a boy from Aus for the past 4 years. We never heard each others voice or ever saw each other (except thru the net pics we shared).Four years was a long time to me and I could not stand the pain of being away from my loved one for so long.I desperately loved him.There was a time when he took me for granted and stopped being in touch.But then he was sorry and came back.And he really changed. But loving a boy on the net so desperately and knowing that I would not be able to see him for the next few years was a real pain and so I backed off from the relationship. He asked for a reason and I gave it to him. His answer was something like..."Sweetheart, Thank you for replying back and wish you all the success for the future. I like to walk in the rain cuz no one can see me crying... Good Bye. Yours__Michael"
It was a pain to me too but I don't think he thinks so. Its so hurting. I've been a failure in relationships even in the past and I don't feel like going for a relationship ever again.But deep down I secretly long for a person to love me.Though I have a lot of really good friends, I long for someone who'll call me his own.I know I am loved and wanted but the feeling remains.I try to distact myself by engaging myself in activities but nothing helps.And I can just not stop crying and like to stay all alone. Please help me!!

Hey, first off realize that you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Don't think that you will never get over this, because eventually you will. You aren't expected to find the right person right away, because almost nobody does - that is what dating is for, to experiment. Don't let this or any other past relationship stop you from going at it again. Really think about it: if you made friends with somebody who turned out to be a jerk and made your life miserable...are you gonna not have anymore friends because of that? That would be unreasonable.

If you can find somebody to talk to it about, whether it be a sibling, a friend, or yes even your parents, I think it would help a lot. Ask your friends to do what they can to take you out and cheer you up. I'm sure they would be glad to help and wouldn't mind at all. Have fun! Doesn't matter with who or where, just go out and enjoy yourself and your friends. Don't be afraid to ask them to do that for you.

If you're weird like me, you can just listen to a lot of music (no not the depressing kind). It helps me because certain music puts me into a certain mood, and usually helps me forget about things. You need to find things that you like or liked to do and do them again. Find something fun and interesting to do and do that. Talk to people about it and don't let this stop you from having fun or going at it again. Don't actually go and find a particular bf, just go out to find a good guy friend. It takes time though. So enjoy yourself and cheer up - good things come to those who wait. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: How many calories do I need to maintain [sp?] in my regular diet if I'm 13, 5"7, and 127 lbs?

Thanks.

My best advice would be to consult your doctor about this. Yeah that means making a call or making an appointment, but I will tell you why.

Your body is still growing. Active or not, you will need those calories, and for teenagers it is usually more than 2000 a day. Could be less for you, could be more. That is why you should consult your doctor. While nutritionists say 2000 calories is a normal diet, that means normal to the average person. The average person has stopped growing, and therefore does not need as much.

Just to prove a point: athletes in the Navy are given 5000+ calories of food a day. Those not on sports get close to 3000. So yes it does depend on how active you are. Hope that helped, and you should really ask your doctor to get the right amount. What may be good for somebody else might not be good for you.

Q: What are the best games to play online?I only know of one and its rainbow six lockdown.Is there any games that are really good?

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tommorrow.

Q: okay so i got my ipod the other day when i was at my friends house, and she already had iTunes so i just put 100 of the songs i liked from her computer to my iPod. now my ipod is at my house, and im wondering if theres any way that i can transfer the songs on my ipod to my computer, because i want to have those songs on my ipod AND on my computer...so can anyone give me good directions to do that? thanks..it would be a big help.

Long process, but its worth it.
Control Pannel
Appearance and Themes
Folder Options
View Hidden Folders

Plug in your iPod
Open up My Computer
Open the iPod drive
Click on the Music folder
Folders will be listed F00 - F49
Open each of the folders, one by one, and copy and paste all those songs into the My Music folder of My Documents. Once all the songs are there, then you can highlight all of the songs in the My Music folder and drag it into the Library icon of iTunes and it will work.

Careful not to open the songs directly off of the iPod hard drive; in other words, the songs have to be somewhere on your actual computer before you play them. Hope that helped - drop one in my inbox if you need anything else or are confused.

Q: i babysit for my moms friend. they are awesome and so sweet but their house is a complete disaster. its duscusting! and not only the house but the kids are a mess to! they never wash up when i get there their face and hands are really dirty. there are three of them. and there is food all over the place. it looks like they havent cleaned their house in forever. and the mom doesnt have her priorities in the right order either. she has other stuff more important than her kids. she cant afford gas for her stove or even diaper wipes. and yet she can buy beeer and cigarettes and go to six flags. should i talk to them? if i do i dont know what to say because i dont want to be rude either. HELP NEEDED!

Jesser

This is tough. I think that if you really wanted to confront them about it, do it in a friendly matter; don't sound like you are condeming them, rather, that you are concerned for their well being.

Maybe you could start off by saying something like: hey it seems like you could use some help with the cleaning that needs to be done in the house. Let her know that you are concerned and are wondering if everything is ok. Instead of going all out and saying: you don't have your priorities straight and you are a mess, be polite and make it seem like you are worried. You aren't being rude by expressing your concern and worries for their well being...at least not as rude as being straightfoward and telling them what they are doing is wrong.

So while you are concerned and want to say something, don't expect too many results or a change...Ultimately the things they do with their kids and money is their decision, and if you go any further than just expressing how you feel about it, they might feel like you are being intrusive. If after you tell them about your concerns they take it well and don't seem offended at all, then maybe you could try asking why it is they do/don't do those things. If they are neutral or a bit offended, don't ask why. But other than that I don't see anything wrong with telling them how you feel, that is, without trying to make them feel guilty or anything. So give it a shot if you'd like, but remember to be polite about it, and not to take it too far. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I am a female gonna be 20 next month.Me and that guy we've been together for 4 months.In the beginning it was so beautiful we were like 2 little birds but by the end of may everything change even if i call him he does'nt wanna stay on the phone with me, not only that but everything change about him.I ask him to break up he doesn't wanna,he said dat he still has the same love that he had the 1st day we have met.Do you think he got another girl or wat?Cuz I don't know wat to do

Talk to him about all this and then go from there. Really, its wasteful to play the guessing game and try to pinpoint his emotions and thoughts and feelings on the things he does or says - thats why you should point them out and then ask him about it.

Take the time to sort out your own feelings and ask yourself if this is really what you want. If it is, then by all means stay. If it is not, then leave. There is no point in staying in the relationship just because he says to. The relationship has to be somewhat of a compromise, an agreement. To what? To both want to be in it. It simply will not work if you do not want to be a part of it anymore and stay just because he tells you to. If thats the case, then leave and let him go.

So see where this relationship is going. If you don't talk as much and he really doesn't want to talk to you, then is that even a relationship...is that even a friendship for that matter? Remember, if you can't even consider it a strong and close friendship, then 99% of the time it is not a good relationship. So talk to him and think things through, and remember that he cannot decide for you like that. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: If you anyone has DDR Max 2 for Playstation 2, please help. Does DDR Max 2 have the song "Candy♥" or "Can't Stop Falling in Love," "Drop the Bomb" or "Its Raining Men." ???? Thanks guys.

http://www.ddrfreak.com/versions/songlist.php?mix=103

Can't Stop Falling in Love is the only one on DDR Max 2.

Candy and Drop the Bomb is on DDR Max.

Not sure where It's Raining Men is on, but you could browse through that webiste and have a look if you'd like. Hope that helped.

Q: i'm a virgin, i'm 18 years old, i've been with my boyfriend for 8 months, and i've done everything but have sex, and lately when i'm in the middle of doing 'things' with my boyfriend i've had an extreme urge to have sex. i never let myself do it though, cause.. i dont know. how do i know if i should let myself do it or not?

You really don't I guess; and that is a decision you make before you get into anything at all that could lead up to it. You should decide this when you are calm and not really doing much, instead of during something you two might be doing. Why? Well because when you are sitting down and relaxed, you actually think about a lot more things. You ever hear the saying "well you should have thought about that before you ___", well that is kind of what I am talking about.

Maybe you could try going through some reasons why you would, and why you wouldn't. List them down if it makes it easier for you. Once you've come up with reasons why you would and why you wouldn't, choose the ones that mean most to you. That is totally up to you. Nobody can say to you: oh well if it feels right just do it; if you feel ready then go ahead. Of course you're not 100% sure if you are ready or if it feels right.

Go through the situation, possible outcomes, risks, etc. and go from there. There's nothing wrong with not giving in to your urges or having sex. So think things through, and not while you two are doing things, and follow what you think will result in what is best for you (and yes him too if you'd like); and for you that can mean having sex or not at all - I don't know so it really is up to you. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 16/f
So..how?
thanks, i rate

Be yourself. Anything that you would like a guy to do or that you notice is done to show interest, do it back. Feel free to call (if he allows it). Talk about things, and also give him the chance to talk so you can listen and learn. Ask him how things are going, and if he confronts you with a problem - remember it - and ask him about it next time you talk. Ask him what his thoughts or feelings are about different topics or ideas - doesn't have to be anything political. Smile. A lot. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Hi. Im 15/f
Here's my problem...How come I always get the wrong guys??and never have relationship longer than 2 weeks?
Like, one of my ex, he was all sweet and i thought he was the best and it could all work up to good relationship, but not even going on second day of going out, he tells me he have to move, and that we should stay just friends because long distant wont work...so i agree... then what do i find out? he didnt move and he asked one of my friend out!

but i got over that because he did/does drugs and drinks and stuff...

I also had another bf who did drugs and drinks...

And after long time, I finally met this guy who I thought was such a perfect guy...Even on the first day, we hit off so good. Like we had so much in common and he said he would rather prefer some romantic things over sex.

So I thought, wow this really could be it, but we dont live near each other, because I met him at where my mom works at, which is about 40 minutes away, but I would still get to see him over weekends, because he said he would come to see me since he can practically walk over to where I work at (which is where my mom works too)

So i thought great, and he asked me out in most cutest way, so i said yeah sure. Problem is, that he doesnt have his own phone, or so he says. So he has my phone number and he was going to do all the calling, because he said he can only use pay phone. But He did call me for two days, which is how long we have been dating, but now he doesnt even call anymore. And once, he had told me that he is just meeting his ex girlfriend which they both have no feelings what so ever. And now he's asking me about all sex questions if i am going to do it or not.

So now i am really confused and I am wondering what did I do wrong to get guys that are like that. Either druggie/drunk, cheaters, only after sex.

I mean I dont dress slutty at all, I dress more like skater, I get straight A's.

Also, can some one give me a place where I can meet guys that are not like that? I mean I know that it is total random place because people are everywhere but I just dont want to get hurt anymore.

Thank you in advance
From, Confused and Lost

Dear Confused and Lost,

This might seem like common sense, but before being a boyfriend, don't you think it would make sence to be friends? In one of those cases it seems like you kind of rushed into things.

Here's a suggestion: set a limit of minimum time before you go out with a guy after meeting him. I would say something like 3 months, but you can change that - keep it reasonable. Why wait three months before dating some guy? Because it takes time, usually a lot more than 3 months, to find out what a person is really like. Why not just go out with him if we both like each other right away? Because it is while you are dating that you will get to know each other, and all too fast and too much. Do you see what I mean?

Maybe in those few weeks or months, you could find out something that you don't like about the guy or realize that he is not what you thought.

I don't think you did anything wrong to get guys that are like that. Upsetting? Probably. Always going to be that way? Absolutely not. Dating is just like experimenting, testing. So yeah nothing wrong with experimenting now or even later. Better now than after marriage right?

The people you encounter doesn't depend on who you are or what you do. So it doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong in particular. I suggest to just not rush into things - the quicker things develop, the quicker things might as well end; kind've like easy come easy go.

As to places to meet better guys... there is no specific place where all the good guys meet up to wait for people to find them. School is usually a good place, guaranteed to see a certain amount of guys a few times during the year. Like I said, they're everywhere, and usually not found in clusters. Who knows, some potential boyfriends that could be great might even be some of the friends you have that you wouldn't expect it to be. So don't give up, but don't talk to meet guys just with the intention or mindset of a possible relationship. Being regular friends and getting to know each other is key to starting a relationship. Good things come to those who wait. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 13/f

Grr!! This guy I kind of like but kind of don't keeps calling my cell phone and asking me if I want to hang out with him and I really don't want to! I keep bailing on him and I feel really bad!! So anyways, I told him that I lost my cell phone (WHich was a lie.) and he was like, ok just give me your home phone. WTF he didn't even ask! he just like forced me. (Well not really.) so what was I gonna do, say no, you can't have it. He thinks I like him a lot, when I only like him a little bit. (God, I sound so B****y, but I'm really not like this.) So anyways, I really don't want him calling my house phone. Like seriously. And I just gave it to him a few minutes ago and I really don't want him to call me!! Please what should I do!!

P.S.- Please don't tell me to tell him to stop calling, cause I just can't confront guys like that. Last time I did, he cryed the whole day. (I want out with an emo child.)

Sorry but while you said not to, that is probably the best way to go about it - confront him. If you really really have tried and cannot do it yourself, ask a friend of yours to tell him for you; but make sure that she lets him know you put her up to it.

Honestly though, you can't let something that happened before to stop you from doing it again like that. Put it this way: if a guy broke up with you for a specific reason, does that mean that the next guy will break up with you, or even for the same reason?

You said he thinks you like him a lot. If this is not true, then why would you let him go on thinking that. To avoid making him upset? Trust me on this one - when you do things like that, just to avoid making people upset - things can get messy and usually not work out in the long run. Let him know that you don't want to hang out with him, because if you wanted to hang out with somebody and kept asking them, and for whatever reason they really didn't want to...wouldn't you want them to say so to you and be honest? I think you should tell him the truth, and tell him not to call your house. Tell him about your phone and tell him that you don't want him calling you as much - he should respect that and your privacy. So tell him the truth, and if you can please try to confront him yourself - if you can get through this then it might make things easier for any other time you might need to confront somebody. Besides, it's not guaranteed that you will get the same reaction if that is what you are afraid of; all guys are different. So if you really can't do it yourself, get a friend to...but you need him to know. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I am a 14/f and I would really like to start babysitting. How can I find people with kids though who are in need of a babysitter?

Ask around. Really thats the best way to go about it, because not too many people advertise for baby-sitters. Who do you ask? Start off with neighbors that you know have younger children. Ask them if they need a baby-sitter. If they say no, then ask them if they know anyone who would need it, or anyone that you could call and ask. In other words, ask somebody, and if they say they don't need you, ask them if they know somebody else they could ask. I'm sure they would be willing to help by letting you know of people. Neighbors or anyone you see often are great people to start off with, then go on from there. Ask relatives who live close by if they need it or if they know anyone else who does. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Ok, I got twos on my report card in Conduct because i talk alot. (we are graded on a scale of 1 to 4, 1 being the best) My mom wants me to write apology letters to my teachers because its rude to talk while they are talking. Any ideas of things to say at all?

Yeah I've written a bunch. First you should start off by thanking them - you know, let them know that their work, time, and effort is appreciate. Thank them for a great school year and for being your teacher. You can also thank them for putting up with you. At this point, or maybe a little more on, you can apologize simply by saying something like: I would like to apologize to you for my misbehavior (or whatever it is you want to apologize for). State that you know what you did was wrong and that you will do your best to try not to do it again. Remember to be formal, because this is not a letter to your friend, and you want to be sincere - let them know you mean it. Oh and of course, wish them a happy summer as a closing, hoping to see them again next year. I think with that on the letter and anything else you feel is necessary to throw in (properly placed of course), should do it. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: which is better an Ipod or an Mp3 player and y?

For simplicity and less money - an Mp3 player.

For more features and (usually) greater capacity, an iPod.

There are many kinds of Mp3 players that are not iPods but come close, like I guess the Dell DJ. Similar in the sence that you can view songs and has almost the same set up. iPods are in their own class, and personally I think are better if you can afford it. It depends on what you will use it for and how much you will use it.

If you plan to use it for a multiple number of things and use it very often, then go for the iPod.

Q: 16/f and I can admit that I can be a bit spoiled/bratty at times but I've been trying to work on it. I really have.

Well, my boyfriend, and I know he doesn't do this to be mean, sometimes calls me things or says things to me about the way I act that really hurt. For example, when I try to get my way (like with what movie we see) he always says "Of course, princess!" and turns away. Well, you'd think that sounds nice, right? NOT.

He started calling me "princess" when he was over at my house once and I was mad because some family thing. When I walked out of the room, my sister and him were talking (so I listen in on conversations, who doesn't) about how if things don't go my way, I think it's the end of the world; like I'm a "little princess".

It pisses me off so much when he does this because he KNOWS that I'm trying to get better. But it doesn't help when he calls me that because I know what it means. And he knows that I know what it means too because I've tried to talk to him about it. He'd stop for like a week and then start saying it again. What can I say or do that'll get it through his head?

Talk to him again. I know you said you did, but tell him that it gets to you and that you want it to end once in for all.

I as a guy, know that sometimes for me to to stop something, or to start doing something, I need some kind of...shock - for relationships that is. What do I mean? I used to never keep my phone on me until my girlfriend tried calling me all the time and I missed her calls, which made her upset. This kept happening over and over, and she talked to me about it several times. Did I not want to listen? No not at all. It just takes adjusting and not so easy to do or not do things. So it wasn't until that something happend to her and she was hurt that I started to keep my phone on me. It was that shock - that realization of what bad things could happen - and that keeping my phone on me would help so that I know whats going on with her and she knows whats going on with me.

Sorry for going off track, but I wanted you to have a clear example of what I meant by the shock thing. Try giving your boyfriend some kind of shock. Why? Force him into the realization of what will happen if he keeps doing that. Let him see that he will lose you if he continues to do that. If he honestly cares about you, once you make him realize that, he will stop.

If he keeps that up then go a different route. Ignore him when he calls you that. But let him know that you are ignoring him for awhile when he does that, like each time he does do it. If that doesn't work or if you don't want to try it, call him something else! When he acts a way you don't like then call him something back, give him his own name.

If that doesn't stop him from doing that, then I say you should reconsider staying. Don't let it get to you, or at least make sure that you don't show it gets to you. He still refuses to stop? Then give up and let him go. Really, if he can't respect you enough with this, who's to say he will with something else or something more serious. So give him a chance but if things don't get better or get worse, then think things through and let him go - it's not worth the hassle and it's not fair for you. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Ok, my boyfriend and I have only been together for a little over a month but I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with as of this current moment in time. But we've had some trust issues (over things like cheating) in the past,which we are slowly resolving, and it doesn't feel right together anymore (but I can tell that if we make it through this, we will be that much closer). I'm almost afraid of not being with him. However, this summer I'm meeting a ton of new people (new cross country team, new band, camp)and I just want to be single and free to have a good time with anyone. I know you are going to say that I'm young and have a lot of time to worry about this kind of stuff but I just really need advice...should I stay with just him, break it off with him, or keep seeing him but not exclusivley?

That decision is up to you. You need to first find out how you really feel about him. Do you honestly trust him? Why do you like him? Does he matter that much to you?

Spend some time to really sit down and think things through. If you feel like being open when meeting new people is more important than staying with your boyfriend, then by all means go for it. If things don't feel right, have you talked to your boyfriend about that? If not then tell him, and be 100% honest about how you feel about him and the relationship.

It's up to you. If you feel like things aren't going well and it doesn't seem like things will get better - then think about it - would things be worth keeping like that if it wasn't good? So think things through and don't keep things going if you aren't happy with it and don't really want to be in it. Just be honest and truthful and trusting - and if it really is what you want - then either stay with him or break things off to be open for other people. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: eh wat do guys think are attractive? not just how they look, but what about how they act? please help. i really want some guys to like me!! my friends r gettin all the guys!! its hard to explain but just pls help me.

A meaningful question, because yes it is true: not all guys go for looks. What have I heard that most guys thinks is attactive? Confidence; funny; smart.

Maybe I can also help by letting you know what some common turn-offs are: dressing slutty; being stuck up; being snotty; smoking; way too concerned over self-image; way too concerned about weight; not being clear on things; most of all = trying to be something you're not.

So really, all it takes is to be able to take a joke, be funny, be smart [no not 100 average smart], and just some confidence. Treat us like you would a friend, not some potential boyfriend. Hope that helped.

Q: Does anyone know of any good bands/song I can put on my iPOD? I'm getting tired of all the bands I have. I'm mostly into indie/rock/acoustic/some ska/oldies.

I like Death Cab, The Postal Service, The Audition, The Higher, Panic!, Further Seems Forever, Dashboard Confessional, Hidden in Plain View, Taking Back Sunday etc. Preferably bands that you know and that aren't on the radio.

www.pandora.com

use it, its awesome. Go ahead and tpye in all those bands and even songs that you like the most. Give it some time, and actually rate the songs - whether you like them or not. After about 30 or 40 songs, it will narrow down to new stuff that you would like and hanv't heard before. I havn't read any answers before this, so if somebody already wrote that site, sorry - they definately stole it from me. Haha just kidding. Hoped that helped

Q: okay how do you play diddys guyitar on donkey kong i dont even know if i have it because i need to melt the ice to get the other donkey

If you do have one

and wow I can't believe I remember this

is pressing and holding Z and either Left or Up yellow directional button. Either one, I'm not 100% sure which one, but give it a shot.

www.cheatcc.com
www.gamewinners.com

Look those two up, especially the second one if you get stuck on what to do. I think I know what level you're talking about - the Gobi Desert - but I havn't played in so long. Give it a shot, and remember you have to stand on the pad for it to work. Hope that helped and good luck.

bio

Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.

I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.