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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
14f my boyfriend and I don't go to the same high schools so I don't know a lot of his friends. He gave some of them my number and I text them a lot. I mentioned how i hadn't talked to them in like 3 days and that it felt like forever. He said it bothered him that I texted them because one of them trashes him and how one flirts with me. I told him I wouldn't talk to the one who trashed him and how the other one only talked about him with me and how we were perfect for each other. He then randomly said he had to go. Is he being too controlling??I feel like he can't tell me who to talk to and who not to talk to...
The Answer
You are right, he can't tell you who to talk to and who not too.
But he can, and he should, tell you if something makes him unhappy or uncomfortable. Then YOU get to decide what you do with that information.
If you want to keep talking to someone and know he has nothing to worry about, tell him so kindly. If you are willing to give up a texting buddy because of his fears, then do that.
The choice is always yours, but it's a good thing to have a boyfriend who is willing to share his feelings and opinions with you. Just make sure you are just as willing to share yours too and stand up for them.
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The Question
Okay what I'm wondering is this whole BMI, I input everything an it says I'm obese! I uset to weight 231 pounds at 16 an now I'm 17 an lost over 50 pounds! So happy about that! I now weight 183 an I'm 17 years old 6 months, my height is 5'5 an I'm an endomorph. So....is it right what the BMI is saying that I'm over weight? I heard that it doesn't take in your body type or anything...so right now I'm a lil discouraged because I thought I was doing great for losing over 50 pounds in a year.... =( ...
The Answer
Ignore the BMI. It's was a useful tool when it came out in the late seventies. We now know it's a bit silly. Many people will be perfectly healthy despite their BMI labeling them 'obese'.
Keep doing what you are doing. Focus on how good you feel - how much energy you have and your awesome success. Don't let a scale, or the outdated BMI charts, discourage you.
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The Question
Ok so im 17 years old female. I masterbate and iv heard that when you orgasm you are suppose to "cum" or "squirt". I do not do this and dont know why. Is this because i only do clit and not g-spot. my orgasms are ok, they arent intense like i heard they are suppose to be? How do i make them really good, and most of all, how do i make myself cum or squirt? Sometimes its hard to really get into it and like halfway through i want to give up. is this because im not turned on enough or am just harder to make orgasm. When i do it doesnt take me that long but its a ok orgasm. I dont think i have ever had an intense one, and dont know if thats cause i havent done a g-spot one. I need help on this alot! Thank you very much!!
The Answer
Not all women 'squirt'. Most orgasm without that, and 'cumming' for women, generally means an orgasm, not squirting. So, the way most people use the words, you do cum, you just don't squirt.
And you might never. Very few women are even capable of it.
Just to clarify something for you - doctors are NOT 100% convinced the g-spot exists. Most think it doesn't, or at least isn't consistent in all women. Even the most recent, thorough medical research has not proven that it is exists and they've been looking for it for decades now. This is a great quote from the Wikipedia article on the G-spot and it's probably very relevant to you:
"Sexual psychologists are concerned about the promotion of the G-Spot, as it could lead to women feeling "dysfunctional" if they do not experience it. Dr. Petra Boynton, a British scientist who has written extensively on this debate, points out:
'We're all different. Some women will have
certain area within the vagina which will be very
sensitive, and some won't, but they won't
necessarily be in the area called the G spot. If
a woman spends all her time worrying about
whether she is normal, or has a G spot or not,
she will focus on just one area, and ignore
everything else. It's telling people that there
is a single, best way to have sex, which isn't
the right thing to do.' "
There is a lot of exactly that kind of nonsense going around making people feel their orgasms or sex is 'not good enough' and I'd seriously tell you to throw all thoughts you have like that out of the window.
You can google 'how to squirt' and come up will all sorts of advice, but your best bet would probably to buy some sex toys if you are able too, experiment with your partner and find out what gives you the most pleasure.
Trying to live up to some sort of golden sexual standard (that might not even exist) is only going to make you unhappy. Just go have fun and explore your body. You've obviously found a few things that work for you - You'll find more I promise.
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The Question
17/f
I have a friend that asked me out once, but due to certain things that were occurring in my life, I refused. So we decided to remain as friends and I had told him I wanted to get to know him a bit better, since at the time he was practically, almost a stranger. So yes, we talked alot, on the phone mostly. At times, he would bring up like a relationship talk. It was weird cuz we seemed there but hesistant. Anyway, nothing went on, aside from me trying to sorta of push him into feeling comfortable talking to me face-to-face.
Later he went on hookin up with various girls but his relationships wouldn't last long. I somehow became his counselor trying to convince him to give himself time before entering a new relationship. I started gaining feelings for him but again he was in another relationship, so I respected that. After a while he broke up with that girl and he's been single for some time but we hardly talk to each other anymore.
If we do have a conversation again, should I confess to him that I was going to ask him out before I found out he was currently in a relationship with his last girlfriend or should I just leave things the way thery are?
The Answer
Do whatever you feel you want too.
However, the next time you have a conversation with him, you might want to just confirm that he IS single. If you hope your confession might lead to something, it wouldn't be right to make that confession/request if he's committed to someone.
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The Question
i caught my bf having intimate conversations with a web cam girl. He showed her pictures of himself and our pets. he made a note to remember her birthday and wrote love _____
apparently the web cam went two ways.
i find this really creepy and im having a hard time getting over it and trusting him. we have been together 6 yr and are getting married soon.
my question is is this cheating?
will they do it again?
is this a warning sign of things to come?
personaly i feel like this is more of an emotional cheat, but also its grose... and im no prude. I love him alot but i dont understand why he would do this to me. plus he has been turning me down for sex... so im lost
The Answer
You need to talk to him.
It was a betrayal, no matter what else it was.
The only one who can answer your questions about them doing it again, or a warning sign, in your boyfriend and your own gut.
You'll need to sit down and really talk it out with your boyfriend. Ask him the tough questions about his motivations and feelings. Talk about the problems between you and the sex. Nothing else is going to get you any closer to understanding what happened.
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The Question
Does anyone know how i can lose my belly fat without losing my breast???? SUPER FAST....PLEASE HELP ME.
The Answer
You can't.
You can't loose fat from only one part of the body. When you start to loose weight it just comes off from wherever your body likes to let it go first. (Generally, that is also whereever you gain it first). For many women that means the boobs. It certainly means that for me.
The best thing you can do is, in addition to exercising and making smart food choices, it make sure you are building up your pectoral muscles. Building up the muscles beneath your breasts will help to conteract the look of the weight loss, but that is about it.
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The Question
i just wanna know that will i marry my lover
The Answer
We are not psychic. We do not look into the future.
If you want to marry your lover, speak to them about it.
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The Question
I'm in the marching band at school. I am fifteen and in the high school band now. But when I was in the jr high band, everyone thought me and my band director were doing it. We were close, he was like a second dad to me. He was 27 when I had him. I didn't think anything of the way we acted. I just felt.. Comfortable aroud him. Now that I look back on it, it was kinda strange, I mean, he was and still is married but when I was late for a class I didn't ask that teacher to write me a pass, or when I did and they didn't so it for me, he would. He would be walking out of the band room with his lap top and I'd he saw me instead of saying hi, we would have a conversation. when I wanted to skip a class, he would always let me, he'd wrote a pass excusing me from class and I would go to the band room to practice. He always called me by my last name so one day I was like "ya know what, I'm gonna call you by your first name." and I did, hen we were in his office talking or something I would call him his first name but when we were with other students he would tell me to call him mr. __ and I did. The day my friend (she plays the same instrument as i do) started thinking our relationship was weird, was in sectionals one day. We were going over this one part and I coulnt get it. I finally got it and I slapped his thigh in excitement not even thinking and Im not sure he realized because he wasn't like ahem or moved it, he just congratulated me and from then on, she thought we were beyond student\teacher boundaries. He had since had his first child when I left for the sr high. But from what I said, do you think we were beyond student\teacher boundaries? And
what leads you to believe what you do? Thanks.
The Answer
You went past most schools and cultures teacher/student bounderies. However, it doesn't sound like there was anything praticularly meancing about them...
There are a few reasons I would say not too worry about it. The first one is that you aren't really worried about it! You didn't say anything about a crush, or inppropraite compliments or even really inapropraite touching, you just developed a friendship that was a bit closer than students and teachers are generally expected to have.
You did go past the bounderies a bit, and he probably could have handled it a bit better, but that doesn't mean there was anything wrong or dirty about your friendship. If you feel positively about it, go one feeling positively about it, and don't worry too much about what other people might think.
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The Question
16/f. me and my sister used to play "games" in the shower when we were little (I was like 10 or 11) but people told us it was what all the little girls do. I don't want to get in to detail just because it makes me sick to my stomach but we used to touch down there vvv and stuff like that. Is that considered being sexually abused? If so, is it my fault since I'm the older one out of the two of us? I barely realized it was wrong last year when I learned all about sex. I started doing drugs to try to forget about it but i feel like I'm going insane and I just need help. Anything else that you might think will be useful will be highly appreciated.
The Answer
That's not abuse. You were both prepubescent and it sounds as though you were exploring in a normal, healthy, age-appropriate way.
If this is damaging your life you need to talk to a therapist and be honest about everything that happened. They can help you through it, and maybe even get some help for your little sister if they feel she might need some support too.
It is normal for young kids, even toddlers, to explore their bodies and the pleasure they get from them. It's only as adults that we learn shame and fear about our genitals.
You and your sister are probably just fine, but since you don't feel fine about it, you really should talk it over with a professional who can help you deal with those negative feelings.
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The Question
I've been with this guy for three years. If his heart stopped beating right now I would give him mine. When he asked me to marry him all I could think of was yes. We're both young, but I love him so much and I just couldn't picture myself with anyone else. I started college a couple months ago and I met this other guy. I've noticed signs that he likes me. He's said that he wishes I was single. He helps me with my homework. He walks me to my car when it's dark. I appreciate this especially because my fiance isn't there to do these things. He goes to a different college. There are so many days that I wonder what it would be like to be with this other guy. I know that I can't because (1) I'm engaged! (2)This other guy is a temporary research student and next week he will go back to his college... which is across the country! Still so many nights I have bad dreams and fantasies. I can't get good sleep. My fiance used to be the first man I thought of when I woke up and I feel horrible because he isn't now. I've talked with him about this and he is trying to do everything he can to make me happy and it does help. But, these wandering thoughts are still inside my head. And, I don't wanna marry someone if I'm not 100 percent sure anymore. What should I do???
The Answer
Love isn't magic. It doesn't place a blindfold over your eyes. You will see other people who attract you and you'll met other people who inspire romantic thoughts.
Getting married is about choosing one person - it's not about pretending no one else exists.
Give yourself a break and recognize this is normal and will happen all your life, even if you stay happily married to your fiance till your death. When you are 90 years old you might develop a crush on college student who does the gardening at the rest home. That doesn't mean you love your husband any less, or are any less devoted to him.
If you aren't 100% sure about getting married, that's an important thing to talk about. You are very young to make that commitment and statically speaking, it tends not to work out when people commit that young to marriage.
However - please don't think because you developed a crush or a fantasy about someone else means anything. It doesn't necessarily mean you aren't sure. There might be other reasons you aren't sure, but a crush is natural and right. They'll never go away entirely. Don't pretend they will. That puts too much pressure on a relationship when you start to deny that yeah, other people will be attractive sometimes.
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The Question
Ok so me and my bf had sex yesterday two days before my period is supposed to come. He used a condom and after he came he took it out and went back in for like five more strokes. Wen he pulled out again the condom was broken. Does this mean that basically I'm most likely pregnant or can there be a possibility that I'm not? I also mentioned my period because I heard that right before and right after ur period are the teams when you are least likely to get pregnant even though I know its never 100% sure.
The Answer
It's possible your pregnant, it's possible you are not. No one can pull the number out of thin air. Even though right after your period you theoretically have less risk, unless you really know your cycle extremely well and run like clockwork each month, that just isn't something you can really rely on. You are going to have to try and stay calm, and test yourself if your next period is late.
Your boyfriend broke a cardinal rule of safe condom use however - you don't reinsert yourself with a used condom on. Once a guy finishes, the condom is done, over and used up. Have a momentary cuddle, but it needs to be removed right away. If you are ready to play agian right away, you must use a fresh condom.
Condoms will very, very rarely break if you use them properly. You and your boyfriend might need a refreasher course on how to apply them and remove them correctly.
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The Question
when i was 15, i had the babybug. it was almost aching, i wanted to have a baby so bad. it lasted for about 4 months and then disappeared for a while. now i'm 17 and its back, but its much worse. i have a boyfriend and we're active. we use protection sometimes, but most of the time we don't. everytime we dont, i have this instant spark of hope that maybe this might be the time that i finally get pregnant. i know, i'm young. i'm almost in my senior year of highschool and i know it'd completely ruin my life if i had a kid now, but i don't care at all. i'd be a great mother. i'm at the point right now where i don't even want to live anymore unless i have something to live for, and in this case, that something would be a baby. i keep having urges to trick my boyfriend into thinking i'm on the pill, but i love him too much to do that to him. he doesnt want a kid.
why am i like this? any why so young? my friends are all scared for me, my boyfriend, too. i'm starting to worry a little, myself.
The Answer
You've already figured out why you are like this. Actually, I think it's fantastic how honest you've been with yourself about how you are feelings and thinking about this...
You don’t know what to do with your life.
You have little or no hope or goals for the future, except eventual motherhood.
Motherhood seems like a pretty simple and immediate thing to achieve. There is no paperwork to fill out. Just don’t use condoms and you’re there.
Don't get me wrong, motherhood is a seriously and fantastic aspiration to have, but if it's your ONLY one you are going set yourself up for misery. It would be like having your ONLY aspiration being climbing Mount Everest. So you go climb that mountain at 25 and then… what?
Also, you won’t be a good mother right now. You know this already.
You won’t be a good mother because, as you said, motherhood would ruin your life right now, and anything which ruins your life is certainly going to have a negative effect on your child as well. The fact the father doesn’t want a child right now would have very negative effect – even if he did step up – and being a parent is a lot more than just getting pregnant. Having a child right now would limit both of your chances at education and your earning potentials. A good mother probably wouldn’t choose that life if she could avoid it.
The larger reason you aren’t equipped to be a good mother right now is because your motivations for having a child are simply wrong.
I don’t think you are a bad person, but I do think you (and many young teens with the babybug) are looking at this from a very bad and very selfish perspective when you start to expect that a child to give your life purpose. Babies don’t have responsibilities. They don’t provide you with anything. You provide them with everything. You CANNOT have a child with even the slightest idea that it means you can hide from the world in a nursery, safe and secure in the knowledge that your family and the government won’t let you starve while you bask in your babies love. That is completely and utterly wrong.
I watched several of my friends choose to get pregnant in their late teens. (One even tricked her boyfriend the way you are considering doing, which caused complete fury in her family and friends for years and eventually killed thier relationship.) These women were bored with work and school, and decide being a mom would be a better. They dropped out, stop working and then spent years complaining to me about how unfair their families where – you know, the families who were supporting them and their child – for expecting them to work, or to parent the way the grandparents thought was best, or clean up, or fight with the father, or not go out and party like a teen…
Now each of them are struggling to accept their child is growing up. Most of have tried desperately to keep it close to them, to keep it dependent on them, and to force their child to be their best friend. That is was can very, very easily happen if you give birth to a new person who you expect will save you and give your life meaning (espcailly after the father and you break up, and you find it almost impossible to date because you have a young child). Because they never found meaning without their children, they now hover and bully those children as they try to find some natural independence and confidence away from their mothers.
You must find some purpose and hope to your life that will still exist even if you were completely infertile. If you can’t do that, you risk making your family and yourself miserable, even if you do wait until a better time to get pregnant.
Talk to a therapist. Also, go volunteer someplace, maybe even with children. Consider some education options after high school, even if college isn’t for you. Job shadow. Look for some place to put this energy that is productive and selfless. And keep using protection, ALWAYS.
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The Question
how do ppl form things like foot fetishes? i mean, can anything turn into a fetish? but if so, how come foot fetishes are so "common" as opposed to ear fetishes or something?
The Answer
Although it's a common idea that foot fetishes are really common, there really isn't any solid, scientific data on it. It's never been part of a comprehensive sexual survey.
The idea came from a study done on the internet that tracked how many discussions where going on forums about fetishes. That study found that there was more discussion on foot fetishes then other fetishes. But that isn't a good study! They didn't look at enough people, it wasn't thorough, and looking at the number of discussions could also just mean that foot fetishist are more likely to discuss their fetishists in forums then other fetishes... That doesn’t mean there is more of them, only that foot fetishes are easier to talk about then other ones.
Anyways, I once heard someone say that foot fetishes happen because the area of the brain that deals with sensation in the feet is close to the area that deals in sexual pleasure. My neurologist friend assures me that is complete bullshit. (Even if it was true, wouldn’t that make a person obsessed with their own feet, not other peoples?)
So, in the end, just like any sexual orientation, preference or other little personal mental oddness, fetishes are caused by a whole bunch of factors rolled together: environmental, past experiences, social factors and some people have theories that it can be linked to our genes. Just like genes might make some people more likely to be alcoholics, or more likely to get tanned, but doesn’t necessarily mean those things must happen to a person.
It’s best just to accept a fetish for what it is. As long as it not destructive or interrupting a person’s normal life.
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The Question
I've been seeing this guy for a while now. For eight months we were just friends with benefits, during these months he became my best friend, and then I realized I liked him. I admitted my feelings for him, he said he liked me too (but I already knew that because of his actions). A few weeks later I mentioned a relationship. He said no, he doesn't want one, because it might ruin our friendship, and he doesn't want one, but he still likes me and cares about me, and still wants to be exclusive.
Okay I said, I can understand that, I don't exactly agree with it, but I'll deal with it. But now my feelings for him are just steadily growing, and I want him to be an official couple with him.
I don't want to be wasting my time, and I know I'll only get hurt in the end. It hurts because my feelings are at a point where I am ready to take the next step, but I don't think he is. But its confusing because I know he cares about me. I just don't understand.
What do I do? I'm kind of at the point where I have to give him two options: I'm in his life as his girlfriend, or I'm not in his life at all.
I'm 19, he's 23. And we had this relationship conversation about two months ago, so I don't know if his feelings about that have changed, yet if they have, I would think he'd take the initiative and ask me.
The Answer
Ask him what the difference between 'being in a relationship’ and being 'exclusively seeing each other' is.
When you approach it from a "I want this label" he easily says "No". Don't make it that easy for him. Instead, make him do the heavy emotional lifting and ask him "How do YOU define what it is we are doing here? How is a 'girlfriend' different from a girl you are exclusively 'seeing'? Do you still see us as only 'friends with benefits' or 'friends who fuck.'?
You ARE in a relationship right now. Even if you weren't exclusive, when two people interact like this isn't called a 'relationship'. If he doesn't want the label girlfriend/boyfriend put on it, he needs to be able to express how your current relationship is different than his idea of a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.
This isn't about trying to understand him or come up with a compromise with him. Asking him these questions is about making him to say out loud what he is actually thinking, and hopefully have him identify the problems with it. Nothing he says needs too (and probably shouldn't) change where you are at, but after you listen to him, you are in a better position to turn to him and say "Okay, I need A, B and C in addition to what you currently think we are doing or I need to walk away now."
You are making an error thinking this guy would take the initiative in this situation. What you describe here is a degree of emotional chickenshitness.
If you are at the point where you need a relationship or nothing at all - tell him that. However, if you want a shot at exposing his own irrational thinking to him, start asking the tough questions about what he thinks about relationships and how he defines them.
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The Question
me and my boyfriend got a new kitten a few days ago. he's about 3 weeks old. when we first got him, he meowed alot, and wanted tons of attention. he crawled all over everything, and on top of us. which i can understand, him being scared and wondering who we are. but he still does it. he always wants to sleep with us, and next to us, he crawls all over us, paws on our faces, everything. even when we're eating, he gets on top of us and wants to get our food. i really am starting to feel like me and my boyfriend arent getting a whole lot of alone time, cause the cat wants to be with us. is this normal for a kitten? or are we doing something wrong?
The Answer
The thing you've done wrong is take a kitten who is too young.
It shouldn't have been taken from it's mother at three weeks. Six to eight weeks is the recommended. Kittens aren't even really supposed to be weened off their mothers milk until six weeks old. Your little guy just wasn't ready to live without it's mom.
So you have a kitten who still NEEDS it's mommy, and is trying to get you to stand in for it's mommy. Frankly, if you don't step up and respect that need, you'll end up with a sick kitten, or one with serious behavioral problems (like babies who are not given enough affection and care in their infancy).
Google "How to raise an orphan kitten" for more tricks and techniques to handling an infant kitten.
You DON'T get a lot of alone time right now. You would have gotten more if you'd adopted a cat who was ready to be a bit more independent, but you got a newborn. It needs a lot from you right now. Please, please please, do your research and care for your kitten properly. It's going to be a hard few weeks, but that's what you signed up for here.
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The Question
for the past week i have been on a strict diet
ill have 80 calorie bread with eggwhites
for breakfast wih a coffeee (always use half and half)
lunch ill have a small froyo or skip it
dinner will be a protein or ccereall
as you can see i eat very little and im very strict.
today i had a froyo, then 2 bowls of fiber 1 (this equals 400 calories believe it or not) then for dinner i had a chicken salad.
however my weight keeps fluctuating. ill loose a pound then gain 2. i dont get it. i am hardley eating!!!!
please spare me the lecture about body going into starvation mode so you gain weight.....
why am i not loosing?
The Answer
Stop doing this. You'll only gain it all back as soon as you stop and if you don't stop you'll die. There are men in refugee labour camps in Africa who are eating more than you a day (and dropping dead on a regular basis).
You will have to stop this eventually, and then you'll gain the weight back, because it wasn't real weight loss in the first place. Your body didn't learn to change, it just ate itself. It will build itself back again the second it gets a chance.
This is not a solution. This is short-term stupidity.
You seem to know that 'starvation mode' is a bit of a myth, and it IS a 'bit' of a myth, but only because people misunderstand it. What actually happens is that suddenly dropping your calorie intact that low slows down your metabolism and the body becomes more efficient (for a while). This can slow down weight loss to a halt. That's when you start to faint and get really sick before you lose any weight.
You need to be consuming at least 1000 calories a day. That is the absolute minimum to keep your body functioning in the long term.
Right now your plan is not a weight loss plan; it's a very slow suicide plan. You need a better plan. Please, go talk to a doctor or nationalist if this is so important to you and let them help you create a plan that will actually work, and will keep working, for years to come. The path you are on will at best disapointment you, and at worse, kill you.
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The Question
So I went shopping at bloomingdales the other day and I got a new bloomingdales personal shopper. My old one got transfered off to a different store and as sad as I was, my new one is TOTALLY freaking gorgeous, delicious, and BLAH. I was actually taken aback by his handsomeness. Oh god, I sound like a such a creeper! But anyways, so he was totally helpful and super friendly with me and I ended up picking out a great dress! He made lots of small talk with me (asking me questions, etc) and smiling at me... so as he's checking out my dress... he gives me his PERSONAL phone number! As in his CELL PHONE number!!! He said that if I needed anything, I should call him. I don't know if he was suggesting that he likes me but I'm definitely into him! I'm tempted to call him and ask him to this party I'm going to but the thing is... he's fresh out of college and I'm just starting college. What do you think I should do? Is he too old for me?
The Answer
It's only inappropriate if you keep calling him ‘the help’.
Also, you might want to consider the possibility that he was in fact just doing his job very well, and might even loose that job if it was discovered he tried to pick you up at work.
Just things to keep in mind.
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The Question
Is it bad or umhealthy to wear your bra in bed? Is it a bad habit to get into, or is it okay?
The Answer
It's unhealthy to wear most kinds of bras to bed. Bras meant for day wear cut off circulation and interrupt breathing. Generally, it's a bad habit to get into.
If you like support in your sleep (and many bigger girls do) try camisoles with build in support first. They tend to be less constrictive then full bras. Stay away from sports bras or under wire bras. Those ones might be pleasantly tight for the day, but are not good for night time.
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The Question
Iv been having this issue with my wife for a long time where her needs come first and my needs come last or sometimes not at all .I think she wants to whear the pants in the family but God forbid that won't ever happen but when I talked to her in a respectable way it always ends up in a argument and then she has wrong feelings I don't want to come across as I'm controling I just want to be equal when she wants something you better belive she'll. Get it and no hesatation about it eather but on the other hand when I need something she has this attitude like why do you need this for . I don't question her when she dicides she wants something but it you better belive it will get thrown in my face if ido go get something my money goes to the bank just like hers I help pay the bills just like she does and I make sure the bills get paid first anyways sex with her is hardly ever id say the last time was probably a year ago she has no intrest I think she might be cheating but no proof I no somethings got to give any sugestions
The Answer
Get your butt into therapy. If your wife will consent to going, take her too, but if she wont, just go yourself.
You need more consistent, long-term help, then we can offer on this site. Old behaviors needs to change, both yours and hers, if this marriage is going to survive. Get some professional guidance with that change.
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The Question
I know this older guy and he's hit on me before but he also treats me like as if i'm his little sister or something. At first I thought he was a gentleman (he would walk me back to my place even if it was far away just because he wanted to make sure I was safe) but then it started to get kinda crazy. I live downtown in a big city, and now he wants me not to go out unless I'm with somebody. I understand his worry, but it was noon in bright daylight on one of the busiest streets in the city. He also lectures me if i lie to my parents or anything like that and i kinda get the feeling that he thinks it would be better if i just stayed home and never go out because when I do stay home he tells me that he thinks it's good for me not to go out. He says that he thinks I shouldn't go out unless I'm with a group of friends cuz there will probably be more guys like him (much older) hitting on me other than him, and i understand where he's coming from on that one, and I'm flattered that he cares about my safety but I wish he would relax just a little bit. I don't even know him that well yet even. I do know that he's attracted to me but when we hung out when he was talking it was like a half lecture/half flirt. He was talking about how i should dress younger (i don't dress revealing.. i know when some people say "she dresses older" they immediately think low cut tops) and at the same time will tell me how sexy/pretty he thinks i am and look. Oh and even though he doesn't like me going out, he still does ask me to meet up with him. Anyways how do I get him to realize that for the most part I can take care of myself? He actually worries about me more than my parents do. He chases after me when I wanna do something by without him I kinda have a small crush on him even though that's probably really wrong and I want to continue our friendship (he doesn't know) but today I got a bit mad at him for treating me like I'm 10. W are both 16 and Im not immature either. I think i'm more mature than the kids in my school they don't take education serious, I don't goof off, I make good grades and Im in the top 10 % of my class. I tell him to stop treating me like a baby and he doesnt listen.How do I get him to stop treating me like a kid?
The Answer
Stop talking to him. Stop reporting to him on where you are going and what you are doing. Stop giving him those tools to control and bully you.
Unfortunately, you probably can't make him stop this, and keep his as a friend. You haven't known him that long, and right now you are seeing his true colours: This is a guy who uses the disguise of gentleman to try and force intimacy and obedience.
I know this sounds harsh. I'm a bit older than you have seen a few more guys run this kind of game. They often mean well, but in the end it is the same thing: They treat you like a princess and then get angry when you don't allow them to lock you up in the tower.
At very least, cool the friendship down and speak to him a bit less. The amount of contact you are having is likely feeding into his mistaken idea that he is responsible for you (ie, that you are not able to be responsible for yourself.) Keep telling him not to behave that way, but also show him he can't, by walking away from him and staying away from him when he does.
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