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he likes me, but doesn't want a relationship
I've been seeing this guy for a while now. For eight months we were just friends with benefits, during these months he became my best friend, and then I realized I liked him. I admitted my feelings for him, he said he liked me too (but I already knew that because of his actions). A few weeks later I mentioned a relationship. He said no, he doesn't want one, because it might ruin our friendship, and he doesn't want one, but he still likes me and cares about me, and still wants to be exclusive.
Okay I said, I can understand that, I don't exactly agree with it, but I'll deal with it. But now my feelings for him are just steadily growing, and I want him to be an official couple with him.
I don't want to be wasting my time, and I know I'll only get hurt in the end. It hurts because my feelings are at a point where I am ready to take the next step, but I don't think he is. But its confusing because I know he cares about me. I just don't understand.
What do I do? I'm kind of at the point where I have to give him two options: I'm in his life as his girlfriend, or I'm not in his life at all.
I'm 19, he's 23. And we had this relationship conversation about two months ago, so I don't know if his feelings about that have changed, yet if they have, I would think he'd take the initiative and ask me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
just to all that u can to ensure his happiness ask him wat he likes and doesnt like but honey please dont try to make him so happy that ur not happy
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Ask him what the difference between 'being in a relationship’ and being 'exclusively seeing each other' is.
When you approach it from a "I want this label" he easily says "No". Don't make it that easy for him. Instead, make him do the heavy emotional lifting and ask him "How do YOU define what it is we are doing here? How is a 'girlfriend' different from a girl you are exclusively 'seeing'? Do you still see us as only 'friends with benefits' or 'friends who fuck.'?
You ARE in a relationship right now. Even if you weren't exclusive, when two people interact like this isn't called a 'relationship'. If he doesn't want the label girlfriend/boyfriend put on it, he needs to be able to express how your current relationship is different than his idea of a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.
This isn't about trying to understand him or come up with a compromise with him. Asking him these questions is about making him to say out loud what he is actually thinking, and hopefully have him identify the problems with it. Nothing he says needs too (and probably shouldn't) change where you are at, but after you listen to him, you are in a better position to turn to him and say "Okay, I need A, B and C in addition to what you currently think we are doing or I need to walk away now."
You are making an error thinking this guy would take the initiative in this situation. What you describe here is a degree of emotional chickenshitness.
If you are at the point where you need a relationship or nothing at all - tell him that. However, if you want a shot at exposing his own irrational thinking to him, start asking the tough questions about what he thinks about relationships and how he defines them.
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A couple years ago, I had this exact problem. I realize now I should have never agreed to friends with benefits. I liked him way more then he liked me. And he said the same kind of thing to me as that guy said to you. I think he just likes using you. If he really liked you, he would want to have a relationship with you. The point of doing sexual things with someone, is to show them how much you love and care about them. That's the problem with friends with benefits it always causes confusing feelings. You told him what you wanted, and he said no. I think you should just walk away. It's not worth your time, and even if you gave hm an ultimatun, even if you do that though, he could say yes because he still wants to get some from you and then he might cheat on you because he felt obligated to be in a relationship with you. Date someone who respects you.
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